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Archive for June, 2011

Before Terminating a Pastor

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination on June 3, 2011| 9 Comments »

Every day, it’s the same thing.

The number one phrase that people enter into their search engine that directs them to this blog is “how to terminate a pastor.”

Yesterday, there were three phrases using the terms “terminate” and “pastor,” as well as a fourth entry: “forcing out a pastor.”

There have been days when I’ve woken up and my article called “If You Must Terminate a Pastor” has been read multiple times.  It makes me wonder if it’s been read by an entire board somewhere that’s struggling with this issue.

I’d like to offer five suggestions to church leaders before they act to force their pastor out of his position:

First, talk to your pastor about your concerns.  When my kids were growing up, if they messed up in some fashion, I corrected them immediately.  They knew what I expected and were given time to change their behavior.

A pastor should be treated in a similar manner.

I realize it’s never easy to correct a pastor, but if he’s saying or doing something wrong – or there’s something he’s neglecting to do – then a member of the governing board needs to discuss it with him as soon as possible.

Let’s say a pastor is delving too much into politics in his messages.  In all likelihood, a few people from the church will contact him and tell him they think he’s crossing a line.  This might alert the pastor to a problem, but he might ignore their opinions and plow ahead anyway.

One of the board members then has to talk with the pastor, and the sooner, the better.  If it was me, I wouldn’t wait until the next official board meeting.  Instead, I’d invite the pastor out for a meal and share my concerns with him – and I would speak only for myself, not for the rest of the board.

Many pastors would realize they’ve crossed a line and would stop injecting politics into their sermons right away.  Mission accomplished.

After a private conversation – recommended by Jesus in Matthew 18:15 – the issue should now be closed.

However, some board members just can’t bring themselves to talk to the pastor in private.  So they begin talking about the pastor to each other.  Joe has one complaint against the pastor, Bill has another, and Reed has still another.  All of a sudden, Joe’s complaint is adopted by Bill, and Bill’s is adopted by both Reed and Joe.

This is how church conflict begins: by pooling complaints.

As they do this, the board members start to believe that maybe the pastor should leave.  In fact, they find it easy to blame him for everything that is wrong with their church.

However, the pastor isn’t at fault.  He doesn’t even know about the conversations the board members are having with each other.  Because they failed to use the biblical principle of confronting him directly before involving others (Matthew 18:15), everything that happens from this moment on will largely be the responsibility of those three board members.

If a pastor messes up – and he will from time-to-time – then one person should speak with him in private without involving others.  Ideally, if there are five members on the church board, then all five should approach him separately.

Wouldn’t you like to be treated that way?

Second, be clear about the change you expect.  While pastors are gifted individuals, they are not mind readers.  If you want your pastor to change the way he does ministry, you have to define the change you want.  Don’t make him guess what you’re thinking.

I served with one board that asked me to stop wearing a suit on Sundays and dress down a bit more.  Except for funerals and weddings, I never wore a suit after that.

One board member asked me to quit putting down the Dodgers in my messages.  They were his favorite team and he felt attacked every time I did it.  I stopped.

Here’s the template: “Pastor, I’d like to ask if you’d start/stop doing _____ for this reason: _____.”

I don’t believe that such a statement should be presented as a demand but as a request.  However, unless it’s a matter of doctrine or ethics, you may have to let the pastor make up his own mind about your request.

Many years ago in my first pastorate, two deacons called on a Saturday night and asked me if they could come over and talk with me.  When they arrived, I climbed into one of their cars and heard them out.

They wanted me to give altar calls every Sunday morning.

A public invitation is when a pastor invites people to receive Christ in a church service, often by praying right where they are.

An altar call is much more public.  It’s when a person is asked to walk to the front of the church before receiving Christ, like at a Billy Graham crusdade.

I wrote my thesis in seminary on “a theological evaluation of the altar call.”  I didn’t want to start doing it because we had a church of 40 Christians with few visitors.  Since everybody was already saved, nobody was going to walk forward, even if I was Billy Graham.  Then they would judge my ministry a failture.

Besides, the practice isn’t mentioned anywhere in Scripture and comes out of the 19th century camp meetings.  It’s an option, not a necessity.

So I told them I wouldn’t do it.  (I had more guts at 27 than I do now!)  They accepted my decision – and they never brought it up again.  But I was grateful that they spoke with me about making a specific change.

Third, give the pastor time to change.  With an issue like mentioning politics in a message, the pastor should be expected to stop right away.  If he crosses a line again, then the person who initially spoke with the pastor might choose to take one or two more people with him to speak with the pastor (Matthew 18:16).

However, many pastors develop habits where it’s difficult for them to change overnight.

