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When Should a Pastor Replace a Leader?

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on October 16, 2013| 6 Comments »

What should a pastor do when the person leading the music on Sundays isn’t working out, but is someone the pastor loves?

That’s the dilemma I faced in my second pastorate.

Jim was in his mid-70s when I first became a pastor.  He chaired the deacons … headed up the search team …  and yes, picked me up at the airport.

While he chose me to be his pastor, I did not choose him to be my song leader.  I inherited him.

We became friends.  We went to ballgames together … served at the rescue mission … and were in frequent contact.

Jim was also the church’s song leader for the Sunday morning and Sunday evening services.

I liked Jim, and he liked me.

After two years, our church merged with a sister church five miles away.  Jim remained the song leader … but he was losing it … and I didn’t know what to do.

Jim was an old school song leader.  He waved his arms to piano and organ accompaniment.  In the mid-1980s, that was bad enough.

But Jim kept choosing the same songs … to the point that we never learned any new music.  He frequently sang the wrong words … or stopped singing altogether because he often lost his place.

Worst of all, Jim felt it was his duty to tell jokes between songs … and he kept telling the same bad jokes over and over again.  (“Can you be a smoker and be a Christian?  Yes … but that will make you a stinking Christian.”)

Those comments didn’t exactly lead the congregation in an enraptured state to God’s throne.

To be kind, Jim was killing our worship times.  He wouldn’t let anyone else lead the music.  He wouldn’t let anyone else choose songs on Sunday nights.

And God forbid that we would ever use a band!

And yet, Jim was largely responsible for bringing me to the church … he still had influence in the congregation … and he was my friend.

What should a pastor in a similar situation do?

How should a pastor make a move to replace a leader who is no longer working out?

First, the pastor needs to clarify his authority.

Pastors sometimes have far less authority than people think.  For example, I intentionally tried not to weigh in on who should lead the women’s ministry.  Let the women handle that!

If there was a problem with an adult youth leader, I wanted the youth pastor to deal with that.

While I wanted to stay in touch with each ministry, I didn’t want to run each one, either.

But when it comes to a church’s worship services, everybody expects that the pastor is ultimately in charge.  And if the music is getting increasingly worse, the pastor needs to take action.

So in my case with Jim, I already had the authority to do something.

I just needed the courage to use the authority I had.

Second, the pastor needs to elevate ministry standards.

If a leader isn’t performing at the level the pastor expects … and the church requires … then the pastor needs to raise the bar.

The pastor needs to have a conversation with the leader in private.  The pastor may also need to create or modify a written position description that describes expectations and benchmarks for success.  He can ask the leader he’s struggling with for input as well.

The pastor then needs to say, “I need to see improvement in the areas I’ve specified over the next six weeks or three months.  Let’s meet every couple of weeks until the deadline.  I want to do everything I can to help you succeed.”

And the pastor needs to inform the church’s governing board that he’s trying to elevate the standards in that particular ministry.

I didn’t have this conversation with Jim, and I’m not sure it would have helped.  Because of his age – he was 78 at this point – he would have interpreted any criticism of his ministry as an indication that I was trying to put him out to pasture.  In addition, he was more than twice my age, and I’ve always been deferential to my elders (1 Timothy 5:1).

In our case, Jim and I clashed before we had that conversation.

Third, the pastor needs to expect sabotage.

From whom?  From the leader the pastor is trying to help.

Sabotage comes in different forms:

*Insubordination: “I am not going to do what you want.”

*Seniority: “I was here long before the pastor … and I’ll be here long after he’s gone.”

*Passive-aggressive behavior: the leader gives the pastor the impression of cooperation but resists making any changes.

*Coalition-building: the leader tells his/her network that the pastor is “trying to remove me from leadership” … hoping that network will support him/her against the pastor.

For this reason, the pastor needs to let the leader know in advance that actual sabotage in any form is grounds for instant removal.

In my case, I asked Jim one Sunday morning if he would sing some songs I had chosen about friendship for that evening’s service.

Jim told me, “Every pastor I’ve ever worked with has always let me choose the songs.”  I replied, “That’s fine, but I want us to sing these specific songs this evening.”

Jim refused.

And then he complained to his network that I was trying to curtail his authority.

I did not back down.  This was a battle I had to win.

The issue was not, “Which songs are we going to sing tonight?”  The issue was, “Who is ultimately in charge of our worship services … as well as our music?”

And the answer has to be, “The pastor.”

Fourth, the pastor usually needs to have a replacement available.

Before the pastor moves to correct a leader, he needs to have someone else available to step in and take the leader’s place … even on an interim basis.

There are exceptions to this rule.

For example, the pastor may not want to remove just the youth pastor … he may also want to blow up the entire youth ministry.

So if he removes the youth pastor from leadership, the pastor may let the youth group flounder for several months.

Why?  Because this gives the pastor time to find a new leader … and may rid the youth group of volunteer leaders who aren’t working out.

As I recall, in Jim’s case, we didn’t have another song leader available …  but that didn’t make Jim irreplaceable.

We eventually replaced him with a band.

Finally, the pastor needs to be prepared to let the leader – and his network – walk.

Whenever I had a tough conversation with a church leader, I knew from experience that the leader might get their feelings hurt and eventually leave the church.

So if the leader stays and improves, it’s a bonus.  But too often, the leader becomes upset, complains to family and friends, and the pastor becomes their enemy.

And for a pastor, losing a leader … and that leader’s network … is painful.  In their hearts, pastors don’t want to lose anybody.

But sometimes, leaders block a ministry’s progress, and if they won’t receive correction and initiate improvement, they have to go.

Especially with a ministry as important as music.

With Jim, he invited himself to the next board meeting, where he had not one … not three … but seven complaints to register against me.

The board listened to Jim’s complaints … challenged him on every one … and Jim sensed that they supported their pastor.

The next morning, he called to tell me that he was leaving the church.  Sadly, that was the end of our friendship.

And this is why these decisions are so full of conflict for pastors.

On the one hand … here is a leader who has been faithful and effective for a long period of time … even years.

But on the other hand, the leader no longer can take the church where it needs to go, and if they stay in charge of that ministry, it might never improve.

So what should the pastor do?

If the pastor does replace that leader, the pastor may lose the leader’s friendship … the leader may leave the church, along with his/her network … and there is no guarantee that the next leader will be any better.

If the pastor doesn’t replace that leader, that ministry may continue to flounder, the pastor may lose people’s respect … and if this scenario is replicated with other ministries, the pastor may end up leaving instead.

What are your thoughts on this issue?

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Lying in the Church

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , on October 2, 2013| 19 Comments »

I’ve had it up to here with all the lying.

In fact, it’s getting to the point where I don’t know who to believe anymore.

Allow me to explain.

I’m currently reading a biography of a famous sports figure.  This superstar had an agent who had represented him for 8 years.  When the superstar wondered how hard the agent was working on his behalf, the agent spent an entire day with his client, spreading mounds of relevant documents on the dining room table.  At the end of the evening, the superstar hugged his agent.

Not long afterwards, the superstar fired his agent … and then began to “spread the word that he was an ineffective, immoral, pathetic, snake of a man.”

One by one, nearly all of the agent’s famous clients dropped him.  With his reputation in tatters, the agent’s career was finished.  He eventually lost his home, sold most of his possessions, and contemplated suicide.

All because of a lie.

Lies are powerful things.  For some reason, people are quick to believe bad news about someone …  especially someone in a position of power.

