What keeps you awake at night?
When I was a pastor, more often than not, I couldn’t sleep because of church staff members.
Why not?
Because dealing with staff is fraught with danger … real and imagined.
When a pastor hires a staff member, he looks for three primary qualifications: character, competency, and chemistry.
The pastor wants staff members to have character … to lead godly lives and be morally upright.
The pastor wants staff members to have competency … to do their job so well that he rarely has to address any concerns.
The pastor wants staff members to have chemistry … to get along well with him and the other staff.
If a staffer is falling short in any of these three areas, the pastor has to sit down and speak with him or her about his concerns as soon as possible.
And this is where the double bind for him occurs.
Let me offer up an example.
Suppose a board member tells the pastor that the youth pastor left the church campus a half hour early that Sunday morning. The board member asks the pastor (a) if he knew about this, and (b) if the youth pastor had asked the pastor for permission to leave early.
If the pastor gave the youth pastor permission to leave early, he needs to make that clear to the board member.
If the pastor didn’t give the youth pastor permission to leave early, he needs to find out what’s going on.
Should the pastor call the youth pastor immediately or wait until they’re together on Monday morning?
Let’s say the pastor waits until the next day. He gets hit with a lot of work when he enters the office and can’t walk down the hall to see the youth pastor until 11:30 that morning.
When he does, he finds the youth pastor is gone … and according to the office manager, won’t be back until Wednesday.
Now the pastor is really upset because the youth pastor reports to him … and the pastor did not give the youth pastor permission to cut out early on Monday or miss the staff meeting on Tuesday.
Should the pastor call the youth pastor immediately or wait until Wednesday?
The pastor decides to call the youth pastor … who doesn’t answer the phone. The pastor tries again later in the day, but still … no answer.
The next day at the staff meeting, two staff members ask the pastor point-blank where the youth pastor is. The pastor says he doesn’t know.
After the meeting, the pastor calls the youth pastor again … but nobody answers.
That night, the pastor can’t sleep. See why?
When the youth pastor finally comes in the next morning, the pastor immediately walks down the hall to speak with him.
The pastor sits down and asks the youth pastor how he’s doing.
The pastor asks about his family and how his ministry went on Sunday.
Finally, the pastor mentions in a matter-of-fact way that (a) the youth pastor was seen leaving early on Sunday, (b) left early on Monday, and (c) didn’t come in at all on Tuesday.
The pastor asks the youth pastor – in a gentle but firm tone – what’s going on.
The youth pastor offers some lame excuses for missing work. The pastor suspects he’s lying.
They speak awkwardly for a few minutes, and then the pastor – as staff supervisor – tells the youth pastor:
“If you are going to leave church early on a Sunday, you need to ask me first. If you are going to leave early on a workday, you need to clear that with me first. If you are going to take a day off during the week, you need to receive my permission first. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
The youth pastor stammers, “Well, I tried calling you, but I couldn’t get ahold of you … so I thought I’d just take the time off and get back to you later.”
When the pastor leaves the youth pastor’s office, he wonders what’s going on.
Is the youth pastor having marital problems? Could he be addicted to alcohol or drugs? Could he be working a second job? Or is he just stressed out and needs to step away from work for a few days?
Here’s one double bind: some board members and staffers are watching how the pastor handles this situation. If he does nothing, they will conclude the pastor is spineless.
But if the pastor is too hard on the youth pastor, then the youth pastor and his wife … and eventually their friends and many of the youth and possibly their parents … will be upset with the pastor for picking on someone they know and love.
The pastor is thinking, “I’d really like to help the youth pastor if he’s having a problem, but he’s not being honest with me, so all I have to go on is his behavior, which isn’t acceptable. I need to keep an eye on him from now on.”
The youth pastor is thinking, “Who does the pastor think he is? I go on camping trips and retreats with the kids without asking for overtime. I answer their emails and phone calls at all hours. If I want to take some time off, I’m entitled to it … and I’ve been here long enough that I don’t need to ask for permission.”
If things don’t change, there’s going to be a showdown … and soon.
What happens then?
I’ll deal with that in my next article.
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
Hello Jim,
I fully recognize the picture. It is the web of intertangled relationships, (hidden) expectations, etc. which makes navigation through these relationships difficult.
I also have a personal question: our church was part of a denomination and now I find that our ‘mother church’ is very apprehensive in taking us back, because they don’t want strife in their midst. We feel lost and don’t know where to go as a couple. Do you have any advice? Perhaps we need to leave our denomination and join a interdenominational church. It is a shame because my pastor’s licence was required through the denomination.
