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Archive for September, 2018

My wife and I have been searching for a church home in our area for months.  We’ve attended scores of churches but can’t find a fit.

We aren’t looking for perfection, but we are so uncomfortable sitting through most church services that we’re in despair that we’ll ever find another home church.

Kim and I visited still another church yesterday.

The congregation is a church plant that meets at an elementary school.

When Kim and I arrived at the school, I was shocked at how few cars were in the parking lot.  The Mother Church, about thirty minutes away, is a megachurch so I would have thought that the new church would have had a larger core group.

The church had the requisite banners, donuts, and coffee before the service.  The atmosphere was anything but festive.  When Kim and I entered the small auditorium, I was shocked again at how few people were present at the starting time of 10:30 am.  We sat in a back row.  Quickly looking at the makeup of the congregation, I whispered to Kim, “We don’t fit here.”

Kim later told me she wanted to leave multiple times.

The worship leader was a woman wearing weird glasses and although she had a good voice, hardly anybody was singing, even as the room gained more worshipers.  As she sang, she waved her hands in strange ways.  I felt very anxious.

The church celebrated its one-year anniversary a week or two ago, and in my view, they aren’t doing well.  The pastor talked about his three-year vision of hundreds of attendees and dozens of small groups (possibly reflecting the expectations of the Mother Church), but based on what happened yesterday, I don’t see that occurring.  At one point, I counted less than fifty people in the room.

The auditorium was mostly darkened with light on the stage coming from the back of the room.  The pastor told us that he’s thirty years old, and when he set up his podium to preach, it was tilted diagonally and positioned out of the light.  As he spoke, he pranced all over the stage … into the light, then out of the light, then into the light … throughout the whole service.  He spoke for a solid hour.

At one point, he walked down our aisle and stood near Kim, who was seated a few feet away.  We both squirmed in our seats.

This is the third church in a row we’ve attended where the speaker talks as fast as possible.  The first two churches ended up being charismatic churches (the pastor at the second church sang in tongues for a few minutes before his sermon).  I don’t think the church we attended today is charismatic, but I can’t be sure.   The websites of most churches don’t identify their worship style or their distinctive beliefs.

When we entered the auditorium, we were handed a folder of “sermon notes.”  While my folder had some notes inside, Kim’s was blank.  The outside of the folder contained one word: MESSY.

And that pretty much described the sermon.  It was a mess.  While the pastor read some notes that he had included in the folder, I couldn’t discern any structure … or many coherent thoughts.

But that wasn’t the main problem.

The pastor spoke in a stream-of-consciousness style … as fast as he could.  So fast that he could not, in my view, think about the next thing he was going to say.  This resulted in his repeating himself over and over again:

“If you’ve been through a divorce … if you’ve been separated recently … if you have financial problems …” And a few minutes later, he’d utter the same lines.

About 2/3 of the way through his sermon, the pastor told us that when his child was born last December, his wife contracted postpartum depression, and he said he’s been having a hard time handling their child’s teething episodes as well.

And I thought to myself, “Today’s sermon is titled ‘Messy?’  I don’t like saying this, but you’re a mess.”

He began talking faster and faster and louder and louder.  I thought he was going to self-destruct in front of us.  When he ended his sermon, he ranted loudly during his prayer.  At one point, I softly cried, “God, make it stop.  Make it stop.”

The pastor offered two responses after his sermon, and evidently some people raised their hands for salvation and some kind of dedication, although I could not follow his train of thought.

When the sermon mercifully ended, Kim and I practically ran out of the auditorium, and on the way to the car I told her, “He’s sick.  That man is not well.  He’s ready to have a breakdown.”

I don’t think I’ve ever said that about a pastor after a sermon before.

I went to the church website to see if they offer any recordings of the pastor’s sermons, but they don’t.

A well-known pastor in nearby Chino Hills committed suicide recently.  He was only thirty years old and left behind a wife and two children.  Even though he received months – if not years – of psychological care, he killed himself anyway … inside the church building.  I’ve been thinking about that situation for weeks.

So maybe I’m reading that tragedy into yesterday’s service … I don’t know.  While I’m not a mental health expert, I’m very concerned about this pastor, and fear that he’s headed for a breakdown, if he wasn’t having one during yesterday’s service.

