I’ve had it up to here with all the lying.
In fact, it’s getting to the point where I don’t know who to believe anymore.
Allow me to explain.
I’m currently reading a biography of a famous sports figure. This superstar had an agent who had represented him for 8 years. When the superstar wondered how hard the agent was working on his behalf, the agent spent an entire day with his client, spreading mounds of relevant documents on the dining room table. At the end of the evening, the superstar hugged his agent.
Not long afterwards, the superstar fired his agent … and then began to “spread the word that he was an ineffective, immoral, pathetic, snake of a man.”
One by one, nearly all of the agent’s famous clients dropped him. With his reputation in tatters, the agent’s career was finished. He eventually lost his home, sold most of his possessions, and contemplated suicide.
All because of a lie.
Lies are powerful things. For some reason, people are quick to believe bad news about someone … especially someone in a position of power.
CEOs, executives, and leaders of all types are routinely lied about … and that includes pastors. You wouldn’t believe the lies that have been told about me … or maybe you would.
But aren’t God’s people to be purveyors of truth? Isn’t Jesus our Lord the One who said, “The truth shall set you free?”
Yes and yes.
But when a major conflict invades a church, some people start lying. Peter Steinke, in his book Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, writes that when a conflict “regresses to a forceful competition,” then:
“Lying increases, taking many forms – half-truths, withholding information, inflating statistics and bloating claims, fabricating events, releasing publicly that [which] was to be private, double talk, and false attributions.”
But why would any Christian lie?
To get their way. To win a conflict. To defeat their opponents.
But isn’t lying wrong for a Christian?
Yes. The ninth commandment (“You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor”) stands for all time. Since God does not lie (Titus 1:2), and 1 Peter 2:22 reminds us that Jesus never lied (“He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth”), God’s people are expected to be people of truth – even if the rest of the world lies.
But in all too many cases … when Christians want to win and make somebody else lose … they resort to lying.
I’ll give you an example. I know a man who pastored a large church. Some conflict began to surface inside his congregation. This pastor told me that a woman wrote a letter to everyone in the church stating that the pastor did not believe several essential doctrines of the Christian faith. The woman’s statement was 100% false, but the pastor ended up resigning … and a Christian leader (whose judgment I trust) told me that this pastor is among the best Christian leaders in his part of the country.
But he never pastored a church again.
While God cannot lie, Satan routinely lies. In Jesus’ words, the devil is “a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44). The very phrase “devil” means “slanderer.” It’s Satan’s nature to lie.
When truth permeates a congregation, God prevails. But when lying becomes prevalent, Satan prevails.
Let me make a strong statement: when people in a church lie to get rid of their pastor, they are inviting Satan to take control of their church.
Such people no longer trust God because they no longer trust truth. They can’t push out their pastor unless they lie about him … so they lie … and unfortunately, all too often, the lies work.
Why? Because Christians are naïve and gullible?
Maybe. But the main reason that Christians believe lies is because they are unwilling to check and see whether the statements about the pastor are true or false.
Let’s say that I attend First Church and that after a year, I become a member.
One day, I hear a rumor from a friend that the pastor has stolen church funds, and has used those funds to build an expensive cabin in the mountains.
What should I do with that information?
I should not instantly believe the rumor. Instead, I need to ask some questions:
*I need to ask my friend, “Who did you hear this from? How reliable is the source?” I need to be skeptical at this point. There may be another agenda at work.
*I need to contact both a board member and a staff member and tell them, “I’ve heard this rumor about the pastor. What light can you shed on this for me?”
*I need to contact the pastor and say, “There’s a rumor going around that you’ve stolen church funds and have used those funds to build a cabin. Is this true?”
If I just take my friend’s word for it, then my friend controls me. If my friend leaves the church over the rumor, then I may contemplate leaving. If my friend jumps on the “push out the pastor” bandwagon, I will be tempted to do the same.
So I need to gather facts from others as well. Even if my friend seems credible, I need to contact several church leaders – as well as the pastor – to find out if the rumor is true.
Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”
You can’t believe the first thing … or the first person … that you hear. Why not?
Because you may be believing a lie.
If Satan assigned ten big liars to every church, but every Christian checked out the veracity of the lies before believing anything, the liars would all leave in disgrace.
But if all the liars have to do is float a lie … and it’s instantly believed … then Satan wins, and at least in that church, Jesus temporarily loses.
