Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Lying in the Church

October 2, 2013 by Jim Meyer

I’ve had it up to here with all the lying.

In fact, it’s getting to the point where I don’t know who to believe anymore.

Allow me to explain.

I’m currently reading a biography of a famous sports figure.  This superstar had an agent who had represented him for 8 years.  When the superstar wondered how hard the agent was working on his behalf, the agent spent an entire day with his client, spreading mounds of relevant documents on the dining room table.  At the end of the evening, the superstar hugged his agent.

Not long afterwards, the superstar fired his agent … and then began to “spread the word that he was an ineffective, immoral, pathetic, snake of a man.”

One by one, nearly all of the agent’s famous clients dropped him.  With his reputation in tatters, the agent’s career was finished.  He eventually lost his home, sold most of his possessions, and contemplated suicide.

All because of a lie.

Lies are powerful things.  For some reason, people are quick to believe bad news about someone …  especially someone in a position of power.

CEOs, executives, and leaders of all types are routinely lied about … and that includes pastors.  You wouldn’t believe the lies that have been told about me … or maybe you would.

But aren’t God’s people to be purveyors of truth?  Isn’t Jesus our Lord the One who said, “The truth shall set you free?”

Yes and yes.

But when a major conflict invades a church, some people start lying.  Peter Steinke, in his book Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, writes that when a conflict “regresses to a forceful competition,” then:

“Lying increases, taking many forms – half-truths, withholding information, inflating statistics and bloating claims, fabricating events, releasing publicly that [which] was to be private, double talk, and false attributions.”

But why would any Christian lie?

To get their way.  To win a conflict.  To defeat their opponents.

But isn’t lying wrong for a Christian?

Yes.  The ninth commandment (“You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor”) stands for all time.  Since God does not lie (Titus 1:2), and 1 Peter 2:22 reminds us that Jesus never lied (“He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth”), God’s people are expected to be people of truth – even if the rest of the world lies.

But in all too many cases … when Christians want to win and make somebody else lose … they resort to lying.

I’ll give you an example.  I know a man who pastored a large church.  Some conflict began to surface inside his congregation.  This pastor told me that a woman wrote a letter to everyone in the church stating that the pastor did not believe several essential doctrines of the Christian faith.  The woman’s statement was 100% false, but the pastor ended up resigning … and a Christian leader (whose judgment I trust) told me that this pastor is among the best Christian leaders in his part of the country.

But he never pastored a church again.

While God cannot lie, Satan routinely lies.  In Jesus’ words, the devil is “a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44).  The very phrase “devil” means “slanderer.”  It’s Satan’s nature to lie.

When truth permeates a congregation, God prevails.  But when lying becomes prevalent, Satan prevails.

Let me make a strong statement: when people in a church lie to get rid of their pastor, they are inviting Satan to take control of their church.

Such people no longer trust God because they no longer trust truth.  They can’t push out their pastor unless they lie about him … so they lie … and unfortunately, all too often, the lies work.

Why?  Because Christians are naïve and gullible?

Maybe.  But the main reason that Christians believe lies is because they are unwilling to check and see whether the statements about the pastor are true or false.

Let’s say that I attend First Church and that after a year, I become a member.

One day, I hear a rumor from a friend that the pastor has stolen church funds, and has used those funds to build an expensive cabin in the mountains.

What should I do with that information?

I should not instantly believe the rumor.  Instead, I need to ask some questions:

*I need to ask my friend, “Who did you hear this from?  How reliable is the source?”  I need to be skeptical at this point.  There may be another agenda at work.

*I need to contact both a board member and a staff member and tell them, “I’ve heard this rumor about the pastor.  What light can you shed on this for me?”

*I need to contact the pastor and say, “There’s a rumor going around that you’ve stolen church funds and have used those funds to build a cabin.  Is this true?”

If I just take my friend’s word for it, then my friend controls me.  If my friend leaves the church over the rumor, then I may contemplate leaving.  If my friend jumps on the “push out the pastor” bandwagon, I will be tempted to do the same.

So I need to gather facts from others as well.  Even if my friend seems credible, I need to contact several church leaders – as well as the pastor – to find out if the rumor is true.

Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”

You can’t believe the first thing … or the first person … that you hear.  Why not?

Because you may be believing a lie.

If Satan assigned ten big liars to every church, but every Christian checked out the veracity of the lies before believing anything, the liars would all leave in disgrace.

But if all the liars have to do is float a lie … and it’s instantly believed … then Satan wins, and at least in that church, Jesus temporarily loses.

Seymour Hersh is a famous (liberal) journalist who laments the fact that government officials and journalists in America continually tell lies.  In a recent interview, Hersh said, “The republic’s in trouble, we lie about everything, lying has become the staple.”  We live in a culture full of lies, and sometimes it’s hard to know who’s telling the truth.

I don’t like to be lied to, and I will never support any politician – of any party – who lies to me.  Lying may work in the short-term, but it erodes trust over time.  But we almost expect politicians to lie, don’t we?

But God expects that His people will be people of truth … even when there’s a conflict involving a pastor.

Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us that there are seven things that God hates, including “a lying tongue,” “a false witness who pours out lies,” and “a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.”

Did you catch that?  God hates lying and division among His people.  Do we hate lying like He does?

Sometimes I wonder.

Nearly 40 years ago, I knew someone who served on the staff of a church.  From all indications, he seemed to be a good man.

This staff member wanted to get rid of someone in the church that he didn’t like.  Sadly, the staff member resorted to lying to get his way.

When the pastor did some investigating, he called the staff member into his office … asked him some questions … and caught the staff member in a lie.

The pastor said to him, “You know what to do.”

The staff member instantly resigned.

That’s the way we used to handle lies in the church.  There was always a price to pay.

But today?  In all too many cases, when professing Christians lie to remove someone … especially a pastor … from office, nothing happens to the liars.

And in almost every case where an innocent pastor is forced to resign, you can trace the campaign against him back to Christians who lied about their pastor.

If we’re going to advance the kingdom of God in our generation, Jesus’ church needs to be characterized by truth.  We need to adopt a zero tolerance policy about lying … especially about pastors.

And if we catch people lying about pastors … because the consequences of such lies can be catastrophic for the church’s future and the pastor’s career … we’ve got to come down hard on the liars.  They need to repent … even in front of the entire church … if we want God’s blessing.

But if we coddle the liars … and make excuses for them … and let them into key leadership positions … God help us.

Years ago, I decided that I want 5 words to summarize my ministry: HE TOLD US THE TRUTH.

May every follower of Jesus have that same desire.  As Paul writes in Ephesians 4:25: “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

Not two bodies … one.

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Pastoral Termination | Tagged , , , | 19 Comments »

Correcting a Pastor Graciously

September 25, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Today marks another milestone for this blog: my 300th article.  By the end of the day, I should reach 50,000 total views as well.

If this is your first visit, or we’re old friends, thanks for reading.  And rest assured: there are enough topics floating through my brain for at least 300 more articles!

As I sometimes do, I thought I’d share my views today in the form of a story …

____________________

Pastor Ryan was frustrated.  The church he led – Redeemer Community Church – was not going well, at least in his mind.  Attendance was down 5% for the year … giving was down 7% … and several key families had recently left the church.

For the past 4 years, Redeemer Community had grown steadily under Pastor Ryan’s leadership.  But the church seemed to have hit a wall, and Ryan wanted to knock that wall down.

Ryan was especially impatient with the elders, the church’s governing board … and at the last board meeting, he let them know how he felt in no uncertain terms.  Ryan was a bit surprised by how angry he became, and he was sure that the board members were equally surprised by his sudden outburst.  Ordinarily, Ryan would have contacted each of them and apologized, but for some reason, he put the idea out of his head.

Fortunately, Jack, the chairman of the elders, was a mature believer both spiritually and emotionally.  While Jack did debrief with several board members after the meeting, he didn’t overreact to Ryan’s outburst.  Jack figured that Ryan acted out of character because something else was bothering him.  Rather than reprimand him publicly at the next meeting, Jack decided to take a different approach.

