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The Key to Growing a Church

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Current Church Issues, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on June 17, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Four decades ago, I visited a church near my home to hear a famous theologian speak.

The church had recently called a new pastor, and he eventually became a household name among Christians worldwide.

A friend of mine attended that church, and years later, he told me that their leaders had conducted a study of their new members.

The result?  98% of their new members came from other area churches.

Years later, I attended a major Bible conference, and that famous pastor did a two-hour question-and-answer session.

Someone asked him, “What is your church doing in the area of evangelism?”

His response?  “That’s the next thing we’re going to look at.”

He had been senior pastor of that church for 15 years.

Something troubled me about his answer.

He was a Bible teacher par excellence, and while he was now leading a megachurch, the newcomers flocking to his ministry were almost exclusively believers from other congregations.

I once heard him say that he wasn’t trying to steal sheep from other churches, but his mission field seemed confined to nearby assemblies, which caused resentment among smaller church pastors.

As I learned in seminary, there are three ways a church grows:

*biological growth (the children of Christian parents receive Christ and stay in the church)

*transfer growth (the church expects they will attract new residents and believers from other churches)

*conversion growth (the church deliberately tries to reach spiritually lost people for Christ)

Most churches in America are growing because they attract dissatisfied believers from other congregations … but that’s never been Jesus’ design for His church.

Jesus’ Great Commission is presented in all Four Gospels and in Acts 1:8.  The best-known version is found in Matthew 28:19-20, where Jesus tells His disciples:

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

There is one command in these verses: make disciples, which begins by winning lost people to Jesus Christ.

Jesus doesn’t say:

“Make better believers of the already convinced.”

“Make members on a quarterly basis.”

“Make as many Baptists as you can.”

No, His first priority for His church in these verses is evangelism … making disciples of all nations … which starts with a church’s own community.

But in most churches … as was the case with that famous megachurch pastor … evangelism ranks dead last among church activities.  In what sense can such churches claim they are carrying out Jesus’ final orders?

I’ve discovered that churches that are serious about reaching their community do the following five things:

First, the pastor preaches from Scripture about issues that people care about.

I once preached through 2 Chronicles and began emptying out the church.  While I find that book fascinating, most people don’t.

What do people care about?  Their marriage … kids … health … job … finances … emotions … and future, for starters.

It’s easy to ask your neighbor or co-worker to church when the topic is marriage or raising kids.  It’s nearly impossible when the pastor is stuck in 2 Chronicles 12.

Since there are very few outstanding Bible expositors around, it’s better for most pastors to preach like Jesus did: topically.  (Jesus never did an exposition of any Bible book, but He sure quoted a lot of Old Testament verses.)

Second, the church makes sure that newcomers have a great worship experience.

My friend Gary McIntosh says that guests make 11 decisions about a church in the first 30 seconds.

If those first 30 seconds are great, the music, preaching, and after-service experience still need to be positive for people to return.

But if those first 30 seconds are uncomfortable or offensive, people rarely will return.  Churches only have one chance to make a great impression.

My wife and I once visited a church and were forced to stand outside the church doors for 10 minutes while they held a baptism.

We never went back.

Third, after several visits, guests are invited to join small groups and serve in entry-level ministries.

There’s a guaranteed way to keep people from becoming involved in your church: don’t invite them to anything.

The people in outreach-oriented churches personally invite family, friends, and co-workers to small groups and ministries.

Those in inwardly-focused churches don’t invite people because they’re thinking, “That’s my group … that’s my ministry … and those are my friends.”

Share your group and your ministry, and your church may grow.  Hog it, and it won’t.

Fourth, the church creates services and activities that appeal to unbelievers and believers alike.

When God’s people know that their worship services are consistently great, it’s natural for them to invite newcomers along.

And when God’s people know that an outreach activity will be done first class, they will definitely invite unbelievers from their network to attend.

I found that if a service or event was designed for unbelievers, our church worked much harder on it than if it was just for Christians.

I once oversaw an outreach event that featured a Christian illusionist.  We were forced to think and plan big, but the place was packed, and many people prayed to receive Christ that night.

Finally, the church reflects their outreach orientation in their mindset, staffing, budget, and ministries.

Mindset = the entire congregation is trained to invite people from their social networks as well as greet the newcomers around them at services.

Staffing = the church employs at least one person who is focused on outreach.

Budget = the church sets aside as much money as they can to reach their community for Christ.

Ministries = the church offers specific ministries for those who don’t yet know Christ.

I’ve visited scores of churches over the past few years and I can tell you this:

You can sense whether a church is outreach-oriented or inreach-oriented within the first few minutes.

How well is your church fulfilling Christ’s Great Commission?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Must Pastors Be Perfect?

Posted in Conflict with the Pastor, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on June 13, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Do you know any pastors personally?

If so, are you under the illusion that they’re perfect?

My grandfather … father … step-father … and father-in-law have all been pastors.

They are godly men … in my mind, even great men.

But many pastors … if not most … wish they could be perfect … and sometimes put on the façade that they are.

But there are always people around a pastor to remind him that he is very, very fallible.

During my 36 years in church ministry, I did my best to make as few mistakes as possible … but I still made my share.

Here’s the first one:

When I was 19, I was hired by my church to work with the high school and college groups over the summer.

A few days after being hired, our church held a missions conference.

The first night, a missionary showed slides of the new Bible Institute that his organization had built in India.

The missionary was quite a character.  His presentation was hilarious.  I laughed … hard … along with everybody around me.

As soon as the service was over, the Church Gestapo confronted me and said that since I was now a paid youth leader, I needed to set a better example for the young people.

I told him, “But the presentation was funny!”  He agreed … but reiterated what he said anyway.

I learned two things from that initial encounter: first, as long as I was in ministry, some people were always going to be keeping me under surveillance; second, some people weren’t going to allow me to be normal.

That puts a lot of pressure on you to meet everyone’s expectations.

Fast forward ahead 35 years.

My wife had spent five days in the hospital with great abdominal pain.  She didn’t receive a diagnosis until Friday.  It was scary … but she was going to be okay.

Our church was holding a rare Saturday morning conference.  Should I stay at home and care for my wife or attend the conference?

