Restoring Kingdom Builders

Last time, I presented four ways you can share feedback with your pastor:

*Speak only for yourself.

*Speak to him directly.

*Speak to him wisely.

*Speak to him positively.

Let me add three more ways:

Fifth, speak to him sensitively.  Learn his schedule and share your feedback at a time when he can receive it.

If you have something positive to say, you can share that pratically anytime.  If you have negative input, try and avoid sharing that on a Sunday.

The pastor needs to be “up” on Sunday, not only to preach, but also to meet people.  The pastor has been focusing on those few hours on Sunday morning all week long, and if you want to derail his ministry temporarily, then throw some criticism his way.  It may wound him enough that it impacts his ability to help others that day.

I don’t know how other pastors are on a Sunday, but I tried to be sensitive to God’s Spirit.  If God was going to use my ministry, I needed to be right with Him and right with others.  Although I always welcomed constructive suggestions, there were times when people meant well but said things that discouraged me.

One Sunday, a couple pastors visited our church in Santa Clara because they planned on starting an outreach-oriented church in a nearby community.  After the service, I greeted both of them.  One of the pastors was kind in his remarks, but the other one made derogatory comments about the service.  I had never met him before, and didn’t think he had earned the right to offer an instant critique.  His comment was all I could think about for days, and it deflated me.

A pastor friend once did some research on the best day to share criticism with a pastor.  Sunday was the worst day.  Tuesday was the best day.  Why Tuesday?  Probably because the pastor has worked through his emotions about the previous Sunday and is looking forward to the following Sunday with optimism.

So if you have any comments about today’s article, save them for Tuesday!

Sixth, ask questions rather than state opinions.  As a child, I didn’t enjoy taking communion.  The atmosphere was funereal.  The organ played softly while people bowed their head in reflection.  Didn’t Jesus tell His disciples, “Do this in remembrance of your sin?”

No, He said, “Do this in remembrance of Me.”  When I think of my sin, I’m somber.  When I think of my Savior, I’m grateful, joyful, and excited.  So during communion, I sometimes invited the congregation to focus on Jesus by singing.

While many people enjoyed this experience, some did not – and made it very clear to me.

One man expressed his displeasure to me about singing during communion three times on his response card.  After the third time, I sent him a letter telling him why I did it that way.  He promised he’d never complain again.

Which would have been more effective?

“I don’t like the way you do communion … I grew up in churches that did it another way … it should be a solemn time … I’m not used to it …”

or

“Why do we sing during communion?”

If you ask a pastor a question about a church issue, you make him the authority (which he probably is), and you can decide whether you like his answer and respond accordingly.  When you state your opinion like you’re the authority, you’re just setting yourself up for an argument.  There is a time and place to state your opinion, but before sharing it with the pastor, you might find out why he does what he does first.

Finally, avoid making threats.  Like most pastors, there are people who have said to me, “If you don’t start doing this or stop doing that, I’m going to leave the church for good.”

It is never wise to say that to a pastor.

Most pastors will think to themselves, “Fine.  Then leave.  If you’re going to threaten me, then we don’t need you around here.  Go mess up someone else’s church.”

I always figured that if someone threatened to leave the church, they were as good as gone anyway.  Most people have more sense than to say that.

The truth is that I usually welcomed feedback from people.  There were times when I wanted to do something in the church but either the staff or the board didn’t agree with me.  If some people came to me unsolicited and said, “Pastor, we need to fix and repaint that wall” or “We need to start a ministry for singles,” then I could share that complaint/suggestion with the appropriate group so they would know others felt the same way.

When you share feedback with a pastor, give him time to respond to you.  Sometimes people came to me with an idea and they wanted an instant answer from me, but I usually had to think and pray about it, as well as consult other leaders.

Feel free to share a time when you shared feedback with your pastor.  How did it go?