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Archive for the ‘Conflict with Church Antagonists’ Category

Someone recently sent me a notice stating that a church volunteer who worked with youth had been arrested for having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a minor.

The person who sent me the notice knows both the church and the volunteer and said that a key staff member had been warned about this particular volunteer but chose to take no action.

Every church deals with potential intruders that violate healthy boundaries.  In his book Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, Peter Steinke lists the following common boundary violations in churches:

*accusing someone without reasonable cause or without initially talking to the accused

*disregarding guidelines, policies, and procedures

*humiliating people publicly or privately

*using verbal pressure to intimidate

*holding others hostage by threats or demands

*enlisting others to attend secret meetings

*labeling others with emotionally-packed words

*speaking on behalf of others, as if they know what the other is thinking

*telling different accounts or sharing different information, depending upon the hearers

*attaching fear to issues to control others

These behavioral “viruses” are constantly trying to invade congregations, which is why every church needs a strong immune system.

Steinke writes:

“Everyone’s body is equipped with proof of identity – that is, cells in our body have the same chemical combinations.  It’s as if they wear identical costumes.  Viruses also have a distinct chemical costume.  The immune system keeps cells that are bona fide residents separate from illegal aliens.  In immunology terminology, the immune system learns to distinguish ‘self’ from ‘nonself.’  Once an intruder is spotted, the immune system compares it against the rogues’ gallery of known pathogens.  If tipped off by resemblances, the immune system arrests and eliminates the intruder.  Sorting out self from nonself, the immune system says: ‘Red blood cells, good guys.  Skin cells, part of us.  Okay.  Virus … no good.  Toe.  Keep.'”

Steinke says that just as we find intruders in the human body, so we find intruders in churches:

“Lacking self-regulation, these individuals may act where they have no authority, say things that have no ground in truth, complain to everyone else except those who can do something about the situation, or place themselves in a position to control the nomination process.”

Steinke then compares the body’s immune system to immune systems in churches.  Usually the immune system is composed of a few key leaders who:

*serve as sentinels and provide the frontline of defense.

*sense when something is out of balance or troubling.

*see things firsthand and possess knowledge not widely known.

*realize that if something isn’t done, the church could pay a heavy price.

*constitute the “first responders” and sometimes must work hard for others to believe them.

After 36 years in church ministry, I’ve discovered that a congregation’s immune system may reside inside:

*the pastor.

This is especially true when a church is small.

During my first nine years as a pastor, when the church body was invaded by a violator, I was usually the one who initially addressed the issue and sought the help of other leaders.  While I didn’t like dealing with invaders, I knew what could happen if someone in authority failed to act as an immune system.

Most pastors cannot function as an immune system by themselves, but they may be the only ones who can point out the violations and the dangers of not acting.

*the official church board.

Most churches are as healthy as their boards.

In one church I pastored, the chairman and I made joint decisions on how to handle intrusions, and the church stayed healthy for years.

In another church I pastored, the chairman didn’t work with me.  One time, we had an inappropriate intrusion into our body, and I asked the chairman to write a letter and deal with the issue.  The letter he wrote was so incoherent that it wasn’t sent … and the body quickly became ill.

*a staff member.

I know a megachurch where a single staff member serves as the immune system for the entire staff.  He stays in touch with everyone … investigates any charges against staff members … and has earned the authority to make decisions regarding staff.  Not surprisingly, he’s been the pastor’s right-hand man for years.

*an individual of great wisdom and stature.

If someone had asked me during my last pastorate where the church’s immune system was located, I would have said, “The church board.”  And for much of my time there, that’s where the immune system was located.

But it took me a long time to realize that one individual in particular (a former board member I’ll call Robert) really activated the immune system.

One time, I was having trouble with a staff member who was resisting making changes we had both agreed upon.  The staff member was engaged in passive-aggressive behavior and modeling resistance.  It looked like an invasion of the body was imminent.

I called upon Robert, and we worked together to bring the body back to health.  But I couldn’t have done it alone … and he probably could have done it by himself!

But when Robert and his wife moved away, he took the church’s immune system with him, and the body was ripe for invasion.

It’s not any fun being a key part of a church’s immune system.  Dealing with invasions of the body is a behind the scenes, thankless task.

But every healthy church has a healthy immune system, usually composed of several individuals.

Who composes the immune system in your church?

 

 

 

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It is possible to read the New Testament dozens of times and yet miss the clear meaning of certain verses.

For years, I missed these two:

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?  If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.”

These words of Paul from 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 sound like they come from the Old Testament: “If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him.”

What is God’s temple in this context?

God’s temple is a local church.  (The terms “you yourselves” and “you” in verse 16 are both plural.)

What’s Paul saying?

That anyone … believer or unbeliever … who destroys a local church will be destroyed by God Himself.  (Sounds like a guarantee, doesn’t it?)

Wow.

God’s Spirit lives among His people.  God’s church is sacred.

Therefore, if an individual or a group destroys a local church, God promises to destroy them.

How many times can you recall hearing anyone preach this text?

I’m not aware that I’ve ever heard any preacher or teacher highlight or explain these verses … but they are there all the same.

What’s the most common way of destroying a congregation?

That’s easy: attack the pastor until he’s forced to resign.  Gary Pinion writes in his book Crushed: The Perilous Side of Ministry:

“Spiritual leaders are prime targets in these last days.  The Bible tells us that if you strike a shepherd, the sheep will scatter.  Entire congregations can be wiped out with a single blow to one shepherd.  For this reason they are the number one public enemy on Satan’s hit list…. Corresponding with this gigantic loss of shepherds, new studies are also providing growing evidence of a great loss of churches.  A study in Exit Interviews by Hendricks shows the appalling results of the loss of ministers: there are now 53,000 people leaving churches weekly who are not coming back.  George Barna’s research sadly declares that we are losing one percent of our churches in America every year, as godly warriors depart from the battle arena.  As shepherds leave, sheep leave.”

