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Archive for the ‘Church Conflict’ Category

Lessons from a Dissolved Church

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on November 5, 2014| 2 Comments »

Like many Christians – and non-Christians – I’ve been following recent events at Mars Hill Church in Seattle.

Co-founder and lead pastor Mark Driscoll resigned on October 14 after a formal investigation into charges against him.

Teaching pastor Dave Bruskas just announced that Mars Hill Church will cease to exist organizationally as of January 1, 2015, and that Mars Hill’s satellite churches in four states must decide their own futures.

I have never heard Mark Driscoll speak.  I have never read any of his books.  I know little about the church, and have no special insight into its inner workings.

But from a church conflict perspective, I’d like to share four thoughts:

First, it’s always perilous to build a church around one person.

I admire visionaries … and great Bible teachers … and people who write books … and those who speak with power and forthrightness.

Sometimes, God even enfolds all those qualities into one person.

And when that person uses their gifts, God sometimes blesses them with notoriety … influence … and numbers.

That appears to be what happened with Mark Driscoll.  God seems to have given him “five talents.”

And when you’re blessed with so much, you have a responsibility to use those talents … and to experience God’s blessing.

But not long ago, I heard that Mars Hill was starting a satellite campus in a highly-churched location that I knew.

My initial thought was, “Why are they doing this?  Is there really a need for a satellite church in that community?”

But since the church would also be showing video of Driscoll preaching, I asked another question:

“What if something happens to Mark Driscoll?”

Back in the 1980s, televangelist Jimmy Swaggart produced an ad encouraging churches to buy a satellite dish … so they could watch sermons from Swaggart instead of from their own pastor.

I kid you not.  (What rhymes with Swaggart?)

The ad seemed to communicate, “Why listen to your own pastor when you can watch the charismatic, handsome, anointed, and prophetic Brother Jimmy instead?”

But it wasn’t long afterwards that Brother Jimmy fell into sexual immorality … twice.

Besides emptying out the church he pastored, he would have emptied out all those “satellite” churches as well.

Christ’s body needs hundreds of thousands of gifted teachers, but a select few operate as if we would all be better off if we just listened to them all the time.

And that should always raise a colossal red flag.

Second, it’s counterproductive to prevent churchgoers from speaking with those who have left a church.

Seven years ago at Mars Hill, church leaders fired two staff pastors who protested leadership authority being placed into the hands of Pastor Driscoll and a few close allies.

Then the pastors and elders asked the congregation to shun the two men.

What were the leaders afraid of?

They were afraid that the two staff pastors would share their mistreatment with their network inside the church … that this might make the pastors and elders look bad … and that some people might leave the church as a result.

Which, of course, is the very definition of being divisive, right?

But instituting a “gag order” never works.  It smacks of a cover-up … even if it’s designed to protect the church as an institution.

When people have been dismissed from an organization, they have the right to tell their side of things unless they forfeit that right in writing … often in exchange for a generous severance package … but their story almost always leaks out anyway.

Not long ago, I heard about a church that pushed out their senior pastor.  The church board then announced to the congregation that nobody in the church was to have any contact with the pastor whatsoever.

If I attended that congregation, I’d reach for the phone immediately to discover the pastor’s side of the story … and if he wouldn’t tell me, I’d ask his wife … relatives … friends … you name it … until I knew “the other side.”

And if the leaders told me I’d be sinning by speaking with him, I’d do it anyway and charge the leaders with sinning instead … because most of the time, leaders issue gag orders to prevent God’s people from discovering their own mistakes.

When I was a pastor, people occasionally left the church angrily over something I did or said.  From time-to-time, other churchgoers would approach me and say, “I heard So-and-So left the church.  Is that true?”

If I wanted to, I could have framed the conflict to make me look good … and to make the departing attendees look bad.

But that’s manipulation … and exercising hyper-control … and that kind of behavior is unworthy of a Christian leader.

So I would say, “Why don’t you call them and speak with them directly?”  Few ever left the church after doing so.

When people leave a church, they have the right to share their opinions and feelings … even if they’re perceived as divisive … because they are out from under church control.

And when we let God control the situation, we don’t have to control anything except our own response.

Third, godly leaders eventually admit when they’ve been wrong.

Because they unjustly dismissed those two pastors seven years ago, eighteen pastors and elders from Mars Hill have just published a confession in writing.  They wrote to their former pastors:

“We want to publicly confess our sin against you regarding events that took place at Mars Hill Church back in 2007.  We were wrong.  We harmed you.  You have lived with the pain of that for many years.  As some of us have come to each of you privately, you have extended grace and forgiveness, and for that we thank you.  Because our sin against you happened in a public way and with public consequences, we want to make our confession public as well with this letter.”

The letter continued, “We stood by as it happened, and that was wrong….  [We] put doubt about your character in the minds of church members, though you had done nothing to warrant such embarrassment and scrutiny.  By doing this, we misled the whole church, harmed your reputation, and damaged the unity of the body of Christ.”

As Howard Hendricks used to say, “May their tribe increase.”

Judas regretted betraying Jesus the very night of his treachery.  Peter repented of denying Jesus right after he did it.

But it takes some Christian leaders years before they repent of mistreating God’s leaders … in this case, seven years … but at least they finally did it.

One line stood out for me: “You have lived with the pain of that for many years.”

Truer words have never been spoken.  There are tens of thousands of innocent pastors who are no longer in ministry because of the way they were forced out of their churches … their reputations in tatters … their hearts permanently broken.

But to have those who harmed you contact you and say, “We were wrong … please forgive us” is the very best remedy for restoration.

Because the leaders who push out an innocent pastor rarely repent of their actions, we must commend these men for their humility and courage.

May they serve as examples to thousands.

Finally, conflict can surface and destroy a church at any time.

Last January, 14,000 people were attending Sunday morning worship services at Mars Hill’s main campus.

Ten months later, the church is laying off staff and selling buildings.

Some of the responsibility falls on the shoulders of Pastor Driscoll, who unwisely spent more than $200,000 of church funds to promote a book he wrote.

But sometimes, it’s hard to figure out how these things can happen.

Five years ago this Saturday, I sat in two church meetings and listened to church attendees that I loved charge me publicly with things I never did or said.  My daughter sat next to me the whole time … for 3 1/2 hours.

The charges originated with people who didn’t attend the meetings, and were passed on as gospel truth, even though the charges constituted hearsay.

When the second meeting ended, a veteran pastor … now a top church consultant … walked to the front of the worship center, picked up a microphone, and told the congregation, “You have just destroyed your church.”

I remain dumbfounded as to how quickly the conflict spread throughout the church.  I honestly didn’t sense that anything was wrong until the day the conflict surfaced.

The church of Jesus Christ has specialists who can help a church in conflict: consultants … mediators … interventionists … and peacemakers.

But Jesus’ people are doing a terrible job of preventing major conflict from occurring altogether.

I recently took training from one of the top church conflict interventionists in the United States.  He is in great demand.

I asked him, “Who is trying to prevent these conflicts from happening in the first place?”

He mentioned an organization devoted to preventing conflict that had started two years before … so that’s one.

But we need hundreds more.