CEOs, executives, and leaders of all types are routinely lied about … and that includes pastors.  You wouldn’t believe the lies that have been told about me … or maybe you would.

But aren’t God’s people to be purveyors of truth?  Isn’t Jesus our Lord the One who said, “The truth shall set you free?”

Yes and yes.

But when a major conflict invades a church, some people start lying.  Peter Steinke, in his book Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, writes that when a conflict “regresses to a forceful competition,” then:

“Lying increases, taking many forms – half-truths, withholding information, inflating statistics and bloating claims, fabricating events, releasing publicly that [which] was to be private, double talk, and false attributions.”

But why would any Christian lie?

To get their way.  To win a conflict.  To defeat their opponents.

But isn’t lying wrong for a Christian?

Yes.  The ninth commandment (“You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor”) stands for all time.  Since God does not lie (Titus 1:2), and 1 Peter 2:22 reminds us that Jesus never lied (“He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth”), God’s people are expected to be people of truth – even if the rest of the world lies.

But in all too many cases … when Christians want to win and make somebody else lose … they resort to lying.

I’ll give you an example.  I know a man who pastored a large church.  Some conflict began to surface inside his congregation.  This pastor told me that a woman wrote a letter to everyone in the church stating that the pastor did not believe several essential doctrines of the Christian faith.  The woman’s statement was 100% false, but the pastor ended up resigning … and a Christian leader (whose judgment I trust) told me that this pastor is among the best Christian leaders in his part of the country.

But he never pastored a church again.

While God cannot lie, Satan routinely lies.  In Jesus’ words, the devil is “a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44).  The very phrase “devil” means “slanderer.”  It’s Satan’s nature to lie.

When truth permeates a congregation, God prevails.  But when lying becomes prevalent, Satan prevails.

Let me make a strong statement: when people in a church lie to get rid of their pastor, they are inviting Satan to take control of their church.

Such people no longer trust God because they no longer trust truth.  They can’t push out their pastor unless they lie about him … so they lie … and unfortunately, all too often, the lies work.

Why?  Because Christians are naïve and gullible?

Maybe.  But the main reason that Christians believe lies is because they are unwilling to check and see whether the statements about the pastor are true or false.

Let’s say that I attend First Church and that after a year, I become a member.

One day, I hear a rumor from a friend that the pastor has stolen church funds, and has used those funds to build an expensive cabin in the mountains.

What should I do with that information?

I should not instantly believe the rumor.  Instead, I need to ask some questions:

*I need to ask my friend, “Who did you hear this from?  How reliable is the source?”  I need to be skeptical at this point.  There may be another agenda at work.

*I need to contact both a board member and a staff member and tell them, “I’ve heard this rumor about the pastor.  What light can you shed on this for me?”

*I need to contact the pastor and say, “There’s a rumor going around that you’ve stolen church funds and have used those funds to build a cabin.  Is this true?”

If I just take my friend’s word for it, then my friend controls me.  If my friend leaves the church over the rumor, then I may contemplate leaving.  If my friend jumps on the “push out the pastor” bandwagon, I will be tempted to do the same.

So I need to gather facts from others as well.  Even if my friend seems credible, I need to contact several church leaders – as well as the pastor – to find out if the rumor is true.

Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”

You can’t believe the first thing … or the first person … that you hear.  Why not?

Because you may be believing a lie.

If Satan assigned ten big liars to every church, but every Christian checked out the veracity of the lies before believing anything, the liars would all leave in disgrace.

But if all the liars have to do is float a lie … and it’s instantly believed … then Satan wins, and at least in that church, Jesus temporarily loses.

Seymour Hersh is a famous (liberal) journalist who laments the fact that government officials and journalists in America continually tell lies.  In a recent interview, Hersh said, “The republic’s in trouble, we lie about everything, lying has become the staple.”  We live in a culture full of lies, and sometimes it’s hard to know who’s telling the truth.

I don’t like to be lied to, and I will never support any politician – of any party – who lies to me.  Lying may work in the short-term, but it erodes trust over time.  But we almost expect politicians to lie, don’t we?

But God expects that His people will be people of truth … even when there’s a conflict involving a pastor.

Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us that there are seven things that God hates, including “a lying tongue,” “a false witness who pours out lies,” and “a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.”

Did you catch that?  God hates lying and division among His people.  Do we hate lying like He does?

Sometimes I wonder.

Nearly 40 years ago, I knew someone who served on the staff of a church.  From all indications, he seemed to be a good man.

This staff member wanted to get rid of someone in the church that he didn’t like.  Sadly, the staff member resorted to lying to get his way.

When the pastor did some investigating, he called the staff member into his office … asked him some questions … and caught the staff member in a lie.

The pastor said to him, “You know what to do.”

The staff member instantly resigned.

That’s the way we used to handle lies in the church.  There was always a price to pay.

But today?  In all too many cases, when professing Christians lie to remove someone … especially a pastor … from office, nothing happens to the liars.

And in almost every case where an innocent pastor is forced to resign, you can trace the campaign against him back to Christians who lied about their pastor.

If we’re going to advance the kingdom of God in our generation, Jesus’ church needs to be characterized by truth.  We need to adopt a zero tolerance policy about lying … especially about pastors.

And if we catch people lying about pastors … because the consequences of such lies can be catastrophic for the church’s future and the pastor’s career … we’ve got to come down hard on the liars.  They need to repent … even in front of the entire church … if we want God’s blessing.

But if we coddle the liars … and make excuses for them … and let them into key leadership positions … God help us.

Years ago, I decided that I want 5 words to summarize my ministry: HE TOLD US THE TRUTH.

May every follower of Jesus have that same desire.  As Paul writes in Ephesians 4:25: “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

Not two bodies … one.

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Stay Out of It!

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, tagged , , , on September 20, 2013| Leave a Comment »

The Los Angeles Dodgers beat the Arizona Diamondbacks last night to clinch the National League Western Division championship.

I grew up a Dodger fan but switched loyalties when my son was old enough to follow baseball.  We lived in an area where we could watch the Giants play.

As a Giants’ fan, I have some strong opinions about the Dodgers.  I especially have strong feelings about Dodger players celebrating in the pool beyond the right field fence in Phoenix last night.

But I choose to keep those feelings to myself.

I almost posted them on Facebook today, but decided to congratulate the Blue Crew instead.  I almost commented on a Yahoo story written about the pool incident, but chose to pull back.

Several times during the course of a week, somebody makes a comment on Facebook, or expresses strong feelings in an online article, and I want to share my two cents worth.

On occasion, I do just that, especially if I have the opportunity to speak out for biblical morality or against Christian persecution.

But you have no idea how many times I write a comment but then choose not to publish it … or how many times I want to write something but tell myself:

“Stay out of it!”

While Jesus was speaking to a crowd one time, a man called out, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me” (Luke 12:13).

Jesus did not follow up with a question.  He did not ask the man to come forward.  In fact, we don’t know how Jesus felt about the issue because He replied:

“Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?”

In essence, Jesus was saying, “You can’t pull me into your conflict.  I’m staying out of this one.”

Jesus was much wiser than we are sometimes.

Imagine that a friend of yours calls tonight and says that their marriage is on the rocks.  After listening to their pain, you ask a few questions for clarification.

Should you automatically take the side of your friend?  What if you know their spouse?

You weren’t asked to be a marriage counselor or a divorce attorney.  Your friend is asking for your support and probably your prayers.

But if they try and pull you over to their side, do your best to resist … at least until you’ve heard the other side and know the larger picture.

In the same way, I’m saddened by all the conflict in churches today … especially when Christians – who should know better – quickly side with their friends against their pastor.

