Many years ago, a church that I served as pastor held an Italian-themed outreach event on our campus one gorgeous Saturday evening.
Because we had a lagoon behind our property, my wife obtained a gondola and we offered our guests rides while someone serenaded them.
After one gondola ride, I greeted a woman I didn’t know and learned that she was from the Czech Republic.
As we walked toward the back entrance to our multipurpose room, she suddenly stopped and refused to go further. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that she was afraid of entering the church building.
We weren’t going to enter the worship center … merely a larger room used by various groups … but she became so petrified she would not advance a step further.
Many people in our culture won’t set foot on a church campus for a variety of reasons. Some have terrible memories from childhood. Others can’t forget the way a family member was mistreated. Still others are possessed by hostility toward God or pastors or churches as a whole.
But sometimes, people have a negative reaction because a church long ago made them feel so uncomfortable … or anxious … or excluded … or afraid … that they don’t want to feel that way again.
My wife and I attended a church in our area recently for the second time, but sadly, it will be the last time because that church … like thousands in our country … simply wasn’t ready for anyone new to show up.
The only way for any church to grow is by reaching newcomers … and you can only attract and keep them when you make them feel comfortable enough to stick around.
Let me share with you five things that many churches do to keep people from returning … and this is only a brief list:
First, they let the church phone go unanswered.
I was once speaking with a pastor in his office when the phone rang. When I asked him, “Shouldn’t you get that?”, he said, “No, the church answering machine will get it.”
But if a church wants to reach people for Christ, they need to treat every call as precious. You never know who’s on the other line.
I once read a story about a Christian leader who called many churches in his community before Christmas. In more than half the cases, nobody picked up the telephone.
We had a rule in our last church: during office hours, we will personally answer every call that comes in. When the office manager needed to use the restroom, she would first ask me or another staff member to answer the phone until she returned. If the entire staff was going out to lunch, the office manager would arrange to have a volunteer answer the phone during her absence.
There are many people who will call a church once. If nobody answers, they figure nobody cares … or they will call the next church on their list … and it won’t be yours.
What if it’s a potential leader … a large donor … or that prized volunteer you so desperately need?
Second, they fail to greet every guest personally.
Years ago, the late Howard Hendricks – speaker, author, and professor at Dallas Seminary – said that whenever he visited a new church, he played a little game.
He tried to enter the worship center without anyone greeting him.
Over the years, I’ve tried playing the same game, and so far, I’m winning.
A while back, I visited a church that meets on Sunday mornings at the local community college. I walked past two booths without anyone greeting me, and then I walked straight into the auditorium while a greeter kept his back to me while talking to someone he knew.
After I sat down, an older woman told me that I was sitting in her friend’s seat, and that she always sat next to her friend, the implication being that I was doing something wrong by coming to her church.
So I left and never went back.
The greeters in a church are crucial. Most people receive a warm feeling when someone says hi to them.
I’ll never forget the first time I visited Saddleback Church in Orange County where Rick Warren is pastor. They were meeting at Trabuco High School in the early 1990s. As my wife and I walked toward the gymnasium, we were instantly greeted by a couple of younger people who communicated, “We are so glad you’re here.” Their greeting took a lot of our initial anxiety away.
Then we were greeted when we entered the gymnasium.
Greeters don’t corner newcomers and ask if they can teach the fifth grade class. They just stick out their hand, say hi, and welcome you to their church.
I believe that greeters are so important in a church that they should be trained on a regular basis … and it’s so vital that the pastor may need to do the training himself.
Third, they fail to keep their promises.
I am one of those people who take their promises seriously. I try and underpromise and overdeliver.
But some churches do the opposite in their advertising: they overpromise and underdeliver. And when that happens, many people will stay away.
My wife and daughter and I recently visited a church on Christmas Day that advertised their service from 10:00 am to 10:45 am. We had visited several years before and didn’t return, but thought we’d give them another chance.
We didn’t get out at 10:45, though … we got out at 11:15.
Another time, my wife and I visited a church near our home and she signed up for a women’s Bible study, leaving her name and number.
She’s still waiting for a call.
Someone gave me a gift card to Kohl’s for Christmas, and I received a 15% off card in the mail. The checker at Kohl’s honored both cards, and I left a satisfied customer.
Church leaders need to make sure they honor their promises as well.
Fourth, they fail to use visuals during the Sunday service.
A church I admire has an annual emphasis on doing things for their community over several weeks. To celebrate what they did, they showed a video recapping the highlights of the previous few weeks.
It was quick … celebratory … and effective.
Even though I wasn’t there to witness what happened, the video made me wish I had been there.
