Hi. I attend your church. You don’t know who I am, but I show up nearly every Sunday and sit in the next-to-the-last row on the left side.
And it’s ironic that I attend your church at all, because I don’t like the pastor. I don’t like his sermons. I don’t like his kids. I don’t like the schools he attended and the hobbies he jabbers about from the pulpit. I just don’t like him – and for that reason, I’d like him to leave.
The right thing to do would be for me to leave the church and attend somewhere else. After all, at this point I’m not aware of anyone else who feels the way I do. But I don’t want to leave. I want to stay. I want him to leave.
There’s a quick way for me to pull this off: start making accusations against the pastor. It almost doesn’t matter what I accuse him of doing: sleeping around, embezzling funds, fuzzy beliefs, power plays – you get the picture.
Still with me?
I can accuse the pastor of various misdeeds through (a) a whispering campaign (“Did you hear that the pastor was recently seen …”); (b) a letter sent to select church homes (“The pastor doesn’t believe in the virgin birth!”); (c) a few strategic emails (“The pastor has been seriously overspending funds recently”); or (d) conversations with my friends (“Why does he continually refer to that TV show all the time?”).
Having done this sort of thing before, I know that one or two of my accusations will eventually reach the pastor, and he’ll be very upset. But I also know my accusations will reach the ears of the governing leaders as well.
And if my charges are taken seriously, no one will come and talk with me. No one will ask me for the evidence that my charges are true.
The pastor’s supporters will disbelieve the charges immediately. His enemies (among which I count myself a proud member) will believe all the charges and more. (We’ve just been waiting for someone to articulate them.) It’s the group in the middle that I’m aiming for. I just need to pick off a few to accomplish my goal.
By this time, a few people will add charges to the ones I’ve already made. It almost doesn’t matter what they are or if they’re true or not. The board may choose to investigate the charges, but if they do, they will almost certainly not be traced back to me. And if anyone tries to confront me, I will just do what they do in politics: deny, deny, deny.
My first attempt may not be successful. The pastor may survive my little campaign. But if I keep making little charges here and there, the wind will pick them up, and when they get to the pastor, they’ll start to wear him down.
And then one of these days, the pastor will resign due to burnout or stress, or a small group in the church will add to my accusations and formally drive the pastor out.
The pastor will be told by the leaders of both the church and the demonination that he needs to leave the church to preserve its unity, that the church needs to start with a clean slate.
But no one will do anything to me. I have ecclesiastical immunity.
Nobody will sue me. Christians aren’t to sue other Christians according to 1 Corinthians 6:1-8, right?
Nobody will confront me. After the board deals with the pastor, they’ll be too tired.
Nobody will finger me. In the unlikely event that the leaders launch an investigation to find out who started the rumors, they would probably speak with others long before they got to me. If I caught wind of their efforts, I’d quietly slip out the back door of the church, wait a couple months, and then return. Nothing would happen to me.
Nobody will ask me to leave. After all, I’m allowed to attend services at my own church, right?
And when the church calls the next pastor, if I don’t like him, I already know what to do.
Who will stop me?
Nobody.
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
Very sad commentary but so true. I wish Christians like this man displayed displayed the fruits of the spirit and realized that the pastor is called by God to do Christ work. When Christians act this way they are disrupting the work of God.
So keep up the good work Jim and help churches all over to know how to treat their pastors and see their work as kingdom work.
LikeLike
Thank you, Mrs. Meyer, for your encouragement. Have we met somewhere before?
LikeLike
Jim,
A good article. Here’s a possible solution: the board needs to know their roles and how important it is to understand spiritual warfare … especially attacks against the Pastor. The Pastor will never be a perfect person…but no pastor comes to a church to destroy it but to have it be everything that it can be for God’s glory.
Be the pastor’s friend; be a person who prays fervently for the pastor; have the pastor over for lunch or dinner; get to know his heart … and then pray some more. Be thankful for the pastor you have and work with him; keep the doors of communication wide open.
The pastor needs his back covered and the board (which should be made up of the most spiritually mature men) should provide that protection. When you have that kind of relationship, it breeds security!
Keep writing Jim…your articles are great!!
LikeLike
Chuck, I’m with you all the way on your suggestions. I had breakfast yesterday with a wise pioneer in the area of forced exits. He told me something I had never thought of before. When a pastor initially comes to a church, he often tells the congregation of his call to ministry, but never does so again. My friend suggested that pastors preach on their call every year after that as if to say, “It was God who called me to this church. I am God’s chosen leader.”