So Jack invited Ryan out to breakfast.  After they engaged in small talk, Jack said to Ryan, “I was concerned about the emotions you expressed at our last board meeting.  You didn’t seem like yourself.  I want you to know that I love and respect you as both my pastor and my friend.  So I’d like to ask you … is everything all right?”

Ryan appreciated the invitation to share.  He was embarrassed about the way he had expressed himself at the board meeting.  So the first thing he did was apologize for his outburst.

Jack let Ryan know that he forgave him and that he wouldn’t bring up the matter again.  Ryan then asked Jack, “What would be the best way for me to apologize to the other board members?”

Jack suggested that Ryan bring up the matter right before the board prayed at the next meeting.  Jack assured Ryan that the others valued him as pastor and were more concerned for his welfare than that Ryan had somehow offended them.

Ryan felt relieved.  He had been worrying that the board might severely reprimand him for his outburst … or even discuss firing him.  But Jack’s attitude made him feel like a new man.

Jack told his pastor, “You have done so much good since you’ve been here.  The church has grown.  People have come to Christ.  I’ve seen spiritual breakthroughs in people’s lives, and you’re largely responsible for that.  I believe your best days in this church are ahead of you.”  Ryan felt a surge of energy flow through his spirit.  How he longed to hear someone … anyone … affirm his ministry.

Jack continued, “But Ryan, I need to tell you that several elders were a bit shaken by your outburst the other night.  We don’t want to work for you, and we don’t want you to work for us.  I want us to work together.  The way you acted made me wonder if you want us to work for you.  Am I seeing things right?”

Ryan said, “No, Jack, I don’t want the board to work for me.  I sincerely want to work with the elders.  Because I meet with the elders only monthly, sometimes I forget my place.”

Jack responded, “It’s good to hear you say that.  We’re not here to hamstring you.  We’re here to work alongside you … to be your cheerleaders and protectors … and to help you get things done at our church.”

Ryan said, “Thanks, Jack … that means a lot to me.”

And then Jack asked a question that Ryan had been hoping somebody would ask him: “How are you doing … really?”

Ryan started to cry and asked, “Do you know how long it’s been since someone asked me that?”  Ryan felt that people only valued him as a pastor.  He longed for someone to value him as a person.

Ryan began, “The downturn in attendance and giving has created some fear in me.  I’m afraid that the board or a group in the church is going to blame me for those numbers and that I’m going to be fired.  I really don’t know if my fears are rational or irrational.  Can you help me out?”

Jack assured Ryan, “I don’t judge a pastor’s ministry solely by numbers.  While we’d all like to see attendance and giving steadily increasing, I’ve been around long enough to know that every church has seasons where things aren’t quite jelling.  Personally, I don’t think our music is really reaching the majority of our congregation and that we may need a new worship director.  I also think that you need to finish your study in 2 Chronicles on Sundays because while that book might interest you, most people mentally checked out long ago.  And I think our small group ministry needs some tweaking.  But those are all solvable problems.  If you’re willing to discuss them at the next meeting, I can assure you the rest of the board will be receptive.”

Ryan couldn’t believe how supportive Jack was.  He then asked Jack, “Would it be all right if I told you something else?”

Jack countered, “Of course, Ryan.  Your personal well-being directly impacts the well-being of our church family.”

Ryan searched for the right words and said, “I’m struggling with exhaustion right now.  I don’t want to hear people’s problems.  In fact, sometimes I don’t want to be around people at all.  I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I’ve been afraid that if I tell the board, no one will understand and I’ll be subject to removal.”  Ryan nervously waited for Jack’s response.

Jack wasn’t fazed.  He said, “Ryan, I can tell that you’re not yourself.  I think you need to take some time off.  I don’t know what’s wrong with you or how much time you’ll need, but let me offer several thoughts.”  Ryan listened attentively.

Jack said, “First, I think you need to see a Christian counselor, at least for several sessions.  Whatever your insurance doesn’t pay, the church will pick up.  After all, if the way you’re feeling is church-related, then it may be an occupational hazard.  We want to invest in your long-term mental and emotional health.  Then once we have a diagnosis from the counselor, we’ll know how to proceed.  If you’re suffering from stress, maybe you just need two or three weeks away.  If you’re suffering from burnout, the recuperation period may be longer, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  But I do know this: only a healthy pastor can lead a healthy church.”

Ryan couldn’t believe his ears.  He had been living under the impression that if he ever shared how he really felt with the “board chairman” … or any board member … that they would take steps to dismiss him.  But Jack seemed to understand that Ryan was a human being … a fallible human being …  and that knowledge began to heal Ryan on the inside.

Pastor Ryan apologized to the elders at the next meeting.  They instantly forgave him and even hugged him, being quite aware of their own weaknesses.  When Ryan became frustrated at one point in the meeting, he calmed his spirit, stated honestly but kindly how he felt, and the board understood and heard his view.

Ryan visited a Christian counselor, who told Ryan that he was in the beginning stages of burnout.  The counselor recommended that Ryan take 4-6 weeks off and work on some issues in his life.  Jack and the board assured Ryan of their support and that his job would be waiting for him when he returned.

Ryan returned from his time away with a renewed desire to serve a church that reflected the gospel in the way they treated their pastor.  Yes, Ryan was human.  No, he could never be perfect.  But the gospel message isn’t for non-humans or infallible people.  It’s for those who admit that they need God’s grace.  And having once received it, they’re eager to pass that grace onto others.  Too often, pastors preach grace but experience law from their church and its leaders.  But when pastors receive grace, they extend grace … and when they extend grace, they receive even more grace.

Having experienced God’s grace from his own church family, Pastor Ryan slowly began to feel more energized.  He led better … preached better … and made better decisions.  The church came out of their temporary slump and continued to grow in numbers … and in grace.

All because the church board dealt with their pastor graciously rather than harshly.

May their tribe increase!

Posted in Burnout and Depression in Ministry, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Please Comment! | 10 Comments »

Stay Out of It!

September 20, 2013 by Jim Meyer

The Los Angeles Dodgers beat the Arizona Diamondbacks last night to clinch the National League Western Division championship.

I grew up a Dodger fan but switched loyalties when my son was old enough to follow baseball.  We lived in an area where we could watch the Giants play.

As a Giants’ fan, I have some strong opinions about the Dodgers.  I especially have strong feelings about Dodger players celebrating in the pool beyond the right field fence in Phoenix last night.

But I choose to keep those feelings to myself.

I almost posted them on Facebook today, but decided to congratulate the Blue Crew instead.  I almost commented on a Yahoo story written about the pool incident, but chose to pull back.

Several times during the course of a week, somebody makes a comment on Facebook, or expresses strong feelings in an online article, and I want to share my two cents worth.

On occasion, I do just that, especially if I have the opportunity to speak out for biblical morality or against Christian persecution.

But you have no idea how many times I write a comment but then choose not to publish it … or how many times I want to write something but tell myself:

“Stay out of it!”

While Jesus was speaking to a crowd one time, a man called out, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me” (Luke 12:13).

Jesus did not follow up with a question.  He did not ask the man to come forward.  In fact, we don’t know how Jesus felt about the issue because He replied:

“Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?”

In essence, Jesus was saying, “You can’t pull me into your conflict.  I’m staying out of this one.”

Jesus was much wiser than we are sometimes.

Imagine that a friend of yours calls tonight and says that their marriage is on the rocks.  After listening to their pain, you ask a few questions for clarification.

Should you automatically take the side of your friend?  What if you know their spouse?

You weren’t asked to be a marriage counselor or a divorce attorney.  Your friend is asking for your support and probably your prayers.

But if they try and pull you over to their side, do your best to resist … at least until you’ve heard the other side and know the larger picture.

In the same way, I’m saddened by all the conflict in churches today … especially when Christians – who should know better – quickly side with their friends against their pastor.

What if their friends are wrong?

What if their friends obtained information secondhand?

What if their friends are exaggerating the issues?