I was never very good at home visitation.  When I had to visit shut-ins, neither one of us enjoyed the experience very much.  When I stopped by to see newcomers who had visited our church the previous Sunday, they rarely came back.

The boomers didn’t want a pastor coming to their house.  (There were too many things to hide before he got there.)  But many in the builder generation expected that kind of personal attention from their pastor.

If I was asked to visit in homes, I could probably do it for a week or two, but since it’s unnatural for me, I’d find reasons to quit doing it as soon as possible.

It takes time for pastors to change their behavior or learn new skills.  Board members need to realize that.  Maybe the pastor’s progress could be measured on a monthly or quarterly basis.  But give him a chance to change first – and give him points for trying.

Fourth, realize your pastor is unique.  Many Christians have a favorite pastor from their past.  Maybe he led them to Christ, or baptized them, or married them, or counseled them – and he became their pastor forever.

But then he resigned or retired, and while he’s not around anymore, precious memories still linger.

There are times when a board member wants to terminate a pastor because he isn’t Pastor So-and-So from my past.  Over the years, many people have told me about their favorite pastor.  At first, I felt a little intimdated, but then I realized that it’s okay to form a special bond with a man of God.  It’s one of the primary ways God causes us to grow.

But on some level, there are people – even board members – who become upset or even angry with their current pastor because he doesn’t do things the way their favorite pastor did.  They canonize his personality and his methodology.

If this could be the case with you, I beg you: please ask God and a few loved ones around you to tell you the truth as to whether you’re being fair toward your pastor or not.

Because even if you get rid of him, that favorite pastor is not coming back.

Finally, take time to pray that your pastor changes.  Many board members come out of the business world, and prayer is not a business principle.  But prayer works wonders – even with a pastor.

Instead of persuading fellow board members to fire the pastor, why not ask the King of Kings to change him instead?

I once had a pastor who had an annoying habit.  I prayed fervently for him without talking to him about it.  He not only changed, he told the church he had changed!

That principle isn’t in Good to Great, is it?

But it is in the Bible!

Let me put this in a nutshell: before relying on business practices or playing church politics, resolve that you will handle any problems with your pastor in a biblical and spiritual manner.

If you do, the odds are good that you won’t have to terminate your pastor because he’ll respond to you in kind.

Think about it.

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Afraid of Church?

Posted in Church Conflict, Current Church Issues on June 1, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Several years ago, my former church held a social event on a Saturday evening.  We enjoyed great food, crazy games, and gondola rides on a lagoon behind the church campus.

During the event, I met a woman from the neighborhood who came from the Czech Republic.  (She wanted a boat ride but wasn’t attending the event.)  She had experienced some tragedy in her life and told me her story.  After a while, I suggested that she might visit our church sometime.  She seemed to consider the idea.

I carefully led her over to the stairs that rose up to our event center.  The closer we got, the more panic she felt.  Although I was very gentle with her, she wanted nothing to do with being inside a church.  She became extremely anxious and exited the building as quickly as she could.

She was afraid of church.

Like her, many others are also afraid of church.  Some are afraid to set foot on a church campus.  Others are afraid to enter a worship center.  Still others are afraid of Christian music.  And lots of people are afraid of preaching.

Why is this?

For starters, some people have never attended church in their lives – not for a wedding, or a funeral, or a children’s program, or a worship service.  While some people almost pride themselves on never darkening the door of a church, the very thought petrifies others.  But one day, they can’t avoid it any longer.  Their daughter is getting married, or an uncle passed away, or one of their kids has a role in the Christmas program, and the event is held at a church.  They don’t see a way out of the situation, so they go … with all their defenses up.

Is there some kind of event that you’ve never attended and it makes you nervous just thinking about it?  Maybe you’ve never attended a rap concert, or a city council meeting, or an indoor arena football game, and you have no desire to go because you don’t know what will happen if you do.  That’s understandable.

That’s how many people feel about attending any event at a church.

Next, some people have suffered traumatic experiences inside a church service.  Some churches used to exclude non-members from communion, either asking them to leave or asking them not to partake of the elements.  Feeling excluded feels unsafe to some.  On the other hand, I once attended a church service where everyone was expected to leave their pew, walk forward, and kneel around the altar – something I did not want to do.  (But I did it only because I felt coerced.)  The whole experience shook me up because I did not want to embarrass myself in front of scores of strangers who already knew what to do.

Some people don’t sing at church because they never sing anywhere else.  Other people freeze up during the greeting time, either because they want to remain anonymous or because they don’t like to shake hands with strangers.  And a lot of people hate it when a preacher yells about anything because it reminds them of an abusive stepfather or boss.