Pinion then quotes a woman whose congregational experienced major conflict:

“The conflict resulted in the pastor being forced to leave.  Because of this decision, the people who supported the pastor left the church.  The church attendance was reduced to half, relationships were severed, weekly income was drastically cut, and various ministries in the church were forced to disband.  The church became known in the community as a place of power struggles, fighting and discontent.  I could go on and on.”

The latest statistic I’ve run across is that 4,000 churches close down every year in the United States.

Let’s acknowledge that a small percentage of pastors may contribute to the destruction of a church through domination, intimidation, manipulation, or retribution.  Some pastors have behaved so badly that they have almost singlehandedly wiped out a church they’ve pastored.

But the great majority of the time, churches are destroyed by lay powerbrokers who want to limit their pastor’s authority so they can expand their own influence and that of their friends.

If I disagreed with something my pastor was doing or saying, I would make an appointment and speak to him lovingly and directly.

If he didn’t agree with me, I would either stay and support him or leave the church … without taking anybody with me.  (Division in a church begins when people pass on their personal complaints to others.)

Based on the entire tenor of the New Testament … and specifically 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 … I would never want to do anything to destroy a church that Jesus is building in a particular community.

But if I found out that I had contributed to a church’s destruction, I would repent immediately … or else be wondering constantly when God was going to take me out.

These verses don’t specify how God chooses to destroy a church destroyer.  His wrath could be exhibited in this life (primarily for a believer) or in the next life (possibly for an unbeliever).

But however God decides to deal with someone, He has an infinite number of punishments at His disposal.

If you’re a lay leader in a church … maybe a board member, or a deacon, or a ministry team leader … I beg you: be very, very careful how you treat and speak of your pastor.

Pastors are not infallible.  They make mistakes.  And when they mess up, they need to be graciously and truthfully confronted.

But you should always aim for their restoration and redemption, never their punishment and destruction.

Remember Paul’s phrase: “If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him.”

Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

That’s exactly how God intended for it to sound.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Winston Churchill is one of my few heroes.

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When Time named their Person of the Century in 1999, they gave the award to Albert Einstein, truly a great man in a century dominated by scientists.

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But without Churchill, we might be living under a Nazi flag.

I’ve had the privilege of visiting some Churchill sites, including Blenheim Palace (his birthplace and boyhood home) in England, the nearby churchyard in Bladon (his final resting place), and the underground Cabinet War Rooms in London, from where he coordinated the British fight against Hitler’s Germany.

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Right now, I’m reading William Manchester’s second volume on Churchill entitled The Last Lion: Alone 1932-1940, and I’m continually drawing parallels between the way Sir Winston viewed the Nazis and the way churches deal with antagonists.

The First World War was horrendous, resulting in 885,138 combat deaths for England and 2,050,897 deaths for Germany – not counting wounded soldiers.  When the Allied Powers drew up the Treaty of Versailles in 1919, they threw the book at Germany, demanding financial reparations totaling $442 billion in today’s currency (Germany made their last payment on October 4, 2010), forcing them to disarm, and making them take full responsibility for the war.

While the German leaders at the time tried to cooperate, Hitler and his cronies began their slow rise to power.  Hitler telegraphed much of what he did – through his autobiography Mein Kampf, his speeches, and various interviews.

After he became Chancellor of the Reich in 1933, Hitler charmed diplomats from countries like England, assuring them that he was rebuilding the German military only for defensive purposes.  Still gun-shy 15 years after the end of World War 1, the nations of Europe – and their leaders – chose to believe him.

All the while, Hitler was training young men to be soldiers, cranking out munitions at a non-stop pace, and putting together a top-flight air force, the Luftwaffe.

There were British citizens inside Germany who knew exactly what Hitler was doing.  But when they sent their data to the Foreign Office in London, they chose to ignore the facts, convincing themselves that Hitler’s military buildup had no relevance for England.

But Churchill knew better.

While still a member of the House of Commons, Churchill had been banished from any top leadership posts in His Majesty’s Government.  Whenever he rose to speak in the House, his views were ridiculed because he was relegated to being a Backbencher.

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But Churchill had a friend who lived near his Chartwell home who consistently delivered hard data about the Fuhrer’s real intentions.  Churchill had to be careful with the information because if he shared too much in public, politicians and journalists would demand to know where he obtained it.

Let me share with you four parallels between how England viewed Hitler and how many churches view conflict:

First, most people are conflict-avoiders.  The British did not wish to fight any country so soon after the Great War, a conflict that the United States entered late in the game.  And even when Hitler conquered Poland and bombed London, our country publicly remained isolationist.  (We didn’t officially enter World War 2 until Pearl Harbor.)

Most of us act the same way.  If there is a conflict in our family, we avoid it as long as we can.  If there is a shouting match between politicians on television, we turn the channel.  And if there is conflict at church, we look the other way or deny that it’s happening.  After all, we reason, it’s not my fight.

The truth is, even if it is our fight, we’ll do almost anything not to fight – and that emboldens certain people.

Second, there are usually signs that conflict is brewing.  The increasing number of German soldiers and munitions – along with the expelling of Jews – was a clear indication that something ominous was about to occur on the Continent.  Conflict almost never erupts without warning.  Those whose eyes are open can usually connect the dots.

During the message time at our church yesterday, we saw a video interview of a father and mother.  Their son had been acting strangely but they had no idea what was wrong.  As it turned out, he was on drugs, eventually taking both ecstasy and heroin.  The signs of drug usage were there, but this couple – who prided themselves on having a harmonious, loving family – refused to admit that their son could be involved with any mind-altering substances.