What if their friends are wrong?

What if their friends obtained information secondhand?

What if their friends are exaggerating the issues?

What if their friends are part of a faction that is trying to take over the church?

What if their friends don’t really know what’s going on?

When you don’t know all the facts … even if your friends try and convince you to take their side … I encourage you to follow Jesus’ example and say:

“I’m going to stay out of it!”

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This is the 299th article I’ve written on my blog.  I’m also less than 500 views away from reaching 50,000 total.

If you’re a regular reader, thank you!  If you’re just visiting, I invite you to return.

If you have any ideas for my 300th article, please share them in the comments section.  Thanks!

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The Foolishness of Secret Meetings

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , on August 14, 2013| 9 Comments »

Have you ever attended a “secret meeting” at your church?

I have … on at least three occasions.  On each occasion, I as senior pastor met with the church board to discuss disturbing allegations that had come to light about staff members.

So what I’m about to write about does not primarily apply to officially called meetings of a church’s governing board … unless the board violates Scripture, church bylaws, and the gospel.

But have you ever had a group call a secret meeting about you?

Yes.  I know of one definite secret meeting where I as pastor was the topic of conversation, although there have probably been others that I’ve never found out about.

During my second pastorate, a former board member (I’ll call him Bert) resisted changes that the church board and I had implemented in our worship service.  Bert and his wife left the church and began attending elsewhere, but a year later – invited back by a few disgruntled individuals – he returned.

And right after Bert’s return, someone called a secret meeting.  I was the unwilling focus of discussion.

The first attempt at meeting secretly didn’t work.  A board member – who supported me 100% – showed up at the meeting unannounced.  The meeting was quickly cancelled.  (Secret meetings are no longer fun when they’re no longer secret.)

But the second meeting came off successfully.  I was later told that 17 people attended the meeting.  (That was better attendance than we sometimes had for midweek Bible study.)

Guess who became group spokesman?  That’s right … my good friend Bert.

The group sat in a room and listed every sin … every offense … and every thing they didn’t like about me … my wife … my 9-year-old son … and my 6-year-old daughter.

They came up with quite a list.  If they had only shown the list to me, maybe I could have repented of those sins and experienced instant sanctification.

But they didn’t show me the list … they wanted to show the list to the church board.

Fortunately, those 17 people couldn’t keep their mouths shut, and someone tipped me off to their tactics.  The Secret Meeting Coalition wanted to meet with the church board to confess all my personal and professional sins.

So the following Saturday morning, I called a meeting with the church board in my office.  First, I needed an answer to a crucial question:

“How do you feel about what the SMC is doing?  Do you agree with them?”

The board assured me – to a man – that they stood behind me 100%.  In fact, they said that if I resigned, they would all quit as well … which would place the church squarely in the hands of the SMC.  Not good.

I then offered two suggestions:

“How about if two of you meet with two of their representatives?”

That evened the playing field … opened up the chance for dialogue … removed a lot of emotion from the meeting … and provided the best chance for me to be treated fairly.  The board made this suggestion to the SMC, and they agreed to it.

“Rather than letting them read their whole list of charges against me, why don’t you answer each charge as it’s being made?”

The board thought that was an excellent idea, and that’s what they did.

After the two groups met, I was informed of the charges against me and my family.  Mercifully, I can only remember a handful of them.

For example, I was accused of not reprimanding a woman in the church who wore her dresses too short … and the SMC was right about that.  (Besides the fact that this woman’s marriage was falling apart, I never thought it was my place as a pastor to ever tell specific women how to dress.)

The SMC also brought up that my wife’s slip was showing one Sunday.  (But if it bothered somebody so much, why didn’t they love my wife enough to speak with her directly instead of telling 16 other people about it?)

Every single criticism was precisely that petty.  (If I had been guilty of just one major offense, they wouldn’t have had to manufacture miniscule offenses.)

After the two board members answered every single criticism, the SMC probably held several more secret meetings.  They eventually left the church en masse, formed a new church in a school one mile away, and used our church as their sole mission field.

Let me make five observations about secret meetings in churches:

First, secret meetings are not found anywhere in the NT.

Secret meetings are spiritually dysfunctional … relationally damaging … highly political … and psychologically unhealthy.  The secrecy itself says far more about group members than it does about anyone the group is focused on.

Peter Steinke, in his brilliant book Healthy Congregations: A Systems Approach, states: “When we are anxious … we are imprecise, vague, covert, less transparent.  We operate in darkness.  Secrecy is a deadly virus.  Undetected, it can do untold damage, lasting for years.  How can a congregation be a healthy community if it lives in darkness, keeps skeletons in the closet, and allows destructive disease processes to continue?”

Second, secret meetings are an unbiblical way to handle people’s grievances. 

If someone was upset with me or my wife personally – according to Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15 – they should have spoken with us directly, not about us to others.  If they didn’t like the answer they received from us, they could have proceeded to bring in witnesses as Jesus specifies in Matthew 18:16.  And if they were still unhappy about our personal conduct, they could have used the process Paul specified for correcting pastors in 1 Timothy 5:19-21.

But how was listing my faults and sharing them with board members going to help me to become a better person and pastor?

If someone was upset about a church policy – like changes in the worship service – they could have spoken with any board member because we had all agreed on the changes together.  If they didn’t like the answer they received from a board member, they had two options: stay and submit to church leadership, or leave the church peacefully.  A secret meeting was not going to resolve any of their concerns.

But when people pool their grievances, they automatically become divisive.  Joe is upset with the pastor for Offense A … and now Madge is upset with the pastor for Offense A as well.  She takes Joe’s side … carries his offense … adds a few of her own … and the whole group falls right into the trap that one author calls The Bait of Satan.

Division in a church begins when people begin to pool their grievances.

Third, secret meetings tend to overfocus on one person – usually the pastor.

These meetings are specifically arranged to find a scapegoat for the unresolved anxiety experienced by some group members.  “We’re feeling uncomfortable right now, so let’s blame how we feel on the pastor – and if we can make a case against him, we’ll all feel ecstatic very soon.”

But the church would have been in far better shape spiritually if those who had met to hypercriticize their pastor met instead to confess their sins … read Scripture together … pray for church leaders … and engage in a service project for somebody else.  But for some reason, they never found the time to do that.

Fourth, secret meetings reveal the immaturity of participants.

Let me quote Peter Steinke once again: “Secret meetings are not arranged for the welfare of the whole community, nor are they dialogical in nature…. Secrets support immaturity.  Underground murmurers in a community are usually insecure, dependent, and childish people.”

Why is this?  Because participants in secret meetings do not feel strong enough to share how they feel with their pastor or leaders.  They only feel strong when they meet with fellow malcontents.  But when they do, nobody will challenge them … nobody will disagree with them … and nobody will love them into health.  And when they finally leave the room clinging to a list of somebody else’s faults, they are silently confessing that they don’t know anything about grace or redemption.

Rather than becoming angry with people who resort to secret meetings, we should genuinely feel sorry for them … and if they don’t repent, pray them right out of the church.

Finally, secret meetings consist of ecclesiastical vigilantes.

These people ignore the teachings of Scripture on reconciliation … bypass due process as outlined in church bylaws … and decide to take matters into their own hands.  Their group alone knows what’s best for the church!

That particular group of vigilantes couldn’t make a go of their new church.  They found attracting newcomers was hard going, although I have a feeling that they never figured out why.  Their church eventually disbanded.

And you know what was ironic?  When two of the people in that group died, I was asked to conduct their funerals.

