I was given a letter this week from a parent whose child attends a local elementary school.
In just seven lines, the letter states that the school’s rookie principal “has decided to pursue a professional growth opportunity outside our district and will not be returning to [the school] for the remainder of the year. We wish him well in his new endeavor.”
Without meaning to do so, the above paragraph speaks volumes … and provides insights into how the departure of a pastor might be handled as well.
The first thing that strikes me is that the principal left at least four weeks before the last day of school, which is June 9. What does this tell us?
It tells us that either he wanted out – badly – or that he was pressured to leave by a person or group inside/outside the school.
My guess is the latter.
Maybe he didn’t receive high marks from the school’s teachers … or district administrators … in his latest job performance review.
Maybe he didn’t do something he was asked to do … or he did something he wasn’t supposed to do.
Maybe he just wasn’t cut out to work with kids, parents, teachers, or bureaucrats.
Or maybe he did something very, very wrong.
Did the school district pay the principal not to work for the last four weeks of the school year?
I don’t know.
But leaving before the school year concludes?
Teachers don’t do that. Students don’t do that. And principals don’t do that, either.
Most pastors don’t have long-term contracts, meaning they’re on a perpetual one-day contract instead.
But there are times during the year when a pastor’s tenure is up for review, especially during budget time.
If the pastor’s salary is cut, that sends a message. If he doesn’t receive even a cost-of-living raise, that sends a message.
In churchland, maybe an apt comparison would be a pastor who resigns right before Easter or Christmas. Since most pastors enjoy those times of year, the pastor who leaves before a major Christian holiday was probably pushed out the door.
I know what I’m talking about. I resigned my position as pastor in my last church two weeks before Christmas … but I’d much rather have waited until after Christmas.
Makes for a tough holiday.
The second thing that strikes me is that the principal will be working “outside our district” in the future. What does this tell us?
It tells us that either he didn’t want to work in the district anymore, or that he wasn’t offered the chance to transfer to another school inside the district.
If he chose to move out of the area for some reason, wouldn’t it have been prudent to mention that as the reason for his departure? Announcing that a leader is moving away often covers a multitude of sins.
So my sense is that the principal didn’t want to work in the district … or that the district didn’t want him working for them.
Maybe there’s a similarity between a pastor who serves in a church that’s in a particular denomination.
A recurring theme that I hear from pastors who were forced out of their positions is that either their district minister didn’t help them when they were in trouble or that their DM was applauding their ouster.
In my case, I chose to leave the district and the denomination for good. I discovered years before that denominations are political organizations – far more than spiritual entities – and that when a pastor needs help, the last place he should go is to anyone inside the denomination.
In fact, since leaving my last ministry seven-and-a-half years ago, I don’t think I’ve visited even one church connected with that denomination.
This is a common response that pastors have toward leaders who could have helped, but chose their own self-preservation instead.
Maybe it’s why the majority of terminated pastors jump denominations when they’re looking for another position.
The third thing that strikes me is that the personnel director chose to announce the principal’s departure in a letter.
And the letter wasn’t mailed to parents … it went home with their children.
That’s like sending home a letter about a pastor’s resignation with children who attend Sunday School.
I’m not sure how this kind of thing is normally handled in the public school system.
Should a letter have been sent to parents’ homes?
That would take a lot of time, effort, and finances.
Should an announcement have been made to parents at a school assembly?
That would dampen the mood, wouldn’t it?
Should the school have sent an email to all the parents instead?
Maybe they did.
There isn’t a perfect way to announce the departure of any leader … especially a pastor.
Normally, a pastor’s resignation is announced from the pulpit when the congregation is gathered together.
If the pastor is leaving on good terms, he may read that letter himself.
If the pastor is being pushed out, he’s usually not permitted to interact with the church anymore, so someone else – often the board chairman – announces the pastor’s departure the following Sunday.
