Every day in our culture, we hear about people who try and resolve their conflicts by using power:
*They stand in front of microphones and condemn their opponents.
*They threaten to boycott a product or a company.
*They pass resolutions criticizing a leader they don’t like.
*They even pick up guns and join an army.
These tactics have been used and abused for hundreds of years … but they’re increasingly creeping into Christian churches.
Examples:
*A faction threatens to leave their church unless the pastor does its bidding.
*A woman demands that a staff member apologize to her for a remark he made.
*A pastor emphatically states that he’ll resign unless the church board agrees with him on an issue.
*A member promises to withhold her giving as long as the youth pastor is still employed by the church.
In my view, many churchgoers … especially leaders … go to power way too soon in a conflict.
What should they do instead?
Try love.
Whenever there’s a conflict, go to love first … and only use power last.
When Jesus came to earth the first time, He came in love … as a baby.
He became human. He gave up “the independent exercise of His divine attributes.” He listened to people and hurt with them and restored them.
Yes, He became ticked at the Pharisees, but He didn’t destroy them. Instead, He tried to shake them out of their complacency by telling them the truth.
He didn’t force people to receive Him as Messiah. He gave them evidence and let them choose.
Even though Jesus had access to power on earth, He never used any power on Himself, but only to help others.
Even while being mocked on the cross, Jesus chose not to use power to retaliate against His enemies.
When Jesus came the first time, He came in love.
But when He comes the second time, He will come in power.
He will ride a white horse … brandish a sword … wear many crowns … make war against God’s enemies … and reveal Himself as King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
He will impose His will upon the people of this planet and force them to say and do things they don’t want to do: “every knee will bow, every tongue confess, that Jesus Christ is Lord.”
Personally, I can’t wait for that day … but it ‘s not here yet.
I believe the pattern of Jesus’ two comings provides today’s Christians with an outstanding example.
When you’re engaged in a conflict with a leader or a group or your pastor … use love first … and power last.
Most church conflicts are resolvable when both sides use love … demonstrated by listening, understanding, kindness, compassion, and choice.
But some people become anxious … just wanting the conflict to end … and so they take a shortcut and resort to power … demonstrated by monologues, manipulation, rudeness, heartlessness, and imposition.
And when they do, they make that conflict far more resistant to resolution.
Example 1: a pastor wants the worship director to stop using a certain female vocalist because she’s living immorally.
If the pastor uses love, he’ll ask the worship director kindly but firmly to remove her until her life turns around. This will keep the conflict at a low level.
But if the pastor uses power, he might threaten to fire the worship director unless he removes her immediately. This will cause the worship director to respond in kind and matters may quickly escalate.
Example 2: the church board wants the pastor to give them a written report of his activities at their monthly meeting.
If the board uses love, they’ll ask the pastor for the report and explain why they’d like to have it.
If the board uses power, they’ll demand that he issue that report or they’ll all resign.
Suddenly, a low-level conflict may spiral out of control.
There are times when those in leadership positions – especially pastors and church boards – need to use their God-given authority to make decisions.
But some Christian leaders tend to bypass the love route altogether and go straight to power … and when they do, they escalate matters exponentially.
I once did a word study on the words “threat” and “threaten” in the Bible. I couldn’t find a single instance where those words were used in a positive context.
God doesn’t want His people characterized by the power tactics of our world. He wants us to be characterized by love in all its forms.
Did Jesus say, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you impose your will on people and threaten them?”
No, He said, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).
Let us be known by our love … even in the midst of conflict … and only use power if God has given us that right through Scripture and if His Spirit is leading us to use it.
Are you currently involved in a conflict situation at your church?
Use love first … and only go to power when it’s clear that love can’t work.
If all Christians did that, we’d resolve most conflicts … and the world would pay more attention to the gospel.
The Termination of a Great Pastor
Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged forced termination of pastor, Jonathan Edwards termination, pastoral termination on June 26, 2014| 4 Comments »
Pastor Jon was in trouble.
He had graduated from Yale as a young man, becoming valedictorian of his class, and later became a faculty member there. But he sensed that God wanted him to become a pastor rather than a professor.
So Jon was called to pastor the church that his grandfather had led for 57 years … a prestigious church of 600 members.