I assumed that everyone in that group hated me, but they didn’t.  Only a couple of people in that group really hated me.

It’s been 25 years since that secret meeting took place.  I’ve learned a lot since then about healthy and unhealthy behavior among Christians.

And one of the things I’ve learned is that many of the secrets that arise out of secret meetings eventually become known.  Nothing stays hidden forever.

And yet tonight … all over this land … Christians will be holding secret meetings … most of them aimed at their pastor.

To quote from an old folk song, “When will they ever learn?”

_______________

Check out my website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find my story and recommended resources on conflict.  I will also be leading 3 seminars addressing church conflict on Saturday, August 17 in Temecula, California.  The details are on the website.  I’d love to have you join us!

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Shocked by Pastoral Transitions

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , , on July 22, 2013| 14 Comments »

What happens inside a congregation after a pastor has been forcibly terminated?

It might surprise you … and even shock you.

From all I’ve gathered, here are four events that often occur after a pastor has been forced to leave a church:

First, there are immediate attempts to discredit that pastor.

In Season 5 of the hit TV show 24, Karen Hayes and her assistant Miles march into the Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU) and attempt to absorb CTU into Homeland Security.

With CTU Director Bill Buchanan onsite and in their way, the pair get together and concoct a story designed to (a) discredit Buchanan in the eyes of his loyal CTU followers, and (b) provide justification for their own takeover.

But to discredit Bill Buchanan – a man of great integrity and sound judgment – they have to lie about him.  In their minds – because they believe they are better suited to lead CTU than Buchanan – their lie is justified.

I can’t cite any studies on attempts to discredit former pastors, but I’ve heard plenty of stories, and they’re basically the same.  As soon as the pastor leaves, some people begin to slander him.

But the sad part is … few people make any attempt to stop the lies.

But if you permit a lie to be told without correcting it, aren’t you guilty of perpetuating that lie?  And how can God bless your church if there’s such blatant sin in the camp?

Over the past several years, I have been shocked to learn how often Christians – even Christian leaders – lie.  They do this either to discredit another leader or to build up their own accomplishments.

I’m reminded of the time that a pastor near Willow Creek Church was circulating false stories about Bill and Lynne Hybels.  The two of them went directly to that pastor and said, “The things you’re saying about us are tearing our hearts out!”  The lies stopped.

On behalf of every pastor who has been undeservedly forced to leave a church, let me say to those who are spreading falsehoods: “The things you’re saying are tearing our hearts out!”

Please, stop lying about men and women who have been called by God to serve His church.

Second, the interim pastor tries to discredit the previous pastor behind the scenes.

There are several options available to interim pastors after they follow a pastor:

*The interim can ignore the previous pastor.  In their book The Elephant in the Boardroom, Weese and Crabtree write: “It would be refreshing and liberating for many members to hear their pastor speak, in positive terms, the name of the pastor who went before and was referred to as an instrument in God’s plan for building the church.  In reality, the opposite is often the case.  A pastor is sometimes so threatened by the esteem paid to a predecessor that he or she gives the signal to members that they are not to speak about the predecessor in the pastor’s presence.”

A pastor wrote me recently and said that after being forced to resign, the bully responsible for the pastor’s departure told that pastor’s church friends to shun him, which hurt that pastor deeply.  Seven months later, that pastor is still in great turmoil.  But like it or not, the previous pastor’s presence hangs over a church for a long time, so we can’t just pretend that he was never around.

I love the way the San Francisco Giants handle matters with their past managers and players.  As often as they can, they bring them back to honor them just for being a part of the Giants’ family.  Even if a famous manager or player left the Giants under less than optimal conditions, the Giants still attempt to honor them in public.  If secular companies can do this, why can’t churches do this as well?  What about Hebrews 13:7?

*The interim can trash the previous pastor.  Several pastors have contacted me recently and told me how hurt they were to hear that the interim pastor who followed them adopted this approach.  The interim’s attitude seemed to be, “Your pastor deserved to leave this church.  You shouldn’t have any more contact with him.  He shouldn’t even be in the ministry anymore.  I’m your pastor now, so follow me.”

I can understand why an interim pastor – who has a short window in which to try and turn around a leaderless church – would want a congregation’s attention focused away from the previous pastor.  But to do that, must the interim intentionally harm the reputation of the previous pastor and act like that pastor was evil incarnate?  Where do we find this tactic in Scripture?  If the interim trashes the previous pastor, won’t the interim eventually be trashed as well?  (See Matthew 7:1-2.)

*The interim can honor the previous pastor.  This is the approach recommended by Weese and Crabtree who label this approach TLC: talk, listen, and confirm.  They write: “Members and leaders need to confirm that past experiences, including those with a predecessor, make an important contribution to the drama of their lives even when a significant change had to be made.”

They continue: “The operation of the human ego in pastors can work against a healthy pastoral transition.  The ego does not want to ‘adopt’ the effective ministries that were the ‘children’ of the previous pastor; it wants to have its own children. . . .  It is best to think of a pastoral transition as a blended family in which former effective ministries are adopted by the new pastor while new ministries are birthed as well.”

The best way to honor a previous pastor is to speak well of him in public … and to defend him from slander in private … even if he wasn’t perfect.  (Interims aren’t perfect, either.)

Third, some of the people responsible for pushing the pastor out become church leaders.

In fact, those who pushed out the previous pastor will try and cozy up to the interim.  They’ll rip on the previous pastor and tell the interim that he’s just what the church needs … even if they don’t yet know him.

Some interims fall for this approach.  Maybe they no longer feel significant in ministry or they need affirmation or they’re glad to hear that the previous pastor had his foibles.  But then they take this information and embellish it.

However, if they were saner, they’d realize that the people who tried to push out the previous pastor may be at the forefront of pushing out the interim.  People who crave power want it no matter who is leading their church.

In fact, let’s just say it: the bullies responsible for forcing out an innocent pastor should never be allowed to get anywhere near church leadership unless they repent … even if they become bosom buddies with the interim or the next pastor … and the interim/next pastor needs to know all the names of those who pushed out the previous pastor.

I recently asked a pastor this question: “If you became the pastor of a church, and you knew the names of those who pushed out the previous pastor, would you put any of those individuals into leadership?”  My pastor friend didn’t even blink.  He immediately uttered, “No.”

Forgive me, but how can pastors be so stupid?

If Jesus had stayed on the earth 40 years instead of 40 days, and He decided to get the old gang back together, would He have chosen Peter again?

Yes, because Peter repented of the fact he had denied Christ three times.

But do you think Jesus would have put an unrepentant Judas back into leadership?

No way.

And yet in church after church, after the previous pastor has left, Judas is asked to become a church leader … and we wonder why we can’t expand the kingdom of God.

Finally, most of the pastor’s supporters eventually turn on him.

I’m going to share a story that I’ve never told before.

Two months after my wife and I left our last church, I drove by myself back to our old place – a full day’s drive.  Our house was on the market but hadn’t yet sold.  We had left many things behind and needed to transport them to our new home.

I stayed for the last time in our old bedroom.  That night, I walked around our former neighborhood and spotted the house of the individual most responsible for our departure.

I knew who that was and what he had done.  In fact, his wife had called churchgoers in an attempt to harm our reputations.  To this day, I don’t know why he attacked me, although my hunches are probably accurate.

Anyway, I sat on a park bench and prayed for him and his family.  I forgave him and his wife.  I asked God to bless them.

But several months later, this man spent an entire evening running me down in front of friends and supporters even though he had never confronted me to my face.

