What should a pastor do when the person leading the music on Sundays isn’t working out, but is someone the pastor loves?
That’s the dilemma I faced in my second pastorate.
Jim was in his mid-70s when I first became a pastor. He chaired the deacons … headed up the search team … and yes, picked me up at the airport.
While he chose me to be his pastor, I did not choose him to be my song leader. I inherited him.
We became friends. We went to ballgames together … served at the rescue mission … and were in frequent contact.
Jim was also the church’s song leader for the Sunday morning and Sunday evening services.
I liked Jim, and he liked me.
After two years, our church merged with a sister church five miles away. Jim remained the song leader … but he was losing it … and I didn’t know what to do.
Jim was an old school song leader. He waved his arms to piano and organ accompaniment. In the mid-1980s, that was bad enough.
But Jim kept choosing the same songs … to the point that we never learned any new music. He frequently sang the wrong words … or stopped singing altogether because he often lost his place.
Worst of all, Jim felt it was his duty to tell jokes between songs … and he kept telling the same bad jokes over and over again. (“Can you be a smoker and be a Christian? Yes … but that will make you a stinking Christian.”)
Those comments didn’t exactly lead the congregation in an enraptured state to God’s throne.
To be kind, Jim was killing our worship times. He wouldn’t let anyone else lead the music. He wouldn’t let anyone else choose songs on Sunday nights.
And God forbid that we would ever use a band!
And yet, Jim was largely responsible for bringing me to the church … he still had influence in the congregation … and he was my friend.
What should a pastor in a similar situation do?
How should a pastor make a move to replace a leader who is no longer working out?
First, the pastor needs to clarify his authority.
Pastors sometimes have far less authority than people think. For example, I intentionally tried not to weigh in on who should lead the women’s ministry. Let the women handle that!
If there was a problem with an adult youth leader, I wanted the youth pastor to deal with that.
While I wanted to stay in touch with each ministry, I didn’t want to run each one, either.
But when it comes to a church’s worship services, everybody expects that the pastor is ultimately in charge. And if the music is getting increasingly worse, the pastor needs to take action.
So in my case with Jim, I already had the authority to do something.
I just needed the courage to use the authority I had.
Second, the pastor needs to elevate ministry standards.
If a leader isn’t performing at the level the pastor expects … and the church requires … then the pastor needs to raise the bar.
The pastor needs to have a conversation with the leader in private. The pastor may also need to create or modify a written position description that describes expectations and benchmarks for success. He can ask the leader he’s struggling with for input as well.
The pastor then needs to say, “I need to see improvement in the areas I’ve specified over the next six weeks or three months. Let’s meet every couple of weeks until the deadline. I want to do everything I can to help you succeed.”
And the pastor needs to inform the church’s governing board that he’s trying to elevate the standards in that particular ministry.
I didn’t have this conversation with Jim, and I’m not sure it would have helped. Because of his age – he was 78 at this point – he would have interpreted any criticism of his ministry as an indication that I was trying to put him out to pasture. In addition, he was more than twice my age, and I’ve always been deferential to my elders (1 Timothy 5:1).
In our case, Jim and I clashed before we had that conversation.
Third, the pastor needs to expect sabotage.
From whom? From the leader the pastor is trying to help.
Sabotage comes in different forms:
*Insubordination: “I am not going to do what you want.”
*Seniority: “I was here long before the pastor … and I’ll be here long after he’s gone.”
*Passive-aggressive behavior: the leader gives the pastor the impression of cooperation but resists making any changes.
*Coalition-building: the leader tells his/her network that the pastor is “trying to remove me from leadership” … hoping that network will support him/her against the pastor.
For this reason, the pastor needs to let the leader know in advance that actual sabotage in any form is grounds for instant removal.
In my case, I asked Jim one Sunday morning if he would sing some songs I had chosen about friendship for that evening’s service.
Jim told me, “Every pastor I’ve ever worked with has always let me choose the songs.” I replied, “That’s fine, but I want us to sing these specific songs this evening.”
Jim refused.
And then he complained to his network that I was trying to curtail his authority.
I did not back down. This was a battle I had to win.
The issue was not, “Which songs are we going to sing tonight?” The issue was, “Who is ultimately in charge of our worship services … as well as our music?”
And the answer has to be, “The pastor.”
Fourth, the pastor usually needs to have a replacement available.