Seymour Hersh is a famous (liberal) journalist who laments the fact that government officials and journalists in America continually tell lies. In a recent interview, Hersh said, “The republic’s in trouble, we lie about everything, lying has become the staple.” We live in a culture full of lies, and sometimes it’s hard to know who’s telling the truth.
I don’t like to be lied to, and I will never support any politician – of any party – who lies to me. Lying may work in the short-term, but it erodes trust over time. But we almost expect politicians to lie, don’t we?
But God expects that His people will be people of truth … even when there’s a conflict involving a pastor.
Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us that there are seven things that God hates, including “a lying tongue,” “a false witness who pours out lies,” and “a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.”
Did you catch that? God hates lying and division among His people. Do we hate lying like He does?
Sometimes I wonder.
Nearly 40 years ago, I knew someone who served on the staff of a church. From all indications, he seemed to be a good man.
This staff member wanted to get rid of someone in the church that he didn’t like. Sadly, the staff member resorted to lying to get his way.
When the pastor did some investigating, he called the staff member into his office … asked him some questions … and caught the staff member in a lie.
The pastor said to him, “You know what to do.”
The staff member instantly resigned.
That’s the way we used to handle lies in the church. There was always a price to pay.
But today? In all too many cases, when professing Christians lie to remove someone … especially a pastor … from office, nothing happens to the liars.
And in almost every case where an innocent pastor is forced to resign, you can trace the campaign against him back to Christians who lied about their pastor.
If we’re going to advance the kingdom of God in our generation, Jesus’ church needs to be characterized by truth. We need to adopt a zero tolerance policy about lying … especially about pastors.
And if we catch people lying about pastors … because the consequences of such lies can be catastrophic for the church’s future and the pastor’s career … we’ve got to come down hard on the liars. They need to repent … even in front of the entire church … if we want God’s blessing.
But if we coddle the liars … and make excuses for them … and let them into key leadership positions … God help us.
Years ago, I decided that I want 5 words to summarize my ministry: HE TOLD US THE TRUTH.
May every follower of Jesus have that same desire. As Paul writes in Ephesians 4:25: “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
Not two bodies … one.
Sadly true Jim. Often the perpetrators of lies, rumors, etc. just go on enjoying their jobs, reputations and lives not giving a thought to the damage their tongues have caused. James 3:6 “And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.” May God help us to take very seriously the account we must give for our tongues for Jesus himself said in Mtt. 12:36 “I tell you on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned”.
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Thank you, Shelli, for your thoughts. Throughout history, the church of Jesus has emphasized telling the truth and not lying, and yet you’ll hear little if anything about the folly of believing lies. A liar cannot succeed unless enough people believe his/her lies. Are Christians in such situations overly emotional? Unthinking? I don’t know, but I do know that we need to teach people to hear “the other side” before they come to a conclusion.
Jim
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What if it is the pastor who is lying? And has sweet-talked many in the congregation to believe him rather than seek out the truth?
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Hi Betty,
In the great majority of cases, pastors are lied about as opposed to doing the lying themselves. However, if a pastor is clearly lying, he needs to be confronted about his lie. If he lied in public, he should confess his lie in public. If he lied in private, those he lied about should confront him and request a retraction. Sometimes, however, nobody is lying … there is either a difference of opinion or a difference in interpretation.
If I attended a church, and I knew the pastor was lying on a regular basis, I’d leave that church in a heartbeat.
If you have a specific case in mind, and you’d like to discuss it, please write me at jim@restoringkingdombuilders.org and I’ll do my best to help you.
Thanks for writing, Betty.
Jim
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To Betty……I know exactly where you are coming from When I left my
church after attending for many years, I too was lied about. I have strong
suspicions that my pastor is the one that started lies about me once I
left. He verbally abused me most of the years I was there. After I prayed
and God told me to leave, in some ways it got worse. Now, people that
loved me and spoke to me while I was there have completely ignored me
when I see them elsewhere. One friend cut off all communication and
won’t return emails. Even years before I left the Lord gave me dreams about
this pastor and his wife and another so-called friend in the church. When the
friend was being harrassed later on by others, I’m the one that stood up
for her and defended her. I tried to stick up for her against accusations.
