There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies
and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.
Proverbs 6:16-19
There are individuals scattered throughout Christian churches all over the world who fit Solomon’s description in Proverbs 6:16-19 perfectly.
Some people call them clergy killers. For my purposes, let’s call them church bullies.
Church bullies attend churches where they become so angry with their pastor that they use any and every method possible to destroy their pastor’s reputation so they can force him to resign and leave their church forever.
When I was writing my doctoral project for Fuller Seminary on antagonism in the local church, my editor found it hard to believe that such Christians really do exist.
To this day, I find it hard to believe they do as well.
But they do, and at a time of their choosing, they spring into action and attempt to run their pastor out of the church … and even out of the community.
Because this kind of behavior makes no sense to most of us, we cannot fathom why a professing Christian – usually a church leader – would engage in this kind of reckless pursuit … but it happens all the time in the Christian community.
What motivates these church bullies? Why are they so bent on destroying their pastor?
From all my research … from hearing scores of stories from other pastors … and from my own experience … let me suggest seven reasons why church bullies attack their pastor … in no particular order:
First, the church bully wants nonstop access to the pastor but isn’t granted it.
There are persons in every church who want to run the church through the pastor. They want to become “the power behind the throne.”
So they try and become the pastor’s friend. They invite him out to lunch … invite him and his wife over for dinner … and even suggest that the pastoral couple vacation with him and his wife. (I’m going to use the terms “he” and “him” throughout this article even though a woman can also be a church bully.)
Sometimes these individuals will even give the pastor a special monetary gift or advocate that the pastor should receive a larger salary. By doing this, they’re telling the pastor, “I’m your man. You can always count on me.”
But if the pastor resists the bully’s machinations … or stops becoming his best friend … or the pastor starts investing himself into someone else … the bully will feel rejected … and may begin to plot against the pastor.
But when the pastor inevitably cuts off the attention – and especially the access – the bully will go berserk, not only because he senses he’s not as close to the pastor as he once was, but because he’s lost his ability to influence the church’s direction.
Second, the church bully believes he knows how to run the church better than the pastor.
According to Proverbs 6:16, this person has “haughty eyes,” meaning they are extremely proud.
Many years ago, I came to a church and met a board member who was full of hostility toward me.
He didn’t even know me, but at my first board meeting, he jumped down my throat over a trivial issue.
Several weeks later, he wanted to meet with me one-on-one. We sat down together – I still remember the time and place – and he asked me all kinds of questions about the direction I wanted to take the church.
He shared his approach for growing the ministry, but I wasn’t comfortable with it. His approach was 100% business-oriented. For example, he wanted to advertise on television and believed that we’d pack the place out if we did.
Over the next few months, this gentleman came after me with a vengeance. He misrepresented things I said behind my back and tried to turn others against me.
I was a threat to his plans for the church.
When he demanded to speak to me one day, and I delayed phoning him back, he angrily resigned from a volunteer position and left the church.
I was relieved.
God didn’t appoint that gentleman as the church’s leader. Wisely or unwisely, God had appointed me.
I wasn’t about to be So-and-So’s man. I wanted to be God’s man.
Third, the church bully senses he is losing control of his life.
Most church bullies don’t have their act together in their personal life:
*Maybe their marriage is falling apart.
*Maybe one of their kids is flunking out of school or is on drugs.
*Maybe they’ve been fired from a job or their career has stalled.
*Maybe they’re heavily in debt and have stopped paying certain accounts.
*Maybe their adult children don’t want to see them.
Whatever the issue, the bully hasn’t been able to control life events, so he feels that he can at least control events somewhere: at church.
Usually unconsciously, the bully says to himself: “I am losing significance at home … my career is going south … and I can’t seem to do anything about it. But there is one place I can still make a difference: my church family.”
So the bully surveys the congregation and says to himself, “I can make a difference by making this proposal … supporting that idea … or stopping the pastor’s future plans.”
Even though God hasn’t called him to run the church, that’s exactly what the bully wants to do, because if he can control the church, maybe life won’t hurt so bad.
