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When Your Friends Become Friends with Your Enemies

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , on May 8, 2014| 12 Comments »

Something happened on Facebook recently that distressed me.

One of my friends – a good friend, I thought – became Facebook friends with one of my enemies.

This “enemy” wasn’t someone that I despised, but someone who, let’s just say, is not one of my biggest fans.

Why was I concerned?

Because I didn’t want my “enemy” to influence my friend to stop being friends with me.

You ask, “Jim, that doesn’t happen among Christians, does it?”

Oh, yes, it does … and it’s happened to me a lot over the past few years.

How does this happen?

It’s simple.  Pastors … no matter how hard they try … make some enemies.

Those enemies have friends in the church … and the pastor is often friends with those same people.

A pastor’s enemies are usually vocal.  They’re always trying to explain why they don’t like the pastor … or why they don’t attend their church anymore.

Let me give you an example.

Nearly 20 years ago, a woman demanded that I do something for her, and when I resisted, she went ballistic on me.

She told many people how unhappy she was with her pastor, including a newer believer who was gearing up to start a vital ministry.

The newer believer quit coming to church.  When I went to her house, she refused to come to the door … and her whole family left en masse soon after that.

A friend had now become an enemy.

This kind of thing happens all the time in churches.

Someone is unhappy with the pastor … spreads their discontent to others … and usually finds someone who takes their side.

What do you do when a friend and an enemy become friends?

Do you “unfriend” your friend on Facebook and never speak with them again?

Do you distance yourself from your friend and think, “If you want to be friends with that person, then we are no longer friends?”

Do you contact your friend and demand that he or she “unfriend” your enemy?

These sound like responses an 11-year-old girl would make … but not a mature believer.

Over time, I’ve learned three important lessons about friends befriending enemies:

First, it’s okay for your friends to be friends with your enemies.

I don’t want anyone telling me who I can and can’t have as a friend … and I need to extend that privilege to others.

There are people that I don’t like but my wife adores.

There are people that I like that my wife can’t stand.

And there are people that my friends like who don’t like me.

It is possible for someone to be friends with you and friends with your enemy without being unduly influenced by either party.

This happens to many of us when two friends separate and divorce.  We don’t take one side or the other … we remain friends with both individuals.

We must allow our friends the same courtesy.

Second, real friends stay loyal to you.

If Joe (an enemy) tells Judy (your friend) that you’re a no-good-so-and-so, and Judy ends up siding with Joe, Judy may drop you as a friend.

But what kind of friend was Judy if she’d abandon you like that?

But if Joe tries to persuade Judy that you’re no good, and Judy ends up defending you, Judy has proven to be a faithful friend.

Let’s say that a pastor leads a congregation of 500 people and that he assumes all 500 people are his friends.

But then a rumor flares up that the pastor has stolen money from the church … a rumor that’s totally false … but a rumor some people pounce on to say, “Let’s get rid of the pastor.”

The pastor may think to himself, “Okay, maybe I’ve lost a handful of friends, but 480 people are still loyal.”

But the accusation … whispered through the church … may result in the pastor losing several hundred friends … and even his position.

That’s when the pastor finds out who his real friends are.

Like all pastors, I’ve been accused of various wrongs over the years, and it’s hurtful to watch people I thought were friends walk away … often for good.

But I’ve also discovered that many people have vigorously defended me, even when it’s cost them friendships.

Those people are your real friends.

Finally, your friends may eventually have to choose between you and your enemy.

I have a good friend who was also friends with one of my enemies … although I didn’t know he was my enemy at the time.

Anyway, whenever my friend and my “enemy” got together, the “enemy” delighted in running me down.

Finally, my friend had had it.  He told the “enemy” to stop running me down … and when he wouldn’t stop … my friend stopped being his friend.

I don’t like having enemies.  I don’t want to hate anybody … a response I can control … but some people have chosen to hate me … a response I can’t control.

And when I hear that a friend and an enemy have gotten together, it makes me a little bit nervous.

But we all have to learn to trust people, and to believe that our real friends will defend us and support us no matter what our enemies might say.

I didn’t like most of the music from the late Seventies, but I did like this song by the late Andrew Gold – his only real hit – called Thank You For Being a Friend (otherwise known as the theme to The Golden Girls TV show).

And I dedicate this song to all of my real friends … and want you to know how much I appreciate and love each one of you!

(Choose the first song in the top left corner … and skip the ad.)

https://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=AiyyiGzjjtBgG6oYMxz1f8ybvZx4?fr=yfp-t-901-s&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&p=andrew%20gold%20thank%20you%20for%20being%20a%20friend%20youtube

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why Pastors Need to Preach on Conflict

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Current Church Issues, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on May 5, 2014| Leave a Comment »

How many times have you heard a pastor preach a sermon on conflict management?

It doesn’t happen very often.

And yet when Christians become upset about an issue in their church, they can become irrational … overly emotional … and even engage in nasty, unchristian behavior.

And this can cause people to attack the pastor … leave the church in droves … weaken attendance and giving … and harm the church for years.

And if that happens, it’s too late for a pastor to start preaching about how Christians should handle conflict.

Last year, I preached a sermon titled “Resolving Conflict Biblically.”

After the service, one woman – in her mid-80s – told me that she had attended a well-known megachurch for much of her life.

In fact, her pastor was a household name among Christians.

But she said that my message was the first one she had ever heard on how to resolve church conflict in a biblical manner.

She probably did hear some messages on that topic, and just forgot.