But in my dream she was the one that was lying about me, along with the
pastor and his wife. The dream came about 4 years before I ended up
leaving. Now I see that God was warning me about these people. Even
through all the abuse I loved my church, the people and the pastor. I over-
looked so much for the sake of peace. Now, I feel that others have
heard the lies and because people think pastors and church leaders are
incapable of doing such things, they believe what they hear. Pastors
are responsible to seek truth….telling lies about those in their congregation
is so ungodly. It’s equally as bad for a church member to lie about a
leader or pastor or to believe such lies without seeking the truth and
allowing the accused to set it straight. Lying should be unheard of in the
christian church. But as the Lord told me many years ago….in His eyes,
it is much better to be the falsely accused than the false accuser.
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I’m so sorry for what you’ve experienced. God’s people … and especially God’s leaders … should be characterized by truth, never falsehood. But whenever there’s an attempt to get rid of a staff member or a pastor … and the faction in charge doesn’t have an impeachable offense … they almost always exaggerate their target’s offenses to destroy their reputation and remove them from their position. Jesus’ enemies lied about Him, too.
In my experience, there is nothing worse in the church of Jesus Christ than to be lied about. The lies simmer inside your spirit and just won’t leave. You can unilaterally forgive the liars, and that might help some, but the single best way to deal with the lies is to confront those who are spreading them. But when you do that … and I’ve tried … everyone denies that they said anything bad about you. In the end, the father of lies is the one responsible for all the lying.
The single best thing you can do to combat lying is tell the truth in all your dealings with God’s people. Model the way you’d like to be treated. May God grant you His mercy and grace … enough to forgive the liars and to move on with your life.
Jim
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Thanks, I didn’t expect an answer, just wanted to make the point that it is not always the congregants lying about the pastor. I am on the music staff at the church I’m referring to, and don’t want to/can’t afford to leave. Since it is a Methodist church the pastor can only be removed by the District Superintendent and Bishop. Unless and until that happens, we who are simply trying to serve God are stuck in a horrible situation. I’m sure you can relate to that.
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I’ve had the misfortune of dealing with a liar on a church staff, and it’s so confusing because you never know when to believe them or not believe them. In my case, I obtained documented proof of the lies and then confronted the individual, who continued to lie until I presented the evidence. I hope you’re documenting everything. Liars should never be in leadership because you can’t trust them. I’m sure you’re not the only person having problems with the pastor, and for that reason, he may not have much time left. Let’s hope not.
Jim
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What about when the pastor lies to get his/her way? What about when a lay leader lies? Like Betty, I’m heart broken over a situation in which the two leaders are simply lying. It is very clever lying, but it is lying. It isn’t over anything that should be remotely confidential (such as a personnel matter). There’s now a clear pattern of parsing words to present a “narrative” that is 180 degrees opposite of meanings that are clear in their context. The audacity of it is stunning. All one needs to do is present the email in which the meaning is clear, but they will select one clause to the exclusion of three sentences. “This would be OK if …. ” being interpreted as something being OK and ignoring the “if.” People are getting hurt by it and it seems to be standard operating procedure. I used to think that the community is more than its leaders, but this is so dreadful…
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I’m sorry this is happening in your church. The enemy specializes in lying. When a conflict reaches a certain level, deception is usually used to destroy the opposition. Lying breaks the heart of God and drives people apart.
Lying is especially repugnant when it’s engaged in by Christian leaders. If they are fighting for control of your church, they may consciously or unconsciously feel that it’s okay to stretch (or omit) the truth to gain an advantage.
What do your governing documents (church constitution/bylaws) say about how to handle this kind of situation?
As I shared in my blog article “Lying in the Church,” I believe that the senior pastor, staff members, board members, and lay leaders should all be subject to dismissal if they have blatantly and openly lied. Lies can be difficult to prove because good liars just keep on lying until they get their way. To nab a liar, you either need a confession or irrefutable proof.
If you’d like to write me at jim@restoringkingdombuilders.org, maybe you can send me the email in question or you can share a little bit more about what’s happening. I’ll be happy to share my thoughts on this with you.
Thank you for writing.
Jim
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I can’t stand the thought that someone would actually lie about a pastor or spiritual leader. I don’t see how someone would not fear God enough to keep from telling a blatant lie about a man or woman of God. I was always taught to respect spiritual leaders. Imagine how I feel after being lied about by a
spiritual leader (yes, it does happen). I attented a church for many years and
that church became my “home”, the people were like my “family”. For me to
leave there was not easy, but the Lord gave me the scripture to wipe the dust
off my feet and leave. I would not have done so unless God told me to.
