I’ve been reading a book by Gary Pinion called Crushed: The Perilous Side of Ministry. A pastor for 30 years, Gary knows the dark side of the church firsthand.
He tells the story of a pastor who moved to a church in the South hoping to stay for a lifetime. The pastor received a 96% affirmative vote from the congregation. The church had a competent staff, a large bank account, and claimed that all they needed was “a good leader.”
After a short while, the church expanded from one to two services, and the church appeared successful. But several of the governing leaders began engaging in “guerilla warfare” behind the scenes.
After 21 months, the pastor was shaking hands at the end of the second service when he was asked to go immediately to his office. When the pastor arrived, he was shocked to see 21 men there who asked for his resignation by 5 pm that evening.
The pastor called aside a man in the group – someone he thought was his friend – and asked, “Why?” His friend could not give any reason and seemed to be embarrassed to be part of the lynch mob.
Why? Why do some people attack their pastor? Why do they verbally crucify him to others? Why do they start a whispering campaign against him? Why do they meet in secret, exaggerate charges against him, fail to speak with him directly, and then covertly attempt to force him to resign? Why?
For starters, some people are angry with God. They view the pastor as God’s leader and messenger in their church. They aren’t comfortable verbally attacking God – after all, He’s invisible and inaudible – so they pursue God’s visible and audible servant instead. My guess is that they aren’t conscious of what they’re doing, but they do it anyway.
When King Herod Antipas arrested, imprisoned, and then executed John the Baptist, the real culprit behind the execution was his new wife, Herodias. Because John had been telling Herod that “it is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife,” we’re told that Herodias “nursed a grudge against John and wanted to kill him” (Mark 6:18-19). But John wasn’t the source of the Jewish law: God was. John was merely God’s messenger. Some people attack godly leaders – including pastors – because they are angry with God about something.
Second, some people are angry with their father. Paul told several churches that he was their spiritual father (1 Cor. 4:15; 1 Thess. 2:11) and that they were his spiritual children. That’s a great metaphor if you sensed that your father loved you when you were a child. But if your relationship with your dad involved pain, it’s easy to transfer that pain to another father-like figure: the pastor.
When I was a pastor, I didn’t mind if some people viewed me as a father figure. If a person was raised by an abusive or cruel father, I tried to show them by example that a man can be loving and kind. But I can think of several situations where I had to say something tough to someone – even though I said it gently – and they reacted with anger against me. When I thought about it later on, I realized that I may have sounded like their father. While I don’t think people are conscious of doing this, the pastor usually isn’t aware of the dynamics, either.
Third, some people feel their pastor has slighted them. In my first pastorate, we had a service every Sunday evening. One night, there were 25 people present, and I got a brainstorm: let’s go around the room and offer words of encouragement to each person present. Everyone thought it was a great idea.
The people loved saying kind things about each other and hearing others say positive things about them. It was only later that I discovered, to my horror, that we had missed Norman completely. I wish someone had pointed it out, and I didn’t do it on purpose, but the damage was done. (To his credit, Norman didn’t attack me – but he and his wife slowly vanished from church life.)
This is why I was always careful as a pastor about complimenting individuals in public. If I thanked the music director for a great song but not his vocalists, they would be upset. If I thanked a staff member for an achievement but didn’t thank the other staff, they would be upset. When it comes to hurts, some people are turtles while others are skunks. When hurt, the turtles – like Norman – pull into their shell. The skunks – and I could give you a whole list of names! – spray a foul odor on anyone they meet. The lesson is clear: never slight a skunk!
When Paul wrote Romans 16, he greeted several dozen people by name at the church in Rome. I wonder if he missed anybody? If I had one chance to be immortalized in the pages of Scripture, and found out I was slighted … you get the picture.
I’ll share four more reasons people attack their pastors next time. Can you think of any more?
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
I thought you were always good at giving people compliments 🙂 Even to this skunk, and I know I sprayed my stink on you occasionally LOL!
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I tried to be generous in private – like with the staff – but when I was up front on a Sunday, I restrained myself because I kept thinking, “Don’t pull a Norman.” General Patton once stated during World War 2 that the Americans and the British were destined to rule the world. Because he left out the Russians (sorry!) in his remarks, it caused a huge uproar. Sometimes you get in more trouble for what you don’t do than what you do!
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Some people act as if a pastor has to be perfect, be all things to all people and at the same time act as if the pastor was there to please only that person. I remember calling a reference on an applicant and this very wise man (an elder), who was very forthcoming with information on the applicant, said “no one is perfect, and you will never find a perfect pastor”. People have to be reminded that a pastor is a human being and can’t please 100% of the people 100% of the time, no one can. I remember when I was a child I thought my teachers lived at school, and was shocked to discover that they had lives outside of school that did not include me!
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I could tell you about times when I did something imperfectly – not necessarily wrong – and I was concerned that it would someday be used against me. As one of my pastor friends once told me, pastors have one-day contracts. If I said the same thing in the same way to two different people, one of them might laugh while the other one might be highly offended. Sometimes you find yourself squelching your personality so you can be who people want you to be. Didn’t you know that pastors live at the church, too?
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