Denial in the face of evil can lead to destruction, not life.

Something similar happens in church life.  We don’t want to believe that the pastor is immersed with pride, or the youth pastor is getting too close to that Jr. High girl, or that board member has destructive intentions.  While the warning signs are there, we don’t act on them.

If the problem is within your authority, deal with it as soon as possible, using Matthew 18:15-20 as a guide.  If the problem lies within someone else’s purview, inform them quickly.  If you see something that concerns you, speak up and take action!  Delay leads to defeat, not victory.

Third, call evil for what it is.  The first time I heard about Adolph Hitler was when I was five years old.  (Hitler had committed suicide only fifteen years earlier.)  The atrocities he committed were still fresh on everyone’s mind, bolstered by The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by journalist William L. Shirer in 1959 (the longest book I’ve ever read besides The Bible).

When I entered fourth grade, our class saw a lot of newsreels of Hitler.  We saw him making speeches.  We saw the torchlight parades in Nuremberg.  We saw the Nazis burning books (at what is now a peaceful little park in East Berlin, shown in the photo below) and the Jews being fed into ovens.  We saw images of evil that never left my innocent little brain.

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And much to the credit of my teachers, we learned how Hitler came to power, fooled his own people, and disguised his true intentions to the world.

In other words, we learned how to detect evil before it openly surfaced.

Please hear me: evil isn’t confined to dictators.  You will find evil in churches, too.  And not just evil actions; people can be evil.

How can you tell who they are?

They never admit they do anything wrong.  They blame all problems on other people.  They disguise their real intentions and lie about others – especially leaders.

Their ultimate goal?  The destruction of church leaders so THEY can be in control and call the shots.

Scott Peck wrote about such people in his book People of the Lie.  It’s a chilling read.  Lloyd Rediger has also written about such people in his book Clergy Killers.

Hitler was evil.  Sadly, a handful of church people are evil, too.  I hope no one like that is in your church, but evil people have been known to infiltrate churches.

I’ve met a few.  Have you?

Finally, Christians have to be willing to fight evil.  Whenever Hitler bombed London, businessmen and families headed for shelter, especially in the depths of the British subway system known as the Tube.  They ran from evil.

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But the British war planes couldn’t hide in the Tube.  It was their job to take on evil – and they did so nobly.  We might not be living in a free country if the British hadn’t confronted Nazi evil in their own backyard.

No Christian should go looking for evil in a church.  Churches have enough hyper-critics.  But when evil rears its ugly head, and it’s obvious there are people bent on destroying the pastor or other leaders, evil must be resisted – and defeated.

Evil cannot be appeased.

A few weeks ago, I caught The Two Towers – the second film in The Lord of the Rings trilogy – on television.  At the end of the film, as Frodo is nearly possessed by the ring’s evil, he says, “I can’t do this, Sam.”  In what is probably my favorite speech in any movie, Sam replies:

“I know.  It’s all wrong.  By rights we shouldn’t even be here.  But we are.  It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo.  The ones that really mattered.  Full of darkness and danger, they were.  And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end.  Because how could the end be happy?  How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?  But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow.  Even darkness must pass.  A new day will come.  And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.  Those were the stories that stayed with you.  That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why.  But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand.  I know now.  Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going.  Because they were holding on to something.”

Frodo asked wearily, “What are we holding onto, Sam?”

Sam replied, “That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo … and it’s worth fighting for.”

Churchill would be proud.

______________

Although I wrote this post several years ago, I thought I’d repeat it and add to it because there is so much evil in the world today.  Thank you for reading!

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Pastor Jon was in trouble.

He had graduated from Yale as a young man, becoming valedictorian of his class, and later became a faculty member there.  But he sensed that God wanted him to become a pastor rather than a professor.

So Jon was called to pastor the church that his grandfather had led for 57 years … a prestigious church of 600 members.

Several years later, Jon’s ministry gained great fame when 300 people were converted within 6 months.  He later preached one of the most influential sermons of all time.

But although Jon was held in high esteem outside his church, his influence gradually began to wane among his own congregation.

For starters, Jon was paid by the local town council, and some people objected to the fine clothes and jewelry that his wife wore.

Since the townspeople paid his salary, they felt they had a right to know how Jon and his wife Sarah spent their money, so they requested an itemized family budget.

Sarah began having nightmares about “being driven from my home into the cold and snow” and “being chased from the town with the utmost contempt and malice.”  She imagined that her enemies surrounded and tormented her, worrying “if our house and all our property in it should be burnt up.”

In addition, Jon had noticed that many of his converts seemed to be more emotional than devout about their Christian faith, so he began to stiffen the requirements for church membership.

He also insisted upon “closed communion,” believing that only believers who had given evidence of conversion should take it, eventually resulting in the suspension of the Lord’s Supper for many years.

Jon also believed that a church should be a theocracy (ruled by God through the minister) rather than a democracy (ruled by congregational decision-making).

While Jon could sense that some were rebelling against him, he was often locked away in his study.  But his wife could feel what he couldn’t see.

He wrote a book to explain his views … but hardly anyone read it.  People began to spread hearsay testimony against him, claiming that he wanted to “judge souls.”

After 23 years as pastor, Jon was finally voted out of office by a 10-9 vote.  His ministerial career was over.

Because Pastor Jon was dismissed over a matter of conscience, the church had a hard time attracting pastoral candidates.  Because Jon couldn’t sell his house, he stayed in town, and even did some guest preaching for the church that fired him.

Finally, Jon was asked to be a missionary and moved across the state.  During that time, he wrote books … mainly on theology … works for which he is still known today.