Several years later, Jon’s ministry gained great fame when 300 people were converted within 6 months. He later preached one of the most influential sermons of all time.
But although Jon was held in high esteem outside his church, his influence gradually began to wane among his own congregation.
For starters, Jon was paid by the local town council, and some people objected to the fine clothes and jewelry that his wife wore.
Since the townspeople paid his salary, they felt they had a right to know how Jon and his wife Sarah spent their money, so they requested an itemized family budget.
Sarah began having nightmares about “being driven from my home into the cold and snow” and “being chased from the town with the utmost contempt and malice.” She imagined that her enemies surrounded and tormented her, worrying “if our house and all our property in it should be burnt up.”
In addition, Jon had noticed that many of his converts seemed to be more emotional than devout about their Christian faith, so he began to stiffen the requirements for church membership.
He also insisted upon “closed communion,” believing that only believers who had given evidence of conversion should take it, eventually resulting in the suspension of the Lord’s Supper for many years.
Jon also believed that a church should be a theocracy (ruled by God through the minister) rather than a democracy (ruled by congregational decision-making).
While Jon could sense that some were rebelling against him, he was often locked away in his study. But his wife could feel what he couldn’t see.
He wrote a book to explain his views … but hardly anyone read it. People began to spread hearsay testimony against him, claiming that he wanted to “judge souls.”
After 23 years as pastor, Jon was finally voted out of office by a 10-9 vote. His ministerial career was over.
Because Pastor Jon was dismissed over a matter of conscience, the church had a hard time attracting pastoral candidates. Because Jon couldn’t sell his house, he stayed in town, and even did some guest preaching for the church that fired him.
Finally, Jon was asked to be a missionary and moved across the state. During that time, he wrote books … mainly on theology … works for which he is still known today.
Jon was asked to become the president of Princeton, and died a few months later at the age of 54. Sarah died 6 months afterwards.
If you haven’t guessed already, Pastor Jon was one of the greatest philosophers, theologians, and preachers that America has ever produced: Jonathan Edwards.
He pastored a church in Northampton, Massachusetts, from 1727 to 1750 … and found himself right in the middle of the First and Second Great Awakenings.
Edwards’ case shows that given the right conditions, every pastor is susceptible to forced termination.
There is a general consensus among Christians that when a pastor is forced to resign, he must have done something to cause his dismissal.
But I know many pastors who have sterling character … are wonderful preachers … and caring pastors … who have been pushed out of a church.
In fact, the latest statistics say that 28% of all pastors have gone through at least one forced termination … and I know good men who have been through this experience two or three times.
Yes, a small percentage of pastors probably shouldn’t be in church ministry. And yes, there are some highly dysfunctional churches out there, most of them ruled by a single individual or family.
But many … if not most … pastoral terminations occur because of a “perfect storm.”
I once knew a pastor who had great success in two churches. When he was called to the third church, things did not go well, and he quickly latched onto another position. Was that last situation all his fault – or was it simply a combination of circumstances?
In my own case – which I’ve recorded in my book Church Coup – my departure occurred because of a variety of factors, including a national recession (which impacted giving), inexperienced and over-reactive leaders, an undermining predecessor, exaggerated charges, and my own exhaustion, which caused me to be reactive rather than proactive in handling conflict.
In the case of Jonathan Edwards, here was an authoritarian pastor, a town increasingly receptive to democratic ideals, three wealthy individuals who opposed Edwards, the unfortunate death of his best ally, and the long shadow of Edward’s grandfather Samuel Stoddard, who was still venerated by the people of Northampton … and some of whose practices Edwards tried in vain to change.
But that’s not the whole story.
According to William J. Petersen’s book 25 Surprising Marriages, the union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards produced the following descendants: “13 college presidents, 65 professors, 100 lawyers, 30 judges, 66 physicians, and 8 holders of public office, including 3 senators, 3 governors, and a vice president of the United States.”
There’s an old saying that states that history is written by the conquerors. So I suppose that whenever a pastor undergoes forced termination, those who pushed him out think that their story is the final account.
But as the life of Jonathan Edwards demonstrates, even the greatest of men can be rejected by their contemporaries.
Just like Jesus.
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