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A Brief Writing Report

February 6, 2013 by Jim Meyer

I just posted the 250th blog article I’ve written since December 2010.

It used to be a good day if I had 25 views.  Now I regularly receive 3 times that number, for which I praise God.

I’m not writing about issues for the general Christian public … I’ll let others address those things.

Instead, I want to write about topics that Christians think about but can’t find much guidance on.

I especially want to expose the dark side of church leadership to the light.

I literally have scores of topics I can write about … all I have to do is peruse the terms people type into their search engines to find my blog.

And today, I turned in the manuscript for my book a second time to my publisher.  You’ll know when it’s ready!

My Top 10 all-time most viewed articles are:

1. If You Must Terminate a Pastor (3 1/2 times more views than the second most-read article)

2. Pastors Who Overfunction

3. Secular Songs You Can Sing in Church, Finale

4. When to Correct a Pastor

5. Secular Songs You Can Sing in Church, Part 1

6. When You’re Upset with Your Pastor

7. Pastors Who Cause Trouble

8. Conflict Lessons from War Horse

9. Facing Your Accusers

10. Why I Love London

Like most writers, sometimes I write for myself, and other times, I write to shed light on a problem area.

I can never predict how many times a particular article will be read … but I’m grateful every time someone reads even one.

And that includes you, my friend.

Thanks for reading!

Posted in About Restoring Kingdom Builders, Personal Stories | 2 Comments »

Profile of a Clergy Killer, Finale

February 4, 2013 by Jim Meyer

When pastors get together, what do they talk about?

Their walk with God?

Their family?

Church progress?

Yes, but in my experience, when pastors congregate, they talk about their ecclesiastical adversaries more than any other topic.

Why is this?

Maybe it’s because pastors can’t discuss this issue with anyone in their own congregations … or because their wives don’t want to hear about it anymore … or because they know that other pastors are the only ones who really understand how they feel.

Pastors must endure chronic complainers … and occasional critics … and these individuals can be found in every church, regardless of size.

Most pastors don’t lose too much sleep over these people.

But ministers do lose sleep over a special brand of critic: the Clergy Killer.

I wrote about CKs in my last article, highlighting three traits they all have in common:

*A CK is someone who strongly disagrees with the direction the pastor is taking the church.

*A CK is someone who collects the complaints of others.

*A CK is someone who seeks additional power in the church.

As I mentioned last time, I can only identify 15 CKs that I’ve known over 36 years of church ministry … and 5 of them were people who attacked my pastor when I was a staff member.

That means as a solo or senior pastor, I’ve only been attacked by 10 CKs … but one is far too many.

Let me share two additional traits of a CK:

Fourth, a CK is someone who makes a conscious decision to lead a charge against a pastor.

A CK isn’t just a critic or a complainer.  Those people can stay in a church for years and never become a CK.

A CK wants to destroy his or her pastor.

When is an attack by a CK most likely to occur?

According to research, between years four and five of a pastor’s tenure.

Why then?

Because by then, a pastor has clearly laid out the direction he wants his church to go.

The pastor’s agenda usually prompts two strong responses from parishioners: agreement or resistance.

Those who resist the pastor’s leadership at this point can go in one of two directions: either they choose to leave the church or they choose to stay and push out their pastor instead.

In my second pastorate, I had this happen to me right on schedule … between years four and five.

When CKs make the choice to force out their pastor, they will use any means at their disposal to get rid of him: threats … rumors … exaggeration … and clear cut lies.

In most cases … and this is going to be a strong statement … CKs believe that it’s permissible to commit evil actions as long as they eventually get rid of their minister.

This is why CKs must be identified and stopped … but only by using the twin weapons of truth and love.

As a wise man once said: beware lest in fighting a dragon, you become a dragon.

Finally, a CK is someone who will never admit that what they’re doing is wrong.

CKs are rightists … people who seek to control everyone around them … insisting that people – including their pastor – do church the way they want church done.

I know of a church that seems to be going down the tubes.  They have been looking for a new pastor for more than a year.  One of their conditions for any candidate is that the person agrees not to use contemporary music during worship.

How much do you want to bet that a CK is chairman of the search team?

The CKs I have known exhibit personality traits that tend toward narcissism, sociopathy, and paranoia.

Their narcissism tells them that they are superior to the pastor.  They don’t believe the pastor knows the right direction for the church … they do.

Their sociopathy tells them that they need to defeat the pastor to feel good about themselves.  The pastor can’t be reclaimed or restored … he must be obliterated.

Their paranoia tells them that they better “get” the pastor before the pastor “gets” them.  So the CK overreacts to every possible slight or offense, interpreting things the pastor says or does in the worst possible light.

What happens to a CK after their attack on the pastor?

Some stay in their church … but rarely repent.

Some leave their church … but only if the pastor can amass a supportive coalition that will confront the CK head-on.

Some are disciplined by the Lord … either through tragedy or death.

I take no pleasure in writing about CKs, but there is a place in Christ’s church for prophetic warnings, and I want to sound the alarm.

For you see, when I was a boy, several CKs banded together and pushed out my pastor.

Less than two years later, my pastor died.

That pastor was my father.

And not long afterwards, that church went out of existence.

What most Christians fail to understand is this:

An attack on your pastor is ultimately an attack on your church.

