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Archive for the ‘Personal Stories’ Category

Since I left church ministry more than four years ago, I’ve had some good days and some bad days.

Mondays through Saturdays tend to be good days.  Sunday afternoons and evenings are good, too.

But Sunday mornings are rough.

Why?

Because Sunday mornings used to be the highlight of my week.  All my thoughts, energies, and prayers culminated in those two worship services, when I would stand before God’s people and bring them God’s Word.

I lived for Sunday mornings.

But now, Sunday mornings don’t seem so exciting … and like many pastors, I wonder:

Is there life after church ministry?

That’s what many ex-pastors want to know … whether or not they deserved being pushed out of church ministry.

I’ve written extensively on this topic, especially in my book Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict.

Let me share four quick thoughts on this topic:

First, God retires many pastors from church ministry before they’re ready.

Neil Diamond once issued an album called Tap Root Manuscript.  There was a song on there called “Done Too Soon.”

After recounting the names of a host of famous people like Jesus Christ, Mozart, Genghis Khan and Buster Keaton, Diamond sang:

And each one lived, there’s one thing shared

They have sweated beneath the same sun

Looked up in wonder at the same moon

And wept when it was all done

For being done too soon

For being done too soon

Most pastors who have experienced a forced exit thought they would retire from church ministry around age 65 … on their terms … rather than much earlier … on someone else’s terms.

Their careers were definitely “done too soon.”

But as I look back on my situation more than 50 months later, I see that God retired me from church ministry because of His grace … and it takes a long time to accept that.

Jesus had to accept that His ministry was “done too soon” after only 3 years.

But this truth doesn’t mean that God is done with ex-pastors because:

Second, God has moved many ex-pastors into kingdom work.

Who is better qualified to do kingdom work than former pastors?

I have a friend who does conflict mediation for churches … and he went through pastoral termination three times.

I have another friend who trains Christian leaders worldwide … and he went through termination twice.

The list of pastors who were pushed out of their churches includes Jonathan Edwards … Billy Graham … and many well-known leaders and authors whose ministries have become much broader than a local church.

In fact, I’ve learned that most ex-pastors involved in kingdom work went through one or more forced exits … and that God had to fling them out of the church first.

Fourteen years ago, I took a doctoral class at Fuller Seminary taught by Dr. Bob Logan.  During every lunch period, Dr. Logan met with several students and asked us what we wanted to do after we received our doctorate.

I told him that I wanted to minister to pastors and churches that were going through conflict.  (Privately, I also wanted to write.)

There was no known pathway to turn my dreams into reality.  I planned to be a pastor until retirement and then think about conflict ministry … but God had other plans … and I’m glad He did.

Because every time a pastor calls me on the phone or a church leader sends me an email, I say to God, “Thank you, Lord, for calling me to this important work.”

Third, God takes care of His children … especially former pastors.

About 2/3 of the time I served as a pastor, I enjoyed a secure income with benefits.

My wife and I didn’t worry about medical bills … having the money for vacations … or saving money.

But when you suddenly find yourself out of your career field, you have to start practicing all those sermons you gave about “trusting God.”

Over the past 4+ years since leaving church ministry, my wife and I haven’t gone into debt and we’ve met all our obligations.

Sometimes the Lord has provided us with unexpected gifts.  Other times, He’s reduced expenses that we assumed were fixed.

While our income isn’t close to what it was five years ago, God has consistently provided for us, and for that, we praise Him!

The Lord knows how to take care of His servants.

Finally, God rearranges your priorities when you’re away from the church.

When I was a pastor, I wanted my priorities to look like this:

*God

*Family

*Ministry

But all too often, my priorities really looked like this:

*Ministry

*Family

*God

When you’re a pastor, the local church assumes a double identity: it’s both the source of your friendships and the source of your income.

And all too often, it creeps into first place on your priority list.

In fact, there were many times when I missed a family event because it seemed like I was married to my church.

But when you’re no longer a pastor, it’s natural for your priorities to look like this:

*God

*Family

*Ministry

And that can be a very good – and healing – thing.

If you know a pastor who has experienced forced termination, you can encourage him in two primary ways:

*Pray for God to use him mightily again … and to meet all his financial needs.

*Keep in regular contact with him.  (When people stop contacting you, you assume that they’ve turned on you.)

And if you are a pastor who has experienced forced termination, remember this adage I learned from my mentor Charles Chandler:

They can take your job, but they can’t take your calling.

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38 1/2 years.  That’s how long my wife Kim and I have been married.

We “went together” for two years before we got hitched.  I was 21, she was 20.  Sounds pretty young, doesn’t it?

During our more than four decades together, we’ve had our share of conflicts.

For starters, we come from very different families.  My family tends to be private, cautious, and conscientious.  Kim’s family tends to be public and risk-taking, with a no-holds-barred attitude.

On Myers-Briggs, we’re exact opposites: I’m an ISTJ, while she’s an ENFP.

Before we got married, I was a spender and she was a saver.  After we got married, I became the saver, she became the spender.

And when it comes to sleep … I don’t sleep all that well, while Kim can sleep anytime, anywhere.

In spite of our differences, Kim and I have learned how to resolve the inevitable conflicts in our relationship.

Let me share with you four things (among many) that we’ve learned:

First, marital conflicts need to happen.

I once heard the famous evangelist Luis Palau say that if two married partners agree on everything, one of them is mentally challenged.

It’s exciting to be with people who are different.  It’s boring to be with people who are clones of yourself.

There was a time in our marriage when I’d come home from work and Kim had completely redecorated the living room … without consulting me.

I learned that she has a high need to be creative, while I want everything to be functional.  We had some pretty good go-rounds about her decorating decisions years ago, but we’ve identified the issues and learned how to discuss and negotiate our differences since then.