I am a firm believer that churches need to use visuals as much as possible. Most churches nowadays have large screens to project the lyrics of praise songs. They need to do more than that, however:
*Put the announcements on the screen while they’re being made. Some people respond better to what they see than what they hear.
*Celebrate every major victory with either photos or a video. It will make people feel that they were present at the event.
*The pastor should use photos when he speaks. When I was a pastor, I took hundreds of digital photos everywhere I went. Most of them went unused, but when I told a story, I’d often say to myself, “Hey, I have a photo of that.” And I knew how to find it quickly. In fact, I had a private rule to use at least seven photos during every sermon.
*Use video when it’s appropriate. When I saw a concert at the Hollywood Bowl last fall, the performer used video. When I attend a major league baseball game, they use video. If you attend a business presentation, they use video.
For years, I’ve felt that whenever a pastor refers to a scene in a movie, he should show that scene during his sermon. It has more of an impact than if he tries to describe it.
There’s a famous church in London called Holy Trinity Brompton. They meet in an old Anglican Cathedral down the street from Harrods. I’ve visited the church three times. What do they do in that old building? They use photos and video.
Why don’t more churches use visuals? I don’t think the reason is theological. I tend to think it’s due to laziness.
We use microphones so people can hear. We need to use visuals so people can see.
Finally, they fail to plan the service wisely.
When I go to a play, I receive a program telling me the names of the actors as well as the scenes.
But when I visit most churches nowadays, I don’t know what’s going on.
On Christmas Day, the congregation sang six stanzas of “O Come, All Ye Faithful,” even though the song officially has only three. Then at the end of the service, we sang all six stanzas again, and I thought to myself, “Somebody didn’t plan this well.”
I like an order of service. I like to know who did the announcements … who read the Scripture … and who gave the message.
But many churches have dispensed with that information altogether, and to be honest, it makes me anxious.
My wife and I attended a service a while back that met in a middle school. The pastor spoke for a solid hour without notes, but his message was, in my view, much too long.
If a sermon is good, I don’t want it to end. If a sermon isn’t good, I want to escape. When it isn’t all that good, and the pastor goes on and on, I feel like a prisoner in church.
It’s fine to be spontaneous in the Spirit. Just let us know the general structure of the service … or guests may not return.
_______________
I pastored four churches. Two were under 100 … one was over 200 … and one was over 400.
I became a more effective pastor when I decided to ruthlessly evaluate how each church was doing and create a plan for becoming more outreach-oriented.
Most pastors focus on what’s happening on the stage … especially the worship music and the sermon.
But sometimes the impact of a church is determined more by little things like answering the phone promptly … greeting every guest warmly … keeping promises effectively … using visuals in the service regularly … and planning the service wisely.
What are some areas that make you feel uncomfortable at church?
I remember when I first moved to California, I visited several churches before deciding to attend the one I have now been at for over twenty years. I remember going to one church with my baby at the time, and two older ladies that I had just met asked me where my husband was. At another church a woman I had just met was insisting that she wanted to hold my baby. Needless to say I never went back to either one.
I have also since then visited some of my friends’ churches. One was full of very friendly people, but the service was old-fashioned. Another was very friendly, and the service was joy-filled with awesome music. I would go back to visit that one, especially for special events.
Greeters need to be friendly, and also polite and compassionate. Don’t ask personal questions of someone you just met. Don’t hug them, maybe just shake their hand if anything. Smile and say “Welcome!” and answer their questions about the church. Keep it simple.
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Thanks for sharing your experiences, Ce Ce. When I first came to the church you’re now attending, I had a free Sunday before starting work on Monday, so my wife and I visited a well-known church on a hill not too far away. As we wandered around the lobby, a woman came up to us, cornered us, and asked us all kinds of personal questions. I can’t even remember how the service went … all I can recall is how obnoxious she was!
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Shalom Jim , I have given up on churches, I now follow an online pastor on you tube, also receive emails from a pastor I have met and he tells his followers what happens in his meetings , he is a deliverance minister, also I share online, right now I am helping a friend ,encouraging her and teaching her ” THE SCRIPTURES’ to be strong in faith, trust ‘THE LORD JESUS’ as she has many problems, spiritual and physical, also with her daughter.