If I didn’t attend the conference, some people might accuse me of being unsupportive … so I went.

I felt almost giddy.  I could dress down.  I had no duties.  I could be a person.

The conference speakers were excellent.

I sat in the back, and the only person near me was a woman I’d known for years.

From time-to-time, I turned around and made little comments to her about what was being said.  It felt good to be away from the hospital.

At the break, someone came up to me and reamed me out for being rude.

To quote Yogi Berra, it was deja vu all over again.

Was I rude?  I didn’t think so at the time, but maybe I was.  I certainly didn’t mean to be.

But once again, I had that feeling that I had to be perfect every time I came within three miles of the church campus.

In his book, Leadership That Works, Leith Anderson introduces the concept of “parish poker.”  He writes:

“Becoming a pastor is like joining a poker game.  Although I am neither a gambler nor a poker player, I know that at the beginning of a game each player has a limited number of chips to play with and must use them strategically to win.”

Anderson goes on:

“Churches generally give new pastors 50 to 100 ‘chips’ to get started.  After that, they either gain chips or lose what they have, depending on how well they learn the catalog of rewards and penalties the church runs by (which, of course, no one bothered to tell the new pastor about).”

Anderson then lists various behaviors and the number of chips involved:

Preach a good sermon (+2 chips)

Preach a bad sermon (- 8 chips)

Visit sick person in hospital (+7 chips)

Sick person dies (was expected to recover) (-10 chips)

Sick person recovers (was expected to die) (+40 chips)

Bring cookies to monthly board meeting (+ 1/2 chip)

Lose temper and shout at monthly board meeting (-25 chips)

In my last ministry, I thought I had earned thousands of chips over the years, so if I made a mistake, I’d still have thousands more left … but some people insisted that if I made even one mistake, I deserved to lose all my chips.

Sometimes “parish poker” doesn’t seem fair.

Let me make three observations about pastors and perfection:

First, expect that your pastor will disappoint you somewhere along the line.

He will say something in a sermon that will make you wince … or angry.

He will make a decision you don’t agree with.

He will make an inappropriate comment to you personally … laugh about something serious … or fail to greet you while passing.

I didn’t say you had to like it … just expect it.  He isn’t an angel, so don’t idealize him.

But realize this: every other pastor is just as imperfect.

Second, if you’re really upset with him, talk to him directly.

Whenever somebody spoke with me personally about my perceived misbehavior, I tried to thank them.  It takes courage to confront your pastor.

If you do it out of anger, your pastor will invariably become defensive.

If you do it calmly and lovingly, he will hear what you’re saying much better.

Try not to come off as the Church Gestapo.  Every church has them … and every pastor runs from them.

Finally, let your pastor be a person.

I read around 75 books for my doctoral program.  One of them was called The Pastor as Person.

The basic thesis of the book was this: the pastor is a person before he is a pastor.

Many pastors forget that they’re persons.  Since so many people at church want them to be angels instead, that’s what they try to be.

But after a while, a pastor has to stop trying to be somebody else and just be himself.

If you want your pastor to be an angel, you’re being unfair.  He can’t be who you want him to be.

But if you accept the fact that he’s human … and that he gets weak and tired and frustrated and even angry at times … then you’ll be doing him a great favor.

Because the New Testament tells us that Jesus was human … that, at times, He was weak and tired and frustrated and angry … and that He was made “a little lower than the angels.”

Jesus was morally perfect.  Your pastor isn’t.

But Jesus was also a person … a human being … and He had limitations.

Just like pastors.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Should Pastors Ever Defend Themselves?

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on June 9, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Several weeks ago, I heard a well-known pastor make this statement: “Christians should never defend themselves.”

The pastor said that when Jesus was arrested, He refused to defend Himself.

As 1 Peter 2:23 puts it: “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.  Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”

Yes, Jesus suffered unjustly.  He did not engage in self-defense when He was charged with blasphemy against Jewish law and sedition against Roman law.

But suppose that after that well-known pastor finished preaching that day, when he went back to his office, he was met by two church leaders, along with two detectives.

And then one of the detectives told that pastor, “I am arresting you on suspicion of child abuse.”

Would that pastor hire an attorney to defend him against the charges?

Would that pastor protest his innocence to church leaders and to his congregation?

Would that pastor assure his family and friends that he wasn’t guilty of the charges made against him?

The answer in each case is a resounding, “Yes!” … but didn’t he just preach that Christians … including pastors … should never defend themselves?

I’ve never been a fan of such blanket statements, and believe that they defy both Scripture and common sense.

Let me try and offer some clarity on this issue:

First, pastors need to ignore most criticisms and slanders.

Why?  Because it’s easy to become so obsessed with your critics that you can’t get anything done.

In his classic book Lectures to My Students, Charles Spurgeon provided wise counsel to young pastoral students in his matchless chapter “The Blind Eye and the Deaf Ear”:

“We would say of the general gossip of the village, and of the unadvised words of angry friends – do not hear them, or if you must hear them, do not lay them to heart, for you also have talked idly and angrily in your day, and would even now be in an awkward position if you were called to account for every word that you have spoken, even about your dearest friend.”

In Richard Foster’s book Celebration of Discipline, he writes:

“The tongue is our most powerful weapon of manipulation.  A frantic stream of words flows from us because we are in a constant process of adjusting our public image.  We fear so deeply what we think other people see in us that we talk in order to straighten out their understanding.  If I have done some wrong thing (or even some right thing that I think you may misunderstand), and discover that you know about it, I will be very tempted to help you understand my action!  Silence is one of the deepest Disciplines of the Spirit simply because it puts the stopper on all self-justification.”

When I was a young pastor, every criticism wounded me, regardless of the source.  But as I grew older … and hopefully, more mature … I learned to shrug off many comments.  I couldn’t let them divert me from what God wanted me … and our church … to be and to do.

And sometimes I would engage in self-talk and say, “Who are you to think that you can please everybody?”

Second, pastors do need to address major charges … sometimes publicly.

A megachurch pastor once told me that four of his staff members were making false accusations about him.  The four had joined forces and were hoping to push out the pastor so they could lead the church instead.

The pastor instantly called a meeting of the congregation, and when he did, three of those staff members instantly resigned … which should tell you something.