If major conflict can occur at a church like Mars Hill … a church that God has richly blessed for years … then it can happen in your church as well.  So remember:

Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are underdoing the same kind of sufferings.  1 Peter 5:8-9

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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When Satan Targets the Pastor

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Pastoral Termination, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , on October 31, 2014| 8 Comments »

 

Today is Halloween.

Five years ago on Halloween … 1826 days ago … my wife and I were attacked by the devil.

I’ve never experienced such powerful spiritual warfare in all my life.

Not every Christian … or Christian leader … believes that Satan is alive and doing his best to negate the advance of God’s kingdom.

But put me down as a true believer.

Jesus believed in Satan.  He told Peter, “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat” (Luke 22:31).

Peter believed in Satan, calling him “your enemy” and comparing him to “a roaring lion.”  His aim is to look for “someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

John believed in Satan.  He states that “the whole world is under the control of the evil one” and that “the Son of God appeared … to destroy the devil’s work” (I John 5:19; 3:8).

Paul believed in Satan.  He told the Corinthians that Satan might try to “outwit us.  For we are not unaware of his schemes” (2 Corinthians 2:11) and that “Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14).

Jesus … Peter … John … Paul.  When it comes to spiritual authority, it doesn’t get any better than that.

Not only did the Son of God and three of his apostles believe in Satan … each one had met the enemy themselves.

Some days fade with time.  But October 31, 2009 will always remain in my consciousness because of what happened spiritually that day.

That Saturday morning, I consulted with two church experts … met with the church board briefly … met with my wife … watched in horror as she was spiritually attacked … called a friend to assist me in praying for my wife … called the paramedics for assistance … called family members for encouragement and prayer … tried to arrange for a special speaker the next day … met with my daughter … then plunged into an emotional abyss.

All on Halloween … the night of our biggest outreach event of the year … normally led by my wife … who was prevented from attending.

A wise Christian leader told me that he receives more calls concerning church conflict in September and October than any other time of the year.

Is this because churches are making financial plans for the next year … or because Satan’s henchmen are turned loose around Halloween?

Let me share with you three ways that Satan attacked my wife and me during our 50-day conflict:

First, Satan sent fear like we had never experienced it before.

We jumped when the phone rang … when we received an email … when there was a knock at the door … and when we opened the mail.

We even felt afraid inside our own house.

The fear was irrational.  We tried praying it away … commanding it away … running away from it by leaving the house … but the fear remained.

Why were we afraid?

Because some people we thought were our friends had turned against us, and we didn’t know who was in what camp.

In most cases, we still don’t.

I know mentally that Jesus defeated Satan on the cross, and that he has only a “short time.”  But all my theology was put to the test during that time span.

The fear was so great that both my wife and I just wanted to vanish.  In a very real way, we had been “negated.”

And I suppose the worst part of all is that we became afraid to have any contact with the people who attacked us … people who had once been our friends.

Fear creates distance … makes you want to flee … harms your psyche … and stabs your heart.

God is not the author of confusion or fear, but those are both Satan’s specialties.

The fear was real but not of God.

Second, Satan incessantly and falsely accused us of offenses we had not committed.

Pastoring has its challenges, but I think being lied about is the worst thing I’ve experienced in ministry.

All my life, I’ve been careful with money … with women … with the truth … and with power.  While I’ve been tempted to do wrong … just as Jesus was … I’m thankful that I’ve resisted the wrongdoing that leads to scandal.

Then suddenly, some people started making allegations about me.  Each one hurt.  And each one was false.

But I didn’t know who was making them … I didn’t have any forum for answering them … and the longer I waited to respond, the more people believed them.

And when the lies reach critical mass, you’re toast, even if you’re innocent of every single charge.

This is a huge flaw inside Christian churches.  When a pastor is accused of various offenses, he has no fair and just process … or forum … to dispel the charges.

And Satan knows this all too well.

This shouldn’t surprise us.  Jesus labeled the devil “a liar and the father of lies.”  Jesus said that “when he lies, he speaks his native language” (John 8:44).

Whenever a pastor who is under attack contacts me, I ask him to tell me about the lies.  They’re always present.

After my wife and I left the church, a torrent of accusations circulated about us, and many people believed them because we weren’t around to defend ourselves.

I’m sure we only heard a few of the charges, but the ones I heard were deeply troubling, and completely malicious.

And nobody had the courage to ask us about those accusations to our faces.

The only way Satan can get rid of a godly, competent, effective pastor is to lie about him.  When the lies are repeated over and over again, people believe them.

And the evil one is behind it all.

Third, Satan sent the conflict in an attempt to destroy our church.

When Jesus speaks to the seven churches of Asia Minor in Revelation 2,3, He mentions Satan by name when speaking to four of the churches.  Satan was working in those fellowships even when believers weren’t aware of his presence.

If you had asked me several weeks before our conflict surfaced if Satan was circulating throughout our congregation, I would have said, “Probably not.”

But I was wrong.

Our church was located in one of the most unchurched parts of the United States.  Our church was the largest Protestant church by far in a city of 75,000 people … and the most we averaged in a single year was 466.

Slowly but surely, the other churches in town had been attacked, and one by one, they either imploded or folded.

In 2009, I suppose it was our turn to be attacked.

But Satan didn’t choose to attack us through city government, or the planning department, or the neighborhood.

No, he chose to attack us from within.

I may be wrong, but I don’t believe that anyone inside the church wanted to ruin my ministry career.  They just wanted me to leave and never return.

But Satan did want to end my career, and because of my age, that’s precisely what happened.

I’ve written this several times before, but I need to say it again:

When professing Christians attack their pastor, they are attacking their church at the same time.

Aim to destroy (not lovingly confront) the pastor, and you will destroy your church.

Good people will leave.  Donations will shrink.  Outreach will stop.  Morale will plunge.  New believers will get hurt.

It will take years to rebuild your church.  Is that what you really want?

A pastor friend who reads this blog told me that he was ousted for no good reason from a church he had served for many years.

Five years later, the church folded.

Who won … Satan or God?

There are two practical keys to defeating Satan’s influence in your church:

First, always tell the truth about spiritual leaders, including your pastor. 

Never overreact.  Never exaggerate what you’ve heard.  Never believe information that can’t be verified.

Stay calm.  Be accurate.  Remain skeptical.

Paul writes in Ephesians 4:25, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

During a major conflict, truth becomes a casualty.  Only the naïve believe the first thing they hear.

Second, never aim to destroy your pastor or your church. 

Don’t hold secret meetings.  Don’t join a mob.  Don’t harm the pastor’s reputation.  Don’t “run him out of the church.”

Watch that righteous anger.  Hang around godly people.  Listen to all sides of the issues.

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 are still in The Book: “Don’t you know that you yourselves [the church] are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?  If anyone destroys God’s temple [the church], God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.”

Destroy God’s church, and God will destroy you.  I didn’t say it … I’m just pointing it out.

My wife and I have not been defeated.  We are still serving God, though not in church ministry.

Because I did not want Satan’s lies to get the last word, I wrote a book about our last church experience called Church Coup.

I stand behind every word that I wrote.  No one has contacted me to challenge anything in the book.

And God has called me to expose Satan’s strategy which can be summarized in 11 words:

Satan seeks to destroy churches by using deception to destroy pastors.