But to control the church, the bully needs to control, neutralize, or destroy the pastor … because the pastor is the one person who can thwart the bully’s plans.
I once spoke to a church consultant about some problems I was having with the church board. He asked me how they were doing in their personal and vocational lives. When I told him that two of the men were having major struggles at work, he said, “They’re angry.”
In other words, no matter how placid they looked when they came onto the church campus, they came to church perpetually ticked off … and it didn’t take much for that anger to surface.
Fourth, the church bully is fearful that the pastor will discover secrets in his life.
That same church consultant I just mentioned told me something I’ve never forgotten.
He told me that when a church board gangs up on their pastor to remove him from office, at least one board member is often discovered to be having an affair.
I haven’t heard this observation anywhere else, but his statement was based upon his experience in consulting with many churches.
The bully’s thinking may go like this:
“I have this problem in my life that nobody knows about. If anybody discovers it, I could lose everything, and I can’t let that happen. More than anyone I know, the pastor seems to have spiritual discernment, and I wonder if he knows what I’m doing. So before he ever finds out … maybe from my wife, or my kids, or from friends … I’m going to get him instead. That way, he’ll never be able to expose me.”
Whenever I did counseling, I was privy to secrets in people’s lives. While I kept those sessions confidential, there are times when a pastor is preaching and he’ll mention an issue that was touched on in a counseling session … even years before. The pastor may have forgotten who he counseled and what their problem was, but if the ex-counselee is sitting in church that Sunday, he may very well think the pastor is preaching about him – maybe even trying to change his behavior – and decide to go after the pastor for exposing his secret.
Yes, that’s paranoid behavior, but it happens more than any of us know.
Fifth, the church bully refuses to forgive his pastor for offending him.
Bullies are, by their very nature, notoriously sensitive individuals. They see offenses where they don’t exist.
And this is especially true when it comes to pastors, because they represent God to many people.
If a bully offends a pastor, he expects to be forgiven. That’s what pastors do: forgive.
But if the pastor offends the bully, the bully may never forgive him. He may hold a grudge – sometimes for years – and not let anyone know how much it bothers him.
He probably won’t tell the pastor, either. Instead, the bully will bide his time and later use that offense to run the pastor out of the church.
Only the bully won’t mention the offense to his friends – or the church board – because the issue that upsets him will look petty in the eyes of others.
Instead, the bully will begin to make official charges against the pastor: “He’s not working enough hours … he’s mismanaging funds … he’s been neglecting the seniors … he seems too absorbed with the office manager” … and so on.
Those aren’t the real issues. The real issue is that the pastor offended the bully at some time in the past. The bully hasn’t talked to the pastor about it, and he probably never will.
So what are personal charges end up morphing into official charges.
Proverbs 6:16-19 mentions “feet that are quick to rush into evil.” I’ve seen those feet before, and they’re silently running toward mischief … and away from God.
Sixth, the church bully has collected grievances from others.
In the words of Proverbs 6:16-19, this person is “a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.”
The second church I pastored was a nightmare in many ways … mostly because of the worst church bully I’ve ever encountered.
His wife was upset with me, and quit coming to church, so he quit coming, too.
But a year later, he returned to lead a rebellion against me, and we lost 20% of our people overnight.
One of his tactics was to call people who had left the church to dig up some dirt on me. Then he compiled a list of my supposed offenses, making it as long as possible. Then he presented the list to the church board, which defended and supported me to the hilt.
His tactic didn’t work, but I saw what he was doing … and it was evil.
If a church bully wants to get rid of his pastor, and the pastor is guilty of heresy, sexual immorality, or criminal behavior – the Big Three – then the pastor has dug his own grave … although church leaders should aim for his restoration, not his destruction.
But if the pastor isn’t guilty of any impeachable offense, but the bully wants him to leave, then he may do one of three things:
*He will manufacture serious charges. This is what the Jewish leaders did with Jesus.
*He will solicit charges from others – hoping there’s a major offense in there somewhere – and pass it around the church as if to say, “Do we want someone so flawed and imperfect as our pastor?” But this is nothing more than carrying the offenses of others rather than encouraging people to see the pastor personally to make things right.