One Sunday afternoon, the pastor sat on the stage and answered question after question related to the charges and resignations of those staff members.  As I recall, the meeting lasted many hours.

The pastor was able to convince the congregation that the charges made against him were untrue, and he stayed as pastor of the church, which has since become one of America’s largest and most impactful.

If those four staff members had successfully driven their pastor from his position, where would that church be today?

And if the pastor had taken the advice, “Christians should never defend themselves,” where would he be today?

Spurgeon put it this way:

“Standing as we do in a position which makes us choice targets for the devil and his allies, our best course is to defend our innocence by our silence and leave our reputation with God.  Yet there are exceptions to this general rule.  When distinct, definite, public charges are made against a man he is bound to answer them, and answer them in the clearest and most open manner.  To decline all investigation is in such a case practically to plead guilty, and whatever may be the mode of putting it, the general public ordinarily regard a refusal to reply as a proof of guilt…. when the matter assumes more serious proportions, and our accuser defies us to a defense, we are bound to meet his charges with honest statements of fact.  In every instance counsel should be sought of the Lord as to how to deal with slanderous tongues, and in the issue innocence will be vindicated and falsehood convicted.”

In Matthew 19:17-20, Jesus told His twelve disciples that they would be brought before governors and kings and the Gentiles because of their allegiance to Jesus.  The Master said: “But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it.  At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”

Notice Jesus doesn’t tell His followers, “Don’t defend yourself and say nothing.”  Rather, He says, “The Spirit will tell you what to say when you need to say it.”  In fact, isn’t the last quarter of the Book of Acts a recounting of Paul’s attempts to defend himself against false charges?

In addition, how many times did Jesus defend Himself against charges made by the Jewish leaders of His day?  Just read John chapters 5-9 and you’ll be amazed how adamantly Jesus defends Himself and His ministry against His critics.

But when it was time for Jesus to die, He refused to defend Himself, and even though He was abused, He left His reputation in the hands of His Heavenly Father.

Whenever you hear a statement like, “Christians should never defend themselves,” stop and ask yourself, “Is that what the whole Bible teaches on the subject?”

And then imagine yourself asking the speaker: “If you were falsely accused of a major offense, would you really refuse to defend yourself at all?”

What do you think?  When should a pastor ignore any charges made against him … and when should he defend himself?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Five Safeguards for Protecting Pastors

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on June 6, 2014| 4 Comments »

Like you, I’ve heard a lot in the past few days about U.S. Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl.

Like you, I have some personal opinions about the wisdom of exchanging five terrorist leaders for the sergeant.

Like you, I wonder why Sgt. Bergdahl ended up being captured by the Haqqani network.

And like you, I don’t know whether Sgt. Bergdahl is guilty of desertion … or innocent … or something in between.

But I do know this: Sgt. Bergdahl has not yet told his side of the story … and until he does … we need to be very careful about making final judgments.

Why bring this up on a blog devoted to pastors and church conflict?

_______________

Several months ago, a friend and colleague sent me an email.

My friend had spent several hours with a pastor who was forced out of a church he had planted.

One of the staff members began spreading a rumor that the pastor and his wife were taking illegal drugs.

Someone called a public meeting.

When the pastor stood up to confront the charges being made about him, those who opposed him stood up and shouted, “You’re lying!”

Because they kept yelling at their pastor, he finally stopped talking and walked out of the church … and resigned soon afterward.

Satan couldn’t have planned it any better.

That pastor – and all pastors – need to be protected by the following safeguards in every church:

First, the pastor has the right to know any charges being made about him.

How many people told that pastor that people were saying he was taking illegal drugs?

My guess: few, if any.

I was recently told for the first time about a charge some people made about me 4 1/2 years ago.

The charge was 100% false, but why wasn’t I told about it sooner?  How many people believe it to this day?

And why wasn’t I ever given a chance to defend myself against that charge?

Second, the pastor has the right to meet with his accusers.

The staff member who made the accusation about drug usage needed to speak with the pastor and his wife before taking his charge to anyone else.

By taking his charge to others first, he could have ruined their reputations and careers.  What if the charge was totally false?

If a similar charge was made against a top leader in a secular corporation … and it proved to be false … the person making the charge would be dismissed and possibly sued for slander.

When people make charges against a pastor … but never make the charges to his face … they almost always exaggerate the charges.  Remember that.

Third, the pastor has the right to see any and all evidence against him.

What kind of evidence did the staff member have that the pastor and his wife were taking drugs?  Blood tests?  Photographs?  Eyewitness accounts?

Or was it all just speculation?

The pastor needed to be presented with all the evidence.

If the evidence was strong, the pastor might have privately asked for forgiveness … or gone into rehab … or resigned on his own … without involving the congregation.

But if the evidence was fabricated … or misinterpreted … then the pastor needed to be able to tell his side of the story.

Otherwise, when we don’t like a pastor, we can just manufacture lies about him, and he’ll be forced to leave … without anyone ever discovering where those lies originated.

Fourth, the pastor should never initially be confronted with a charge in public. 

Why would a staff member take a charge against his pastor public?

To embarrass him?  To humiliate him?  To use the power of the mob?

Yes, yes, and yes … but most of all, to engage in retribution.

Many of the charges that people make against pastors are really punitive in nature.

How can you tell?

Because the people making the charges never talk about restoring their pastor … or redeeming him … but only about removing him.

Where do we ever find that sentiment in the New Testament?

Finally, the pastor should be given due process whenever charges are made against him.

Many … if not most … churches lack such a process.

And even if they do have one, the process (found in church bylaws) is often ignored because people become anxious and overly-emotional.

But it’s critical that a pastor … as well as any spiritual leader … be allowed to have a hearing and tell his version of events.  Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”

When do church leaders ever question those who make charges against their pastor?

The ethos in most churches is that whenever people make accusations against a pastor, they’re almost always accurate.

But they aren’t … not by a long shot.

In the story about the pastor allegedly taking drugs, why did the pastor’s opponents shout him down when he tried to answer their charges?

Because they didn’t want their pastor to be given due process.  They had already selected themselves as judge, jury, and executioner, and in their eyes, he was guilty.

