Pastor Karl woke up Monday morning with a splitting headache at 4:37 am after having the same nightmare he’d had for the past few weeks.
It was Sunday morning – 15 minutes before the worship service was scheduled to begin – and he had not prepared his sermon.
Karl wondered, “Why do I keep having the same nightmare?” Whenever he got up to preach, he was always well-prepared … and everybody knew it.
Unable to get back to sleep, Karl stumbled into his home study, rubbed his eyes, and tried to have his quiet time. As he read from 1 Kings about Elijah, that day’s packed schedule flooded into his mind. He became so overwhelmed that he kept reading the same lines from Scripture over and over … but he couldn’t seem to grasp their meaning.
After a brief time of prayer, Karl sat in his chair, turned on the news, and fell asleep.
Waking with a start at 7:23, Karl awoke to find his two children had already left for school with his wife Valerie … so for a few minutes, he had the house all to himself.
As he ate breakfast, cleaned up, and got dressed, Karl continued to review that day’s schedule. He kept telling himself, “I will be home tonight by 10 pm … I will be home tonight by 10 pm.”
Karl arrived at his church study at Family Bible Church at 8:28. After putting his things on his desk, he walked into the church office to greet Amy, his office manager. She promptly handed Karl an envelope and said, “It’s another anonymous letter … the second one within a week. I think you better read it.”
Karl replied, “It’s not our policy to read unsigned correspondence. If they don’t care enough to go on the record, how can we weigh their complaints or respond to their grievances?”
Amy responded, “I still think you should read it.”
Karl gave it back to her and told her to destroy it.
After signing some letters, Karl asked Amy, “Do you have the numbers from yesterday?” Amy handed them to Karl.
For the third straight Sunday, overall attendance was down. Karl couldn’t figure it out. His sermons on marriage were relevant, the services seemed inspiring, and he’d received some great feedback from a cross-section of the congregation about his messages.
But the attendance figures didn’t reflect his optimism.
Just as ominous, Karl noticed that the offering was abysmal … about 25% less than the average amount the church needed every week to make budget. Nothing made any sense.
Demoralized, Karl walked toward his office and was intercepted by the worship pastor, who reminded Karl that he would be on vacation the next two Sundays. Just what we need, Karl said to himself: the B Team will be leading worship when we need the quality of the A Team more than ever.
Just as Karl breathed a brief prayer to the Lord for strength, Amy buzzed him and told him that Patti, the women’s team leader, was on the phone. Patti was upset with the way the last two women’s events had gone … so upset that she threatened to quit. Karl spent 45 minutes he didn’t have trying to get her to reconsider.
As he left his office for a much-needed bathroom break, Karl was intercepted by Joe and Tom, two of the seniors. They wanted to know if Karl had a minute for them. Karl assured them he would speak with them as soon as he returned from the men’s room.
Joe and Tom told Karl that several of the seniors were upset with him over his recent sermon on marriage … specifically the sermon where Karl preached on 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, Paul’s instructions on sex to married couples in Corinth. The two men told Karl that the language he used was too graphic for some of the seniors to handle and that they would boycott the rest of his series on marriage as a result.
Karl tried to explain that for those under 60, the terms he used were mild and demonstrated relevance, but the two men said, “We just view ourselves as messengers. We thought you needed to know.”
An anonymous letter … poor attendance and giving stats … the B team leading worship … and now a seniors’ boycott. Karl wondered, “What else can go wrong today?”
Karl slipped into the worship center and tried to reach his wife on her cell phone … just for support … but she didn’t answer.
He prayed a brief prayer and returned to his study.
Checking his emails, Karl received two encouraging notes thanking him for last Sunday’s message on sex in marriage … but he also received two notes telling him that his sermon was too graphic. Karl answered them all. With one of the critical notes, he wrote several paragraphs … just for self-therapy … but then he erased everything and wrote a two-sentence reply instead.
Lunch was approaching, and Karl was scheduled to meet with Tim, whose family had been coming to the church for several weeks. When Karl arrived at the restaurant at the scheduled time of 11:45, Tim was nowhere to be found. He finally showed up at 12:10, causing Karl stress because he had so much to do that day.
Tim said some encouraging things about Family Bible, but then told Karl that if he had and his family were to stay, they needed to see improvement in the youth and children’s ministries. Because Tim had an important position in a large company, Karl momentarily imagined him giving several thousand dollars a month to the church … helping to alleviate those nagging budgetary difficulties … but Karl swatted that thought away. He then told Tim, “I will speak to the leaders of both ministries and see what I can do.”