After attending there a few years the pastor pointed his finger directly at me
on a Sunday morning and accused me of something publicly I was not doing.
I was stunned but felt God told me to stay, so I did. I thought it would be an
isolated incident, but could not understand why it had happened. Little did I
know that over the next several years, similar things would happen.
I can’t count how many times accusations were leveled at me with no
explanation whatsoever. I wanted to think I was imagining it, but I know without doubt I was not. I was not in any way a suspicious person waiting for
someone to attack me this way. I was not verbally abused by my father or
mother or my husband so I was not overreacting in any way. Jim who said
leaders should be dismissed when caught in a blatant lie that hurts other people is true. I would say let them have time to think about what they’ve done
and allow them time to repent. If they don’t admit they’ve done wrong, then
let God lead you into what the right thing to do is in that case. I would give
them all the benefit of the doubt….maybe their words were misunderstood or
someone had something against them in the first place. I know that happens.
But what about when the pastor really IS saying untrue things because of his
own insecurity and maybe feeling threatened by someone in the congregation.
I’m tired of hearing people say “well, they are only human”. What a cop-out.
I could kill someone and say “well, I’m only human, we all make mistakes”.
REALLY??!! So killing someones reputation is not wrong? I felt sometimes
that I could not even walk in church with my head up because of the things
that were being said. When I finally left, I tried attending another local church.
Guess what? That pastor, after I attended there two months, actually pointed
at me, on a Sunday morning, and falsely accused me in front of a couple
hundred people. I tried to arrange a meeting with him but he could “never
find time” to meet with me. I only wanted to find out what I had done to cause
this. After emailing him, with his permission, he flatly denied that what he did
was wrong, but could not directly answer my question. Anyway, I beleive God
showed me that the first pastor had contacted him and told him things about
me and instead of this next pastor calling me in to verify these things, he chose to believe this nonsense. I know that even in the world men are assumed innocent until proven guilty. I was not given that oppurtunity. When
I tried to forgive and forget I went to another church service at the second
church. Believe it or not, the pastor again publicly humiliated me. (A friend
acknowledged that it did happen). Now, I am having trust issues with those
in leadership, but is that my fault or theirs? I know God will use this issue
so I can help others in the same situation. I still love God with all my heart.
To any pastors reading this; please consider the damage you can do with your tongue…. yes, God can heal the people but why go through all the years of pain that saying the wrong thing can bring? God has a good plan for all of
us. Your true joy will come when you say things to help someone reach their
goal, not when you use the gift God has given you in the wrong way, when you feel threatened by them and try to hold them down. A true leader wants
those under him to go further and will not try to trip them up. Another
thought; consider the damage done, like a row of Dominoes…..my precious
husband, who for years went to church with me, along with our children,
stopped coming after awhile because of the things he was seeing going on
that I kept making excuses for, hoping things would get better. He never
tried to stop me from going but could not stand the hypocricy. He has never
hindered me in any way, giving me freedom to go to whatever church I
wanted. But he could not force himself to go and see what he was seeing.
Now, except for an occassional bible study or get together, I am not attending
a regular fellowship, while my (false) accusers continue to go on like nothing
has happened.
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Thank you for writing. I hurt for you and what you’ve been through. Let me offer a few thoughts:
*Christian leaders … including pastors … should never lie. Period. If we can’t tell the truth, we have no business being in ministry because we can’t be trusted.
*It’s wrong for a pastor to attack those who are listening to him from the pulpit. Everything that a pastor says in a sermon should benefit everyone who attends. Sometimes when I was preparing a sermon, someone’s face would flash into my mind because I thought they needed to hear what I would be saying, but oftentimes, those people didn’t show up when I preached! If a pastor needs to say something to someone in his congregation, he needs to say it to them personally and not hide behind the pulpit.
*Churchgoers do lie about spiritual leaders … all the time … especially when they’re angry with them or when they want to remove them from office. The single thing that has wounded me the most in ministry is being lied about, and the problem is … you don’t know how many people believe the lies.
*In your case, you might have used Matthew 18:15-17 and spoken to your first pastor directly, just between the two of you. You could have tested your belief that the pastor was speaking directly to you. (I don’t like it when a speak points his finger at anyone. I think it’s inadvisable and judgmental. I wouldn’t stay in a church where the pastor was pointing fingers at people from the pulpit. To me, it’s a form of abuse.)