When I left a church in the late 1990s, I read my own letter. I wanted everyone to hear the news (a) at the same time, (b) from me personally, and (c) to hear how emotional it was for me to leave.
The principal may have read his letter to teachers or the PTA, I don’t know.
But as a pastor, I would want everyone in the church to receive a copy of my letter to avoid misinterpretation.
That means I’d either arrange to have a copy of my resignation sent to every home in the church – either through snail mail or email – or I’d have it posted on the church website for a brief period of time.
I’d want people to hear why I left – and the tone of my letter – from me directly, not from those who didn’t like me or might distort what I really said.
To me, the optimal way to handle a resignation is for the pastor to:
*write a positive letter
*read it to the church board
*read it to the congregation
*hang around to answer questions, if the board permits
*distribute that letter as widely as possible
That’s the healthy way, isn’t it?
But there’s one thing left …
The last thing that strikes me is that the school’s letter does not mention who to contact if the parents have any questions or concerns.
The address, phone number, and fax number of the school are at the top of the letter, and the personnel director signed her name.
In addition, the parents are told that “[So-and-So] will be on staff five days a week to serve students and staff” and that “[So-and-So] will be at [the school] three days a week to provide support.”
But if a parent is unhappy with the principal’s quick exit, or wants to know more, who are they supposed to contact?
By not explicitly saying anything, the veiled message is, “This situation is history. Forget about it and move on.”
Having seen the principal interacting with students – and having interacted with him myself on several occasions – my sense was that the job was a bit too big for him. Just an impression.
In other words, because the principal wasn’t wildly popular, or didn’t have a lot of meaningful relationships, or didn’t have any notable achievements, most parents likely will accept his departure rather than protest it.
They won’t care why he left … just that he left.
How different a school is from a church!
In a church, the person announcing a pastor’s resignation – usually the board chairman – better be ready for a deluge of questions mixed with anger.
Students rarely attend a particular public school because of the principal.
But most people do attend a specific local church because of the pastor!
And when that pastor leaves – voluntarily or otherwise – many people are going to be upset and want to know more about his exodus.
If the church board says little or nothing, some people will assume that the board pushed out the pastor and is covering their tracks.
If the church board tells the congregation everything, they’ll stir up emotions that can cripple their church for months … or years.
So I believe strongly that whenever a pastor leaves a church, the board needs to say as much as they can rather than as little as they can.
This helps the congregation transfer their trust from their ex-pastor to the present board.
But if the board says little or nothing, they will lose the trust of key leaders and opinion makers, who will either leave the church or turn on the board.
There may be some short-term pain involved by providing more context … and some people may leave the church … but it’s better to be up front than to have the truth leak out later … which it surely will … when it’s much harder to control matters.
The board also needs to tell the congregation, “If you have any questions or concerns, please contact us directly.” Then the board needs to give the congregation their email addresses … and individual board members need to answer every email they receive as soon as possible.
If I wanted to, I could ask some parents I know to find out the real reason why the principal left. With a little snooping around, I could probably uncover the truth.
But I’m on the fringe. I don’t have any kids or grandkids in that school.
People on the fringe of a church usually don’t care much why a pastor left … but the closer a person is to the inner circle, the more they feel they deserve to know the truth.
And with pastoral abuse and bullying – as well as forced terminations – on the rise, many churchgoers will assume the board was at fault if they don’t tell the church enough.
I once read that the best person in the secular world to compare to a local church pastor is a public school principal.
In fact, it’s a rule-of-thumb that the salary of a school principal can be used as a gauge for the amount a pastor should be paid in a community.
Maybe a school bureaucrat can get away with sending home a letter about the principal’s departure.
But a church board can’t try the same tactic without generating a gigantic train wreck.
The more that’s said … and the more honestly it’s said … the better it is for everyone.
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
How Should We Handle Christian Liars?
Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged Christian leaders who lie, Christian liars, lying in the church on May 26, 2017| Leave a Comment »
If you lie to me once, you’ve sinned.