What if their friends are part of a faction that is trying to take over the church?

What if their friends don’t really know what’s going on?

When you don’t know all the facts … even if your friends try and convince you to take their side … I encourage you to follow Jesus’ example and say:

“I’m going to stay out of it!”

_________________________________________

This is the 299th article I’ve written on my blog.  I’m also less than 500 views away from reaching 50,000 total.

If you’re a regular reader, thank you!  If you’re just visiting, I invite you to return.

If you have any ideas for my 300th article, please share them in the comments section.  Thanks!

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Hidden Side of Pastoral Termination

September 18, 2013 by Jim Meyer

You’re sitting in church one Sunday morning.  At the end of your pastor’s message, he sadly states that he has an announcement to make.

He’s resigning as pastor of your church.

Listen carefully.  If the pastor doesn’t mention what his next job is – or if he’s retiring – chances are that he was forced to resign, either by the church board or by a powerful faction in the church.

But why?

Is it because the attendance and finances have been sliding downward?

Possibly.

Is it because he’s secretly guilty of moral failure?

Could be.

Is it because the board believes your church needs a new pastor for its next phase?

Maybe.

But if you could trace the problem back to its source … in far too many cases … you would discover a startling fact.

The pastor said or did something that ticked off just one person in your church.

It could be a board member … or a staff member … or a key leader … or the wife of someone prominent in your congregation.

But no matter how hard you try, you might never be able to find out who that person is … or what they’re really angry about.

Why not?

Because that person will do their best to cover their tracks.

Why not just say, “The pastor personally offended me, so I want him to leave our fellowship?”

But how does that last phrase sound?  Petty?  Unspiritual?  Selfish?

Yes on all counts.

So the offended party (called Mr. Perpetrator throughout this article) will not tell others that the pastor has personally offended them.  That would make Mr. Perpetrator look bad.

Instead, Mr. Perpetrator will start doing three things:

First, he starts to build a case against the pastor.

Mr. Perpetrator starts privately knocking the pastor’s preaching: “The pastor isn’t feeding us … he doesn’t preach enough against sin … he isn’t relevant … he’s not biblical enough … he’s too intellectual … he preaches too long.”

Of course, the pastor’s preaching was good enough for several – if not many – years, but now it’s bad because Mr. Perpetrator doesn’t want to hear the pastor’s preaching because he’s angry with the pastor.

Mr. Perpetrator starts privately knocking the pastor’s leadership: “I don’t like our direction … the pastor needs to emphasize prayer more … we could be taking in more money … and I know others who agree with me.”

Of course, you’ll never learn the names of those who agree with him because they’re probably his family members and good friends.

Mr. Perpetrator starts privately knocking the pastor’s personality: “The pastor is too loud … he’s not sensitive enough … he seems moody … he’s far too quiet … he needs to be more aggressive.”

Of course, when the pastor starts to sense that Mr. Perpetrator is against him, the pastor will act differently around him than around his supporters.

How long does this case-building phase last?

I once heard a Christian psychiatrist – who had counseled hundreds of pastors and their wives who had been forced to leave a church – say that it takes Mr. Perpetrator about a year to gain the required number of supporters – usually only 7 to 10.

By using false accusations, and repeating them over and over again, that one year time frame can quickly be condensed.

And the whole time, the pastor has no idea what’s going on.

Second, he begins gathering a list of the pastor’s offenses.

If the pastor is guilty of a major offense like heresy, doing something illegal (like embezzling funds), or sexual immorality, church leaders have all the ammunition they need for termination.

But according to Alan Klaas (quoted in Gary Pinion’s book Crushed: The Perilous Side of Ministry), when a pastor is forced to leave a church, only 7% of the time is it due to his personal misconduct.

So 93% of the time, a pastor doesn’t resign because he’s done something morally or spiritually impeachable.

No, he resigns because of The List.

Mr. Perpetrator sends out feelers and begins to compile a list of grievances that people have against the pastor.  Anything goes.

And once the list is compiled and put on paper, the pastor will be arrested, tried, judged, and sentenced without his knowledge … or without being able to mount any kind of a defense … and the congregation has no idea this is happening.

A former pastor recently told me why he left his last ministry.  The small list of charges included the fact that two years before … at a social event … the pastor walked by a woman and bumped her accidentally.

For two years, nobody said anything to the pastor about this alleged offense.  For two years.

But when Mr. Perpetrator wanted to get rid of the pastor, this petty act was turned into a charge.

The pastor didn’t know anything about this incident and couldn’t recall it happening.  He had no idea he had offended this woman.

And when the charge was made, the pastor asked if he could present a defense … but it was already too late.  Mr. Perpetrator just went on to the next petty charge.

This scenario is replicated in church after church.

And the whole time, the pastor has no idea what’s going on.

Finally, he recommends that the pastor be dismissed.

The recommendation nearly always has to go to the governing board of the church: the deacons, the elders, the church council … whatever it’s called.

So Mr. Perpetrator chooses his moment carefully.

He makes his recommendation when he’s positive he has enough board support … or when the pastor catches wind of the plot … or right before the new budget goes to a vote … or when the pastor is on vacation.

If Mr. Perpetrator does his job, he almost always wins board support.

(I will never understand this, but it’s true.  Board members rarely stand up for their pastor even if they know he’s innocent.  If I was a board member, I’d make the plot public and force the board to resign.  Politics aside, I’d rather stand beside a spiritual pastor than an unspiritual board.)

Why does he win support?  Because nearly every time in church life, personal friendships trump biblical principles.

The board then assigns someone to draw up a letter of resignation.  Board members discuss how much, if any, severance to give the pastor.

Since he’s already gone in their mind, they usually vote to give him as little as possible, regardless of the needs of his family.

Then they choose when they’ll inform the pastor of their decision and whether he’ll ever get to preach again in that church.

And the whole time, the pastor has no idea what’s going on.

I recently shared a meal with a pastor who went through this experience.  One minute, he was the senior pastor of a church.  Then the board called him into a meeting, and 15 minutes later, he had been fired … and wasn’t allowed to bring a final message.  He and his wife … through choked tears … were only permitted to say goodbye to the church they loved.

That’s all the congregation saw.  The pastor and his wife … crying … and saying goodbye.

So the congregation focuses on the pastor … and his motives for leaving … and what he might have done wrong … and why he chose to abandon them.

The church family has no idea that Mr. Perpetrator has been building a case against their pastor … collecting grievances against him … and finally recommending his dismissal.

And to make sure that no one ever finds out, Mr. Perpetrator retreats to the shadows … lays low … and acts completely innocent.

Just like a ten-year-old kid.  Who, me?

But if Mr. Perpetrator was really a man, he would have sat down with the pastor – if and when the pastor first offended him – and worked things out with him.

Just like an authentic, spiritually mature man.

But because they can’t see inside the heart of Mr. Perpetrator, few people will ever know what he did and how he did it … except one.

As Hebrews 10:31 reminds us:

It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. 

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination | Tagged , | 2 Comments »

Four Reasons Why Pastoring is Rough

September 11, 2013 by Jim Meyer

When I was in seminary, my pastor told me, “I feel sorry for people in your generation who become pastors.  You’re going to have to face a lot of issues that many of us pastors never had to face.”

After 36 years in church ministry, I’m pretty sure that I’ll never pastor again.  Even though I have the requisite training, experience, skills, and knowledge, I don’t know if my emotions could handle the rigors of pastoring anymore.

Why is pastoring so rough?

First, pastors always have to be “on.”

A pastor has to be careful with every email he writes … every phone call he makes … every joke he tells … and every conversation he has.  If he lets his guard down for one minute, he may say or do something stupid … and some people will use that against him in the future.

While Christians are fond of saying that we’re “not perfect, just forgiven,” most people expect their pastor to be perfect … and pastors instinctively absorb that expectation.

I recently had a conversation with a pastor who had once been verbally attacked.  He shared some of the complaints against him.  You would not believe how petty they were.  Nobody could stand that kind of scrutiny.