Jon was asked to become the president of Princeton, and died a few months later at the age of 54.  Sarah died 6 months afterwards.

If you haven’t guessed already, Pastor Jon was one of the greatest philosophers, theologians, and preachers that America has ever produced: Jonathan Edwards.

He pastored a church in Northampton, Massachusetts, from 1727 to 1750 … and found himself right in the middle of the First and Second Great Awakenings.

Edwards’ case shows that given the right conditions, every pastor is susceptible to forced termination.

There is a general consensus among Christians that when a pastor is forced to resign, he must have done something to cause his dismissal.

But I know many pastors who have sterling character … are wonderful preachers … and caring pastors … who have been pushed out of a church.

In fact, the latest statistics say that 28% of all pastors have gone through at least one forced termination … and I know good men who have been through this experience two or three times.

Yes, a small percentage of pastors probably shouldn’t be in church ministry.  And yes, there are some highly dysfunctional churches out there, most of them ruled by a single individual or family.

But many … if not most … pastoral terminations occur because of a “perfect storm.”

I once knew a pastor who had great success in two churches.  When he was called to the third church, things did not go well, and he quickly latched onto another position.  Was that last situation all his fault – or was it simply a combination of circumstances?

In my own case – which I’ve recorded in my book Church Coup – my departure occurred because of a variety of factors, including a national recession (which impacted giving), inexperienced and over-reactive leaders, an undermining predecessor, exaggerated charges, and my own exhaustion, which caused me to be reactive rather than proactive in handling conflict.

In the case of Jonathan Edwards, here was an authoritarian pastor, a town increasingly receptive to democratic ideals, three wealthy individuals who opposed Edwards, the unfortunate death of his best ally, and the long shadow of Edward’s grandfather Samuel Stoddard, who was still venerated by the people of Northampton … and some of whose practices Edwards tried in vain to change.

But that’s not the whole story.

According to William J. Petersen’s book 25 Surprising Marriages, the union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards produced the following descendants: “13 college presidents, 65 professors, 100 lawyers, 30 judges, 66 physicians, and 8 holders of public office, including 3 senators, 3 governors, and a vice president of the United States.”

There’s an old saying that states that history is written by the conquerors.  So I suppose that whenever a pastor undergoes forced termination, those who pushed him out think that their story is the final account.

But as the life of Jonathan Edwards demonstrates, even the greatest of men can be rejected by their contemporaries.

Just like Jesus.

 

 

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I’ve recently been doing an intensive study of Numbers 16 … the story of Korah’s rebellion against Moses and Aaron.

Korah and three of his colleagues … along with 250 community leaders … decide that they don’t want to follow Moses’ leadership anymore.

Why not?

The group approaches Moses and Aaron and says in Numbers 16:3: “You have gone too far!  The whole community is holy, every one of them, and the Lord is with them.  Why then do you set yourselves above the Lord’s assembly?”

Translation: “There is nothing special about you two leaders.  We are just as holy as you are.  So why are you always telling us what to do?  We’re not going to take it anymore!”

Moses and Aaron were old men.  It’s possible that Korah was much younger and felt he could do a better job at overseeing priestly duties than Aaron could.

But as the story proceeds, it’s obvious that God sides with Moses and Aaron and opposes the attempted coup.

Most church conflicts begin because a group inside the church believes that they know how to run the church better than the official leadership … usually the pastor.

Their attitude is, “We’re more spiritual than the pastor … we’re smarter … we’re more resourceful … we’re more in touch with the congregation … so we should be running the church rather than him!”

Whenever these conflicts arise in churches … and they arise all the time … most people miss the best way to resolve the conflict.

The question is not, “Who is best qualified to lead this church?”

The question is, “Who did God call to lead this church?”

Moses told the coalition in Numbers 16:11: “It is against the Lord that you and all your followers have banded together.”  They thought they were rebelling against two human leaders, but Moses says, “No, by rebelling against God’s leaders, you’re really rebelling against the Lord.”

Moses goes on in Numbers 16:28, “This is how you will know that the Lord has sent me to do all these things and that it was not my idea.”  Then he proposes a test to determine who is on God’s side and who is not.

Early in my ministry, I inherited a church board full of wonderful men … all except for Don.

Don wanted to take our church back to the 1950s – even though it was the late 1980s – and he wanted us to reinvent ourselves into a small, Midwestern church … even though we were located in California.

I was trying to take the church forward, while he insisted we go backward.

Don had not been called by God to pastor a church … but he was called by friends to lead a rebellion.

Don had not been formally trained in biblical interpretation or pastoral ministry … but he knew something about politics and power.

Don had not been given the spiritual gifts of leadership or teaching … but he didn’t need those gifts to subvert his pastor.

Don had not been ordained to gospel ministry … but that didn’t matter to him.

Don held secret meetings … listed all my faults, including those of my wife and children … and then demanded that I resign.

The elders of Israel supported Moses and stood by him … and the elders in our church did the same.

Don’s group quickly left the church … started their own church a mile away … and used our church as their mission field.

But a year later, their church folded.

God had called Don to be a dock worker, not a pastor.

And He had called me to be a pastor, not a dock worker.

God had called Moses to lead Israel, not Korah.

And He had called Korah to be a Levite, not the leader of a nation.

Many church conflicts could be resolved if God’s people would take some time to read Scripture … do some reflection … and ask this question:

Who did God call to lead this congregation?

If the answer is Moses … follow him.

If the answer is your pastor … follow him.

But if you follow Korah … or Don … things aren’t going to work out for you … guaranteed.

All you’re going to do is hurt a lot of people … including you and your family.

If your pastor isn’t leading or preaching or pastoring like he could be … then pray for him … and love him … and listen to him … and support him … as long as he follows the Lord.