*He will make a litany of false accusations against the pastor, hoping that the sheer number of charges will drive the pastor far away. But love doesn’t keep lists of offenses … love deals with offenses as they occur … and one at a time.
All three tactics are evil. Doesn’t Proverbs 6:16-19 tell us that the Lord hates “a lying tongue” and “a false witness who pours out lies?”
Finally, the church bully has aligned himself with Satan.
Let me quote from Chris Creech in his recent book Toxic Church:
“It is my belief, however, that the one sure way to recognize a clergy killer is the use of the lie. When an individual within the church is shown to have used a lie, there is no doubt that evil is at work and the person has tied himself or herself to an alliance with the devil, either knowingly or unknowingly” (see John 8:44).
How is the devil able to influence a Christian … even a Christian leader … to destroy his pastor?
It’s disturbing to say this, but the bully is so bitter and so vengeful that he gives himself over to the will of Satan. In the words of Proverbs 6:16-19, this person has “hands that shed innocent blood” as well as “a heart that devises wicked schemes.”
I have recounted what happened to my wife and me in my book Church Coup … and our conflict climaxed, of all days, on Halloween.
There is no doubt in my mind that Satan attacked my wife and me repeatedly during the fifty days of our conflict. His intention? To destroy us in hopes that he could destroy the church.
There were so many lies going around the church … so much chaos … and so much hatred that it was absolutely unbelievable. I could tell you story after story of Satan’s work during that time, and it would send shivers up and down your spine … unless you’ve been through this kind of thing yourself.
But most of all, Satan used false accusations to try and destroy my wife and me. His strategy is simple: deception leads to destruction.
And yet here’s the ironic thing: the church bully believes that he is doing the will of God!
Where in the New Testament do we have even one positive example of a believer trying to destroy one of God’s chosen leaders?
We don’t. Such behavior is condemned throughout the New Testament.
But as I look around the Christian world today, I see incident after incident where Satan influences a bully … the bully tries to destroy the pastor by lying … the pastor ends up leaving … the bully is never confronted or corrected … and someone from headquarters is sent to cover the whole thing up.
In fact, after the pastor leaves, in all too many cases the bully ends up being asked to serve on the church board … or the church staff … or even become the interim pastor.
What a dysfunctional lot the church of Jesus can be at times!
If a church bully read this article, he wouldn’t recognize himself. I once heard a prominent Christian leader state that any individual who tries to destroy their pastor might be termed a “sociopath lite.”
Since the bully’s conscience isn’t functioning well, the consciences of the rest of the congregation need to be operational and discerning, or Satan can take out a pastor … or an entire church.
Let’s resolve not to let that happen anywhere.
Revenge Against Pastors
Posted in Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged attacking a pastor, church board and pastoral termination, forced termination of pastors, pastor staff conflict, pastor-board conflict, pastoral termination, pastors under attack on September 16, 2016| 2 Comments »
I just dropped a final payment and a sharply-worded letter in the mailbox to my former cable company (let’s call them Corrupt Cable) a few minutes ago.
Last April, Corrupt bought out my previous cable company (which I was very happy with) and immediately began alienating their new customers.
The bills were higher than they had been. When I called customer service – which I did every month – the reps would tell me I owed one amount, but the subsequent bill would be larger.
When my bill in July was double what the customer rep said that I owed in June, I immediately cancelled (I was on a month-to-month contract) and contacted another company, which came the next day and exceeded my expectations with their professional attitude and performance.
I called Corrupt’s customer service again, asked how much my final bill was, and sent in that amount. But Corrupt later billed me twice the amount the rep said I owed.
That was it for me. I sent Corrupt management a strongly-worded two page letter along with a check for the amount the rep said I owed. Corrupt countered with a letter threatening my credit if I didn’t pay them the remaining balance immediately.
I have never written the word “Corrupt!” on a check before, but I just did.
Now here’s the deal: I don’t want to hurt Corrupt’s CEO or force him from office. I don’t want to destroy the company or its shareholders.