Please … do not let him win in your church.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Reliving the Anniversary of a Church Coup

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged on October 24, 2014| 8 Comments »

Five years ago today, October 24, 2009, I attended a board meeting at the church I had served as pastor for ten-and-a-half years.  The meeting began with a surprising and shocking announcement.

Within fifty days, the senior pastor (me), associate pastor, outreach director (my wife), youth director, and all six board members resigned.  Many others eventually left the church – some quitting church altogether – all stemming from the announcement made at that meeting.

When something triggers my memory, I mentally and emotionally relive that day.

Although I was not guilty of any impeachable offense – and my conscience has been clear on that for five years – that meeting ended up catapulting me out of a thirty-six-year pastoral career.

Because I want to prevent other pastors, church leaders, and congregations from experiencing something similar, I wrote a book about that fifty-day struggle called Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict, published by Xulon in early 2013.

With the benefit of time, formal training, personal study, and conversations with Christian leaders, I’d like to share five cautions for Christians to observe when their pastor is under attack:

Caution One: if you have a personal grievance with your pastor, follow Scripture before you do anything else.

If you’re upset with your pastor personally, don’t tell your friends, pool grievances with others, or seek to have the pastor removed from office.

Instead, follow Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”

In this case, your pastor is your brother.

Personal conflicts with a pastor sometimes spread to the entire congregation because Jesus’ followers fail to obey His directives.

At my wife’s preschool, she tells children who are fighting, “Use your words.”  She has them sit down at a green table and discuss their differences between themselves.  She tells me that so far, in every single case, the children have successfully worked matters out.  They share feelings, say “I’m sorry,” and walk away with matters resolved.

Can Christians learn from preschoolers?

If you do speak with your pastor about a personal grievance, and you’re not satisfied with his response, you can follow Jesus’ steps in Matthew 18:16-17 and 1 Timothy 5:19-21.

But most people who have a personal grievance with a pastor never speak with him directly.  Instead, they share their feelings with others – which is how Satan starts firestorms in churches.

Please: if you won’t discuss your grievance with your pastor personally, then let it go … or leave your church.

But above all: follow Scripture.

Caution Two: you don’t know the real story until you’ve heard the whole story.

I watched the news several days ago about the shootings at the Canadian Parliament in Ottawa.  Some of the initial reports (there were two shooters, one shooter was a member of al Qaeda) proved not to be true.  We’ll learn more about what happened with each passing day.

When a pastor is under fire, the initial accounts you hear may not be true.  If you believe and distribute those reports without solid evidence, you may be responsible for spreading rumors that will hurt people and damage your congregation’s soul.

The only way to know the whole story is to:

*exercise patience

*wait for an official investigation

*hear all sides of the issue

*discount anyone who intends to hurt or punish the pastor

During a conflict, it’s tempting to adopt the viewpoint of your friends so you’ll fit in.  After all, if you disagree too strongly with their views, they might freeze you out from their inner circle.

But if you jump on the “kick out the pastor” bandwagon, you may later be viewed with suspicion as someone who overreacts.  It’s far better to wait for the truth to come out – and that may take months.

Fifteen days after our conflict surfaced, I sat in two meetings of the congregation (totaling three-and-a-half hours) and did not say a word in my own defense. I suppose many people assumed that I was guilty of the charges because I did not respond to them.

But the consultant who was present that Sunday had advised me not to say anything in the meetings, and I promised him I wouldn’t.  If I had spoken up, I could have exposed the entire plot and decimated my critics, but I didn’t.  In fact, I never said one word in any public church meetings in my own defense.

And then I waited more than three years to tell my story in writing.

I wonder … how many people waited for the whole story to come out before hardening their opinions?

Caution Three: insist that church leaders use love first, and only use power when love doesn’t work.

My only secular work experience was at McDonalds, where I worked two (long) years as a teenager.

When the management at McDonald’s wanted the crew to do something, they used threats.

If we stole food, they promised to fire us.  If we stole money, they said they’d prosecute us.

The managers at McDonald’s used power to keep their employees in line, but love wasn’t part of their modus operandi.

However, when I began serving in church ministry, leaders used love to keep staff members in line.  When I messed up, someone spoke to me directly.  They aimed for restoration.  They forgave me when I admitted mistakes.  They would only resort to power if their attempts at love failed … and with me, love always worked.

As a pastor, I served with church boards for twenty-five years, and whenever we had a disagreement, or a board member was unhappy with me, someone would speak to me in love.  We’d discuss matters, resolve the issue, and move on.  Since love worked, power wasn’t necessary.

But in my last ministry, I ran into a board that began to use power first.  They made decisions outside meetings, and then announced them inside meetings without my input or approval.  This had never happened to me before.

I believe that a pastor and a church board should work together.  If the pastor wants to make major changes, he needs to run them through the board first.  If the board wants to make major changes, they need to run them by the pastor first.

But toward the end of my tenure, that didn’t happen.  When board members were unhappy with me, no one sat down and spoke with me in love.

Those tactics sent the church into a spiral.

Paul writes in Galatians 6:1, “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.  But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”

No power moves are mentioned in that verse. If someone – like a pastor – is caught in a sin, God’s Word doesn’t say to punish him harshly.  It says to “restore him gently.”

I never felt any love.  I never sensed any desire for restoration.  I never heard the voice of God coming through their pronouncements.  Instead, I sensed a desire to get even.

It became personal.

The hatred ended my pastoral career and spread throughout the church.  It’s been difficult to recover my heart.

Where was God’s grace?

Several months ago, I attended conflict intervention training with Peter Steinke, who works with mainline churches.  Out of eleven people taking the training, I was the only person with a Baptist background.  At one point, Steinke asked me, “What’s with the Baptists?  They seem to see the pastor as being all good or all bad.”

I don’t have an answer for that.

Caution Four: protect the reputation of your church’s pastor and leaders.

I hear lots of stories of pastors who are pushed out of their churches, usually by the governing board.

These pastors – who have devoted their entire lives to serving Jesus – are petrified that their forced exits will end their pastoral careers.

And humanly speaking, they have good reason to feel that way.

I know a pastor who served his church faithfully for more than twenty years.  After he was forced to resign, vicious rumors started flying around the church about him.

Six months later, when a church showed interest in him as a pastoral candidate, they nearly dropped him from consideration because people from the pastor’s former church called the search team in an effort to smear the pastor’s reputation.

To their credit, the church called the pastor anyway … but that’s often not what happens.  False accusations – which are often feeling-based rather than fact-based – have a way of making the rounds in the Christian community.

Some churches drop a candidate from consideration if they perceive there’s even a hint of failure in his past.  And some forced-out pastors are so devastated by assaults on their character that they assume they’ll never secure another church position.

Pastors are not evil.  Sometimes they’re not matched well with a church or community.  Sometimes they were effective early in their tenure but can’t take the church to the next level.  Sometimes they’re burned out and hanging on for dear life, reluctant to share that information with church leaders because they’re afraid they’ll be instantly dismissed.

But should a pastor be chased out of a church if things aren’t going well?

How do professing Christians harm the reputation of their present or former pastor?

*They attribute false motives to the pastor.

*They naively believe every negative thing they hear about him.

*They disseminate those charges through the telephone and social media.