That’s far better than watching the ground open up and swallow you and your family whole.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Several weeks ago, I heard a well-known pastor make this statement: “Christians should never defend themselves.”

The pastor said that when Jesus was arrested, He refused to defend Himself.

As 1 Peter 2:23 puts it: “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.  Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”

Yes, Jesus suffered unjustly.  He did not engage in self-defense when He was charged with blasphemy against Jewish law and sedition against Roman law.

But suppose that after that well-known pastor finished preaching that day, when he went back to his office, he was met by two church leaders, along with two detectives.

And then one of the detectives told that pastor, “I am arresting you on suspicion of child abuse.”

Would that pastor hire an attorney to defend him against the charges?

Would that pastor protest his innocence to church leaders and to his congregation?

Would that pastor assure his family and friends that he wasn’t guilty of the charges made against him?

The answer in each case is a resounding, “Yes!” … but didn’t he just preach that Christians … including pastors … should never defend themselves?

I’ve never been a fan of such blanket statements, and believe that they defy both Scripture and common sense.

Let me try and offer some clarity on this issue:

First, pastors need to ignore most criticisms and slanders.

Why?  Because it’s easy to become so obsessed with your critics that you can’t get anything done.

In his classic book Lectures to My Students, Charles Spurgeon provided wise counsel to young pastoral students in his matchless chapter “The Blind Eye and the Deaf Ear”:

“We would say of the general gossip of the village, and of the unadvised words of angry friends – do not hear them, or if you must hear them, do not lay them to heart, for you also have talked idly and angrily in your day, and would even now be in an awkward position if you were called to account for every word that you have spoken, even about your dearest friend.”

In Richard Foster’s book Celebration of Discipline, he writes:

“The tongue is our most powerful weapon of manipulation.  A frantic stream of words flows from us because we are in a constant process of adjusting our public image.  We fear so deeply what we think other people see in us that we talk in order to straighten out their understanding.  If I have done some wrong thing (or even some right thing that I think you may misunderstand), and discover that you know about it, I will be very tempted to help you understand my action!  Silence is one of the deepest Disciplines of the Spirit simply because it puts the stopper on all self-justification.”

When I was a young pastor, every criticism wounded me, regardless of the source.  But as I grew older … and hopefully, more mature … I learned to shrug off many comments.  I couldn’t let them divert me from what God wanted me … and our church … to be and to do.

And sometimes I would engage in self-talk and say, “Who are you to think that you can please everybody?”

Second, pastors do need to address major charges … sometimes publicly.

A megachurch pastor once told me that four of his staff members were making false accusations about him.  The four had joined forces and were hoping to push out the pastor so they could lead the church instead.

The pastor instantly called a meeting of the congregation, and when he did, three of those staff members instantly resigned … which should tell you something.

One Sunday afternoon, the pastor sat on the stage and answered question after question related to the charges and resignations of those staff members.  As I recall, the meeting lasted many hours.

The pastor was able to convince the congregation that the charges made against him were untrue, and he stayed as pastor of the church, which has since become one of America’s largest and most impactful.

If those four staff members had successfully driven their pastor from his position, where would that church be today?

And if the pastor had taken the advice, “Christians should never defend themselves,” where would he be today?

Spurgeon put it this way:

“Standing as we do in a position which makes us choice targets for the devil and his allies, our best course is to defend our innocence by our silence and leave our reputation with God.  Yet there are exceptions to this general rule.  When distinct, definite, public charges are made against a man he is bound to answer them, and answer them in the clearest and most open manner.  To decline all investigation is in such a case practically to plead guilty, and whatever may be the mode of putting it, the general public ordinarily regard a refusal to reply as a proof of guilt…. when the matter assumes more serious proportions, and our accuser defies us to a defense, we are bound to meet his charges with honest statements of fact.  In every instance counsel should be sought of the Lord as to how to deal with slanderous tongues, and in the issue innocence will be vindicated and falsehood convicted.”

In Matthew 19:17-20, Jesus told His twelve disciples that they would be brought before governors and kings and the Gentiles because of their allegiance to Jesus.  The Master said: “But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it.  At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”

Notice Jesus doesn’t tell His followers, “Don’t defend yourself and say nothing.”  Rather, He says, “The Spirit will tell you what to say when you need to say it.”  In fact, isn’t the last quarter of the Book of Acts a recounting of Paul’s attempts to defend himself against false charges?

In addition, how many times did Jesus defend Himself against charges made by the Jewish leaders of His day?  Just read John chapters 5-9 and you’ll be amazed how adamantly Jesus defends Himself and His ministry against His critics.

But when it was time for Jesus to die, He refused to defend Himself, and even though He was abused, He left His reputation in the hands of His Heavenly Father.

Whenever you hear a statement like, “Christians should never defend themselves,” stop and ask yourself, “Is that what the whole Bible teaches on the subject?”

And then imagine yourself asking the speaker: “If you were falsely accused of a major offense, would you really refuse to defend yourself at all?”

What do you think?  When should a pastor ignore any charges made against him … and when should he defend himself?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Even though the event happened thirty years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.

I was in my second pastorate.

As a young pastor, I was trying to put a new twist on some old practices … so one Sunday morning, I did communion differently.

I substituted pita bread for those small wafers, and used Styrofoam cups instead of the tiny plastic ones.

In my mind, it was just an experiment.

After the service, many people told me how much they enjoyed communion … especially the young couples.

As I recall, nobody voiced any objections … until the following Sunday.

At 10:55 that morning … five minutes before the service began … I stepped into the men’s room.  The church’s 77-year-old songleader joined me.

While standing where men momentarily stand, the songleader told me:

“I didn’t like the way communion was done last Sunday.”