I was so upset by the service – especially the sermon – that I wanted to break into tears on our short drive home.

I’d like to ask my readers two questions:

What, if anything, should I do about this situation? 

Let it go?  Talk to someone at the Mother Church?  Just pray about it?  We’re certainly not returning.

Is it trendy for pastors to speak at a lightning speed?  If so, why? 

It makes my wife and me highly anxious.

Thanks so much for any counsel you can offer me.

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I once met the president of the San Francisco Giants while walking to my church.

Nearly twenty years ago, my wife and daughter and I moved from Glendale, Arizona to a city near Oakland, California.  I had been asked by a pastor friend to be his associate pastor with the idea that when he retired, I would become the senior/lead pastor.

The day we arrived in town, a vice president for Safeway, who attended the church, dropped dead of a heart attack.

The executive’s memorial service was scheduled in the early afternoon after Sunday services, and as I walked from home toward the church, I found myself walking parallel to Peter Magowan, the president and managing general partner of my favorite baseball team, the San Francisco Giants, who was walking into the church.  (The following year, he would be named Sports Executive of the Year.)  Magowan was also the former CEO of Safeway and the current chairman of their board and had worked with the vice president.  At the time, Magowan’s group was putting the finishing touches on Pac Bell Park, the Giants’ new stadium, now termed At&T Park.

I greeted him by saying, “Hello, Mr. Magowan.”  I then told him that I had been at Candlestick Park the day before to watch the Giants play the Dodgers.  The Dodgers rallied in the ninth inning to beat the Giants, and I told Magowan that it was a tough loss.  He replied, “Tell me about it.  I didn’t sleep at all last night.”

Over the years, I’ve had the privilege … as just an average fan … of meeting many well-known people connected to baseball, mostly by asking for their autograph.  Intellectually, I know that baseball players are just ordinary individuals, but since I started collecting baseball cards in 1960 (at the age of six), I have admired baseball players, and secured the signatures of many players I first encountered on cards … and there is something magical about that experience.

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I began collecting autographs at the Grand Hotel in Anaheim, California in 1967, when I was thirteen years old.  The visiting American League teams all stayed at the Grand … except for the Kansas City A’s, who stayed at the Jolly Roger Inn.  From 1967 through 1972, I usually went to the hotel at least once per series.

The Grand could be a tough place to get autographs because the bellhops didn’t want any collectors inside the lobby.  Most of the time, we’d have to wait outside for the players to emerge as they took a taxi or the bus to what was then called Anaheim Stadium.

Around 1971, I began going to hotels in Los Angeles with friends to get the autographs of National League Teams.  Most stayed at the famous Biltmore Hotel in Pershing Square (my parents both attended The Bible Institute of Los Angeles across the square from the Biltmore in the early 1950s), while the Atlanta Braves stayed at the Sheraton West near MacArthur Park and the Giants stayed at the Ambassador Hotel (where Robert Kennedy was shot).  On several occasions, after getting autographs at the Biltmore, my friend Steve and I would walk uphill to Dodger Stadium for that night’s game.

When I became a pastor, I always hoped that a current or former major league baseball player would attend my church, but in my last church, I did have the privilege of having Irv Eatman, former 11-year NFL veteran and an offensive line coach for the Oakland Raiders, in my church.  He was the only person who wore a suit every Sunday!

I have hundreds of stories about getting the autographs of baseball players, whether at hotels, the ballparks, spring training, a golf tournament, or a card show.  But most of the time, I’d hand the player some cards, he’d sign them, he’d hand them back, I’d say, “Thank you,” and that would be it.  Sometimes, I was too intimidated to say anything to the player at all.

But as the following stories indicate, on occasion, I’d have a more extended conversation with a current or former player, such as:

Steve Garvey, San Diego, 1972.

The Dodgers used to stay at the Town & Country Inn in San Diego.  It’s a sprawling complex (my wife and I stayed there for an anniversary several years ago).  The Dodgers stayed at the back of the complex in a large tower.  They would come down an elevator and either walk through the complex to get a taxi at the front or wait for the bus in the back parking lot.