I just don’t want to think about them or talk about them anymore. I am done with the Corrupt Cable Company forever.
But in many churches, when someone becomes upset with the pastor, they want to hurt him. They want to target him. They want to force him from office.
And they want revenge.
It’s my contention that many pastoral terminations are really the result of one or more church leaders seeking retribution against their shepherd.
More and more, I’m hearing stories of pastors and staff members who are forced out of their positions, and when they’re done sharing, I say to them, “You know what this sounds like to me? Revenge.”
Let me share with you a composite of situations I’ve heard about firsthand.
Tom (who is now in his early 60s) has been the lead pastor of New Life Church for fifteen years. The church has grown steadily and has a weekend attendance of 1100 people. Tom and the board hired an associate pastor named Joe five years ago, and the first several years went well, but over the past two years, Joe has made Tom’s life a living hell.
Joe (who is in his mid-40s) is surrounded by family and friends who think that he’s a better leader and preacher than Tom and that he’s more culturally relevant. Joe’s wife has been especially vocal in this area.
Some members of Joe’s group (which numbers about thirty) have started to make snide comments about the church and its leadership on social media. Though they don’t mention Pastor Tom by name, it’s obvious they’re aiming their barbs at him.
By contrast, when Pastor Joe does anything in public, he’s praised on Facebook and Twitter by the FOJ Brigade.
At this point, the ideal solution is for the official board to intervene and tell Joe that (a) he still works for Pastor Tom; (b) he needs to tell his supporters to knock off their social media campaign; (c) if Joe has any concerns, he should discuss them with Tom first; and (d) any deviations from their instructions will result in Joe’s dismissal.
But because most church boards are afraid of conflict, and because some board members like Joe more than Tom, this solution isn’t likely to be implemented.
If Pastor Tom does nothing, he’s going to be driven from his position within a short while, because Joe’s followers are starting to smell blood.
But if Tom goes to the board and enacts too heavy-handed an approach, some board members will turn on him and back Joe instead.
So Tom decides that he will talk to Joe in private first. Tom will tell Joe what he’s seeing with his attitude and ask Joe what he plans to do about it.
Tom’s plan doesn’t work and, in fact, upsets Joe greatly. Ten minutes after their meeting, Joe is texting and calling his group, telling them, “How dare the pastor talk to me like that!”
Tom comes out of their meeting dazed and confused, while Joe calls a couple of board members that he senses are sympathetic and negatively exaggerates both Tom’s tone and words.
The verdict? Pastor Tom can’t get along with the staff (even though he gets along with everybody but Joe) and he can’t get along with important people (like Joe’s followers).
So Tom has to go.
I wrote the following paragraph in my book Church Coup:
“I have a theory about the mentality of those who seek to target a pastor they don’t like. Because they sense that what they’re doing is wrong, they have to (a) exaggerate any charges to the level of a capital crime; (b) find others who agree with them to alleviate their guilt; (c) justify their actions by convincing themselves it’s for the common good; and (d) work up their hatred so they follow through with their plan. While this progression sounds like the kind of diabolical rage one might find in politics or war (or the prelude to a murder), the last place we’d expect to find such irrationality is inside a church.”
Over the next three months, Joe’s revenge against Tom manifests itself in five ways:
*Joe lets scores of people know – both directly and through his minions – that Tom should no longer be the pastor at New Life. Joe details Tom’s inadequacies for anyone who will listen, including veiled swipes at his age. As news spreads through the church underground, people add their own grievances against Pastor Tom to Joe’s list. Some people start saying that if Tom doesn’t leave, they will.
*The church board absorbs Joe’s complaints against Tom and calls a special meeting to deal with the conflict. Since nobody on the board has a clue how to handle matters, the easy way out is to dismiss Tom, even though he isn’t guilty of any major offense. Because the board lacks any impeachable offense, they decide to justify their actions by “gunnysacking” Tom – listing as many faults and petty offenses against him as they can create in a single meeting. They come up with seventeen reasons why Tom must leave but make a pact they won’t tell Tom anything.