When Karl returned from lunch, he looked through his mail, returned several phone calls, and then sat down for a marriage counseling session with a key couple from church. Both partners led important ministries, and Karl had no idea there was anything wrong in their relationship.
An hour later, Karl felt like throwing up. The woman claimed that her husband was guilty of physical abuse … the husband apologized for his temper … and Karl knew he couldn’t counsel them any further, so he recommended them to a local Christian counselor. But now he knew too much about this couple’s relationship. How could the husband remain a leader at church … and what was really going on in their marriage?
Since it was mid-afternoon, Karl decided to take a walk, and he ended up at the local drug store. Trying to get his head together by killing a few minutes, two women from the church saw Karl and began telling them about problems they were having with their adult children. Karl listened as best he could … offered to pray for them … and walked back to church … the last place he wanted to go.
After answering a few more emails and phone calls, Mike, the board chairman, showed up at Karl’s office for his 4 pm appointment. The two leaders were supposed to review the agenda for that evening’s board meeting. Karl asked Mike if he knew anything about the seniors’ boycott, and Mike assured Karl that he had heard nothing about it.
Mike then spent most of the session detailing his problems at work … draining Karl even further.
At 5:15, Karl drove home. He changed clothes … looked at the mail … greeted his wife … conversed with his kids for a few minutes … and drove right back to church.
The board meeting … which began at 6 pm to accommodate the schedules of the board members … went downhill fast. The board always reviewed the attendance and giving numbers, and two board members in particular wanted Mike to explain why both indicators were plunging. Mike stammered out a response … he wasn’t ready for this grilling … but they didn’t seem satisfied. “Oh, no,” Karl thought, “why aren’t they more supportive? What’s going on around here?”
During the meeting, Karl received a text. The senior leading the boycott against Karl’s marriage sermons was taken to the emergency room of the county hospital … 30 minutes away. Should Karl stay in the board meeting or go to the hospital?
Karl asked the board. They told him to go to the hospital. When Karl got there, the senior had been placed in a room, and it was too late to see him.
Now Karl worried about what the board would say about him in his absence.
When he arrived home at 10:17, Karl’s wife Valerie was waiting for him. She told him about her day … he told her about his … and they both went to bed.
But again, Karl had a hard time sleeping.
_______________
Being a pastor looks so glamorous to many people. When the pastor stands up to preach on a Sunday morning, his voice is magnified … the lights shine on him … he seems to be in command … and best of all, he seems to be speaking for God.
My guess is that many young people sense a call to ministry by imagining themselves preaching to an enraptured congregation.
But preaching is only a small portion of church ministry for most pastors, even if it’s what most people think about when they mentally picture their pastor.
But the real work of ministry happens Monday through Saturday … behind the scenes … in a church’s offices and hallways as well as community restaurants … and it’s anything but glamorous.
Church ministry is incredibly stressful work. The late management expert Peter Drucker said that being a local church pastor is one of the four most difficult jobs in America.
Why is this?
*People come at the pastor from all angles: appointments … phone calls … emails … letters … and even when he’s shopping. And every time, the pastor feels like he has to be “on.”
*Church ministry is incredibly slow work. People change slowly. Congregations change even more slowly. Pastors may be in a hurry for positive change, but almost nobody else is.
*Pastors have a hard time defining success. Is it measured by statistics? A full schedule? Changed lives? Faithfulness?
*Pastors are expected to give themselves completely to their congregations … but when can they replenish their own energy and strength? After all, they work nights and weekends … times most people use to replenish themselves.
*Pastors often don’t know what people really think about them … and maybe that’s the only way they can stay sane. But they also don’t know what people are saying about them, either, and such talk can end a pastor’s position … or career.
*Pastors can feel momentum shifting away from them in a congregation … and it feels like a very slow death.
_______________
I’ve had many days in church ministry like Pastor Karl. In fact, much of Karl’s Very Bad Day originates from memories of my own time in ministry.
How do you feel about what I’ve written?
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
Only a pastor could have written this! You are absolutely 100% spot on! My fear is that only pastor’s will read it and identify. As a pastor’s wife who has to help carry my husbands burden when he is worn down by the conflicts and problems in the church, I long for the congregation to understand just what his job really entails. I once answered our phone to a woman saying “can pastor come down here to the children’s program practice and help reign in the kids, since he doesn’t have anything else to do until Sunday.” I almost hung up!