But I believe that pastors need to speak on church conflict one or two Sundays every year.

Why?

Let me give you three reasons:

First, pastors need to condition their people that conflict among Christians is inevitable.

If two ministry leaders book the same room at the same time … that’s not unusual.

If a nursery worker doesn’t show up or call on a Sunday morning … that happens.

If a senior complains about not singing any hymns during worship … that’s normal.

These are all minor conflicts.

I believe that most pastors have a high tolerance for minor conflicts.  They don’t get too ruffled by these issues.  They’re occupational hazards.

But to the new believer … or the woman who just lost her job … small issues can quickly seem gigantic.

So a pastor needs to tell his people, “These conflicts happen from time-to-time.  When they do, let’s stay calm.  And here’s how to work them out.”

Do you know how few people learn how to address and resolve conflicts when they’re growing up?

The church can be a great help in this area.

Second, pastors need to empower their congregations to resolve conflict biblically.

When Paul wrote about conflict in 1 and 2 Corinthians, he directed those letters to the entire congregation … not just to church leaders.

He did the same thing with Romans … Galatians … Ephesians … and Philippians.

Paul wrote 9 letters to congregations, and 4 to individuals – including 3  to pastors (Timothy and Titus) – and he obviously believed that the average Christian (not just church leaders) needed instruction on conflict management.

In fact, Paul chose to empower every believer with his writings, saying things like:

I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned.  Keep away from them.  Romans 16:17.

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.  1 Corinthians 1:10

If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out of you will be destroyed by each other.  Galatians 5:15

Yes, pastors need to talk about conflict prevention and resolution with church leaders … but with every churchgoer as well … because it’s the responsibility of every Christian to keep their church healthy.

Finally, pastors need to help people face and resolve their own conflicts.

When I was a pastor, there were many times where people came to me … told me about a conflict they were undergoing at the church … and hoped I’d solve it for them.

But my job wasn’t to step in and solve their problems.  That’s dysfunctional behavior.

Instead, I would share with them how to handle the conflict themselves.

Remember the story of Moses in Exodus 18?  The people of Israel brought Moses their problems all day, every day – and it was impacting Moses negatively.  Moses told Jethro his father-in-law:

“… the people come to me to seek God’s will.  Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God’s decrees and laws.”  Exodus 18:15-16

But Jethro saw that this system was wearing Moses out.  Instead, Jethro encouraged Moses in verse 20 to:

“… teach them the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform.”

Then Jethro encouraged Moses to appoint wise judges who would hear the simpler cases, only bringing the more difficult ones directly to Moses … and this system worked beautifully.

How will many people learn to handle conflict in marriage … at work … with their family … and at church … unless their pastor teaches them God’s Word?

When should a pastor preach on conflict?

First, when the church is at peace, and there aren’t any major conflicts.  I always told my congregations, “The best time to prepare for war is during a time of peace.”  Consider it insurance.

Second, consider teaching on conflict one or two Sundays before your church votes on your governing leaders (like elders or deacons) or the annual budget.  Just write it on the calendar … preferably now.

In my last church, I preached on conflict early in November every year.

One year, I thought, “Hey, things are going well.  I’ll preach on something else this time.”

Guess what?  A few months later, major conflict broke out.

Coincidence?  I don’t know … but I’ll always wonder.

One more tip: I believe that every pastor should create a one-page document summarizing what the New Testament says about conflict management and hand this out annually … maybe even putting this document on the church website.

You might call it, “How We Handle Conflict at Our Church.”

Then if conflict does surface, your church has developed ready-made guidelines that any and every believer can implement.

Can you think of any other reasons why pastors need to periodically preach on conflict?

__________

This is the 350th article I’ve published using WordPress.  Thanks so much for reading!

If you’re a pastor or a board member, you might consider printing some articles and distributing them to your staff or board for discussion.  I’m always encouraged when I hear that someone has done just that.

If there are any topics you’d like me to cover, please send me a message at jim@restoringkingdombuilders.org

May God grant you His peace in your home, workplace, and church life!

 

 

 

 

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Mixing up the Trinity

Posted in Current Church Issues, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on April 22, 2014| 3 Comments »

Last Sunday was Easter, and my wife and I visited a megachurch that’s been gaining quite a reputation.

During the message, the speaker – a staff pastor – made the following statement:

“There are three parts in the Trinity.”

That’s such a glaring theological error that it drove me bonkers.

The correct statement is that “there are three persons in the Trinity.”

The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are persons, not “parts.”

But the speaker’s slip-up reminded me of how often Christians – even pastors – confuse the members of the Trinity in their speaking and praying.

Especially their praying.

Have you ever heard a pastor say this?

“Heavenly Father, thank you for dying on the cross for us.”

I’ve heard it all too many times.

But is the statement accurate?

No.  God the Father didn’t die on the cross for our sins … God the Son did.

But, some people wonder, aren’t the Father and the Son identical?

No, they are distinct persons.  The Father isn’t the Son, and the Son isn’t the Father.

The Father is God … and the Son is God … and the Spirit is God.

All three members of the Trinity are divine beings.  Each member possesses the essence of God.

But each member is also distinct from the others.

At Jesus’ baptism, the Father gave His verbal approval from heaven … the Spirit descended upon Jesus in the form of a dove … and the Son plunged beneath the waters of the Jordan River.

One God, three persons.

The Father didn’t descend as a dove … the Son didn’t affirm anyone from heaven … and the Spirit wasn’t baptized.