*Keeping Joe informed at every turn, the board then ambushes Pastor Tom at their next regular meeting and informs him that he has a choice of resigning (with a small severance package) or being fired (without a severance package). When Pastor Tom asks for the charges against him to be read, the board declines. When Tom pleads for them to let him defend himself, they refuse. The charges against Tom are merely a smokescreen for personal hatred. When Tom becomes upset, they add that to their list.
*Pastor Tom resigns and receives a three-month severance package. However, he’s told he must (a) clear out his office (and all his books) in two days; (b) turn in his keys immediately afterward; (c) never set foot on the church campus again; (d) not discuss his dismissal with anyone or his severance will be curtailed; (e) cut off all contact with everyone at the church.
*After Tom’s resignation is read to the congregation, Joe and his minions want to make sure that Tom’s supporters (at least 95% of the congregation) won’t cause any future trouble, so they spread rumors that (a) he was having an affair; (b) he was using drugs; and (c) he had trouble in previous churches that never came to light. Several of Joe’s supporters also call the local district office and exaggerate the charges against him to make sure that no church in the denomination ever hires him again. The district minister complies.
Some quick observations:
First, this whole situation was handled politically, not spiritually.
When revenge is involved, church politics rule. It’s all about maximizing power … counting noses … denying the pastor due process … and checkmating him personally and professionally. It may not look or sound like revenge, but it is. Where’s the Bible in all this?
Second, the church board wimped out.
Had I been on New Life’s board, I would have recommended that Pastor Joe be confronted for challenging Pastor Tom’s authority. If he wouldn’t repent, I would recommend his dismissal instead. Tom didn’t do anything wrong; Joe did. And it’s far easier to get a new associate than a new lead pastor. But the board went with the squeaky wheel rather than any semblance of fairness or righteousness.
Third, the church lacked a predetermined process for handling complaints against the pastor.
Every church needs such a process. It automatically kicks in whenever dirt starts being thrown at the pastor. Because church boards often operate politically, I believe that another group in the church needs to monitor this process: a CRG (Conflict Resolution Group). It’s not their job to make decisions about a pastor’s future. It’s their job to make sure that the board and the church treat the pastor fairly: according to Scripture, the church’s governing documents, and the law. And if the CRG’s directives aren’t followed, the entire board should be asked to resign rather than the lead pastor.
Fourth, treating Pastor Tom badly will come back and bite the church … hard.
Yes, people will leave the church, even if they never find out the details surrounding Tom’s departure. But more than this: unless Pastor Joe and the complying board members repent, do you really believe that God is going to bless New Life Church in the future? If so, you and I worship a different God.
Finally, God seeks redemption for His leaders, not revenge.
Allow me a personal word. When I left my last church ministry nearly seven years ago, the entire church board resigned because they initiated a coup that failed. They wrote and signed a resignation letter that was cruel and demeaning and intended to provide me with the maximum amount of pain. (I have read it only three times.) They obviously were upset with me about some issues, but they never sat down and talked with me about them. Instead, they concocted a plan designed to checkmate me at every turn, and when their plan backfired, they left enraged.
There was never any attempt at restoration or redemption. It was all about retribution and revenge.
Several weeks ago, I found out that two couples from my former church who had been friends for forty years severed their friendship over the way I was treated. One couple bought into the gunnysacking charges the board made against me, while the other couple – which never heard from me directly – defended me to the hilt based on the pettiness of the charges themselves. While this new information made me sad, I thought to myself, “This is what happens when people seek revenge against their pastor.”
When church leaders hear complaints about their pastor, they have two options:
First, they can lovingly bring the charges to their pastor’s attention, let him face his accusers, ask him for explanations, and remain open to his staying. That’s redemptive.
Second, they can angrily spread charges behind the pastor’s back, refuse to let him face his accusers, insure that he’s not permitted any kind of defense, and remain determined to get rid of him. That’s revenge.
We all know these verses, but they’re a good reminder during such times:
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil…. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written, ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord…. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:17,19,21).
What are your thoughts on what I have written?
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