Five years ago today, October 24, 2009, I attended a board meeting at the church I had served as pastor for ten-and-a-half years. The meeting began with a surprising and shocking announcement.
Within fifty days, the senior pastor (me), associate pastor, outreach director (my wife), youth director, and all six board members resigned. Many others eventually left the church – some quitting church altogether – all stemming from the announcement made at that meeting.
When something triggers my memory, I mentally and emotionally relive that day.
Although I was not guilty of any impeachable offense – and my conscience has been clear on that for five years – that meeting ended up catapulting me out of a thirty-six-year pastoral career.
Because I want to prevent other pastors, church leaders, and congregations from experiencing something similar, I wrote a book about that fifty-day struggle called Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict, published by Xulon in early 2013.
With the benefit of time, formal training, personal study, and conversations with Christian leaders, I’d like to share five cautions for Christians to observe when their pastor is under attack:
Caution One: if you have a personal grievance with your pastor, follow Scripture before you do anything else.
If you’re upset with your pastor personally, don’t tell your friends, pool grievances with others, or seek to have the pastor removed from office.
Instead, follow Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”
In this case, your pastor is your brother.
Personal conflicts with a pastor sometimes spread to the entire congregation because Jesus’ followers fail to obey His directives.
At my wife’s preschool, she tells children who are fighting, “Use your words.” She has them sit down at a green table and discuss their differences between themselves. She tells me that so far, in every single case, the children have successfully worked matters out. They share feelings, say “I’m sorry,” and walk away with matters resolved.
Can Christians learn from preschoolers?
If you do speak with your pastor about a personal grievance, and you’re not satisfied with his response, you can follow Jesus’ steps in Matthew 18:16-17 and 1 Timothy 5:19-21.
But most people who have a personal grievance with a pastor never speak with him directly. Instead, they share their feelings with others – which is how Satan starts firestorms in churches.
Please: if you won’t discuss your grievance with your pastor personally, then let it go … or leave your church.
But above all: follow Scripture.
Caution Two: you don’t know the real story until you’ve heard the whole story.
I watched the news several days ago about the shootings at the Canadian Parliament in Ottawa. Some of the initial reports (there were two shooters, one shooter was a member of al Qaeda) proved not to be true. We’ll learn more about what happened with each passing day.
When a pastor is under fire, the initial accounts you hear may not be true. If you believe and distribute those reports without solid evidence, you may be responsible for spreading rumors that will hurt people and damage your congregation’s soul.
The only way to know the whole story is to:
*exercise patience
*wait for an official investigation
*hear all sides of the issue
*discount anyone who intends to hurt or punish the pastor
During a conflict, it’s tempting to adopt the viewpoint of your friends so you’ll fit in. After all, if you disagree too strongly with their views, they might freeze you out from their inner circle.
But if you jump on the “kick out the pastor” bandwagon, you may later be viewed with suspicion as someone who overreacts. It’s far better to wait for the truth to come out – and that may take months.
Fifteen days after our conflict surfaced, I sat in two meetings of the congregation (totaling three-and-a-half hours) and did not say a word in my own defense. I suppose many people assumed that I was guilty of the charges because I did not respond to them.
But the consultant who was present that Sunday had advised me not to say anything in the meetings, and I promised him I wouldn’t. If I had spoken up, I could have exposed the entire plot and decimated my critics, but I didn’t. In fact, I never said one word in any public church meetings in my own defense.
And then I waited more than three years to tell my story in writing.
I wonder … how many people waited for the whole story to come out before hardening their opinions?
Caution Three: insist that church leaders use love first, and only use power when love doesn’t work.
My only secular work experience was at McDonalds, where I worked two (long) years as a teenager.
When the management at McDonald’s wanted the crew to do something, they used threats.
If we stole food, they promised to fire us. If we stole money, they said they’d prosecute us.
The managers at McDonald’s used power to keep their employees in line, but love wasn’t part of their modus operandi.
However, when I began serving in church ministry, leaders used love to keep staff members in line. When I messed up, someone spoke to me directly. They aimed for restoration. They forgave me when I admitted mistakes. They would only resort to power if their attempts at love failed … and with me, love always worked.
As a pastor, I served with church boards for twenty-five years, and whenever we had a disagreement, or a board member was unhappy with me, someone would speak to me in love. We’d discuss matters, resolve the issue, and move on. Since love worked, power wasn’t necessary.
But in my last ministry, I ran into a board that began to use power first. They made decisions outside meetings, and then announced them inside meetings without my input or approval. This had never happened to me before.