Shouldn’t such people just “get over it?”  They’d like to, but remember: while going to work is a necessity, going to church is purely optional.  And if the leaders of a church – however well-intentioned – create experiences that make people feel uncomfortable, those people may choose to stay home from church for a long, long time.

Next, some people expect that a church will be a safe place – and if it isn’t, they’ll just stop going.  I believe that a pastor who preaches from Scripture should be able to talk about any issue from the pulpit, even tough social issues like abortion or homosexuality.  However, if a pastor does it without sensitivity, he can unintentionally slash the hearts of those who feel guilty about their past conduct or those who struggle with their present behavior.  The pastor would say he’s being “faithful to the Word of God” and prophetic in his presentation, but if he condemns sin without offering grace, many people will just stop going to that church.

Because he wanted to reach unchurched people, Robert Schuller believed that a pastor shouldn’t deal with controversial issues from the pulpit, that those should best be left for classroom discussions.  But Bill Hybels, who also championed reaching unchurched people, was comfortable dealing with any and all issues, including cultural hot potatoes.  The key is to proclaim the truth while making people feel safe at the same time, because if they don’t feel safe, they won’t come back.

I am not talking about compromising the gospel or avoiding difficult topics.  Most Christians want a church to explain its position on issues from Scripture.  This adds to their knowledge and helps them explain and defend their faith in the marketplace.  For example, if a pastor never talks about abortion, how will most of his people obtain a Christian view of the practice?

But if a pastor becomes so incensed about abortion that he starts screaming and yelling, he may run off women who have secretly had an abortion even if they have already repented.

Finally, some people are afraid of God – and maybe they ought to be – and identify God and church in their mind.

Why bring all this up?

My wife and I experienced a horrible trauma 18 months ago.  The trauma was inflicted by Christian people that we loved and cared about.  We had to move to another state to start the healing process.

To be honest, we didn’t want to attend church anywhere for a while.  It felt dangerous to us.  While we did take a few Sundays off, we eventually began visiting churches, but some of them did not feel like safe places.

At the second church we visited, the pastor raised his voice about an issue, and I sensed he was addressing some critics.  But it still felt uncomfortable.  As my wife and I were walking on a sidewalk toward the parking lot, a couple tried to go around us and forced us off the sidewalk.  (That wasn’t nice.)  And let’s not even talk about how so-called Christians behave in a crowded parking lot.

Forget being seeker-sensitive – some of these churches weren’t even believer-sensitive.

You’re probably wondering, “Jim, aren’t you being nitpicky about this stuff?”

No, I’m not.  Here’s why.

There are millions of people in the United States who believe in God and who already like Jesus Christ – and yet they aren’t yet Christians.  We can blame them all we want for their unbelief, but when they do finally visit a church – maybe after years of avoiding one – what kind of experience do we give them?

We act like they’re not even there.

Maybe they’re not afraid of church as much as we are afraid of them.

A pastor friend once told me about a time that he went up after class to speak with one of his seminary professors.  My friend said, “I appreciate what you taught us: teach the sheep and love the sheep.”  The professor said, “No, I said love the sheep and teach the sheep – and in that order.”

If our churches are going to be safe places to hear a dangerous message, then we need to learn to love people before we teach them.  They need to have a positive experience from the church parking lot to the nursery to the children’s rooms to the church lobby and into the worship center.  They need to have a positive experience inside the service, from the songs to the greeting time to the offering to the message.

But I’m seeing a disturbing trend today.  Too many churches are becoming in-grown.  They don’t seem to want guests to come so they don’t expect them to come, either.  The emphasis is on spiritual formation – which is fine – but to the neglect of reaching lost people for Jesus Christ.

So when people finally do show up – and it may have taken them months to work up the courage – we simply aren’t ready for them.  Nobody greets them.  Nobody talks to them.  Nobody even notices them.

So when the service is done, they slip away as fast as they can – all the while even more determined not to go to church anywhere.

After trying a church, they’re even more afraid of church.

Many years ago, I learned this adage: most people will give a church only one chance.  If a church treats their guests well, they may be able to reach them for Jesus.  If the church neglects their guests or makes them feel unsafe, they will probably never return, and may write off Jesus and His people in the process.

It takes courageous leadership to make a church a safe place.  There are churches that do this and do it well, and they don’t compromise their message in the process.  And the leaders do their best to involve everyone in the church in reaching people for Christ.

But they have learned to love people for Jesus before they teach them about Jesus.  And in so doing, they have earned the right to be heard.

How about your church?  Is it a safe place for hurting people – even those who have experienced trauma in their lives?

If not – in the words of Jean-Luc Picard – make it so.

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