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The Pastor as Ecclesiastical Enforcer

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , on February 25, 2016| Leave a Comment »

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority.  They keep watch over you as men who must give an account.  Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.  Hebrews 13:17

I don’t remember anyone in seminary saying anything about this.

And I don’t recall reading about this issue in any ministry books I read before I became a pastor.

And I don’t have a memory of any of the pastors I served under bringing this problem to my attention.

What am I talking about?

Just this: when you become a pastor … whether you’re a solo pastor of a smaller church or the senior/lead pastor of a larger church … you must create and enforce certain rules … both to obey Scripture and to protect your church as an institution.

I’ll never forget the first time I had to do this as a young pastor.

I was called to become the pastor of a church in Silicon Valley at age 27.  The deacons were the governing board, and all four were at least 60 years of age.  (Doesn’t seem all that old anymore!)

One Sunday several months after I was called as pastor, a deacon (I’ll call him Jay) came to church one morning without his wife.  It was obvious by the way Jay spoke that something was seriously wrong with his family.

When I got home, I called Jay’s wife, who told me that she was going to divorce her husband.

Ours was a small congregation, and the news that a prominent couple were splitting up traveled fast.

But more than that: the woman’s decision meant that I had to speak with Jay and ask him to step down from the deacons.

I didn’t want to meet with Jay alone.  He was gruff and possessed a volatile temper, but how could I let him stay on the board?  He was about to become biblically unqualified for his role.

I somehow convinced the other deacons that Jay needed to step down … and thought I had convinced Jay as well.

But my decision had consequences.

Three months later, the deacons told me, “Jay is our friend.  He’s suffered enough.  We want him back on the board.”  Even though I protested, Jay returned.

Over the ensuing years, Jay exploded with anger at me once or twice a year … and I was never sure why.

Several years later, Jay was involved in leading a group of people out of our church.  Was it payback for my decision from years before?

Here are seven things I’ve learned the hard way about the pastor’s role as ecclesiastical enforcer:

First, the role of enforcer is not in the pastor’s job description.

Written job descriptions will say that the pastor “is the leader of the church in all its activities” or that he is responsible for “managing the staff.”

Few job descriptions … if any … ever say, “The pastor is expected to enforce biblical standards and protect the church legally.”

But if the pastor fails at enforcement, he can jeopardize his congregation … or even lose his position … so he has to be an enforcer, even if it makes him cringe.

I never liked being an enforcer, but soon discovered that certain people … especially the governing board … expected it … because they were at work during the week, while I was on the church campus continually.

Second, sometimes enforcing rules falls to the pastor by default.

I once pastored a church where the campus was frequented by skateboarders.

They loved to go up and down a small flight of stairs on the edge of the property with their skateboards.

If I was the only person around, I’d go over and gently ask the guys to find another place to do their skateboarding.

The skateboarders became a chronic problem, never going away for long.  I finally had to bring the issue up to the staff … the only ones on campus in the afternoons … because I needed broader help with enforcement … but I received pushback from the youth staff, who didn’t want to offend the skateboarders.

I didn’t want to offend anybody, either.  I just didn’t want the church to get sued because we didn’t warn the skateboarders to leave.

Why did the others leave enforcement to me?

I will never know.

Third, sometimes the pastor has to enforce rules because certain people will only listen to him.

I once had a youth director who held regular youth meetings in the multipurpose room … but he always left the room a mess.

The following morning, when the next group came to use the room, it was trashed.

The office manager would tell me, “The multipurpose room was once again a disaster after last night.”

She tried talking to the youth guy, but he didn’t listen … and he wouldn’t change.

I finally had to get involved, but I didn’t want to, because it was just one more distraction from the ministry the church called me to do.

But sadly, certain people won’t listen to anybody but the pastor … and if he doesn’t get involved, nothing changes.

Fourth, sometimes the pastor is the only person who is willing to confront someone on a destructive pathway.

I once worked with a married staff member who was spending too much time with a single man.

Her “innocent” encounters with him were becoming more frequent and less indiscreet … negatively impacting both her job and her marriage.

Even though she had many friends … and they knew what she was doing … nobody had the courage to say anything to her.

Things were getting worse, so I lovingly spoke with her about the matter … and she became very upset … assuring me she wasn’t doing anything wrong.

A short while later, with another couple present, I spoke with her again.

Her friends didn’t say a word, while I spoke with her twice.

She quit her position and watched her marriage crumble.  It was painful to watch.

But I had to do it, even though she never spoke to me again after our second meeting.

The pastor can’t be the only sheriff in a church.  He needs some deputies.

Fifth, sometimes the pastor needs to share enforcement duties with other leaders.

One of my mentors used to tell me that whenever I had a difficult decision to make, I should take it to the governing leaders and “hide behind the board.”

Sometimes I would do just that, especially if I was uncertain how much authority I had to address a certain issue.

But if I already had the authority … like with church staff … I usually didn’t tell the board anything.

Maybe this is just my experience, but over 36 years in church ministry, I discovered that most church leaders cannot be counted on to enforce rules and policies, either because they are afraid of losing friends, or because they don’t know how to use their authority.

One time, my wife and I went to a restaurant after church one Sunday, and the youth directors were having a planning meeting there with their adult volunteers.

While that was commendable, I had made it clear to the youth leaders that all adult volunteers were expected to attend the first service, and engage in youth ministry during the second service.  (You can’t have your adult volunteers … who are to be examples to the youth … not attending services.)

Well, the volunteers were skipping the first service and coming just for youth ministry … a definite no-no.

By this time, the youth directors were reporting to a different staff member, but he refused to enforce our policy.

So I had to speak with the staff member, as well as the youth directors … but as I learned later, nothing changed … and then matters became even worse.

This is the kind of stuff in a church that wears a pastor down.  I don’t know how many times I tried to get someone … a board member, a staff member, a lay leader … to help me enforce certain guidelines, only to watch them wilt in the end.

That’s why many pastors stop asking other leaders for help and just enforce matters on their own.

Sixth, the pastor needs to address issues that concern him sooner rather than later.

I once heard Pastor Bill Hybels say that it’s the job of a leader to “intercept entropy.”  That is, when a leader notices that things are going south, he has to go to the right person, describe what he’s seeing, and ask that changes be made.

When I was a young pastor, I would notice that certain things were wrong, but I’d sometimes let things slide.

But the older I got, the more quickly I addressed concerns, because things don’t get better when you fail to address them … they only get worse.

I tried to be gentle yet firm … but it wasn’t always easy for me to do.

Many years ago, I had a three-hour dinner with a nationally-known Christian leader.  He was asking me questions about how I managed the church staff.

He said to me, “Jim, are you a responsible person?”

I said, “Yes, I’m very responsible.”

He replied, “Do you only have to be told to do something once?”

I said, “Yes, if you tell me to do something once, I do it right away.”

He responded, “Well, everyone is not like you.”

That exchange might not seem all that profound, but it opened up my eyes to the fact that some of my attempts at staff enforcement simply weren’t working because I naively assumed that everyone was like me … but they weren’t.

So the one thing I could control was to address issues quickly … as they arose … rather than wait for a “perfect time” that never came.

Finally, every church needs an enforcer other than the pastor.

I have a friend who served many years on the staff of one of America’s largest and most impactful churches.

He told me that the senior pastor … a name people know worldwide … always wore the white hat around the church campus.

People came to view him as their father … their uncle … and their friend.  He was greatly beloved.

But the executive pastor was the one who wore the black hat.  My friend would tell me stories where the executive would tell people to leave the campus and never come back.

If the senior pastor had become involved in enforcement issues, it would have resulted in a lot of bad blood between him and others … so he had somebody else do it instead.

This arrangement works well in a megachurch, and maybe even in a large church … but the smaller the church, the more enforcement duties fall directly on the pastor.

And the more times the pastor engages in enforcement, the more certain people resent him … and want to pay him back for taking them on.

I don’t know what percentage of conflict in a church occurs because a pastor tries to enforce rules/policies, or what percentage occurs because some people resent his interference.

But I do know this: enforcement issues sometimes kept me up all night.

When you pray for your pastor, toss in a prayer every now and then that God will give Him the wisdom to know when to enforce the rules … and when to let somebody else do it.

And if your pastor ever needs to speak with you, please … listen to him and cooperate.

Because, as Hebrews 13:17 tells us, someday he will have to give an account to the Ultimate Enforcer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Four Times that Conflict is Likely in a Church

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on December 10, 2015| Leave a Comment »

I live about thirty miles from San Bernardino, California – the city where a husband and wife team committed horrendous atrocities last week.

Because our entire country is understandably anxious right now, the amount of conflict – reflected in public rhetoric – has also risen among us.

Whenever anxiety rises – whether it’s in a country, a workplace, a family, or a church – conflict inevitably escalates as a result.

There are times in every group when anxiety – and thus conflict – are predictable.

And when we know that anxiety is likely, we can create strategies to lessen the anxiety level – which will lessen any possible conflict as well.

Let me share with you four times that conflict is likely in a church – and I could have included many additional examples:

First, conflict is likely whenever guests are coming over.

My wife and I hosted a Thanksgiving meal at our house two weeks ago.  We had fifteen people show up, including our son and his family, our daughter, and my wife’s twin brother and his family.

Because my wife and I wanted everything to go perfectly, we engaged in meticulous preparation.  We created a menu, bought the food, determined seating, cleaned the house thoroughly, and let everyone know that we were having brunch (without turkey) at 10:30 that morning.

Not everything went optimally, though.  Because we have a preschool in our house – and because we don’t own a dining room table – our guests had to sit in small chairs at low tables.  And because many family members wanted to help cook the food, it was hard at times to move around the kitchen.

But everyone was in such a good mood that we easily overcame those temporary obstacles.

Churches have times during the year when they anticipate company as well, such as Easter Sunday, Mother’s Day, and Christmas Eve.

And because pastors and church leaders are aware that guests will be visiting on those days, they want to create the finest possible impression … but sometimes, people differ on what that looks like.

Many years ago, I pastored a church that was having a Christmas Eve service that started early in the evening.

Some key participants in that service weren’t able to leave work on time, so when they arrived for rehearsal, they were late … but they still wanted to go over their parts until they were satisfied.

When it was time to start the service, our guests were gathered outside the double doors to the auditorium because those involved in the service were still practicing inside.

Watching those guests fidget, I went to our programming director and said, “I don’t care if you’re ready or not, we’re opening these doors right now.”  Although he pushed back, I felt it was important to start at the time we had advertised.

Thank God, we worked things out later on, but I’ve learned that whenever a church is having a big service … or a large event … designed to make a positive impression on newcomers … conflict inevitably results.

Second, conflict is likely when there are changes in a pastor’s family.