But if he had been allowed to speak, the truth would have exposed their own guilt and hatred, and they could not allow that to occur.

My prayer for churchgoers everywhere is that whenever they have concerns about their pastor’s character or behavior, they will insist on a fair process rather than immediately declare his innocence or his guilt.

_______________

I don’t know the complete truth about Sgt. Bergdahl.  Maybe nobody does right now.

But he shouldn’t be tried in the press, especially when he can’t answer the charges that people are making against him.

In the meantime, I’m going to try and keep an open mind about his guilt or innocence, especially after I read this article today from the pastor of the Bergdahl family:

Bowe Bergdahl’s Former Pastor Shares His Personal Reflections on the Recent Events

He will have his day in court.  Then we’ll find out the truth.

But please remember: neither the mainstream media … nor social media … nor your dinner table … constitute a fair and final court.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Three Tips for Disagreeing with a Pastor

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on June 4, 2014| 1 Comment »

Even though the event happened thirty years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.

I was in my second pastorate.

As a young pastor, I was trying to put a new twist on some old practices … so one Sunday morning, I did communion differently.

I substituted pita bread for those small wafers, and used Styrofoam cups instead of the tiny plastic ones.

In my mind, it was just an experiment.

After the service, many people told me how much they enjoyed communion … especially the young couples.

As I recall, nobody voiced any objections … until the following Sunday.

At 10:55 that morning … five minutes before the service began … I stepped into the men’s room.  The church’s 77-year-old songleader joined me.

While standing where men momentarily stand, the songleader told me:

“I didn’t like the way communion was done last Sunday.”

I replied, “Well, many people told me how much they enjoyed doing communion differently.”

When I asked him why some didn’t like it, he responded, “Too unsanitary.”

And then he added, “And many people agree with me.”

I asked him, “How many?”  He replied, “Five.”

I then asked, “What are their names?”

He replied, “I’m not telling you that.”

My well-meaning friend … who has long since gone to be with Jesus … could have handled the situation much better.

In fact, let me share with you three tips for disagreeing with a pastor:

First, never confront a pastor right before or right after a worship service.

My friend had one full week to discuss his feelings with me.

He could have called me on the phone or set up an appointment.

Had he shared his concerns during the week, we could have had a relaxed discussion.

But right before a service, pastors are intensely focused on their message.  Their entire week culminates with their sermon.

Because pastors are usually sensitive individuals, one stray comment can negatively impact their feelings and thus their sermon, impacting an entire congregation.

After a pastor preaches, he’s drained … especially if he has to speak more than once.

Although pastors work hard to be gracious after they preach, they’ve emptied themselves spiritually and emotionally … and if people criticize him, his reactions can be unpredictable.

It’s far better to write the pastor an email on Monday or give him a call during the week … but let him go before and after he speaks.

Second, choose an optimal setting for dialogue.

I can’t speak for women, but men don’t have substantive conversations in a restroom.

The pastor’s study might be a good place for a discussion … or a restaurant … but not a place where men tend to get in and then get out.

I realize that some people see their pastor on a Sunday and think, “Oh, I meant to call him this past week, but he’s right there, so I’ll talk to him now.”

But the heavier the issue, the more time it requires … and the church patio is not the optimal place for discussion.

It’s better to say to the pastor, “There’s something I’d like to discuss with you this next week.  When would be the best time to talk?”

Then let the pastor tell you how to approach him … and I guarantee he’ll listen better.

Third, always speak for yourself when you have a disagreement.

My friend thought that if he told me that others agreed with him, it would add weight to his argument, but it had the opposite effect.

Because if you don’t tell me who you represent, I can’t verify the truthfulness of your claim.

All he needed to say was, “I didn’t like the way you did communion last week.”  Now the two of us can dialogue one-on-one.

But when you bring phantom individuals into the room … and you won’t tell me their names … what am I supposed to say?

“You’re right … I’ll never do that again?”

After that encounter, I learned to make an additional statement to anyone who called upon phantom witnesses:

“Please tell anyone who is upset to speak with me personally.  If they do, I promise to listen.  If they don’t, then I will assume the issue isn’t that important.”

Over the years, know how many phantom witnesses later came to me?

That’s right … not one.

That should tell you something.

Pastors are not popes or angels.  They make mistakes … and it’s all right to discuss their mistakes with them.

Just avoid sermon time, bathrooms, and phantom witnesses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Seven Ideas for Pastors Seeking a Ministry

Posted in Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , , on May 29, 2014| 2 Comments »

Once upon a time, a prospective pastor could send his resume to the district minister of a particular denomination … or to the placement department of his seminary … and receive contacts from churches within a few months.

This is what happened in my case.  Ten months after graduating from seminary, I sent my resume to a district minister in Northern California and:

*The chairman of a church search team called me six weeks later.

*I preached at that church the following Sunday.

*I candidated at the church the Sunday after that.

*Two months after the initial contact, my family and I moved to Silicon Valley where I began my initial pastorate.

From the day I sent in my resume to my first Sunday in that church, it took only four months … but that was 33 years ago.

I know a lot of pastors who are looking for new ministries … especially pastors who were pushed out of their previous church.

It’s natural for them to assume, “The way I secured my last pastorate is the way I’ll secure my next one.”

But times have changed, as have the rules for finding a new ministry.

Sadly, there are far more pastors than there are opportunities … it’s never been harder to find a new position … and going the conventional resume route may take a year or two before anything happens.

If a small or medium-sized church advertises that they’re looking for a pastor, it’s common for that church to receive 300+ resumes.

Know what the search team does with those resumes?  It sets up criteria for tossing as many of them as possible … and if a pastor is over 55, chances are good that his resume will be discarded quickly.

But there are ways to find … or start … another ministry.  Assuming that you have compiled a sharp resume, let me share seven options for finding another position:

First, network with everybody you know … through LinkedIn … Facebook … email … and personal visits.

Compose profiles on LinkedIn and Facebook.  Invite as many people to connect with you as possible.

Send personal emails to people you know in ministry, telling them that you’re looking for a position.  Ask them if you can send them your resume.

Identify ministry colleagues who live within several hours of you.  Invite them out for a snack or a meal at your expense.  Ask them, “Do you know of any ministry opportunities for someone like me?”  They might not know of anything now, but they just might in a month or two.