The members of the Trinity are not interchangeable.

They have distinct names and duties.

When Jesus taught His disciples to pray, He began, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name” (Matthew 6:9).

Should we pray to the Holy Spirit?  Jesus never said we should.

Is it wrong to pray to the Spirit?  Maybe not … but the New Testament pattern is to pray to the Father through the Son in the power of the Spirit.

I realize the Trinity is a mystery greater than our feeble minds.

But when believers – especially pastors – get sloppy with their terms and practices, they perpetuate theological error.

Dads pass them on to their sons … Bible study leaders pass them on to their groups … and Christians pass them on to unbelievers.

Years ago, I led a Bible study where we leaders were told, “When you ask a question, don’t correct people’s answers.”

I asked a question about Jesus, and one man replied, “Jesus was half man and half God.”

I swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and let that comment pass … correcting it later in the study.

(Jesus was fully God and fully man … the mystery of the incarnation.)

Words matter.  Theology matters.

And the Trinity matters big time.

So let’s be clear about the Trinity:

The Father is God … the Son is God … and the Spirit is God.

As the hymn “Holy, Holy, Holy” puts it:

“God in three persons, blessed Trinity.”

What do you think about this issue?

 

 

 

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Atheists and Good Friday

Posted in Current Church Issues, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on April 18, 2014| 2 Comments »

When I was in college, I visited a nearby law school to hear Madelyn Murray O’Hair, the famous atheist, speak.

I didn’t know what to expect.

Would she end up being articulate, caring, and thought-provoking?  Would she decimate the arguments for the existence of God and convert students to her cause?

As it turned out, there was nothing to worry about.

Her talk was more like a rant … not directed at Christians, but at the federal government … because she believed that her atheist organization should receive tax-exempt status from Uncle Sam.

But in the process, MM O’Hair came off as bitter, vulgar, mean … and utterly ugly.

Since she was the Poster Child for American Atheism, I left the lecture unconcerned about her ability to attract new converts.

But 40 years later, the atheists have regrouped.  They are better organized, have some money, and appear to be growing in numbers.

In fact, atheists have been placing signs in strategic places all over our land, proclaiming:

Nobody died for our sins

Jesus Christ is a myth

On this Good Friday, let me make three observations about this statement:

First, Jesus is not a myth.  He was really born, really lived, and really died.

You can ignore Him … hate Him … mock Him … or worship Him … but to claim that He didn’t exist is purposeful ignorance.

The Bible isn’t the only ancient document that states that Jesus existed.  I have a book called He Walked Among Us by Josh McDowell that documents Jesus’ existence from non-biblical, historical documents as well.

The truth is that many atheists wished that Jesus had never existed.

Why not?

Because they don’t want to acknowledge His Lordship … His church … His influence … or His commands.

Atheists exist, and so did Jesus … so the statement that “Jesus Christ is a myth” is itself mythological … as well as illogical.

Second, Jesus really died.  Again, it’s all a matter of history.

If He really lived, then He really died.

Both Luke and Acts state that Jesus ascended to heaven after His death and resurrection.

He didn’t ascend before He died but after He died.

Jesus of Nazareth died the same kind of death as hundreds of His countrymen … execution by crucifixion.

The Easter Bunny is a myth, so he/she can’t die.

But because Jesus truly walked this earth, He just as truly died … and then was buried.

So the statement, “Nobody died for your sins” might be true … except that the atheists’ intention is to claim that Jesus couldn’t have died for any meaningful reason because He never lived to begin with.

But He did live and die … just as every atheist will.

And that leads me to my last observation about their statement:

Finally, Jesus died for everyone’s sins … whether they receive Him or not.

Jesus died … that’s history.

Jesus died for my sins … that requires faith.

I don’t think atheists want Jesus to exist because they don’t want to acknowledge that they commit any sins … or at least, any sins that might make them account to a higher power.

Most people aren’t atheists for intellectual reasons, but for moral reasons.  They only want to be accountable to themselves.

But they seem to intimate that Christians do commit sins … especially the sin of saying that Jesus lived and died for people’s sins.

Personally, I think it takes far more faith to believe that Jesus didn’t live and didn’t die than to say that He did.

And if He did die, the record is clear: He didn’t die for His own infractions.

Like millions of Christians past and present, I believe that Jesus died for my sins … that He paid the penalty for my offenses against God by offering Himself as my substitute.

He loves everyone … including you … whether you love Him in return or not.

His love extends to atheists … agnostics … the poor … celebrities … your friends and neighbors … and even politicians.

You can’t stop Jesus’ love.  Just as we can do nothing to make Him start loving us, we can’t do anything to make Him stop loving us.

And whether or not you asked Him to die for you … or wanted Him to die for you … He died for you anyway.

And as long as you live, if you ever want to receive that love … demonstrated by His death for you … He will forgive you of all your sins.

So let me rephrase that atheist sign that’s going around:

Jesus died for your sins

Jesus Christ is reality itself

Let me share with you my favorite Easter verses from 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 … and I still have never yet heard a sermon preached on them:

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.

And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves, but for him who died for them and was raised again.

If Christians truly believe that Jesus lived … died … and rose again … then believers must not live for ourselves, as atheists tend to do.

We must live for Jesus instead.

How alive are you spiritually right now?

That’s the best reflection of what you truly believe.

 

 

 

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Who Cares for Lost Shepherds?