*I can understand why you wouldn’t want to go to church right now, but maybe there’s something you can do about it. Here’s my thought:
Ask around and find a wise, kind, experienced pastor in your area. Set up an appointment with that pastor. Tell him your story. Ask him what you should do about it. Maybe he knows the pastors you’ve mentioned. Maybe he can provide insight for you about them.
Another idea is to set up an appointment with the one of the board members from either church. Tell him or her your story. Ask what you should do.
If you’d feel comfortable filling me in further on your situation, please feel free to write me at jim@restoringkingdombuilders.org God bless you!
Jim
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Thank you for taking the time to respond to me personally. For the sake of
space I did not include every detail in my last letter, but before I took the
step of leaving the first church, I went to speak to the pastor twice. I wanted to be sure that if I left, I had done all I could to
make peace. I asked the pastor directly if I had done something to offend him,
and if so, what it was because I wanted to make it right.
He assured me that all was well between the two of us. When nothing changed
after that I arranged another meeting where almost the same conversation
took place. He told me again that everything was okay between us. For a couple of weeks, everything seemed to be fine. I thought maybe things
would turn around and I could enjoy going to church again. Then, on
the third week he did it again. I was hurt, but once I got home, God
gave me the scripture to “…wipe the dust off your feet and leave that place”
The next morning someone called and gave me the same
scripture saying she felt God led her to call me. She was not aware of what had transpired the night before. I thought about meeting with someone
on the board, but it’s made up of the pastors close friends…they
go places together as friends, and with their families. I am not sure I could trust
any of them to not be biased in this situation, nor could I trust any of them to
keep a confidence. Same thing with the second pastor. He refused to meet with
me and when I emailed him he would not even ackowledge that he could have
done anything wrong. Actually, he is the not the head of the church, his wife is
senior pastor. He is associate pastor. . I would have been happy to have her in the room; I’m sure that would have been the right
thing to do anyway. But he “did not have time” so she filled in. I wonder if I had
been the mayor or someone “important” if he could have
found the fifteen minutes I was asking for. When I explained what happened,
she remarked that if he said it, it “must have been God”. Then she said that if it wasnt God, then I should just ignore it and move forward.
So either it HAD TO BE GOD, or it was possible it was NOT GOD AT ALL.
He never apologized and never even gave me the time of day. She defended him profusely. I was aware she was a pastor so I did not push it.
I am trying to move forward, but if the first pastor has tried to sabatage me,
I’m not sure what I can do. I’ve never been verbally asked to leave a church.
It’s more like being made to feel unwelcome and “pushed out” emotionally.
I would never complain or make an issue of carpet color, or whether the pastor
said hi, or if someone sat in “my seat” at church.
. I can’t stand pettiness. But this goes
WAY beyond that. There’s nothing petty about this.
I believe most spiritual leaders are good, honest people that God has called
into ministry. I want to believe the best of all of them, but in my own personal
experience I have not seen that.
. With Gods help, I want to forgive them all completely, but I cannot say this has not affected me, while those that tripped me up are living life as usual.
Lastly, if you ask a pastor about another pastor in the area, they will speak
well of them no matter what. They won’t say anything negative about those
pastors in a private meeting. (However, I have heard them put down other
churches in the area in general, stating “our church is the ONLY church around
here that really knows how to worship God”. I heard that with my own ears.)
That proves your point that they will use the pulpit to hide behind. If they are going to say anything they feel that as long as they are behind the pulpit they
can pretty much say what they want, claiming it was “a word from God”.
They are not quite as bold in a private meeting. They only know these
other pastors casually and from meeting them here or there for various reasons.
So privately they will defend them, acting like they know them more than they
do. It’s like an invisible wall of denial.
Thank you for your advice. I will pray about it and I know God will open a
door for me to know exactly what to do. One of my favorite scriptures
is Romans 8:28 ” … ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD…….”
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I commend you for speaking to the pastor from the first church. That was the right thing to do. You loved him enough to speak with him directly. Good job!
I understand why you didn’t want to speak with a board member about the pastor, but it wouldn’t have hurt at all if you were leaving anyway. If you have a problem with the pastor personally, then you need to speak with him personally, which you did. If you have a problem with church policy, you can speak with any board member, not just the pastor. If the pastor is addressing people directly from the pulpit, though, the board needs to know about it and stop it. It’s highly dysfunctional behavior.