Never, ever join forces with a CK.

Instead, if you suspect someone is demonstrating the traits of a CK, confront them.  Expose them.  And defeat them.

This is the way of apostles like Paul and John and Peter and Jude.

And it needs to become our way in the 21st century as well.

_________________________________________

This is the 250th article that I’ve posted since December 2010.  I used to think it was a good day if I had 25 views in a day.  Now I regularly receive 3 times that number, for which I praise God.

I’m not writing about issues for the general Christian public … I’ll let others address those things.

Instead, I want to write about topics that Christians think about but can’t find much guidance on.  I want to expose the dark side of the church to the light.

I literally have scores of topics I can write about … all I have to do is peruse the terms people type into their search engines to find my blog.

My Top 10 all-time most viewed articles are:

1. If You Must Terminate a Pastor (3 1/2 times more views than the second most-read article)

2. Pastors Who Overfunction

3. Secular Songs You Can Sing in Church, Finale

4. When to Correct a Pastor

5. Secular Songs You Can Sing in Church, Part 1

6. When You’re Upset with Your Pastor

7. Pastors Who Cause Trouble

8. Conflict Lessons from War Horse

9. Facing Your Accusers

10. Why I Love London

Like most writers, sometimes I write for myself, and other times, I write to shed light on a problem area.

I can never predict how many times a particular article will be read … but I’m grateful every time someone reads even one.

And that includes you, my friend.

Thanks for reading!

Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and a forum where you can ask questions about conflict situations in your church.

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination | Tagged , , | Leave a Comment »

Profile of a Clergy Killer

February 1, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Have you ever seen the British TV show Whitechapel?

The show is about detectives in London’s East End who deal with gruesome murders committed by copycat killers who emulate famous criminals.  The first series deals with attempts by the detectives to detect and arrest a murderer who has been replicating the crimes of the infamous Jack the Ripper.

To find the murderer, the show’s three stars must examine crime scenes, check forensic evidence, interview those who knew the victims … and attempt to write a profile of the actual killer.

If they can create such a profile, they hope to stop more murders in the future.

Unfortunately, most churches have another kind of murderer in their midst … a clergy killer.

I first heard the phrase “clergy killer” 16 years ago when I attended a seminar for pastors and their wives.  On that occasion, I was given an article by G. Lloyd Rediger about this issue.

That same year, Rediger published his pioneer work Clergy Killers.

While I will use Rediger’s phrase in this article, the rest of the work is mine.

Over the course of 36 years in church ministry (4 churches as a staff member, 4 as a pastor), I have been able to identify at least 15 CKs in the 8 churches I served in.

*3 churches had 3+ CKs, while 3 others had none.

*Most CKs were men – by a 2-1 ratio.

*3 married couples in separate churches worked in concert to force out their pastor.

*3 were board members at the time they surfaced as a CK, while one was an office manager.

*2 of the 15 died of heart attacks at inopportune times.

Clergy killers are not simply chronic complainers … or those who disagree with leadership decisions … or those who get mad and leave a church.

No, clergy killers are self-appointed individuals who are on a mission to get rid of their pastor … and they will use any means at their disposal to accomplish their goal.

What is the profile of a clergy killer?  Here is a composite from my experience:

First, a clergy killer is someone who strongly disagrees with the direction the pastor is taking the church.

These are complaints I’ve heard over the years (some were directed at the pastors I worked for, some at me):

“The music on Sunday mornings is awful.”

“The church doesn’t do enough with the denomination.”

“The pastor doesn’t work hard enough.”

“The church is mismanaging its money.”

“The pastor is lazy because he doesn’t teach enough during the week.”

“The pastor is too focused on the needs of the unchurched and not the congregation.”

“This church is not run enough like a business.”

After each complaint, add the phrase, “And it’s all the pastor’s fault … so he needs to go.”

A person doesn’t qualify as a CK because they mentally toy with these thoughts, or because they share them privately with their spouse or a friend.

No, a person becomes a CK because they boldly – even brazenly – begin to share their complaints with their network at church … almost indiscriminately.

And the upshot is that since the pastor is going in the wrong direction, he must be removed.

Second, a clergy killer is someone who collects the complaints of others.

The CK knows that his or her complaints aren’t enough to eliminate the minister.  They’re just opinions … and not impeachable evidence.

So the CK begins to contact churchgoers they suspect have their own complaints against the pastor … often after worship on Sundays.

The CK shares their complaints in hopes that (a) their compatriots will agree with them, and (b) share some of their own issues.

This gathering of grievances is wrong.

In fact, I’ll even go further: it’s sinful.

And if it continues, it’s downright satanic.

When I collect complaints from others, I encourage them to share their offenses with me.  In the process:

*I haven’t made any attempt at sharing my own feelings with the pastor so he can explain his position or make things right between us.

*I don’t encourage others who are upset with the pastor to speak with him directly … but with me instead.

*I’m using their complaints to build a case against the pastor in direction violation of Matthew 18:15-17 and 1 Timothy 5:19-21.

*I’m not interested in a fair process or in reconciliation … I’m interested in becoming judge, jury, and executioner for my network.

One pastor calls this pooling of offenses “the bait of Satan.”

Here’s the interesting thing: the pastor often finds out who is doing the complaining as well as the nature of at least some of the complaints anyway.