Posted in Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Pastoral Termination, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , on April 10, 2014| Leave a Comment »

When I first became a pastor in my late twenties, I was appalled at how many pastors in our district were forced to leave their ministries because they were opposed by a handful of antagonists.

As a rookie pastor, I met on a monthly basis with the district minister and other area pastors for lunch, and whenever I heard about a pastor who was forced to resign, I wanted to know why it happened and how he was faring, especially since I had become friends with some of those pastors.  The dominant impression I received was that each minister resigned because “he had it coming” and that lay leaders reluctantly handed out the treatment he deserved.

For example, one pastor in our district told his congregation in frustration that they “didn’t give a damn” about a certain issue, but because the pastor used the word “damn” in a public meeting (not a church service) some leaders believed that he had disqualified himself from service.  But I wanted to know why he used that language.  When I first entered the district, this pastor took a special interest in me, and if he became so incensed that he used emphatic language inside church walls, then maybe some detractors pushed him over the edge.

Another pastor friend was forced to leave his church because his daughter had been falsely accused of an offense and he resigned to protect her.  (The truth came out sometime later.)

But in district circles, we rarely heard about unhealthy congregations.  Instead, the implication was that if a pastor was forced out of office, you could trace his departure to something he did or said wrong.  The very presence of conflict indicated his guilt.  It’s like saying, “Caiaphas is furious; the Pharisees are incensed; Pilate is anxious; the mob is unruly.  Who is responsible?  It must be the fault of that man hanging on the center cross.”

So early in my career, I learned how district leaders viewed pastors who experienced a forced exit.  The pastor was usually blamed for whatever conflict occurred.  Upon hearing the news that another colleague had resigned, I would call that pastor and ask him why he left, and every man was transparent enough to tell me.

Then I’d ask, “How many other district pastors have called to express their concern?”  The answer was always, “You’re the only one.”  As I recall, in my first several years as a pastor, seven colleagues were forced to leave their churches, and every one told me I was the only minister who called, which broke my heart.  I later did a study of pastors in our district and discovered that out of sixty pastors that had departed, fifty were no longer connected to the denomination.  I felt so strongly about this issue that I wrote an article for our denominational magazine titled “Who Cares for Lost Shepherds?”

Why don’t pastors demonstrate more concern for their colleagues who experience forced exits?

Maybe pastors have enough happening inside their own churches to reach out to peers, or they wouldn’t know what to say to a colleague, or they don’t want to become embroiled in another church’s issues.  But my guess is that most pastors don’t want to associate with anyone they perceive as a loser.

If you’re forced out of a church, the perception is that you must be incompetent, immoral, or ignorant of church politics.  There is something wrong with you, not the church, and if you were smarter, you wouldn’t have such problems.

For example, I recently heard a seminary professor refer to a leadership structure he utilized when he was a pastor, stating that he never really had a major conflict with a congregation over two decades of ministry.  Translation: If you handled matters my way, you wouldn’t have any conflict.

But this sentiment seems arrogant to me.

Jesus wasn’t crucified because he was unhealthy but because the political and religious leaders of his day were spiritually rebellious.

Paul wasn’t chased out of European cities because anything was wrong with him but because his hearers were hostile toward the gospel.  (Were all Paul’s problems with the churches in Corinth and Galatia his fault?  Doesn’t he usually place the responsibility for church troubles at the feet of the whole church rather than single out certain leaders?)

It’s popular to say, “If the team isn’t winning, fire the coach,” but some pastors have led their churches to growth and yet are forced to leave because the powerbrokers feel less significant as the church expands.

While a small percentage of pastors deserve termination, the great majority who are involuntarily sacked have done nothing worthy of banishment.  [David] Goetz recommends that denominations keep better records of forced exits to identify repeat-offender churches and suggests that denominations discipline churches that slander or abuse their pastors.

__________

This is an excerpt from my book Church Coup which was published a year ago by Xulon Press.  The book describes a real-life conflict that happened nearly five years ago in my last church ministry.

I wrote the book to describe how a major conflict feels from the pastor’s side and to suggest a multitude of ways that such conflicts can be avoided.

If you’re interested in purchasing the book, you can buy a hard copy or download the e-book from Amazon.com.  Just click on the picture.

Thanks for reading!

 

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Rejected Inside the Church

Posted in Current Church Issues, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on March 24, 2014| 10 Comments »

He was fighting a battle inside … a battle that had no sign of ending soon.

For his entire life, Bob had attended church services … and enjoyed doing so.  Church was in his DNA.

But recently, things had changed.  Bob no longer felt at home at church … any church.

He tried visiting churches in his community, but never felt comfortable.

During one service, a staff member asked those with a need to stand up so believers nearby could pray for that person.  While Bob had needs, he didn’t feel comfortable having strangers pray for him.

At another church, the pastor said during the announcements, “If you want to attend this event, see Joe.”  The pastor assumed that everybody knew Joe … but Bob didn’t, and felt left out.

Exhausted and frustrated while searching for a home church, Bob took a break a few Sundays and watched a service on television from a megachurch he liked … but he longed to find a church home nearby.

One Saturday night, he went online and located the website of a church that met at a local community college, and since it was close to home, he thought he’d give it a try.

So on Sunday morning, Bob got up on time … showered and dressed … grabbed his Bible … got in his car … and drove to where the church was located.

When he drove into the parking lot, he noticed there weren’t many cars there.  Was this a small church where he might stand out?

When Bob walked into the building, nobody was present to greet him.  As he turned to walk down a long hallway, he noticed a literature table … but no one was there.

