Yes, I watch Downton Abbey.
And yes, I like the show.
I’m a sucker for almost anything British. I bought a multi-region DVD player last year (they’re inexpensive) so I could order unedited shows from Amazon.co.uk (much better values) instead of buying their American counterparts.
I love Blackadder, Inspector Morse, A Touch of Frost, Midsomer Murders, Inspector Lewis (my favorite), Fawlty Towers, Spooks (the British version of 24), and yes, Mr. Bean.
And for me, the Sherlock Holmes shows starring Jeremy Brett are in a class by themselves.
So when I saw Season 1 of Downton Abbey for sale on Amazon several months ago – at a great price – I snatched it up.
The first season is a pre-World War 1 drama about a family that lives in a large English abbey. The underlying plot line is that the family lacks a male heir to inherit their estate, which leads to all kinds of romantic and political intrigue.
The aristocrats and servants try and maintain their boundaries and spaces, but everyone gets involved in everyone else’s lives.
The second season occurs during the Great War. My wife and I plan to finish watching Season 2 tonight on DVD.
The show has a soap opera quality to it at times, so I may lose my theology membership card if I go further … but let’s live dangerously.
And I’ll try not to reveal plot lines in case you haven’t yet seen the show … or are watching Season 2 now on PBS.
Let me make four comparisons between conflicts on Downton Abbey and conflicts in churches:
First, everybody is a mixed bag of good and evil.
At first, Robert and Cora – the Earl and Countess of Grantham – appear to be fair and flawless individuals. But as the series moves along, their weaknesses become apparent.
Isobel, their distant relative, has a passion for helping people with medical problems, but as anxiety increases around the abbey, she becomes increasingly controlling.
Violet (played by Maggie Smith), Robert’s mother, believes that traditional ways are best. I didn’t like her at first, but she has the best (and funniest) lines on the show.
In any church, you might think that the pastor and his wife are flawless, but the more you know them, the more you’ll realize they’re as human and hurting as you are.
And you’ll meet people you liked at first but don’t like later, as well as those you didn’t like at first but eventually come to respect.
Second, everybody has their own internal conflicts.
Mary has a complicated relationship with Matthew, his fiancee, and Sir Richard. (I don’t understand how these things work, but hey, I’m a guy!)
Sybil is drawn to the socialistic chauffeur but knows that her family doesn’t approve.
Bates is torn between settling his past in London and courting Anna.
And poor Daisy feels pressured to make a huge decision against her own conscience.
So many church conflicts have their origins inside people. Several years ago, when I contacted a consultant about a conflict I was having with certain leaders, he wanted to know what was going on in their lives before asking about the nature of the conflict.
Third, internal conflicts lead to interpersonal conflicts.
While Mary’s heart leans toward Matthew, her head leads toward Sir Richard … confusing both men.
Mrs. Hughes is torn between helping a servant and letting her rot … causing her to say one thing and do another.
Mrs. Patmore wants to feed the household as cheaply as possible, but when she turns to the black market … she has issues with kitchen personnel.
And Robert (the Earl of Grantham) finds himself drawn to someone new … resulting in confusion.
In church conflict, we notice problems between people because of criticism, harshness, scapegoating, and exaggeration.
But we never see people’s hearts, and they can be filled with jealousy, anger, revenge, and bitterness.
Finally, many characters hide their true feelings.
I like expressive people. I don’t like to guess what’s going on inside someone’s mind. For that reason, I admire characters like Violet, and the chauffeur, and Anna, and Sir Richard because they’re open and honest … even if they’re not always wise.
But many of the characters conceal their emotions, and with all the eavesdropping that goes on at Downton Abbey, they’re wise to keep secrets to themselves.
So Mary won’t tell Matthew how she really feels. She hints, and postures, but withdraws when things start to become intimate.
Carson and Mrs. Hughes respect one another and confide in each other, but neither one feels free to admit how much they like each other.
Sybil conceals her feelings for the chauffeur for a long time.
And poor Edith is afraid to tell anyone how she feels. (Remember what happened to Little Joe on Bonanza whenever he fell in love with someone?)
It’s my nature to bury people’s personal secrets when they confide in me. I want people to feel there is at least one person they can trust.
But I don’t like institutional secrets. When I was leading a church, I felt that people should know as much as they wanted to know about the way the place was run and managed.
But just like in the church, most characters on Downton Abbey can’t keep a secret. Much of the time, when a character confides in someone, that person runs off and tells others. (If two characters want to share confidences, why don’t they go for a walk?) Sharing secrets always makes me cringe, but I guess it’s human nature.
If you’re been watching Downton Abbey, are there other lessons about conflict you’d like to share?
Mr. Bean is hysterical
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When we were in Moldova five years ago, our missionary friend Mark had a video of Mr. Bean. In the middle of nowhere – in what used to be part of the Soviet Union – we all watched Mr. Bean and laughed and laughed. Rowan Atkinson’s portrayal of Mr. Bean transcends culture. He has around 15 million “likes” on Facebook.
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There’s a line in a theme song for a show called Pretty Little Liars that says “two can keep a secret if one of them’s dead”.
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