Before the pastor moves to correct a leader, he needs to have someone else available to step in and take the leader’s place … even on an interim basis.
There are exceptions to this rule.
For example, the pastor may not want to remove just the youth pastor … he may also want to blow up the entire youth ministry.
So if he removes the youth pastor from leadership, the pastor may let the youth group flounder for several months.
Why? Because this gives the pastor time to find a new leader … and may rid the youth group of volunteer leaders who aren’t working out.
As I recall, in Jim’s case, we didn’t have another song leader available … but that didn’t make Jim irreplaceable.
We eventually replaced him with a band.
Finally, the pastor needs to be prepared to let the leader – and his network – walk.
Whenever I had a tough conversation with a church leader, I knew from experience that the leader might get their feelings hurt and eventually leave the church.
So if the leader stays and improves, it’s a bonus. But too often, the leader becomes upset, complains to family and friends, and the pastor becomes their enemy.
And for a pastor, losing a leader … and that leader’s network … is painful. In their hearts, pastors don’t want to lose anybody.
But sometimes, leaders block a ministry’s progress, and if they won’t receive correction and initiate improvement, they have to go.
Especially with a ministry as important as music.
With Jim, he invited himself to the next board meeting, where he had not one … not three … but seven complaints to register against me.
The board listened to Jim’s complaints … challenged him on every one … and Jim sensed that they supported their pastor.
The next morning, he called to tell me that he was leaving the church. Sadly, that was the end of our friendship.
And this is why these decisions are so full of conflict for pastors.
On the one hand … here is a leader who has been faithful and effective for a long period of time … even years.
But on the other hand, the leader no longer can take the church where it needs to go, and if they stay in charge of that ministry, it might never improve.
So what should the pastor do?
If the pastor does replace that leader, the pastor may lose the leader’s friendship … the leader may leave the church, along with his/her network … and there is no guarantee that the next leader will be any better.
If the pastor doesn’t replace that leader, that ministry may continue to flounder, the pastor may lose people’s respect … and if this scenario is replicated with other ministries, the pastor may end up leaving instead.
What are your thoughts on this issue?
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Restoring Kingdom Builders 
When Should a Pastor Replace a Leader?
Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged ministry dilemmas, ministry sabotage, pastoral dilemmas, pastors removing church leaders, removing church leaders on October 16, 2013| 6 Comments »
What should a pastor do when the person leading the music on Sundays isn’t working out, but is someone the pastor loves?
That’s the dilemma I faced in my second pastorate.
Jim was in his mid-70s when I first became a pastor. He chaired the deacons … headed up the search team … and yes, picked me up at the airport.
While he chose me to be his pastor, I did not choose him to be my song leader. I inherited him.
We became friends. We went to ballgames together … served at the rescue mission … and were in frequent contact.
Jim was also the church’s song leader for the Sunday morning and Sunday evening services.
I liked Jim, and he liked me.
After two years, our church merged with a sister church five miles away. Jim remained the song leader … but he was losing it … and I didn’t know what to do.
Jim was an old school song leader. He waved his arms to piano and organ accompaniment. In the mid-1980s, that was bad enough.
But Jim kept choosing the same songs … to the point that we never learned any new music. He frequently sang the wrong words … or stopped singing altogether because he often lost his place.
Worst of all, Jim felt it was his duty to tell jokes between songs … and he kept telling the same bad jokes over and over again. (“Can you be a smoker and be a Christian? Yes … but that will make you a stinking Christian.”)
Those comments didn’t exactly lead the congregation in an enraptured state to God’s throne.
To be kind, Jim was killing our worship times. He wouldn’t let anyone else lead the music. He wouldn’t let anyone else choose songs on Sunday nights.
And God forbid that we would ever use a band!
And yet, Jim was largely responsible for bringing me to the church … he still had influence in the congregation … and he was my friend.
What should a pastor in a similar situation do?
How should a pastor make a move to replace a leader who is no longer working out?
First, the pastor needs to clarify his authority.
Pastors sometimes have far less authority than people think. For example, I intentionally tried not to weigh in on who should lead the women’s ministry. Let the women handle that!
If there was a problem with an adult youth leader, I wanted the youth pastor to deal with that.
While I wanted to stay in touch with each ministry, I didn’t want to run each one, either.
But when it comes to a church’s worship services, everybody expects that the pastor is ultimately in charge. And if the music is getting increasingly worse, the pastor needs to take action.