Work your network.  My second ministry position came through a cousin.  My third one came from a ministry colleague, as did my last one.  Networking works.

Second, place a video of you preaching or teaching on YouTube and other video sites.

In the past, search teams wanted to listen to your sermon.  Now they want to see it.

If you already have a video that works, then upload it and let search teams know it’s there.

If you don’t have one at hand, find a place to preach or teach and ask someone competent to videotape you.

If a search team does view your sermon online, it probably means that you’re in their top ten or twenty prospects.

But if you don’t have one, few churches will even consider you.

Third, ask a pastor friend who lives nearby if you can assist him for six months to a year for free.

Tell your friend that you’re willing to preach … teach … lead seminars … visit the sick … counsel people … whatever he needs.

Assure him that you won’t be a threat.  You just want to keep your hand in church ministry … and you promise to support him wholeheartedly.

This might only involve five to ten hours a week, but if you do well, ask the pastor if he’ll provide a reference for you … and maybe he can refer you to some open churches.

In addition, maybe you and the pastor can create a position description and a pathway into new ministry.

And if he allows you to speak one Sunday, make sure that someone videotapes your message!

Fourth, consider planting a church.

Church planting requires enormous amounts of energy.  You’ll need a vision … a location … and a core group before you go public.

It’s a misnomer that you have to start in a school or a storefront.  A ministry colleague told me that he once started a Bible study in his home.  Before he knew it, 75 people were attending … enough to start a new church.

If you can assemble a group of fifteen or twenty people within a few weeks, you can start meeting … and remember: they know people, too.

If you do choose to plant a church … especially if you’ve never done it before … it’s essential that you receive some training at a conference or assessment center.

In fact, you’ll have to reinvent yourself to do it right … but that challenge can also give you focus and new energy.

I was involved in rebirthing a church more than twenty years ago … shutting one down, and starting a new one … and it was the most exciting thing I’ve ever done in ministry.  Many people are drawn to new churches.

And you’ll get to fashion the church you’ve always dreamed of serving.

If you go this route, though, you have to be in it for the long haul, because if you falter, the church may dissipate … but it’s far easier to birth a baby than to raise the dead.

You may also need to raise money for several years from family and friends to cover part of your salary.

Fifth, consider becoming an interim pastor.

Most interim pastors are former pastors who are no longer in church ministry.  My guess is that the great majority of interims were forced to resign prematurely.  Some are retired ministers.

Again, most interims are in their late fifties or older.  One interim organization won’t consider anybody under 62 years of age.

Because I was an interim pastor at a church in New Hampshire in the fall of 2012, I know something about the pluses and minuses of making it a career:

Pluses: you’re usually there only six months to two years; your ministry is greatly needed; you may help the search team select a pastoral candidate; the tax breaks can be astonishing.

Minuses: the pay varies; some people will resist your leadership; some interims get beat up; you’ll have to travel from place to place.

The need for interims is greatest in the Midwest and on the East Coast.  If you don’t live in those regions, you’ll probably have to move near the church.

How do you find a church that needs an interim pastor?

If you send me an email at jim@restoringkingdombuilders.org, I can recommend you an organization that places interims in churches.

You’ll have to undergo two days of training in-person.  It’s very enjoyable.  And you may be placed quickly.

Sixth, if you’re older, zero in on a church reaching people older than fifty … as a pastor or associate.

Last year, I noticed that a church located in a retirement community was looking for an associate pastor.  I immediately called the search team leader and discussed the position with her.

The church was composed of people fifty and up … with most people in their seventies.

My guess was that if I applied for this church, I had a good shot at being considered because I’d be one of the younger ones.

So I did apply … wrote out answers to interview questions … did a Skype interview … and made the top three.

The three of us were all invited to visit the church on consecutive weekends.

I called the search team leader and asked her two questions: where am I at on the totem pole, and what does the position pay?

She wouldn’t clearly answer either question.

So I withdrew my name … much to the relief of my family … none of whom wanted me to take the position.

But if you want to cut down the competition … and look good by comparison … apply for churches that specialize in reaching older people … often in retirement communities.

Finally, start your own non-profit ministry.

Here’s the downside to doing this:

*You won’t be able to be the family breadwinner in most cases.

*You’ll have to apply for 501(c)(3) status with the IRS.

*You’ll need to become proficient with social media.

*You’ll have to learn how to raise money.

*Many … if not most … pastors won’t give you the time of day.

But there’s a strong upside:

*You become your own boss.

*You can follow your ministry passion.

*You can become an authority in your field.

*You can redeem your ministry wounds by helping others.

*You just might become the recipient of a large gift.  (A ministry colleague started a non-profit, and someone died … leaving his ministry a six-figure gift in their will.)

The Lord led me to start a non-profit ministry 40 months ago, and it’s been very fulfilling.  It’s all I want to do.

If you decide to go this route … obtaining tax-exempt status is the single biggest obstacle.  (I know an organization that can accelerate the process for a fee.  Write me at jim@restoringkingdombuilders.org and I’ll share the details.)

Yes, you can send resumes to online sites like churchstaffing.com … and you can peruse the openings on your college or seminary’s placement area … and you can contact the district ministers of various denominations.

But all of those strategies place your career in the hands of people who are already extremely busy … and may only have a few seconds to look over your materials.

Even if a church calls you for a phone interview, you don’t know what they’re looking for … and they’re not going to be completely honest about telling you their struggles.

In my view, it’s far better to try something different … like the options I mentioned above.

What are your thoughts on what I’ve written?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why Keep Church Troublemakers?

Posted in Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on May 27, 2014| 5 Comments »

Imagine that you own a business.  You have ten employees.

Because business hasn’t been going well recently, you have to lay off two workers.

Eight employees are loyal and work hard.  Two have conspired to attack you behind your back and don’t do much of anything.

Your decision is a no-brainer, right?

Now imagine that you’re a board member in a congregation of 200 adults

Ten individuals … meaning five percent of your congregation … have abused, slandered, and attacked your pastor to the point that he has resigned.

As a church leader, what are you going to do about it?