I attended some seminars many years ago where the presenters made the following statement:

“For many people in a church, the pastor assumes the role of a father, and his wife assumes the role of a mother.”

And, we might add, some in the congregation see themselves as their children.

As long as the pastor and his wife seem healthy and happy, the congregation feels secure.

But if the pastor and his wife experience disconcerting change, it can affect the entire church family.

Many years ago, I had a friend who was the associate pastor at his church.  While he was there, the senior pastor had a heart attack and was hospitalized.

The church didn’t want to terminate their pastor in his hour of need, but the longer he was out of commission, the more anxious the congregation became.  As I recall, it was his third heart attack, and his recovery period stretched for months.

The church board wanted the associate pastor to provide leadership for the congregation, but he felt that if he did, he would be betraying his supervisor.

Over time, the congregation shrank to such an extent that they had to borrow money from the denomination just to pay their bills … and the entire incident created great anxiety and conflict.

A pastor is a part of three families: his family of origin … his current family … and his church family.

And any change in one family will provoke change in the other families.

So if the pastor gets sick … or his sister dies … or his son gets in trouble at school … or his wife has an operation … the changes in the pastor’s family will cause him weakness, or sorrow, or disappointment, or fear … and those changes in his life are bound to spill over into the congregation.

And when the pastor isn’t acting “normally,” that anxiety inevitably leads to conflict.

In fact, when changes hit the pastor and his family, it’s common for a staff member or a board member to sense that the pastor is now in a weakened position, and to save the church, they assign themselves the role of LEADER and start making decisions that the pastor would usually make … leading to even more conflict.

Third, conflict is likely when the pastor is away.

Whether the pastor goes on vacation … or takes a sabbatical … or is hospitalized … or engages in continuing education … when he’s not around for several weeks, it creates anxiety around the church, and conflict is usually the result.

I once worked for a pastor who took a trip around the world.  His trip took an entire month.  Less than a year later, he was unemployed.

While he was gone, the people who didn’t like him had the opportunity to meet, gripe, and organize without his knowledge.

Nine years ago, I took a much-needed sabbatical.  I was entitled to at least three months off, but because the church had never had a pastor take a sabbatical before, I limited my time away to six weeks.

I went to Europe with my daughter … my wife flew out and joined us … my daughter flew home … and my wife and I went to Moldova for a week of ministry there.

I remember going out to breakfast with the board chairman and another member, reviewing every single issue in writing that I could anticipate … but I couldn’t anticipate everything.

I had lined up all the speakers before I left, including an author and an expert on Islam, but he cancelled his talk while I was away, and church leaders had to create a Plan B.

Unfortunately, Plan B created conflict that ended up lasting for many months.

I didn’t have a cell phone that worked in Europe back then, and if I had one, church leaders could have contacted me and the whole conflict could have been averted.

But the longer a pastor is away, the greater the chance that disgruntled people will start opposing him behind his back.

My wife and I twice visited a church recently where the pastor was teaching Christian leaders in Europe.  At each service, a video clip was played of the pastor greeting the congregation and briefly describing his ministry overseas.

I thought to myself, “That’s really smart.  It seems like the pastor is looking at us … even though he can’t see us … and we can see him as well.  It’s a reminder that he’s the pastor and that he’ll soon return.”

If a pastor knows he can trust the church staff and church board, then he can go away for a few weeks without fear.  But if has any doubts at all … it’s better to take shorter trips.

Finally, conflict is likely when just one staff member rebels.

It’s my belief that when a pastor hires a staff member, that person needs to be 100% loyal to him, both in public and in private.

And if that staff member can no longer demonstrate loyalty, he or she should resign and leave the church.

A disgruntled staff member should not stay at the church … should not spread their discontent to other staff … should not meet with a board member and trash the pastor … and above all, should not lead a rebellion against the pastor.

But I’ve been hearing more and more stories of staff rebellion, and it troubles me greatly.

In some cases, a staff member will claim that the pastor hurt his/her feelings, so they are justified in resisting the pastor’s leadership.

In other cases, a staff member starts to believe that he/she is more competent than the pastor … a sure sign that staff member should find another position somewhere else.

But in still more cases, a staff member believes that he or she should become the pastor, so they use any and every means necessary to push out the pastor.

For the life of me, I can’t understand this thinking.

In such cases, I always go back to the story of Moses and Korah in Numbers 16.

Moses was a deeply flawed leader.  He was reluctant to serve … very old … prone to frustration … and wasn’t leading Israel anywhere productive.

Korah, Dathan, and Abiram – members of Moses’ staff – led a rebellion against him … and felt they had every right to do so.

But when the ground later opened up, Moses was the only leader still standing on solid ground.

Why?  BECAUSE GOD HAD CALLED MOSES TO LEAD ISRAEL, NOT ANY OF THE OTHERS.

And the same thing is true today.  Regardless of a pastor’s personality flaws or creeping age, if God has called that person to be the pastor, then staff members either need to follow him or resign.

But if a staff member resists the pastor’s leadership … or openly rebels against him … his/her actions will become known, and send the signal to others, “We don’t have to follow the pastor’s leadership anymore.  We can all rebel.”

And World War 3 will break out in that church.

Church leaders can write policy manuals that hope to cover every possible situation, but regardless of their detailed planning, some anxiety-provoking event will always surface in a congregation.

Long beforehand, the wise pastor will tell his people:

“Not everything will go perfectly in this church.  No matter how well we plan, we will occasionally experience bumps and glitches along the road.  But when those situations occur, let’s resolve together to stay calm, to talk things out, to confess our shortcomings, and to forgive each other.  If we do that, we’ll triumph regardless of the issue.”

While we can’t stop anxiety from invading a congregation, wise leaders acknowledge that anxiety … bringing the level of conflict down … which enables God’s people to create spiritual and rational decisions rather than emotional and drastic ones.

What is the anxiety level of your congregation these days?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“I Destroyed My Pastor”

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on December 4, 2015| Leave a Comment »

I have a confession to make … and it’s very painful indeed.

My name is Shirley.  Earlier this year, I said something to a friend that eventually resulted in devastation for our pastor … his family … our church … and my family.

Several months ago, I came home from work early one day, and I passed by the home of my friend Sandi.

Sandi’s car was in the driveway, but her husband’s car was gone, and a Ford truck – belonging to our pastor – was parked in front of Sandi’s house.

My first thought was, “Could something be going on between Sandi and Pastor Joe?”

So I drove by several more times later that afternoon, just to be certain, and sure enough, the pastor’s truck was still there.

By 4:45, Pastor Joe’s truck was gone, and by 5:35, the car of Sandi’s husband was parked in their driveway.

I was suspicious.  Years before, I knew someone whose church was devastated when it was discovered that the pastor was having an affair, so I’ve always been on the lookout for such signs.

Of course, I didn’t have any proof that anything was happening between the pastor and Sandi, but if something was happening, I didn’t want to remain silent, either.

So I called Beth, a good friend and the wife of a board member, and told her what I saw.  Beth thanked me for my call.

Two weeks later, the conversation at church was dominated by a single topic: Pastor Joe and Sandi were having an affair!

For the next several Sundays, the congregation was full of tension.  People stood around in cliques and spoke in hushed tones before and after services.  I happened to walk by two groups, and overheard both of them discussing the same topic: the relationship between the pastor and Sandi.

But I didn’t dare tell anyone that I was the person who initially raised the issue.

Beth told me that the board had already held an emergency meeting without Pastor Joe.  Then the board called another meeting and met with Pastor Joe alone, who vigorously denied that he was having an affair with Sandi.

But right around that time, I started receiving emails and phone calls from people at church claiming that the pastor was guilty of even more wrongdoing.

He was accused of mishandling church funds … of firing the youth minister out of jealousy … of ignoring the seniors in our church … and of mismanaging his family.

Suddenly, it was open season on Pastor Joe.

There were so many rumors flying around about his character and conduct that the board didn’t know what to do.

Due to their anxiety, some important families threatened to leave the church unless Pastor Joe was fired, so the board asked for Pastor Joe’s resignation.

But the pastor didn’t want to resign.  He claimed that he had done nothing wrong, and that all the rumors were really overreactions.

But nobody seemed to hear Pastor Joe’s denials … they only focused on all the new charges.

And then two staff members … several members of the church board … and leaders from the women’s ministry made additional charges against Pastor Joe.

The staff members claimed that he never affirmed them and demanded too much from them.

Several board members stated that the pastor’s marriage must be in shambles because of his affair.

The women’s ministry leaders stated that Pastor Joe didn’t like women and that he always made them feel uncomfortable.

And on and on and on …

It’s been months since Pastor Joe finally left the church.  We have an interim pastor now, but we’ve lost one-third of our congregation … including some of my best friends … and the board has sent out three letters begging the congregation to give more money by year’s end or we won’t be able to pay our bills.

In the meantime, I eventually found out the real reason why Pastor Joe was at Sandi’s house that afternoon.

Sandi’s husband Neil was raised by an uncle.  The uncle lived across the country, and died suddenly of a heart attack.

The news devastated Neil.  He called Pastor Joe and asked him to come to his house right away.

When Pastor Joe went inside Sandi’s house, Neil was there the whole time … and Neil’s car was missing because it was in a repair shop.

If a couple need counseling, they usually go the pastor’s office at church … but if there’s a death in the family, the pastor usually goes to see them in their house.

I should have known that, but for some reason, I forgot.

Right now, I’m wracked with guilt … and I don’t want to tell anybody what I said or who I said it to.

I just pray that someday, Pastor Joe can forgive me.

_______________

This story is a composite of stories I’ve heard from pastors and board members, although I do know a situation where a pastor was forced to resign because his car was parked outside a woman’s house.

There are several themes to this sad but increasingly common narrative:

First, Shirley should have checked with either Pastor Joe or Sandi before she shared her suspicions with anyone else at church.

She might have emailed the pastor and said, “Hey, I noticed your truck at Neil and Sandi’s house last week.  Is everything okay?”

Or she might have walked up to Sandi at church the next Sunday and said, “I noticed that the pastor’s truck was outside your house last Thursday.  I hope things are all right with your family.”

Either way, she would have learned the true situation … since neither party had anything to hide … and that would have been the end of it.

Instead, Shirley failed to speak with either party and went straight to Beth, who talked to her husband, who passed Shirley’s suspicions on to the entire board … needlessly multiplying the number of people involved.

Second, Beth’s husband should have spoken immediately with the pastor and let him share his side of the story.

But he didn’t. Instead, he called the board chairman, who believed that since a board member was making the accusation against the pastor, it must be true.

But Beth’s husband didn’t make an accusation … he just raised a suspicion.  But that distinction was lost on the board chairman.

Unfortunately, with many people, a private suspicion is the same thing as a formal accusation because they hear things emotionally, not rationally.