I believe that a pastor and a church board should work together. If the pastor wants to make major changes, he needs to run them through the board first. If the board wants to make major changes, they need to run them by the pastor first.
But toward the end of my tenure, that didn’t happen. When board members were unhappy with me, no one sat down and spoke with me in love.
Those tactics sent the church into a spiral.
Paul writes in Galatians 6:1, “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”
No power moves are mentioned in that verse. If someone – like a pastor – is caught in a sin, God’s Word doesn’t say to punish him harshly. It says to “restore him gently.”
I never felt any love. I never sensed any desire for restoration. I never heard the voice of God coming through their pronouncements. Instead, I sensed a desire to get even.
It became personal.
The hatred ended my pastoral career and spread throughout the church. It’s been difficult to recover my heart.
Where was God’s grace?
Several months ago, I attended conflict intervention training with Peter Steinke, who works with mainline churches. Out of eleven people taking the training, I was the only person with a Baptist background. At one point, Steinke asked me, “What’s with the Baptists? They seem to see the pastor as being all good or all bad.”
I don’t have an answer for that.
Caution Four: protect the reputation of your church’s pastor and leaders.
I hear lots of stories of pastors who are pushed out of their churches, usually by the governing board.
These pastors – who have devoted their entire lives to serving Jesus – are petrified that their forced exits will end their pastoral careers.
And humanly speaking, they have good reason to feel that way.
I know a pastor who served his church faithfully for more than twenty years. After he was forced to resign, vicious rumors started flying around the church about him.
Six months later, when a church showed interest in him as a pastoral candidate, they nearly dropped him from consideration because people from the pastor’s former church called the search team in an effort to smear the pastor’s reputation.
To their credit, the church called the pastor anyway … but that’s often not what happens. False accusations – which are often feeling-based rather than fact-based – have a way of making the rounds in the Christian community.
Some churches drop a candidate from consideration if they perceive there’s even a hint of failure in his past. And some forced-out pastors are so devastated by assaults on their character that they assume they’ll never secure another church position.
Pastors are not evil. Sometimes they’re not matched well with a church or community. Sometimes they were effective early in their tenure but can’t take the church to the next level. Sometimes they’re burned out and hanging on for dear life, reluctant to share that information with church leaders because they’re afraid they’ll be instantly dismissed.
But should a pastor be chased out of a church if things aren’t going well?
How do professing Christians harm the reputation of their present or former pastor?
*They attribute false motives to the pastor.
*They naively believe every negative thing they hear about him.
*They disseminate those charges through the telephone and social media.
*They spread rumors and innuendos about the pastor without confirmation.
*They conclude that the pastor is so evil that he needs to leave the church … and maybe ministry altogether.
But these “believers” seem unaware of one basic truth:
When a pastor is attacked from within, the church is attacked as well. And the being behind that attack is always Satan.
Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5:12, “Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.”
How does God want believers to act toward their pastors?
“Respect … hold in the highest regard … love … live in peace.”
That’s a far cry from Satan’s strategy: to destroy pastors through deception.
The allegations you spread can ruin a pastor’s life. Do you want that on your resume?
Caution Five: ask God to show you your part in the conflict, and to make things right with anyone you harmed.
Paul wrote to the church at Corinth in 2 Corinthians 12:20: “For I am afraid that when I come … there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.” Those words perfectly describe what happens inside a church when a major conflict breaks out.
But how many people, if any, ever repent for their part in causing quarreling, slander, and disorder?
From all my conversations over the years, I can only recall a handful of times when those who collaborated to force out a pastor later apologized to him:
*Four staff members revolted against a pastor I know. After they all resigned, one staff member sent a letter of apology … seven years later.
*A pastor friend served as an interim at a church where the board had pushed out the pastor. The board chairman stood up in the congregation and confessed his part in the coup. The board later extended the pastor’s severance package.
*One of my college professors served as the pastor of a megachurch for many years. He was eventually forced to resign, but when a new pastor came, he invited the former pastor back and the congregation apologized to him for the way they had mistreated him.
*A pastor recently told me that someone confessed their part in removing him from office … seventeen years after the fact.
Several years ago, I discovered a place online where the names and photos of nearly all my detractors were visible. They were all connected to one individual who had opposed my ministry for years – Grand Central Station for anyone who didn’t like me. Didn’t surprise me one bit.
Not one has ever admitted their part in forcing my departure.
May God forgive them all.