If you follow the New Testament, the decision is simple for you and your fellow board members:

Confront the troublemakers and give them a choice: either repent of your sin or leave the church.

Those who are truly spiritually-oriented will repent.  Those who aren’t will leave the church kicking and screaming … but if you mean business, they will leave.

But how often do board members confront those who pushed out their pastor?

Hardly ever.

Why not?

It could be because board members:

*don’t think the troublemakers did anything wrong.

*are afraid of the troublemakers.

*are friends with the troublemakers.

*are ignorant of the New Testament’s directives on divisive individuals.

*know the New Testament’s directives but choose to ignore them.

*leave the thankless task to an interim pastor.

*reason, “We need all the attendees, donors, and volunteers we can get … even if they are troublemakers.”

*are so exhausted after the pastor’s departure that they don’t even consider confronting anybody.

However … there is a price to be paid for failing to confront the troublemakers, and it’s a high price indeed:

Many of your church’s spiritual, healthy, and valuable people will leave.

Imagine these two scenarios:

Lisa had been away from church for years, but she came back to the Lord because of Pastor Bill.

She rarely missed his sermons … joined a small group … discovered her spiritual gifts and began serving in a ministry … and became a generous giver.

But every Sunday when she comes to church now, she sees five troublemakers sitting together, and she says to herself, “Those are the people who pushed out my pastor.”

If she confronts them, she’s liable to blow her top.  So she stays silent … and simmers … and assumes that nobody ever addressed the troublemakers.

Going to church eventually becomes such an unpleasant experience that she leaves the church for good.

Paul received emails from the troublemakers denouncing Pastor Bill on a regular basis.

At first, the notes made him feel important, but after a few weeks, they upset him and made him feel like a traitor, so he began deleting them without reading them.

But Paul knows the troublemakers were telling twisted lies about Pastor Bill, and he wonders why they seem to be immune from correction.

When it’s time for the church to vote on new board members, two troublemakers are nominated, and Paul feels sick inside.

How can he attend and support a church where the people who attacked and slandered his pastor have been placed into leadership?

So Paul slips out the back door … and never attends that church again.

Dr. Leith Anderson is one of America’s foremost pastors and thinkers.  I had the privilege of taking my last Doctor of Ministry course with him at Fuller Seminary.  In his book Leadership That Works, Anderson writes about the failure of church leaders to discipline church troublemakers:

“The result is that the church keeps the dissenters and loses the happy, healthy people to other churches.  Most healthy Christians have a time limit and a tolerance level for unchristian and unhealthy attitudes and behaviors.”

Do church leaders know that when they ignore divisive behavior they are alienating the very people they need to make their church productive?

If leaders don’t confront the troublemakers, the following things will happen:

*Church morale will plunge.

*Many of the pastor’s supporters will leave.

*Giving will take a dive.

*The church’s heart will be cut out.

*The troublemakers will stay around to cause trouble again.

*The church may never recover.

*God will withhold His blessing until the leaders do what is right.

It’s happening all over America:

When a group attacks their pastor, the troublemakers stay, and many solid Christian people leave.

Doesn’t sound like a good deal, does it?

Then why does it happen so often?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Church Where Nothing Happens

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , on May 22, 2014| 3 Comments »

Pastor Rick couldn’t believe what he’d just heard.

Steve, the board chairman at Third Church, had called to tell Rick that a group had formed inside the congregation and were making accusations against him.

Pastor Rick was stunned by the news … so stunned that he felt dazed and sick inside.

Who was in this group?  What were they saying about him?

His hand trembling as he called Steve back, Rick asked Steve those same two questions.

Steve assured his pastor, “Don’t worry.  I’ll take care of it.”

But one week later, the group had grown, and there were even more accusations.

What had Steve done to stop the carnage?

Absolutely nothing.

Pastor Rick didn’t eat.  He couldn’t sleep.  In fact, he was barely functioning.

As he answered phone calls and emails … and prepared his message for Sunday … and tried to pray … he wondered, “Who is standing against me?  And what are they saying to others?”

Rick didn’t know … and nobody was telling him anything.

When he stood up to preach the following Sunday, he momentarily surveyed the 300-strong congregation that he’d led for 12 years.

He silently asked, “Lord, which of those people is building a case against me?”

When the service was over, Rick stayed at the front to pray with people, but nobody came.

He looked around to see if he could speak with members of the board, but when he went outside, they were all gone.

What were they doing to help their pastor?

Absolutely nothing.

The church had three staff members – a full-time associate and two part-timers – and Rick decided to risk discussing matters at their regular Tuesday meeting.

He asked them if they knew anything about a group in the church that had organized to oppose him.

The associate claimed that he hadn’t heard anything.

The part-timers said that they weren’t close enough to the inner circle.

The pastor told his staff that he hoped he could count on their loyalty in case a conflict broke out.

He reminded them that his future and their futures were intertwined.

Know what the staff that Rick handpicked and championed did to support him?

Absolutely nothing.

Two nights later, the board held their regular monthly meeting.  Chairman Steve began the meeting by reading a letter from the group that opposed the pastor.

They made the following claims about Pastor Rick:

*His messages were too long, sometimes exceeding half an hour.

*He wasn’t approachable on Sundays, an indication he didn’t care about people.

*He seemed to favor the men’s ministry but neglected ministries to women and children.

*He was non-supportive of the local denominational district.

*He failed to give the associate pastor more preaching opportunities.

*He didn’t emphasize church membership enough.

When Steve was done reading the letter, he asked the pastor, “What are you going to do about these accusations?”

Rick felt blindsided … betrayed … and deeply hurt.  Was Steve agreeing with the accusations?

Rick asked, “Who signed the letter?”

It was signed by “The Group.”

In effect, this was an anonymous letter … and pastors are taught to ignore letters that aren’t signed.  (How can they respond to any allegations if they don’t know who made them?)

Rick received a sudden inspiration and asked the board, “What are you going to do about these accusations?”

Thirty seconds into Steve’s four-minute response, Rick knew the answer.

Absolutely nothing.

Two weeks after the board meeting, The Group demanded that the board call a business meeting so they could air their grievances against the pastor.

Steve consulted with the rest of the board, and they scheduled a meeting for the Sunday after Father’s Day.