So in my case with Jim, I already had the authority to do something.
I just needed the courage to use the authority I had.
Second, the pastor needs to elevate ministry standards.
If a leader isn’t performing at the level the pastor expects … and the church requires … then the pastor needs to raise the bar.
The pastor needs to have a conversation with the leader in private. The pastor may also need to create or modify a written position description that describes expectations and benchmarks for success. He can ask the leader he’s struggling with for input as well.
The pastor then needs to say, “I need to see improvement in the areas I’ve specified over the next six weeks or three months. Let’s meet every couple of weeks until the deadline. I want to do everything I can to help you succeed.”
And the pastor needs to inform the church’s governing board that he’s trying to elevate the standards in that particular ministry.
I didn’t have this conversation with Jim, and I’m not sure it would have helped. Because of his age – he was 78 at this point – he would have interpreted any criticism of his ministry as an indication that I was trying to put him out to pasture. In addition, he was more than twice my age, and I’ve always been deferential to my elders (1 Timothy 5:1).
In our case, Jim and I clashed before we had that conversation.
Third, the pastor needs to expect sabotage.
From whom? From the leader the pastor is trying to help.
Sabotage comes in different forms:
*Insubordination: “I am not going to do what you want.”
*Seniority: “I was here long before the pastor … and I’ll be here long after he’s gone.”
*Passive-aggressive behavior: the leader gives the pastor the impression of cooperation but resists making any changes.
*Coalition-building: the leader tells his/her network that the pastor is “trying to remove me from leadership” … hoping that network will support him/her against the pastor.
For this reason, the pastor needs to let the leader know in advance that actual sabotage in any form is grounds for instant removal.
In my case, I asked Jim one Sunday morning if he would sing some songs I had chosen about friendship for that evening’s service.
Jim told me, “Every pastor I’ve ever worked with has always let me choose the songs.” I replied, “That’s fine, but I want us to sing these specific songs this evening.”
Jim refused.
And then he complained to his network that I was trying to curtail his authority.
I did not back down. This was a battle I had to win.
The issue was not, “Which songs are we going to sing tonight?” The issue was, “Who is ultimately in charge of our worship services … as well as our music?”
And the answer has to be, “The pastor.”
Fourth, the pastor usually needs to have a replacement available.
Before the pastor moves to correct a leader, he needs to have someone else available to step in and take the leader’s place … even on an interim basis.
There are exceptions to this rule.
For example, the pastor may not want to remove just the youth pastor … he may also want to blow up the entire youth ministry.
So if he removes the youth pastor from leadership, the pastor may let the youth group flounder for several months.
Why? Because this gives the pastor time to find a new leader … and may rid the youth group of volunteer leaders who aren’t working out.
As I recall, in Jim’s case, we didn’t have another song leader available … but that didn’t make Jim irreplaceable.
We eventually replaced him with a band.
Finally, the pastor needs to be prepared to let the leader – and his network – walk.
Whenever I had a tough conversation with a church leader, I knew from experience that the leader might get their feelings hurt and eventually leave the church.
So if the leader stays and improves, it’s a bonus. But too often, the leader becomes upset, complains to family and friends, and the pastor becomes their enemy.
And for a pastor, losing a leader … and that leader’s network … is painful. In their hearts, pastors don’t want to lose anybody.
But sometimes, leaders block a ministry’s progress, and if they won’t receive correction and initiate improvement, they have to go.
Especially with a ministry as important as music.
With Jim, he invited himself to the next board meeting, where he had not one … not three … but seven complaints to register against me.
The board listened to Jim’s complaints … challenged him on every one … and Jim sensed that they supported their pastor.
The next morning, he called to tell me that he was leaving the church. Sadly, that was the end of our friendship.
And this is why these decisions are so full of conflict for pastors.
On the one hand … here is a leader who has been faithful and effective for a long period of time … even years.
But on the other hand, the leader no longer can take the church where it needs to go, and if they stay in charge of that ministry, it might never improve.
So what should the pastor do?
If the pastor does replace that leader, the pastor may lose the leader’s friendship … the leader may leave the church, along with his/her network … and there is no guarantee that the next leader will be any better.
If the pastor doesn’t replace that leader, that ministry may continue to flounder, the pastor may lose people’s respect … and if this scenario is replicated with other ministries, the pastor may end up leaving instead.
What are your thoughts on this issue?
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