Years ago, when a CK went after me, he began making calls to people who had left the church, suggesting that they left because of me.

One woman vehemently denied that I was the reason she left … and proceeded to tell me what was going on … which was exactly the right thing to do.  Her call provided evidence that a CK was at work in our midst and allowed church leaders to construct a strategy to force him out instead.

Just remember: if the CK had one clear-cut spiritual/moral felony to report about the pastor … like denying the deity of Christ … or an illicit sexual relationship … or stealing money from the offering plate … that might be sufficient to push out the pastor.

But because the CK can’t produce evidence of such felonies, the CK tries to pile up a host of lesser offenses instead … hoping the sheer volume of complaints will be enough to compel the pastor to leave.

And that is not the work of God.

Third, a clergy killer is someone who seeks additional power in the church.

The CK feels that he or she is superior to the pastor … smarter than the pastor … and more connected with the congregation.

Because the CK has an inflated view of their greatness, they believe that they know what’s best for the church … and that the pastor does not.

As I think about those who were CKs in previous ministries, they fall into two categories: those who had a church position and wanted greater authority, and those who did not have a church position but felt they deserved one.

The majority of CKs I have known fall into the latter category.

Some of them had once been on the church board but had not been asked to serve again, which made them resentful over time … especially when they noticed who did get onto the board.

Some of them taught a class or held a leadership role, but felt they deserved more authority because they alone knew what was best for the church.

The truth is that most CKs feel powerless in life.

Maybe they no longer wield the power they once did at work … or the government is after them … or they’re not getting along with their spouse … and they sense they can regain a measure of control if they seize power at church.

Some CKs were even called to the ministry earlier in life … and rejected that call … but still wish to be the Protestant Pope of their congregation.

If you’ve read this far, you might be wondering, “Jim, does this stuff really happen in churches or are you exaggerating to make a point?”

No, it really happens.  In fact, 25% of all pastors have been forced out of church ministry by CKs at least once.

Know anybody who fits this profile so far?  (I hope not.)

I’ll finish up next time.

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments »

Five Reasons Why Pastors Vanish, Finale

January 30, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Imagine that you attend your church this weekend. You’re in a great mood: your family is healthy, work is going well, and all is right with your world.

You vibrantly sing the worship songs … take notes during the pastor’s message … and feel great about your church.

Then at the end of the service, your pastor stands and reads a letter: he’s resigning … leaving your church forever … after many years of productive service.

He tells you he’s tired … that he’s looking forward to future opportunities … but you wonder what the real story is.

In my last article, I mentioned three reasons why pastors suddenly disappear:

*They’re tired of fighting a handful of antagonists.

*They’re frustrated in their efforts to reach their community for Christ.

*They are tired of being so lonely.

Let me add just two more reasons … even though I could add many more:

Fourth, their family members are hurting because of relentless criticism.

While all pastors believe that God has called them to ministry, many pastor’s wives did not receive that same call.  They believe that God has called them primarily to love their husbands and their children.  They are willing to attend services and serve in a ministry as long as it doesn’t negatively impact their home life.

But when a pastor’s wife sees her husband unfairly attacked … and she sees the toll it takes on his health and his joy and his walk with God … she begins to pull back from church people and church work.

This scenario alone can cause a pastor’s wife to beg him to quit church ministry.

And inevitably, as a few critics focus on the pastor’s shortcomings, they will target her with attacks as well.  They will criticize the way she dresses … whether or not she works outside the home … and how she performs her ministries, among other things.

As these criticisms float back her way, she will be deeply hurt … and such criticisms are meant to hurt.

She’ll pull back even more and strongly suggest that her husband resign.  Some may even threaten to leave him if he doesn’t.

But when people start attacking their children … and if the pastor hasn’t left by now, some will … she will shift into protective mode and insist that her husband resign to save their family.

Pastors going through such situations are torn.  On the one hand, a pastor once took a vow that he would stay married to the same woman forever.  On the other hand, he also went through an ordination process recognizing God’s call upon his life.

When the vow and the call clash, a pastor feels pulled in two directions.  If he goes with the vow, he may lose his ministry career.  If he goes with the call, he may lose his wife … and possibly his career … anyway.

To save their families, many pastors choose to resign from their positions instead … and the pastor normally won’t acknowledge this factor publicly.

My guess is that when pastors vanish, this factor probably plays a role more than 50% of the time.

Finally, they have been asked or forced to leave by official church leaders.

This problem is now at epidemic levels in the Christian community.  Although I’ve read that 1,300 pastors per month are forcibly terminated, it’s safe to say this is true of at least 1,000 pastors per month.

There are so many possible scenarios at work here:

*Sometimes a pastor becomes frustrated with the board because board members focus more on maintenance and money than taking risks to reach people for Christ.

*Sometimes the board becomes frustrated with the pastor because he seems to be tone deaf toward their suggestions and needs.

*Sometimes a board member is personally offended by something the pastor did or said … but never talks to him directly … and gets back at the pastor by leading the charge to get rid of him.

*Sometimes the board becomes convinced they can run the church better than the pastor, so they take shortcuts, trump up some charges, and attack him with every weapon in their arsenal.

*Sometimes the board forces the pastor to resign because they’ve lined up the associate pastor or an interim pastor to preach … while they run the church their way.