*They spread rumors and innuendos about the pastor without confirmation.

*They conclude that the pastor is so evil that he needs to leave the church … and maybe ministry altogether.

But these “believers” seem unaware of one basic truth:

When a pastor is attacked from within, the church is attacked as well.  And the being behind that attack is always Satan.

Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5:12, “Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you.  Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work.  Live in peace with each other.”

How does God want believers to act toward their pastors?

“Respect … hold in the highest regard … love … live in peace.”

That’s a far cry from Satan’s strategy: to destroy pastors through deception.

The allegations you spread can ruin a pastor’s life.  Do you want that on your resume?

Caution Five: ask God to show you your part in the conflict, and to make things right with anyone you harmed.

Paul wrote to the church at Corinth in 2 Corinthians 12:20: “For I am afraid that when I come … there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.”  Those words perfectly describe what happens inside a church when a major conflict breaks out.

But how many people, if any, ever repent for their part in causing quarreling, slander, and disorder?

From all my conversations over the years, I can only recall a handful of times when those who collaborated to force out a pastor later apologized to him:

*Four staff members revolted against a pastor I know.  After they all resigned, one staff member sent a letter of apology … seven years later.

*A pastor friend served as an interim at a church where the board had pushed out the pastor.  The board chairman stood up in the congregation and confessed his part in the coup.  The board later extended the pastor’s severance package.

*One of my college professors served as the pastor of a megachurch for many years.  He was eventually forced to resign, but when a new pastor came, he invited the former pastor back and the congregation apologized to him for the way they had mistreated him.

*A pastor recently told me that someone confessed their part in removing him from office … seventeen years after the fact.

Several years ago, I discovered a place online where the names and photos of nearly all my detractors were visible.  They were all connected to one individual who had opposed my ministry for years – Grand Central Station for anyone who didn’t like me.  Didn’t surprise me one bit.

Not one has ever admitted their part in forcing my departure.

May God forgive them all.

Although I’m retired from church ministry, I am reaching several thousands every month through my blogs.  If you enter the words “terminate pastor” into a search engine, mine is usually the top entry on Yahoo’s first page, and I’m on Google’s first page as well.  I reach far more people through writing than I ever did through preaching, which is all God’s doing.

I am content to be where God has placed me.

I know very little about what’s happening at my last church.  I refuse to do to others what was done to me.  I have never spoken with the pastor.  I never visit the website.  I only have twelve friends on Facebook who still attend the church, and we never discuss church happenings.

Those were good years, for the most part.  I wish the church well.

And I pray that church – and your church – will always know God’s peace.

 

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Lessons in Conflict Resolution from Preschoolers

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Please Comment!, tagged , on October 21, 2014| 2 Comments »

“Use your words.”

Several times every week, as I walk through our house that has been turned into a preschool, I hear my wife’s voice, directed toward warring children:

“Use your words.”

One child is playing with a toy … but another child takes it away.  The child who originally had the toy hits the child who took it.  My wife tells them:

“Use your words.”

My wife doesn’t like it when the kids tattle on one another.  If she doesn’t witness an incident, she’s not always sure exactly what happened.  She wants the kids to learn how to resolve matters themselves, so she’ll tell the tattler:

“Use your words.”

There are times when I’ve watched the kids play, and one child will start screaming.  Because we don’t know why she’s upset, my wife will tell the drama queen:

“Use your words.”

She even has a special green table, and when two kids aren’t getting along, she sits them down to work things out and gets things rolling by saying:

“Use your words.”

She wants the children to speak to each other directly … immediately … and calmly.  When they do that, she says matters are resolved every single time.

Jesus said something similar:

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”

What is Jesus saying?

“Use your words.”

When another Christian takes your toy … or you’re tempted to tattle to the pastor on them … or you feel like screaming at them … go the green table and:

“Use your words.”

Talk to the person who hurt you directly … just between the two of you … rather than involving others.

Talk to them immediately … rather than avoiding them for a long time … which only makes matters worse.

Talk to them calmly … rather than escalating matters … because a quiet tone defuses anxiety.

Jesus says, “Don’t yell at them.  Don’t sock them.  Don’t throw something at them.”  Instead:

“Use your words.”

When churches are in conflict … when pastors and staff members don’t get along … when the church board is upset with the pastor … Jesus says:

“Use your words.”

Sometimes, Christians do use words, but they speak harshly … rashly … deceptively … fearfully.  When you’re on the receiving end of such words … and we all are at times … Jesus tells us to express ourselves this way:

“Use your words.”

I read an article yesterday about Frank White, the great second baseman for the Kansas City Royals in the 1970s and 1980s.

Nine years ago, White was managing for the Royals in the minor leagues, and a vacancy opened up for the team’s major league managerial position.

Frank White really wanted that job.

The team offered it to somebody else, and it bothered Frank White … a lot.

The same thing happened three years later.

The team eventually asked him to be a color commentator on team broadcasts, which he did for several years.  He also did community service for them.

Then they reduced his community service salary by 2/3 … and fired him from the broadcast booth the following year.

After all Frank White had meant to the Royals, it hurt.

The Royals and Frank White have been estranged ever since.  He wrote in his recent autobiography, “You’ll never see me in that stadium again.”

But with the Royals going undefeated in the playoffs, and playing in their first World Series in 29 years this evening (against my Giants), White has been back to Kauffman Stadium three times recently.

In fact, the team invited him onto the field to join other members of the Royals Hall of Fame before Game 3 of the Championship Series … but White declined.

It’s one thing to visit the stadium as a fan … and another thing to stand on the field as a valued former player.

Frank White has taken a step toward reconciliation by visiting the stadium.  The team took a step forward by inviting him onto the field.

Personally, I think the team has to make the next move.  They were the ones who reduced his salary and then pushed him out.  They need to offer more than just standing on the field with others.

But if there’s going to be a solution to the estrangement between White and the Royals, it’s the same solution that Jesus recommended to estranged disciples twenty centuries ago:

“Use your words.”

If three-year-olds can go to the green table and work things out with their words, why can’t pastors, staff members, and church boards do the same?

 

 

 

 

 

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Churches Need Healthy Immune Systems

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Fighting Evil, Please Comment!, tagged , , on September 16, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Someone recently sent me a notice stating that a church volunteer who worked with youth had been arrested for having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a minor.

The person who sent me the notice knows both the church and the volunteer and said that a key staff member had been warned about this particular volunteer but chose to take no action.

Every church deals with potential intruders that violate healthy boundaries.  In his book Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, Peter Steinke lists the following common boundary violations in churches:

*accusing someone without reasonable cause or without initially talking to the accused

*disregarding guidelines, policies, and procedures

*humiliating people publicly or privately

*using verbal pressure to intimidate

*holding others hostage by threats or demands

*enlisting others to attend secret meetings

*labeling others with emotionally-packed words

*speaking on behalf of others, as if they know what the other is thinking

*telling different accounts or sharing different information, depending upon the hearers

*attaching fear to issues to control others

These behavioral “viruses” are constantly trying to invade congregations, which is why every church needs a strong immune system.