Pastors don’t just have to be “on” when they’re in the pulpit.  They have to be “on” when they’re in the men’s room at church … when they’re driving out of the church parking lot … when they’re answering the phone at home on a Saturday night … and when they’re attending a social event anywhere.

In fact, pastors get so used to being “on” that at times, it’s difficult for them to hit the “off” switch and just relax … and without knowing it, they can easily burn out.

I once heard Chuck Swindoll tell a roomful of pastors that churches that require their pastors to be out too many nights eventually lose them.  And yet, when I was a pastor, evenings were the only time when I could meet with a small group … meet with the programming/worship team … attend board meetings … attend men’s ministry meetings … and on and on.  While I wasn’t driven, I felt like I was shirking my responsibilities if I wasn’t working at least three nights a week.

What’s the solution?  Let your pastor be a person before he’s anything else.  Realize that he has his limits … that he gets weary and tired and frustrated … and no matter how energetic he seems, he can’t always be “on.”

Of course, neither can you.

Second, pastors have few confidants.

During my first pastorate, I was asked to be a guest speaker several times in other venues, and they all went well.  Eventually, I was asked to speak for a district men’s rally … kind of a big deal.

It just so happened that our daughter Sarah decided to enter the world that morning.  I remember working on my talk while trying to assist my wife in the hospital.

When I got up to speak to those 80 men … I couldn’t speak.  I had a great talk prepared, but I had trouble delivering it.  Looking back, it was probably “stage fright.”

I bombed so badly that nobody asked me to do guest speaking for years.

When I went home that evening – my wife was in the hospital – I needed to talk to somebody about what happened to me.  I was in bad shape emotionally.

But who could I contact?

*I couldn’t be vulnerable with anyone from church because they wouldn’t have understood.

*I couldn’t speak with my wife because she was dealing with her own pain.

*I couldn’t call a Christian counselor because I didn’t know any.

*I couldn’t call most of my old friends because they wouldn’t have understood, either.

I finally called a friend who was a pastor, and he gave me lots of time … as he always has.

But this is a recurring problem for pastors.  When a pastor has a major problem, who can he confide in?

The solution?  Most pastors need a pastor … and preferably several pastors … because there are times when a pastor needs someone to listen to him … to accept him … to understand him … and to assure him that no matter how he feels today, he’ll eventually feel better.

And if the pastor makes his wife his only pastor, she may not be able to handle the strain.

Third, pastors are never done working.

There’s always one more person to call … one more parishioner in the hospital to visit … one more letter to write … and one more sermon to review.

And if you’re a perfectionist, things can take twice as long … and you feel guilty about the work you haven’t finished.

The smaller the church, the more access that churchgoers expect to have with their pastor.  Some want the pastor to be their personal buddy.

The larger the church, the longer that TO DO list gets.  Growth can become a monster.

During my last pastorate, I took Fridays off.  But invariably, I didn’t finish my message … or my outline … until almost noon that day, even though I worked on my message at home all day on Thursdays.  My wife would say, “Just finish!  You need to stop!”  But sometimes I needed another story … or to research one last thing … or I felt I could make a point a little better … and I couldn’t stop until I felt good about that message.

Some members do expect their pastor to work superhuman hours.  Every time they drive by the church, they expect to see the pastor’s car there … and if they don’t, they assume the pastor is goofing off somewhere.

Some pastors internalize the ridiculous expectations of these critics and tell themselves, “I may not be the best preacher or leader, but maybe I can prove my worth by overworking.”

I once heard Christian author/counselor Norm Wright say that anybody who works more than 60 hours a week is crazy.  By that measure, many pastors are certifiably insane.

Solution?  The church board needs to tell the pastor, “Here’s what we expect you to do … and not to do.  And if we see you exceeding your limits, we’re going to love you enough to call you on it and insist that you take care of yourself.”

Sometimes I was aching for even one board member to tell me that.

Finally, pastors are haunted by their critics.

I’m currently watching a series of DVDs presented by two experienced church consultants.

One of them told his class, “I don’t know that I’d like to pastor a church again.”  After pastoring three churches in his younger days, he went on to become a seminary professor.

The second consultant stated, “The meanest people I ever met didn’t hold a candle to people I’ve met in the church.”  He said that the attacks of church members against pastors often become personal, nasty, and mean.

It doesn’t take many critics to bother a pastor.  It only takes one.

In his biography Moon River and Me, the late singer Andy Williams recounts a conversation he once had with comedian Bill Cosby.  Cosby was performing in a venue where everyone seemed to love his act … except one guy in the front row who wouldn’t laugh at anything Cosby said.  Williams encouraged Cosby to forget about that individual, but Cosby said that he couldn’t.

I know the feeling all too well.

I’ve been criticized for growing a beard (30 years ago) … for not making my toddler son sit through church services … for wearing a suit … for not wearing a suit … for using the word “guts” in a sermon … for letting drums into the church … for letting women into leadership positions … for not being profound … for being too deep … for not preaching John 3:16 every Sunday (I’m not kidding) … for not giving altar calls (even though they’re never found in Scripture) … for not being Chuck Smith or Chuck Swindoll … for not leading forcefully enough … for leading too strongly … and on and on and on.

Give me five minutes, and I can recall ten more criticisms … because like most pastors, I remember the complaints far more than the compliments.

And although pastors learn to shrug off many criticisms, the cumulative effect begins to wear them down after a while.  They start being guarded … isolating themselves … staying away from people … and barking at those who do criticize them … even if they mean well.

Solution?  Test the criticisms with a trusted confidant.

Last winter, my wife and I flew back east and visited a church that was considering me as an interim pastor.  Much of our time went well, and we met some wonderful people there … but some people did and said things that were insensitive, and on the drive back to the airport, we decided we couldn’t do church ministry anymore.

The latest statistics are that 70% of seminary graduates are quitting ministry before their fifth-year anniversary.  It’s rare to hear anymore about a pastor who has completed 30 or 40 years of ministry.

If you’re a church leader or a church goer, pray for your pastor … and let him know that.  Encourage your pastor … verbally and in writing.  Accept your pastor … for his weaknesses and his strengths.

And remember: public ministry can be so difficult that Jesus only did it for 3 years.

Posted in Burnout and Depression in Ministry, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Please Comment! | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments »

Deifying and Crucifying Pastors

September 4, 2013 by Jim Meyer

There’s an old saying among pastors that the person from the search team that picks up the pastor from the airport will be among the first individuals to turn against him.

That saying certainly proved true in my first pastorate.

The person who met me at the airport was also chairman of the deacons.  (I’ll call him Dave.)  The board – which functioned as the search team – made their way through a pile of resumes.

Mine was the final one.

I was 27 and Dave was 74.  At first, our 47-year age difference didn’t seem to matter.  We went to ballgames together.  We visited the rescue mission regularly.  I visited him and his sick wife on multiple occasions.

At first, I could do no wrong in his eyes.  Dave loved me as a person.  He was proud to call me his pastor.

But several years later, I couldn’t do anything right … and Dave attacked me with every bullet in his arsenal.

Why does this deifying/crucifying dynamic occur in churches?  Let me offer a few ideas.

First, the candidating process can never fully reveal a pastor’s character or values.

When I first met the deacons, I emphasized what we had in common.  We agreed doctrinally.

Looking back, that was about it.

We didn’t agree on the use of music during worship … or leader qualifications … or the use of Christian liberty … or how to reach younger couples for Christ.

And that was my charter: to reach younger couples.

To be charitable, the board was legalistic … and rigid … and resisted innovation.

But we didn’t discuss those issues.  As I recall, we spent our time together discussing theology and practical ministry matters.

This is just my theory, but I believe that pastoral candidates and search teams assume that they agree on any issues they haven’t yet discussed.

But the truth is that we didn’t agree on most issues.

I knew who they were because I knew lots of Christians just like them … but I don’t think they knew who I was because they didn’t know many pastors my age.

