The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers. 1 Corinthians 6:7-8
Many years ago, when my family lived in Silicon Valley, we lived next door to a family that scared us half to death.
For example, one night around 11:15, I saw a glow outside our bathroom window. When I opened it, I saw that our neighbor’s roof was on fire.
Matt, a young man in his early twenties, had lit a pillow on fire while smoking. Not thinking, he quickly threw the pillow outside his window onto the roof …and tried to put out the fire by barraging it with glasses of water.
From time-to-time, Matt and his buddies would be drinking outside late at night, and they would sit on our front lawn … right by our bedroom window. Strong disagreements sometimes ensued between Matt and his colleagues.
One time … around 3:00 am … I saw Matt slug his girlfriend after an argument … after which I immediately called the police.
Let’s put it this way: if our family was having problems, the last place we would go for help would be Matt’s family.
In the same way, when families in a community hear that Christians in a church are fighting … and resigning … and leaving … that’s the last place they would go for help … and that feeling might last for years.
This thought reminds me of a conversation that was relayed to me after a major conflict surfaced in my last ministry.
Someone was asking about our church, and an individual in city government replied, “You don’t want to go there. They’re having problems.”
Until that time, as far as I knew, our church had a glowing reputation throughout the community. We marched in our city’s annual parade (where people sometimes cheered when we walked by), were members of the Chamber of Commerce, participated in events like Relay for Life, and adopted a school, among other things.
But our conflict quickly spilled outside the congregation and made its way into people’s ears and homes.
Let me make four observations about how major conflict affects a church’s reputation:
First, churches in conflict turn off those they’re trying to reach.
Last night, my wife was watching a news show, and clips were shown of a well-known politician uttering hateful and vile language.
I instinctively blurted out, “You are not welcome in our house,” and muted the sound.
I do the same thing if a television debate becomes too nasty or volatile. The rancor deeply disturbs my spirit and adds to my stress level. I don’t need it.
That’s exactly how most unchurched people respond when they hear about a church that’s fighting. Families have enough conflict of their own. They don’t want anymore … especially from people who claim to love others unconditionally.
Much of the time, when a church forces out an innocent pastor, the news gets around the community, and those who considered visiting the church refrain. If they visit any church, it will be one where people seem to get along.
The best “church shrinkage” strategy is for a congregation to let its differences hit the grapevine … including social media.
Second, churches in conflict negate their message of reconciliation.
Dr. Francis Schaeffer claimed that love was the final apologetic for Christians.
Jesus told His disciples in John 13:35, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Is the converse also true?
We might put it this way: “By this all men will doubt if you are my disciples, if you hate one another.”
By the time a conflict gets around a community, the core issue is largely forgotten … and people focus on the relational fallout instead. (“The people at that church don’t get along.”)
How can churches that claim to embrace the gospel preach effectively about Jesus when it’s obvious they’re not living its core belief?
We Christians basically have two messages: love God and love one another.
Major conflicts contradict both messages.
Why would anyone be attracted to Christ when it doesn’t seem to be doing any good in the life of His followers?
And why would anyone think that a “fighting church” could help them with their own relational problems?
Third, churches in conflict negate the process for reconciliation.
The gospel is the message of reconciliation. But the New Testament is clear there is a process for reconciliation as well.
That process is often found in a church’s governing documents. The process is based on Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15-20 and amplified by verses like Luke 17:3-4; Galatians 6:1-2; and 1 Timothy 5:19-21.
I believe that when church leaders follow the teaching of Matthew 18 seriously, most conflicts inside a church can be resolved, and those conflicts will not spill out into the community.
But when church leaders ignore Matthew 18 … especially when they go straight to power and play church politics … one can almost guarantee that the conflict will get around the community.
Jesus’ words in Matthew 18 lay out deliberate steps, and the time between steps may take weeks, if not months.
Godly leaders are patiently willing to work those steps.
But anxious, immature leaders don’t want to work a process, so they envision the outcome they want and then devise shortcuts to get there … and in the process, wreak havoc on their congregation.
As Paul mentions in 1 Corinthians 6:1-8, a lawsuit between believers is one such shortcut.
Paul says that those who sue other believers “have been completely defeated already” and “cheat” and “wrong” their brothers.
From time-to-time, I advocate for what I call a Conflict Resolution Group in every church. Composed of at least three spiritual and wise individuals, this group’s charter is not to manage/resolve conflicts when they arise, but to train, coach, and make sure that believers – especially leaders – follow the biblical directives for conflict resolution.
Because, sad to say, it’s often church leaders who violate the biblical reconciliation process the most.
The governing board needs a group they’re accountable to for the process they use, but not the decisions they make.
Finally, churches in conflict implicitly confess they don’t know the pathway to reconciliation.
Evangelical churches tend to resolve major conflicts in one of three ways:
First, they force out their pastor and blame him for the entire conflict.
Whether the pastor started the conflict, or whether he couldn’t fix it fast enough, it’s amazing how many churches end up scapegoating the pastor for all their troubles.
Because when the pastor is 100% responsible for a church’s problems, those who blame him never have to admit they did anything wrong … and when they hire a new pastor, they get to remain in their current ministries.
Second, they either allow or encourage disgruntled people to leave the church.
Pastors and other leaders often assume that if a contentious faction leaves their church, the congregation will quickly resort to health.
Maybe yes … probably no.
The departing faction may end up at another local church … and use their former church as a mission field, thus perpetuating the conflict.
Finally, they act like nothing happened and sweep the issues under the carpet.
This is the default position in most evangelical churches.
*The pastor has been fired … but the leaders won’t talk about it.
*A staff person has been dismissed … but nobody will answer questions.
*A faction has angrily left … but the leaders act like everything is fine.