Steinke writes:

“Everyone’s body is equipped with proof of identity – that is, cells in our body have the same chemical combinations.  It’s as if they wear identical costumes.  Viruses also have a distinct chemical costume.  The immune system keeps cells that are bona fide residents separate from illegal aliens.  In immunology terminology, the immune system learns to distinguish ‘self’ from ‘nonself.’  Once an intruder is spotted, the immune system compares it against the rogues’ gallery of known pathogens.  If tipped off by resemblances, the immune system arrests and eliminates the intruder.  Sorting out self from nonself, the immune system says: ‘Red blood cells, good guys.  Skin cells, part of us.  Okay.  Virus … no good.  Toe.  Keep.'”

Steinke says that just as we find intruders in the human body, so we find intruders in churches:

“Lacking self-regulation, these individuals may act where they have no authority, say things that have no ground in truth, complain to everyone else except those who can do something about the situation, or place themselves in a position to control the nomination process.”

Steinke then compares the body’s immune system to immune systems in churches.  Usually the immune system is composed of a few key leaders who:

*serve as sentinels and provide the frontline of defense.

*sense when something is out of balance or troubling.

*see things firsthand and possess knowledge not widely known.

*realize that if something isn’t done, the church could pay a heavy price.

*constitute the “first responders” and sometimes must work hard for others to believe them.

After 36 years in church ministry, I’ve discovered that a congregation’s immune system may reside inside:

*the pastor.

This is especially true when a church is small.

During my first nine years as a pastor, when the church body was invaded by a violator, I was usually the one who initially addressed the issue and sought the help of other leaders.  While I didn’t like dealing with invaders, I knew what could happen if someone in authority failed to act as an immune system.

Most pastors cannot function as an immune system by themselves, but they may be the only ones who can point out the violations and the dangers of not acting.

*the official church board.

Most churches are as healthy as their boards.

In one church I pastored, the chairman and I made joint decisions on how to handle intrusions, and the church stayed healthy for years.

In another church I pastored, the chairman didn’t work with me.  One time, we had an inappropriate intrusion into our body, and I asked the chairman to write a letter and deal with the issue.  The letter he wrote was so incoherent that it wasn’t sent … and the body quickly became ill.

*a staff member.

I know a megachurch where a single staff member serves as the immune system for the entire staff.  He stays in touch with everyone … investigates any charges against staff members … and has earned the authority to make decisions regarding staff.  Not surprisingly, he’s been the pastor’s right-hand man for years.

*an individual of great wisdom and stature.

If someone had asked me during my last pastorate where the church’s immune system was located, I would have said, “The church board.”  And for much of my time there, that’s where the immune system was located.

But it took me a long time to realize that one individual in particular (a former board member I’ll call Robert) really activated the immune system.

One time, I was having trouble with a staff member who was resisting making changes we had both agreed upon.  The staff member was engaged in passive-aggressive behavior and modeling resistance.  It looked like an invasion of the body was imminent.

I called upon Robert, and we worked together to bring the body back to health.  But I couldn’t have done it alone … and he probably could have done it by himself!

But when Robert and his wife moved away, he took the church’s immune system with him, and the body was ripe for invasion.

It’s not any fun being a key part of a church’s immune system.  Dealing with invasions of the body is a behind the scenes, thankless task.

But every healthy church has a healthy immune system, usually composed of several individuals.

Who composes the immune system in your church?

 

 

 

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Playing Politics in Our Churches

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on September 12, 2014| 2 Comments »

Most churchgoers have no idea what really goes on behind-the-scenes at the average church.  What really happens in meetings of the board and staff?  How many decisions are really made on the basis of Scripture and prayer?  How do the key leaders really behave when they’re immersed in a crisis?

When I first joined a church staff – and later when I became a pastor – I was horrified at how many decisions in a church were made on the basis of politics, pure and simple.  I was shocked because I thought Christian leaders would make spiritual decisions rather than political ones.  While I have been in churches where the leaders truly “walked the walk” in every situation, I have also been in churches where the leaders seem to forget they’re in a church.

The best illustration in the Bible of politics in action occurs when the Sanhedrin sent Jesus to Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor.  Let me share with you five political strategies that Pilate used that I have seen used in local churches:

First, politicians succumb to outside pressure.  When Jesus was first brought before Pilate, the Jewish leaders accused Him of “subverting our nation.  He opposes payment of taxes to Caesar and claims to be Christ, a king” (Luke 23:2).  In other words, Jesus was accused of trying to overthrow Rome.  But after Pilate initially questioned Jesus, he told His accusers, “I find no basis for a charge against this man” (Luke 23:4).  And yet, when Jesus’ countrymen continued to accuse Him of stirring up the people, Pilate lost his nerve and backed down.

In my first pastorate, the board chairman asked me to take action over a theological issue involving two of his family members.  After I researched the issue, I presented relevant materials to the board in a three-hour meeting, after which we made a unanimous decision.  When I tried to explain our decision to the family members, they threatened to leave the church and demanded a personal apology.  When I asked the board for support, they flipped on me and told me to apologize, but I refused.  I reminded them that we had made a decision together based on Scripture, but that didn’t matter to them.

While politicians wilt when pressured, spiritual leaders stand strong.

Second, politicians avoid the tough calls.  Dr. Luke tells us that when Pilate heard that Jesus was a Galilean, he sent Jesus to see the ruler of Galilee, King Herod, who was visiting the Holy City for Passover.  Pilate hoped that Herod would make a decision about Jesus’ fate that would take the Roman governor off the hook, but Herod merely ridiculed Jesus and sent him back to Pilate.

I once was informed about some inappropriate material on the social networking site of an important person in my church.  I consulted with that person’s supervisor who promised to address the issue, but months later, the objectionable material was still there.

While a politician prefers not to confront a friend, a spiritual leader seeks that person’s repentance and restoration.

Third, politicians scapegoat innocent people.  Which crimes had Jesus committed against Rome?  He hadn’t committed any.  Pilate twice confessed that Jesus was innocent of all the charges hurled His way (Luke 23:4, 14), but instead of exonerating and then releasing Him, Pilate decided to punish Jesus (by beating) before releasing Him.  Why?  This is what His vocal constituents demanded even though Jesus was blameless before the law.  Rather than declaring Jesus completely innocent, Pilate declared Jesus partly innocent.

I know a church where the pastor resigned because a member of his family was accused of a crime they didn’t commit.  No one in that church moved a finger to right the wrong – until the new pastor came.  When he heard the truth, he arranged for the former pastor to return.  In public, those who falsely accused the pastor admitted their error, the church asked his forgiveness for permitting a grave injustice, and the pastor and church experienced a liberating reconciliation that allowed both parties to move on with God’s blessing.

While politicians apportion blame for conflicts indiscriminately, spiritual leaders apportion blame accurately.

Fourth, politicians don’t seek divine wisdom.  With the Sanhedrin breathing down his neck, Pilate did not seek guidance from Scripture, or a prophet, or prayer.  God tried to speak to him through a dream that He gave Pilate’s wife (Matthew 27:19), but Pilate brushed off the message.  He was used to making unilateral decisions based on Roman interests + common sense, but both of those touchstones failed him at this juncture.  Had he only looked above instead of around … history might have judged him differently.