One Saturday, my friends Steve and Terri accompanied me to the hotel, and early in the afternoon, we got the autograph of Steve Garvey, who was at the time a third baseman who couldn’t throw.  Garvey and his wife Cyndy were sitting by the pool, and after we got his autograph, they began talking with us … for about twenty minutes.  They were both so nice that we couldn’t believe it.  (By contrast that day, Dodger pitcher Al Downing yelled at us when we asked him for his autograph … and he was known as Gentleman Al.)

Garvey became the National League Most Valuable Player two years later, in 1974, and I watched him hit two home runs against the Pirates in the final League Championship Game at Dodger Stadium that same year.  Garvey was a fan favorite in Los Angeles, and often came through in the clutch, especially in All-Star games, playoff games, and the World Series.

Garvey worked hard at pleasing his fans and was always a great signer.

Many years later, I saw Garvey before an exhibition game at UC Berkeley, and I told him that I thought he should be in the Hall of Fame.  He smiled and said, “Thanks.”

Cyndy went on to become a TV hostess and actress.

Six years later, I took this photo at the same hotel:

Davey Lopes, San Diego, 1978.

I once had the pennant hopes for the Los Angeles Dodgers in the front seat of my car.

In 1978, the All-Star Game was held in San Diego, and my friends Steve and John went with me to the Sheraton Harbor Hotel to get autographs the day before the game.  (It was quite a day.  George Brett was actually nice … I told Willie Stargell a story … and I had my only encounter with Howard Cosell.)

Players from both leagues would emerge from the hotel and take taxis over to the ballpark, but when Davey Lopes – second baseman for the Dodgers – came out, all the cabs were gone.  Thinking quickly, I told Lopes, “I’ll take you to the ballpark,” and after sizing up me and my friends, he said, “Okay, let’s go.”

During the fifteen minutes it took to get to the ballpark, the three of us talked to Lopes about the Dodgers’ pennant chances.  Lopes initially asked if there was anything we wanted him to sign, and he was very gracious.  Since he was leading off for the National League the next day, I told him what kind of pitches Frank Tanana, the starting pitcher for the American League, threw.  (It didn’t help.  Tanana got Lopes out.)

The whole time I was driving Lopes to the ballpark, I kept thinking to myself, “Drive perfectly.  You have the Dodgers’ leadoff hitter in your passenger seat.”

When we got to the ballpark, there were thousands of cars already there for the Monday festivities, but because Lopes was a player, we were escorted right to the front, where I dropped him off.

The Dodgers went on to win the National League pennant in 1978, only to be defeated the second year in a row by the dreaded New York Yankees in the World Series.  Lopes hit three home runs and knocked in seven runs in that Series.  I attended the last game at Dodger Stadium – Goose Gossage got the save – but I got to see the little second baseman who had been in my car hit a home run.

Pete Falcone, San Francisco, 1984.

Pete Falcone was a left-handed pitcher for the San Francisco Giants, St. Louis Cardinals, New York Mets, and the Atlanta Braves in the late 1970s and early 1980s.

At the time, I pastored a church in Santa Clara, California … in the heart of Silicon Valley.  Fridays were my day off, and that usually meant driving north to Daly City and taking BART to downtown San Francisco so I could get autographs of the visiting teams who stayed at the Westin St. Francis Hotel across from Union Square.

On this particular day, a fellow collector named Bob met me in the lobby of the St. Francis (it was a GREAT place to get autographs because nobody from the hotel ever bugged us) and we got Falcone’s autograph.  We started talking, Falcone found out I was a pastor, and he told me he was a Christian who attended a small church of thirty people in the Atlanta area.

The next thing we knew, Falcone invited both Bob and I to lunch at the restaurant in the back of the hotel.

I should have gone home and recorded as much of the conversation as I could remember, but I didn’t.  But Falcone treated us both very well … like men … and it was really cool.  At one point, we both lamented the passing of Keith Green, a Christian music artist who had died several years before in a plane crash.