Although I’m retired from church ministry, I am reaching several thousands every month through my blogs. If you enter the words “terminate pastor” into a search engine, mine is usually the top entry on Yahoo’s first page, and I’m on Google’s first page as well. I reach far more people through writing than I ever did through preaching, which is all God’s doing.
I am content to be where God has placed me.
I know very little about what’s happening at my last church. I refuse to do to others what was done to me. I have never spoken with the pastor. I never visit the website. I only have twelve friends on Facebook who still attend the church, and we never discuss church happenings.
Those were good years, for the most part. I wish the church well.
And I pray that church – and your church – will always know God’s peace.
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Restoring Kingdom Builders 
Fresh Perspectives on Pastoral Attacks
Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged attacks on pastors; church antagonists; pastors battling antagonists; pastors and post traumatic stress, pastoral termination on November 18, 2014| 4 Comments »
I recently ran across a book on church conflict, antagonism, and pastoral termination that was new to me, although it was first published in 2010.
It’s called When Sheep Attack by Dennis R. Maynard. Dr. Maynard has been in church ministry for 38 years. He once served as the pastor of a church in Houston that is the largest Episcopal church in the United States. He has also served as a consultant to more than 100 churches of various denominations in the United States and Canada.
Dr. Maynard conducted a study of 25 pastors who had been forced out of their churches. At the time they were attacked, each pastor was leading a dynamic and growing congregation. In other words, these were all highly competent individuals.
After examining the data, Dr. Maynard came to the following conclusions:
“We can no longer afford the luxury of denying that there are dysfunctional personalities in congregations that want to hurt clergy.”
“The methods used by the antagonists to attack clergy and divide congregations follow an identifiable pattern.”
“The impact of these attacks on clergy, their families and the congregations they serve is devastating.”
“Ultimately, in order to neutralize the work of the antagonists all the ‘players’ in the congregational system must work together.”
Dr. Maynard then made the following points, followed by my comments:
“We are dealing with a generation that believes they are the authorities in all areas despite the fact that they have no training or experience.”
There are handfuls of people in every church who believe they know how to lead, preach, administrate, and shepherd better than their own pastor. There’s just one problem: God hasn’t called them to church ministry. But believing themselves the most important individuals in their church, they set out to force out their pastor by any means necessary.
“Antagonists … thrive on being critical. They enjoy conflict. They have extremely controlling personalities. They get their feelings hurt easily and turn those hurt feelings into anger, bitterness, resentment and ultimately revenge. They are bulldozers fueled by a tank full of grudges.”
I remember one man who left our church in a huff. He tried to negotiate his way back by demanding that I give him access to me 24/7. I couldn’t do it. He was full of rage.
“Every clergy person reported that they inherited an ‘untouchable staff member often in the guise of an active retired clergy or a retired rector [pastor]’…. They are untouchable because of the political alliances they’ve made with the ‘right people’ in the congregation.”
This is the first time I’ve ever read such a statement, but it makes perfect sense. Some staff members always survive because they’re far more political than spiritual.
“Would it surprise you to know that in my consultations more often than not it was the active or retired pastoral associate that was the chaplain to the antagonists intent on tearing down the rector? If not, then it won’t surprise you to learn just whom the antagonists wanted to be named as the next interim or possibly permanent rector.”
The current associate pastor is likely to become “chaplain” to the antagonists and be their choice as the interim or next pastor. My experience resonates with this statement.
“Antagonists … have no interest in dialogue, compromise, forgiveness or reconciliation. Their goal from the beginning is the removal and often the destruction of the rector.”
How very sad. Those who oppose the pastor refuse to use biblical or relational means of resolving their differences with their pastor. Instead, they demand that he leave the church.
“The antagonists refuse to deal with their own flaws by demanding perfection in their priest. As long as they are able to stay focused on the priest’s failure to achieve their impossible standards they don’t have to consider their own.”
The other night, I asked a longtime pastor friend why pastors are breaking down at such an alarming rate. He believes the problem is perfectionism: the pastor demands perfection of himself, and the congregation demands perfection of their pastor. What a toxic and unbiblical combination!
“Every priest reported that the experience of being attacked by the antagonists had a negative impact on them physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Their descriptions ranged from battle fatigue to severe illnesses. Most all reported suffering from depression. Others described the emotional impact as feeling broken, defensive, withdrawn, fear, panic, a loss of creativity, energy and profound sadness.”
Amen to the above description. I’ve been there. In my case, I wasn’t suicidal … I just wanted to vanish. I spoke with a well-respected veteran Christian leader recently who told me he’s surprised by how long it takes pastors to recover after they’ve been beaten up. It doesn’t take months … it takes years.
