Today’s guest blogger is Russ Jones. Russ and his wife A.J. visited our church in Santa Clara nearly 20 years ago and chose to stay. Russ eventually became chairman of the governing board and has always been there for me, in good times and bad. Russ and A.J. live in Wickenburg, Arizona. Russ and I meet for breakfast every month – even though he’s a Dodger fan – and his friendship and counsel continue to inspire me to this day. Here is Russ’ view of the connection a board member needs to have with a pastor:
Having served on several church boards and been the board chair at a couple of churches, I believe that the most important characteristic of a board person is loyalty. It is imperative that the board person consider the pastor as the leader of the board and the church and that he or she must accede to the dictates of the pastor.
Now, certainly, if the pastor is indulging in heresy or some type of deep sin, the board must act to replace that pastor. In lieu of that type of behavior, I believe that the pastor should be the real chairman of the board, that he is the professional while we who serve are the lay persons. We are there to serve him and therefore to serve God.
If the board is carefully selected and conforms to the qualifications as Paul dictated in 1 Timothy, I don’t believe that we would have the all-too-frequent problems between the board and the pastor.
I have seen a number of pastors thrown out of the church by a board for personal reasons. Not only is this devastating to the pastor, but inevitably the kingdom of God is affected as people will leave the church for their own personal reasons.
As a relatively young Christian, I was blessed to serve a godly man on his board. There was conflict in the church and the end result was that he was terminated. Now please understand that this pastor was a friend of mine, a hunting buddy, and a man who I had turned to for godly counsel.
As a result of his being forcefully terminated, I left the church. I remember so well that I told myself that I could pray and read the Word and didn’t need any fellowship to continue as God had ordered. How foolish and how wrong I was! For it wasn’t a week before I quit praying and reading my Bible.
I thank God that I have returned to Him and prayerfully serve Him to the best of my ability. Today, I use that story as my testimony to young people to tell them that we must continue to fellowship with other Christians and that they must find a church where they can feel comfortable and learn what God has so beautifully given to us through His Word.
It pains me deeply to see Christians – or at least those who purport to be Christians – act so contrary to God’s Word. They murmur, they gossip, and they display no loyalty to their church, their pastor, or their God.
If I may give a little advice to anyone sitting on a church board – or to anyone who might reasonably be given that blessing in the future – do not let any murmuring or criticism of the pastor go unchecked. The first time you hear someone make a derogatory comment about the pastor or criticize the church or the way it is being run, you must take that person and demand that he or she go with you to the pastor to air their differences. You might be surprised at how often that person will find a reason not to talk to the pastor about their criticism when challenged in such a manner. And again, how often that ends the problem with no further discussion of the matter.
In conclusion, if you don’t feel you can fully support your pastor, giving him 100% loyalty, do your church, yourself, your pastor, and God a favor and decline the offer to be placed on the board.
Identifying Pastors Who Are Control Freaks
Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment! on August 15, 2011| 4 Comments »
Have you ever had a teacher from hell that you just wanted to forget?
There was a teacher who taught Russian literature at my high school, and to be kind, she looked like death warmed over. Maybe that’s why she was so unpleasant, I don’t know.
The first day of class, she told us pupils to write our names in the top-right corner of every homework paper. Not on the top right line – like every other teacher expected – but in the top-right corner.
I followed tradition, not her novel approach – and was promptly marked down. I also received the only detention I ever got in school from her, although I can’t remember what I did wrong. (Call her a Commie?)
And I can’t remember learning anything about Chekhov or Tolstoy or Dostoyevsky, either.
It’s one thing for a public school teacher to impose her personal preferences on her students. It’s quite another matter for a pastor to do that.
What are some of the signs a pastor is a control freak?
First, control freaks use guilt. My wife and I recently visited a church where the music leader gave a talk before the offering. He told the people how much he loved the church but then chided them for not being as committed as he was, exclaiming, “Shame on you!” Translation: there’s something wrong with you if you’re not as committed as I am.
Then the pastor told us that he’s tired of reading how millions of people are leaving local churches, saying that it made him mad! Translation: if you ever leave this church, I’m going to get really ticked off at you.
While guilting works with a small segment of the Christian population, it rarely works with most people. When the Spirit of God convicts us – especially through God’s Word – we feel true guilt. But when someone is trying to push their personal preferences onto us, most of us see through it.
Leaders – including pastors – must appeal to higher instincts instead.
Second, control freaks use manipulation. I once saw a televangelist do some fundraising inside an auditorium. He told the congregation to stand up, so they all stood. He then said, “Listen to the man of God!” He told the men to take out their wallets and the women to open their purses – and to donate all their money when the offering plates came around. He punctuated his appeal by reiterating, “Listen to the man of God!” (I didn’t see him give anything.)
Thank God I was at home, because if I had been in that auditorium, I might have walked out.
I once ran across the difference between manipulation and motivation. When a leader manipulates people, he tries to get them to do what is in his best interests. When a leader motivates people, he tries to get them to do what is in their best interests.
So if a pastor encourages his congregation to donate money to the ministry to inflate his stats or so he can get a raise, he’s manipulating people. But if he encourages them to give to expand Christ’s kingdom or so they can grow spiritually, he’s motivating them.
Pastors need to monitor their emotions, language, and tone when they speak to make sure they’re engaged in motivation, not manipulation.
Third, control freaks are insensitive. They are so in tune with their own discomfort that they cannot sense when they are making others uncomfortable.
As a pastor, I ministered to various kinds of people. Some could barely walk or hear. Others felt rejected by almost everyone in the culture. Some had no job or money. Others kept doubting their salvation.
I tried to listen to each person who came to me with a struggle. I tried to understand how they were feeling and how I might be able to help them. Every caring shepherd does this.
But control freaks can’t be bothered. They don’t see people as individuals but as part of a congregation they need to whip into shape. Everyone needs to be going in the same direction at the same speed. If you can’t keep up, they’ll leave you behind.
Years ago, I saw the film Lawrence of Arabia starring Peter O’Toole. There’s a scene where Lawrence is riding all night with some warriors to attack the coastal city of Aqaba. When daylight comes, Lawrence notices that one of the horses lacks a rider. When Lawrence inquires about him, he’s told that the man fell off miles back and should be left to die.
But Lawrence can’t do that. He reverses field and rides back for hours until he finds the man immobilized on the hot ground. Lawrence places the man on his horse and rides back toward Aqaba. When he arrives with the man near dusk, Lawrence becomes the undisputed leader of the invading party.
He cared about every single person.
Control freaks don’t mind losing people along the way. In fact, they expect it. “If you can’t get with my program,” they reason, “then I don’t want you around here anyway.” They only care about those who can help them reach their goals. Everyone else is dispensible – especially those who require too much attention.
What have you seen along this line?
I’ll write more about control freaks in leadership next time.
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