I have been all too many board meetings where the board members – who have been chosen primarily because of their walk with God – never even consider consulting God when they get stuck on an issue.  They don’t quote Scripture or turn to key passages.  They don’t stop the meeting to consult with the Lord in prayer.  I have even been in meetings where the meeting wasn’t opened with prayer.  It’s like the Lord isn’t even there.  Board members just discuss issues using worldly wisdom but never truly seek the Lord’s mind on anything.

While politicians consult exclusively with their peers or constituents, spiritual leaders initially seek the Lord’s face on everything.

Finally, politicians want to look good.  They care more about their image than their character.  They care more about how they appear to others than how they appear to God.  John makes a profound statement about many of the Jewish leaders who believed in Jesus but would not confess Him openly: “For they loved praise from men more than praise from God” (John 12:43).

Stuart Briscoe from Elmbrook Church in Wisconsin is one of my all-time favorite preachers.  I once heard him make this simple but profound observation: “Most people want to feel good and look good.  They don’t want to be good and do good.”

While politicians are primarily concerned with feeling good and looking good so they can be re-elected, spiritual leaders care more about being good and doing good – even if that means they’re one-termers.

If we’re serious about wanting God’s blessing on our churches, if we truly wish to obey God’s Word, if we want to impact our communities for Jesus, if we want to see revival in our time – then we need to stop making decisions in our churches purely on the basis of politics and start making decisions on the basis of righteousness instead.

 

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Emotional Reactivity in the Church

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on September 10, 2014| Leave a Comment »

You’re in the fast lane on the freeway.

A car going 25 mph faster than you’re going crosses four lanes and cuts in front of you, forcing you to brake suddenly.

You’re rightfully furious.

How should you handle things?

You’re walking around at home without shoes.

You accidentally stub your toe on an immovable bookcase.

You’re in mortal pain.

How should you handle things?

You’re sitting in a worship service waiting for the pastor to begin preaching.

The pastor announces that a staff member … a close friend of yours … has resigned.

You’re positive she was forced out … and you’re angry.

How should you handle things?

The typical way we humans handle anxiety is to react emotionally.

We swear at the driver who cut us off.

We scream when we stub our toe.

We blurt out, “Noooooooo!” when our friend resigns.

We react automatically … instinctively … reflexively … and immediately.

And often … mindlessly.

God has wired us for self-preservation, so when we feel threatened, or sense that an injustice has been done, we act naturally … and sometimes foolishly.

Several weeks ago, an 18-year-old young man was shot and killed by a policeman in Ferguson, Missouri.

Many local residents reacted by protesting and marching … but some … including members of the press … pronounced the policeman guilty even though they have no idea what really happened.

The American justice system does not permit citizens to take justice into their own hands, and for good reason.  Better to let a grand jury hear the evidence and return with a possible indictment several months later.

Why?

Because when we’re emotionally reactive, we can’t think straight.  We’re focused on the way we and others feel.  We’re not thinking process … we’re thinking relief.

And reactivity usually leads to greater reactivity … and that’s how wars start.

Several weeks ago, I attended a training session for Bridgebuilder, a church conflict intervention process designed by Dr. Peter Steinke.

During the course of the training, Dr. Steinke made two observations that especially intrigued me.

Observation #1: Steinke said that when a pastor is doing something that bothers or upsets church decision makers, the pastor needs to be confronted and given time to make changes.

(This does not refer to heresy, sexual immorality, or a felony).

How much time?

Steinke says the pastor should be given 12 to 15 months to make changes, and if he hasn’t made them by then, he should be asked to resign.

But in evangelical circles, pastors are often fired outright or asked for their resignation without any kind of formal confrontation and without any corrective process.

Why does this occur so often?

Because the governing leaders … sometimes in collaboration with staff members and/or a faction … can’t tolerate their anxiety.

So they resort to emotional reactivity, and then they’re shocked when the pastor protests his dismissal, or the pastor’s supporters become angry and leave the church en masse.

And when this happens, those same leaders often resort to lying to cover up their mistakes … and to scapegoat the departing pastor.

If the governing leaders of your church want to blow it to smithereens, then force out the pastor without speaking to him directly and without using any kind of deliberate process.

It’s guaranteed: the emotional reactivity of the governing leaders will lead to emotional reactivity in others … and negatively impact your church for years.

Observation #2: Steinke says that when a church is in conflict, he recommends that they engage in a 2-4 month process to work through the issues … which is what Bridgebuilder is all about.

Rather than making instant decisions that will harm many people, it’s crucial that God’s people take time to move from emotional reactivity to rational reflection … as hard as that process may be.

Seventeen years ago, I was pastoring a fantastic church.  Over the previous five years, we had experienced virtually no internal conflict.  If people didn’t like something, they just left.

But we eventually had to move our Sunday service from one location to another five miles away, and in the process, we lost 1/3 of our congregation … and their donations … overnight.

The stress started taking its toll on several leaders who were involved with finances.  A key couple left the church, and soon after, another key couple stayed home one Sunday, which they didn’t normally do.

The uncertainty of our situation made me extremely anxious.  Was our congregation about to unravel?

I confided in a wise Christian leader, and he told me, “Jim, it’s too soon to know what’s going to happen.  You need to let this play out.”

He was right.  The more anxiety I demonstrated, the more anxious I made everybody else.

If you’re experiencing conflict in your church … your workplace … or your home … there are two ways you can manage matters.

You can react instinctively … move quickly … and try and find instant relief.

Or you can respond wisely … devise a deliberate process … and work the process until most people agree upon solutions.

The arrest … trials … passion … and crucifixion of Jesus took less than a total of ten hours.  Those who executed Jesus have been castigated and pilloried for twenty centuries.

If the Jewish and Roman authorities had taken more time, would they be viewed any differently by history?

Think about it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Ten Insights Concerning Church Conflict

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on September 4, 2014| Leave a Comment »

How would you like to receive top-notch training from an expert you respect and admire?

That’s what happened to me last week when I flew to Minneapolis and received 14 hours of training in church conflict from veteran congregational consultant Peter Steinke.  He’s the author of several books, including Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, one of my top five favorite books on church conflict.

Steinke has engaged in congregational interventions over 27 years.  He’s been involved with 217 churches/Christian entities encompassing 16 states and 8 denominations.

And from his experiences working with churches, he’s created a process for helping churches in crisis called Bridgebuilder.

Steinke presented case studies … worked his way creatively through a syllabus … and made lots of offhand remarks, many of which I wrote down verbatim.

Here are ten insights concerning church conflict that I found fascinating and that I thought you might benefit from.  They aren’t in any particular order.

Insight #1: “When you replace a music director, you sign your death warrant.”

Why is this?  Because many people become emotionally attached to the staffer who leads them to God’s throne in worship.

And if a pastor or a board tries to force out that person and put someone else in their place, things can become very unpredictable.

Insight #2: “People engage in sabotage when they are losing control.”

How many times have you witnessed this experience?

A board member … staff member … key leader … or opinion maker is unhappy with a decision made by the pastor.  The pastor meets with them … listens to their concerns … explains his position … and concludes the meeting in prayer.

Then that unhappy person immediately goes out and begins to undermine the pastor using threats, demands,  and complaints.

Why?

Because the pastor seems to be in control … and the discontented person senses they’re not.

Insight #3: “Getting rid of a pastor won’t solve the [presenting] problem.  The problem is within the system.”