If you lie to me twice, you’re a liar.
You’ve established a pattern.
It’s difficult to confront liars because they usually cover their past lies with new ones.
I once worked with a church staff member who seemed to enjoy lying.
Several people came to me and said, “So-and-So lied to me.” They were very upset and wanted me to do something about his fibs.
I tried talking to this leader to see if I could discern any untruths coming from his mouth, but he was really good at covering things up.
So I decided to take my time and see if I could catch the leader in a lie myself.
One day a few weeks later, someone who worked with this person requested a private meeting with me. They shared information that, if true, could only result in the dismissal of this staff member.
I took two full days to investigate some of the charges the informant made … and the most serious ones turned out to be accurate.
If I brought verbal charges to this staffer, I knew what what happen: he would just deny … or explain away … the charges … just like he did with everything else.
I needed air-tight evidence that he had lied before I could confront him.
Fortunately, I was able to get that evidence in the form of an email from a key person in a Christian organization.
I called the staffer into my office … asked him some questions … asked him if he stood by his answers … and then handed him the email contradicting what he had just told me.
He lied twice to my face … and it was tragic watching him try and explain away his falsehoods.
He left the church soon afterward.
One family in particular drew close to this staff member, and when he left, I suspected they were upset with me.
And sure enough, a few years later, they were in on the attack to force me to leave.
I can only imagine the lies he told about me on his way out the door.
_______________
When a church conflict becomes a contest, some churchgoers start lying.
On occasion, a pastor will float a lie or two about his enemies, but most of the time, people lie about the pastor instead.
In fact, when some people want to force out their pastor, they will lie about him indiscriminately as a way of getting others to join their cause.
And by the time the pastor finds out that people are lying about him, critical mass has been reached, and so many people believe the lies that the pastor has to resign.
This is what happened in my case seven-and-a-half years ago. There were so many lies going around about me that (a) I didn’t know where they came from, (b) I didn’t know what was being said, and (c) I didn’t know how to counter the lies.
In a very real sense, I was lied right out of the church.
Because Jesus didn’t do anything wrong, the only way His enemies could destroy Him was to lie about Him.
And because many pastors try and lead godly lives, the only way their enemies can destroy them is to lie about them.
*The lies must sound plausible or people will quickly discount them.
*The lies must be plentiful in case the pastor is able to debunk one or two of them successfully.
*The lies originate from those who hate the pastor and want revenge against him … otherwise they would sit down with the pastor in love and speak to him directly.
*The lies leak out from unlikely sources at inopportune times.
*The lies multiply once the pastor leaves the church to prevent any future influence he might have.
Several months after we left our last church, my wife and I went to lunch with a woman who had been very kind to us.
She told me that rumors were swirling around that I had had an affair and that my wife had had an affair as well.
At first, my wife and I both laughed. She’s the only woman I’ve ever kissed, and I’m the only man she’s ever kissed.
Besides that, my wife worked on the staff with me, and we drove to and from work together in the same car … the only car we had.
And we worked right across the hall from each other.
So we both knew the affair talk was balderdash … but evidently there were some who believed it … and others who were perpetuating it.
This information greatly saddened me, but it was also an indication that Satan – “a liar and the father of lies” – had established a firm foothold in that congregation.
_______________
People lie because it works. And when they’re caught, they’re often able to lie their way out of trouble.
I accept the fact that there are liars inside local churches today.
But I pray they aren’t on church staffs … or on church boards … or in church pulpits … or any other places of influence … because lies destroy people, families, and congregations.
I once knew an associate pastor who worked for a pastor I knew quite well.
This staff member wanted to get rid of someone in the church he didn’t like … so he lied about him.
When the pastor found out that his associate had lied, he called him into his office … verified all the facts … and then told the associate, “You know what to do.”
The associate instantly resigned.
That’s how we used to handle church leaders who lied.
How should we handle them today?
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