As he proceeded down the hallway, he noticed another literature table … again with nobody staffing it.

No one said a word as Bob walked toward what he hoped was the worship center, which he eventually found.

He hesitated for a moment, looking for greeters, but they were talking to each other … with their backs to him … so he slipped into the auditorium … without ever being offered a bulletin.

Bob looked for a seat in the back row, but since some seats were roped off, he walked beyond the ropes and sat down on the second seat next to the aisle.

Looking to the right, he saw a man in a suit talking to three other men against the wall.

Looking toward the front, he saw two other men talking behind the church podium.

Since the church had Bible classes before the service, maybe those men were discussing their studies … but they seemed oblivious to others.

Church growth experts claim that a guest forms 11 impressions about a church within the first 30 seconds … and so far, Bob had only formed negative impressions of this church … but maybe the service would be different.

Suddenly, an older woman appeared at the end of the aisle.  Pointing to the seat next to Bob, she said, “This is my seat.”  And then, pointing to the seat he was sitting in, she said, “And that’s my friend’s seat.”

Already feeling apprehensive, Bob now felt embarrassed.  “Okay, I’ll leave,” he said.

He walked back down the row … back down the hallway … back into the parking lot … and drove home.

Bob turned on the television and once again watched the service broadcast by the megachurch.  The preacher told the congregation how much God loved each one of them.

And Bob thought about his experience at church that morning and wondered:

If people matter to God, why don’t they matter more to God’s people?

_____________________

If you haven’t yet figured it out, I’m Bob.  This article reflects the frustration that I’m experiencing finding a local church that loves guests without making them feel uncomfortable.

Maybe as a longtime pastor, I’m too critical … but I don’t think so.

Maybe it’s no wonder that 85% of all churches are stagnant or declining in attendance because from my vantage point, most believers are engrossed with their own friendships and concerns on Sundays … and their church simply isn’t ready for company.

The first thing that non-growing churches can do is to ask themselves, “How can we improve the way we welcome our guests?”

It’s not rocket science … but for some reason, most churches think they’re doing fine when they’re failing miserably.

My wife and I once visited a large, prestigious church where we were locked out of the worship center for the first ten minutes while they had a baptism … and then the pastor complained about the decline in church attendance during his sermon.

Please, sir, look in the mirror.

If I feel this way … and I’m a veteran believer … how do you think unbelievers or seekers feel when they visit the average church?

Visiting a church is an anxiety-inducing experience … especially when you’re by yourself … and every time a church isn’t ready for company, it becomes that much harder to visit the next church.

Sometimes people aren’t rejecting Christ … they’re rejecting churches where they instantly sense rejection … and no, it’s not logical.

If Christians are serious about reaching the world for Christ, maybe we can start by better welcoming the guests that God brings to our churches on Sundays.

Remember Jesus’ words?

“… I was a stranger and you invited me in … I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:35, 40).

 

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Blackballed by Christian Leaders

Posted in Current Church Issues, Pastoral Termination, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on March 10, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Frank Pastore was a major league baseball pitcher, a speaker on apologetics, and a Christian talk show host.  He died last year when his motorcycle was struck on the 210 Freeway near Los Angeles.

Frank Pastore Signed CardsIn 1996, my church flew Frank and his son to our community to speak at our church.  That Saturday night, my son and I joined Frank and his son for dinner at Chili’s – where we discussed Frank’s career with the Cincinnati Reds – and then we retreated to my church study, where Frank and I discussed Christian books we both loved.

The next day, he spoke at our Sunday service and blew everyone away with his knowledge and passion for the truthfulness of the Christian faith.

Several years later, I saw his initial appearance on Bill Maher’s television show Politically Incorrect.

And then I lost track of him.  A friend said that Frank was giving pitching lessons to his son, and I heard that Frank had a talk show in the Los Angeles area.  Although I regularly read the transcripts of his shows, I never got to hear Frank in his element.

But before Frank died, he wrote a book called Shattered: Struck Down, But Not Destroyed.  My sister Jan showed me her copy last week … and what I read made me both angry and sad.

When I first contacted Frank, he was teaching at my seminary.  He was also hosting a radio show for the school.  He absolutely loved what he was doing.

Then one day, Frank was invited to a clandestine meeting by men he respected … who were plotting to overthrow the school’s president … one of my former professors.

When Frank came home that day, he told his wife that he felt like he needed to take a bath.  He said, “It’s just dirty business, and I thought this was ministry.  But it’s no better than the world.”  (Don’t those last two lines make you want to weep?)

I once attended a meeting of some prominent Christian pastors.  We were all members of the same organization … and we weren’t happy with the direction it was taking.

One of the pastors suggested that he knew how we could get rid of the leaders.  I immediately said, “I’m not having any part in this,” and that was the last I heard about any sort of plot.

Frank Pastore wanted to say the same thing to those men … that he didn’t want anything to do with their plot.  But now that he knew what they were doing, he had become a threat.

His wife told him that he would be blackballed if he didn’t go along with the plot.  Frank writes about these men:

“I looked up to them.  They were my mentors.  We hung out together.  Their opinions had become my own…. I heard a lot of stuff I still wish I didn’t know.  Gradually I began to realize that they weren’t the men of integrity I’d thought they were.”

Frank says that if this scenario had happened in the Mafia, those men would have put out a hit on him.  He writes: “But this wasn’t the Mafia.  This was ministry.  So they put a kinder, gentler hit on me – character assassination by slander and gossip.  To my face they acted as though nothing had changed.  But all the while, they were destroying my reputation.”