It is common for some people in a church to think, “We’re having problems because of our pastor.  If we get rid of him, this church will be far better off.”

This kind of thinking … borne out of anxiety … is counterproductive.  Many churches have built-in patterns that cause them to go off the tracks.  Those issues must be identified, faced, and resolved.

But if they aren’t, the next pastor … and the next one … and the next … may all be sent packing because the real issues haven’t been addressed.

Insight #4: “Peace is often preferred over justice.”

During a conflict situation, churchgoers just want the conflict to end, even if the pastor … staff members … or others are treated shabbily.

The mature congregation says, “We’re going to aim for justice, so we’re going to devise a process, take some time, and handle this wisely.”

The immature congregation says, “We just want peace, so we’re going to ignore processes, take shortcuts, and get this over with quickly.”

Insight #5: “It’s better for people to leave than go underground.”

When a major conflict surfaces in a church, there are going to be losses in attendance and donations and volunteers, no matter which choices are made.

When people leave the church for good, there is closure for everyone involved, painful though it may be.

But when people start meeting and plotting in secret, they’re prolonging and intensifying the conflict … and there’s going to be some form of implosion.

Insight #6: “The consultant is responsible for the process, not the outcome.”

Steinke says that when prospective congregations ask him about his success rate with interventions, he answers, “100%.”

He believes he’s been successful when he works the process he’s devised, which is his responsibility.

But the outcome of his intervention?  That’s the responsibility of the congregation and its leaders.

For this reason, he doesn’t make recommendations to churches in conflict, but gets them to make their own recommendations.

Insight #7: “The top trigger for conflict is money.”

Steinke says these are the top 7 triggers for conflict in churches: money, sex, pastor’s leadership style, lay leadership style, staff conflict, major traumas/transitions, the change process.

Just my own observation: when money becomes the bottom line in a church, it becomes an idol, and God is relegated to second or seventh or tenth place.

But when God is first, money takes its rightful place.

But when giving goes down … or doesn’t meet budget … some leaders/people become anxious, and instead of turning to God, they try and control the money even more.

The result?

Conflict.

Insight #8: Conflicts in churches increasingly revolve around the change process.

Steinke said that 42 of the last 47 interventions he’s done … nearly 90% … have to do with change.

Many pastors feel that all they have to do is announce a change and it will automatically happen.  Once they’re convinced, they assume others will be as well.

But people need time to process change … ask questions … share feelings … and seek clarification.

When they’re not given those opportunities … conflict results.

Insight #9: During public meetings, there will be no verbal attacking, blaming, or abusing of others tolerated.

During his interventions, Steinke gives church attendees opportunities to speak publicly about how they feel about the conflict.

But they are not allowed to begin their sentences with “You,” but must make “I” statements instead.

If people violate this rule, Steinke reiterates it and expects people to abide by it.

If only we’d had this rule during all those business meetings my churches had over the years …

Insight #10: The consultant focuses on working the process, not on changing others, alleviating their anxiety, or giving them answers.

When Steinke goes into a church situation, he focuses on his role and reactions, not those of others.  He tries to remain a “non-anxious presence.”

Once again, the consultant’s job is not to analyze the church and fix everything, but to work a predetermined process that causes a church’s members to discuss and affect their own outcome.

After attending Bridgebuilder, I am now qualified to offer it to congregations in conflict.  If you know a church that might benefit from this process, please send them my way.

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Two Scary Verses on Church Conflict

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged on August 20, 2014| 3 Comments »

It is possible to read the New Testament dozens of times and yet miss the clear meaning of certain verses.

For years, I missed these two:

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?  If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.”

These words of Paul from 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 sound like they come from the Old Testament: “If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him.”

What is God’s temple in this context?

God’s temple is a local church.  (The terms “you yourselves” and “you” in verse 16 are both plural.)

What’s Paul saying?

That anyone … believer or unbeliever … who destroys a local church will be destroyed by God Himself.  (Sounds like a guarantee, doesn’t it?)

Wow.

God’s Spirit lives among His people.  God’s church is sacred.

Therefore, if an individual or a group destroys a local church, God promises to destroy them.

How many times can you recall hearing anyone preach this text?

I’m not aware that I’ve ever heard any preacher or teacher highlight or explain these verses … but they are there all the same.

What’s the most common way of destroying a congregation?

That’s easy: attack the pastor until he’s forced to resign.  Gary Pinion writes in his book Crushed: The Perilous Side of Ministry:

“Spiritual leaders are prime targets in these last days.  The Bible tells us that if you strike a shepherd, the sheep will scatter.  Entire congregations can be wiped out with a single blow to one shepherd.  For this reason they are the number one public enemy on Satan’s hit list…. Corresponding with this gigantic loss of shepherds, new studies are also providing growing evidence of a great loss of churches.  A study in Exit Interviews by Hendricks shows the appalling results of the loss of ministers: there are now 53,000 people leaving churches weekly who are not coming back.  George Barna’s research sadly declares that we are losing one percent of our churches in America every year, as godly warriors depart from the battle arena.  As shepherds leave, sheep leave.”

Pinion then quotes a woman whose congregational experienced major conflict:

“The conflict resulted in the pastor being forced to leave.  Because of this decision, the people who supported the pastor left the church.  The church attendance was reduced to half, relationships were severed, weekly income was drastically cut, and various ministries in the church were forced to disband.  The church became known in the community as a place of power struggles, fighting and discontent.  I could go on and on.”

The latest statistic I’ve run across is that 4,000 churches close down every year in the United States.

Let’s acknowledge that a small percentage of pastors may contribute to the destruction of a church through domination, intimidation, manipulation, or retribution.  Some pastors have behaved so badly that they have almost singlehandedly wiped out a church they’ve pastored.

But the great majority of the time, churches are destroyed by lay powerbrokers who want to limit their pastor’s authority so they can expand their own influence and that of their friends.

If I disagreed with something my pastor was doing or saying, I would make an appointment and speak to him lovingly and directly.

If he didn’t agree with me, I would either stay and support him or leave the church … without taking anybody with me.  (Division in a church begins when people pass on their personal complaints to others.)

Based on the entire tenor of the New Testament … and specifically 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 … I would never want to do anything to destroy a church that Jesus is building in a particular community.

But if I found out that I had contributed to a church’s destruction, I would repent immediately … or else be wondering constantly when God was going to take me out.

These verses don’t specify how God chooses to destroy a church destroyer.  His wrath could be exhibited in this life (primarily for a believer) or in the next life (possibly for an unbeliever).

But however God decides to deal with someone, He has an infinite number of punishments at His disposal.

If you’re a lay leader in a church … maybe a board member, or a deacon, or a ministry team leader … I beg you: be very, very careful how you treat and speak of your pastor.

Pastors are not infallible.  They make mistakes.  And when they mess up, they need to be graciously and truthfully confronted.

But you should always aim for their restoration and redemption, never their punishment and destruction.

Remember Paul’s phrase: “If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him.”

Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

That’s exactly how God intended for it to sound.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Churchill, Frodo, and Church Conflict

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Fighting Evil, Please Comment!, tagged , , on August 8, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Winston Churchill is one of my few heroes.