After lunch, Falcone left us tickets for that night’s game.  After at least a 90-minute ride home, I loaded my brother-in-law Kevin and my four-year-old son Ryan in my 1963 Chevy Nova and headed up the 101 Freeway toward Candlestick Park.  Caught in bumper-to-bumper traffic in the fast lane, the three cars in front of me collided, and to avoid them, I quickly swerved my car to the left … and hit a chain link fence that served as a barrier.  When my head thrust forward, I chipped my two front teeth on the steering wheel.  (Those who were in the collision were all bloodied and walking around in a daze.)

I was in too much pain to proceed to the ballpark, so I turned around … found a dentist the next morning who capped my teeth temporarily … and called Falcone at the hotel and told him why I didn’t show up.

When the Braves next came to town, I said hi to him on the field.  That was the last time I ever saw him … but I’ve never forgotten his kindness.

Luke Appling and Minnie Minoso, Oakland, 1987/1988.

In the late 1980s, the Equitable Group sponsored a series of Old Timers games all over Major League Baseball.  I always looked forward to those games because it meant that former players would show up … and since some of them didn’t answer their mail, the only way to get their autographs was in person.

For example, Jack Smalling, who has compiled a list of current and former players’ addresses for years, once listed the top ten players he couldn’t find.  One of them was Jim Ray Hart, former third baseman for the San Francisco Giants.  Hart turned up before an Old Timers game at the Hyatt Hotel in Oakland, and he signed … and smeared … every card I gave him.  (He didn’t mean to smear the cards.  He probably hadn’t signed anything in so long that he didn’t know autograph protocol.)

Anyway, one Saturday afternoon, my son Ryan and I drove up to the Hyatt Hotel in Oakland to try and get the autographs of the Old Timers who were staying there.  (Fifteen years later, I would be the pastor of a church five minutes away from the site of that hotel … after it had been bulldozed down.)

That night, while waiting in the small lobby of the Hyatt, former White Sox greats Luke Appling and Minnie Minoso came into the lobby and sat down.  There were a few collectors there, and both men signed everything they were handed.  And then they started conversing with us … just like we were regular people.

Luke Appling, a shortstop with the Chicago White Sox his whole career, was elected to the Hall of Fame in 1964.  (I knew a pastor’s wife who babysat for Appling’s family when she was a teenager.)  Minnie Minoso was one of my father’s favorite players.

Minnie Minoso Signed Cards 2 001

Once again, I wish I had gone home and written down what these two men said, but the message I received from them was, “I like baseball fans, and you guys are fans, so let’s talk baseball.”  Few current or former players convey that attitude anymore.

Let me tell you about the camaraderie I once enjoyed with other collectors.  That night, I left the hotel without getting the autograph of Joe Black, a pitcher for the Dodgers from the early 1950s.  I asked a collector if he would get Black’s autograph for me if he saw him, and he said he would.  The next time I saw that collector, he gave me all six cards back … signed.

Alvin Dark, Garden Grove, California, 1980.

Alvin Dark was the shortstop for the famed 1951 New York Giants who beat the Dodgers in a three-game playoff under manager Leo Durocher, who named him team captain.  He was also the Giants’ shortstop when they swept the Indians in the 1954 World Series.

After his solid playing career was over, Dark became the manager of the San Francisco Giants in the early 1960s, managing Hall of Famers Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Orlando Cepeda, and Juan Marichal, among many others.

He also went on to manage the World Champion Oakland A’s in 1974 and the San Diego Padres a few years later.

Dark, who was a Christian, had just written a book called, When in Doubt, Fire the Manager.  The head of our church’s men’s group asked Dark … who was living about an hour south of our city near San Diego … to speak for our men’s group.

Fortunately, the head of the men’s group knew I was a huge baseball fan, and he arranged for me to sit by Dark for the evening.

Dark’s Oakland A’s beat my Los Angeles Dodgers in the World Series in 1974, and I remembered watching player after player hit weak ground balls to Bert Campaneris (the A’s shortstop) or Sal Bando (their third baseman).  I asked Dark about it.

He told me, “I told our pitchers to throw the ball on the outside corner.  If a pitch was called a strike, I’d tell them to throw it another inch outside.”  Time after time, I watched as the Dodgers’ right-handed batters tried to pull those outside pitches and grounded out easily.  It was all part of a strategy!

Even though it was still painful to watch, we watched highlights of the 1974 World Series and received expert commentary from the A’s manager, who signed all the items I had … including his book … after the banquet.