My wife and I were scrutinized for about 30 hours when we first visited that church … and that wasn’t nearly enough time for the leaders to know me.

So when I came to the church, they knew Public Jim … and only came to know Private Jim over time.

But when this happens … as it does in every church … there are always people who are convinced that the pastor fooled them … and want him gone for that reason.

But that’s not really the case.  They just didn’t have enough time with the pastor to know him personally … and pastors, like most people, are complex individuals.

Second, some people become surprised when the pastor doesn’t agree with them on certain matters.

Dave wanted me to give altar calls at both services on Sundays.  I resisted.  (I wrote my Master’s thesis on the altar call.)

Fred – a second board member – was a closet charismatic.  We didn’t agree on the role of the Holy Spirit in the church.

Bruce – a third board member and former pastor – became angry with me if I stated a theological truth in language he wasn’t used to.

And John – the final board member – perused the notes in his Scofield Bible whenever I taught.  (He literally had his head down during most of the sermon.)

Both Bruce and John became visibly angry with me at different times during the midweek Bible study.  Bruce got up one time, walked out of the room, and slammed the door.  John became red-faced another time when I mentioned that God sometimes hides His face from us.

Dave didn’t like any innovations … Fred would never tell me when he was upset … Bruce was angry all the time … and John was as rigid a legalist as I have ever met.

I inherited a group of leaders who had fired their previous pastor.  These were not easy people to please.  It was just a matter of time before they came after me.

Third, we disagreed on how to reach people for Christ.

I came to the church in 1981.  I wanted to bring the worship services into the 1980s, but they wanted their services to go back to the 1950s.

Dave was the song leader – and he waved his hands as he led.  The piano player was a prima donna who loved to show off her abilities.

They sang “Victory in Jesus” about once every two weeks.

And before my first Sunday night service, a guest “musician” showed up unannounced and played – I am not kidding – the musical saw.

I was sick inside.  But they loved it.

And they loved it every time he came … unannounced … and sang the same songs and told the same stories.

I was sensitive enough not to criticize the way they did things.  But every time I tried something new, I’d get criticized for it.

One time, we served a flat loaf of bread for communion.  Dave came to me the next week and claimed that many people told him it was “unsanitary.”

Because I was a young pastor, I was successful at reaching some younger families.  But when the groups achieved parity, the pioneers started complaining that the younger people didn’t attend all three services … dressed too casually … liked weird music … and on and on.

Like most churches, those leaders didn’t want to reach people for Jesus.  They wanted to live in a Christian cocoon to keep the world out instead of penetrating the world for Christ.

And I was the one who most threatened their cocoon.

Finally, many churchgoers aren’t used to a strong pastor.

I believe that most Christians want a pastor who is (a) strong in the pulpit, but (b) weak in private.

If you can preach well, you’ll be deified.

But you better be flexible in private as well or you’ll be crucified.

The people liked my preaching.  An older woman – a former missionary – used to stop me at the door and tell me that my preaching was “clear.”  Even John once told me that I was the best preacher in the whole area.  (While that was nice to hear, I knew it wasn’t true.)

But I was a man of conviction in private.

One time, two board members came to my house on a Saturday night.  I climbed into their car so they could confront me with some issues.  They made their case.  I refused to budge … and I’d handle things the same way today.

I’m a theologian.  Name a church issue, and I’ll give you biblical and theological reasons why I hold the position I do.

If I can flex, I will.  But if you ask me to do something that violates my conscience, I won’t do it.

On several occasions, board members asked me to do things I could not do.  I could tell they weren’t happy with me when I refused.

In fact, Fred and his wife quietly left the church.  He did the right thing.

And just as we were ready to become polarized, a sister church invited us to merge with them … and three of my board members wanted me to be the new pastor.

But after the merger, they all left.

John and his wife left abruptly and never returned.

Dave made multiple charges against me to the new church board.  (The real issue was that Dave was too old to lead worship music anymore.)  The board backed me to the hilt, which caused Dave to leave the church angrily.  The next time I saw him, Dave was lying in a coffin … but his wife did ask that I conduct his funeral.

And then there was Bruce.  In his late sixties, Bruce wanted to get back into pastoral ministry, but as a double divorcee, nobody showed any interest in him.  He finally assisted in leading his Bible class out of the church.  I think he hoped he would become the pastor of the renegade group … but they wanted somebody else.

To their credit, Fred and John left the church relatively peacefully.  They may have been disillusioned with their pastor, but they didn’t attack me as they left.

But Dave and Bruce left loudly and insinuated that I should be removed … but they both left instead because they knew they lacked the support to push me out.

We find a great example of the deify/crucify phenomenon in Acts 14.

Paul and Barnabas visited Lystra and healed a man who was lame from birth.  The crowd declared that the Dynamic Duo were really gods: Barnabas was Zeus, while Paul was Hermes.

Paul and Barnabas rightly resisted being worshiped, stating, “We too are only men, human like you.”  And then they pointed the crowd upward to God Himself.

But the crowd still tried to deify them.  Dr. Luke writes, “Even with these words, they had difficulty keeping the crowd from sacrificing to them” (Acts 14:18).

But how quickly things can change.

In the very next verse, we’re told that some Jews from Antioch and Iconium came to Lystra “and won the crowd over.”  And then they stoned Paul outside the city and left him for dead.

One moment, the crowd acted like God’s leaders were divine.  The next moment, they wanted one of them dead.

I cannot understand the mindset of Christians – especially leaders – who choose to gang up against a pastor who is innocent of biblically impeachable offenses.

Like Fred and John, it’s better to leave a church than it is to try and push out a pastor.

To what extent have you witnessed this deifying/crucifying dynamic in churches?

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Personal Stories | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments »

Five Verses for When You Hit the Wall

August 28, 2013 by Jim Meyer

There have been times in my life – and ministry – when I hit a wall and did not know what to do next.

I stared at the wall.  It was high.  It was deep.  It was solid.  It was thick.

And it looked impenetrable.

There was no way to go over the wall … or under it … or around it … or even through it.

But I tried.  I really tried.

I slammed the wall with my shoulder … and ended up howling in pain.

I backed up and ran hard at the wall … and the wall won.

I looked for something to carry me over the wall … but nothing surfaced.

I tried to dig my way under the wall … but the wall seemed to descend forever.

For all intents and purposes, I was trapped … and I hate feeling trapped because I prize options.

During many of those feeling trapped times, the Lord came and ministered to me through a single verse of Scripture.

Let me briefly share five of those incidents as a way of encouraging you:

*My first pastorate was very difficult.  I was 27 and the average age of the congregation was 60.  We met in a school cafeteria.  The church was filled with quirky Christians.  On a good Sunday, 50 people showed up.  After the board and I unanimously agreed to a tough decision one night, they quickly reversed themselves, and I was left standing all by myself.

I was afraid that I was going to be fired.

And then our church received notice that our city would be bulldozing down the school where we met so a developer could construct condominiums … and our congregation had nowhere to go.

I stood and stared at the wall.

One day, I read 1 Peter 5 … a chapter that has always encouraged me.  Peter writes in verse 10:

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 

I was suffering all right … more than I ever had in nearly ten years of church ministry.  And yet God promised that the suffering would be temporary and that He would make me “strong, firm and steadfast” through it all.

And He did.

*My second pastorate was even worse.  A sister church five miles away invited our group to merge with their congregation.  Our group said they would come on one condition: that I became the pastor.

I did not want to be a bargaining chip.

After doing some research, I learned that Merger Math usually goes like this: 1+1=1.

Truth be told, I didn’t want to pastor the merged church.  I wanted out.  I went to my district minister and asked him, “Please help me find somewhere else to go.”

He tried, but there wasn’t much of a market for a 29-year-old pastor who served a church of 50 people.

I stood and stared at the wall … again.

Then I read and preached on 2 Chronicles 20.  Three invading armies attacked Jerusalem unprovoked.  King Jehoshaphat proclaimed a time of public fasting and prayer.  The people ended their prayer with these words: “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.”