The chairman could have told Beth’s husband, “Why don’t you call the pastor and find out why he was at Sandi’s house?”

Or the chairman could have suggested, “How would you feel if I called the pastor and got his side of the story?”

Instead, the chairman called a meeting of the entire board … escalating matters … and again, involving way too many people.

Third, the board didn’t keep a lid on their emergency meeting nor its purpose.

How many gossiping board members does it take to bring down a pastor?

Just one.

And how many gossiping board member’s wives does it take to bring down a pastor?

Just one.

There are a few people in every church who can be trusted to keep important matters confidential.

However, there are many more people who can’t be trusted with anything important.

But some church leaders want to make themselves look significant.  They long to tell people, “I know something you don’t know about our pastor.”

But when they do that … especially when they’re passing on false or incomplete information … the results can be deadly.

When certain people inside a church hear either a board member or a board member’s wife make a serious charge against their pastor, they focus on who is making the charge just as much as the charge itself.

In other words, they take the charge as the gospel truth without any independent verification.

Although those leaders could be completely wrong, their office and status in the church makes them automatically believable to many individuals.

Fourth, when a pastor denies accusations made against him, some people will ignore his protests and bury him with even more accusations.

I can’t get my head around this reality, but it happens all the time.

Because they’re public and influential figures, pastors are frequently accused of wrongdoing.

Sometimes the accusations are made in a restaurant after a Sunday service … or in a car driving home … or after a small group meeting … or via email or texting.

Let’s say a pastor is accused by various churchgoers of doing 100 things wrong in a church one year.

And let’s say that 93 of the accusations are made in private and never circulate inside the congregation, so they just disappear.

Then let’s say that four accusations are brought directly to the pastor’s attention, and he refutes them with ease.

And let’s say that two accusations are brought to the board, and they check with their pastor, who again debunks them.

But let’s say one accusation takes on a life of its own, and that key leaders believe it … and spread it … without ever checking with the pastor first.

That single unproven, unverified accusation has the potential to end the pastor’s tenure in that church.

Because when an accusation circulates long enough … and is passed around to enough people … it takes on a life of its own even if it’s untrue … because the pastor doesn’t know anything about it.

Paul’s caution to Timothy must be among the least-obeyed verses in the entire New Testament:

Do not entertain an accusation against an elder [includes pastors; see verses 17-18] unless it is brought by two or three witnesses.  1 Timothy 5:19

Did you catch that?  The elders/board and the congregation should not even entertain an accusation against a pastor unless two or three witnesses are willing to go on the record.

And going on the record means that when they make their accusations, the pastor is allowed to face his accusers and respond to them.

In our little story, Shirley saw the pastor’s truck.  Beth didn’t … her husband didn’t … and the board chairman didn’t … but none of them possessed the wisdom or the courage to speak with the pastor directly.

The result?

Devastation all around.

Fifth, when one serious allegation about a pastor circulates around the church, people often add their own grievances to the mix.

I hear this story all the time.

Let’s say that a board member is telling people that the pastor has mishandled his expense account … and that the news is getting around the church.

When some people sense that the pastor is in trouble, it’s common for them to throw their own complaints about him into the hopper.

Rather than praying for the pastor and their church … or assuming a confident stance that the pastor will be exonerated … or waiting for an investigation to determine the truth … these individuals “pile on” the pastor with their own bitter feelings about him.

And when those allegations reach critical mass, the pastor can’t answer them all, and because those charges hang over him unresolved, he usually has to resign.

Finally, God’s people are all too quick to believe the worst about their pastors.

Becoming a credentialed pastor requires a lot of work.

I was a pastor for 36 years.  To become a pastor:

*I attended a Christian liberal arts college for four years before graduating.

*I attended seminary for five years to earn a Master of Divinity degree.

*I was ordained in my home church, which required that I share my conversion testimony, call to ministry, and a written statement of faith before several dozen Christian leaders, mostly pastors.

*I borrowed funds to complete my education (some prospective pastors borrow tens of thousands of dollars).

*I spent seven more years earning a Doctor of Ministry degree.

I wanted to be the best pastor I could be … and thousands of my colleagues have walked a similar path to gain their credentials.

But in today’s climate, one false allegation … one unsubstantiated rumor … can end not only a pastor’s tenure in a particular church, but also his entire career.

If a pastor is guilty of heresy, sexual immorality, or criminal behavior, he should resign voluntarily, and if he doesn’t, a church board has every right to dismiss him from office while still treating him with dignity and compassion.

But so often, a pastor is forced to resign, not because he did anything wrong, but because church leaders … usually those on the official board … let church politics determine their pastor’s future rather than devising and implementing a biblical, fair, and just process to evaluate any accusations made against him.

The pastor ends up leaving the church because church leaders let the accusations against him get out of hand.

Earlier I mentioned that I know a pastor who was forced to resign because his car was parked outside the home of a woman in his congregation.

Years later, a new pastor came to that church, and asked the previous pastor to return so the congregation could ask the pastor to forgive them for the way they mistreated him.

Maybe Shirley will repent, too, for the way she started the rumor mill grinding about her pastor.

But she shouldn’t be the only one to repent.

There’s more than enough blame to go around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Visiting a Church Secret Meeting … Secretly

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , on November 10, 2015| 2 Comments »

There’s a scene in the new James Bond film Spectre where the British spy sneaks into a meeting filled with international villains and thugs shrouded in shadows.  Though he has to run for his life after being discovered, Bond gains valuable information he could never have gathered otherwise.

That scene made me wonder: what if a faction of seven people in a medium-sized church held a secret meeting designed to create a strategy for forcing out their pastor … and two church leaders watched the whole meeting on a hidden camera?

_______________

“The meeting will now come to order,” Greg confidently proclaimed.  Greg was the leader of sports ministries for Brookside Church.

“Many of us have felt for a long time that Pastor Ben is not the right man for this church.  Over the past few months, several friends have come up to me after the service and said that they don’t like Ben’s preaching.

“In addition, a lot of us are really upset that Ben dismissed Pastor Scott, who worked so well with our young people.  My kids really liked Scott a lot, and were very unhappy when he left.

“Those are just some of the concerns we have about Pastor Ben.  But before I start, let me introduce the others I invited to this meeting:

“You all know my wife Marie.  She’s been taking soundings from some of the women in her small group Bible study.

“Then there’s Max, one of our oldest members who has watched pastors here at Brookside come and go over the years.  Max is here to represent the seniors.

“I want to welcome Pete and Jo, who worked with the high school group under Pastor Scott.  They never saw any of the misbehavior that Ben claimed Scott was guilty of before he was let go.  They represent our youth.

“I’m glad that our Associate Pastor, Phil, could join us tonight.  He has worked with Ben for several years and doesn’t like the direction he’s taking the church.  Once Ben is gone, Phil is willing to step in and take over the leadership of Brookside.  He’s a much better leader and preacher than Ben.

“It’s also a privilege to have Arnold, one of the board members, with us this evening.  Arnold has witnessed Ben’s behavior firsthand in official meetings these past few years.  Because I’ve heard Arnold question several of Ben’s past decisions, I decided to approach Arnold, and he’s all in with us.

“So let’s go around the room.  I want to hear why each one of you believe that Pastor Ben needs to leave our church … the sooner the better.”

_______________

With an expertise in surveillance that no one knew about, Arnold decided to accept Greg’s invitation to attend the meeting as a “double agent” and hide a small camera on his clothing where it couldn’t be detected.

His aim?  To expose Greg and his cohorts by recording the entire meeting … even if such a practice was illegal.

The camera fed pictures and sound directly to the computer of Steve, the worship pastor, a loyal supporter of Pastor Ben’s.  Brandon, another board member, watched the proceedings with Steve in his home office … all without Pastor Ben’s knowledge.  (The two leaders wanted to give the pastor deniability.)

When Greg started soliciting grievances against Pastor Ben, Brandon leaned over to Steve and whispered, “Did I miss something, or did they neglect to start the meeting with prayer?”  Steve whispered back, “You’re right.  How could God ever bless what they’re doing?”

_______________

Greg asked his wife Marie if she would keep a list of everyone’s grievances.  Marie asked, “Should I write down who made the complaints?”  Greg quickly responded, “No, that information won’t be necessary.  We’re just trying to pile up charges.”

Pete and Jo decided to go first.  Jo began, “As you all know, Scott was here just eighteen months.  Our two kids really liked the way he ran the youth group.  He had them doing service projects and always had time to listen to their problems.  I don’t know why Ben fired Scott, and I don’t really care.  My kids loved to come to church when Scott was here.  Now they won’t come at all, and they blame it all on Pastor Ben.”

(Back at Steve’s office, Steve said to Brandon, “Pete and Jo’s kids probably came to church once a month when Scott was here, if that.  They may have loved him, but not enough to show up on a regular basis.”)

Greg responded, “Sounds like Ben doesn’t care about the youth.  If he did, he would have kept Pastor Scott on because it’s hard to find a good youth man.  In fact, Ben should have been the one to leave!  Marie, write down that Ben doesn’t care about the youth.”

(Brandon turned to Steve and said, “You know why Ben fired Scott.  It’s because Scott was hired to work full-time and he didn’t even work half that time.  Ben warned him over and over … and kept the board informed … but Scott refused to change.  He deserved to be canned.”)

Max, representing the seniors, was next.  He said, “You know, Pastor Ben supposedly visits people when they’re in the hospital, but I don’t think that’s true.  Two months ago, I went in for some tests on my heart and had to stay overnight.  I kept waiting for Ben to visit me, but he never did!  Another senior said that Ben never visited him in the hospital, either.”

(Steve said to Brandon, “Ben didn’t visit Max because he was on vacation!  Ben asked me to do hospital visitation while he was away, so I visited Max, but he neglected to mention that fact.”)

Marie asked her husband, “What should I write down, Greg?”  Greg thought for a moment and then said, “Put down that Ben doesn’t care about the seniors of this church … or about people who are sick.”

Greg went fishing again.  He asked Marie, “Tell the others what you told me about Ben’s daughter Lacey last night.”

Marie replied, “Remember how Lacey was going out with Jeff, whose parents run the Guest Ministry?  I heard from a reliable source that Jeff broke up with Lacey because she was pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.”

Greg exclaimed, “Oh, brother!  That’s two charges right there!  First, Marie, write down that Ben can’t manage his family because his daughter got pregnant, and then write down that Ben is immoral because he tried to cover up the fact that his daughter planned to kill her baby.”

(Steve and Brandon, watching this horror show unfold on Steve’s computer, couldn’t believe their ears.  Steve told Brandon, “That’s a flat-out lie, and Pastor Phil knows it.  Ben told us in a staff meeting one day why Lacey and Jeff broke up.  It’s because Jeff was pressing her to have sex with him, and she told him she was only going to have sex after marriage.  Why doesn’t Phil speak up and say something?”)