I have had so many bad experiences in churches only by ‘GOD’ grace I have survived. The first evangelical church we went for a couple of years never told me how to be saved, if I would have gone to heaven if I died, I came from roman catholic background and never read the ‘BIBLE’ ,one day I bought one at a church sale for 20 pence and from then on I wanted to know what ‘GOD’ was saying, what ”THE GOSPEL ”was all about. Then one day by chance I moved my radio program and heard a voice speaking of ”JESUS CHRIST’ it made me think and I was so upset, from then on I listened to all messages on the Christian radio, then I tried this church which was just up the street , they were friendly but it was simple teachings, then the caretaker was indecent towards my teenage daughter and I was just devastated .My daughter stopped going , they asked why we had stopped going ,so I had a meeting with the pastor wife and told her and she said’ we told him if it happened again him and his family would have to go’, yes it had happened before twice, imagine how I felt , they knew and didn’t tell me , I lost all trust in what I believed were Christians. Yes they apologised , but the damage was done, to this day my daughter has never gone back to any church, I told her that it was people not ”THE LORD JESUS’ that did wrong.
For one year I was out of the church, still listening to the Christian radio, my faith was strong, then head that there was ‘Bible ‘ teaching at the evangelical chapel, and with my husband we decided to go, of course I was weary of people, but when we went in , there were several people greeting , as we walked into the chapel it was full , the teaching was powerful , from that day we were there for a year, I gave my life to ‘THE LORD” here I understood that I was a sinner and needed salvation, I was baptised, my life changed forever.
What changed me also was the fact that here they had prayer ministry, after the service they had the elders of the church pray for the sick, anybody in need of prayer, laying of hands, I had never seen it, I asked for prayer as I was quite ill, both spiritually and physically, they helped me so much, I had not seen it in any other church. Yes Westminster Chapel was a place of salvation, restoration and healing for me, I learned how to witness , it was the best time for me , but the pastor retired and the new pastor changed all the ministries, and many left.
since 2001 I have not found a church to call home, yes I have been to some, one for nearly 3 years, a messianic congregation for over one year, but always something happened to drive me away.
Church its not about greeting , it is also about powerful preaching, reaching out to the lost, making sure they are saved, the church these days never ask if anybody doesn’t know ‘THE LORD JESUS CHRIST ‘ as their saviour, what it really means to be born again, congregations should do more to love and show the love of CHRIST, not look at the goings on of others, gossip, we are to be helpers.
I have met some Godly elder that have helped me , taught me, how to pray , to minister to others, church should be a place of worship, healing, restoration.
But I have seen evil, nasty behaviour , lukewarm preaching , and so I have given up.
THE LORD JESUS said , go preach the gospel , heal the sick, cast out demons , when I find a church that fulfil this mandate then it will be the right one, simple and Godly, the church of today is concerned with what is going on around , and not what should be happening inside the church.
I guess this is too long but one last of my experiences, for many years I would be waiting for the bus and saw many times people waiting to go in a building, I told my husband and he said ,probably going to the television building, well years later I found out it was a church, and they never had a street ministry to reach out nearby.
Once I went to that church, the sermon was simple, the band was too loud, no I was not impressed, then someone talked to me and I told him about them not witnessing , he said well we sent *** to Africa, yes doing charity is more important than lost souls, meanwhile the hare Krishna have more success recruiting as they go singing their mantra in the same area.
Another time I went to a large and famous church, Baptist, pastor was so stern, kept talking of this guy that was spending all the money the father had left him on drink, saying how bad he was, I guess he forgot the ‘Prodigal son’ how he had spent his father inheritance, and being forgiven by the father, then when it was time for breaking of bread, they said I needed a visitor ticket, as it was only for members, also I felt like I was being watched ,one thing is to have greeter , ushers they were even in the stairs. As I was leaving , this older man, grabbed me from my arm, I was totally shocked , and started to ask me , which church I had been , I told him about the Chapel and he was so angry, talking against the pastor how he had ruined it, I could not believe what he was saying, that same pastor had baptised me, also he was wrong the Chapel was doing so well ,I was saved because he preached the ‘Gospel’ in spirit and truth, it was terrible, that an elder of the church should speak such evil words against a pastor, I was so upset for months, had to pray and ask the ‘LORD JESUS’ to take my pain, so you see its not so simple to find the right church, hope you don’t mind my writing such a long comment.
The Lord Bless you and keep you , in his love Lucy*
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Hi Lucy, thanks for writing. I read every word that you wrote and I know it came from your heart. Thankfully, there are many different kinds of churches for many different kinds of people, and the Lord often guides us to a church where we fit relationally and where we can hear the gospel and respond. I don’t know where you’re writing from, but if you’re writing from London, I attended Westminster Chapel 15 years ago when R. T. Kendall was still pastor, and know a lot about the church’s history. May the Lord richly bless you and use you to bring many others to faith in Christ.
Jim Meyer
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