When he was allowed to do that, I knew what would happen: my wife and I would lose nearly all our friends from that church.

We weren’t there anymore.  We didn’t know what was being said about us,  so we couldn’t adequately defend ourselves.

After this trashing occurred, people who promised they would remain my friends slowly stopped being my friends … and I will probably never see them again this side of heaven.

The trashing was aided and abetted by a Christian leader who should have known better.  He knew exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it.  He was scapegoating me for the entire conflict.

After this happened, I contacted some friends from that church, but their attitude toward me had changed.  They were done with me, and I knew it.  They have made zero attempts to renew our friendship.

What hurts the most is not that we’ve lost friends, but that friends who once believed in us seem to have sided with our critics.

We still have a few friends in that community, and because they’ve remained with us through thick and thin, they will probably always be our friends, for which we’re grateful.

I can accept the fact that when a pastor and his wife move away from a church community, the pastor and his wife … as well as their church friends … will all make new friends … and gradually drop some of their old friends.

But I refuse to believe that God supports the trashing of a Christian leader’s reputation when that leader is not guilty of any major offense.

When I was nineteen years old – and had only been a youth pastor for two weeks – I learned about some sexual shenanigans that involved top leaders in my church.  I was devastated.

My pastor – who later became my father-in-law – told me that night, “Jim, don’t ever be shocked by what Christians do.”

Over the years, I’ve tried to take his advice … but forgive me if I’m still shocked by how Christians behave during pastoral transitions.

Because if Christians preach that every person is made in the image of God … and that God loves every one of us … and that Christ died for every person … and that God isn’t finished with any of us yet … then how can Jesus’ people trash Christian leaders – especially those who aren’t present to defend themselves?

Let’s play on Jesus’ team … and not on Satan’s.

Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and information about upcoming seminars.

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Interview with a Church Bully

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on July 15, 2013| 8 Comments »

Let me introduce you to Zane.  He’s been a member of the governing board at the 225-member First Baptist Church in a medium-sized Midwestern city for 42 years.

During that time, Zane has watched 10 pastors come and go … and most of the time, Zane has led the charge for the pastor’s removal.

I recently asked Zane if I could interview him about the way he wields power in his church.  I had just one stipulation: he had to tell the unvarnished truth.  Zane agreed.

Zane, the average tenure of a pastor in your church is less than 5 years.  Why is this?

For the first year or two that a pastor is with us, he is still feeling his way around.  He’s trying to get settled, matching names with faces, and learning about our culture.  During this time, I still wield the power in the church.  But if new people start visiting, and the church starts to grow, then I gather my board buddies together and we start sabotaging the pastor’s ministry.

Why would you do that?  Don’t you want your church to grow?

Not really.  If the church grows too much, then the balance of power will tilt toward the pastor, and we will have to work even harder to dislodge him in the future.  While it would be nice to have more people and funds, we can never let the church get larger than our ability to control things.

But don’t you want to fulfill Christ’s Great Commission and make disciples?

I almost never think about people outside this church.  My goal is to satisfy the desires of the people I know inside this church.

How does that work out in practice?

For example, I meet with my buddies at a restaurant before every board meeting.  We review the agenda and make decisions among ourselves.  Then when we attend the meeting, we control everything, and the pastor ends up having little influence.  On those rare occasions when the pastor persuades the board to do something his way, I contact the board members afterward and bring them back into line.

So you don’t want your pastor to be a leader?

That’s right.  The pastor doesn’t know the community or the church’s history or its people like I do.  We hire him primarily to preach, counsel, do visitation, and conduct weddings and funerals.  We don’t need or want a leader.

When you finally decide that a pastor needs to go, how do you accomplish that?

The best way to get rid of a pastor is to wear him down so he’s no longer effective.  There are several ways we do this.

First, we oppose his plans for outreach.  We can’t afford to have people join the church that we can’t control.  Newcomers are almost always loyal to the pastor, so we have to limit their number.  We usually do this by controlling the money.

Second, we always make sure to attack the pastor’s wife.  We’ll criticize her for working outside the home (meaning she’s not very involved at church).  Or we’ll criticize her for not working outside the home (indicating that she’s lazy).  If she’s not outgoing, we’ll say she’s unfriendly.  If she’s too outgoing, we’ll claim she wants the spotlight.  It doesn’t take long for the pastor’s wife to sense that we don’t like her – and she’ll pass on her feelings to her husband.  When she starts missing meetings, or stays home from church completely, then we’ll claim the pastor doesn’t manage his family well.

If attacking the pastor’s wife isn’t successful, we start in on their kids, and we always find something to nail them on.  As we start spreading our opinions about the pastor’s family around the church, they practically have their bags packed.

When we attack his family, the pastor begins to wear down physically.  He becomes discouraged and depressed.  He starts isolating himself from others.  Then we claim that he isn’t fit to lead us.  This usually works.

And if that doesn’t work?

Then we start spreading half-truths.  We’ll claim that the pastor has been padding his expense account.  We’ll claim that his wife is seeing someone else.  We’ll say that one of their kids is getting poor grades.

If we’re consistent and adamant about our claims, most people in the church will believe us.  Very few people ever ask the pastor if the claims are true.  You wouldn’t believe how naïve most Christians are.  They believe the first thing anybody tells them especially if it comes from an official church leader.  My wife and the wives of my board buddies have become experts at calling churchgoers to run down the pastor.

But that’s lying!  How can you justify what you’re doing?

I’m not really lying … just stretching the truth a little bit.  In all honesty, I don’t care about the pastor – I care about the church.  And I really don’t care about the congregation as a whole – only about my friends and family.  As long as I’m in charge, they’ll keep coming because they know I represent their interests.

But isn’t what you’re doing in direct contradiction to Scripture?

Well, I asked Jesus into my life when I was 9 years old, so I know I’m going to heaven.  But I’ve learned more about subverting a leader from following politics than from the Bible.

What about church bylaws?

We either ignore them or rationalize that they don’t apply in our situation, and nobody has ever called us on it.

If a pastor became wise to your tactics, is there a way for him to stop the attacks?

I suppose there is theoretically, although no pastor has ever tried.  To stop us, the pastor would have to expose our behind-the-scenes machinations to those outside our network.  Since I’m in control of my network, almost nothing the pastor could say would sway them, but if he could document our tricks, he might convince some people to stand against us.  However, in that case, we’d just claim that the pastor was being divisive.

Just in case, we make sure to build strong alliances before we launch our attacks.  I contact the district minister of our denomination and detail the pastor’s deficiencies, so if the pastor ever contacts him, the district minister recommends that the pastor leave the church to keep the peace.  I also contact the associate pastor and office manager and coax them into spying on the pastor.  One is always a willing accomplice.

If by some strange occurrence the pastor survives my campaign against him, I have one more ace to play: my buddies and I threaten to leave the church.  We’ve only had to do this twice, and it worked both times.  If you just say, “It’s either us or the pastor,” it’s amazing how quickly people turn against the pastor because people assume that we know things they don’t know.

If the pastor resigns, what happens to his supporters?

Most of them eventually leave the church, so it affects our attendance and giving temporarily.  But we usually hire a new pastor within a few months.  When we advertise the position, we’ll get 200-300 resumes – and I always make sure to stack the search team with my people so I have the final say.

What happens to the pastors that you force out?

I don’t really care.  I’d say less than half go back into church ministry.  Right after the pastor leaves, I make sure to spread a few additional rumors about him to discourage people from contacting him in the future.  When a pastor is at our church, I try and discredit him.  After he leaves, I try to destroy him.  That way, if he tries to tell anyone from the church why he really left, he’ll be shunned rather than taken seriously.

What’s your worst nightmare?

A pastor with experience who is a strong leader.  If the church starts growing rapidly, and donations pour in, I might have to sell my soul to the devil to stop him.

I’m also afraid of a pastor who is adamant that he gets to face his accusers.  My whole strategy is based on secrecy and back-hallway maneuvering.

I’m also afraid of a pastor who comes to this church and teaches the congregation how to prevent and resolve conflicts biblically.  My success at chasing out pastors is based on my ability to manipulate a faction to carry out my wishes.  If a pastor taught the church how to handle disagreements in a biblical way, my time as a leader might be nearing an end.  Fortunately, most pastors avoid preaching on conflict, so right now, I’m safe.

One more thing: I’m fearful of a principled board member that I can’t manipulate, as well as a strong lay person who insists that we follow the Bible in our dealings with the pastor.

The latest statistics indicate that 23 million Christians in America no longer attend church.  What kind of role does bullying a pastor play in those numbers?

How would anyone know that their pastor was being bullied?  I do my work in secret, and few pastors or Christian leaders are willing to discuss the issue.

Any final words for our readers?

You’re not actually going to publish this interview, are you?  You never told me that!

____________________

I hope by now you’ve figured out that this is a purely fictional interview.  It’s a composite made up of church bullies that I’ve known, read about, or heard about from other pastors.

A friend of mine is writing a book about church bullies, so if you have any stories you’d like to share that he can use, please send them to me and I’ll pass them along.  Thanks!

Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and a forum where you can ask questions about conflict situations in your church.

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Mobbing a Pastor

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , on July 9, 2013| 8 Comments »

While browsing through various tweets on Twitter two days ago, I ran across a three-month-old blog post on the topic of pastors and suicide from Brian Dodd.  Here is his article in full: http://briandoddonleadership.com/2013/04/10/pastors-and-suicide/

Dodd states that the pastoral profession has one of the top three suicide rates of any profession, along with doctors and attorneys.

The author had a pastor friend who took his own life, leaving behind a wife, two children, and three grandchildren.  The deceased pastor’s suicide note had been posted for a brief time on Facebook.

Then Dodd said this:

“As Christians, many of us should be embarrassed at how we treat pastors, church staff, and their families!!!! Embarrassed!!!  These people pray for us daily, go to God on our behalf, study for years to get better equipped to serve us, live in glass houses, sacrifice more than we will ever know, each week feed us God’s Word, and tell us what Jesus thinks about the issues of our life.  And we have the unmitigated gall to question their communication skills, insights, biblical knowledge, and leadership skills.”

Here’s the coup de grace:

“If you are someone who is always hassling your pastor, talking bad about him/her, listening to people’s ‘prayer concerns,’ or leading the charge to have them removed, please do us all a favor and just stop.  It’s acceptable to address issues, just not in a way that demeans people.  And if you can’t do that, do us all a favor and just leave the church … NOW!!!”

My sentiments exactly.

Dodd’s article led me to another one by Steve Vensel on the phenomenon called “mobbing.”  Vensel has been a practicing counselor for 30 years.  Steve Brown – a wonderful preacher and writer – was Vensel’s pastor for many years.  Vensel eventually earned a PhD from Florida Atlantic University by writing about the issue of mobbing.  Here’s his initial blog post on this topic: http://www.poopedpastors.com/blogs/mobbing/

The following are my questions followed by Vensel’s answers:

What is mobbing?

Mobbing is defined “as the prolonged malicious harassment of a coworker by a group of other members of an organization to secure the removal from the organization of the one who is targeted.”

What does mobbing involve?

“Mobbing involves a small group of people and results in the humiliation, devaluation, discrediting, degradation, loss of reputation and the removal of the target through termination, extended medical leave or quitting.”

What happens after a person experiences mobbing?

“It is a traumatizing experience that often results in significant financial, career, health, emotional and social loss.  Mobbing is unjust, unfair and undeserved.  In a church setting the organization includes staff members, elders, deacons, and congregation members.”

How do these people act before mobbing begins?

“The pastor is rarely confronted by individuals seeking to solve an actual problem or there may be a bullying attempt to control the pastor.  The mobbing begins as others are pulled in and persuaded that the target is the problem.  In churches there is rarely, if ever, a chance for the pastor to face his accusers because of the ‘people are saying’ syndrome and ‘they’ don’t want to cause problems!

How do pastors respond to mobbing?

“Mobbing is progressive and eventually the targeted pastor is so confused by the unfairness of it, and so in shock by the brutality of it, they simply don’t know what to do. . . . pastors are often told not to talk to anyone or they will split the church and that would not honor Christ.”

What is the impact of mobbing on pastors?  (For me, this is the most thought-provoking statement in the article.)

“The personal impact includes deep humiliation, anger, anxiety, fear, depression, and isolation.  There is often a profound sense of shame (guilt is ‘I’ve done something bad,’ shame is ‘I am something bad’) that works to redefine all previous accomplishments as meaningless and all future hopes as dashed.  In short, mobbing often convinces the target that they are failures and always will be.”

Did you catch that?  Mobbing “works to redefine all previous accomplishments as meaningless and all future hopes as dashed.”  This means that after a mobbing, the typical pastor cannot identify any ministry successes in his past and cannot envision any ministry success in his future.

Vensel goes on:

“While a mobbing is taking place the pastor and his family do not know who they can trust or who they can talk to.  Fearing further reprisals they remain silent, deepening their isolation, and become either depressed or physically ill.  It is a vicious cycle that, because of the shame attached to it, doesn’t end when they leave the church.”

I have never received a satisfactory answer to the following two questions:

How can professing Christians act this way toward someone called by God?

And how can professing Christians allow mobbing to occur in their own church?

I went through this experience nearly four years ago, and its effects are ever with me.  I wrote a book to help me work through what happened, but most pastors don’t have that luxury.

I’m going to try and learn more about mobbing a pastor, and when I do, I’ll pass on my findings to you.

What are your thoughts on mobbing a pastor?

Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and a forum where you can ask questions about conflict situations in your church.

 

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Discerning Your Church’s Spiritual Health

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , on June 17, 2013| 1 Comment »

Sometimes when I’m reading, I run across a comment that makes me stop and think long and hard.

That’s how I felt when I ran across this statement from Neil Anderson and Charles Mylander in their book Extreme Church Makeover:

“If I had to determine the spiritual health of a church on only one issue, I would find out if the governing board of the church consisted of people coming together to persuade each other of their own independent will or spiritually mature children of God coming together to collectively discern the will of God.”

In a nutshell, the authors are asking:

Are the members of the governing board first asking God about church direction, or are they first asking each other?

I’ve worked with boards that run the gamut on this question.  Here’s what I’ve noticed:

First, a spiritually mature board takes time to listen to God’s Word.

The church I pastored in the 90s did this at every meeting.  The chairman would choose a passage … some of them a bit on the long side … and he’d read it to us.  We’d discuss it afterward.

This simple act was a way of saying: “This board … and this church … are under the authority of the Word of God.  Before we do anything else … and before we talk among ourselves … we want to hear what God is saying to us.”

But I’ve also sat on boards where the Bible wasn’t read, or if it was, it was done hurriedly.  It’s like saying, “Let’s give God a nod but get right to the good stuff … our ideas.”

It seems to me that if a board is serious about Scripture, it will gravitate in the direction of fulfilling Christ’s Great Commission.

And its members will listen to what the Spirit is saying to their church.

Second, a spiritually mature board takes time to pray unhurriedly.

This may seem like a given, but I’ve sat in board meetings where we barely prayed at all.  I distinctly remember one meeting where neither the chairman nor anybody else prayed to open the meeting.

That meeting didn’t go well … and no wonder.  We didn’t invite God’s presence or direction into our time.

But I’ve been in many meetings where all the board members prayed before starting the meeting … everybody prayed at the conclusion of the meeting … and we’d stop and pray anytime we got stuck on an issue.

I’ve heard excuses for not doing this like “we can pray as individuals at home” or “we have such a packed agenda that we need to start immediately.”

But if the board is truly composed of a church’s most spiritual people, wouldn’t they want to ask God for His intervention in church life?

Didn’t Jesus tell His disciples, “Apart from me, you can do nothing?”

And that’s what happens when a board doesn’t take time to pray: nothing.

Third, a spiritually mature board values transparency concerning each person’s spiritual progress.

This can be done in conjunction with Scripture reading and prayer, but it’s essential … because only a board that’s growing spiritually can lead a church that’s growing spiritually and numerically.

As the Book of Malachi clearly specifies, as the leaders go, so go God’s people.

It seems to me there are three levels of sharing that go on between spiritual leaders:

Level One: how I’m doing at work

Level Two: how I’m doing with my family

Level Three: how I’m doing emotionally, morally, and spiritually

Most boards feel free to discuss Level One, especially if board members attend their meeting right after work.

Some board members will discuss certain family issues … especially the need for healing if a family member is physically ill.

But few if any board members will discuss their spiritual, moral, or emotional lives with each other … and yet Level Three represents the greatest opportunity for spiritual growth.

I once worked with a board where we had monthly meetings to discuss church issues … and weekly meetings to discuss our own spiritual growth.  The longer we met together, the more transparent we became with each other … and the more bonded we ended up becoming.

So when we came to do “board business,” decisions came quickly because we knew each other so well.

Finally, a spiritually mature board sets aside personal agendas and seeks God’s agenda for their church.

I once worked with a board member who had a dream: he wanted to see a worship center on the front lawn of our church’s property.

Our church at the time didn’t have a proper worship center, having met in a fellowship hall and a small gymnasium in the past.

This man was so influential that several of the buildings were named after members of his family!

But as God got ahold of his heart, he gave up his dream and chose to follow the Lord’s dream for that church instead.

And to do that, he pledged to follow the leadership of his pastor.

A prominent pastor once told me that several members of his governing board would meet in a restaurant before the official board meeting … and that was the real meeting.

Then they came to the official meeting and imposed their wills on everybody else.

That’s the exact opposite of what Anderson and Mylander are saying.

They believe that if board members say, “Our will be done,” that church is headed for disaster.

But if board members say, “Your will be done, Lord,” that church has a far greater chance to succeed.

In your church, do you think your board members are saying:

“Our will be done?”

or

“Lord, your will be done?”

Why don’t you take the time to find out?

Because the answer to those questions may well determine your church’s future … as well as your own spiritual growth.

Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and a forum where you can ask questions about conflict situations in your church.

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Blocking the Great Commission

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Current Church Issues, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on June 14, 2013| 3 Comments »

“We’re on a mission from God.”

Those immortal words from the film The Blues Brothers – a movie I’ve only seen in edited form on TV – perfectly describe in succinct form what the church of Jesus Christ is all about.

God has given His people an assignment: to “make disciples of all nations.”

The assignment is not to hold worship services … or to preach sermons … or to construct buildings … or to fashion a church budget … or to create a shelter from the world for our kids … or to have a small group ministry.

Those are all means to one end: to fulfill Christ’s Great Commission.

Jesus’ final words to His disciples are found in various forms in Matthew 28:18-20; Mark 16:15; Luke 24:45-49; John 20:21-23; and Acts 1:8.

We worship God … listen to sermons … construct buildings … have youth groups and small groups and men’s groups and women’s groups … so we can make disciples of all nations.

And we do that by going … baptizing … and teaching (Matthew 28:19-20).

Most pastors know that carrying out the Great Commission is their divine assignment.

But from what I see and hear, most churches have flunked their assignment.  They aren’t making disciples … they aren’t baptizing new converts … and if they are teaching them Jesus’ words, their efforts have little to do with Christ’s divine mission.

In some cases, the pastor is the problem.  During my first few years as a pastor, I focused on helping believers grow spiritually – expecting they would share their faith with their network and eventually bring them to church.

But it never happened.

One year, I baptized one convert.

I asked myself, “What’s wrong with us?”  But in reality, I needed to ask “What’s wrong with me?”

Because in many ways, I was the problem.  I didn’t preach or prioritize the Great Commission at all … and our church was slowly dying.

Like many pastors, I was blocking the Great Commission in our church.

But once I realized my omission on the Commission, I changed my ways.  We built our church around Christ’s assignment and things changed dramatically.

But in talking to many pastors over the years, I realize that most know their God-given assignment, and want their church to go in that direction.

But when they try, they meet resistance.  In fact, this is the point at which many pastors are terminated.

Why?  Because the governing leaders and key opinion makers have another agenda for their church … and it’s not the Great Commission.

They want more and deeper Bible study.

They want to be doctrinally pure.

They want all of their family members … as well as their friends … to be happy.

They want to meet the budget.

They want to have a clean building.

While these are all worthwhile goals, they are not the Commission … they are possible means to the Commission.

But for some reason, most churches are willing to stop far short of actually winning people to Christ.

In fact, far too many of them are willing to make sure that the Commission is never fully implemented in their assembly.

Like one woman told a pastor friend: “I’d rather go to hell than to follow your leadership.”

Let me just say it: there are people in our churches who put their own personal agenda … and often the agenda of their friends … ahead of Christ’s agenda for their church.

When I attended the Catalyst seminar for Christian leaders several years ago, either Andy Stanley or Craig Groschel – I don’t remember which – told pastors:

“You cannot let anybody block the Great Commission in your church.”

I wholeheartedly agree with that statement.

In fact, they suggested that pastors remove anybody who is blocking the Great Commission in their church.

Recently I spent some time with a group of pastors who shared the same story over and over.  They said:

“We wanted to reach our community for Christ, but one longtime member … one bully … one board member … one faction … stood in our way.  As long as they were successful, the church didn’t go anywhere.

But when we wouldn’t meet their demands … when we confronted their misbehavior … when we removed them from office … when they left the church … that’s when the church took off.”

As I read Paul’s letters, I get the impression there were many professing believers who were blocking the Great Commission in their churches … like Hymenaeus and Alexander (1 Tim. 1:19-2) … and Philetus (2 Tim. 2:17-18) … and Alexander the metalworker (2 Tim. 4:14) … and the feuding women Euodia and Syntyche (Phil. 4:2-3).

When Paul wrote about these Commission blockers, he expressed a sense of urgency, as if he were saying, “Resolve these issues as soon as possible so you can resume your evangelistic efforts.”

I recently met with a longtime pastor friend for a meal.  As we discussed these kinds of people, he said, “Jim, I just don’t put up with it anymore.”

As the late Howard Hendricks used to say, may his tribe increase.

23 years ago, I came to a board meeting at the church I was pastoring with a radical proposal:

I suggested that we sell our church property and start over again in a different location.

As I described what we could become and the people we could reach, the two oldest board members caught the vision … for which I will always be grateful.

They said to me:

“Jim, we failed to reach our generation for Christ … but we want to do everything we can to help you reach your generation for Christ.”

And they did … sacrificing time and energy and money for the Great Commission.

Rather than block my proposal, they embraced it and led interference for me every step of the way.

And I will never, ever forget them for it.

We eventually did sell our property and start a new church, and in five years, we baptized 100 people … a far cry from one per year!

I don’t like saying it this way, but I’m going to say it anyway:

The pastor is the professional.  He’s been called by God … trained and certified and examined in countless ways … and he’s specially gifted to lead a church.

The governing board members are at best amateurs who lack God’s call … who lack special training …who haven’t been certified … and lack their pastor’s giftedness.

The factions inside the church may be vocal … and they may be loud … and they may claim, “The pastor hurt my feelings” … but they have no idea how to lead a church.

So I’m going to follow my pastor’s leadership … not that of the board or any faction – even if they are my friends.

This is the choice we all have.  In football parlance:

Am I going to block the plays my pastor calls, or am I going to block for the plays my pastor calls?

And if I can’t block for him, I’ll find another team where I can block for that pastor.

But one thing’s for sure: I never want to block the Great Commission from happening in my church.

Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and a forum where you can ask questions about conflict situations in your church.

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Tolerating Church Sins

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Current Church Issues, Fighting Evil, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Please Comment!, tagged , , on June 12, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Several weeks ago, I was invited to attend an all-day Doctor of Ministry class at my seminary.

The first half of the class dealt with turning around a church, while the second half focused on conflict resolution.

As I came to understand, turnarounds often require conflict resolution.

Our instructor – a veteran pastor and conflict resolution practitioner – told us that in one church, 14 leaders were involved in sexual immorality.

You read that right: 14.

If there is a God … and if He is holy as Scripture indicates … and if He longs to bless His people … then how could He bless that church?

He couldn’t … and only a process involving individual and corporate repentance and reconciliation could help that group turn things around.

All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), including pastors, governing leaders, staff members, and average churchgoers.

When we confess our sins to God as individuals, He forgives us every time (1 John 1:9).

But sometimes churches tolerate the sins in their midst, and in those cases, God cannot and will not bless that church until they deal with those sins.

Having been in church ministry for nearly four decades, I’ve seen some sins that churches rarely deal with.  Let me list a few of the ones I’ve witnessed:

First, many churches do not protect their pastor from attacks.

While serving in my third staff position, my pastor was mercilessly assaulted verbally.  The attacks were undeserved, cruel, and personal.

My pastor called to tell me that he was so upset by these attacks that he couldn’t study for his Sunday message.  It was open season on him.

So I asked the deacon chairman if I could attend their next meeting.  I said, “Your pastor is under attack.  If you have a problem with something he’s doing or saying, then tell him yourself.  But if not, you need to protect him from these attacks.”

The deacons voted 5-2 to do something to protect their pastor … and then did nothing.

But the deacons weren’t the only ones responsible.  The malcontents became bold with their complaints and spread them throughout the church.

If just a few of the people who heard the complaints had challenged them … or reported them to the pastor or various board members … or to several of the opinion makers in the church … this whole sorry episode could have been avoided.

My pastor was never the same after he endured the attacks … and the after effects stayed with the church for years.

Just as Israel in the wilderness sinned by complaining against Moses and Aaron, so too thousands of congregations cannot move forward until they admit:

“Lord, forgive us for sinning against our pastor by not protecting him from slander and character assassination.”

Second, many churches tolerate … and even revel … in malicious gossip.

My first pastorate was in a small church in Silicon Valley.  It didn’t take long for me to size up what happened if certain women didn’t like what their pastor did or said.

There were four middle-aged women who had plenty of time on their hands.  The locations of their houses roughly formed an invisible square.

They talked on the phone a lot … and seemed to delight in running down people at every possible opportunity.

For most of my ministry life, I have tried to apply the truths of Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 to gossips:

“Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you – for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.”

In other words, since I’ve said unkind things about others, I need to be gracious when others are unkind toward me.

But one woman in particular could be nasty.  She didn’t just talk about other people – she tried to destroy them with her tongue.

All I had to do was listen to the way she talked about others to know how she talked about me.

Since these women were more than twice my age, my wife and I tried to love on them as much as possible.

But church leaders … most of them males … knew how destructive these women were, yet would not speak to them about this issue.

It’s not necessarily a sin to talk about others … but it is a sin to talk about them maliciously.

For that reason, many churches need to admit:

“Lord, forgive us for tolerating malicious gossip in our midst.”

Third, some churches tolerate sexual immorality.

I was once a staff member in a church where sexual immorality was rampant.

Let’s just say that some of the activities at church parties weren’t condoned by Scripture.

When this behavior finally leaked out, I couldn’t believe it … because many of the participants were leaders and teachers … and even people who had led and taught me.

This misbehavior had to be known by many people … but people maintained silence for a long time.

When somebody finally spoke up and told the pastor, he took immediate action … and the perpetrators all left the church.

But how can God bless a church where key leaders are fooling around with impunity?

Some churches need to confess:

“Lord, forgive us for tolerating sexual immorality in our midst.”

Fourth, most churches don’t take Christ’s Great Commission seriously.

If it’s true that only 15% of all churches are growing – and that 85% of churches are stagnating or declining – it’s easy to see why:

Most churches exist only for themselves.

I recently held some conversations with a church in another state.  They claimed they wanted to reach out to unbelievers in their community but refused to make any changes in their worship service.

But if and when guests do visit, they can immediately sense that the service is designed for those who are already there … and that they are excluded by default.

And if they feel that way, they won’t be back.

I honestly believe that most Christians either think there isn’t a hell or that the unbelievers they know aren’t going there.

And since nobody is spiritually lost, let’s just make church for us!

And that’s how most churches act.  They’re stuck in survival mode because they don’t take Matthew 28:18-20 seriously.

But most churches need to admit:

“Lord, forgive us for being apathetic toward lost people … and empower all of us to bring people to Christ.”

Finally, some churches need to deal with painful memories.

I’m currently reading a book by Neil Anderson and Charles Mylander called Extreme Church Makeover.

The subtitle tells it all: “A biblical plan to help your church achieve unity and freedom in Christ.”

The authors state that most churches try to ignore their past, but “if leaders sweep repeated offenses under the rug, they will soon trip over them.”

They observe: “If the leaders bury the painful past and refuse to discuss it, they cut themselves off from God’s blessings for today and tomorrow.”

They go on: “Some of Satan’s favorite deceptions are that darkness is safer than light, that hidden things are better not discussed, and that pain has no permanent resolution.  Misguided leaders see painful church memories as something embarrassing that should be ignored, thus allowing the sores to fester instead of heal.”

Many families have experienced a traumatic event in their past.  They refuse to discuss it because they don’t want to relive the pain.  But those painful memories linger in the minds of sensitive family members.  The family remains quietly or openly fractured until they finally face their past and seek healing … which usually requires some degree of confession and forgiveness.

Church families often behave the same way.

Anderson and Mylander ask:

“Is it really possible that Satan can take advantage of a church corporately because of painful memories?”

They go on: “We believe he can.  It is not the memory itself that gives the enemy an advantage over us, but rather the lack of forgiveness. . . . because refusing corporate forgiveness allows Satan to have access to the church.”

I have only scratched the surface of sins that churches in our day tolerate.  (Read Jesus’ words to the churches in Revelation 2-3 for some eye-opening divine evaluations.)

What are some church sins that you’ve noticed?

Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and a forum where you can ask questions about conflict situations in your church.

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