Coincidentally, it was now Phil’s turn to knife his pastor.  Phil said, “I never liked Ben from Day One.  There was just something about him that I couldn’t connect with.”

Phil proceeded, “My main concern about Pastor Ben is that he doesn’t listen to our ideas.  I’ve told him over and over that I don’t agree with his emphasis on reaching out to people in our community.  After all, those people aren’t attending our church, and they aren’t paying the bills!  Why should we focus our attention on people who aren’t here?  We need to focus on the Christians who come here instead!”

Phil’s outburst caused everyone in the room to nod their heads in agreement.  “Our people come first,” Greg added.

(Brandon said to Steve, “This is hard to watch.  What about Jesus’ Great Commission?  What about all the lost people around us who are hell-bound without Christ?  If Ben focuses just on our own people, the church will begin to die.”)

Greg then asked Marie, “Can you read back the charges against Ben so far?”

Marie listed six charges:

*He doesn’t care about the youth.

*He doesn’t care about seniors.

*He doesn’t care about the sick.

*He can’t manage his family.

*He stands for immorality.

*He doesn’t pay attention to our people.

This process continued throughout the evening.  Three hours later, the group had 17 charges against Pastor Ben … including two that intimated that Ben had mishandled church funds … both sure winners once they went public.  Now they had to decide what they were going to do with those charges.

Greg, who had done this sort of thing in two previous churches, gave the group a game plan:

“First, I think we need to talk up these charges throughout the church.  Over the next two weeks, slip a charge or two into your conversations with friends and family members.  Find out who else doesn’t like Ben.  We need to develop a larger critical mass before we can act.

“Second, we need Arnold to share these charges with anyone on the board who might be sympathetic.  Arnold, can you think of any of the seven board members that you can recruit to our cause?”  Arnold replied, “I think I can sway two members to our way of thinking.”  (Arnold played along even though he had no intention of harming Pastor Ben.)

Greg continued, “If we can win four of the seven board members to our side, it’s only a matter of time until Ben is toast.  But if the board protects him, we may need to meet with Ben ourselves as ‘concerned church members.’

“Third, I’ll call the district office and let Wayne, the district minister, know that there are many people here at Brookside who think that Pastor Ben should leave the church.  My experience is that Wayne will listen to my concerns … want to know some of the charges … and tell me that he’ll be praying for our church.  District guys tend to believe the first thing they hear, so if and when Ben calls him, he’ll probably believe us over Ben.  That’s an advantage for us.

“Fourth, let’s solicit more charges from people who have left the church.  Marie and Jo, why don’t you look through the directory, see who has left Brookside over the past year, give them a call, and find out why they left.  Then make a list of those charges and bring them here next week.

“Finally, we need to stay underground and yet stay aggressive.  Don’t tell anyone what our plan is.  Don’t tell anyone who is in this group.  Let’s just keep things among ourselves for now, agreed?”

Everyone nodded their heads.

Greg concluded the meeting by saying, “If you want to talk among yourselves, use your cell phones.  No texts … no emails … and no instant messaging.  If anyone learns anything new over the seven days, please call me on my cell and let me know.  Otherwise, we’ll meet here next week, same time and place.  Good night.”

(Even though it was a long evening, Steve and Brandon now knew the entire plan.  They planned to meet with Pastor Ben the next day … tell him about the plot … reveal the names of the plotters … and help Ben create either a counterattack or a solid defense.  Ben’s future and their future were intertwined.)

Let me make seven observations about secret meetings in churches:

First, secret meetings are called either by the church board or by a church faction.  They are almost always invitation-only.  The clandestine nature of the meeting makes group members feel powerful.  Secrecy is what binds everyone together.  Take out one “secret member” and the whole scheme might come crashing down.  The faction cannot afford to have anyone who disagrees with them present.  It would ruin the entire exercise.  It usually takes only seven to ten people to “take out” a pastor, regardless of church size.

Second, secret meetings aren’t called to investigate charges against a pastor.  They are called to create charges – true or untrue – and to pile up as many charges as possible.  The charges only need to seem plausible.  The sheer volume of charges is what’s most important.  How can a pastor even answer charge after charge?  He can’t … and that’s the idea.

Third, secret meetings by their very nature create false accusations.  The group meets to pile up charges, so accusations aren’t vetted.  The most plausible charges are assumed to be true.  If the group cared about truth, they would give the pastor their list in advance … along with the names of his accusers … and let him rebut them, one by one.  But they don’t want him to rebut the charges … they want him to be ensnared by them.

Fourth, secret meetings don’t begin with offenses the pastor has made against the congregation, but offenses he’s made against individual group members.  Personal gripes somehow morph into official charges.  In this case, seven people fool themselves into thinking that they’re speaking for 300 … and they’ll try and fool the pastor into believing that, too.

Fifth, secret meetings involve one-way charges.  Group members serve as judge, jury, and executioners.  The pastor doesn’t know what the charges are, or who is making them, so he can’t answer them.  By the time he hears about the charges … and he will only hear about a few … a sizable percentage of the congregation will believe them, and he will not be given any fair and just forum to defend himself.

Sixth, secret meetings are designed to enhance the power of people who currently feel powerless.  Pete and Jo wanted Scott to stay, but Ben made him leave.  Phil secretly wants to be the pastor, but he can’t be as long as Ben is around.  The plotters must include someone from the church board and/or staff, or they won’t be successful.  They need inside support.  Those who attend and participate in secret meetings are saying two things, loud and clear: “I want to have more power than the pastor, and I want to exact revenge upon him for marginalizing me.”

Finally, secret meetings are always about one thing: destroying the pastor’s reputation, position, and even career.  Group members convince themselves that they are meeting for the good of the church and to carry out God’s will.  But the truth is that in almost every case, they are meeting for their own good and to do Satan’s will.  They aren’t meeting in the light, but in the darkness.

I thought I’d end this article with the words of John the apostle from 1 John 2:9-11.  They fit this scenario so well.  Just replace the word “brother” with “pastor”:

Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness.  Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble.  But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.

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Are Churches Pushing Out Older Pastors?

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on November 6, 2015| 2 Comments »

My wife Kim and I have been noticing something recently.

It seems to us that more often than not, whenever we hear that still another pastor has been forced to resign from his church, that pastor falls into the 55-65 age category … and he is usually in his early 60s.

I was thinking about this pattern recently when I ran across an article last weekend about the Washington Nationals pursuit of a new manager.

Even though he was interviewed for the job, 66-year-old Dusty Baker – formerly Manager of the Year three times with the Giants, Cubs, and Reds – was not initially hired by the Nationals.

Speaking of himself as both an African-American and an older manager, Baker told John Shea of the San Francisco Chronicle:

“How many teams are willing to accept what we have to offer?  We’ve got something to offer,” Baker said.  “How much respect do they have for my knowledge and expertise and wisdom over the years?  There’s a certain thing called a life experience degree.  There used to be.”

You’re right, Dusty … there used to be respect for “knowledge and expertise and wisdom over the years.”  But in all too many churches these days, those qualities seem to count for nothing.

(After the Nationals announced that Bud Black was hired as manager, Black turned down the position, and Dusty Baker – who is a great guy – was hired instead.)

Even though I see a pattern starting to develop, maybe older pastors aren’t more likely to be forced out than younger ones.

But assuming my premise has merit, why would any church force out a pastor just because of his age?

Let me suggest five reasons among many … and these are just ideas, not laws cut in stone:

First, older pastors are perceived to be less energetic than younger pastors.

This may or may not be the case.

Some younger pastors are entitled and lazy, refusing to work more than 40 hours.  I have worked with and met some of these people.

On the other hand, many older pastors – if not most – work at least 50 hours a week, many working at least 60.

I suppose it’s generally true that pastors older than 55 have slowed down a bit, but so what?  They more than make up for it with their vast experience and hard-earned wisdom.

Proverbs 20:29 puts it this way: “The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.”

Proverbs 16:31 adds, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.”

Yes, young men usually have greater physical strength than older men, but the gray hair of older men is twice equated with “splendor” or respect in Proverbs.

I don’t like or agree with the perception that older pastors are fading and falling apart, but probably some people in every church believe this.

Second, older pastors are perceived to be less “cool” than younger pastors.

There are millions of Americans who act like life began the day they were born.

They aren’t interested in much of anything that came before them.  They don’t care about how great a pitcher Sandy Koufax was … or what a great songwriter Bob Dylan was and still is … or how Richard Nixon managed to win the Presidency in 1968.

They’re far more interested in celebrities like Johnny Manziel … Katy Perry … and Barack Obama.

Koufax, Dylan, and Nixon represent the past, and are therefore deemed irrelevant.

Manziel, Perry, and Obama represent the present and future, so count a great deal more.

Many years ago, I visited a church where the pastor – a younger man – began the service by telling the congregation how much he loved reality shows on television.  He said he watched every one he possibly could.

Everyone loved his comments … except Pastor Jim sitting in the back.  (I don’t watch any reality TV whatsoever.)

No matter how much they try and keep up with popular culture, quoting the lyrics of a Taylor Swift song doesn’t really suit a pastor 60 years of age … but works much better with a pastor in his early 30s … and those are the people a church needs to reach if they’re going to grow.

Because younger people tend to accept popular culture uncritically … and many older pastors don’t understand or like it … older pastors may be viewed as “uncool” … even if they are godly men.

Third, older pastors are perceived as unable to reach young families as well as younger pastors.

There is an axiom among church growth proponents that pastors are best able to reach people who are ten years older and ten years younger than they are.

For example, if f I’m a pastor, and I’m 40 years old, I can best reach people ages 30 through 50.

If I’m 60 years old, I can best reach people ages 50 through 70.

(By this standard, was Jesus best at reaching people in their early 20s and 40s?)

This doesn’t mean that I can’t reach people who are much younger or much older.

It does mean that it will be more difficult … take more effort … and force me outside my comfort zone.

I was 27 when I first became a pastor.  The church board … composed of four men that averaged close to 65 years of age … gave me a charter to reach young families for Christ.

Nearly two years later, the church was all under 30 and over 60 … with only a handful of people in-between.

When the under 30s grew to the same size as the over 60s, the older group felt threatened and began making demands of the younger group.

I could sense a war was going to break out … but then, a sister church invited us to merge with them, and the war was transferred five miles away.

Let’s be honest: statistics indicate that the younger someone is, the more open they are to the gospel, and the older someone is, the more resistant they are.

So if a church is going to reach young families … which most churches say they want to do … then they may start thinking, “We need a pastor in his early to mid-thirties.”

And if their current pastor is over 55, they may … consciously or unconsciously … chase him right off their campus.

Fourth, older pastors are perceived to be less flexible than younger pastors.