And in the process, we Christians never learn from our leaders how to address issues, disagree honestly, respond biblically, and work toward wise and loving solutions.
To use a football analogy, all we do in our churches is punt … punt … punt.
Is it any wonder then that all too many Christian couples divorce … that Christian parents stop talking to their adult children … and that Christian friends stop talking to each other for good?
Church leaders don’t model conflict resolution for us. They model conflict avoidance instead.
Have you ever been in a church that handled conflict openly?
No, they’re all managed behind closed doors, where demands and threats may be used to end matters.
But in the process, God’s people never learn how godly people are supposed to handle conflict.
As Paul asks in 1 Corinthians 6:5:
Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers?
Sometimes I wonder.
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
Thoughts on Firing a Pastor
Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged firing a pastor, forcing out a pastor, pastoral termination on August 25, 2017| 5 Comments »
A friend sent me a link to a blog article by Christian leadership expert Thom Rainer yesterday. His article was addressed to church leaders and titled, “Before You Fire Your Pastor.”
Here’s the article:
http://thomrainer.com/2017/08/before-you-fire-your-pastor/
In his concise way, Rainer shares eight “admonitions” to church leaders who are thinking about terminating their pastor.
To me, these were the highlights … followed by my own thoughts:
“You are about to make a decision that will shape your church, the pastor, and the pastor’s family for years to come.”
I don’t think most boards think about the pastor and his family much when they push him out. They’re thinking primarily of the comfort level of the group they’ve been working with to get rid of him.
Since the board’s decision will impact their church for “years to come,” why not do an all-church assessment by an outside consultant first? If the pastor really isn’t a fit, that will be made clear in the assessment, and the pastor and board can discuss a peaceful departure and transition … possibly mediated by the consultant.
Of course, the assessment might show that the board is the problem. And that might be the main reason why boards are afraid of assessments. I suggested calling in an outside consultant on two occasions several months before I left my last ministry, but nothing ever happened.
“Understand fully the consequence to your congregation. A church is marked once it fires a pastor. Members leave. Potential guests stay away. Morale is decimated. The church has to go through a prolonged period of healing where it cannot have much of an outward focus.”
Church conflict expert Peter Steinke says that it takes a church two to five years to heal after a moderate to severe conflict, and by definition, forcing out a pastor almost always constitutes a severe conflict.
Many times, the very individuals who pushed out the pastor end up leaving during the healing period. Maybe they thought the church would get better without the pastor … and with them in charge … but when it doesn’t work that way, they bail.
Outreach usually dies after a pastor leaves … especially if the departing pastor was outreach-oriented.
“Consider the church’s reputation in the community. You are about to receive the label: ‘The church that fired their pastor.’ That will be your identity for some time.”
Most leaders who push out a pastor have never been in a church before where a pastoral termination occurred. They don’t have any idea what happens inside a congregation after a pastor leaves. They’re assuming they can handle any and all crises. But without their pastor to guide them, they’re liable to make a mess of things.
Some people in my previous church tried to ruin my reputation after I left, and it stung. (Some friends still won’t tell us what really transpired after my departure.) But the church has suffered as well.
Reminds me of a post a friend put on Facebook several days ago: “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves” … one for the pastor, one for the church.
“Let your pastor know why… he was being fired…. I am amazed how many pastors have no idea why they are being let go. That is cowardly. That is not Christ-like.”
There’s a simple explanation for this omission: most of the time, there isn’t a good reason for sending the pastor packing. The reasons are more subjective than objective, highlight board members’ personal preferences rather than the pastor’s stubborn sinfulness, and don’t sound convincing when uttered in public.
I still don’t really know why I was pushed out of my last ministry. After thinking about it for nearly eight years, I’ve concluded that it boiled down to personal revenge on the part of three individuals who spread their feelings to others. But if that’s truly the case, who is ever going to admit it? Maybe that’s why I have never heard directly from anyone who pushed me out at the end of 2009.
“Be generous. If your church does make the decision to fire your pastor, please be generous with severance and benefits. Don’t treat your pastor like a secular organization might treat an employee. Show the world Christian compassion and generosity.”
Sad to say, there are boards that look for every reason not to give their pastor a generous severance. I remember one board that referred the pastor’s severance to the congregation hoping they would turn it down.
With some leaders, once they know a pastor is going to leave, he’s no longer worth anything to them anymore. He’s dead weight. (This is exhibited by the fact that after the pastor leaves, those who forced him out will never contact him again.) They offer their pastor a token severance … threaten to pull it back if he doesn’t agree to their terms immediately … and send him and his family into the night with an exit that seems designed by the enemy.
The longer a pastor’s tenure at a church, the more committed he’s been to his congregation, and the more worthy he is of a generous severance package. But since it takes at least a year to find a new ministry these days … and usually longer … the board has to factor that reality into their creation of any severance package.
After I read Rainer’s article, I perused the comments, and ran across this admission:
“I appreciate this advice. I have had to be part of a firing and it was not easy. I wish I had these guidelines then. The one part we did decent was giving the pastor in question a long run away to find new employment and kept his benefits going in the transition. I really think we could have done more, but it was something. Often I think this idea of helping pastors launch into another ministry or even transition to a vocation outside full time Christian service is foreign to elders or boards because it is rare in business fields unless you are a high c-level executive with contractual basis. Thus they balk at the idea thinking it bad business or poor stewardship. Finding a role in another church takes time. Often churches are slow to hire, for good reason, so we should reflect Jesus’ generosity when we have to fire someone understanding they can’t just walk into another job next door.”
Here is the phrase that sticks out most to me: “I wish I had these guidelines then.”
What can you and I do to help pastors and boards handle their conflicts in a more biblical, just, and Christlike way?
That’s my topic for next time.
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