Trip to London Oct. 6-13, 2008 746

When Time named their Person of the Century in 1999, they gave the award to Albert Einstein, truly a great man in a century dominated by scientists.

Trip to Virginia April 27-28, 2010 568

But without Churchill, we might be living under a Nazi flag.

I’ve had the privilege of visiting some Churchill sites, including Blenheim Palace (his birthplace and boyhood home) in England, the nearby churchyard in Bladon (his final resting place), and the underground Cabinet War Rooms in London, from where he coordinated the British fight against Hitler’s Germany.

IMG_0070IMG_0151Trip to London May 15-21, 2009 054Trip to London May 15-21, 2009 079

Right now, I’m reading William Manchester’s second volume on Churchill entitled The Last Lion: Alone 1932-1940, and I’m continually drawing parallels between the way Sir Winston viewed the Nazis and the way churches deal with antagonists.

The First World War was horrendous, resulting in 885,138 combat deaths for England and 2,050,897 deaths for Germany – not counting wounded soldiers.  When the Allied Powers drew up the Treaty of Versailles in 1919, they threw the book at Germany, demanding financial reparations totaling $442 billion in today’s currency (Germany made their last payment on October 4, 2010), forcing them to disarm, and making them take full responsibility for the war.

While the German leaders at the time tried to cooperate, Hitler and his cronies began their slow rise to power.  Hitler telegraphed much of what he did – through his autobiography Mein Kampf, his speeches, and various interviews.

After he became Chancellor of the Reich in 1933, Hitler charmed diplomats from countries like England, assuring them that he was rebuilding the German military only for defensive purposes.  Still gun-shy 15 years after the end of World War 1, the nations of Europe – and their leaders – chose to believe him.

All the while, Hitler was training young men to be soldiers, cranking out munitions at a non-stop pace, and putting together a top-flight air force, the Luftwaffe.

There were British citizens inside Germany who knew exactly what Hitler was doing.  But when they sent their data to the Foreign Office in London, they chose to ignore the facts, convincing themselves that Hitler’s military buildup had no relevance for England.

But Churchill knew better.

While still a member of the House of Commons, Churchill had been banished from any top leadership posts in His Majesty’s Government.  Whenever he rose to speak in the House, his views were ridiculed because he was relegated to being a Backbencher.

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But Churchill had a friend who lived near his Chartwell home who consistently delivered hard data about the Fuhrer’s real intentions.  Churchill had to be careful with the information because if he shared too much in public, politicians and journalists would demand to know where he obtained it.

Let me share with you four parallels between how England viewed Hitler and how many churches view conflict:

First, most people are conflict-avoiders.  The British did not wish to fight any country so soon after the Great War, a conflict that the United States entered late in the game.  And even when Hitler conquered Poland and bombed London, our country publicly remained isolationist.  (We didn’t officially enter World War 2 until Pearl Harbor.)

Most of us act the same way.  If there is a conflict in our family, we avoid it as long as we can.  If there is a shouting match between politicians on television, we turn the channel.  And if there is conflict at church, we look the other way or deny that it’s happening.  After all, we reason, it’s not my fight.

The truth is, even if it is our fight, we’ll do almost anything not to fight – and that emboldens certain people.

Second, there are usually signs that conflict is brewing.  The increasing number of German soldiers and munitions – along with the expelling of Jews – was a clear indication that something ominous was about to occur on the Continent.  Conflict almost never erupts without warning.  Those whose eyes are open can usually connect the dots.

During the message time at our church yesterday, we saw a video interview of a father and mother.  Their son had been acting strangely but they had no idea what was wrong.  As it turned out, he was on drugs, eventually taking both ecstasy and heroin.  The signs of drug usage were there, but this couple – who prided themselves on having a harmonious, loving family – refused to admit that their son could be involved with any mind-altering substances.

Denial in the face of evil can lead to destruction, not life.

Something similar happens in church life.  We don’t want to believe that the pastor is immersed with pride, or the youth pastor is getting too close to that Jr. High girl, or that board member has destructive intentions.  While the warning signs are there, we don’t act on them.

If the problem is within your authority, deal with it as soon as possible, using Matthew 18:15-20 as a guide.  If the problem lies within someone else’s purview, inform them quickly.  If you see something that concerns you, speak up and take action!  Delay leads to defeat, not victory.

Third, call evil for what it is.  The first time I heard about Adolph Hitler was when I was five years old.  (Hitler had committed suicide only fifteen years earlier.)  The atrocities he committed were still fresh on everyone’s mind, bolstered by The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by journalist William L. Shirer in 1959 (the longest book I’ve ever read besides The Bible).

When I entered fourth grade, our class saw a lot of newsreels of Hitler.  We saw him making speeches.  We saw the torchlight parades in Nuremberg.  We saw the Nazis burning books (at what is now a peaceful little park in East Berlin, shown in the photo below) and the Jews being fed into ovens.  We saw images of evil that never left my innocent little brain.

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And much to the credit of my teachers, we learned how Hitler came to power, fooled his own people, and disguised his true intentions to the world.

In other words, we learned how to detect evil before it openly surfaced.

Please hear me: evil isn’t confined to dictators.  You will find evil in churches, too.  And not just evil actions; people can be evil.

How can you tell who they are?

They never admit they do anything wrong.  They blame all problems on other people.  They disguise their real intentions and lie about others – especially leaders.

Their ultimate goal?  The destruction of church leaders so THEY can be in control and call the shots.

Scott Peck wrote about such people in his book People of the Lie.  It’s a chilling read.  Lloyd Rediger has also written about such people in his book Clergy Killers.

Hitler was evil.  Sadly, a handful of church people are evil, too.  I hope no one like that is in your church, but evil people have been known to infiltrate churches.

I’ve met a few.  Have you?

Finally, Christians have to be willing to fight evil.  Whenever Hitler bombed London, businessmen and families headed for shelter, especially in the depths of the British subway system known as the Tube.  They ran from evil.

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But the British war planes couldn’t hide in the Tube.  It was their job to take on evil – and they did so nobly.  We might not be living in a free country if the British hadn’t confronted Nazi evil in their own backyard.

No Christian should go looking for evil in a church.  Churches have enough hyper-critics.  But when evil rears its ugly head, and it’s obvious there are people bent on destroying the pastor or other leaders, evil must be resisted – and defeated.

Evil cannot be appeased.

A few weeks ago, I caught The Two Towers – the second film in The Lord of the Rings trilogy – on television.  At the end of the film, as Frodo is nearly possessed by the ring’s evil, he says, “I can’t do this, Sam.”  In what is probably my favorite speech in any movie, Sam replies:

“I know.  It’s all wrong.  By rights we shouldn’t even be here.  But we are.  It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo.  The ones that really mattered.  Full of darkness and danger, they were.  And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end.  Because how could the end be happy?  How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?  But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow.  Even darkness must pass.  A new day will come.  And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.  Those were the stories that stayed with you.  That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why.  But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand.  I know now.  Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going.  Because they were holding on to something.”

Frodo asked wearily, “What are we holding onto, Sam?”

Sam replied, “That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo … and it’s worth fighting for.”

Churchill would be proud.

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Although I wrote this post several years ago, I thought I’d repeat it and add to it because there is so much evil in the world today.  Thank you for reading!

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