Then Jahaziel addressed his king and his people in verse 15:

“This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God’s.'”

If you know the story, the people marched toward a hill overlooking the place where all their enemies convened.  The people began to sing and praise God, not knowing what to expect ahead.

But the Lord was working behind the scenes … and when the people of Judah reached the lookout point … their enemies were all dead, having killed each other.

When the deadline came for me to make a decision, I signed the contract to become the new church’s new pastor, remembering that “the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

*That ministry did well at first.  We even had 140 people one Sunday.  But the two groups that came together were incompatible both philosophically and personally.

A church of 80 plus a church of 50 should have resulted in a church of 130+.

Instead, Merger Math prevailed, and after 18 months, we were rapidly plunging toward 80.

And as the attendance and giving went south, I blamed myself for the merger’s failure.  I became depressed and withdrawn, not knowing what to do.

I had hit a wall once more.

Galatians 6:9 pulled me through:

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

I wanted to give up.  But God had clearly called me to that church, so I tried to re-channel my energies.  Even though I couldn’t see the way ahead, I chose to believe that my ministry would “reap a harvest” … not at a time of my choosing, but “at the proper time” … a season of God’s choosing.

*Over the next few years, I gave the church my best leadership.  We revised the church constitution and bylaws … remodeled the worship center … reviewed the entire ministry … revitalized our worship service … and renewed our walks with Christ.

We were happier, but we didn’t grow.  I tried everything I knew, and nothing worked.

It felt like the wall was winning.

Feeling frustrated and desperate, I began to use the Lord’s prayer as a guide to prayer every morning.  I paid particular attention to Matthew 6:10:

“Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

I told the Lord, “I see five options for my future.”  And every day, I’d pray through the options.  I told the Lord the option I preferred, but left the final call up to Him … and He chose the option I least expected!

In fact, it’s an option that most pastors and churches rarely entertain.

*Our leaders decided to sell our church property and start a new church with a new name in a new location.

We were an unlikely bunch to pull this off … and some people told us that.

Although God led us through the entire project, it was slow going at times.  And when the planning commission turned down our request for an occupancy permit, a prominent Christian leader predicted that our goose was cooked.

Once again, I had hit a wall … and it was the tallest, thickest, and widest wall of them all.

Somebody didn’t want our church to exist … somebody in the spirit realm.  During that time, I leaned heavily upon Paul’s words in Ephesians 6:13:

Therefore, pull on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Up to this time in my ministry, I had only experienced opposition from inside churches … but now our opposition came from outside the church in the form of that nitpicking planning commission.

But our church called a day of prayer and fasting … appealed to the city council … and won a 7-0 vote!

It took us 30 months to hire staff … sell the property … find a light industrial building … obtain an occupancy permit … and construct a worship center.  And due to the slowness of construction, we had 7 different dates for our grand opening … continually revising dates because things weren’t yet finished.

But on November 8, 1992 – one of the great days of my life – 311 people showed up for our first public service.

Over the next 5 years, we led many people to Christ and baptized 100 new Christians, becoming the second largest Protestant church in our city.

In fact, years later, Dr. Gary McIntosh asked me to write a chapter about our adventure in his book Make Room for the Boom … or Bust!

By God’s grace, I didn’t give up, and at the proper time, He finally supplied a harvest.

Now I’m in a different season of life.  Although I’ve learned a lot about the Lord’s ways over the years, I still hit walls now and then.

In fact, it feels like my wife and I have just hit another wall in our lives.

Rather than panic, we have to remember what the Lord has done for us in the past.  As Joshua told Israel in Joshua 23:14:

“You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed.  Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.”

I may fail the Lord at times, but He never fails.  Throughout my life and ministry, He has come through … not when I wanted Him to, or how I wanted Him to … but when and how He saw fit.

You may be standing in front of a giant wall right now.  You feel like you’re trapped.

What should you do?

I’ve found it helpful to ask God to give me a verse from His Word, and to live out that verse, trusting that He will eventually break down any barrier.

As Psalm 18:29 says:

With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.

Posted in Personal Stories, Please Comment! | Tagged , , | 6 Comments »

Four Fears of Pastors

August 21, 2013 by Jim Meyer

“Broken before God … bold before men.”  That’s how former pastor and author Warren Wiersbe once described the ideal demeanor of a pastor.

But when pastors have time to reflect upon their emotional condition, they may admit … if only to themselves … that they have some all-too-human fears.

Paul the apostle certainly did:

For when we came into Macedonia, this body of ours had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn – conflicts on the outside, fears within.  2 Corinthians 7:5

In a moment of candor, Paul admits that he and his travelling party had some fears.  Paul was waiting to hear from Titus how the church in Corinth was doing, and especially how the Corinthian believers viewed Paul.

If the greatest of all the apostles admitted to having occasional internal fears, then certainly his successors can admit they have some as well.

What are some fears that a pastor might have?

First, pastors fear church stats heading south.  Several years ago, I had lunch with a former megachurch pastor and author.  For more than two decades, everything this man did inside his church turned to gold.

But one day, he realized that people weren’t listening to him like they used to do.  In fact, attendance began taking a dive.  Nothing he tried worked anymore.  It was painful for him to admit that his ministry wasn’t the success it once was.  And he realized inside his spirit that it was time for him to resign.

He was treated well by the church’s governing leaders.  They were grateful for his successful work over the years and gave him a separation package that reflected their appreciation.

But here’s the scary part: the pastor never saw the drop in attendance coming.  He assumed that since attendance had always gone up in the past, it would continue to rise in the future.

A drop in attendance isn’t always the fault of the pastor.  Sometimes it’s due to a resistant community … or a less-than-competent staff … or governing leaders who are risk averse … or dozens of other factors.

But pastors can easily personalize those empty seats and blame themselves for them … even while they are preaching the Word of God.

When I was a pastor, I sat in the front row of the worship center with my back to the congregation before I preached.  I usually wasn’t aware of the attendance until I stood on the stage.  Sometimes, I’d expect a sparse crowd, and the place would be packed.  Other times, I’d hope for a packed house and the place would be sparse.

Most pastors know that if there are too many Sundays with sparse attendance, someone is going to suggest that the church needs a new pastor … and that prospect frightens most pastors … because pastors cannot control attendance by themselves.

Second, pastors fear people leaving the church.  If a family visited our church for a couple of Sundays, and they didn’t return, I didn’t lose any sleep.  And if I heard that a family on the fringe was visiting another church, that was okay with me.

But I didn’t want to lose anyone who attended our church on a regular basis.

In my second pastorate, a single woman and her son attended our small church.  Since she liked to sing, we provided opportunities for her to use her gift.

But one day, I noticed that she and her son had been missing for several weeks.  The right thing to do was to call her and see how she was doing … but I didn’t want to make that call.

Why not?  Because I had a feeling that I already knew what she was going to say … and I was right: “We’re visiting other churches.”

The only time I’ve ever seen Rick Warren cry is when he told several thousand pastors how much pain he feels when people leave Saddleback Church.

My guess is that whenever people leave a church, the pastor views their departure as a personal failure.

Jesus lost Judas.  Paul lost Demas.  God the Father has watched millions of His sons and daughters walk away from their faith.  The best leaders lose adherents.

But when that happens, pastors often kick themselves and say, “If I was only a better preacher … a better leader … a better listener … a better counselor … we could have kept that family.”

And there are usually others around who want to kick the pastor because the ones who left are their friends.

But pastors have an even greater fear when a family leaves: they’re afraid that one family might entice others to leave … resulting in a mass exodus that could cripple attendance and giving.

Third, pastors fear false accusations.  Paul sounds a bit defensive in 2 Corinthians 7:2 when he writes, “Make room for us in your hearts.  We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have exploited no one.”

There were people in and around the Corinthian Church who were claiming that Paul was not a true apostle.  They were hurling half-truths and exaggerations in Paul’s direction to discredit his ministry.

And when you read 2 Corinthians … as I often do … you can feel Paul’s pain as he writes.  In fact, unfounded accusations have wounded me more than anything else I’ve experienced in 36 years of church ministry.