When you and your spouse disagree about an issue – even if you strongly disagree – quietly tell yourself, “This is the price I pay for living with someone I love.”

That attitude will help you work toward reconciliation.

Second, stay calm when you’re arguing.

Why do people yell and scream when they’re arguing with someone?  Because they’re frustrated that the other person isn’t hearing them.

But raising your voice ten decibels only increases the anxiety in your relationship … and when anxiety is high, so is conflict.

Sometimes your points are more powerful when you use a softer approach.

When my wife and I have a strong disagreement – and we still do on occasion – I don’t want the neighbors hearing our conversation … but I do want to hear what my wife has to say.

So I place my hand above my head and slowly bring it down as if to say, “Please use a calmer voice.”

Am I being controlling?  I don’t think so.  I want to hear my wife’s points, but I can’t discern them if the volume is too high.

Think about this: parents insist that their children “use a quiet voice” when they’re upset about something.  Shouldn’t dads and moms set an example?

We haven’t mastered this skill yet, but we’re getting better at it.

Third, focus on understanding your partner’s viewpoint.

More than 20 years ago, Kim and I had a backlog of issues to resolve, and we just weren’t getting it done.

So we set aside some time and set up a “Peace Conference.”

Kim could discuss any issue on her mind … for two minutes.  Then it was my job to tell her what she’d just told me.

When she assured me that I understood her, we both shared back and forth – using the two minute rule – until we came to a resolution.

Then we wrote the decision down … and it was my turn to initiate an issue.

The two minute rule gave us structure and injected fairness into our discussions.  We calmed down, knowing that we’d both get turns to share as long as we both showed we understood the other.

Years ago, when I wasn’t quite understanding what Kim wanted from me, I’d ask her, “If I could say/do this over again, how would you like me to handle it?”

Then I’d listen … ask questions … and do all I could to comply with her wishes.

You haven’t understood your partner until you can put into words what they want from you.

Finally, avoid going to bed angry.

Ephesians 4:26 encourages us not to let the sun go down on our wrath.  What wise counsel!

In his book Sleep: It Does a Family Good, Dr. Archibald Hart cites research from his daughter Sharon indicating that “80 percent of wives cannot get to sleep after an argument.  They need to talk a problem through and arrive at some resolution before they can turn it off.”

But according to the same study, “80 percent of husbands are incapable of talking through a difference without getting angry and withdrawing.”

Dr. Hart shares three principles to prevent arguments at bedtime:

1. Never open up a topic that is likely to be contentious just before you go to bed.

2. If you find yourself in an argument or heated discussion about any topic, call a truce as soon as possible.

3. If you do not have good argument skills, Dr. Hart recommends reading Dr. Sharon (Hart) May’s book How to Argue So Your Spouse Will Listen.

In the TV show Everybody Loves Raymond, Ray and Debra usually have their arguments when?  Right before bedtime!

For the first several years of our marriage, Kim and I tried to observe Ephesians 4:26 by staying up late – sometimes after midnight – to resolve issues.

Now that our wonderful children live on their own, we have much more time to keep current with each other’s needs and views.

I’ll write more on this issue another time.

How do you resolve conflicts in your marriage?

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How would you like to have Santa Claus sitting in your living room for two hours?

That’s what happened at our house last night … and I was the one who played Santa.

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I agreed to be Santa for a party my wife Kim was having for her preschool children and their families.

But playing Santa isn’t as easy as it sounds.  There are so many decisions to make:

First, where do you buy a Santa suit?

Amazon has scores of them … in all price ranges … but I didn’t want to pay too much for a suit … and the variety was confusing.

In the end, we drove to Walmart, ventured into the Christmas area, hoped we’d find a suit … and they had just one left.

Second, how well does the Santa suit fit?

The hat, wig, and beard were okay … as were the pants … but Santa’s shirt was attached with Velcro, and I couldn’t insert a pillow without busting open the shirt.

So … compared to other Santas … I looked relatively thin.

My wife put baby powder on my eyebrows and face, so it looked like Santa had just come from the North Pole.

However, after putting the suit on, I noticed small red threads embedded into the carpet.

It’s not even Christmas and the Santa suit is already unraveling.

Third, how does Santa enter the living room?

In our place, there are only three options: the hallway, the sliding glass door to the backyard, and the front door.

Since it rained yesterday, I opted for the front door … just went through the garage, magically appeared on the doorstep, and rang the bell.

Fourth, how does Santa interact with the children?

I searched online for Santa tips, and settled on these four questions:

*What is your name?

*How old are you?

*Have you been naughty or nice?  (Every kid said they’d been nice.)

*What would you like for Christmas?  (Favorite answers: a skateboard or a dollhouse … although one kid wanted the latest Playstation.)

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I didn’t promise to bring specific gifts to any child.  I merely stated that Santa’s sleigh is already full and that he’ll see what he can do.

Santa doesn’t want a broken promise to harm a child’s trust.

Fifth, how well does Santa pose for photos?

Although I posed for dozens of pictures, no smile was visible through my beard.

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Some might say that Santa looks emotionally repressed … but when I remembered, I did say, “Ho ho ho” a lot.

Sixth, how did the kids respond to Santa?

Some walked right up to me and immediately posed for photos.

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Some approached me with trepidation, but finally sat on my lap.

A few played games nearly at my feet.

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Several children were petrified that Santa was anywhere near them.

Most kids were happy to take a candy cane.

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Several kids asked me where Rudolph was.  I told them that after Rudolph and the other reindeer dropped me off, they went flying through the sky, and would pick me up when the night was over.

The kids seemed to buy it.