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Peter,
I’ve always understood that a pastor is licensed and ordained by a local church. However, in your tradition, it may be that a pastor receives credentials through a denomination.
Here’s the truth about denominations (sometimes I write demoninations by mistake):
Denominations are dying because they expect that pastors will serve their systems. Systems are self-peretuating, meaning that anyone who threatens “the system” will be destroyed by the system. If you’re in a denomination, you aren’t supposed to disagree with the leaders or challenge them because then the system would have to change … but the system resists change. Everyone serves the system so they can get their medical insurance and their pensions and belong to the good old boys club. Being licensed in a denomination is part of the system.
Years ago, I saw this clearly and protested against it, and was labeled as being non-cooperative inside my district. I felt then … as I feel now … that districts exist to serve the pastors, not the other way around.
Let me share the names of two Christian leaders who echo my thinking on this topic.
Pastor Chuck Smith from Calvary Chapel in Costa Mesa, California used to belong to a denomination. They sent him a “kit” one time from headquarters, and Chuck told the Lord, “I don’t want to be rebellious, but I can’t take any more ‘kits.'” Chuck was called to Calvary Chapel soon afterwards, and … well, they became their own “denomination” in a sense years later. But Chuck’s best work has been done outside a denominational structure. (You can probably find Chuck’s testimony about this online.)
Paul Borden worked with the American Baptist Churches of the West and had one simple philosophy: the district exists to serve local churches and pastors. Paul made sure that his district coached pastors to lead growing churches, and when a pastor instituted change, some disgruntled people from the church would call the district and demand that the pastor be fired. But Paul recognized the control tactics and chose to stand by his pastors instead. He would not side with people from a church against their pastor, thus “triangling” him. Paul writes about his philosophy in his book Hit the Bullseye. I heard him speak last year and he has a very forceful presence.
I don’t know what’s best for you right now, but it’s possible that you have been blackballed by somebody inside the denomination. If so, they won’t tell you … they just won’t help you. Welcome to the cowardly world of institutional Christianity.
You have two options: you can pursue credentials with another denomination – and I’m sure many of them would be happy to have you – or you can join with a group of non-denominational churches. Either way, the process will take some time.
If you didn’t commit any major offense – like heresy or adultery or murder – then you should have a bright future ahead of you, Peter. Most Christian leaders realize these things happen to pastors and they will be gracious toward you. Do some research on the various Christian groups in your area and start making appointments with the leaders in person. Ask about opportunities. You have to be aggressive about making the appointments.
Let me know if I can help you in any other way.
Jim
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Thank you Jim,
I feel priviliged that you take the time for such a personal reply.
In the Assemblies of God the denominational network in a country may give a pastors licence on behalve of the network. Ofcourse a local church has to recommend the individual for this license.
A couple who had left our church 2 years ago (I wouldn’t let her preach) are now in the bigger church where Nancy and I also tried to go back to. But they advised the senior leaders that a new formal meeting should be required with them, but also with another couple who were part of our board last year. This couple hasn’t been to church for a solid year now, but yet, the leadership decided that for Nancy and me to be able to move forward in ministry, we first should be willing to have a confrontation with these people, and hopefully forgive one another, etc. It is like revisiting the past. I think it comes from a strong desire to protect the church and the thinking seems to be ‘where there is smoke, there is fire’ and we need to protect the church. This decision then, that we had to meet with our accusers again, was brought to us last week. I told the senior pastor I needed to discuss this with Nancy. I did and we have decided to move on. We could still go to another Assemblies church, but now I wonder if there even is a place for us anymore in the whole denomination.
Our roots are interdenominational and we have a very strong relationship with the pastor in Pueblo, Colorado, who appointed us as pastors 7 years ago. He has been a faithful friend and overseer for us over the years.
In the coming months I will probably focus on more theological study, together with Nancy. I already started a blog http://www.porterbrooklearningalmere.wordpress.com, Nancy still needs to edit my English though! We never committed any major sin, just not knowing how to skillfully handle a new leadership team which was too big from the beginning and represented to many cultures.
Thank you mentioning the names of these two pastors, I can surf for them on the internet.
I hope your book will sell well, let me know when it hits the shelves!
Thank you Jim.
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Peter, you have such a positive and humble attitude that I find it hard to believe that you haven’t been welcomed with open arms no matter where you go. Most likely, there is politics involved in your situation. The only way you could ever meet with that couple is with a mediator who would make sure that the proceedings were handled fairly. Otherwise, it could easily become a “dump on Peter” affair.
Work with your pastor back in Colorado and see if he can determine your standing with the denomination. He has the right to find out if he’s been a mentor to you.
God bless you and in all your endeavors, and let’s stay in touch.
Jim
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