That was a long time ago!

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As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, I lived near Oakland, California during my last church ministry … and used to see the current manager of the Oakland A’s all the time.

Back in 2000, the A’s and Yankees were playing a best-of-five series in the American League Divisional Series for the right to go to the World Series.  The Yankees won Game 5 in Oakland and it was heartbreaking.

The Saturday after Game 5, my wife and I were working in our garage when I saw A’s manager Art Howe walking his two dogs across the street.  I had been told that he lived in the apartment complex across from us, and there he was.  My wife told me, “He looks so sad.”  I said, “He thought he was going to manage the A’s tonight in the World Series.  Instead, they’re at home and the Yankees are in the Series … again.”

After that, I saw Art Howe from time-to-time in our community.  I once passed an ice cream parlor and he was sitting next to the window.  One time, I was backing out of a parking place, turned around, and Howe was waiting to take my place.  He smiled and waved at me.

If you’re read the book Moneyball or seen the movie, Howe was the manager during that period in A’s history.

When I first started collecting autographs, it was like torture for me to overcome my introversion and ask a player to sign something.  Over time, I learned to become more extroverted while approaching players because that was the only way I was ever going to get anything signed.  I have always tended to defer to people who have a greater social status than I do, so I’m grateful for those few times that someone connected to baseball treated me like a human being.

I’ll share some other stories soon.

 

 

 

 

 

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One of the charms of being a pastor is that you are free to put together your own schedule.

You can exercise before going to the office … or afterwards.

You can eat lunch at your desk … at a local cafe … or at home.

You can return calls as they come in … or at the end of the day.

You can study at church … at home … in a restaurant … or in a library.

You don’t have to do things the way your predecessor did … or even the way you’ve done things in the past.

And you don’t have to adapt to everyone else … they usually have to adapt to you.

But with great freedom comes great responsibility.

I believe that when pastors resist being accountable to their boards and congregation, they will eventually be forced to be accountable … and pastors don’t like being forced to do anything.

But when a pastor offers to be accountable without coercion, it strengthens the bonds of trust between himself and his leaders/congregation.

Here are four ways a pastor can be more accountable to his leaders and congregation:

First, the pastor needs to build in times for feedback in his preaching ministry.

I enjoyed preaching immensely, but because I’m a teacher at heart, I wish I could have had more interaction with the congregation on Sunday mornings.

In other words, I wish preaching could be more of a lively dialogue than just a predictable monologue.

I once gave a sermon on the new atheists, and several times during the message, I quoted from Sam Harris or Richard Dawkins and asked people, “How would you answer the arguments of these men?”  I asked people to form groups of two or three to discuss their replies.  Then I invited anyone who wanted to come to the front (where we had placed microphones in the aisles) so they could share their responses … and someone who came to the church as an atheist became a theist that day!

I also wanted to take time after the message for people to ask me questions using their cell phones, but I couldn’t work out the logistics with our tech guy.  Wouldn’t it be great for the pastor to cut his message ten minutes short on occasion and spend that time answering three or four questions instead?

Around once a year, I’d say to the congregation, “Next week will be the last Sunday in our current series.  If you have any questions you’d like me to answer about the issues I’ve been presenting, please write down your question on your response card and I will answer as many as I can next Sunday.”  And that would be the message: answering people’s questions.  I loved those Sundays!

As we closed a series on marriage, someone wrote on their card, “Did you and your wife have sex before marriage?”  I did answer that question … honestly.  It was the first time anyone had ever asked me that question!

Since leaving my last ministry in 2009, my wife and I have probably visited close to 100 churches.  Not once has any pastor invited feedback after his message.  If you want to stand out, try it!

Second, the pastor needs to give the official board a written update of his ministry.

I believe it’s better for a pastor to account for his ministry voluntarily than to have the board/elders make him accountable.

Imagine a pastor who attends the regular board meeting every month but doesn’t tell the board anything about his accomplishments or his plans.

That might work for a meeting or two, but after a while, some board members are going to start questioning the pastor more and more.

It’s better for the pastor to have a place on the agenda where he reports on his ministry every month.  I always preferred to give a written report of one to two pages because it forced me to think through my ministry in concrete terms … and gave the board members something they could take home with them.