The Group assigned three people to make public charges against the pastor.

But they didn’t stop with the charges in their letter.  They added many others, including personal attacks upon the pastor’s wife and two teenage children, who were present.

At his breaking point, the pastor stood up to answer the charges, but within thirty seconds, he was shouted down by members of The Group, so he and his family walked out.

Although the pastor assumed he had many friends in the congregation, what did they do to support him that Sunday afternoon?

Absolutely nothing.

The kangaroo court accomplished its purpose.  The pastor knew he couldn’t stay and subject himself and his family to any more abuse.

So he told Chairman Steve that he planned on resigning, but he wanted to know if the board would grant him a severance package.

Steve consulted with the other board members.  Even though the church had more than six figures in a reserve fund, several board members refused to use it to help their pastor support his family.

So when Rick finally resigned, what kind of monetary outlay did he receive for his dozen years of faithful service to Christ?

Absolutely nothing.

Pastor Rick resigned, his heart broken.

His wife had an emotional breakdown.

His children refused to have anything to do with church ever again.

Rick had no job prospects and no hope for the future.

This man who had been called by God to ministry … who had graduated from seminary … and who was ordained to preach the gospel … found his career obliterated.

How much had he tucked away into savings?

Absolutely nothing.

The board at Third Church met to form a search team for a new pastor.

They put together a seven-member team … including three vocal members from The Group.

Two other members from The Group became board members the following year.

And what did the board or staff or congregation do to confront or correct those unruly members?

Absolutely nothing.

The New Testament has much to say about addressing conflict from antagonistic individuals.

Paul named names (like Hymenaeus and Alexander in 1 Timothy 1:19-20).  John fingered Diotrephes (3 John 9-10).

Paul warned the church in Rome (Romans 16:17) to “watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way …”

He warned the church in Corinth in 1 Corinthians 3:16-17: “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?  If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.”

He warned Titus, “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time.  After that, have nothing to do with him.  You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned” (Titus 3:10-11).

There are many other New Testament directives … addressed to church leaders and congregations alike … commanding them to confront and warn divisive individuals and groups.

What did the board do to obey these Scriptures and to protect their pastor’s reputation?

Absolutely nothing.

This church … and thousands like it … forcefully claim they believe in truth and righteousness.

They rail against lies coming from the federal government … but permit lying inside their own church.

They condemn the moral relativism of popular culture … but practice that same relativism inside their own congregation.

They preach reconciliation between God and sinners … but refuse to do anything to bring about reconciliation toward pastors they have abused and slandered.

How much blessing from God can they expect in the future?

Absolutely nothing. 

If church leaders fail to take Scripture seriously … permit malcontents to spread rumors unabated … allow their pastor to be publicly abused … refuse to give him a severance package when he’s forced to resign … and put contentious people into leadership positions … then that church is going in only one direction:

Absolutely nowhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How Anxiety Produces Chaos in Churches

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , on May 12, 2014| 2 Comments »

I did something last Friday that I shouldn’t have done … and hopefully will never do again.

What was it?

At their parents’ request, I picked up two elementary age children from their school … and it was a nightmare.

The father teaches at the school, and the mother had to be away, so they needed someone to watch their boys for the afternoon, and my wife has done it before.

I arrived at the school ten minutes early … but nothing prepared me for the chaos that ensued.

Along with other vehicles, I moved into the left hand lane to turn into the school’s turnaround area.

We didn’t budge for at least 15 minutes.

But some cars began zipping past me on the right.  Where were they going?

The cars drove down the road … made a left … then made a U-turn … and came back toward the school so they could turn right into the parking lot ahead of those of us turning left!

Another woman drove up next to the cars in my line on the right … and then made an illegal U-turn in front of everybody!

It was absolute chaos … and nobody was directing traffic.

I finally turned left into the parking lot … looked everywhere for the boys amid a sea of faces … and couldn’t find them.

So I stopped the car next to the curb … stood up outside to get a better view … and was promptly reprimanded by a school official, who ordered me to get back into my car.

(All I was thinking was, “God, please don’t make me leave the turnaround area and go through that mess again!”)

We finally located the boys … they jumped into my car … and we traveled at a snail’s pace until we came to a fork.

Go right … and you’re stuck in an immovable line of cars making their way back to the street.

Go left … and you drive through some cones blocking the entrance to the street … but it was the quickest way out.

The chaos in that parking lot reminded me of three truisms about church conflict:

First, when people become anxious, they make up their own rules.

Some parents who were trying to pick up their kids didn’t care about propriety … or traffic laws … or taking turns.

So they cut in front of other vehicles … took shortcuts … and put others at risk.

I told the school official about some of the lawbreaking drivers … but the school had no plans to police incoming parents.

When major conflict surfaces in a church, some churchgoers forget they’re Christians and act like pagans instead.

They ignore everything Scripture has to say about conflict.

They spread nasty rumors without verifying their truthfulness.

They join the mob trying to force their pastor to quit.

And in the process, they model chaos for their families … new believers … and unbelievers.

But what’s worse is that it appears as if nobody is in charge.

If conflict ever breaks out in your church, remind people of what Scripture says about conflict resolution … or anarchy may result.

Second, when people become anxious, their focus becomes narrow.

Some parents who were picking up their kids were so intent upon finding their wee ones that they didn’t seem to notice anybody else.

The evidence?  Their selfish driving and lack of consideration.

When we become anxious, we block out the world around us, and focus on what’s troubling us.

Have you ever lost your child inside a store?

You don’t notice the merchandise on the shelves … or the people in your way … because you only have eyes for your child.

And you only expand your horizons when your child has been located.

When a church has a major conflict, people tend to focus on one person: the pastor.

In their minds, he’s either caused the conflict, or hasn’t stopped it … so he’s gotta go.

Anxious Christians fail to ask questions … do any investigative work … or hear from the other side.

They can’t see the bigger picture … that the devil is trying to destroy their congregation … so they join the mob … and the enemy smiles.

If conflict ever breaks out in your church, work hard to get people to see the bigger picture … or your pastor is toast.  

Finally, when people become anxious, they’ll do anything to find relief.

To leave that school in a hurry, some parents will willing to break the law … outrage other drivers … and risk injuries to their children and vehicles.