I replied, “Well, many people told me how much they enjoyed doing communion differently.”

When I asked him why some didn’t like it, he responded, “Too unsanitary.”

And then he added, “And many people agree with me.”

I asked him, “How many?”  He replied, “Five.”

I then asked, “What are their names?”

He replied, “I’m not telling you that.”

My well-meaning friend … who has long since gone to be with Jesus … could have handled the situation much better.

In fact, let me share with you three tips for disagreeing with a pastor:

First, never confront a pastor right before or right after a worship service.

My friend had one full week to discuss his feelings with me.

He could have called me on the phone or set up an appointment.

Had he shared his concerns during the week, we could have had a relaxed discussion.

But right before a service, pastors are intensely focused on their message.  Their entire week culminates with their sermon.

Because pastors are usually sensitive individuals, one stray comment can negatively impact their feelings and thus their sermon, impacting an entire congregation.

After a pastor preaches, he’s drained … especially if he has to speak more than once.

Although pastors work hard to be gracious after they preach, they’ve emptied themselves spiritually and emotionally … and if people criticize him, his reactions can be unpredictable.

It’s far better to write the pastor an email on Monday or give him a call during the week … but let him go before and after he speaks.

Second, choose an optimal setting for dialogue.

I can’t speak for women, but men don’t have substantive conversations in a restroom.

The pastor’s study might be a good place for a discussion … or a restaurant … but not a place where men tend to get in and then get out.

I realize that some people see their pastor on a Sunday and think, “Oh, I meant to call him this past week, but he’s right there, so I’ll talk to him now.”

But the heavier the issue, the more time it requires … and the church patio is not the optimal place for discussion.

It’s better to say to the pastor, “There’s something I’d like to discuss with you this next week.  When would be the best time to talk?”

Then let the pastor tell you how to approach him … and I guarantee he’ll listen better.

Third, always speak for yourself when you have a disagreement.

My friend thought that if he told me that others agreed with him, it would add weight to his argument, but it had the opposite effect.

Because if you don’t tell me who you represent, I can’t verify the truthfulness of your claim.

All he needed to say was, “I didn’t like the way you did communion last week.”  Now the two of us can dialogue one-on-one.

But when you bring phantom individuals into the room … and you won’t tell me their names … what am I supposed to say?

“You’re right … I’ll never do that again?”

After that encounter, I learned to make an additional statement to anyone who called upon phantom witnesses:

“Please tell anyone who is upset to speak with me personally.  If they do, I promise to listen.  If they don’t, then I will assume the issue isn’t that important.”

Over the years, know how many phantom witnesses later came to me?

That’s right … not one.

That should tell you something.

Pastors are not popes or angels.  They make mistakes … and it’s all right to discuss their mistakes with them.

Just avoid sermon time, bathrooms, and phantom witnesses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Imagine that you own a business.  You have ten employees.

Because business hasn’t been going well recently, you have to lay off two workers.

Eight employees are loyal and work hard.  Two have conspired to attack you behind your back and don’t do much of anything.

Your decision is a no-brainer, right?

Now imagine that you’re a board member in a congregation of 200 adults

Ten individuals … meaning five percent of your congregation … have abused, slandered, and attacked your pastor to the point that he has resigned.

As a church leader, what are you going to do about it?

If you follow the New Testament, the decision is simple for you and your fellow board members:

Confront the troublemakers and give them a choice: either repent of your sin or leave the church.

Those who are truly spiritually-oriented will repent.  Those who aren’t will leave the church kicking and screaming … but if you mean business, they will leave.

But how often do board members confront those who pushed out their pastor?

Hardly ever.

Why not?

It could be because board members:

*don’t think the troublemakers did anything wrong.

*are afraid of the troublemakers.

*are friends with the troublemakers.

*are ignorant of the New Testament’s directives on divisive individuals.

*know the New Testament’s directives but choose to ignore them.

*leave the thankless task to an interim pastor.

*reason, “We need all the attendees, donors, and volunteers we can get … even if they are troublemakers.”

*are so exhausted after the pastor’s departure that they don’t even consider confronting anybody.

However … there is a price to be paid for failing to confront the troublemakers, and it’s a high price indeed:

Many of your church’s spiritual, healthy, and valuable people will leave.

Imagine these two scenarios:

Lisa had been away from church for years, but she came back to the Lord because of Pastor Bill.

She rarely missed his sermons … joined a small group … discovered her spiritual gifts and began serving in a ministry … and became a generous giver.

But every Sunday when she comes to church now, she sees five troublemakers sitting together, and she says to herself, “Those are the people who pushed out my pastor.”

If she confronts them, she’s liable to blow her top.  So she stays silent … and simmers … and assumes that nobody ever addressed the troublemakers.

Going to church eventually becomes such an unpleasant experience that she leaves the church for good.

Paul received emails from the troublemakers denouncing Pastor Bill on a regular basis.

At first, the notes made him feel important, but after a few weeks, they upset him and made him feel like a traitor, so he began deleting them without reading them.

But Paul knows the troublemakers were telling twisted lies about Pastor Bill, and he wonders why they seem to be immune from correction.

When it’s time for the church to vote on new board members, two troublemakers are nominated, and Paul feels sick inside.

How can he attend and support a church where the people who attacked and slandered his pastor have been placed into leadership?

So Paul slips out the back door … and never attends that church again.

Dr. Leith Anderson is one of America’s foremost pastors and thinkers.  I had the privilege of taking my last Doctor of Ministry course with him at Fuller Seminary.  In his book Leadership That Works, Anderson writes about the failure of church leaders to discipline church troublemakers:

“The result is that the church keeps the dissenters and loses the happy, healthy people to other churches.  Most healthy Christians have a time limit and a tolerance level for unchristian and unhealthy attitudes and behaviors.”

