While browsing through various tweets on Twitter two days ago, I ran across a three-month-old blog post on the topic of pastors and suicide from Brian Dodd. Here is his article in full: http://briandoddonleadership.com/2013/04/10/pastors-and-suicide/
Dodd states that the pastoral profession has one of the top three suicide rates of any profession, along with doctors and attorneys.
The author had a pastor friend who took his own life, leaving behind a wife, two children, and three grandchildren. The deceased pastor’s suicide note had been posted for a brief time on Facebook.
Then Dodd said this:
“As Christians, many of us should be embarrassed at how we treat pastors, church staff, and their families!!!! Embarrassed!!! These people pray for us daily, go to God on our behalf, study for years to get better equipped to serve us, live in glass houses, sacrifice more than we will ever know, each week feed us God’s Word, and tell us what Jesus thinks about the issues of our life. And we have the unmitigated gall to question their communication skills, insights, biblical knowledge, and leadership skills.”
Here’s the coup de grace:
“If you are someone who is always hassling your pastor, talking bad about him/her, listening to people’s ‘prayer concerns,’ or leading the charge to have them removed, please do us all a favor and just stop. It’s acceptable to address issues, just not in a way that demeans people. And if you can’t do that, do us all a favor and just leave the church … NOW!!!”
My sentiments exactly.
Dodd’s article led me to another one by Steve Vensel on the phenomenon called “mobbing.” Vensel has been a practicing counselor for 30 years. Steve Brown – a wonderful preacher and writer – was Vensel’s pastor for many years. Vensel eventually earned a PhD from Florida Atlantic University by writing about the issue of mobbing. Here’s his initial blog post on this topic: http://www.poopedpastors.com/blogs/mobbing/
The following are my questions followed by Vensel’s answers:
What is mobbing?
Mobbing is defined “as the prolonged malicious harassment of a coworker by a group of other members of an organization to secure the removal from the organization of the one who is targeted.”
What does mobbing involve?
“Mobbing involves a small group of people and results in the humiliation, devaluation, discrediting, degradation, loss of reputation and the removal of the target through termination, extended medical leave or quitting.”
What happens after a person experiences mobbing?
“It is a traumatizing experience that often results in significant financial, career, health, emotional and social loss. Mobbing is unjust, unfair and undeserved. In a church setting the organization includes staff members, elders, deacons, and congregation members.”
How do these people act before mobbing begins?
“The pastor is rarely confronted by individuals seeking to solve an actual problem or there may be a bullying attempt to control the pastor. The mobbing begins as others are pulled in and persuaded that the target is the problem. In churches there is rarely, if ever, a chance for the pastor to face his accusers because of the ‘people are saying’ syndrome and ‘they’ don’t want to cause problems!
How do pastors respond to mobbing?
“Mobbing is progressive and eventually the targeted pastor is so confused by the unfairness of it, and so in shock by the brutality of it, they simply don’t know what to do. . . . pastors are often told not to talk to anyone or they will split the church and that would not honor Christ.”
What is the impact of mobbing on pastors? (For me, this is the most thought-provoking statement in the article.)
“The personal impact includes deep humiliation, anger, anxiety, fear, depression, and isolation. There is often a profound sense of shame (guilt is ‘I’ve done something bad,’ shame is ‘I am something bad’) that works to redefine all previous accomplishments as meaningless and all future hopes as dashed. In short, mobbing often convinces the target that they are failures and always will be.”
Did you catch that? Mobbing “works to redefine all previous accomplishments as meaningless and all future hopes as dashed.” This means that after a mobbing, the typical pastor cannot identify any ministry successes in his past and cannot envision any ministry success in his future.
Vensel goes on:
“While a mobbing is taking place the pastor and his family do not know who they can trust or who they can talk to. Fearing further reprisals they remain silent, deepening their isolation, and become either depressed or physically ill. It is a vicious cycle that, because of the shame attached to it, doesn’t end when they leave the church.”
I have never received a satisfactory answer to the following two questions:
How can professing Christians act this way toward someone called by God?