I once completed a personal assessment on my fitness to be involved in a particular ministry.  I was taken aback by a statement that went like this: “I am willing to be a scapegoat for the local church.”

Did you catch that?  Even before being hired, the assumption was made that any given pastor might end up being accused by churchgoers of things he didn’t do.

When I worked for McDonald’s 40+ years ago, various crew members were called into meetings to take polygraphs.  They were usually asked if they had stolen money or if they knew anyone who had stolen money.  During my two years there, I was never asked to take a polygraph even once.  Even then, I had a reputation for honesty.

I had that same reputation among my peers … and in my neighborhood … and at the church I attended.  When I became a youth pastor, that reputation remained intact.

But when I became a pastor, I was accused of various kinds of wrongdoing on occasion, even though nobody had ever accused me of those kinds of things before.

And after I left my last ministry, I was accused of all kinds of wrongdoing even though my accusers had not spoken with me face-to-face … and still haven’t.  (Why bother?  They accomplished their goal.)

I’m not alone among spiritual leaders in being falsely accused of sins never committed.  Here’s what I read in my quiet time today from Luke 23:1-2 (from The Message):

Then they all took Jesus to Pilate and began to bring up charges against him.  They said, ‘We found this man undermining our law and order, forbidding taxes to be paid to Caesar, setting himself up as Messiah-King.”

If they lied about the perfect Savior, then they’ll lie about His imperfect servants.

Finally, pastors fear forced termination.  The latest statistics – gleaned from my colleague Dr. Charles Chandler – are that 28% of all pastors have experienced a forced termination, and 46% of those pastors never return to church ministry.  Charles claims that 1,600 pastors leave church ministry every month … most through forced termination.

When a pastor is told, “Either resign or you’ll be fired,” how often is the dismissal process underground, and how often is it above ground?

While I don’t have any definite statistics to share with you, I think I’m safe in assuming that at least 90% of the time, the dismissal process is underground.

For the pastor, this means that you’re constantly walking on eggshells.  Every sermon you preach … every conversation you have … every board meeting you attend … every denominational event you don’t attend … can provide ammunition for those who may want to get rid of you someday.

You try to live for Jesus … and be filled with His Spirit … and be kind to everyone … but if you slip up just once, you’ll see a Pharisee writing down your offense in a little black book.

And if the Pharisees ever find each other … which they inevitably do … they’ll pool your offenses and recommend your dismissal to the powers-that-be.

And in our day, most pastors who are forcibly terminated aren’t just removed from their church … they’re removed from church ministry altogether.

Most pastors will not admit their fears to their congregations.  They will not admit their fears to their boards or staffs.  They may not even admit their fears to their pastor friends … or their wives.

But when they’re alone … and when they’re pouring out their hearts before God … pastors do have fears … just like Paul admitted in a candid moment.

What is one thing you can do this week to alleviate your pastor from fear?

Do it.

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Foolishness of Secret Meetings

August 14, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Have you ever attended a “secret meeting” at your church?

I have … on at least three occasions.  On each occasion, I as senior pastor met with the church board to discuss disturbing allegations that had come to light about staff members.

So what I’m about to write about does not primarily apply to officially called meetings of a church’s governing board … unless the board violates Scripture, church bylaws, and the gospel.

But have you ever had a group call a secret meeting about you?

Yes.  I know of one definite secret meeting where I as pastor was the topic of conversation, although there have probably been others that I’ve never found out about.

During my second pastorate, a former board member (I’ll call him Bert) resisted changes that the church board and I had implemented in our worship service.  Bert and his wife left the church and began attending elsewhere, but a year later – invited back by a few disgruntled individuals – he returned.

And right after Bert’s return, someone called a secret meeting.  I was the unwilling focus of discussion.

The first attempt at meeting secretly didn’t work.  A board member – who supported me 100% – showed up at the meeting unannounced.  The meeting was quickly cancelled.  (Secret meetings are no longer fun when they’re no longer secret.)

But the second meeting came off successfully.  I was later told that 17 people attended the meeting.  (That was better attendance than we sometimes had for midweek Bible study.)

Guess who became group spokesman?  That’s right … my good friend Bert.

The group sat in a room and listed every sin … every offense … and every thing they didn’t like about me … my wife … my 9-year-old son … and my 6-year-old daughter.

They came up with quite a list.  If they had only shown the list to me, maybe I could have repented of those sins and experienced instant sanctification.

But they didn’t show me the list … they wanted to show the list to the church board.

Fortunately, those 17 people couldn’t keep their mouths shut, and someone tipped me off to their tactics.  The Secret Meeting Coalition wanted to meet with the church board to confess all my personal and professional sins.

So the following Saturday morning, I called a meeting with the church board in my office.  First, I needed an answer to a crucial question:

“How do you feel about what the SMC is doing?  Do you agree with them?”

The board assured me – to a man – that they stood behind me 100%.  In fact, they said that if I resigned, they would all quit as well … which would place the church squarely in the hands of the SMC.  Not good.

I then offered two suggestions:

“How about if two of you meet with two of their representatives?”

That evened the playing field … opened up the chance for dialogue … removed a lot of emotion from the meeting … and provided the best chance for me to be treated fairly.  The board made this suggestion to the SMC, and they agreed to it.

“Rather than letting them read their whole list of charges against me, why don’t you answer each charge as it’s being made?”

The board thought that was an excellent idea, and that’s what they did.

After the two groups met, I was informed of the charges against me and my family.  Mercifully, I can only remember a handful of them.

For example, I was accused of not reprimanding a woman in the church who wore her dresses too short … and the SMC was right about that.  (Besides the fact that this woman’s marriage was falling apart, I never thought it was my place as a pastor to ever tell specific women how to dress.)

The SMC also brought up that my wife’s slip was showing one Sunday.  (But if it bothered somebody so much, why didn’t they love my wife enough to speak with her directly instead of telling 16 other people about it?)

Every single criticism was precisely that petty.  (If I had been guilty of just one major offense, they wouldn’t have had to manufacture miniscule offenses.)

After the two board members answered every single criticism, the SMC probably held several more secret meetings.  They eventually left the church en masse, formed a new church in a school one mile away, and used our church as their sole mission field.

Let me make five observations about secret meetings in churches:

First, secret meetings are not found anywhere in the NT.

Secret meetings are spiritually dysfunctional … relationally damaging … highly political … and psychologically unhealthy.  The secrecy itself says far more about group members than it does about anyone the group is focused on.

Peter Steinke, in his brilliant book Healthy Congregations: A Systems Approach, states: “When we are anxious … we are imprecise, vague, covert, less transparent.  We operate in darkness.  Secrecy is a deadly virus.  Undetected, it can do untold damage, lasting for years.  How can a congregation be a healthy community if it lives in darkness, keeps skeletons in the closet, and allows destructive disease processes to continue?”

Second, secret meetings are an unbiblical way to handle people’s grievances. 

If someone was upset with me or my wife personally – according to Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15 – they should have spoken with us directly, not about us to others.  If they didn’t like the answer they received from us, they could have proceeded to bring in witnesses as Jesus specifies in Matthew 18:16.  And if they were still unhappy about our personal conduct, they could have used the process Paul specified for correcting pastors in 1 Timothy 5:19-21.

But how was listing my faults and sharing them with board members going to help me to become a better person and pastor?

If someone was upset about a church policy – like changes in the worship service – they could have spoken with any board member because we had all agreed on the changes together.  If they didn’t like the answer they received from a board member, they had two options: stay and submit to church leadership, or leave the church peacefully.  A secret meeting was not going to resolve any of their concerns.

But when people pool their grievances, they automatically become divisive.  Joe is upset with the pastor for Offense A … and now Madge is upset with the pastor for Offense A as well.  She takes Joe’s side … carries his offense … adds a few of her own … and the whole group falls right into the trap that one author calls The Bait of Satan.

Division in a church begins when people begin to pool their grievances.