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Thanks for your encouragement, Shelli. I can only write about what I know, and I know more than I wish I did. There are also many good days in church ministry, but even a few bad days have a way of bleeding into the good days. Ministry will wear you down unless you are seeing the results you pray to see or unless you receive consistent support from inside the church. When the results aren’t enough, and the support becomes non-existent, trouble awaits!
Jim
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I feel that we need to definitely love and support our Pastor more. Thanks for giving us a glimpse of what Pastors go through.
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Thank you for reading and commenting, Nancy. You are welcome anytime!
Jim
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Jim,
Part of the problem is congrgants have the expectation that their concern is the most important, however no one, especially a Pastor, can never be all things to all people all of the time…they can only please some of the people some of the time. This seems lost on congregations, which leads to pastoral burnout.
Interesting article that dovetails wth your post: http://www.christianitytoday.com/gleanings/2016/january/why-734-pastors-quit-how-churches-could-have-kept-them.html
Paul…
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Thanks for your insights, Paul. I agree with you that everyone seems to want a piece of the pastor … even when he can’t deliver … and many of us – myself included – were very conscious of the fact. When people new to the church went to the hospital, I was comfortable with another staff member visiting them, but if it was someone I knew well, I wanted to go, even when I lacked the time or energy.
I did read the CT article and agree that pastors need more support externally. But a lot of the burnout problem resides inside pastors, some of whom are tougher on themselves than their parishioners are.
Blessings on you, Paul!
Jim
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Hello Jim thank you for your post; it is unfortunate but I can only too closely identify with the events surrounding this pastor’s day. I was senior pastor in a church for 3 1/2 years and I entered it with all the passion and love any person could possess. I am an encourager by nature and I wanted so deeply to be that to the congregation. I wanted to teach, counsel, listen, visit, demonstrate love to these people; but I soon discovered what is behind the curtain in church ministry. I admit I was naive and assumed that God’s people were a loving family, having been exposed to the realities of day to day church ministries that assumption is no more.
In addition to myself, my family has also paid the cost, and my teen daughters want nothing else to do with the church. When we were forced out of our position, there was no help from my denomination, no phone call, no email, no text or even a FB post; the only thing I heard was the deafening sounds of silence. We struggled tremendously emotionally, spiritually, and financially, and lived in a fog for almost two years, but God has been faithful. The fog is lifting and I have found myself working as an associate in a large church on a part time basis.
As much as I was passionate about ministry, I never thought I would be saying this, but I’m considering more about remaining bi-vocational than being full-time ever again. God may have other plans, and if he changes my heart by all means I will obey Him, but I NEVER want to be put in a position again where me, and my family are so vulnerable by such dysfunctional people. I don’t want to be put in a situation where false accusations are thrown at me with no discretion and there is no one to silence the accusers. I don’t want to be in a position where people are allowed to attack me indiscriminately with no advocate because they “don’t want to get involved”. God has called me to be the protector of my family, and I will not allow my family who I love deeply to be put in a position to be hurt by people who attack indiscriminately.
Since being pushed out of full-time ministry I have worked in corporate America for the past two years and have been treated with respect, my boss has been equitable, and my co-workers are very cohesive, and fun to work with. Working as a part-time associate pastor there is less of a tendency for people to feel they have a sense of ownership over me. I can buy a car like everyone else and not be questioned about my finances. I have the liberty of NOT attending every function, and am not condemned when I don’t. Another aspect that I enjoy is that if ANYONE says anything negative about any of the staff and if I am within earshot, I will address them and their gossip, and slander and defend the senior pastor and staff at all cost. They no longer own me, and I will hold them accountable for any ungodly slander. I know this post sounds dramatic but the experience that my family and I endured was very traumatic, and I do not wish for any other pastor to every have a similar experience.
In summary I wish to say this, thank you for being there during my darkest hours; you have been a tremendous help to me in my recovery. I left the full-time ministry feeling defeated, and like a failure, and felt that my career was over. However; the experience has only made me stronger, and much wiser. My hope is that no other pastor experiences such pain in their ministry, but I know that this is not the reality of the church therefore; my hope is in Jesus Christ to impose his will within his church so that we can be the ambassadors he intends us to be.
