Several years ago, I had breakfast with the president of a seminary in Africa.
He told me that pastoral transitions are handled poorly almost everywhere … and much of the time, major conflict breaks out as a result.
Although I’m still a learner, let me share three brief guidelines for pastoral resignations:
First, make the announcement sooner rather than later.
There are at least two schools of thought on this point. When a pastor definitely knows that he’s going to resign:
*Let the information leak out slowly.
*Make a public announcement and get it out in the open.
In most cases, I favor the latter approach.
If a pastor tells a few people in confidence that he’s leaving, one of them will invariably tell others … including their spouse … but few will share the pastor’s reasoning accurately.
The more people who know, the more they’ll speculate as to why he’s really leaving … and the pastor can easily lose control of the situation.
My first ministry as a youth pastor went well, but I was only part-time, and the church wanted to hire a full-time associate pastor … and I was too young for that position.
When I knew that I wasn’t going to be staying, I stood in front of the church, announced my resignation … effective a few months later … and ended all speculation that I would be the new associate.
This allowed me take control of the situation. I announced my reasons for leaving publicly, and gave people plenty of time to adjust to my departure.
It’s hard to keep secrets in churches. Better to just get it all out in the open than to play games.
Second, leave a gap between the last pastor and the next one.
I know a church where a staff member left one Sunday, and his replacement started the next Sunday.
That’s as disconcerting as having your mother die, and a week later, your father remarries.
People need time to grieve the departure of a pastor or staffer, especially someone who has meant a lot to them or been in the church for a long time.
And if people don’t have the time to grieve, guess who receives the brunt of their criticism?
That’s right … the new guy.
In the case of a staff member, it’s better to plug the gap with volunteers from inside the church … other staff members … board members … and even people hired from outside the church.
In the case of a senior pastor, it’s better to bring in special speakers until an interim arrives.
After a little while, people will start asking, “When’s the new guy coming?”
That’s far better than hearing them say, “This new staffer doesn’t compare to our beloved __________.”
Finally, leave the church completely.
Just yesterday, a former church leader told me what happened at his church.
The pastor of his church was retiring, so he resigned … and stayed in the church.
The result?
The church split.
Why would that happen?
I know why.
After I resigned from my first staff position, another position opened up … church custodian. (The theological term is ecclesiastical engineer.)
I planned on getting married … needed a full-time job … and was hired to clean the church.
The church went on to hire an associate pastor, and we got along well.
But people began approaching me to complain about the youth program … and about the associate pastor.
I listened … but shouldn’t have. Sometimes I commiserated … but should have kept my mouth shut.
The associate worked for the senior pastor … not for me.
But because I was a former staff member … and many people knew me … my opinion carried weight.
And I’m sure my opinions were shared with others.
Without thinking, I was undermining the associate pastor just by my presence on the church campus.
Pastors and staff members: please … when you resign … LEAVE THE CHURCH.
Only return if you’re invited.
It doesn’t matter how many of your friends or family members attend that church.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve served.
It doesn’t matter if your kids were dedicated and baptized there.
It doesn’t matter how cordial and kind you are.
Your presence will undermine your successor and confuse God’s people … so after your last day, pack up your things and go … please.
My second staff position was in a church that had existed for nearly a century.
In the back of the church, little plaques listed the name of each pastor, along with the years he served.
Back then, those names and dates meant nothing to me.
But today, I’d look at those names and ask:
I wonder how well each transition was handled?
If a quarterback fumbles a handoff, the other team may end up with the ball.
My prayer is that God’s servants will hand the ball off so wisely that the devil and his teammates never touch that ball.
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
Traumatized by Friendly Fire
Posted in Burnout and Depression in Ministry, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Healing After Leaving a Church, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged Church Coup by Jim Meyer, PTSD among pastors, trauma and pastoral termination on April 28, 2014| 4 Comments »
My wife and I recently watched a television show where a soldier who had seen combat overseas was experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder back home.
The soldier kept reliving an attack upon an enemy compound, leading him to believe, for example, that a routine thunderstorm outside his house was really caused by enemy fire.
I’ve seen these kinds of shows before, but what struck me during this episode was the real source of the soldier’s pain.
After reenacting events, it came out that the soldier was torn up inside because he saw his commanding officer accidentally kill a fellow soldier … and nothing in his training had prepared him for that moment.
He couldn’t comprehend how a leader on his side could take the life of a colleague.