“The majority of the clergy reported that both they and their spouses had been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and have had to continue in treatment for years after the experience ended.”
I wasn’t diagnosed with PTSD, but my wife was. I’m haunted during the day by what happened to me. She’s haunted at night.
“Every congregation experienced negative repercussions when the priest left the parish. The negative impact on the parish was seen immediately. Attendance and giving decreased dramatically. Membership declined and program growth became stagnant to non-existent. Empty pews at Sunday worship and declining parish collections were the most noticeable consequences. On average, 28% of the worshippers left these parishes and united with another. 19% left the parishes completely and have yet to return to that parish or any other.”
Based on the aftermath after a pastor’s removal, how can we conclude that these antagonists are doing God’s work? It’s obvious that they’re serving someone else. I now believe that many of them are either very immature believers … regardless of how they appear to others … or unbelievers.
“It should be clearly agreed at the beginning that if the governing board initiates the dissolution of ministry action, the rector shall receive a minimum severance package. Depending on the size of the parish this should be a minimum of eighteen months and for larger parishes where the job possibilities for a removed priest are fewer it could go up to five years salary and benefits.”
Some churches that toss out an innocent pastor offer no severance agreement. Others offer three to six months. Maynard lobbies for at least 18 months because it can take that long for dismissed pastors to find a new ministry. If a church board doesn’t want to pay such a severance, then they should work matters out with their pastor.
“It is the wise rector that uses an outside consultant…. The majority of the clergy in this study did employ a consultant. In none of the twenty-five cases was a consultant able to stop the antagonists from achieving their goal.”
In my situation, I used a consultant. He flew to our community, interviewed staff, witnessed attacks firsthand, exposed the plot against me, wrote a report, and helped negotiate a severance agreement. But the knowledge that consultants could not stop the antagonists freezes me in my tracks.
“Any senior pastor caught in an irresolvable conflict should not hesitate to consult an attorney. The majority of the clergy surveyed did employ an attorney. Most felt the need to do so to protect themselves and their families. Several reported that their attorneys did advise them that they had legal grounds to sue their antagonists for slander and defamation.”
Most pastors aren’t comfortable doing this, but if they plan to continue a ministry career, and if they love their family members, this step is essential. I hate to say this, but inside their churches, pastor under attack usually have zero rights, so they need to know their rights as an American citizen.
“… the biggest red flag of all. If such a staff person has played an active role in the removal of a previous senior pastor, then they need to be removed by the appropriate authorities before a new senior pastor is even announced.”
If a staff member – regardless of who it is or how long they’ve been in the church – cannot support an innocent senior pastor, that staff member needs to resign and leave the church rather than be allowed to undermine the pastor from the inner circle. The longer a Judas stays among the disciples, the more destruction he or she will cause.
“The overwhelming majority [of the twenty-five pastors surveyed] began new ministries as professional interim ministers. For clergy that have been attacked by antagonists, it appears that interim ministry may just be the best avenue for them to pursue.”
Most pastors who have been attacked have to be well-connected to find another church ministry … and be younger than 55. Without a PhD, pastors can’t even teach in a Bible college. The interim pathway is beneficial for those who want to keep leading and preaching, but the lifestyle involves travel that separates the interim from his kids and grandkids, friends, support system, belongings, and house.
“Those diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome will most likely be plagued by nightmares for the greater portion of their lives. All our participants, spouses and children now have a more cynical attitude toward the Church and people. Most all confessed to continuing to have problems trusting others. The loss to the Church of spouses, children and lay members that formerly were faithful and enthusiastic about their lives in the Church is a damning judgment on the work of the antagonists.”
A longtime Christian leader told me that going through this experience is like suffering a concussion as a National Football League player. Once you’ve suffered one, you remain in protective mode because you don’t want to suffer the disorientation of undergoing another one.
“If the antagonists begin directing their attacks toward your spouse or children, employ an attorney and make it known that you have employed an attorney.”
Some pastors who are removed from their positions later experience divorce. Many pastors’ kids quit going to church and abandon their faith for good. If a pastor can stop direct attacks upon his family members using legal means, then he needs to do so.
Dr. Maynard’s book is relatively brief (137 pages), concise, and true to church life. He covers much more material than I could possibly hope to share here. I recommend it highly.
My prayer is that Christian leaders wake up to the reality of sheep attacking their shepherds – and do something about it – so that far fewer pastors and believers sit on the bench until Jesus comes.
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