When you spoke with the female pastor, at least you put her and her husband on notice about the behavior. Just asking: is it possible that he wasn’t aware of what he was doing?
Just a thought: you might try attending a megachurch for a while. You can just sit there and take in God’s Word and take some time to heal. Megachurches are full of wounded believers from area congregations.
As far as pastors defending each other … they defend their profession, but not necessarily each other. I wouldn’t rip on another pastor, but if I knew him … and his eccentricities … I might say to you, “I’ve heard that before about him, and if it’s true, it’s unfortunate.” I wouldn’t expect another pastor to resolve your problem, but to present some steps on how you might handle things.
Thanks for interacting with me. Write anytime!
Jim
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I appreciate the suggestion to attend a megachurch, at least for a while.
The two churches I mentioned are actually the largest in the area,
one with about 500, and the other probably 350. This is a medium size
town with plenty of smaller churches, practically every other street has a
church, with one denomination or another.
However, I will pray and ask God to show me where I should go, even if
it’s temporary. The next large city is about 40 miles away. Maybe it
will be there.
To hear a pastor say that this behaviour is wrong and should have never
happened is rare. I’ve been made to feel like I was being overly sensitive
when deep down inside I knew I was not. I’m not a troublemaker, and would
prefer peace in any situation. Yes, we are in a war, but we are supposed
to be fighting a common enemy, not each other.
Thanks for your help and encouragement. It is very much appreciated.
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The beauty of attending a megachurch is that you can go and worship and not have to be involved. You don’t have to serve in a ministry … you don’t have to feel guilty if you don’t go to all their meetings … and you can clear your head for a while until God leads you somewhere else. I have a pastor friend who served at one of the largest churches in the country and he told me the church was full of people from other churches who came there to heal and then found a smaller church after a year or two. Going somewhere else will give you perspective as well because you can compare the way the megachurch does church with the way you’re used to seeing it done.
I agree wholeheartedly: we are not supposed to be fighting each other. Most church fights are power struggles. The pastor wants to take the church in one direction, while some of the lay leaders in power feel threatened by the pastor’s agenda because they want the church to stay the way it is. If he gets his way, and the church grows, and more people come, they will lose their influence. The lay leaders then dig in their heels … resist the pastor’s attempts to change … and gather a faction to attack him. Happens in nearly every church unless the pastor can force a showdown and get them to leave first.
Your instincts are correct. Many pastors don’t want to have the showdown because they’ve tried to confront the troublemakers in the past and things backfired on them. So they just remain passive and let the troublemakers have their way … but then the church doesn’t really go anywhere until (a) the troublemakers repent, or (b) the troublemakers leave.
God bless you. Let me know what happens!
Jim
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Thanks for your kind writing, Jim. I was traveling and just got back. I can send the email from this one particular instance, but the meeting in which the meaning was twisted 180 was verbal. It was about control and scapegoating (in order to maintain appearances). It is really clever, the people involved have Ivy League degrees (so do I…). It isn’t the only instance, either. I don’t see that we have governing documents that can help this. Now that several months have passed, others have had bad experiences. The freight train is heading for the cliff, those of us who can see it are heartbroken for the hurt we’ve already suffered, and the hurt that is clearly to come. The question is do I dis-engage (in order to not collaborate with it) but stay at the church, taking a long view and hoping for healing, and possibly regime change. Or leave? Community is really important and the Body of Christ is bigger than 2 people, even the 2 leaders (one of them is term limited).
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What if it is your Mother who has lied about you to your siblings and other family who believe the lies, which then gets into the various churches? I have been labelled ‘demonic’ and ‘demon-possessed’ all because I have died twice.
I’m tired of the spiritual, emotional, verbal, and mental abuse. I have ‘honored’ my Mother, even when she told me that “God can’t talk to you. He has to go through me first.” But, I’m done.
All I have ever heard from her is “You are burning in Hell,” while everyone else “are sinners saved by grace.”
Thank you.
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I am sorry for what you are going through. The best way to handle ongoing troubles with any family member is to distance yourself from them for a while and then renegotiate the relationship. At the same time, can you find a healthy church with a healthy pastor with whom you can share your struggles? I wish you all God’s best.
Jim
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