Only when the truth came out was the soldier finally able to start the healing process …. and sleep through the night.
In churches all across our land, pastors and their family members are suffering emotional and spiritual trauma, even to the point where some have been diagnosed with PTSD.
For example, I recently read an article about a pastor’s son in his early teens. Because this young man couldn’t handle the attacks upon his father any more, he contemplated suicide by standing above a river … and nearly jumping in.
What causes such trauma for pastors and their family members?
It’s not criticism. Pastors get used to that.
It’s not having people disagree with you. Pastors automatically factor that into their ministries.
It’s not watching people leave the church. Pastors know that they need “blessed subtractions” from time-to-time.
No, what causes trauma is when professing Christians – especially Christian leaders – relentlessly assassinate their pastor’s character, seeking to destroy him at all costs … and the congregation lets it happen.
Why is that traumatizing?
Because pastors teach their congregations to love one another … to work out their differences … to treat each other with dignity and respect … and to realize that we’re all made in God’s image.
But when the pastor is treated like he’s a criminal … or evil … or demonic … there is nothing in his theology or his experience he can draw upon to make sense of things.
Pastors cannot fathom how Christians – including church leaders – can act like non-Christians inside God’s holy church.
When I wrote my book Church Coup, I removed the following quotations because of space, but I thought I’d share them with you now:
__________
Dr. Shelley Rambo is professor of theology at Boston University. In her recent book, Spirit and Trauma: A Theology of Remaining, Dr. Rambo challenges Christian leaders to think about trauma survivors in a theological way. Citing Dr. Rambo’s work, columnist Anthony Bradley explains:
A traumatic event is not like a death of a loved one or being rejected by a friend. Instead, it involves activities that were life-threatening, either physically or in one’s perception, creating a sense of unrecognizable fear, utter helplessness, or horror. Rambo points out that trauma is a wound that ‘remains long after a precipitating event or events are over,’ and it ‘exceeds categories of comprehension’ related to an event. Trauma is an encounter with death that exceeds the human capacity to take in and process the external world. In fact, because of trauma, what one knows about the world is shattered. What is true and safe are ruptured . . . . Life is not the same anymore. The trauma interprets life for the sufferer.[1]
__________
Did you catch that? “What one knows about the world is shattered … the trauma interprets life for the sufferer.”
I know pastors who were forced out of their churches who experience similar trauma nearly every day. They ask me, “When will my suffering end? When will I be whole enough to serve God again?”
__________
Bradley continues:
Surviving post-trauma is a life of navigating one’s way through a minefield of triggers that remind the sufferer of the traumatic event or events. Triggers can lead to random bouts of sobbing, irregular and disturbed sleep patterns, outbursts of anger, depression, anxiety, loss of hope, loss of interest in things once loved, thoughts of suicide, self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, as well as running away from thoughts, conversations, people, places that might arouse traumatic memory. Because trauma survivors re-experience the event in ways outside of one’s control, healing is not a matter of believing the right things about God. Or getting the gospel right. Time does not heal traumatic wounds. Traumatic memory is something only God can heal. The Holy Spirit must empower trauma sufferers to re-imagine their future . . . . Those limping around in life after experiencing trauma need people who love them enough to realize that they may never ‘get over it’ and that their on-going struggle does not represent weak faith.[2]
__________
In our case, my wife was diagnosed with PTSD by a counselor. My wife and I are familiar with the triggers:
*Christmas and Easter
*visiting a worship center laid out like our former church
*seeing a random comment on Facebook by a one-time opponent
*running across a photo showing the faces of people who betrayed you
*trying to explain for the umpteenth time why you are no longer in church ministry
*reading our situation into a TV show or movie plot
*noticing what David wrote about his enemies in the Psalms
Several months ago, I gave a copy of my book to a family, who passed it on to a family member who had once been a pastor, but was forced out of his church.
His response after reading the book? “I am glad to learn that I am not alone.”
It’s one of the most common responses I receive from pastors.
People sometimes ask me, “Are you healed now?”
My answer is always the same: I feel much better, but I will probably never fully get over what happened 52 months ago … and I know I am not alone.
Why not?
Because there is nothing so traumatic as knowing that fellow Christians are intentionally shooting to harm you.
May God forgive each one.
[1] Anthony Bradley, “When Trauma Doesn’t Heal,” World Magazine Online, 4 May 2011; available from http://onlineworldmag.com; Internet.
[2] Ibid.
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