Whatever the real reason why pastors and boards stop working well together, when their relationship starts to break down, the pastor will probably be the one who ends up leaving … even if he gets along with every other person in the entire church.

When the pastor stands up to announce his resignation, he probably won’t mention his problems with the board … especially if it affects any separation package he may receive.

Just like baseball managers, elected politicians, business CEOs, and rock bands, few positions in this world come with automatic lifetime appointments.

But for some reason, many of us assume that our beloved pastor will stay at our church forever.

When he leaves, we may grieve for a while, but in the back of our minds, we wonder:

Why did he really leave?

I’ve shared five possible reasons with you.

But if you really want to know, there’s one surefire way to find out:

Why don’t you ask him?

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

Five Reasons Why Pastors Vanish

January 28, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Several years ago, a prominent pastor announced his resignation to a shocked congregation.

I knew something about this pastor because he had taught me in school and had once led a retreat for our youth group.

After his announcement, I went online and read comments from people who loved this pastor and appreciated his ministry.

They didn’t buy the public reasons he gave for leaving.  They wanted to know the real reasons.

Why do at least 1,500 pastors leave church ministry every month?

Let me share five real reasons:

First, they’re tired of fighting a handful of antagonists.

Most pastors – about 75% – are feelers rather than thinkers.  No matter how much they claim they can handle constructive criticism, any criticism wounds them to the core.

There are people in every church who have figured this out.  They know instinctively that if they continually find fault with their pastor, he will wilt, become ineffective, and eventually quit.

While these people know the pastor’s values, the pastor doesn’t know theirs.

Regardless of church size, when push comes to shove, most pastors leave a church because of a group of 7-10 individuals.

The pastor of a megachurch once told me that no matter how well things went on Sunday, he received a barrage of critical comments on Monday.

When the criticism occurs week after week, month after month, and year after year, it’s no wonder some pastors finally say, “I’m out of here!  I’ve had enough.”

This is why every pastor needs a few spiritual bodyguards who will serve as his protectors and encouragers.

Second, they’re frustrated in their efforts to reach their community for Christ.

If a church truly wants to reach people for Jesus, it will have to make some changes.

It will have to make changes in its worship service(s) … in its leadership structure … in the way funds are allocated … in the way decisions are made … in the way people interact with Scripture.

While some Christians are eager to make such changes, many … if not most … are not.

Too many believers have a vested interest in keeping things the same – year after year – regardless of how effective their church is.

I hesitate to quote Robert Schuller at this point, but I’m going to do it anyway because I believe he’s right.  I once heard him say:

“Any church can grow if it puts the needs of the unchurched ahead of the churched.”

He’s not saying that a pastor should ignore the needs of his people.  Far from it.

But if a pastor only focuses on pleasing the congregation he already has, few if any people (other than the kids of believers) will come to faith in Jesus Christ.

If evangelism isn’t front-loaded, it won’t happen.

The pastor of a rapidly growing church once told me that as his church grew, Christians were constantly trying to get him to change the church’s mission so that it focused exclusively on believers.  Pastors can sense this resistance.

When the pastor is the only one who really cares about reaching the community – and this happens in all too many churches – don’t be surprised if he quietly disappears.

Third, many pastors are tired of being so lonely.

Why is this?  Two thoughts:

*For starters, pastors carry around the problems and pains of their people 24/7.

If you’re in a small group, you know about the sufferings of a handful of people.  But the larger a church grows, the more problems come to the pastor’s attention … and if he’s a caring pastor, he’ll be thinking and praying about those problems constantly.

And most pastors are legally forbidden from sharing the problems of counselees with anyone else … even their wives.

Many times, I’d be out with my wife, and she’d wonder why I was staring into space … but I couldn’t tell her that I was hurting for someone at church.

*In addition, pastors know they can have friends at church … just not close friends.

Why not?

It’s simple: a pastor’s primary vocational problems concern others in his church … like staffers … and board members … and loudmouthed antagonists … and the pastor does not want to run down those people to others.

Because if the pastor really opened up about how he felt, his feelings might get around the church … and hurt people … and hasten his own demise.

So he remains silent … and talks only to people outside the church … if he can find someone who will listen.

Christian counselors will listen … but they can cost a lot of money.

Pastoral colleagues might listen … if you can set up an appointment three weeks in advance.

Many pastor’s wives will listen … but the pastor can’t tell her everything.

Many pastors quit because it’s lonely at the top … and they’re tired of being perpetually lonely.

I’ll add two more reasons next time!

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination | Tagged , , | 6 Comments »

Risking It All for Jesus, Finale

January 25, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Want to know a dirty little secret about large churches?

Many of them … if not most of them … grow because they’re far better at reaching the already-saved than spiritually lost people.

I once heard a nationally-known pastor confess that after 15 years of ministry, the next thing his church was going to focus on was evangelism.  A friend who attended that church told me that 98% of all their new members were Christians who came from other area fellowships.

If that’s ministry success, then maybe Jesus should have stated the Great Commission this way:

“Therefore invite disciples from smaller churches to your church, baptizing them and teaching them so they can pad the membership roster and turn your ministry into a megachurch.”

But, of course, Jesus’ Commission is to “make disciples of all nations [people groups]” … and making disciples always begins with bringing people into a relationship with Christ first.