I divided my report into four sections:

LEAD THE LEADERS

I’d let the board know about leadership community meetings (composed of all the key leaders in the church, including staff members and board members); mission trips; baptisms; ministry fairs … anything we were doing that involved leadership.

TEACH THE TRUTH

I’d let the board know about my preaching plans … any special classes I’d be teaching … or any special seminars we’d be offering to the church/community.

SUPERVISE THE STAFF

I’d give a brief rundown of each staff member that was directly accountable to me, both personally and professionally.  If I was having problems with someone, I’d ask the board for their input.

PASTOR THE PEOPLE

I’d tell the board about the people in the church who were hospitalized … having surgery … having babies … needing jobs … and who had lost loved ones.

This monthly report let the board know that I knew what was going on at the church … let them be informed as well … and helped us be able to pray for people and coordinate assistance as needed.

If I had to do it all over again, I’d use the same template and hand in a report … even if the board members didn’t want it.  My monthly board report was the single best thing I did to demonstrate accountability … and if anybody asked a board member, “What does Jim do around here, anyway?” they had a current answer.

Third, the pastor needs to give staff members opportunities to consult with him.

Every Tuesday in my last ministry, we had a staff meeting from 1:00 to 3:00 pm.  We ate lunch together … shared what God was teaching us in our quiet times … had a training time … reviewed the church calendar together … and ended our time by praying at various places in the worship center.

I let the staff know that if anyone needed to speak with me, I would set aside time after the meeting to meet with them.

And if I had a concern about someone’s ministry, I’d arrange to meet with them after the staff meeting as well.

There were a few times when a staff member would criticize me to someone else in the church … or resist my leadership … and I’d say to them, “You know I’m always available for you on Tuesdays.  Why didn’t you come to me?”

Staff members rarely came to me and criticized me, although that did happen a few times.  But I wanted them to know that I cared enough about their ministries to be available for them.

Yes, the staff was accountable to me as lead pastor, but I viewed us as team members, and I wanted to keep communication flowing freely.

Finally, the pastor needs to stand before the congregation and answer questions at least twice annually.

When I was a young pastor, I dreaded public meetings of the congregation because there was always a disgruntled person who tried to hijack the meetings.

For that reason, many pastors either eliminated them from the church calendar or held them at a time when they would be poorly attended (like on a Saturday night).

I felt exactly the opposite.  I looked at congregational meetings as a time for people to own their church.

In fact, I wanted as many people as possible at those meetings.

I suppose if you’re in a church that isn’t doing very much, you might not want to hold a public meeting.  But if you’re in a church that has great plans for the future, you want to have time to explain what you’re doing and why.

So we’d hold our meetings on Sundays after the second service … put together a lunch … offer child care … and make presentations that showed where the church was going in the future.

And I’d usually have time to take the microphone and answer any questions people had about the ministry … and I loved those times.

If someone was unhappy about something, that was their time to speak up … right to my face.  But in a public setting, most people end up pulling their punches, and sometimes didn’t come off as coherent.

And if I couldn’t answer their question properly in a public meeting, I’d offer to meet with them privately … or have them meet with a leader who could help them.

Jesus stood before large crowds … some composed of hostile leaders … and answered all kinds of questions.  Shouldn’t his servants today do the same?

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The four ways I’ve described above work well for a normal pastor in a normal church setting … but because they have flexible schedules, pastors can sometimes do things for which there is no accountability.

I’ve shared several times that I know of a pastor who was having an affair with a woman in his church for twenty years.  Nobody seemed to know what was going on … or if they did, they didn’t want to say anything.

What could the church board have done to make that pastor more accountable?

I don’t know if there is anything that can be done.  Should a pastor be under constant surveillance?  Should he have to call into the church every few minutes?  Should he wear a chip – like a dog – that specifies his whereabouts at all times?  Should various board members follow him without his knowledge in their cars?

I’m sure some have studied this issue and have some answers.  The only thing I can think of is for board members to ask a pastor some surprise questions periodically about his personal life … and try and determine if they need to delve into his life further.

What are your ideas about keeping pastors accountable?

 

 

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