Do church leaders know that when they ignore divisive behavior they are alienating the very people they need to make their church productive?

If leaders don’t confront the troublemakers, the following things will happen:

*Church morale will plunge.

*Many of the pastor’s supporters will leave.

*Giving will take a dive.

*The church’s heart will be cut out.

*The troublemakers will stay around to cause trouble again.

*The church may never recover.

*God will withhold His blessing until the leaders do what is right.

It’s happening all over America:

When a group attacks their pastor, the troublemakers stay, and many solid Christian people leave.

Doesn’t sound like a good deal, does it?

Then why does it happen so often?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Pastor Rick couldn’t believe what he’d just heard.

Steve, the board chairman at Third Church, had called to tell Rick that a group had formed inside the congregation and were making accusations against him.

Pastor Rick was stunned by the news … so stunned that he felt dazed and sick inside.

Who was in this group?  What were they saying about him?

His hand trembling as he called Steve back, Rick asked Steve those same two questions.

Steve assured his pastor, “Don’t worry.  I’ll take care of it.”

But one week later, the group had grown, and there were even more accusations.

What had Steve done to stop the carnage?

Absolutely nothing.

Pastor Rick didn’t eat.  He couldn’t sleep.  In fact, he was barely functioning.

As he answered phone calls and emails … and prepared his message for Sunday … and tried to pray … he wondered, “Who is standing against me?  And what are they saying to others?”

Rick didn’t know … and nobody was telling him anything.

When he stood up to preach the following Sunday, he momentarily surveyed the 300-strong congregation that he’d led for 12 years.

He silently asked, “Lord, which of those people is building a case against me?”

When the service was over, Rick stayed at the front to pray with people, but nobody came.

He looked around to see if he could speak with members of the board, but when he went outside, they were all gone.

What were they doing to help their pastor?

Absolutely nothing.

The church had three staff members – a full-time associate and two part-timers – and Rick decided to risk discussing matters at their regular Tuesday meeting.

He asked them if they knew anything about a group in the church that had organized to oppose him.

The associate claimed that he hadn’t heard anything.

The part-timers said that they weren’t close enough to the inner circle.

The pastor told his staff that he hoped he could count on their loyalty in case a conflict broke out.

He reminded them that his future and their futures were intertwined.

Know what the staff that Rick handpicked and championed did to support him?

Absolutely nothing.

Two nights later, the board held their regular monthly meeting.  Chairman Steve began the meeting by reading a letter from the group that opposed the pastor.

They made the following claims about Pastor Rick:

*His messages were too long, sometimes exceeding half an hour.

*He wasn’t approachable on Sundays, an indication he didn’t care about people.

*He seemed to favor the men’s ministry but neglected ministries to women and children.

*He was non-supportive of the local denominational district.

*He failed to give the associate pastor more preaching opportunities.

*He didn’t emphasize church membership enough.

When Steve was done reading the letter, he asked the pastor, “What are you going to do about these accusations?”

Rick felt blindsided … betrayed … and deeply hurt.  Was Steve agreeing with the accusations?

Rick asked, “Who signed the letter?”

It was signed by “The Group.”

In effect, this was an anonymous letter … and pastors are taught to ignore letters that aren’t signed.  (How can they respond to any allegations if they don’t know who made them?)

Rick received a sudden inspiration and asked the board, “What are you going to do about these accusations?”

Thirty seconds into Steve’s four-minute response, Rick knew the answer.

Absolutely nothing.

Two weeks after the board meeting, The Group demanded that the board call a business meeting so they could air their grievances against the pastor.

Steve consulted with the rest of the board, and they scheduled a meeting for the Sunday after Father’s Day.

The Group assigned three people to make public charges against the pastor.

But they didn’t stop with the charges in their letter.  They added many others, including personal attacks upon the pastor’s wife and two teenage children, who were present.

At his breaking point, the pastor stood up to answer the charges, but within thirty seconds, he was shouted down by members of The Group, so he and his family walked out.

Although the pastor assumed he had many friends in the congregation, what did they do to support him that Sunday afternoon?

Absolutely nothing.

The kangaroo court accomplished its purpose.  The pastor knew he couldn’t stay and subject himself and his family to any more abuse.

So he told Chairman Steve that he planned on resigning, but he wanted to know if the board would grant him a severance package.

Steve consulted with the other board members.  Even though the church had more than six figures in a reserve fund, several board members refused to use it to help their pastor support his family.

So when Rick finally resigned, what kind of monetary outlay did he receive for his dozen years of faithful service to Christ?

Absolutely nothing.

Pastor Rick resigned, his heart broken.

His wife had an emotional breakdown.

His children refused to have anything to do with church ever again.

Rick had no job prospects and no hope for the future.

This man who had been called by God to ministry … who had graduated from seminary … and who was ordained to preach the gospel … found his career obliterated.

How much had he tucked away into savings?

Absolutely nothing.

The board at Third Church met to form a search team for a new pastor.

They put together a seven-member team … including three vocal members from The Group.

Two other members from The Group became board members the following year.

And what did the board or staff or congregation do to confront or correct those unruly members?

Absolutely nothing.

The New Testament has much to say about addressing conflict from antagonistic individuals.

Paul named names (like Hymenaeus and Alexander in 1 Timothy 1:19-20).  John fingered Diotrephes (3 John 9-10).

Paul warned the church in Rome (Romans 16:17) to “watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way …”

He warned the church in Corinth in 1 Corinthians 3:16-17: “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?  If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.”

He warned Titus, “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time.  After that, have nothing to do with him.  You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned” (Titus 3:10-11).

There are many other New Testament directives … addressed to church leaders and congregations alike … commanding them to confront and warn divisive individuals and groups.