The men who tried to stage a coup against their president were later disciplined … but the slander worked.

Frank was uninvited from speaking at conferences and retreats.  A program he had launched in churches began going south.  He wasn’t asked to teach in the undergraduate program for the next semester.

Then Frank appeared for the second time on Politically Incorrect … and he was fired afterwards.

If you’re interested in reading Shattered by Frank Pastore, you can download it from Amazon for $9.99.  I love the book because it’s just like Frank: authentic and honest.

And I’ll write more about what Frank – and many pastors – go through in my next article.

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Why Laundry Lists Devastate Relationships

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , , on February 26, 2014| 2 Comments »

Have you ever had somebody recount a laundry list of your faults?

I’ve had this happen to me … and it’s devastating.

Political candidates from both parties use laundry lists against their opponents during election season.

Spouses pull out laundry lists when they’re frustrated with each other.

Employers compile laundry lists when they’re ready to let an employee go.

But most of the time, laundry lists aren’t just unjust … they’re downright evil.

Why do I say this?

This morning, I read Mark 15:2-4 in The Message:

Pilate asked him, “Are you the ‘King of the Jews’?”  He answered, “If you say so.”  The high priests let loose a barrage of accusations. 

Pilate asked again, “Aren’t you going to answer anything?  That’s quite a list of accusations.”  Still, he said nothing.

When pastors are under attack, their opponents compile lists of their “offenses,” just like the Jewish leaders did with Jesus.

Let me make four observations about such lists:

First, laundry lists are usually desperate attempts to end a relationship.

During my second pastorate, a group of seniors did not like the changes that the board and I were making – especially concerning music.

Since they didn’t want to leave the church, they sat in a room and compiled a list of all my faults – including those of my wife and children, too.

Then they presented their list to two board members, as if to say, “Look at this list!  He needs to go!”

That’s what the high priests did to Jesus.

The list compilers don’t want to talk things out … or negotiate … or reconcile in any way.

They want the object of their scorn to be (a) defeated, (b) removed, or (c) executed.

There’s just one problem:

Second, laundry lists rarely contain any impeachable offenses.

Heresy is an impeachable offense for a pastor.  So is sexual immorality … and felonious behavior … and even slothfulness.

If someone’s opponents have evidence of an impeachable offense, they don’t need a laundry list.

They only need the laundry list when they don’t have an impeachable offense … which tells us something.

If a pastor preaches that Jesus isn’t God … or he’s caught in a motel with his pants down … who cares if he once became upset at a staff meeting?

When the seniors created their laundry list against me, one of their charges was that I didn’t make the wife of the church drummer lengthen her dresses … as if that was my role.

And all their “charges” were that trivial … which is why the board defended me and the seniors eventually left the church.

Third, laundry lists are simply unfair.

I know someone who once worked for a major Christian organization.  One day, his supervisor told him that he was doing 13 things wrong.

How could my friend possibly make changes in 13 areas at once?

He couldn’t … and was dismissed soon afterward.

That’s lazy … even angry … supervision.

Most people can’t emotionally handle having someone point out more than one offense at the same time … much less 13 … and that goes for children, husbands, and pastors.

(And students: remember when your teacher gave you back your term paper and it was full of red marks?)

The biblical principle is to bring up offenses as they arise.  Ephesians 4:26-27 says:

“In your anger do not sin”; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

If I’m angry with you for something you did, but I hoard your offense rather than speak to you about it, whose fault is that?

MINE!

And if you continue to commit offenses, but I never say or do anything about them, whose fault is that ?

MINE!

And if I come to you one day … and bitterly hurl your offenses at you … and you don’t take it kindly … whose fault is that?

MINE!

Christians would have far less conflict in their homes, workplaces, and churches if we’d just take Ephesians 4:26-27 to heart.

And when we don’t, guess who gains a foothold in our lives?

Satan.

Finally, laundry lists tend to indict their creators.

In Mark’s account, Jesus wasn’t guilty of any wrongdoing, while His enemies sought to cover up their plotting by trumping up charges.

The list makers intended to throw the spotlight onto a person they despised, but instead, they were revealed as being hypercritical, petty, and vindictive.

Their “barrage of accusations” really stood as an implicit confession:

“We don’t like Jesus one bit.  We don’t like His popularity … or His love for sinners … or His novel interpretations of Scripture … or His refusal to obey us … or the authority He’s been acquiring.”

And on and on and on.

Their laundry list was really about one thing: they hated Jesus.

And most of the time, those who use such lists expose their own hatred.

A church leader once came to me with a laundry list of accusations.  When he was done, I asked him, “So what you’re saying is that you’ve hated me all this time?”

He coyly admitted as much.

Do you know how it feels to work alongside someone that hates you … especially in a church?

It’s absolutely devastating.

If he had just spoken with me when his feelings first started surfacing, maybe we could have worked things out.

But when he harbored anger … without my knowledge … it ate him alive … and he poured it all out on me.

Then he felt better … and I felt like harming myself.

That relationship ended, as do most relationships where one person nails the target of their wrath with a laundry list of their faults.

If you want to get along with your family and friends, deal with issues as they arise … or take your pain to God in prayer.

Because once you toss a “barrage of accusations” at someone, it won’t be long before somebody gets crucified.

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Five Questions Christian Leaders Can’t Answer

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on February 21, 2014| 6 Comments »

There are a lot of things in this world I don’t understand.  For example:

Why is one baseball pitcher paid more than $30 million per season?