Third, secret meetings tend to overfocus on one person – usually the pastor.

These meetings are specifically arranged to find a scapegoat for the unresolved anxiety experienced by some group members.  “We’re feeling uncomfortable right now, so let’s blame how we feel on the pastor – and if we can make a case against him, we’ll all feel ecstatic very soon.”

But the church would have been in far better shape spiritually if those who had met to hypercriticize their pastor met instead to confess their sins … read Scripture together … pray for church leaders … and engage in a service project for somebody else.  But for some reason, they never found the time to do that.

Fourth, secret meetings reveal the immaturity of participants.

Let me quote Peter Steinke once again: “Secret meetings are not arranged for the welfare of the whole community, nor are they dialogical in nature…. Secrets support immaturity.  Underground murmurers in a community are usually insecure, dependent, and childish people.”

Why is this?  Because participants in secret meetings do not feel strong enough to share how they feel with their pastor or leaders.  They only feel strong when they meet with fellow malcontents.  But when they do, nobody will challenge them … nobody will disagree with them … and nobody will love them into health.  And when they finally leave the room clinging to a list of somebody else’s faults, they are silently confessing that they don’t know anything about grace or redemption.

Rather than becoming angry with people who resort to secret meetings, we should genuinely feel sorry for them … and if they don’t repent, pray them right out of the church.

Finally, secret meetings consist of ecclesiastical vigilantes.

These people ignore the teachings of Scripture on reconciliation … bypass due process as outlined in church bylaws … and decide to take matters into their own hands.  Their group alone knows what’s best for the church!

That particular group of vigilantes couldn’t make a go of their new church.  They found attracting newcomers was hard going, although I have a feeling that they never figured out why.  Their church eventually disbanded.

And you know what was ironic?  When two of the people in that group died, I was asked to conduct their funerals.

I assumed that everyone in that group hated me, but they didn’t.  Only a couple of people in that group really hated me.

It’s been 25 years since that secret meeting took place.  I’ve learned a lot since then about healthy and unhealthy behavior among Christians.

And one of the things I’ve learned is that many of the secrets that arise out of secret meetings eventually become known.  Nothing stays hidden forever.

And yet tonight … all over this land … Christians will be holding secret meetings … most of them aimed at their pastor.

To quote from an old folk song, “When will they ever learn?”

_______________

Check out my website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find my story and recommended resources on conflict.  I will also be leading 3 seminars addressing church conflict on Saturday, August 17 in Temecula, California.  The details are on the website.  I’d love to have you join us!

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment! | Tagged , , | 9 Comments »

Marriages of the Christian and Famous

August 5, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Have you ever wanted to peak inside the marriage of a well-known Christian pastor, evangelist, or missionary?

That’s the goal of William Petersen’s delightful book, 25 Surprising Marriages: How Great Christians Struggled to Make Their Marriages Work, published by Timothy Press.

In the early 1980s, Petersen published a little paperback called Martin Luther Had a Wife.  The book contained 5 stories of great Christian leaders and their marriages.  Over time, Petersen published 4 similar books (I bought all 5), now compiled into one volume.

I read a few pages of each biography during my quiet time with the Lord, and I have found Petersen’s marital portraits to be encouraging, inspiring, and occasionally disturbing.

Let me share some of the more interesting/disturbing aspects of the first five couples portrayed in the book:

*John Newton was heavily involved in the slave trade from Africa to England before he became a believer.  He was guilty of deserting a ship, having indiscriminate sex with slaves (even raping one woman), and mocking Christ and the gospel.  After he finally came to Christ, he was refused ordination by the Church of England.

Yet he was so head over heels in love with Polly that his life eventually changed.  I can’t imagine anybody in our day waiting as long as John waited for Polly.  As I was reading about their romance, I thought to myself, “This is a far better story than most Chick Flicks in our day.”  He went on to become a small-town pastor, a prominent Christian leader, and the co-author of “Amazing Grace” as well as writing an autobiography, Out of the Depths.

*Dwight Moody was turned down for church membership the first time he applied.  Once an ambitious shoe salesman, he was outspoken, dominant, and impulsive, while his wife Emma was more reserved and yet far better educated.  Some people called him “Crazy Moody.”

Moody became an evangelist, traveled a million miles, preached to 100 million people, and saw 750,000 come to Christ.  He also founded the YMCA and the Moody Bible Institute.  And yet when people were disloyal to her husband, Emma acted like they had committed an unpardonable sin.

*Charles Spurgeon – one of my few Christian heroes – loved to smoke cigars … got gout when he was only 35 years old … and died at a relatively young age.  Saved at 16, he became the pastor of Park Street Chapel in London at 19.  His wife Susie was 3 years older than her husband and frequently corrected his mistakes in language or history.  When Spurgeon went on a preaching tour, they hated to be separated.

Although he lacked polish and refinement (qualities especially important in London at the time), Spurgeon went on to found a college and an orphanage, edit a magazine, write 140 books, and become one of the greatest preachers in history.  His book Lectures to My Students is one of my prized possessions, especially his chapters on depression and handling criticism.

In Spurgeon’s day, the sermons of prominent pastors were reviewed in the newspaper, and Spurgeon’s messages were often dissected in a negative fashion, which greatly wounded him.  He suffered from depression throughout his life, yet maintained a joyful sense of humor.  During one hot spell in London, when Spurgeon’s deacons refused to do anything about cooling down the worship center, Spurgeon took his cane and knocked out every window in the place.  While I wish we had audio or video of Spurgeon’s preaching (that will have to wait for heaven), thank God that his sermons are still in print.  If you’ve never read Spurgeon, you can download some of his books for free for the Kindle.  A master of the English language, there has never been anybody quite like him.

*William Booth was moody and prone to depression.  When he asked that his membership with the Methodist Church be renewed, Booth was turned down.  Unable to find a denomination where they felt at home, Booth and his wife Catherine eventually founded The Salvation Army, probably becoming the greatest husband-wife team in Christian history.

Throughout his lifetime, it was generally conceded that Booth’s wife Catherine was a better preacher than he was.  She also wrote many of her husband’s messages.  (He would request a topic, and she would do the research and writing.)  But sadly, after Catherine died, 6 of their 8 children defected from The Salvation Army.

*Billy Sunday – a famous baseball player in his day (Ty Cobb eventually broke his record for stolen bases) – was a leading evangelist in the late 1800s and early 1900s.  He and his wife Nell served the Lord faithfully for decades.  He consulted with his wife on everything he did.  When the Sundays would enter a town, their goal … get this … was to convert 20% of the people to Christ!  Crowds would line up for 8-10 hours to hear him preach.  It is estimated that 100 million people came to Christ during his ministry.  Sadly, 4 of their children died horrible deaths … their oldest son by suicide.

What have I learned by reading about these marriages?

*It’s much easier to get married in our day.  John Newton had to convince Polly’s parents that he’d be an acceptable partner for their daughter … and the process took years.  Newton asked Polly to marry him 3 times … and she only accepted his third request.  Because they could only write each other letters (no texting or emails back then!), couples sometimes lost contact with each other for months.

*These men depended upon their wives and believed that their counsel was the voice of God to them.  After Polly’s death, John Newton wrote, “She was my pleasing companion, my most affectionate friend, my judicious counselor.  I seldom, if ever, repented of acting according to her advice.  And I seldom acted against it without being convinced by the event that I was wrong.”

*Christian leaders are human beings before they’re anything else.  They are not promised exemptions from mood swings … physical ailments … wayward children … and financial difficulties.  We sometimes think, “If only I was as spiritual as __________, then God would bless my life.”  But even those who appear spiritual in public struggle with their emotions and relationships behind the scenes.

On occasion, I’ll write more about the marriages of famous Christian figures, like C.S and Joy Lewis … Martin and Katie Luther … and Hudson and Maria Taylor.  They both fascinate and encourage me!

 

Posted in Burnout and Depression in Ministry, Current Church Issues, Personal Stories | Tagged , | 2 Comments »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »