Restoring Kingdom Builders

This past week, I was quickly reviewing the terms that people type into their search engines to find my blog.

I have no idea who these people are … I’m just given an updated list of search terms all day long.

Because I found some of them amusing, I thought I’d share them with you.  These are just from the past 30 days:

One person entered, “What is the bible way to replace a pastor of a church that dies?”

Short answer: If the church dies, they don’t need a pastor.

Someone else wrote, “I don’t floss dentist yelled.”

Was the person who entered that phrase a dentist or a patient?  (Floss next time.)

Another person entered, “Suggested baptist hymns to sing at a pastor’s termination.”

Seriously, if a pastor is forced to leave a church, who feels like singing?  (Maybe the way to tell who pushed him out is to listen carefully for who is singing.)

I do have one recommendation, though, if the pastor wants to sing a solo: “My Jesus, I Love Thee.”  Why?  Because the first verse goes like this: “My Jesus, I love Thee/ I know Thou art mine/ For Thee, all the follies/ Of sin, I RESIGN.”

Someone else entered, “When a husband says that you are being too nice to a neighbor.”

I have absolutely no idea how that person ended up at my blog!  I don’t do marriage counseling online.

Another person found me by writing, “Pastors are the problem.”

Not politicians?  Not drug dealers?  Not terrorists?  Pastors are the problem?

They should have told us that in seminary.

Who entered this term?  “Seminary classes on forced termination of ministers.”

Is that class designed for helping pastors avoid termination … or for helping antagonists produce termination?

Hmm.

Someone else entered, “Church conflict over soundboard.”

Whatever this conflict is really about, don’t turn on the sound while people are arguing!

On the other hand, what a great introduction for a sermon!

One person was very bold, entering, “pastor i don’t like you.”

I don’t think that was aimed at me … but someone sure is ticked at their pastor.  Maybe it’s time to find another church.

Here’s a doozy: “How to control a control freak wife.”

That one needs no comment.

And this one?  “what can the church do when their pastor dive the flock?”

Did they mean “divide the flock” or “dive into the flock?”

If some pastors did the latter, they could hurt an awful lot of people.

This one I don’t understand: “gay marriage lord stands forever.”

Is someone the “gay marriage lord?”  If so, who would that be?  Maybe that person is behind all the gay marriage in our country!  Let’s find out who it is!

I don’t get this one either: “how many pastors are freak?”

If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say, “23,000,” but what do I know?  That would probably make a great PhD dissertation.

This one makes more sense: “what to do when wife want to leave church.”

You leave!  When wife want to do anything, you do it!

Let me conclude this little exercise by sharing two terms where one followed the other:

“freaks at church”

“Jim Meyer Christian teacher”

That about wraps it up!