Why did they have to kill off Matthew on Downton Abbey?

And why does anyone pay attention to Miley Cyrus?

There are also areas of the Christian church I don’t understand:

Why are so many Christians afraid to stand up for their faith?

Why are most churches unprepared for guests?

Why don’t pastors preach on controversial issues anymore?

We can talk about those issues another time.

However, I have five questions that center around conflict in churches – especially involving pastors – that continue to puzzle me:

First, why do so many Christians resort to lying to get rid of their pastor?

When a pastor is innocent of any major offense (like heresy, immorality, or felonious behavior), but a group in the church wants to push him out, why do they lie to get their way?

And why do so many gullible Christians believe the lies without checking their veracity?

And why do churchgoers believe the liars and proceed to shun their pastor?

Paul writes in Ephesians 4:25, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

I hear stories all the time from pastors whose forced resignations were preceded by one lie after the other.

Why do we permit this in the body of Christ?

Can’t figure it out.

Second, why is a forced-out pastor considered “damaged goods?”

In our day, if a pastor is forced to resign from a church, the chances that he can find another church ministry are poor.

Why do search teams make blanket judgments about such pastors without doing a little more homework?

Why does the Church that espouses grace for sinners withhold that same grace from pastors who have been battered and bullied?

I know men with sparkling credentials … who have grown churches … who are excellent speakers … who have proven their stability by leading the same church for 20 years … who have given their lives to the ministry … who can’t get a search team member to even return an email.

If Peter denied that he knew Christ in our day, would God’s people let him back into ministry?

Many pastors are forced out of their positions because they chose to obey the Lord rather than the board.

Shouldn’t we celebrate these men as heroes rather than ban them from church ministry for life?

Can’t figure it out.

Third, why don’t more denominational leaders stand behind pastors under attack?

When I became a pastor, I was told that my district minister was “a pastor to pastors.”

So I shared with him some concerns I had about my church.

That was a big mistake … because he later used what I shared against me.

If you’re a pastor under attack, and you’re looking for someone to confide in, think twice about trusting your regional minister.

Why?

Because they are usually more interested in keeping the church – and its money – in the denomination than standing for what’s right.

If you’re a pastor, and you’re under fire inside your church, and you’re thinking about asking your district executive for help, ask him this one question first:

To what extent will you stand behind me in this conflict?

If you get a wishy-washy political answer … which is likely … RUN!

Before I draw a parallel with Pontius Pilate … why don’t more denominational leaders stand up for their pastors?

Can’t figure it out.

Fourth, why aren’t more Christian leaders doing something about the problem of forced terminations?

In my book Church Coup, I quoted researcher Marcus Tanner from Texas Tech University about the increase in clergy terminations.

Tanner stated, “Everybody knows this is happening, but nobody wants to talk about it.  The vast majority of denominations across the country are doing absolutely nothing.”

If 1,500 to 1,800 pastors are leaving church ministry every month – with most of them forced out – then why are good people sitting around and permitting this evil to happen?

And don’t give me this “autonomy of the local church” stuff.  That’s just an excuse for Christian fear and dysfunction.

If pastors are being abused and battered and lied about, why are most Christian leaders silent?

Can’t figure it out.

Finally, why are congregations so blind when it comes to Satan’s influence?

Satan uses two primary tactics to destroy pastors and churches: deception and destruction.

Jesus said in John 8:44 that Satan is a liar and the father of lies … and was a murderer from the beginning.

Deception and destruction … two words that are easy to remember.

Anytime that lies are being spread through a church … Satan is involved.

Anytime that someone is trying to destroy a pastor … Satan is involved.

And yet, when Christians are in the midst of a conflict involving their pastor, some attribute the chaos and consternation to anyone and everyone except the evil one.

Why are believers so easily fooled?

Paul wrote about Satan in 2 Corinthians 2:11, “For we are not unaware of his schemes.”

But during a conflict, most Christians seem spiritually deaf and blind.

Can’t figure it out.

It’s high time that Christians took the time to study and practice what the Bible has to say about church conflict.

Or else Jesus’ church is going to have an increasing number of questions that it can’t answer.

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Christian Pastor Bashers

Posted in Current Church Issues, Please Comment!, tagged , , on February 13, 2014| 10 Comments »

Last week, I received a personal email from the director of a Christian organization who invited me to check out a blog article he had written and a YouTube video interview he had given.

His issue?

He claimed that Rick Warren was “THE poster child global predatory pastor” and “THE MOST DANGEROUS PASTOR IN THE WORLD.”

So I read his article and listened to his entire video, jotting thoughts down along the way.

What did I learn?

That Rick Warren might be a 33rd Degree Mason and a member of the Illuminati … that he teaches “the tyranny of tithing” … that he doesn’t preach “Christ crucified” … and that because he prayed at President Obama’s inauguration, Warren is somehow linked to the elimination of the black race.

I kid you not.

And this “director” doesn’t have one good thing to say about Rick Warren … not one.

Let me try and answer each of these charges and then share why I think they’re being made.

First, is Rick Warren really a Mason? 

When I was in seminary, my church history professor – Dr. Christian – made a statement I’ve never forgotten: “You can be a Christian and be a Mason, but you can’t be a good Christian and a good Mason.”

Why not?

Because both the church and the lodge demand total commitment – and because they believe mutually exclusive things.

In the interest of full disclosure, my son works at (not for) Saddleback Church.  He’s had his picture taken with Pastor Rick … twice.

