Restoring Kingdom Builders

Is there anyone in your life right now with whom you’re experiencing conflict?

A neighbor?  A brother?  A co-worker?  A fellow believer?  A wife?

Peacemaker Ministries was founded 29 years ago to help Christians deal with the conflicts in their lives.  In fact, Peacemakers is one of the few organizations around that is dedicated to helping believers deal with conflict.

You can read more about the organization’s history here:

http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.958339/k.4C8D/Mission_History_and_Organizational_Structure.htm

Last Thursday, I attended Peacemakers’ all-day Conflict Coaching event in Escondido, California.  The course was held at Emmanuel Faith Community Church.  My wife attended the church as a little girl.

Emmanuel Faith Sign

I spent a lot of time in preparation for the seminar, reading Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker and engaging in four hours of prework beforehand.

We had two instructors, one an attorney (whose niece was on the TV show The Bachelor) while the other is a staff member from Peacemakers.

Instructor from Peacemaker Ministries

Much of the seminar was devoted to roleplaying.  We participants were given a scenario involving a dispute between two individuals.  We watched our instructors engage in role play, and then we were assigned a partner and practiced using biblical principles for peacemaking at our tables.

Engaging in Role Play

When each role play was over, we critiqued ourselves and then received a critique from our partner.  Personal involvement made the time fly by.

My preparation and attendance at the seminar lead me to four conclusions about conflict:

First, almost all conflict begins with interpersonal tension.  Family squabbles usually start with a rift between two people.  Church conflicts easily proceed from personal to official gripes.  Resolve a dispute with a temporary opponent and the conflict vanishes.  Fail to resolve the dispute and the conflict grows – and your opponent can become permanent.

Second, Christians need to take the initiative in resolving disputes.  Most of us shy away from conflict.  When I’m channel-surfing, if I come across two politicians arguing, I almost always change the channel.  Part of the reason that I’ve pursued conflict studies is because I’m tempted to avoid conflict at all costs.

But as I learned at the Peacemakers’ class, avoiding conflict is an escape mechanism that usually makes conflict worse.

Ken Sande and his organization have put together a way of visualizing possible solutions to conflict in the form of a diagram that summarizes our options when we’re in conflict.  This diagram is called “The Slippery Slope of Conflict.”  I encourage you to take a moment and check it out:

http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.958151/k.5236/The_Slippery_Slope_of_Conflict.htm

I found their Peacemaker Pamphlet to be of great value in summarizing biblical values of peacemaking.  The pamphlet includes the “Slippery Slope” diagram:

http://www.peacemaker.net/site/apps/ka/ec/product.asp?c=aqKFLTOBIpH&b=6598003&en=jkKOK0ONIfIMJ0NSLmLOK2PRLqK1IcOPKeI0JaOSLuIbF&ProductID=923407

I plan to buy a bunch of these pamphlets and use them in my ministry.

Third, peacemaking starts with a pure heart.  While I appreciate the techniques that are advocated by Peacemakers, they don’t work unless a person’s spirit is right before God.  As Colossians 3:15 puts it, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.”  However, once a person has practiced these techniques, he or she gains a greater level of confidence in addressing conflict situations.

Finally, every church should put together a Peacemaking Team.  If God ever called me back into pastoral ministry, I would make it a priority to identify a group of at least 3 individuals who could attend Peacemakers’ training and form a Peacemaking Team inside the church.

When I was a pastor, and two people were engaged in a dispute, I encouraged them to work matters out together.  I tried to coach them but tended to abdicate responsibility after that.

But there were times when I could have done more coaching than I did.

In addition, a Peacemaking Team can advise the pastor/staff/board to use biblical principles of peacemaking whenever a major conflict is brewing in a congregation.

Now that I’ve attended this seminar, I know better how to coach others toward conflict resolution in a biblical manner.

Since The Peacemaker book deals mostly with interpersonal conflict, I didn’t use it for my doctrinal studies, which involved antagonism in churches.  In fact, Sande’s book fails to mention much at all about major church conflict, especially conflict that involves the pastor – my primary area of interest.

But that’s not where most people live.  Instead, people want to know how to settle disputes with a spouse, a supervisor, or a sibling.

For those kinds of issues, I strongly recommend the resources and training provided by Peacemaker Ministries.

If you’re interested, please check out their website for training opportunities near you:

http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.3041587/k.C206/Foundational_Skills_Training.htm