I grew up in the home of a Baptist pastor, and older Baptists don’t dance.  (We can’t dance, but that’s another matter.)

I never attended a school dance in my life … my friends didn’t go, either … and I don’t think I missed anything.

So imagine how shocked I was when someone came up to me many years ago and suggested that we have a dance for singles in our worship center!

That idea was rejected quickly.

“But,” I was told, “many other churches have dances for singles.”

I didn’t care.  The answer was still, “No.”

In my mind, I was expressing my convictions … but to others, I was a stubborn, out-of-touch stick-in-the-mud.

I’m just as stubborn about giving altar calls.  The last one I gave was around 1980 … and only because my pastor at the time told me I had to.

There is a perception out there … right or wrong … that when they hear a creative idea from someone, a younger pastor will say, “Yes,” while an older pastor will say, “No.”

This perception is often held by those closest to the pastor … members of the board and staff … who have their own ideas about the direction the church should take.  But they find that the pastor wants them to champion his ideas while he rarely champions any of theirs.

Near the end of my last ministry, this was how the church board felt toward me.  We had a healthy reserve fund, and I wanted to use a good portion of those funds to start a third service.  After all, our church had been outreach-oriented for years, and my vision was entirely in line with our mission statement and history.

But the board turned down my third service proposal, and wanted to engage in maintenance tasks instead, at least in the short term.  Because I didn’t agree with them, I was labeled “stubborn.”

Younger pastors can be just as stubborn as older pastors, but they often aren’t viewed that way, because they’re seen as “works-in-progress,” while older pastors are “finished products” who just aren’t pliable enough.

Finally, older pastors are perceived to be harder to control than younger pastors.

To me, this is the crux of the problem: a church board … and a congregation … have a much more difficult time making an older pastor bend to their will.

Older pastors know from several decades of experience what works and won’t work for them in a church.  So when a staffer or a board member says, “Pastor, let’s do this” or “Why don’t we try that?”, the older pastor quickly combs through his memory and thinks to himself, “I tried that in two different churches, and it didn’t work in either one.  I’m not about to try that a third time.”

Members of the board might meet informally and say to each other, “We’re sure our proposal will work, but the pastor doesn’t even want to try it.”  And there doesn’t seem to be anything the board can do to change his mind.

But a younger pastor … maybe with just a few years of church experience … may come across as much more open to the same idea.

In John Shea’s article on Dusty Baker, the journalist made this observation:

“The trend in baseball is for owners to hire young, numbers-oriented general managers, often out of the Ivy League, and for those GMs to hire managers with little or no experience who’d buy into their sabermetric philosophies and lineup preferences.”

Translation: younger general managers wish to hire managers they can more easily control.

And they can’t control an old-school manager who relies on hunches, intuition, and gut feelings more than computer-generated patterns.

It’s my belief that when a church board and a pastor don’t agree on their church’s direction, the board will cooperate with their pastor for a while.

But if the family members or friends of board members threaten to leave the church … or stop giving … or stop coming … the board feels pressured, and their anxiety may propel them toward controlling their pastor more forcefully.

And if the pastor resists … and many older pastors do … then the board may conclude that the pastor has to go because they simply can’t control him.

While reading Chris Creech’s book Toxic Church, the author presents information he received from our mutual friend Dr. Charles Chandler from the Ministering to Ministers Foundation about pastors who are more likely to be abused by their congregations:

“Dr. Chandler reports that abuse is more likely to occur when a pastor reaches the age of fifty.  Abuse is more likely to occur when a pastor has had a long tenure.  Abuse is more likely to occur when a pastor has had some significant physical problem.  Abuse is more likely to occur when a dissident member of the church acts in collusion with a staff member of the church.”

Did you notice that first sentence?  “Abuse is more likely to occur when a pastor reaches the age of fifty.”

When my wife and I experienced a major conflict in our church six years ago, an outside consultant witnessed certain events firsthand and claimed that my wife and I were suffering abuse.  He wrote in his report, “How much more should Jim and Kim endure?”

I was 55 years of age when that conflict started, and 56 when it concluded.

Years ago, when I knew I would be leaving a church that I was pastoring, I spoke with one of my ministry mentors – a top church growth expert – who told me, “I’m sure you’ll find a new church.  You’re the right age.”

I was 44 years old.

Thirteen years later, I spoke with that same mentor again about my prospects for finding another pastorate.  But this time, he told me, “Nobody is going to hire you.  You’re the wrong age.”

I wonder how many pastors are pushed out of their churches simply because they’re “the wrong age.”

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Seven Reasons Why Church Bullies Attack Their Pastors

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on November 4, 2015| 2 Comments »

There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:

haughty eyes,

a lying tongue,

hands that shed innocent blood,

a heart that devises wicked schemes,

feet that are quick to rush into evil,

a false witness who pours out lies

and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

Proverbs 6:16-19

There are individuals scattered throughout Christian churches all over the world who fit Solomon’s description in Proverbs 6:16-19 perfectly.

Some people call them clergy killers.  For my purposes, let’s call them church bullies.

Church bullies attend churches where they become so angry with their pastor that they use any and every method possible to destroy their pastor’s reputation so they can force him to resign and leave their church forever.

When I was writing my doctoral project for Fuller Seminary on antagonism in the local church, my editor found it hard to believe that such Christians really do exist.

To this day, I find it hard to believe they do as well.

But they do, and at a time of their choosing, they spring into action and attempt to run their pastor out of the church … and even out of the community.

Because this kind of behavior makes no sense to most of us, we cannot fathom why a professing Christian – usually a church leader – would engage in this kind of reckless pursuit … but it happens all the time in the Christian community.

What motivates these church bullies?  Why are they so bent on destroying their pastor?

From all my research … from hearing scores of stories from other pastors … and from my own experience … let me suggest seven reasons why church bullies attack their pastor … in no particular order:

First, the church bully wants nonstop access to the pastor but isn’t granted it.

There are persons in every church who want to run the church through the pastor.  They want to become “the power behind the throne.”

So they try and become the pastor’s friend.  They invite him out to lunch … invite him and his wife over for dinner … and even suggest that the pastoral couple vacation with him and his wife.  (I’m going to use the terms “he” and “him” throughout this article even though a woman can also be a church bully.)

Sometimes these individuals will even give the pastor a special monetary gift or advocate that the pastor should receive a larger salary.  By doing this, they’re telling the pastor, “I’m your man.  You can always count on me.”

But if the pastor resists the bully’s machinations … or stops becoming his best friend … or the pastor starts investing himself into someone else … the bully will feel rejected … and may begin to plot against the pastor.

But when the pastor inevitably cuts off the attention – and especially the access – the bully will go berserk, not only because he senses he’s not as close to the pastor as he once was, but because he’s lost his ability to influence the church’s direction.

Second, the church bully believes he knows how to run the church better than the pastor.

According to Proverbs 6:16, this person has “haughty eyes,” meaning they are extremely proud.

Many years ago, I came to a church and met a board member who was full of hostility toward me.

He didn’t even know me, but at my first board meeting, he jumped down my throat over a trivial issue.

Several weeks later, he wanted to meet with me one-on-one.  We sat down together – I still remember the time and place – and he asked me all kinds of questions about the direction I wanted to take the church.

He shared his approach for growing the ministry, but I wasn’t comfortable with it.  His approach was 100% business-oriented.  For example, he wanted to advertise on television and believed that we’d pack the place out if we did.

Over the next few months, this gentleman came after me with a vengeance.  He misrepresented things I said behind my back and tried to turn others against me.

I was a threat to his plans for the church.

When he demanded to speak to me one day, and I delayed phoning him back, he angrily resigned from a volunteer position and left the church.

I was relieved.

God didn’t appoint that gentleman as the church’s leader.  Wisely or unwisely, God had appointed me.

I wasn’t about to be So-and-So’s man.  I wanted to be God’s man.

Third, the church bully senses he is losing control of his life.

Most church bullies don’t have their act together in their personal life:

*Maybe their marriage is falling apart.

*Maybe one of their kids is flunking out of school or is on drugs.

*Maybe they’ve been fired from a job or their career has stalled.

*Maybe they’re heavily in debt and have stopped paying certain accounts.

*Maybe their adult children don’t want to see them.

Whatever the issue, the bully hasn’t been able to control life events, so he feels that he can at least control events somewhere: at church.

Usually unconsciously, the bully says to himself: “I am losing significance at home … my career is going south … and I can’t seem to do anything about it.  But there is one place I can still make a difference: my church family.”

So the bully surveys the congregation and says to himself, “I can make a difference by making this proposal … supporting that idea … or stopping the pastor’s future plans.”

Even though God hasn’t called him to run the church, that’s exactly what the bully wants to do, because if he can control the church, maybe life won’t hurt so bad.

But to control the church, the bully needs to control, neutralize, or destroy the pastor … because the pastor is the one person who can thwart the bully’s plans.

I once spoke to a church consultant about some problems I was having with the church board.  He asked me how they were doing in their personal and vocational lives.  When I told him that two of the men were having major struggles at work, he said, “They’re angry.”

In other words, no matter how placid they looked when they came onto the church campus, they came to church perpetually ticked off … and it didn’t take much for that anger to surface.

Fourth, the church bully is fearful that the pastor will discover secrets in his life.

That same church consultant I just mentioned told me something I’ve never forgotten.

He told me that when a church board gangs up on their pastor to remove him from office, at least one board member is often discovered to be having an affair.

I haven’t heard this observation anywhere else, but his statement was based upon his experience in consulting with many churches.

The bully’s thinking may go like this:

“I have this problem in my life that nobody knows about.  If anybody discovers it, I could lose everything, and I can’t let that happen.  More than anyone I know, the pastor seems to have spiritual discernment, and I wonder if he knows what I’m doing.  So before he ever finds out … maybe from my wife, or my kids, or from friends … I’m going to get him instead.  That way, he’ll never be able to expose me.”

Whenever I did counseling, I was privy to secrets in people’s lives.  While I kept those sessions confidential, there are times when a pastor is preaching and he’ll mention an issue that was touched on in a counseling session … even years before.  The pastor may have forgotten who he counseled and what their problem was, but if the ex-counselee is sitting in church that Sunday, he may very well think the pastor is preaching about him – maybe even trying to change his behavior – and decide to go after the pastor for exposing his secret.

Yes, that’s paranoid behavior, but it happens more than any of us know.

Fifth, the church bully refuses to forgive his pastor for offending him.

Bullies are, by their very nature, notoriously sensitive individuals.  They see offenses where they don’t exist.

And this is especially true when it comes to pastors, because they represent God to many people.

If a bully offends a pastor, he expects to be forgiven.  That’s what pastors do: forgive.

But if the pastor offends the bully, the bully may never forgive him.  He may hold a grudge – sometimes for years – and not let anyone know how much it bothers him.