And when a major conflict surfaces inside a congregation, people … even God’s people … will do almost anything to make the conflict go away.

They don’t want to learn the truth about what’s really happening.

They don’t want to take the right road for resolving issues.

They don’t want to speak to people on both sides.

So they quickly choose a side … usually that of their friends … and lobby for the conflict to end.

And if that means that the pastor’s head rolls … so be it.

If conflict ever breaks out in your church, tell church leaders that you insist they use a biblical process for resolving matters … or hell itself will assume leadership.

If I could pound one thought into the head of every Christian churchgoer about congregational conflict, I’d say this:

When conflict erupts inside your church, apply biblical principles to your situation, and God will honor and bless your congregation.

But if your people make up their own rules … have a narrow focus … and do anything to find relief … a lot of innocent people are going to get hurt.

And God can’t bless your church until your congregation repents and learns what you should have done.

In the meantime, I’m going to avoid school parking lots.

_______________

While I was writing this article, I just hit 70,000 views on my blog.

If you come here from time to time, thanks for reading!

If this is your first time here, I invite you to return.

And if you read my blog regularly, thank you so much for your attention!  I am humbled by the fact you come back again and again.

Remember: I love interaction, so feel free to leave comments.  I strive to respond to all of them within 24 hours.  When it comes to church conflict, we’re all learners.

And if you’d like to chat privately, you can reach me at jim@restoringkingdombuilders.org or check out my website at http://www.restoringkingdombuilders.org

How do I know that anxiety produces chaos in churches?

I’ve written a book about my experiences called Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict.  You can purchase the paperback or e-book from Amazon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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When Your Friends Become Friends with Your Enemies

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , on May 8, 2014| 12 Comments »

Something happened on Facebook recently that distressed me.

One of my friends – a good friend, I thought – became Facebook friends with one of my enemies.

This “enemy” wasn’t someone that I despised, but someone who, let’s just say, is not one of my biggest fans.

Why was I concerned?

Because I didn’t want my “enemy” to influence my friend to stop being friends with me.

You ask, “Jim, that doesn’t happen among Christians, does it?”

Oh, yes, it does … and it’s happened to me a lot over the past few years.

How does this happen?

It’s simple.  Pastors … no matter how hard they try … make some enemies.

Those enemies have friends in the church … and the pastor is often friends with those same people.

A pastor’s enemies are usually vocal.  They’re always trying to explain why they don’t like the pastor … or why they don’t attend their church anymore.

Let me give you an example.

Nearly 20 years ago, a woman demanded that I do something for her, and when I resisted, she went ballistic on me.

She told many people how unhappy she was with her pastor, including a newer believer who was gearing up to start a vital ministry.

The newer believer quit coming to church.  When I went to her house, she refused to come to the door … and her whole family left en masse soon after that.

A friend had now become an enemy.

This kind of thing happens all the time in churches.

Someone is unhappy with the pastor … spreads their discontent to others … and usually finds someone who takes their side.

What do you do when a friend and an enemy become friends?

Do you “unfriend” your friend on Facebook and never speak with them again?

Do you distance yourself from your friend and think, “If you want to be friends with that person, then we are no longer friends?”

Do you contact your friend and demand that he or she “unfriend” your enemy?

These sound like responses an 11-year-old girl would make … but not a mature believer.

Over time, I’ve learned three important lessons about friends befriending enemies:

First, it’s okay for your friends to be friends with your enemies.

I don’t want anyone telling me who I can and can’t have as a friend … and I need to extend that privilege to others.

There are people that I don’t like but my wife adores.

There are people that I like that my wife can’t stand.

And there are people that my friends like who don’t like me.

It is possible for someone to be friends with you and friends with your enemy without being unduly influenced by either party.

This happens to many of us when two friends separate and divorce.  We don’t take one side or the other … we remain friends with both individuals.

We must allow our friends the same courtesy.

Second, real friends stay loyal to you.

If Joe (an enemy) tells Judy (your friend) that you’re a no-good-so-and-so, and Judy ends up siding with Joe, Judy may drop you as a friend.

But what kind of friend was Judy if she’d abandon you like that?

But if Joe tries to persuade Judy that you’re no good, and Judy ends up defending you, Judy has proven to be a faithful friend.

Let’s say that a pastor leads a congregation of 500 people and that he assumes all 500 people are his friends.

But then a rumor flares up that the pastor has stolen money from the church … a rumor that’s totally false … but a rumor some people pounce on to say, “Let’s get rid of the pastor.”

The pastor may think to himself, “Okay, maybe I’ve lost a handful of friends, but 480 people are still loyal.”

But the accusation … whispered through the church … may result in the pastor losing several hundred friends … and even his position.

That’s when the pastor finds out who his real friends are.

Like all pastors, I’ve been accused of various wrongs over the years, and it’s hurtful to watch people I thought were friends walk away … often for good.

But I’ve also discovered that many people have vigorously defended me, even when it’s cost them friendships.

Those people are your real friends.

Finally, your friends may eventually have to choose between you and your enemy.

I have a good friend who was also friends with one of my enemies … although I didn’t know he was my enemy at the time.

Anyway, whenever my friend and my “enemy” got together, the “enemy” delighted in running me down.

Finally, my friend had had it.  He told the “enemy” to stop running me down … and when he wouldn’t stop … my friend stopped being his friend.

I don’t like having enemies.  I don’t want to hate anybody … a response I can control … but some people have chosen to hate me … a response I can’t control.

And when I hear that a friend and an enemy have gotten together, it makes me a little bit nervous.

But we all have to learn to trust people, and to believe that our real friends will defend us and support us no matter what our enemies might say.

I didn’t like most of the music from the late Seventies, but I did like this song by the late Andrew Gold – his only real hit – called Thank You For Being a Friend (otherwise known as the theme to The Golden Girls TV show).

And I dedicate this song to all of my real friends … and want you to know how much I appreciate and love each one of you!

(Choose the first song in the top left corner … and skip the ad.)

https://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=AiyyiGzjjtBgG6oYMxz1f8ybvZx4?fr=yfp-t-901-s&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&p=andrew%20gold%20thank%20you%20for%20being%20a%20friend%20youtube

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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