A woman my wife and I knew once called our house and angrily complained about her husband. In her mind, he had done some unspeakable things. She concluded her tirade with the words, “I am going to divorce him.”
She got on the phone and called many others. When some contacted us, they all said, “She wants to divorce him, and we told her that we agree with her.”
But I told my wife, “We’ve only heard one side of the story. We haven’t heard his side yet. Maybe the husband is totally guilty of the charges made against him. But maybe his wife is guilty of some misbehavior as well. Let’s not take her side or his side. Let’s remain on the side of the marriage.”
When we hear that someone we know and trust has done something wrong, we tend to become emotionally reactive.
We adopt the view of the person sharing the news with us … believe the news we hear completely … and thus prove ourselves to be foolish.
God’s Word encourages us never to believe the first thing we hear about a person.
Moses speaks to the judges in Israel in Deuteronomy 1:16-17:
“Hear the disputes between your brothers and judge fairly, whether the case is between brother Israelites or between one of them and an alien. Do not show partiality in judging; hear both small and great alike.”
Proverbs 18:17 adds:
The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.
Imagine that you attend the trial of a murder suspect. The prosecution takes three days to present its case, after which the judge vacates his bench, the press doesn’t show up anymore, and the defense is not allowed to present or cross-examine witnesses.
What would we call that?
A miscarriage of justice … if not a downright perversion.
But in thousands of churches, when people first hear a nasty rumor about their pastor, they not only tend to believe it … they pass the rumor on to others.
And every time someone passes on the rumor without first checking to see if its true, they put another nail in their pastor’s reputation and career.
I had a conversation with someone recently about her former pastor. This man taught a theology class I took in college and led a large church for many years.
But this pastor was driven out of his church, and I never heard exactly why. So I asked the woman, “What did the pastor do wrong?”
Since this woman hadn’t attended the church in years, she told me what a friend from the church once told her, but the evidence seemed purely circumstantial to me.
Maybe the pastor was guilty of a serious offense … but based on what little I heard, maybe he wasn’t.
Many years later, a new pastor came to the church, and wanting to lead the church with a clean bill of health, he brought that former pastor back and, on behalf of the church, apologized to him for the way he was driven away.
What a wise and healing thing to do! It’s done all too rarely these days.
If you hear an unflattering rumor about your pastor, I encourage you to do the following:
First, never believe the first thing you hear.
The initial reports are likely to contain inaccuracies. For example, when there’s a mass shooting in our culture, how many times do we hear the number of victims revised upward but later downward? All the time. The same principle is true in churches.
Second, ask your informant where they got their information.
If it’s from a former disgruntled staff member, or a rebellious board member, or a chronic complainer, suspend your judgment until you know more. And if your informant received their information from an unreliable source, remain skeptical.
Third, contact the pastor directly and ask him about the rumor.
The quicker you go to the primary source, the better-informed you’ll be. If you don’t know the pastor, or you’re afraid to approach him, ask someone from his family or someone who knows him well. But don’t short-circuit this step.
Several decades ago, I knew a young couple who were engaged to be married. The woman didn’t tell her fiancée that she was pregnant until her seventh month, and he was devastated. I went to see him, but everything I said was later twisted. For example, I told him that I wanted him to stay in the church, but a report came back that I told him that I didn’t want him in the church, which was entirely false.
But I wonder how many people heard that rumor and instantly believed it?
Fourth, contact several wise individuals in your church and ask them how to interpret the rumors.
Every church has godly men and women who have witnessed everything under the sun in church life. Ask them if they’ve heard the rumor. If they haven’t, share what you know. They may choose to conduct a small investigation and then let you know what they’ve learned.
Fifth, wait until you know the facts before deciding to support the pastor or leave the church.
When conflict is present in churches, people become anxious. They want to know what’s going on and seek a quick resolution to the problem. They don’t like matters to remain open-ended; they want closure.
So some people will choose to believe the rumors right away and then demand the pastor’s resignation, but such action is usually premature until the rumors have been investigated.
Several months ago, I read about a church where the pastor was accused of some serious charges. The pastor chose not to resign but to let the charges be investigated. Several months later, he was completely exonerated of all charges.
Wouldn’t you have looked foolish if you had prematurely called for his resignation?
The apostle Paul made matters very clear in 1 Timothy 5:19. Paul told his protégé Timothy:
Do not entertain an accusation against an elder [includes pastors] unless it is brought by two or three witnesses.
There must be witnesses. There must be facts. There must be an investigation.
Rumors alone should never convict a pastor of wrongdoing.
I beg you: resolve before God that if you ever hear an unflattering rumor about your pastor … or any pastor … that you will heed the words of James 1:19:
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry …
Isn’t this the way you’d like to be treated by others?
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Restoring Kingdom Builders 
When You Hear Rumors About Your Pastor
Posted in Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged 1 Timothy 5:19, hearing two sides of a story, Proverbs 18:17, rumors about a pastor on September 4, 2015| 2 Comments »
A woman my wife and I knew once called our house and angrily complained about her husband. In her mind, he had done some unspeakable things. She concluded her tirade with the words, “I am going to divorce him.”
She got on the phone and called many others. When some contacted us, they all said, “She wants to divorce him, and we told her that we agree with her.”
But I told my wife, “We’ve only heard one side of the story. We haven’t heard his side yet. Maybe the husband is totally guilty of the charges made against him. But maybe his wife is guilty of some misbehavior as well. Let’s not take her side or his side. Let’s remain on the side of the marriage.”
When we hear that someone we know and trust has done something wrong, we tend to become emotionally reactive.
We adopt the view of the person sharing the news with us … believe the news we hear completely … and thus prove ourselves to be foolish.
God’s Word encourages us never to believe the first thing we hear about a person.
Moses speaks to the judges in Israel in Deuteronomy 1:16-17:
“Hear the disputes between your brothers and judge fairly, whether the case is between brother Israelites or between one of them and an alien. Do not show partiality in judging; hear both small and great alike.”
Proverbs 18:17 adds:
The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.
Imagine that you attend the trial of a murder suspect. The prosecution takes three days to present its case, after which the judge vacates his bench, the press doesn’t show up anymore, and the defense is not allowed to present or cross-examine witnesses.
What would we call that?
A miscarriage of justice … if not a downright perversion.
But in thousands of churches, when people first hear a nasty rumor about their pastor, they not only tend to believe it … they pass the rumor on to others.
And every time someone passes on the rumor without first checking to see if its true, they put another nail in their pastor’s reputation and career.
I had a conversation with someone recently about her former pastor. This man taught a theology class I took in college and led a large church for many years.
But this pastor was driven out of his church, and I never heard exactly why. So I asked the woman, “What did the pastor do wrong?”
Since this woman hadn’t attended the church in years, she told me what a friend from the church once told her, but the evidence seemed purely circumstantial to me.
Maybe the pastor was guilty of a serious offense … but based on what little I heard, maybe he wasn’t.
Many years later, a new pastor came to the church, and wanting to lead the church with a clean bill of health, he brought that former pastor back and, on behalf of the church, apologized to him for the way he was driven away.
What a wise and healing thing to do! It’s done all too rarely these days.
If you hear an unflattering rumor about your pastor, I encourage you to do the following:
First, never believe the first thing you hear.
The initial reports are likely to contain inaccuracies. For example, when there’s a mass shooting in our culture, how many times do we hear the number of victims revised upward but later downward? All the time. The same principle is true in churches.
Second, ask your informant where they got their information.
If it’s from a former disgruntled staff member, or a rebellious board member, or a chronic complainer, suspend your judgment until you know more. And if your informant received their information from an unreliable source, remain skeptical.
Third, contact the pastor directly and ask him about the rumor.
The quicker you go to the primary source, the better-informed you’ll be. If you don’t know the pastor, or you’re afraid to approach him, ask someone from his family or someone who knows him well. But don’t short-circuit this step.
Several decades ago, I knew a young couple who were engaged to be married. The woman didn’t tell her fiancée that she was pregnant until her seventh month, and he was devastated. I went to see him, but everything I said was later twisted. For example, I told him that I wanted him to stay in the church, but a report came back that I told him that I didn’t want him in the church, which was entirely false.
But I wonder how many people heard that rumor and instantly believed it?
Fourth, contact several wise individuals in your church and ask them how to interpret the rumors.
Every church has godly men and women who have witnessed everything under the sun in church life. Ask them if they’ve heard the rumor. If they haven’t, share what you know. They may choose to conduct a small investigation and then let you know what they’ve learned.
Fifth, wait until you know the facts before deciding to support the pastor or leave the church.
When conflict is present in churches, people become anxious. They want to know what’s going on and seek a quick resolution to the problem. They don’t like matters to remain open-ended; they want closure.
So some people will choose to believe the rumors right away and then demand the pastor’s resignation, but such action is usually premature until the rumors have been investigated.
Several months ago, I read about a church where the pastor was accused of some serious charges. The pastor chose not to resign but to let the charges be investigated. Several months later, he was completely exonerated of all charges.
Wouldn’t you have looked foolish if you had prematurely called for his resignation?
The apostle Paul made matters very clear in 1 Timothy 5:19. Paul told his protégé Timothy:
Do not entertain an accusation against an elder [includes pastors] unless it is brought by two or three witnesses.
There must be witnesses. There must be facts. There must be an investigation.
Rumors alone should never convict a pastor of wrongdoing.
I beg you: resolve before God that if you ever hear an unflattering rumor about your pastor … or any pastor … that you will heed the words of James 1:19:
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry …
Isn’t this the way you’d like to be treated by others?
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