What did the board do to obey these Scriptures and to protect their pastor’s reputation?

Absolutely nothing.

This church … and thousands like it … forcefully claim they believe in truth and righteousness.

They rail against lies coming from the federal government … but permit lying inside their own church.

They condemn the moral relativism of popular culture … but practice that same relativism inside their own congregation.

They preach reconciliation between God and sinners … but refuse to do anything to bring about reconciliation toward pastors they have abused and slandered.

How much blessing from God can they expect in the future?

Absolutely nothing. 

If church leaders fail to take Scripture seriously … permit malcontents to spread rumors unabated … allow their pastor to be publicly abused … refuse to give him a severance package when he’s forced to resign … and put contentious people into leadership positions … then that church is going in only one direction:

Absolutely nowhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Someone is out to get your pastor.

It’s not the FBI … nor the CIA … nor the NSA … nor the IRS.

Well, maybe the IRS.

But who among all beings would like to see your pastor discouraged … depressed … and ultimately destroyed?

Answer: The devil.

Dr. Ed Murphy – and I don’t know if he’s still alive – has been one of the world’s foremost authorities on spiritual warfare for decades.

I took two classes from Dr. Murphy – one in college, another in seminary – and have had the privilege of lunching with him and consulting with him.

In 1992, Dr. Murphy published his magnum opus titled The Handbook of Spiritual Warfare.  On pages 444-445 of the book, Dr. Murphy writes about a story whose accuracy he has personally verified.  He writes:

“One of my prayer partners in the San Jose area … was flying out of San Jose.  She sat in an aisle seat.  The seat next to her was empty but the window seat was occupied by a young man.  When it was time for the stewardess to serve the meal my prayer partner accepted hers.  The young man refused, saying he was fasting.

‘I overheard you tell the stewardess you are fasting,’ my friend said.  ‘Then you must be a Christian.’

‘No, I am a Satanist,’ was the reply.

Pat was taken back by his remark.  She did not know if she should look for another seat on the plane or what!  She decided to stay where she was and engage the young man in conversation if he would.  In fact, he was quite willing to talk of his faith and witness to the power of Satan.

In the course of the conversation, Pat asked him about the specific targets of his fasting and praying.  (Such fasting and praying is a curse attempt, not humble supplication.)  He said the targets were the leading churches and pastors in the San Jose area and two leading Christian missions.  When Pat asked which missions were the targets, without hesitation he said they were Partners International and OC International [Overseas Crusades, Dr. Murphy’s organization].”

Dr. Murphy continues:

“Within the next few years a half dozen key pastors in the San Jose area fell into immorality and were removed from their churches.  Coincidence?  This had never happened before.”

I know about these situations because I lived in the San Jose area during that time.

When I began an outreach-oriented church in that area in the early 1990s, the spiritual attacks upon our church were relentless.  Without knowing it, we had moved into Satan’s territory.

The intersection where our church was located was a place where drugs were dealt and money was exchanged for sex.

In addition, during our new church’s startup phase, my family was assaulted with harassing phone calls and threats.

I consulted with Dr. Murphy about these issues, and he told me, “It sounds like someone has put a curse on you and your church.”

We persevered, and had a great ministry for years … but the spiritual attacks – mostly from outside the church – never stopped.

Based upon my nearly four decades in church ministry, let me suggest three things you can do personally to counteract Satan’s assaults on your pastor:

First, pray for your pastor … by yourself … with your family … and with other believers.

Pray for his walk with God … his family members … his leadership and teaching ministries … and his shepherding.

And when you pray for your pastor, let him know that’s what you’re doing.  I was always encouraged when someone said to me, “I’m praying for you, pastor.”

In fact, I’m still encouraged whenever that happens.

In addition, pray with your pastor spontaneously.

Pastors are constantly listening to people’s problems and asking, “Can I pray for you?”

But who ever asks their pastor, “Would it be all right if I prayed for you right now?”

You don’t have to be ordained … or know Greek … or be a spiritual giant … just obey the Spirit’s promptings.

What a blessing it is for a pastor to be the recipient of prayer!

Second, encourage your pastor verbally … especially after a message.

You might think that people are constantly telling pastors, “Wow, that was really a great message today!”

Not necessarily.

When I was a pastor, there were Sundays … sometimes a few in a row … when I didn’t hear any positive comments about a message.

It’s not that I wanted to be praised … I just wanted to know that I was effective.

If I heard from just two people that they benefited from the message, I was content … and was motivated to study hard for the next week’s sermon.

But if I didn’t hear from anybody, I’d wonder, “Is there something wrong with me that I don’t know about?”  And study would come hard that week.

Because spiritual work is usually invisible and slow, pastors can easily become discouraged when they don’t see results.

But when the people they serve say, “We’re glad you’re our pastor … we appreciate your ministry … and you’re really helping us grow” … those comments will infuse courage into a pastor … and keep the devil away.

Finally, defend your pastor when he’s absent.

If you’re with a group of people, and someone starts criticizing your pastor, suggest that the critic speak with the pastor personally … or remain silent.

Re-read that last line again.  It can be the difference between a church that splits and a church that’s healthy.

When churches split, it’s usually because churchgoers consistently talk about their pastor with others until a faction/mob forms and assaults the pastor in some fashion.

When churches are healthy, churchgoers insist that those who are upset with their pastor personally speak with him directly.

Whose job is it to keep a church healthy?

It’s the job of every person who calls that church home.

And what’s the primary way to turn a healthy church into a dysfunctional mess?

Attack the pastor … or stand idly by while others attack him.

As your pastor goes, so goes your church.

And if your pastor leaves, others will leave with him.

That’s what Satan wants.

What do you want?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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