“I am appalled at what is required of me. I am supposed to move from sick-bed to administrative meeting, to planning, to supervising, to counseling, to praying, to trouble-shooting, to budgeting, to audio systems, to meditation, to worship preparation, to newsletter, to staff problems, to mission projects, to conflict management, to community leadership, to study, to funerals, to weddings, to preaching.
I am supposed to be ‘in charge’ but not too in charge, administrative executive, sensitive pastor, skillful counselor, public speaker, spiritual guide, politically savvy, intellectually sophisticated.
And I am expected to be superior or at least first rate, in all of them.
I am not supposed to be depressed, discouraged, cynical, angry, and hurt. I am supposed to be up-beat, positive, strong, willing, available.
Right now I am not filling any of those expectations very well. And I am tired.”
Those are the actual words of a pastor as quoted in the book Pastors at Risk by my friend Chuck Wickman – and I can relate to every one of them.
One of the major problems in church ministry today is clashing expectations. The pastor believes that God has called him to carry out one set of tasks, while everybody else expects him to meet their own preferences.
When I was a pastor, I’d feel this most keenly on Thursdays.
Thursday was the day I wrote my message for Sunday. To me, it was the most important thing I did all week.
Because I can’t write a message on a laptop at Starbuck’s like some pastors, I needed total peace and quiet to hear God’s voice, which meant I had to write my message at home.
I’d work hard on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday to clear out my calendar so that I had no distractions on Thursday. I’d work until 9:00 pm and almost always get up early on Friday (my day off) and finish the message by noon. I had to finish the message before I could put together an outline, which needed to be in the office that morning.
But invariably, there would be an emergency on Thursday.
The most frequent interruption was that someone would be rushed to the hospital.
Now I loved the pastoring part of being a pastor. I wanted to visit that person and pray with them.
But it normally took one hour to 90 minutes for me to drive to the hospital, visit the patient, and then return home.
And I’d have a war within.
I’d wonder: “If I visit them, when will I finish my message? Will I have to stay up until midnight to recoup the lost time?”
The answer was usually “yes.” Or if not midnight, then I’d get up at 5:00 am the next day to make up the time.
But I’d wonder, “If I go to the hospital, am I putting the needs of one person/family ahead of the rest of the church? If I visit the person, is it okay if my message on Sunday is mediocre?”
But if somebody went into the hospital on Monday, I’d visit them right away. I wasn’t conflicted at all.
But Thursdays? That was study time.
I also had internal conflicts over things I liked and didn’t like doing.
I loved studying, teaching/preaching, programming team meetings, staff meetings, and counseling.
I tolerated administration and board meetings.
But I hated editing the church newsletter. Couldn’t stand it. And I didn’t want to do it. I could ask someone else to edit it for spelling and syntax, but I had to read it for content. (I kept putting it off, though.)
I felt the same way about the program/bulletin.
But every piece that a church gives out to the public has to be perfect. If you want to attract high-caliber people, you can’t put out something with misspellings and run-on sentences.
And people may judge the pastor on the way that church marketing pieces look as well – so I did them.
I also strongly disliked home visitation – even if I liked the person I was going to visit.
If someone wanted to meet me in my church office, that worked for me.
If we could have lunch together, that was fine.
But to go to someone’s home … that’s always been tough for me. While I knew how to do it – and could do it well at times – I was always exhausted afterwards.
So I’d try and avoid it if I could … or ask others to make home visits instead.
But here’s the problem.
As you were reading about my ministry dislikes, did you say to yourself,
“But the pastor should edit the newsletter … and he should visit shut-ins and first-time guests in their homes … and he should visit everyone in the hospital – even if he’s preparing for Sunday.”
That’s why conflicts occur.
But pastors know that if they miss certain ministry areas, someone will complain about them … though not necessarily to them directly.
Since there are an infinite number of things that a pastor could do, it’s better for him to write out a list of what he will do and stick to it. Then he needs to make sure that everybody knows what’s on that list.
So adjust your expectations for your pastor. Pray for him daily. Encourage him as often as you can. But remember:
No pastor knows everything.
No pastor has infinite abilities.
No pastor can be everywhere at once.
No pastor is God.
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
It is important that the expectations be set between the pastor and the board from the beginning, and that once there is agreement the board supports the pastor. Church boards need to understand that each pastor is different with different gifts, abilities, and likes, and they need to talk about these things openly so that if the board or pastor hears any complaints or rumblings they can be on the same page when responding. As far as people who complain about the pastor and not directly to him, where did these expectations come from?
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Pastors sometimes give off the air of invincibility, which makes people reluctant to confront him about anything. But I think the main reason people don’t confront their pastor about wrongdoing is that they’re unsure of his response. Plus, they wonder if they’re authorized to do it. I agree with the rest of what you wrote. I wish that church boards would take the time to get to know their pastor in more than a superficial level. I know someone who believes the key to church prosperity is that the pastor and his board open up their lives to each other. I did this years ago, but then a board member turned on me, so it’s not a hard-and-fast rule.
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But where do people’s expectations of a pastor originally come from? Their past churches or the ones they grew up in?
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Their expectations come from everywhere: the example of their favorite pastor from the past, conversations with family on Sunday after services, complaints from the pastor’s critics, what Pat Robertson says, how Charles Stanley acts on TV … and on and on. There are as many expectations as there are people. This is why a pastor has to define himself and say, “This is who I am and this is what I do.” Then congregants can make up their minds if they want to follow the pastor of find another church.
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