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Gil, you write beautifully and are able to express how you feel, which many pastors are unable to do. Would you consider fleshing out your comment a little more and letting me post it as a blog? You can do it by name or anonymously. Let me know what you think.
By the way, I’m glad you don’t feel that a church owns you anymore. It’s a horrible feeling to be a slave to anyone or anything but Jesus.
Jim
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Hello Jim,
Yes I would be willing to modify my comments so you can post it as anonymous however; can you tell me what you mean by “fleshing out” means? Thanks Jim.
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What you wrote is terrific, which is why I’d like to publish it in the first place. All I mean by “flesh out” is that (a) you might want to add a few thoughts or feelings knowing that it will be online, and (b) you might want to review it a few times to see if there’s anything you’d like to change before I put it out.
Thanks, Gil! Let me know what you’d like to do.
Jim
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Hello Jim, I tried posting to your latest blog, “A Day in the Life of a Pastor”, my internet connection keeps failing so I have included in this email below. Hello Jim thank you for your post; it is unfortunate but Ican only too closely identify with the events surrounding this pastor’s day. Iwas senior pastor in a church for 3 1/2 years and I entered it with all thepassion and love any person could possess. I am an encourager by nature and Iwanted so deeply to be that to the congregation. I wanted to teach, counsel,listen, visit, demonstrate love to these people; but I soon discovered what isbehind the curtain in church ministry. I admit I was naive and assumed thatGod’s people were a loving family, having been exposed to the realities of dayto day church ministries that assumption is no more. In addition to myself, my family has also paid the cost, andmy teen daughters want nothing else to do with the church. When we were forcedout of our position, there was no help from my denomination, no phone call, noemail, no text or even a FB post; the only thing I heard was the deafeningsounds of silence. We struggled tremendously emotionally, spiritually, and financially,and lived in a fog for almost two years, but God has been faithful. The fog islifting and I have found myself working as an associate in a large church on apart time basis. As much as I was passionate about ministry, I never thoughtI would be saying this, but I’m considering more about remaining bi-vocationalthan being full-time ever again. God may have other plans, and if he changes myheart by all means I will obey Him, but I NEVER want to be put in a positionagain where me, and my family are so vulnerable by such dysfunctional people. Idon’t want to be put in a situation where false accusations are thrown at mewith no discretion and there is no one to silence the accusers. I don’t want tobe in a position where people are allowed to attack me indiscriminately with noadvocate because they “don’t want to get involved”. God has called me to be theprotector of my family, and I will not allow my family who I love deeply to beput in a position to be hurt by people who attack indiscriminately. Since being pushed out of full-time ministry I have workedin corporate America for the past two years and have been treated with respect,my boss has been equitable, and my co-workers are very cohesive, and fun towork with. Working as a part-time associate pastor there is less of a tendencyfor people to feel they have a sense of ownership over me. I can buy a car likeeveryone else and not be questioned about my finances. I have the liberty ofNOT attending every function, and am not condemned when I don’t. Another aspectthat I enjoy is that if ANYONE says anything negative about any of the staffand if I am within earshot, I will address them and their gossip, and slanderand defend the senior pastor and staff at all cost. They no longer own me, andI will hold them accountable for any ungodly slander. I know this post soundsdramatic but the experience that my family and I endured was very traumatic,and I do not wish for any other pastor to every have a similar experience. In summary I wish to say this, thank you for being thereduring my darkest hours; you have been a tremendous help to me in my recovery.I left the full-time ministry feeling defeated, and like a failure, and feltthat my career was over. However; the experience has only made me stronger, andmuch wiser. My hope is that no other pastor experiences such pain in theirministry, but I know that this is not the reality of the church therefore; myhope is in Jesus Christ to impose his will within his church so that we can bethe ambassadors he intends us to be.
From: Restoring Kingdom Builders To: gilbertmorales14@yahoo.com Sent: Thursday, January 14, 2016 11:34 AM Subject: [New post] A Day in the Life of a Pastor #yiv3008347374 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv3008347374 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv3008347374 a.yiv3008347374primaryactionlink:link, #yiv3008347374 a.yiv3008347374primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv3008347374 a.yiv3008347374primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv3008347374 a.yiv3008347374primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv3008347374 WordPress.com | Jim Meyer posted: “Pastor Karl woke up Monday morning with a splitting headache at 4:37 am after having the same nightmare he’d had for the past few weeks.It was Sunday morning – 15 minutes before the worship service was scheduled to begin – and he had not prepared his ” | |
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