He probably won’t tell the pastor, either.  Instead, the bully will bide his time and later use that offense to run the pastor out of the church.

Only the bully won’t mention the offense to his friends – or the church board – because the issue that upsets him will look petty in the eyes of others.

Instead, the bully will begin to make official charges against the pastor: “He’s not working enough hours … he’s mismanaging funds … he’s been neglecting the seniors … he seems too absorbed with the office manager” … and so on.

Those aren’t the real issues.  The real issue is that the pastor offended the bully at some time in the past.  The bully hasn’t talked to the pastor about it, and he probably never will.

So what are personal charges end up morphing into official charges.

Proverbs 6:16-19 mentions “feet that are quick to rush into evil.”  I’ve seen those feet before, and they’re silently running toward mischief … and away from God.

Sixth, the church bully has collected grievances from others.

In the words of Proverbs 6:16-19, this person is “a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.”

The second church I pastored was a nightmare in many ways … mostly because of the worst church bully I’ve ever encountered.

His wife was upset with me, and quit coming to church, so he quit coming, too.

But a year later, he returned to lead a rebellion against me, and we lost 20% of our people overnight.

One of his tactics was to call people who had left the church to dig up some dirt on me.  Then he compiled a list of my supposed offenses, making it as long as possible.  Then he presented the list to the church board, which defended and supported me to the hilt.

His tactic didn’t work, but I saw what he was doing … and it was evil.

If a church bully wants to get rid of his pastor, and the pastor is guilty of heresy, sexual immorality, or criminal behavior – the Big Three – then the pastor has dug his own grave … although church leaders should aim for his restoration, not his destruction.

But if the pastor isn’t guilty of any impeachable offense, but the bully wants him to leave, then he may do one of three things:

*He will manufacture serious charges.  This is what the Jewish leaders did with Jesus.

*He will solicit charges from others – hoping there’s a major offense in there somewhere – and pass it around the church as if to say, “Do we want someone so flawed and imperfect as our pastor?”  But this is nothing more than carrying the offenses of others rather than encouraging people to see the pastor personally to make things right.

*He will make a litany of false accusations against the pastor, hoping that the sheer number of charges will drive the pastor far away.  But love doesn’t keep lists of offenses … love deals with offenses as they occur … and one at a time.

All three tactics are evil.  Doesn’t Proverbs 6:16-19 tell us that the Lord hates “a lying tongue” and “a false witness who pours out lies?”

Finally, the church bully has aligned himself with Satan.

Let me quote from Chris Creech in his recent book Toxic Church:

“It is my belief, however, that the one sure way to recognize a clergy killer is the use of the lie.  When an individual within the church is shown to have used a lie, there is no doubt that evil is at work and the person has tied himself or herself to an alliance with the devil, either knowingly or unknowingly” (see John 8:44).

How is the devil able to influence a Christian … even a Christian leader … to destroy his pastor?

It’s disturbing to say this, but the bully is so bitter and so vengeful that he gives himself over to the will of Satan.  In the words of Proverbs 6:16-19, this person has “hands that shed innocent blood” as well as “a heart that devises wicked schemes.”

I have recounted what happened to my wife and me in my book Church Coup … and our conflict climaxed, of all days, on Halloween.

There is no doubt in my mind that Satan attacked my wife and me repeatedly during the fifty days of our conflict.  His intention?  To destroy us in hopes that he could destroy the church.

There were so many lies going around the church … so much chaos … and so much hatred that it was absolutely unbelievable.  I could tell you story after story of Satan’s work during that time, and it would send shivers up and down your spine … unless you’ve been through this kind of thing yourself.

But most of all, Satan used false accusations to try and destroy my wife and me.  His strategy is simple: deception leads to destruction.

And yet here’s the ironic thing: the church bully believes that he is doing the will of God!

Where in the New Testament do we have even one positive example of a believer trying to destroy one of God’s chosen leaders?

We don’t.  Such behavior is condemned throughout the New Testament.

But as I look around the Christian world today, I see incident after incident where Satan influences a bully … the bully tries to destroy the pastor by lying … the pastor ends up leaving … the bully is never confronted or corrected … and someone from headquarters is sent to cover the whole thing up.

In fact, after the pastor leaves, in all too many cases the bully ends up being asked to serve on the church board … or the church staff … or even become the interim pastor.

What a dysfunctional lot the church of Jesus can be at times!

If a church bully read this article, he wouldn’t recognize himself.  I once heard a prominent Christian leader state that any individual who tries to destroy their pastor might be termed a “sociopath lite.”

Since the bully’s conscience isn’t functioning well, the consciences of the rest of the congregation need to be operational and discerning, or Satan can take out a pastor … or an entire church.

Let’s resolve not to let that happen anywhere.

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The Associate Pastor – Church Board Conspiracy

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , on July 15, 2015| 4 Comments »

Pastor Mark still couldn’t believe it was really happening.

After twelve years of ministry as senior pastor of Mercy Church, Mark felt pressured to resign.

Many people concluded that Mark quit because he couldn’t get along with the board.  That certainly seemed to be the case over the last few days of his tenure, but the truth was known only by a handful.

It wasn’t initially the church board that did in Mark … it was the associate pastor.

And the scenario I’m about to describe has become increasingly common.

Two years before Mark was forced to leave, he hired an associate pastor named Greg.

The church spent thousands of dollars moving Greg and his family to their community, and someone in the church let Greg rent their second house for a greatly reduced amount.

Greg was hired to do the things that Mark didn’t do well … or didn’t have time to do … and his five overall duties were all spelled out in his written job description.

Greg was responsible for running the small group ministry … overseeing the youth ministry … incorporating newcomers into the church … leading the men’s ministry … and starting several community outreach projects.

Right after Greg’s hiring, he began making plans for each of the five areas.  And over the next eight months, he recruited leaders for those ministries … helped them find volunteers … did some training … and reported everything back to Mark.

So far, so good.

But as time went on, Greg’s ministries didn’t flourish … and three were on life support.

Greg was increasingly unhappy.

Why?

*Greg’s wife told him that he was a much better preacher and leader than Mark … and that he should request and receive a significant raise in the new budget.  When he received a small cost-of-living raise after his first year, he sulked.

*Greg had also made some friends in the church … some of whom told him, “You should be pastor instead of Mark!”  And Greg believed them.

*Greg gradually lost interest in small groups, incorporating newcomers, and community projects.  In all honesty, he didn’t know what to do … chose not to tell Mark the truth … and faked his way along.

*Rather than doing what he was hired for, Greg spent his time goofing around online … talking on the phone with old friends … running errands for his family … and planning a mission trip that hadn’t been authorized.

Meanwhile, Mark was getting reports that the small group ministry was on life support … that only a few guests had returned for a second visit since Greg’s debut … and that the two community projects he started had both died.

Mark called Greg into his office one day and asked him for an honest progress report on each ministry.

Greg fudged … and bluffed … and lied.

Mark was justifiably upset.  The church had invested a lot of time and money in Greg, and he didn’t seem to be working out.  Mark told Greg, “If your performance doesn’t improve, we’re going to have to reevaluate our relationship.”

Greg went home and told his wife what Mark had said … and she hit the roof … and the telephone.

What she should have said was, “Greg, are you working a full week?  Are you giving God and His people your best?  Are you doing what Mark wants you to do?”

But she told him instead, “You are twice the leader Mark will ever be!  You should be the pastor of Mercy Church!  What does Mark know?  I’ve lost all respect for him.”

Greg was visibly upset … afraid for his job … and even his career.

He decided to contact a board member named Phil who had invited him out to lunch twice before.

The two of them met at Chili’s … where Greg told Phil:

“I don’t feel fulfilled right now at Mercy.”

“I’m not sleeping well … eating right … or able to focus on my ministry duties because I’m so upset with Mark.”

“I feel I’ve done a great job at Mercy, but Mark doesn’t agree, and he may be close to firing me.”

“My wife is upset, too, and she’s becoming a basket case.”

“I just want to serve the Lord without interference.”

The entire future of Mercy Church will be determined by what Phil does next.

He should tell Greg, “I’m sorry things aren’t working out, but Mark is your boss, and I support him fully.  Unless Mark is guilty of a major offense (heresy, sexual immorality, criminal behavior, verbal abuse), I’m not going to tell him how to run the staff.  You either need to do what Mark wants you to do or look for another job.”

But all too many board members reply, “Oh, Greg, I’m so sorry that Mark has hurt you.  That’s terrible!  Let me take your concerns to a couple other board members.  We’ll see what we can do to help you.”

Without realizing it, many board members end up sabotaging their pastor’s ministry by:

*siding with the complaining staff member.

*failing to inform the senior pastor of the staff member’s complaint.

*taking responsibility for the staff member’s feelings.

*telling other board members about the complaint.

*neglecting to tell the staff member to shape up or ship out.

Here is what happens all too often:

Phil contacts two other board members and passes on Greg’s complaints.  They listen to Phil … contact Greg and listen to him … never ask Mark for his side … conclude that “we must keep Greg” … and undermine Mark’s authority as staff supervisor.

And once Greg’s complaints are out in the open and unresolved … Phil spreads Greg’s complaints to other board members … some of whom take Greg’s side and add their own complaints against Pastor Mark.

This process can flourish underground for several months until:

*the complaining virus has spread throughout the board … to board member’s wives … and to several key leaders.

*the board reaches critical mass that Mark is a bad guy who has to go.

*the board makes this decision between board meetings … and without Mark’s knowledge.

When the board finally decides to speak with Mark about his tensions with Greg, the pastor:

*claims he isn’t aware of any tensions with Greg.

*feels that everything has been blown out of proportion.

*tells the board they have usurped his authority as staff supervisor.

*feels betrayed by a board that seemed completely loyal to him … until Greg showed up.

*doesn’t realize that the board has already sided with Greg over against their pastor.

Two weeks later, when Pastor Mark stands in front of the congregation and reads his letter of resignation, he probably won’t mention that Greg betrayed him … as did the entire church board.

He’ll trade that resignation letter for a separation package … and ask himself every day for months, “What in the world did I do wrong?”

Under this scenario, the answer is a pronounced, “Pastor, you did nothing wrong … except put too much trust in your associate and board members.”

The real culprits?

*A lazy and rebellious associate pastor.

*His jealous and bitter wife.

*A board member who allowed himself to be triangled (accept responsibility) for a problem that wasn’t his to resolve.

*Several other board members who foolishly sided with their new associate rather than their experienced and proven senior pastor.  (The senior pastor had served the church faithfully and productively for years, unlike the associate.)

*A church system that rewards slothfulness and disloyalty.

In some cases, the board then turns around and asks the associate pastor to become either the interim pastor or to throw his hat into the ring to become senior pastor … and sometimes, that’s exactly what happens.