As I mentioned in my last article, I came to a place in my life nearly 25 years ago where I saw that the gather/scatter philosophy was not working.  (The church gathers for worship on Sundays and then scatters for evangelism during the week.)

No matter how many times I told people to share their faith … or trained them how to do it … few if anybody ever did it.

(Is it because Christians can’t answer the objections of secular people?  Because we’re not filled with the Spirit?  Because we don’t make time for spiritual discussions?  Or because we don’t think anybody is really going to hell?)

Whatever the reason, I learned that 85% of all churches are either stagnant or declining, while only 15% are growing … and many growing churches are simply siphoning off believers from smaller churches.

I can tell you the day things changed for me.

A pastor friend loaned me four tapes of some talks given by Bill Hybels.  By the second tape, I was in tears.  Bill said that a high school football player at his church was so excited about their services that he reserved an entire row for members of his football squad to join him.

I wanted to be in a church like that!

So after much prayer, research, and discussion, the church I led voted to sell our property … all 1.8 acres of it … and used the proceeds to start over in a light industrial building several miles away.

In the process, we took some major risks, convinced that God was leading us:

*It was risky to sell our property… some experts advised against it … but the place had run its course.  It was time to try something new.

*It was risky to convert a warehouse into a worship center … but when it was done, it felt like heaven on earth.

*It was risky to start a new church with a group of 50 veteran Christians … but they made a great core group for a new church.

*It was risky to let a cautious, seminary-trained pastor lead such a venture … but I was able to make the transition, even though it took time.

But taking risks for Jesus is never easy, and we paid many prices:

*We sensed strong spiritual opposition constantly.

*We were continually hassled by the building department.

*We were cheated by our contractor, who charged us three times what that remodeling project should have cost.

*We kept setting and missing deadlines for our grand opening service … seven deadlines, in fact.

*We constantly battled discouragement because the remodeling project went so slowly.

One night, we took a risk and planned a concert with a well-known Christian artist for a Sunday evening.  The concert could only come off if we obtained our conditional use permit.

We finally obtained it the Friday before … with a few minutes to spare.

400 people attended that concert … one of the greatest nights of my life.

And one month later, when our church officially opened to the public, we had 311 people at our first service.

God performed miracle after miracle for our church.  Unbelievable stuff.

Many people came to faith in Christ and were baptized.

Our worship services were incredible … the best I’ve ever witnessed … and were so good that people constantly invited friends and family to them.

A bond formed among the leaders that will always be present …  and most of those individuals later became leaders in other churches.

Here are five lessons I learned by taking risks for Jesus:

*I had to change as a pastor and as a person.  I could no longer preach one way and live another way.  I had to incarnate change before anybody bought it.  But leading that church made me feel fully alive!

*Our core group had to change as well.  Some couldn’t make the changes and left the church … but most were transformed as leaders and people.

*We were forced to our knees in prayer … forced to address relational issues with others … forced to give beyond a tithe … and forced to rely on the Lord for everything … because we wanted God’s blessing on our ministry.

*We had to rely on the Lord every single day.  We were a couple offerings away from extinction … just like Willow Creek Church in their early days.

*God honors faith.  Hebrews 11 is filled with stories of people who heard God’s voice and obeyed Him against great odds, even though their actions didn’t make sense to those around them.

The late Guy Greenfield, a pastor for many years, once wrote:

“When a church is focused on taking care of itself, paying off its mortgage, paying its bills, and saving money, and shows little interest in outreach, evangelism, ministry, and missions, it is often headed for trouble. . . . Outreach, evangelism, ministry, and missions will keep a congregation on its knees in prayer (which always frightens Satan away). Satan can more easily invade a church that is consumed with secondary matters.”

I have found this to be true in all of the churches that I served as pastor.

When we were focused on reaching lost people, we were forced to get into spiritual shape, make sacrifices, and take risks.

When we were focused on ourselves, we became spiritually shabby, sought our own personal comfort, and stopped doing anything that required real faith.

God did not make churches to become self-contained clubs.  He made churches to become service-oriented organisms.

In the Parable of the Talents, Jesus commended the two men who took their master’s talents … “put his money to work” … and doubled their talents.  But Jesus harshly judged the man who received one talent and hid it in the ground.

The Christian church in America is hiding most of its talents in the ground … spending its time, energy, and funding on staff salaries and building mortgages.

It’s why our services are unexciting … why we’re not growing spiritually … why people are bored at church … why nothing of any consequence is happening.

Where is the sense of adventure?

What is happening in your church that requires God as the only explanation?

It’s time we started taking risks for Jesus … just like the first church in Jerusalem.

Even if we fall flat on our face.

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Health and Conflict, Current Church Issues, Personal Stories | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment »

Risking It All for Jesus

January 23, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Somebody recently asked me two similar questions: “What was your best church experience?  What was your worst church experience?”

My worst experience – by far – was the second church I served as pastor.

The church was the result of a merger between two small churches.  I was the pastor of the smaller church … my rookie pastorate.

We merged with a church five miles away whose pastor had been ill for months.

We gained property with a building … the other group gained a pastor and some money in savings.

I served as pastor of that church for 7 years.

Most people from the two churches were philosophically incompatible.

The group from my church – mostly seniors – kept looking back to the 1950s and wanted to replicate that culture in their new church.

The other group sought to be more contemporary.

Since I didn’t know the other group very well, I spent more time initially getting to know them … and found that I liked them a lot more than the group that came with me.

18 months after the merger, the whole thing blew up when 25 people from my group left the church.

For the next few years, the ministry was difficult.  I battled depression constantly … mentally resigned every other Monday … and began perusing classified ads to find another job.

In desperation, I began asking God to do something drastic.  I told Him that I saw 5 possibilities for my future:

*Stay at the church as pastor

*Move to another church as pastor

*Become a staff member at another church

*Go into secular work

*Sell the church property and start over in a new location

I told the Lord that I wasn’t smart enough to make the decision and that I would do whatever He told me to do.

In my mind, the second and third possibilities made the most sense.  The last one made the least sense.

Guess which one God chose?

The last one: sell the church property and start over in a new location.

Years later, I sat in the office of a seminary professor whom I had met for the first time.  As we were talking, he said to me, “I even read a story in a book about a pastor whose church sold their property and started over somewhere else.”

I told him, “That was me!”

And I still can’t believe we did that.

Why did we take that risk?

First, the church didn’t have a worship center.  At one time, the congregation met in their small gymnasium.  When I came to the church, they were meeting in their fellowship hall.  When 70 people were present, the place felt full … and people felt content.  Without a dedicated worship center, we looked minor league to newcomers.

Second, the church property was decaying.  There was a perpetual gas smell in the nursery.  Water flooded into a classroom when it rained.  The place looked deserted from the street because the parking lot was located in the back.  We looked at the costs of upgrading the place and it felt prohibitive for our smallish congregation.

Third, the church could not retain young families.  Young couples would come to our community for their first jobs, but because most couldn’t afford the cost of housing, they would move to Colorado or Texas where houses were more attainable.

Finally, the church lacked a vision of what it could become.  For years, we had the same ministries … Sunday School, men’s fellowship, women’s meetings, AWANA … and it just wasn’t working.

One year, we baptized just one person.

When I was in seminary, I was told, “Preach the Word and your church will grow.”  I did preach it, teaching through books like Numbers, Joshua, Judges, Nehemiah, Malachi, Mark, Acts, Ephesians … but we didn’t grow.

What was the problem?

In my view, it was our ministry philosophy toward spiritually lost people.

I believed that if I equipped God’s people well, they would go to their homes and workplaces, share their faith, win people to Christ, and then invite them to come to the church.

But it almost never happened that way … and yet we kept up that line of thinking for years.

We played it safe … just treading ministry water … and the people in our community responded accordingly.

Until we risked it all for Jesus.

The experience of selling our property and starting over somewhere else initially frightened me … but as I look back, it was one of the best decisions I ever made … even though it just about killed me.

The ministry that resulted was the best church experience I’ve ever had.

More next time!

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Health and Conflict, Personal Stories | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments »

The Fallibility of Pastors

January 7, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Pastors make mistakes … all the time.

Last week, I made a doozy.

I scheduled an appointment one day with an accountant for 1:00 pm.  Since I had been to the office two weeks before, I figured I could find it “by feel.”

While I found the main intersection just fine, I kept driving through office complexes, looking for a familiar-looking entrance … but I couldn’t find it.

Finally, out of frustration, I actually called the office – and was told I was on the wrong side of the street.  I promised to be there in two minutes.

So I got in my car, quickly drove to the right office, and then reached for my backpack (with my wallet, smartphone, and glasses inside) … and realized that I didn’t have it.

Suddenly, I remembered that I called the office with my backpack on top of my car … but when I got out of the car, it wasn’t there.

Oh, no!

I raced out of the parking lot and turned right … only to find my backpack in the middle of the street, along with my tax forms, which were blowing every which way.

Fortunately, it wasn’t a busy street, so I quickly picked everything up … but boy, did I feel stupid!

Since I retrieved everything … and one of my tax forms looks good with a tire track on it … I quickly forgot about the incident.

Until today.

When I preach, I love to tell stories like that on myself because it shows the congregation that I’m as human as they are.

But what many – if most – pastors don’t want you to know is that we can be fallible as well.

Let me share with you several thoughts on pastors and their fallibility:

First, pastors are obsessed with being right.

Before I preach, I study my brains out.  It’s important that I interpret Scripture correctly, illustrate it powerfully, and apply it relevantly.  When I stand before God’s people and teach them God’s Word, I want to be convincing.

After all, I’m speaking with the authority of God Almighty.

But I can still make mistakes.  I’ve had people come up to me after a service and ask, “Do you realize what you said?”  When they tell me, I’m embarrassed … and wish I could issue an immediate correction!

It’s easy for pastors to take that preaching mindset away from the pulpit into other venues … like board meetings, staff meetings, or counseling sessions … or even at home with the family.

In Marshall Shelley’s groundbreaking book on pastor-centered conflict, Well-Intentioned Dragons, Shelley tells about a pastor who used a specific phrase whenever someone disagreed with him.  The phrase?

“You may be right.”

Is it you may be right?  Or you may be right?  Or you may be right?

I don’t really know … but the phrase reflects the fact that the pastor is not the fount of all wisdom and knowledge … and that other people have good ideas, too.

Pastors need to use that phrase more often.

Second, pastors have a hard time admitting they’re wrong.

40 years ago, the most popular TV show in America was All in the Family.  While Archie Bunker’s mouth was always open – expressing opinions, putting down his son-in-law, and pontificating on the state of the world – there were two words he just couldn’t get out of his mouth:

“I’m sorry.”

I’m not an Elton John fan, but he’s right: Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word.

We don’t want our pastors apologizing all the time.  Can you imagine what it would be like if a pastor apologized throughout his message?

“I’m sorry … I could have said that better.”

“I’m sorry … I didn’t pronounce Artaxerxes right.”

“I’m sorry … I was thinking about the 49ers playoff game last night.”

We want our pastors to be strong and persuasive, to proclaim the Word of God with the anointing of God.

But there are times when a pastor does need to apologize … mostly in relational settings … even if people don’t know you’re a pastor.

Not long ago, I went to the local Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet and was unhappy with their prices.  I expressed my discontent directly to the server behind the counter, but he didn’t get ruffled.  I immediately felt bad about what I said.

I sat and ate my food, but on my way out, I stopped and apologized to him for the way I spoke to him.  He accepted my apology.  I was wrong and needed to admit it.

The prices were still too high … but he didn’t set them.

Pastors need to say “I’m sorry” when they’re late for an appointment … or if they get upset in a board meeting … or when they overreact to criticism.

After all, if we pastors truly believe that we’re all sinners, doesn’t that mean that we sin at times … and not just in private?

Finally, pastors struggle with certain ongoing sins.

When I was a teenager, I had a really annoying habit: I tore the bottom inch off of newspapers (the place without ink), put it in my mouth, and chewed it for a few moments.  To this day, I can’t tell you why I did that.

But I overcame that problem.  I haven’t done that in more than 40 years.

I’ve always tried to be open about sins that I used to commit … but have now overcome.

Pastors sense that they can admit a problem with overeating … or ignoring their kids … or going into megadebt … as long as they’ve overcome those sins with God’s help.

But what pastors struggle with the most is admitting that they still commit certain sins.

Like anyone else, pastors can make cutting remarks … or can talk too much in public … or can go berserk when a driver cuts them off in traffic.

Because we pastors still cross God’s moral and spiritual lines, we need to serve the Lord with humility … and forgive those who criticize us … and admit when we’re wrong.

I don’t know about you, but I’m drawn to pastors who let me know they’re just as human as I am.

And I’m repulsed by pastors who must always be right, even when they’re obviously wrong.

“Infallible” pastors may have large congregations … and write books … and be in demand as speakers.

But they won’t be able to get very close to their wives … or kids … or friends.

Because an infallible God only uses fallible servants to preach His infallible Word and reach His fallible Church.

And He can’t do much with infallible pastors.

Posted in Conflict with the Pastor, Personal Stories | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments »

Les Miserables and Christian Worship

December 31, 2012 by Jim Meyer

“Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.”

That line – the very last line of the song “I Dreamed a Dream” from the play/film Les Miserables – has always touched me deep inside.

There are people down through the centuries who could sing that line … in fact, that entire song … with just as much passion as Anne Hathaway’s Fantine character did in the just-released movie.

Like Fantine, they’ve experienced a taste of the best that life has to offer … but then circumstances have gone horribly wrong for them, and they find themselves just hoping to survive.

That’s one of the things that struck me most about the film version of Les Miserables.  The people in the movie were all doing their best just to cling to life for another day.

I read Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables in ninth grade – albeit an abridged version – and learned that it served as the inspiration for 1960’s The Fugitive TV show, starring David Janssen (real name: David Meyer).  I’ve also been privileged to see the musical twice, the last time in London’s West End, and our family has owned the music on cassette/CD for years.  (My daughter Sarah knows every word of the musical by heart.)

But I can’t stop the tears whenever I hear “I Dreamed a Dream” or “Bring Him Home.”  And that’s good.

Those songs are filled with such emotion … and passion … and authenticity.  They put into words how so many people feel about God … and pain … and life.

When we attended the movie on Christmas Day, the bald-headed guy in front of me was pushing back tears as well.

But my first thought when I left the theater was this one:

Where is this kind of emotion in our churches today?

I love the Lord.  I love His Word.  I love His people.

But I must confess … I am rarely moved emotionally in church anymore.

In fact, sometimes I think that Christian leaders have systematically tried to remove authentic emotion from worship services.

Just hear me for a moment.

My wife and I have visited more than 50 churches in the past 3 years.  90% of the churches use the same format.

There’s 15-20 minutes of worship music, followed by the pastor’s message, which lasts 30-60 minutes.

(Prayers, announcements, and taking the offering are placed in different slots, depending upon the church.)

Are believers moved emotionally during the worship time?  Sometimes, but if you look around during that time, you’ll see that many believers aren’t singing at all.

Are believers moved during the message?  Sometimes, but it usually depends upon whether or not the pastor himself seems moved … and many pastors aren’t.

Over the past 10 years, I have noticed that most churches have gradually eliminated 4 service elements that did produce authentic emotion: dramatic vignettes, presentation songs, personal testimonies, and illustrations during the pastor’s message.

*Dramatic vignettes – which originally came from Willow Creek Community Church – could be humorous, but they could also be deeply touching emotionally.  Over the past 3 years, I have seen zero dramas in churches.

*Presentation songs featured a soloist or a duet or an ensemble singing a song that the congregation couldn’t possibly sing.  The songs usually tied in to the theme of that morning’s service.  (Someone from Willow once sang “I Dreamed a Dream” during weekend services.)  Over the past 3 years, I can only remember seeing performance songs at two churches – both in Phoenix – and one of them was at our home church there, Christ’s Church of the Valley, which offers one or two performance songs every weekend.

(The first time I attended a Leaders’ Conference at Willow in 1990, I was more moved emotionally during a two-hour slot of dramas/performance songs than I had been in the previous 20 years of attending worship services combined.)

*Personal testimonies are presented either live or on video.  CCV offered at least two personal testimonies on video every month, and they were usually very touching, often shown in the middle of the pastor’s message.  (Rick Warren used to do this as well, although I don’t know if he does it anymore.)

*Illustrations during a pastor’s message used to be a given, but you would be surprised at (a) how many pastors don’t use even one story during their whole message, and (b) how many pastors use stories to stir people intellectually but fail to move them emotionally.

Please don’t misunderstand me.  I am not saying that our worship times should be full of emotion as opposed to truth.  We are to love God with our whole heart, soul, strength, and mind.  But I am sincerely wondering where the heart has gone.

While we need truth to pass through our heads so it stirs our hearts, I wonder if we’re really afraid of our own God-given emotions.

When Neil Diamond sang “I Dreamed a Dream” on his Hot August Night 2 album, he changed the last line to this one:

“But life can’t kill the dream I dreamed.”

(Here’s his version with lyrics attached: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzwhgJnCQCQ)

Why did he do that?  Maybe he didn’t feel comfortable singing the real line because he wanted to end the song on a positive note … I really don’t know.  But in so doing, he negated Fantine’s true feelings as she ended the song.

Provided someone sang that song during a service at your church, would they be permitted to sing the line as written or would someone make them change it?

I’ve had a theory for years that people will flock to worship services where they feel free to laugh and to cry.

People certainly flock to films and concerts and plays where that’s the case.

Maybe the film Les Miserables – shot through with Christian themes and an explicit Christian ending – can teach us that again.

More next time.

Happy 2013!

Posted in Christian Music, Current Church Issues, Personal Stories | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments »

Christmas in Saudi Arabia

December 24, 2012 by Jim Meyer

This article ran two days before Christmas in 2011.  It’s so unique that I thought I’d run it again for those of you who haven’t seen it.  Merry Christmas!

Today’s guest blogger is my wife Kim, who discusses how the words “Christmas” and “Arabia” could once be used in the same sentence when she lived in the Middle East more than 40 years ago.  Ah, the magic and romance of the desert …

Kim in Arabia, May 2011

It seems so long ago.  The years were 1965-1970.  It was Christmas in Saudi Arabia, where my parents were missionaries to the Bedouin people in the desert.

Photo at Oasis Hospital with Kim’s father in back row, 3rd from left, 1967

We lived about 100 miles from the now beautiful, modern city of Dubai.

Dubai, May 2011

Dubai Today

46 years ago, we traveled by open land rover on non-existing roads surrounded by sand dunes.  It took about 10 hours to travel 100 miles.

19 months ago, I went back to visit where I lived.  I took a taxi to the hospital where we used to work and it only took 1 hour and 15 minutes.  What a difference!

Kim with Taxi in Arabia, May 2010

When the Arabs asked me why I was visiting, I told them, “I lived here 46 years ago.”  With amazement, they said, “There was nothing here.”  I said, “You are exactly right.”

Kim in Front of Oasis Hospital, May 2011

Every year at Christmas time, my brothers, sisters and I came home from boarding school, either in Pakistan or India.  It was only at Christmas time that I saw my parents each year.  I counted every day for months when it was time to go home.  Home was where we had no homework and no strict schedules for two months.

We would get together with friends on the compound.  We hiked, cooked, played games, played tricks on each other, and saw our pets (cats, dogs, gazelles, goats, a donkey, a fox, and a hedgehog).

Sometimes we slept outside up on high beds to keep snakes and scorpions away.  We would wake up in the morning hearing camels eating our dried palm leaf fence.

Life was simple.  We would run around without shoes, help in the hospital, read books, listen to good music, and sit around and just talk.  I loved the simplicity.

Saudi Arabian Desert

When it came to getting a Christmas tree, we were creative.  We chose a thorn bush and brought it home to decorate.  We had fun adorning the tree with popcorn.  We wanted more decorations so we took Kotex and tore it apart to make snow with cotton.  I wasn’t sure my mom was very happy with us.

We learned to make taffy, pulling and pulling until we had a sweet, sticky treat.

But my best memory was camping in the desert.  I remember always having a sinus infection but I was determined to go – so I bundled up and went camping.  Being in the desert at night under a clear sky, you could see every star.  You could see the campfire for miles.  You were surrounded by sand dunes and the sound of nothing.  It was peaceful and quiet.

It must have been how the shepherds, Joseph, and Mary felt when Jesus was born.

Our Christmas service was held outside at night.  The glowing of candles and far off lights made the desert romantic and magical.  I was asked to play the organ and everyone from the compound came and sang Christmas carols.  This was my gift to Jesus.

Oh, the simplicity of Christmas!

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