Restoring Kingdom Builders

Christian songwriter-singer Chris Tomlin is coming to our church for two concerts several months from now.  For some reason, this announcement took my mind back to the mid-1980’s and a conflict I had with two church leaders over contemporary Christian music.

The first church that I served as pastor met in the cafeteria of an elementary school that was difficult to find even with a map.  We almost never had guests, and when we did, they rarely came back, and I couldn’t blame them.  Few people were looking for a church that was a throwback to the 1950’s, and that’s what we were, at least for a while.

One December Sunday morning, I was out sweeping the walks before our service when a family of four walked toward the cafeteria.  I introduced myself to them and privately thought, “Wow!  Wouldn’t it be something if this family made ours their church home?”  Miraculously, they stayed, even though we had no youth ministry for their daughter and son.

Over time, the man of the house became a member of the deacons (our governing board) and later chairman of the board.  His wife became head of the deaconesses.  We all got along very well.

One Saturday night, our youth pastor took the expanding youth group to a Christian rock concert in a neighboring community, and this couple’s kids went along.  I trusted the youth pastor’s judgment and didn’t feel any need to veto the activity.  After all, the youth group weren’t going to hear Madonna or AC/DC but Christian artists.  What could possibly be wrong with that?

It just so happened that this father and mother had attended a Christian university that believed that all rock music – even with Christian lyrics performed by Christians – was wrong, if not of the devil.  When they found out what kind of concert their kids attended, they became quite upset.

Soon afterwards, this couple gave me a 15-page typewritten document specifying the evils of rock music.  The document was lifted from a book that condemned all contemporary Christian music.  I read the document carefully and made notations in the margins, disagreeing with some points and seeking evidence for others.  Eventually, I bought and read the book this couple used to make their points.  Most of it was way overblown.

I called the deacon chairman, told him I had thoroughly read his document, and asked if we could meet to discuss it.  He asked me point blank, “Are you still going to allow the youth group to go to Christian rock concerts?”  I told him, “Yes.”  I’ll never forget his next words: “Well, then, we’re leaving the church.”  And they did.

I tried to get together with him again, but to no avail.

Suddenly, our church didn’t have a chairman of the deacons or a woman leading the deaconesses.  They were there one Sunday and gone the next.  To compound the situation, this couple’s daughter fell in love with one of the young men in the church and they made marriage plans.  Although this young couple met at our church, neither my wife nor I were invited to their wedding (held somewhere else) even though nearly everyone else at our church was.

I’ve had more than 25 years to reflect on what happened back then, and I don’t know what I could have done differently.  Maybe I shouldn’t have allowed a husband-wife combo to both be in such prominent places of leadership, and maybe I should have thought twice about putting anyone into leadership who attended their particular legalistic school.  But our church was small, and we didn’t have many volunteers willing to serve in leadership capacities.

But there was no way I could have known about their beliefs toward “Christian rock.”  At the time, I listened to Keith Green, Chuck Girard, Phil Keaggy, and Amy Grant, and their music was tame compared to mainstream artists.  For me, reaching young people for Jesus was far more important than legalistic rules, but this was a big issue for them.  What bothered me most wasn’t their attitude toward the music, but that they refused to meet and discuss the matter.  They laid down an ultimatum: quit taking kids to Christian rock concerts or we’ll instantly leave this church.  I wouldn’t, so they did.  I never saw them again.

Pastors make scores of decisions behind-the-scenes of their churches every week, and because they can never know the personal convictions of each person in their fellowships, pastors can’t possibly know how each judgment call will be perceived.  Some of the time, his leadership will be applauded.  Occasionally, someone will take offense at something.  Sometimes he’ll hear about it, other times he won’t.  But criticism of a pastor nearly always gets around.

A pastor’s decisions will both attract people to a church and repel people as well.  In the last church I served as pastor, a woman visited the church on two consecutive Sundays and then wrote me a note on her response card.  For some reason, I did not receive the note until after the following Sunday.  She criticized me for not preaching on John 3:16 every week and said she would no longer return for that reason.  What she did not know is that the next Sunday – which she missed – I did preach on John 3:16 (it had nothing to do with her) and some people received Christ into their lives.  The following day, I received her note.  How was I to take that?

What’s my point?  A pastor has to lead a church the way in which God leads him.  He has to set out a course and stick to it.  When he does – regardless of the direction – he will receive criticism, and some of it will originate from people whom he loves dearly.  And when that happens, some people will leave the church and blame the pastor for their departure.

The only time I’ve ever seen Rick Warren cry was when he talked about all the people who have left Saddleback Church over the years.  Even when some followers reject their leader, a good shepherd continues to care about those precious sheep.

If you’re a pastor, ask God for direction, seek confirmation from other leaders, put your head down, and lead!  Some will leave, but most will follow your leadership.  If you hurt when people leave, it shows you still have a shepherd’s heart.

And if you have a church home, and the pastor does something you don’t like, you have at least four choices: pray for him regularly, support him anyway, speak with him directly, or leave the church permanently.

I trust that the latter option will be your last resort.