And my son says that Pastor Rick is rarely at church because he’s always traveling to some other part of the country or world.

How in the world would Pastor Rick have the time and energy to be both a Mason and a Christian pastor?

After muttering the claim on the video, the discernment ministry expert admitted that he didn’t have the documentation to prove that Warren really was a Mason.

But if you want to be taken seriously, why even mutter the claim if you can’t prove it?

Second, does Rick Warren teach tithing?

Yes.  And so do thousands and thousands of other pastors.  They honestly believe that the tithe in the Old Testament is assumed in the New Testament and point to Jesus’ words in Matthew 23:23 as proof.

But by what stretch of the imagination is keeping an Old Testament command tyranny?  Isn’t keeping God’s law supposed to be liberating?  Didn’t Jesus come not to abolish the Law but to fulfill it?

I taught tithing, and I’ve practiced it for decades in my own life.  What’s wrong with that?

Why single Warren out for teaching tithing when so many others have done so?  It’s okay to disagree, but to call it tyranny?

Good grief.

Third, does Warren preach “Christ crucified?”

The charge against Warren is that he has garbled the gospel message by not consistently preaching that Jesus died for our sins and rose from the dead … and that he doesn’t tell people to repent of their sins.

This reminds me of a woman who once heard me preach on two consecutive Sundays.  She wrote a note on her response card claiming that she wasn’t coming back to the church because I didn’t preach on John 3:16.

The following Sunday, that woman wasn’t present, but I did preach on John 3:16 … for the first time in years … but for some reason, I didn’t receive her note until the following day.

How ironic.

Can we put this “there’s only one way to preach the gospel” controversy to bed forever?

In Acts 16, Paul and Silas are arrested and imprisoned in Philippi.  About midnight, a violent earthquake occurs, and the jailer – assuming his prisoners had escaped – attempts to kill himself.  Paul stops him, and the jailer asks Paul, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

Paul replies in verse 31, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved – you and your household.”  (If his household believes, they will be saved as well.)  The next verse tells us, “Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house,” probably expanding upon their “believe” statement.

But do you know how many times I’ve heard preachers and evangelists tell people, “All you have to do to be saved is to believe in the Lord Jesus as Paul states in verse 31?”

Paul doesn’t mention Christ crucified … or the resurrection … or heaven or hell … or repentance … or judgment … or God’s law.

Guess what?  Resurrection and repentance aren’t found in John 3:16, either … and Jesus said the thief on the cross was saved by simply saying, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

If using specific “code words” was vital to preaching the gospel, then Dr. Luke should have made sure that he used the right words every time he mentioned the gospel message in Acts … but he doesn’t.

He uses a variety of expressions to keep his book interesting … and many preachers do the same thing … including Rick Warren.

Finally, did Rick Warren sin by praying at Barack Obama’s inauguration?

Here’s how the argument is made on the videotape:

Warren blessed Obama at the inauguration … and Obama promotes Planned Parenthood … and their founder advocated the elimination of the black race … so, by implication, Rick Warren supports the elimination of the black race.

This is the kind of linkage that I grew up with as a fundamentalist:

If you’re in high school … and you go to a dance … you’ll get turned on … have sex after the dance … and get someone pregnant … SO DON’T GO TO THE DANCE.

How about this one instead?

If you listen to Christian kooks … and read their books … you’ll start sounding like a babbling idiot … pull away from your church … and sit in a corner sucking your thumb … SO DON’T LISTEN TO CHRSTIAN KOOKS.

But if you know anything about reasoning, you know there are huge jumps in logic between each step and that one step doesn’t logically follow the next.

Why are there so many Warren bashers out there today?

I have never met Rick Warren.  I’ve read his books … and I follow him on Twitter … but I don’t know the man at all.

But I like him.

Last weekend, I watched him preach (using the Saddleback Roku app) on transforming your mind.  The message was great.

It was biblical … interesting … relevant … practical … passionate … challenging … and convicting.

Do you know how hard it is to preach like that?

Rick Warren is an evangelist at heart, not a seminary professor.  Like Paul, he seeks “to become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some” (1 Corinthians 9:22).

He’s not like John the Baptist: living in isolation … leading an ultra-disciplined life … condemning sins sternly … and having a small group of followers.

He’s much more like Jesus: socializing with all kinds of people … enjoying life to the full … condemning the religious more than the irreligious … and gaining a large following.

And like many Christian leaders, if he’s asked to do something … and he thinks he’ll have a chance to represent Christ … he’ll say “yes” as often as possible … preaching the word “in season and out of season.”

Why does Rick Warren attract so much harsh criticism?

Because God has wildly blessed his ministry over the past 34 years … and God hasn’t blessed most other ministries in the same way.

And this makes “Christian discernment experts” and many pastors wildly jealous.

Paul wrote in Philippians 1:18 that even if certain people preach Christ “out of envy and rivalry” or “in love” … “The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached.  And because of this I rejoice.”

Is Rick Warren perfect?

No.

Has he made mistakes?

He’s the first one to admit that he has … and he’s disappointed me a few times … but so have most Christian leaders at one time or another.

But has God used him mightily?

Yes … and God only uses imperfect people.

In listening to all the Warren-bashing, I’ve never heard anyone say, “Let’s pray for Pastor Rick.”

So let’s pray for Pastor Rick … that God gives him many more years of service … and let’s pray for the Christian discernment experts … that they’ll focus on somebody really dangerous.

Any suggestions?

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