And how can professing Christians allow mobbing to occur in their own church?
I went through this experience nearly four years ago, and its effects are ever with me. I wrote a book to help me work through what happened, but most pastors don’t have that luxury.
I’m going to try and learn more about mobbing a pastor, and when I do, I’ll pass on my findings to you.
What are your thoughts on mobbing a pastor?
Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and a forum where you can ask questions about conflict situations in your church.
Unfortunately, I went through the experience of “mobbing” nearly four years ago too…because I am Jim’s wife. All I can say is that this article is true and devastating because I experienced it. When Jim asked me to read this article my stomach started hurting and it affected my emotions. I try everyday to forgive those who hurt us. Jesus said on the cross, “forgive them for they know not what they are doing.” My biggest struggle to this day is how can Christians act in a manner to destroy other Christian brothers and sisters? I know all the answers to how Satan comes and divides…but when non-Christians ask me continually why would the church do this I have no answer. It is my goal to support and love every pastor that I sit under until Jesus comes back again…I hope you can do the same.
LikeLike
Thank you, Kim, for your honesty and your lovely spirit. Quite simply, we became spiritual targets.
LikeLike
I think mobbing happens because it is allowed. No one wants to believe that christians would act this way, surely they mean well. Even as the pastor you can’t believe people you have loved and cared for would actually do this? Surely these nice smiling people are just thinking about the best interest of the church. I think often of the verse in the gospels “Jesus entrusted Himself to no man because he knew what was in their hearts”. Jesus loved man, died for man but He knew that there is a capacity for great evil in them. We need to be Christ followers and not mobsters. Sometimes that means standing up to the mob and saying ‘”what you are doing is wrong. Enough!”
LikeLike
One of the reasons that mobbing is permitted is because of the supposed value of confidentiality. If I’m an average church attendee, and catch wind that a pastor is going to be targeted for removal, I will be asked to keep things “confidential” for “the sake of unity.” My answer should be, “I do not agree to keep this confidential.” Then I should go straight to the pastor and tell him what’s happening. Now I’m no longer complicit in the pastor’s removal.
But those who target the pastor are counting on the fact that everybody who knows about the plot won’t tell anyone else about it. The secrecy emboldens the plotters. Once their secret is revealed, the whole plot may unravel.
We have to teach Christians how to combat this plague on Christ’s church. I’m going to do my part!
LikeLike
Wow! Jim, that was hard to read. Takes me back to when this happened to Steve and me. Even these many years later, the hurt and feelings of rejection are very close to the surface. To this day Steve and I will not enter church work again. If the “mobsters'” goal in our experience was to keep us out of ministry, it worked. And it is very hard to explain to non-Christian friends where God was during that time. But God is in the business of redemption, and I know all the pain along this road was God shaping me into I am today. Jim, you and Kim were such a Godly example of who a pastor and wife should be. And I will always be grateful for the time we had with you.
LikeLike
Thanks for writing, Shannon. I’m sorry you went through a similar experience. It is hard to read, isn’t it? A pastoral colleague who was fired via email bought my book. He told me that after reading one page, he started having panic attacks. Someone else compared my book to a Stephen King novel!
We expect Christians to be loving, and when they act differently, it’s shocking. But sometimes, I think we overestimate the competence of certain church leaders. Most of us – including pastors and board members – just aren’t very good at handling conflict. We’d rather banish a person than work through the steps in Matthew 18 to resolve the issue. And yet when we skip steps, we cause great damage to people and churches.
I’ve heard Steve on the radio a few times. Hope you guys are happy!
Jim
LikeLike
One of the often overlooked aspects of pastor mobbing is the role played by other clergy and adjudicatory bodies. I would love to see these important gatekeeping groups trained in workplace bullying as they have started to become trained around issues of sexual misconduct and abuse.
LikeLike
That’s an excellent suggestion! No one has mentioned this to me before. And if and when they are trained in bullying, they need to be taught that bullying happens in the churches under their care as well.
Jim
LikeLike