Finally, were there any surprises about playing Santa?

Yes … the suit is warm, and after two hours, I was relieved to remove it.

I also discovered that it’s hard to eat anything when you’re playing Santa because pieces of the beard get caught in your mouth.

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The families seemed to have a great time.  After everybody left, we didn’t have any cupcakes … M & M’s … cookies … or any other goodies left.

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Playing Santa is hard work.  I’m exhausted today.

But at least a dozen families had their own personal Santa for a little while … without having to stand in line at the mall and pay for pictures … and in the end, a good time was had by all.

But if you want me to come to your place and play Santa … you’ll have to speak with Miss Kim first.

And I’m not sure Rudolph wants to go out again before Christmas Eve.

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This morning, I went to the post office to mail a package and buy stamps.

This meant that I would have to wait in a long line, but I was up for it … I thought.

The line was long, with maybe 15 seniors ahead of me … but even though there are 4 “windows” at our post office, there were only 2 clerks.

Directly behind me in line was a young mother … holding a toddler while pushing a large stroller … trying to balance several packages on top of her stroller.

I mentally told myself, “When it’s my turn, I’ll let that mother go ahead of me.”

While we were waiting, a third clerk appeared and began waiting on customers on the far left side.

After interminable waiting, a customer left the third clerk’s station, and I was next … but first, I let the struggling mother go ahead, and she thanked me as she passed by.

I assumed she would go to the clerk on the left, but as she passed me, the middle window opened up, and she stopped there … so I went to the clerk on the left … who had now disappeared without warning.

I waited … and waited …and heard someone talking on the phone.

Finally, that third clerk appeared, and when she saw me, she asked, “Did I call you over here?”

I was startled.

I asked her, “What would you like me to do?”  I tried to explain that her window had been open … I didn’t know it had closed … I thought she would be there when I arrived … but she didn’t care.

Maybe I was supposed to wait until she said, “Next!”

I had violated some sort of unwritten protocol … like when George and Elaine visited the Soup Nazi and were told, “No soup for you!”

The clerk didn’t want to hear any explanations … and I was feeling very uncomfortable.  I’m not going to argue with a government employee in public … especially since I go to that post office all the time.

So I told her I would leave her station … told the next person in line to take my place … and got back in line and waited for another – more civil – clerk.

And when I did, I overheard that clerk talk to the next customer about me …  but I wasn’t going back to her window.

(I tend to be a charming and cooperative customer … unless my dignity is assaulted in public.)

When conflict arises – and it does nearly every day for most of us – God’s people need to be assertive (standing up for ourselves) without being aggressive (adding anger to assertiveness).

Theologian/author R. C. Sproul once visited a department store with his young daughter and felt that a clerk was treating him rudely.  Rather than address the clerk, Sproul said to his daughter – within earshot of the clerk: “When you grow up, I hope you learn to treat people with respect and dignity, unlike this clerk.”

Have you ever said anything like that?  I have … but there’s another way to handle things.

Proverbs 17:14 says, “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

Proverbs 20:3 adds, “It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”

If you find yourself in a conflict situation, and disagreement escalates into arguing, rather than fault the other person and exonerate yourself … sometimes the wisest course is to walk away.

Especially if you find yourself inside a government building.

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Where in this world would you like to visit?

Great cities like London and Paris?

Great countries like Italy and Switzerland?

Great cultures like China and Kenya?

Any great churches you’d like to visit?

For decades, I’ve had one prominent church on my Bucket List: Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California … where John MacArthur has been senior pastor for 44 years.

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Yesterday, I finally visited the church with my wife.

MacArthur has positively impacted my life and ministry.  When I was 14, I attended Hume Lake Christian Camp, and MacArthur was the featured speaker.  His personal testimony and practical teaching motivated me to dedicate my life to Christ and read Scripture on a daily basis.  For that reason, I will always be grateful to Pastor John for the way God has used him in my life.

When I became a pastor, I read his books on spiritual gifts, God’s will, giving, the Beatitudes, worship, and the armor of God, among others.  And I’ve heard him speak many times.

But for many believers, MacArthur has gained a reputation as being hypercritical about the charismatic movement, the seeker movement, and the emerging church movement, among others.

In fact, sometimes I’ve received the impression that MacArthur is against more than he’s for.

So I wanted to see for myself: how does Grace Community do church?  HDJDM?  (How does John do ministry?)

Here are my impressions:

*Community.  The church is located in what looks like an older lower-middle class area.

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*Parking.  The main lot at Grace is good-sized but cannot contain all the cars.  People parked beyond the canal adjacent to the property, across the street, and on neighborhood streets (which is where we parked).

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*Demographics.  The congregation was a cross-section of young and old as well as African-American, Hispanic, Asian, and Caucasian individuals and families.  The line into the women’s restroom was out the door.

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*Dress.  Many men wore suits – including Pastor MacArthur – but the majority dressed semi-casually.

*Music.  During the first service, only hymns like “My Faith Has Found a Resting Place” and “My Faith Looks up to Thee” were sung.  They were played by a small orchestra.  A 100-voice choir with robes sang a hymn, as did a soloist during the offering.  The congregation didn’t sing any contemporary worship songs.  Everyone used hymnals.

*Sermon.  Pastor John spoke on John 6:1-15, the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand.  He looked at his notes far more than at the congregation, which surprised me.  He used the phrase “the truth” repeatedly.  His message contained few – if any – stories, and was heavy on exegesis.  The outline was simple, not special.  The message lasted about 55 minutes.  Some around me were nodding off.

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*Worship center.  I was surprised that:

  1. Most of the walls in the worship center – which are made out of brick – were bare.  No banners.  No verses.  No mission statements.
  2. The back of the church was bustling during Pastor John’s message.  Because the worship center lacks a lobby, people walk from outside directly into the worship center or vice versa.  Whenever someone opens a door, light streams in, creating a distraction – especially if you’re sitting in the back, where we were.
  3. There were no video screens, so we couldn’t see the pastor’s face or gestures from our vantage point.
  4. Everyone sat in pews.  No chairs or theater seating.

*Worship times.  There were two services: one at 8:30 am, another at 10:30 am.  The first service lasted 1 hour, 36 minutes.

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Ministry booths: There’s a section called Grace Walk that is lined with attractive ministry booths.

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Seminary: The Master’s Seminary is located toward the parking lot as you enter/leave the campus.

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If you closed your eyes, you’d think you were in 1969 … the same year that Pastor John came to Grace … and yet the place felt 99% full.  Some were even standing against the back walls.  And yet when people in my area were asked to raise their hands if this was their first time at Grace, the ushers handed out zero promotional packets.  The church does have a Visitor and Information Center, though.

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Fundamentalists are known for being both theologically and methodologically conservative.  I’m with MacArthur on theological essentials (we graduated from the same seminary), but differ from him on ministry methods.

Jerry Falwell used to say, “If it’s old, it’s good.  If it’s new, it’s bad.”  That’s what I sensed about Grace’s worship service.  My guess is that little has changed since MacArthur came more than 4 decades ago, which is truly amazing.  No worship wars at Grace.

My overall impressions:

Grace Community Church knows who they are, what they stand for, and who they’re trying to reach.

People come far more to hear Pastor John speak than for the music or overall worship experience.

The church seems oblivious to trends in both the church and secular worlds.

Why change anything?  The church practices excellence and functions like a well-oiled machine, attracting thousands every Sunday.

When Pastor John retires or joins Jesus, succeeding Pastor John may be an issue … but right now, he’s still going strong.

And I appreciate Pastor John because – even if you don’t agree with him – the church of Jesus Christ needs more prophetic voices.  Most pastors today are afraid to speak boldly on controversial issues because they don’t want to offend anybody.  If more pastors spoke prophetically – teaching God’s Word without regard for consequences – Pastor John wouldn’t stand out so much.

I was excited to visit Grace, but probably wouldn’t make this my church home.  Because I grew up in fundamentalist churches, I’ve been trying to escape their rigid outlook and judgmental tone for much of my life.  While I resonate with Grace’s emphasis on truth, I need a church that presents that truth in more contemporary and relevant packaging.

I wish Pastor John and Grace Community Church well as they reach people for Christ in a way that makes sense for them.

And I pray that they extend that same Grace to those pastors who do church differently than they do.

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Have you ever spoken in public and felt you bombed afterwards?

That happened to me on the day my daughter was born.

The men in our district were holding a rally at a local church, and someone asked me – one of the new area pastors – to be the guest speaker.

I sensed that God wanted me to talk about the power of the Holy Spirit, and so I prepared diligently … even working on my talk in my wife’s hospital room, both before and after birth.

Dinner that night went fine.  I received a polite introduction.  Then I started to speak … looked at the 85 men gathered in that room … and could barely talk.

For some reason, I couldn’t control my heartbeat … or my breathing … and my throat locked up on me.

I would talk … fight for air … gulp … but not be able to punch out the last few words of a sentence.

Was I embarrassed!  I wanted to die … especially when I noticed the unpleasant demeanor of a pastor whom I suspected didn’t like me anyway.

I had experienced one episode like this before: while preaching during Homiletics class in seminary.  While preaching on Christ’s temptation, the heartbeat/breathing/throat thing happened for the first time ever.  It got so bad that my professor came to the pulpit, stood next to me, and prayed for me in front of the class.

Billy Graham had nothing to worry about.

The following week, I gave the same message in class, and got through it just fine, so I figured that strange occurrence was an anomaly.

And for the next three years, I didn’t have any repeat episodes … until that scary August night.

Had I spoken well, I might have received invitations to be a guest speaker at other churches in the future.  But because I messed up, those invitations weren’t forthcoming.

I honestly didn’t know what had happened to me.  We didn’t have the internet then, so I couldn’t look up my symptoms online.  So years later, I went to the library and discovered a term that best described what happened:

Globus hystericus.

The English version?  Stage fright.

I learned that even singers like Carly Simon and Van Morrison have battled stage fright over the years.

While speaking in public bothers many people, I had always enjoyed it.  I told jokes when my extended family got together … volunteered to read in front of other students in school … talked in front of my youth group constantly … and preached to my home church dozens of times before – all without any problems.

But the seminary class and the men’s rally had one common factor: I wasn’t speaking to people I knew, but to strangers … and in some cases, unfriendly faces.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, it felt like I was on trial.

For the next few years, I spoke exclusively to my home church, and had few problems.  But when our church made plans to start over in a new location, I feared that I might experience stage fright again – and if I bombed, I wondered if my ministry career might be over.

Out of desperation, I made an appointment with a Christian counselor friend.  After I reluctantly shared my problem, he listed my options … including taking a beta blocker, which is designed to combat anxiety.

I opted for the beta blocker – which had to be prescribed by my doctor – and could not believe the difference.

When I spoke, I didn’t gasp for breath.  My heart didn’t race.  My throat didn’t lock up.  I could speak freely.

I stayed on the beta blocker for 7 or 8 years, but it was blunting my emotions, so I stopped taking it … and haven’t had a problem with speaking since.

By struggling with speaking, I learned three lessons:

First, everybody struggles with speaking at one time or another.

I once watched George H. W. Bush give his State of the Nation speech before Congress.  He gulped seven times.

Nearly 15 years ago, I was in the audience as my favorite preacher spoke before a group of pastors.  For the first five minutes, he struggled to regulate his breathing.

If a President and one of America’s greatest pastors sometimes struggle with public speaking, then I shouldn’t beat myself up when I struggle, either.

I just need to stay calm, take a deep breath, and keep going.

Second, there is help available if you’ll seek it out.

The night I bombed out before those men, I went home to an empty house because my wife was still in the hospital.

I called a long-time friend who was also a pastor.  He listened to my pain and encouraged me.  I don’t recall anything he said … just that he cared.

And I don’t think I confided in anyone until I consulted with that Christian counselor, who helped me immediately.

If I had only humbled myself and seen him sooner …

Third, sometimes our unresolved problems aren’t spiritual in nature.

I imagined that if I mentioned my problem to a Christian leader, that person would tell me that my problem was spiritual. 

They would say, “You’re not praying enough.  You’re obviously not prepared.  You must not be called to preach.”

That’s why I went to a Christian counselor.  But he didn’t diagnose my problem as being spiritual or even psychological.  In his mind, my problem was physical.

And when I corrected the physical problem, it was amazing how much more effective I became spiritually.

If you’re struggling with some issue right now, realize that others struggle with your issue … there is help available … and your problem may not be spiritual at all.

Now I don’t struggle with public speaking … but with putting what I write on the internet.

How has God helped you overcome your struggles?

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Okay, I turned 60 years of age today.  So what?

I don’t know if 60 is the new 30 or the new 50, but I feel pretty good overall.

In fact, one of the moms at my wife’s preschool said last week that she thought I was 45.

Bless her.

Let me share five reflections I have about turning 60:

First, my core personality hasn’t changed.

I’m still a bit more on the introverted side … see humor where others don’t … try to under-promise and over-deliver … struggle with perfectionism … and strive to tell the truth.

A Christian counselor once told me, “Your greatest strength is your tenderness.  And your greatest weakness is your tenderness.”  With that single comment, he nailed me!

On the Myers-Briggs test, the word that best describes my type is “Super-Dependable.”  I guess that means that people can count on me.

But I’m also more flexible now … more understanding … and much more spontaneous.  In that sense, I’ve grown … a lot.

Second, my interests have only changed slightly.

I grew up a voracious reader, and still love books.  But I now have more books in the garage than in my study.  I’m slowly developing a library on the Kindle because it’s easier to hold an e-reader at night in bed than a large hardback volume.  Favorite genre: non-fiction.  I haven’t read fiction – with the exception of the Sherlock Holmes stories – since devouring The Hardy Boys in Jr. High.

I still love sports – baseball, football, and basketball – and I’m blessed that all my teams (the Dodgers, Angels, Giants, 49ers, and Lakers) have won championships throughout the years.  But somewhere along the line, I became more fascinated with a player’s character than his talent.  I root for classy, modest, team-oriented players and teams.  I detest thoughtless, showy, and me-first guys.  And I still have a great interest in baseball from the 1900s-1950s, probably because I wrote to – and heard from – so many players from those eras … like Wahoo Sam Crawford, Max Carey, and George Sisler.

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Music is central to who I am.  I love both great melodies and meaningful lyrics presented creatively.  Favorite groups: The Beatles and U2.  Favorite genres: folk-rock (Bob Dylan, Simon & Garfunkel, The Byrds) and Celtic-flavored (The Corrs and Van Morrison).  Favorite era: the British Invasion and the late 1960s.  Favorite Christian artists: Phil Keaggy, Twila Paris, Delirious? and Iona.  I’ve seen most of the above artists in concert – some twice – and consider myself blessed to have seen and heard them.  But I’m still expanding my musical horizons.  (You should see my Music Wish List on Amazon.)

U2 Concert in Oakland Nov. 9, 2005 091Paul McCartney in Phoenix March 28, 2010 132

Third, I have been blessed with wonderful friends. 

Growing up, most of my friends loved sports, and to my knowledge, none took drugs.  (I don’t remember being offered drugs of any kind.)  My friends were welcome in my home, and I was welcome in theirs.  We all knew each other’s parents.

My three best friends growing up were Ken, Steve, and Dave.

Ken brought me to his church – Village Bible – where I eventually met my wife Kim.

Orange County Church Pictures April 1, 2005 006Ryan's 33rd Birthday - Ken Ho Aug. 31-Sept. 1, 2012 075

I brought Steve to Village, where he met his wife Janie.

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Dave attended Village as well, and we both attended Biola and Talbot together, graduating both times.  (Dave is in the middle.)

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All my friends love the Lord and have solid families.  Their fingerprints are all over my life.  I am who I am largely because of them.

Fourth, I am devoted to my family.

My father wasn’t around much when I was a kid – he worked two jobs – but when he was home, he put his family first, and his example rubbed off on me.

Jim and His Dad

For example, on May 1, 1963 (yes, I remember the date), my dad took me and my brother John out of school to watch the Yankees play the Los Angeles Angels at Chavez Ravine (aka Dodger Stadium).  I hated the Yankees then (still do) and they won 7-0 (Whitey Ford pitched a shutout, and Joe Pepitone hit a grand slam).  But what I remember most is that my dad wanted to spend time with me.

25 years later, I took my kids Ryan and Sarah out of school and took them to spring training in Arizona for a week.  (Yes, their teachers knew.  Yes, they made up their homework.)  I learned that little trick 50 years ago from my dad.

After my father died, my mother had to raise three kids – ages 13, 10, and 5 – by herself.  She learned to drive, went back to school, and worked full-time to support us.  I don’t know how she did it, but I will never forget the sacrifices she made for her family and how she held us all together.

Thanks, Mom.

Ryan's Wedding Aug. 19-21, 2011 077

Finally, I still love Jesus Christ.

My favorite verse is 2 Corinthians 5:21: God made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Jesus died for me.  In fact, the Son incarnate became Sin incarnate on the cross.  I do not deserve that kind of love and cannot fathom it.  But I believe that the Father gave me the righteousness of His Son when I received Christ, and for that I am eternally grateful.

I just finished reading Robert Hilburn’s book Johnny Cash: The Life.  Cash grew up on gospel songs and hymns, and wanted to record those songs throughout his life, even when his record company didn’t think those albums would sell.  Even when he turned his back on God, Cash remembered those songs.

Seven years ago, my daughter Sarah and I visited Blenheim Palace near Oxford, boyhood home of Winston Churchill.  As we walked across the lawn on the way to his gravesite, I started singing gospel songs that I hadn’t sang in nearly 50 years.  Sarah didn’t know most of the songs – they were before her time – but I’ve never forgotten them.

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The songs … my Bible … my Christian friends … my church homes … and my family … have all kept me walking with the Lord over the years.

As I look back on the first 60 years of my life, I consider myself wealthy beyond measure.

Thank you for being in my life as well.

___________

I apologize for sending out a draft of this article earlier today.  I meant to hit “Save Draft” and hit “Publish” instead, then had to remove the article since it wasn’t ready for prime time.  Thanks for understanding!

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Tomorrow is Halloween.  I loved Halloween as a kid.  I don’t love it anymore.

Why not?  As I described in my book Church Coup, events occurred on Halloween four years ago that changed the way I view the day forever.

Simply put, in the midst of a church conflict, my family was spiritually attacked on October 31.  I witnessed the attack, along with several others.  It was frightening … custom-designed … and very, very real.

The intent?  To destroy my family and my ministry.

In the book, I chose not to reveal the details of the attack which did not originate from humans, but from the enemy of our souls.

Satan is real.  He hates God the Father …  Jesus Christ … Jesus’ church and followers … and even you.  If the devil and his hordes cannot keep a person from following Jesus, they will seek to neutralize or even eliminate that believer’s impact so that Christ’s kingdom cannot advance through them.

If you’re courageous enough to keep reading, let me share a story that I left out of my book.

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Kim and I had seen Satan at work in Silicon Valley nearly twenty years before.  Santa Clara County has a much larger array of agnostics and atheists than almost anywhere in the United States, so it’s a spiritually resistant area.  We were launching a new church in a warehouse located at a busy intersection when our family suddenly began to receive obscene phone calls at home.  An anonymous caller continually left menacing messages taken from a Three Stooges short or a movie.

One time, the caller left a message taken from the soundtrack to the film The Poseidon Adventure.  Gene Hackman plays a minister trying to lead survivors out of a large ship that had capsized.  Ernest Borgnine’s character says to him at one point, “I’ve had just about enough out of you, preacher.”  That very quotation from the lips of Borgnine’s character was left on our machine!  When I consulted with Dr. Ed Murphy, a worldwide expert in spiritual warfare, he surmised that someone had put a curse on our church.

Dr. Murphy writes about this issue in The Handbook of Spiritual Warfare:

“Cursing is not used in the Old Testament with the Western idea of swearing or speaking dirty words.  Cursing in the Old Testament is a power concept meant to release negative spiritual power against the object, person, or place being cursed.  This is true even when God does the cursing.  In fact, most curse expressions in Scripture refer to God’s action or the action of His servants in accordance with His will.  It is God releasing His power or judgment.  That is why I call it negative spirit power even when activated by God.”[1]

Dr. Murphy continues:

“Many believers have been victims of the curses of the Enemy pronounced by the Enemy’s power workers…. Such curses, to be most powerful, are ‘worked up’ by invocations to the spirits and satanic magic.  They are overcome only by the greater power of God.  Sometimes God does not automatically overcome those curses on our behalf, however.  We are to learn the world of spirit power curses and break them ourselves.  Thus the importance of group spiritual warfare praying.”[2]

After our grand opening, our church quickly became the second largest Protestant church in our city, but we constantly sensed there were strong spiritual forces working against us.  When our warehouse church found itself between leases, the owner forced us to move out, and in the process, we lost one-third of our attendees overnight.  It was only then that I discovered that some illicit activities had been occurring at the intersection where our church was located.  The massage parlor diagonally across the intersection from us was the scene of a host of immoral sexual activity, and our immediate area had become a haven for drug dealers.  When our church moved into that warehouse, we were invading Satan’s territory.  No wonder he fought us so hard the whole time we were there!

Our church moved to a high school five miles away and I eventually scheduled a series of messages on controversial issues.  The night before I was scheduled to speak on A Christian View of Homosexuality, all hell broke loose in our home and church.  Without going into detail, the spiritual warfare I experienced before I gave that message was so real that I could almost smell sulfur – and I did give the message.  But I was so attacked the night before that I felt compelled to write a resignation letter because I sensed that my wife and I had become special targets of Satan.  While I never submitted the letter to the board, I resigned a few months later because, for the first and only time in our lives, our marriage had become severely strained due to events at church.

__________

There are several more stories in the book that discuss the spiritual warfare that new church experienced.  It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.  While I’ve sensed the influence of Satan at various junctures during my 36-year church career, the occasions I’ve just described represent the two worst attacks I’ve experienced.  Satan and his minions tend to leave pastors and churches alone when the mission is muddled, few people are converted, and the church fails to make inroads into the community.  But when a church penetrates the spiritual Red Zone – to use a football analogy – the evil one begins to target the quarterback (pastor) with blitzes and cheap shots designed to knock him out of the game … all the more reason why the quarterback needs a skilled and determined line to protect him.

This is a good time of year to remember that while Satan is real and powerful … our God is more powerful still.

Jesus gave Paul a mission in Acts 26:17-18.  It’s ours as well: “I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.”

Our Lord and Savior told Paul that Satan is real … that he has power … that he wants people to remain in spiritual darkness … that he wants people to wallow in an unforgiven state … but that he has already been defeated at the cross.

But we cannot defeat Satan by fighting each other.  Fellow believers are not the enemy.  The enemy is the enemy.

Let’s unite together and fight him instead.


      [1] Dr. Ed Murphy, Handbook of Spiritual Warfare (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1992), 442.

      [2] Ibid, 444.

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How much do you know about great Christian leaders like John Knox, William Carey, David Livingstone, John Bunyan, and Johann Sebastian Bach?

If you’re like most Christians, probably not much.  But these men – and their wives – paved the way for evangelical Christianity to make significant inroads into their cultures … and our world.

I just finished reading all 502 pages of William J. Petersen’s book 25 Surprising Marriages: How Great Christians Struggled to Make Their Marriages Work by reading a mere 6 pages per day … and I didn’t want the book to end.

In fact, when I was done, I immediately wrote a glowing review of the book on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/25-Surprising-Marriages-Christians-Struggled/dp/1601261500/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1383001942&sr=1-1&keywords=25+surprising+marriages

Why did this book resonate with me so much?

First, I learned so much about the accomplishments of these impactful Christian leaders.  For example, did you know that:

*Hudson Taylor shocked his missionary colleagues in China by dressing like a Chinese teacher … complete with shaved head and pigtails?

*John Knox laid the groundwork for modern democracy by challenging Scotland to fight against unjust rulers?

John Knox House, Royal Mile, Edinburgh, Scotland
John Knox House, Royal Mile, Edinburgh, Scotland

*George Muller built orphanages in England by faith and prayer … and without asking for either public or private funds?

*William Carey – British missionary to India – learned foreign languages like Greek, Latin, Hebrew, French, Dutch and Italian in his spare time?

*David Livingstone sought to explore the interior of Africa because he believed that if slave traders got there first, Africans would never be open to the gospel?

*John Bunyan used to play tipcat – an early form of baseball – on Sunday afternoons?  (Had to throw that one in.)

*Francis Schaeffer was unknown outside his small denomination until he was in his fifties?

*When Johann Sebastian Bach was offered the job of music director in Leipzig, a councilman mumbled, “Since we cannot get the best, we will have to be satisfied with a mediocre one?”

*The great Jonathan Edwards – one of America’s premier thinkers – was forced out of his first pastorate?

*Adoniram Judson – an American – was imprisoned and tortured because the Burmese couldn’t distinguish Americans from Brits?

*John Calvin made so many enemies in Geneva that people used to name their dogs “Calvin?”

The Christian faith didn’t start the day you were born.  Our faith largely comes from Europe – especially Germany – through England and Scotland to the US.  The story of how it came to us is fascinating.

Second, I learned that getting and being married can be agonizing!

Did you know that:

*Hudson Taylor wrote Maria’s uncle in England to request her hand in marriage, unaware that Miss Addersley (Maria’s guardian and employer) had written to ask the uncle to turn down the proposal?

*Martin Luther married a runaway nun?  (Luther said that his marriage would “please his father, rile the pope, make angels laugh and devils weep, and would seal his testimony.”)

Castle Church in Wittenburg, Germany
Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany
Place where Luther posted his 95 Theses, Castle Church
Place where Luther posted his 95 Theses, Castle Church

*C.S. Lewis married a former avowed atheist and Communist who had been divorced … and when he finally married Joy, they hid it from almost everybody?

*John Wesley did not marry Grace – the woman he really loved – because his brother Charles (the great hymn writer) arranged for Grace to be married to another man?

John Wesley Statue in front of Wesley Chapel
John Wesley Statue in front of Wesley Chapel, London

*John Wesley then married Molly, and that their marriage was “a miserable failure,” causing Wesley to write later in life, “Love is rot?”

*William Carey’s wife Dorothy became severely depressed in India … and never really came out of it?  (Some think she went insane.)

*David Livingstone disappeared for 4 1/2 years while exploring the interior of Africa … and that his wife assumed that she would never see him again?  (She did.  When I saw his memorial in Westminster Abbey, I was so moved that I burst into tears.)

*Billy Graham’s wife Ruth once dug her shoes into Billy’s shins (so he would avoid discussing politics) when US President LBJ asked Billy who his running mate should be before the 1964 election?

*John Bunyan was 31 when he married his second wife Elizabeth … and that she was only 16 or 17?

Tomb of John Bunyan, Bunhill Fields, London
Tomb of John Bunyan, Bunhill Fields, London

*Francis Schaeffer first met Edith by ordering her to break a date with another guy?

*Jonathan Edwards and his wife Sarah lived in a state of siege and rarely left their house for three years during the French and Indian War?

*Adoniram Judson’s wife Nancy developed a liver ailment in Burma and sailed to America for treatment … returning 28 months later?

*John Calvin put together a search team to find him a wife … and after three recommendations, was still a bachelor?

Third, I learned that these leaders willingly suffered for their faith in Christ.

Compared to these men and women, Hollywood knows little about love … and we Christians know little about suffering.

So many of these great leaders lost infants in childbirth and lost children to diseases.

They worried about finances … endured incredible hardships … and did it all because they believed God had called them to their particular ministry.

Missionaries like Hudson Taylor, William Carey, and Adoniram Judson and their wives sailed for months before arriving at their destinations.  Once they arrived in Asia, they not only faced hardships from the native people, but also from fellow missionaries.

And these people gave up so much to serve Christ.  For example, before Adoniram Judson sailed for Asia, he wrote the following letter to Nancy’s father:

“I have now to ask whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death.”

Surprisingly, both Nancy and her father agreed that she could marry Adoniram – who became the first American foreign missionary – even though she never saw her family again.

Finally, I resonated with a few of these leaders more than others.

I love Charles Spurgeon’s command of the English language … Billy Sunday’s affinity for baseball … John Knox’s courage in preaching God’s Word … and the desire of Jonathan Edwards and John Calvin to study and write without messing with “people problems.”

I could also relate to the fact that some of these leaders – notably Luther, Bach, Schaeffer, and Calvin – struggled at times with their temper.

Out of them all, I was more amazed by the stories of the missionaries – the Careys, the Livingstones, and the Judsons – than any of the rest.

In fact, some were so moving and meaningful that somebody should turn them into films.  We need to hear these stories … especially in our churches.

My prayer is that you will hear them too … by obtaining Petersen’s book and reading them for yourself.

Let me know what you think!

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Many interesting events have occurred on October 24 throughout history:

*Jane Seymour, third wife of King Henry VIII of England, died 12 days after childbirth in 1537.

*The 40-hour work week began in the Unites States in 1940.

*The charter of the United Nations officially came into effect in 1945.

*The great Dodger Hall of Famer, Jackie Robinson, died at age 53 in 1972.

*The Toronto Blue Jays defeated the Atlanta Braves, 4-3, in Game 6 to win the 1992 World Series.

But on a more personal note, events that surfaced on October 24, 2009 signified the conclusion of a fruitful church ministry for my wife Kim and me, which I’ve detailed in my book Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict.  (If you don’t have a copy, you can order one by clicking on the picture on the right.)

Since we resigned and left the church in December 2009, I’ve started a blog (303 articles and counting), formed a non-profit ministry, written a book, conducted seminars on addressing conflict biblically, and counseled lay leaders, staff members, and pastors who are undergoing conflict in their churches.

I plan to continue doing this – and much more – as long as God gives me breath.

But I’ve never celebrated online the wonderful ministry that my wife Kim and I enjoyed for nearly that entire 10 1/2-year period.  In all my writing, I’ve never even mentioned the name of the church where we served or the city where it’s located … and that policy will continue.

Most of the time, my memory won’t allow me to mentally navigate to any time before 2009.  But just looking through pictures of happier times evokes a positive emotional reaction for me, which is why I’m glad I took thousands of photos documenting our ministry.

Rather than recount the pain, today I’d like to remember times, events, and people that the Lord blessed … and that once again bring a smile to my face.

____________________

In 1999, the Lord led my wife Kim and me to a church that we didn’t really want to serve.  The church building was invisible from the street and located at the end of a long parking lot (behind the trees in the photo) … and yet perched on a beautiful lagoon.

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A group of 29 parties banded together and donated funds for us to have a down payment on a house … just 30 seconds from the water.

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The Lord blessed the ministry to the extent that we became the largest Protestant church in our city and eventually built a worship center on the church’s small, one acre property.

BFCC Building Pictures Oct. 10, 2005 038BFCC Building Pictures Oct. 10, 2005 016BFCC Grand Opening Sunday Nov. 6, 2005 011

Several years later, 785 people attended our two worship services on Easter … more than maximizing the small campus.  That year, the congregation donated nearly a million dollars to the ministry.

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We hosted many outreach events on our campus, like Summer Bible Camp for kids …

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and Western Fall Fun Fest for families every Halloween.

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We penetrated our community by marching in the city’s annual Fourth of July Parade, passing out literature about our ministry, and even winning several trophies.

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Our church also took four mission trips to Moldova.  The first time, I taught a course on Christian marriage – the final course in a 3-year leadership training program – with the graduates pictured below.

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Three years later, I taught pastors and leaders in Moldova how to manage conflict in their ministries … right before walking into my own conflict back home.

Moldova Photos 1 Oct. 2009 490Moldova Photos 1 Oct. 2009 491

Kim also led two teams to Kenya, culminating in generous donations from our congregation and community for the building of a well in a remote village many hours from Nairobi.  Kim led a team for the dedication of the well.  In the photo below, Pastor Peter obtains water from the well, and then …

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Kim meets Stephen Musyoka, who was then Vice President of Kenya.  He flew into the village via helicopter for the dedication.

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One of the great things about Kim is that she adapts to any situation, whether it’s joking with a VP …

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speaking in front of a village …

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or sharing the gospel using the Wordless Book.

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Throughout the entire 10 1/2 years at the church, Kim and I served as a team.  Our daughter Sarah came around at key times as well.

Easter @ BFCC April 8, 2007 024BFCC Mystery on the Menu Event 001024

In retrospect, it’s good that I left the church when I did.  While I’m still not crazy about how we left, God will handle those things.

My friend and mentor Dr. Charles Chandler says that while a church can take your job, they can never take your calling.   That’s certainly true.

But there’s something else that no person or group can ever take away: the hundreds of lives that were changed through that ministry.

When I first entered Talbot Seminary in 1975, my initial class was with Dr. Charles Feinberg, who was a legend in Christian circles.

Dr. Feinberg told our class, “If you can do anything other than being a pastor, do it.”

I’ve felt that way many times!

But I’m glad for the 36 years that God allowed me to serve him in pastoral ministry.

And I’m grateful that God now allows me to help other pastors and churches navigate their way through conflict situations.

It’s my personality to draw on past experiences to help others … and yet none of us can afford to dwell on the past too much.

As baseball immortal Satchel Paige used to say, “Don’t look back.  Something might be gaining on you.”

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  1 Peter 5:10

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