I once interviewed a pastor who had experienced this exact scenario.

One day, he was leading a megachurch.

The next Sunday, he was out … and his associate became senior pastor.

Why does this happen?

Because the church board … in their anxious, confused state … forget three basic principles:

*God has called the senior pastor to be staff supervisor … not the church board.

*God has called the associate pastor to serve under the senior pastor … not the church board.

*God has called the senior pastor to be accountable to the church board … not the associate pastor.

It all seems so simple on paper, does it not?

Then why don’t some church leaders carry this out in practice?

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Dangerous Church Leaders

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on June 16, 2015| Leave a Comment »

He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil.  1 Timothy 3:6

When a church is looking for governing leaders … whether they’re called elders, deacons, trustees, the Church Council, or something else … the apostle Paul says it’s unwise to choose “a recent convert.”

Why?

Because, Paul tells Timothy, “he may become conceited” and start thinking that he’s arrived … that he’s more spiritual than his peers … and that his judgment and decisions are always correct.

Over my career, I’ve noticed another kind of governing leader that often causes trouble in churches: the leader who has only attended one church in his/her entire life.

This includes:

*a person who is elevated to board status after having been saved, baptized, and trained in your church.

*a person who has spent his entire Christian life in just one other church.

*a person who attended a megachurch in another state and now attends your church.

Let me share two examples of why such people can be dangerous.

I once hired a staff member who had spent his entire Christian life in one church.  In his mind, the way that church did things was right, and the way our church did things was wrong.

It didn’t seem to matter what the issue was.

Over the course of my pastoral career, I had served in eight different churches.  I knew all kinds of ways to plan a worship service … preach a sermon … manage church funds … run an event … manage a staff … and lead a church.

Wouldn’t you think that my broad experience was invaluable to that church?

But because I didn’t do things exactly the way the staff member’s previous church did things, I wasn’t just unwise … in his eyes, I was wrong.

You can see how such an attitude would breed conflict … and it did.

It started his first week on the job when he wanted to overhaul an aspect of church finances … even though we didn’t hire him for that reason.  And that attitude continued during his entire tenure with us … even though I asked him to stop saying, “At my former church, this is how we did things.”

I always wanted to be flexible enough to learn from any church and from any one … but the message I constantly received was, “You don’t do things the right way … like my former church.”

He began undermining me … lobbying for his positions with other church leaders … and questioning decisions that were made years before he came to the church.

In other words, if everyone … including me as pastor … would do church the way his previous church had done them… our church would have been much more successful.

Doesn’t that sound like someone who “may become conceited” … and who prefers to run the church himself?

(This reminds me of the story that Rick Warren tells about the early days at Saddleback Church.  At a meeting one night … with only around 15 people in attendance … someone kept talking about the way his old church used to do things.  Finally, Rick told him, “If you like that church so much, then why don’t you go back there?”  He did.)

Another time, I was pastoring a church that was trying to reach unchurched people for Christ.

A couple had just moved into our community and began attending our church.  In their previous community, they had attended the largest church in the United States.

This couple invited my wife and me over to their house for dinner.  That went fine.

But after dinner, the husband gave me a piece of paper on which he had rated me and every staff member in a number of different categories … including appearance and work ethic!

He was trying to remake our church into his former church … and that was never going to work.

Instead of making him a leader … which some pastors might have done … I realized that his approach would just alienate everybody.  When I let him know that I wasn’t going to follow his suggestions, he and his wife stopped coming.

I hear stories from pastors who have been sabotaged from inside their congregation, and a common thread is that the pastor’s primary antagonists have spent most … if not all … of their lives in that one church.

If the pastor has experience in several different churches, he undoubtedly has many options to choose from when it comes to instituting change.  He can say, “I’ve seen this work … and I’ve seen this fail … and I’ve seen this be a hit.”

But if the pastor has leaders who have never seen a specific idea work … because they have limited experience … it’s going to be much harder for him to sell his approach to them.

This is why I believe so strongly that whenever a pastor attends a conference or a seminar designed to help his church grow, he should invite along as many church leaders as possible so they hear what he hears at the same time.

Lyle Schaller is generally considered to be the foremost expert in how churches function in the United States.  I once read an interview with him where he confessed that for years, he would offer learning opportunities for pastors … who would try to implement what they learned in their home church … but would meet resistance from governing leaders nearly every time.

Schaller said that pastors need events where they can bring along their leaders.  Then when the learning event is over, the pastor and his leaders can discuss what they’ve heard from an outside expert … who knows what dozens of churches all over the country are doing to reach their communities.

The couple from the megachurch may have been an annoyance, but because I didn’t let them into leadership, our church didn’t suffer much from their inexperience.

But the staff member who undermined me created a lot of conflict … and when the conflict surfaced … he cleaned out his office and suddenly quit.

It isn’t always possible for a pastor to work with church leaders who have experience in three or four other churches.

Pastors usually inherit boards … and sometimes those boards are filled with leaders who have had limited church experience.  That isn’t anybody’s fault.

Pastors inherit staff members, too … and sometimes their only experience is in that one setting.

But pastors need to be aware that those who think narrowly … who think there’s only one way to do things … can often cause a disproportionate amount of trouble.

We might call them legalists.  A Christian leader I knew termed them rightists.

There’s only one way to heaven … but there are many ways to get people there.

And the more flexible church leadership is, the more people they will win for Christ … and the more they will enjoy the ride.

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Seven Allies Pastors Need to Survive Attacks

Posted in Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on May 28, 2015| Leave a Comment »

It is the nature of a pastor to want everyone in a congregation to like him.

And when a pastor discovers that some people don’t like him, that revelation can be painful … especially if they eventually leave the church.

But sometimes those who don’t like the pastor choose to stay … and want him gone instead.

The pastor’s detractors start pooling their grievances against him … meeting secretly … and plotting their strategy to make him unemployed.

When he’s under attack, it’s natural for a pastor to focus on those who stand against him.  After all, the knowledge that some people think you shouldn’t pastor their church is devastating.

But a healthier approach is for the pastor to ask himself, “How many allies do I still have in this church?”

The more allies … and the stronger their support … the better chance the pastor has of surviving any attacks against him.

Let me share with you seven kinds of allies that every pastor needs to survive internal attacks:

The first ally is God Himself.

If a pastor believes that he is innocent of wrongdoing before God … no matter what his opponents claim … then he may confidently count the Lord God among his allies.

I read Psalm 56 during my quiet time today.  David begins:

“Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me; all day long they press their attack.  My slanderers pursue me all day long; many are attacking me in their pride.  When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.  What can mortal man do to me?”

David believed strongly that God was 100% behind him.  From his perspective, the Lord wasn’t on the side of his enemies; he was on David’s side.  After all, God had called David to lead Israel, hadn’t He?

When a pastor is under attack, he needs to remind himself, “God called me to lead and shepherd this church.  He did not call my detractors.  Therefore, I will assume that God is on my side.”

A pastor can have no greater ally than God Himself.

Paul asks in Romans 8:31, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”  This rings true in the spiritual realm.

Yet inside a congregation, a pastor may sense that God fully supports him … and yet get bounced by people who aren’t listening to God.

So the pastor needs human allies as well … the more, the better.

The second ally is the pastor’s wife.

If a pastor’s wife doesn’t respect him, or doesn’t believe he should be in ministry, or wants nothing to do with the local church, her feelings will impact her husband’s ability to pastor.

In such cases, it would be better for a pastor to leave ministry and work on his marriage than to stay in the church and eventually lose both his marriage and his ministry.

But if a pastor’s wife is solidly behind him … if she tells her husband, “I support you no matter what anyone else thinks” … if she listens to his fears and takes care of his needs and prays with him when he’s under attack … then that pastor can truly count his wife among his allies.

Before we met 42 years ago, my wife wanted to be a missionary.  I felt called to be a pastor.

Because of her love for me, she was willing to submerge her dreams and serve at my side throughout my 35+ years of church ministry.

On those rare occasions when I was attacked, she stood solidly beside me.

I cannot imagine a better human ally.

The third ally is the church’s governing documents.

Whenever a group inside a church chooses to attack their pastor, they often fail to consult their church’s constitution and bylaws.

Those governing documents were adopted when church leaders were calm and thinking clearly.  And they usually specify how the congregation is to behave when people have become reactive and irrational toward their pastor.

When pastors contact me and tell me they’re under attack, I ask them, “What do your governing documents say about how to remove a pastor?”

Sadly, in too many cases, the church doesn’t have any governing documents … and it’s too late to create them when a group wants the pastor’s scalp.

The governing documents are really a legal and organizational ally.  And if they do specify how a pastor is to be removed from office … and the pastor’s detractors ignore them … then they need to be told … possibly by a board or staff member … that their efforts will not be recognized unless they conform to church protocol.

No church should ever abide by the law of the jungle.

Since most groups opposing a pastor thrive in the dark but wilt in the light, just informing them that they’re violating “church law” can be enough for them to stop … or at least adjust their strategy.

The fourth ally is the official church board.

If the Lord, the pastor’s wife, and the church’s governing documents are all on the pastor’s side, then everything comes down to where the official board stands regarding the pastor’s future.

Whether they’re called elders, deacons, trustees, the church council, the board of directors, or something else, the official board … usually voted in by the congregation … can make or break a pastor’s position.

Some observations:

*If the board chairman strongly supports the pastor, that’s a huge advantage.  During my 25 years as a solo or senior pastor, every board chairman fully stood behind me … except the last one.

*If a majority of the board stands behind the pastor … including the chairman … then it will be difficult for the pastor’s detractors to prevail.

*Much of the time, when a group attacks the pastor, they already have one or two allies on the church board … maybe more.  The group is emboldened largely because they have friends in high places.  Those board members often remain quiet about their position until they sense they’re going to prevail … and only then will they make their position known.

*If the entire board stands behind the pastor, then it may not matter who stands against him.

*If the entire board caves on the pastor, then it may not matter who else stands behind him.

Nearly 30 years ago … when I was in my mid-thirties … I was attacked by the Senior’s Sunday School class at my church.  They compiled a list of my faults, met with two board members, and demanded that the board remove me from office.

To a man, the board stood solidly behind me.  And they told me privately that if I resigned, they would all quit as well … thereby turning the church over to the Seniors … who knew absolutely nothing about leading a church.

When the board told the Seniors they supported me, the Seniors all left … when they disappeared, we were free to pursue God’s vision for our church … but it took time.

Judith Viorst once wrote a book called Necessary Losses.  That’s what those Seniors were.

The fifth ally is the church staff.

This includes the church secretary/office manager … the worship/music director … the youth director/pastor … and any associate pastors.

I have known office managers who undermined the pastor … right under his nose … from inside the church office.

I have known worship/music directors who insisted that worship be done their way … even if the pastor disagreed.

I have known youth pastors who openly rebelled against their pastor … and quietly joined his opposition.

I have known associate pastors who wanted their pastor’s job … and were willing to do or say almost anything to get it.

But I have also known staff members who were completely loyal … utterly faithful … and totally supportive of their pastor.

I believe that if a pastor has the support of his entire board and staff, no group in the church can push him out.

Knowing this, most groups that seek to remove a pastor have to find allies on the board and/or staff.

Even if the entire board collapses their support for their pastor, if certain key staff members stand with the pastor, he may be able to survive … but the combination of key board/staff members who don’t support their pastor can be deadly.

Sometimes a pastor knows that a staff member doesn’t fully support his leadership, but the pastor lets that person stay on because they’re doing a good job … or because they’re afraid of the fallout should that person be fired.

Staff support can be tricky.

The sixth ally is key church opinion makers.

This would include former staff members … board members … and church leaders who are still in the church.

And sometimes, this includes people who have moved away but whose opinion others still value.

When I went through my attack five-and-a-half years ago, some of my best allies were two former board members and a former staff member from inside the church.  They worked behind-the-scenes to call for a fair process dealing with particular issues.

I also consulted with two former board chairmen … one from my previous church, another from my current one … and their counsel was invaluable.

If the former board members had stood against me, I might have instantly resigned … but they wanted me to stay.

If the former board chairmen thought I was out of line, I might have quit … but they encouraged me to hang in there.

If a pastor is under attack, and doesn’t have any ecclesiastical allies, that might be a sign he needs to trade a resignation letter for a severance package.

But if he does have prominent church allies … even if they don’t currently hold offices … they can sway a lot of people.

The seventh and final ally is vocal churchgoers.

When a pastor is under attack, and the charges against him float through the congregation, most people don’t know whether they should believe what they’re hearing.

The focus of most people is on whether or not the charges are true.

But a better way is to ask whether a fair and just process is being used with the pastor.

The pastor’s opponents will tell people, “The pastor is guilty of this … we heard him say that … and we don’t like the fact he does this.”

But does the pastor know what’s being said about him?  Does he know who has lined up against him?  And has he been given the opportunity to respond to the charges that are going around?

When a group presses charges against a pastor, they’re hoping that people become reactive and emotional and demand en masse that their pastor leave.

But when others come along and insist on a fair and just process, they’re hoping to calm down people … engage their brains … and determine the truth before demanding anything.

Every church needs a group of fair-minded, spiritual, and vocal members who tell the pastor’s detractors, “We will not let you engage in a lynch mob to dismiss our pastor.  Whether he’s innocent or guilty of your charges, let’s take our time and work through a fair and just process first.”

These people comprise a pastor’s ecclesiastical safety net.

When Elisha and his servant were in Dothan (2 Kings 6), Elisha’s servant got up early and saw “an army with horses and chariots” surrounding the city … and he instantly panicked.

But Elisha remarked, “Don’t be afraid.  Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”

When the Lord opened his servant’s eyes, he saw “the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha” … the armies of the Lord.

Sometimes a church is full of horses and chariots surrounding the pastor, too … a pastor just needs someone to open his eyes.

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Ten Suggestions for Pastors Under Attack, Part 1

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on May 12, 2015| 1 Comment »

It’s mid-afternoon on a Tuesday.

As pastor of Grace Church, you’ve just about recovered your energy from last Sunday’s service … and you’re looking ahead to the following Sunday’s worship time.

Suddenly, the phone rings.  It’s John, one of your board members.  He sounds anxious.

“Pastor, I’ve just heard and confirmed that a petition is being circulated to call for a vote to remove you as pastor.  I don’t have all the details, but I thought you ought to know.”

With that one phone call, your world will never be the same.

Because I’ve written a book on the topic of forced termination called Church Coup … because I write a blog on pastor-church conflict … and because I know firsthand what it’s like to be attacked from within your church … I regularly hear the stories of pastors who have already gone through this horrendous experience.

But what about the pastor who has just received word that a group of people from inside the church want him to leave?  What, if anything, should he do?

Let me present ten suggestions for pastors who have just confirmed they’re under attack (five this time, five next time):

First, trust your pastoral instincts.

If you think you’re under attack, you probably are.

If you think someone hates you, they probably do.

If you think a group wants you to resign, you’re most likely correct.

Could you just be paranoid?  Yes.  Could you be overreacting?  Of course.

But the most likely scenario is that you know in your heart of hearts exactly what is going on.

When I was under attack more than five years ago, some people from the church came around me and tried to encourage me.  They would say things like, “I can’t believe So-and-So is against you” or “I’m sure you’re reading this wrong” or “Maybe this will all blow over in a few weeks.”

While I appreciated their attempts to make me feel better, I knew deep inside what the endgame was: to force me to quit.

And in almost every circumstance, my instincts were right.

The more years you’ve been in church ministry, the more finely-tuned your instincts are.  While they’re not infallible, they’re incredibly accurate.  Unless you have clear-cut evidence that they’re wrong, trust them.

Second, locate several comforting passages of Scripture and read them daily.

When you’re under attack, you usually can’t concentrate for very long.

If you can maintain a quiet time schedule … including reading through books of the Bible … then go ahead and do it … but realize that you may end up reading the words but not deriving much from their meaning.

Two books of the Bible deal specifically with attacks upon God’s servants: the Psalms and 2 Corinthians.

Time after time throughout the Psalms, David laments that his enemies are trying to harm him … even kill him.  The way David felt several thousand years ago mirrors the way many pastors feel today when they’re under attack.

In my situation, I perused the Psalms until I found Psalm 35, and for several weeks, my wife and I read that psalm every evening before we went to bed.  If you can identify one or more psalms that work for you, maybe you can park there for a while, and let God’s Word fill your mind and soul.

Paul wrote 2 Corinthians because some people in Corinth were questioning his qualifications to be an apostle.  Paul opens up his heart and expresses his feelings in a way he doesn’t do in places like Romans or Ephesians.  It’s great therapy.

If you find difficulty praying, it’s okay to shoot “arrow prayers” up to God during the day like “God help me” or “God save me” or “God give me wisdom.”  Jesus was in so much pain on the cross that He only uttered a few words at a time, and our Father understands if you can’t pray as long or as deep as you’re accustomed to doing.

Third, confide in believers from outside the church.

When you suspect you’re under attack, proactively contact two types of friends who are not in your church:

*Contact personal friends who are believers.  These are people who call you by your first name.  They don’t know you as “Pastor.”

Share with them what you’re going through.  Ask them to pray for you … and with you right then.  Ask them to check in on you over the next few weeks.

When I was under attack, I regularly called several friends, including one who is a pastor, and two who were former board chairmen.  While they were honest with me, they also let me know that our friendship superseded whatever my opponents were saying … and they usually saw matters more clearly than I did.

*Contact professional friends who can provide perspective.  This includes seminary professors … Christian counselors … church conflict interventionists … and fellow pastors.

Five days after our conflict surfaced, I spent 14 hours on the phone one day with Christian leaders.  They were generous with their time … provided much-needed insights … and let me know that I wasn’t alone.

If you can, take notes during these conversations.  You’ll be able to relay their thoughts much better to your wife and family, and the notes may be useful down the road if matters go south.

Fourth, identify and meet with your supporters from inside your church … cautiously.

I spoke recently with a woman who was trying to bring a charter school to her community.  She told me that a school leader held some face-to-face conversations with two school board members and came away convinced that both members would vote in favor of the project.

Both ended up voting no … along with the rest of the board.

The lesson?  During times of crisis, don’t assume that people who have supported you in the past will continue to support you in the future.

And don’t assume that people who say they support you will continue to do so … because some will flip on you.

In fact, some may become double agents … acting like they’re your supporter but passing on whatever you say to your detractors … and you may not find out who these people are until it’s too late.

How can you tell who your supporters are?

They’ll use “we” language (“Pastor, what are we doing to do?”) … threaten to leave the church if you leave … encourage you not to resign prematurely … defend you to the hilt when people criticize you … and share any conversations they have with your opponents with you.

Assume that unless you’ve done something impeachable … like commit adultery, steal church funds, or commit a criminal act … most people will continue to support you, at least initially.  After all, the great majority of people who attend your church are there because of you … and not because of your detractors.

Fifth, gauge the opposition against you: both who and how many.

This is a difficult step to take, but it’s necessary.  Consulting with your supporters, you want to find out:

*Who is against you?  Don’t be surprised if your opposition includes a staff member or a few board members.  Some church leaders sense that if they can overthrow you in a coup, they will gain more power in the church by default.

When I discovered that some top church leaders were standing against me, I was devastated.  Nobody had ever sat down with me and said, “Hey, Jim, I’m concerned about your behavior or about this aspect of the ministry.”

Looking back, those who ended up opposing me went silent whenever they didn’t like something I had said or done.  That’s why I didn’t know they were against me.

You have to shake off the shock of discovering that an associate or close friend has turned against you.  It says far more about them than it does about you.  They lack the courage to confront you to your face and are only willing to go public when they’ve pooled their grievances with others.

*How many are against you?  I haven’t read this anywhere, but here’s what I think:

If the entire church board is against you, you cannot survive as pastor.  No matter how bad you feel, or what people are saying about you, do not resign without a severance agreement. Trade your resignation for a severance agreement … but don’t resign until you have one in place and it’s been reviewed by an attorney.  If you resign without a severance agreement, you will put a tremendous strain on your family financially, and you will kick yourself for a long time.

Here is a blog article I wrote for board members on severance agreements.  Feel free to send them the link:

Why Give a Terminated Pastor a Severance Package?

If a vocal faction is against you, try and find out how many people are in the faction, as well as their names.  Know your opposition.  If they are making demands and threats, they’re probably at the point where they’re telling people, “Either the pastor leaves or we leave.”  If the faction doesn’t include any board members, staff members, or spiritual leaders, you may be able to survive provided that your board and/or your staff stands behind you.

During my second pastorate, a vocal faction … mostly composed of seniors … held a secret meeting … created a list of my faults (and included my wife and two kids) … approached the church board with their list … and demanded that I be fired.  Because their list consisted of petty items, the board stood with me and the entire faction left the church en masse.

If several members of the church staff are against you, and their complaints are petty, call a public meeting and expose their opposition.  Some will probably resign immediately because they don’t want to go on record against you.  I know a pastor who did this many years ago and now leads one of America’s greatest churches.

Just because some prominent people are against you doesn’t mean that you should resign.  And just because ten or fifteen percent of your congregation is against you doesn’t mean you should quit, either.

It all depends upon the strength of your support from the church board and staff.  If they stand with you, you can survive any uprising.  But if several of them wilt on you …  especially because they’re friends with your opponents … that’s a different story.

I’ll share five more suggestions next time.

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