I wrote the little article yesterday because I have discovered that 99.4% of the time, nothing ever happens to the perpetrators of forced exits. The church of Jesus Christ has given them immunity. My friend yesterday told me that the problem is getting worse, not better, especially as more and more churches adopt a business model with the pastor expected to be the CEO. We have to identify and discipline the perpetrators, too – and the Bible calls for it over and over.
Thanks for your encouragement, Chuck! Have a splendid day.
LikeLike
Can very much identify with this in my husbands situation. Jim, I totally agree with your admonition “It was God who called me to this church. I am God’s chosen leader”. In my husbands case I think he would be called ‘power hungry’ and ‘spiritually abusive’ if he uttered those words. He would be told he is not connecting with people’s ‘hearts’. One of our leaders recently asked “why are you just going to resign, why don’t you fight this?” Our response basically is that you can’t defend yourself without being accused of being self-serving which just fuels the accusation flames all the higher. We grieve and repent that we have not done a better job in equipping our leaders to be aware of how divisive people operate and how to manage conflict and complaints. However, I don’t know that even with all of the equipping and teaching whether they would be strong enough to stand up to some of their own peers and say ‘enough’! As one Godly man recently told us “There is one attribute every leader must have…..COURAGE”!
LikeLike
Shelli,
When pastors take the Myers-Briggs assessment, they discover that 77% of all pastors are feelers while 23% are thinkers. When the feelers experience a certain measure of conflict, they tend to collapse and quit.
Just one thought about defending yourself: Jesus publicly defended His words and conduct all the time throughout the Gospels. It was only when the Father wanted His Son to die that Jesus didn’t defend Himself. In adddition, Peter, John, Stephen, and Paul publicly defended themselves throughout Acts, so there is biblical precedent for a Christian leader standing up to false accusations. One may choose to forfeit that right, but you do have the right.
The problem in churches is with the silent majority, some of whom know what the antagonists are doing but choose to remain quiet so they can still be their friends. When pastors are attacked, they feel wounded, so they need other believers in the church to come around them and protect them. When that doesn’t happen, the pastor usually has to leave because now he has to take all the hits directly and without any kind of fair process.
I have ideas on everything you mentioned in my book. God bless you and your husband, Shelli!
Jim
LikeLike
Yes. You nailed it. On the Myers-Briggs or Taylor-Johnson my husband is 99% empathetic. This is why accusations by a few that he doesn’t connect with peoples hearts is so crazy making. Your site has been such a blessing to me because I am a processor and things have to make sense to me (as if the author of confusion can be figured out!) and I have to understand how all of this operates. You are describing many of the systems I have been observing and it is a relief to not feel so alone. I am a solutions person, so all of this, “oh well, God is sovereign (yes, I know) and “He will work all this for the good for you as well as the church” are all truth but it seems it can become a cop-out that enables and allows these systems to continue without any action taken. We have seen this happen at least once to almost everyone we know who has been in ministry for any length of time. It just keeps happening in churches with seemingly no consequences or intervention because so many want peace at any price. It is easier to let the pastor go because he will usually do so quietly. We did recommend that the church hire an interim who has had training (“return” by David Miles) in some of these issues as well as years of pastoral experience and a forced exit himself. He will be here Dec. 30.
Thank you again for your great articles, I honestly have thoughts and questions on all of them and could pick your brain as a full time job these days with all I am processing! I won’t do that though and will be waiting for your book. When will a copy be available?
Many blessings to you and your wife as you provide this necessary and helpful ministry to churches and pastors. Shelli
LikeLike
Hi Shelli,
Let me offer some comments on what you wrote:
*It’s beneficial and enlightening to try and figure all this out. Keep after it. If we just throw up our hands and say, “It’s too confusing,” nobody learns anything … not the pastor, not the church, not the denomination … nobody. We have to make these situations redemptive!
*The current statistic being used is that 25% of all pastors have experienced at least one forced exit. I know a pastor who has been through two of them and another who went through three.
*In my book, I suggest some processes that are biblically-based for handling these situations. However, pastors have to preach on them BEFORE a conflict breaks out and lead the charge to put those processes in official church documents. If the pastor doesn’t do it, it won’t happen.
*I have learned that most interim pastors have gone through at least one forced exit. Because they’re perceived to be too old after it happens (older than 50-55), interim pastorates are all they can secure.
*I will be working on the proofs for my book today. The publisher assures me that after I turn them in, it will be available fairly quickly.
Thanks for writing, Shelli.
Jim
LikeLike