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Addressing Anonymous Complaints

February 10, 2012 by Jim Meyer

When I first started going to Costco twenty years ago, it was called Price Club.  Our local Costco was about one mile down the street from our church in Silicon Valley.

Every time I entered that store, I did the same thing: grab a batch of complaint forms.

Was I unhappy about the prices?

No.

The quality of the merchandise?

No.

The attitude of the cashiers?

No.

I couldn’t stand the lines.

And more than that, I didn’t like how the lines wrapped around so that I couldn’t tell where a line started.

Call it Costco chaos.

So I’d fill out the complaint forms while I was standing in line.

I’d write: “You have lots of cash registers.

Can you open more registers?

Can you hire more cashiers?

Can you start an express line?”

I was full of suggestions.

And Costco didn’t implement a single one.

Anonymous complaints are rarely effective, either in a store or in a church.

In my second pastorate, the church had a wooden suggestion box.  People could walk by and drop an anonymous note into the box, hoping it would eventually reach me.

Sometimes those notes sat in there for weeks.

Why didn’t I eagerly pluck them out?

Because that’s now how the body of Christ operates.

All pastors receive anonymous notes.

Sometimes they’re on the back of a response card.

Sometimes they come in the form of a letter.

Sometimes they’re passed on to someone with a name: “Pastor, I know someone who is very unhappy with the music right now.  I’m not at liberty to say who they are, but they’re going to leave the church if things don’t change soon.”

Now how can I answer that complaint?

I don’t know the name of the person who made it.

I don’t know their gender, age, or spiritual maturity.

I don’t know if they’re a regular attendee or a sporadic one.

To me, the complaint is worthless.

And that’s why I instructed the staff of my churches never to read an anonymous note.

If someone sent me a note, but they didn’t sign it, I’d tell the office manager to throw it out, even if it made valid points.

I didn’t even want to hear about it.

In my last church, some people were unhappy with me.

One day, I went to get the mail at home and received a letter without a return address.

For some reason, I knew what was inside.

It was a note addressed to me and demanded that I RESIGN from my position as pastor.

You know what I did?

I laughed.

Of course, I didn’t like having anyone insist that I quit.

That hurt a little … and it was meant to hurt.

But … the person who sent the note was confessing something.

He – or she – was a coward.

And I actually felt sorry for them.

Because if they had revealed their identity, I would have known who sent the note … and their ugliness would have been exposed.

Let me share three quick ideas on how to register a complaint – even at your home church:

First, identify yourself.  Write your name.  Say who you are.  If you won’t take this step, then don’t complain.

Second, list your contact information.  List your email address.  Give your phone number.  Let the person you’re complaining to know how to reach you.

Third, respectfully state your complaint.  Make it brief.  Make it honest.

And don’t make any threats.  If someone threatened to leave the church if I didn’t do what they wanted, I’d say …

Bye!

I have enjoyed Rick Steves’ Travels in Europe TV show on PBS for nearly 17 years.

I have all of his shows on either video (the old ones) or DVD (the newer ones).

I have nearly all his non-guidebooks, along with a healthy number of guides to places like Eastern Europe, Ireland, and Paris.

But a few years ago, I became angry with a position he took on a social issue.

I fired off a quick email to him, figuring it would land on a secretary’s desk where she would tally up the “yes” and “no” votes and pass that info on to him.

But I didn’t expect to receive an email back from Rick himself within a few minutes.

And he wasn’t very happy with my complaint … or the way I voiced it.

I wrote him back and apologized for my hasty words.  I stood up for my position, though, and he wrote back to tell me he’d sought counsel from his pastor on the subject.

The lesson?

If you’re going to complain to someone about something … even the pastor of your church … then let them know:

*who you are

*how they can reach you

*what your complaint is

Because if you do that, you have the best chance to be heard.

Otherwise, why complain?

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Current Church Issues | Tagged , , | Leave a Comment »

Two Minutes with a Childhood Hero

February 6, 2012 by Jim Meyer

Ever wonder what’s it like to be a pastor’s kid?

You grow up sensing that you’re very different from your peers.

You attend Sunday School, Sunday morning worship, the Sunday evening service, and midweek prayer meeting every single week for years.

You aren’t allowed to play in front of your house on Sunday afternoons (and can only play in the backyard quietly).

You’re the only kid you know who doesn’t go to the movies (except for the pastor’s kids two houses down who can’t even watch Shirley Temple movies on television).

You grow up without a color TV – and only obtain one after you get married.

And you don’t play cards, dance, or swear … and learn that smoking and drinking are the top sins that God hates.

While you love your parents and your church, you constantly feel like you don’t belong … and you don’t know anybody famous who is like you.

Until a Yankee named Bobby Richardson came along.

Bobby Richardson was the second baseman for the New York Yankees from 1955-1966.  As a kid, I learned he was also a Christian, just like me.  I first heard his name while collecting baseball cards.

When I was six years old, my parents were visiting friends in Orange, California.  Game 3 of the 1960 World Series was on TV.  I was drawn to baseball even then.

Bobby Richardson came up and hit a grand slam home run down the left field line.  While I was rooting for the Pirates (I have never rooted for the Yankees), I had to admire the little guy with the big bat.  He was named the Most Valuable Player for the Series even though the Yankees lost (thank you, Bill Mazeroski) – the only player ever named MVP for a losing team.

Richardson then played in the World Series for the next four years – winning in 1961 and 1962 – and catching the final out in the seventh game of the ’62 Series off the bat of the Giants’ Willie McCovey.

The second baseman became an All-Star and was known for his fielding prowess and his skill in not striking out.  He only struck out three times in a game once in his whole career – and Sandy Koufax accomplished that feat in the 1963 World Series.

Richardson retired at age 30, the same age as Koufax when he retired.

In 1965, my parents bought me Richardson’s book The Bobby Richardson Story at the Inspiration House at Knott’s Berry Farm.  (They had a Christian bookstore there at the time!)

Richardson infused courage into me when he said, “If you take a stand early, people respect you.”

And his Yankee teammates all did.

Several months ago, my friend Russ told me that Bobby Richardson was going to be speaking at a prayer breakfast in Prescott on January 31.  Did I want to go?  Unsure of my schedule, I finally said yes – and I’m so glad I did.

Bobby Richardson at Prayer Breakfast in Prescott, AZ

Richardson’s stories were great.

He roomed with Tony Kubek (later a famous broadcaster), once singing hymns with him into the night.

His batting average was .299 going into his last game in 1959, and he needed one hit to hit .300 (the mark of a really good hitter).  The pitcher, catcher, and third baseman all sent him word they would help him get that last hit … but he lined a single to right without their help and ended the season at .301.

He told us the inside story of Phil Linz and the famous harmonica incident on the Yankee bus in 1964.  Loved it!

But best of all, he told us about the impact that he had on Mickey Mantle’s life – especially during his last days.

A few days before Mantle’s death in 1995, Bobby Richardson and his wife visited The Mick in the hospital.  Through a series of events, Mantle received Jesus and quoted John 3:16 to Richardson as evidence of his new faith.

Mickey Mantle also asked Bobby Richardson to conduct his funeral service.

After the prayer breakfast was over, people wanted to meet the speaker and get his autograph.

Richardson After the Prayer Breakfast

Richardson wisely set up a table in the lobby.  There was no charge for his signature.  My friend Russ, who invited me, asked Richardson to sign a copy of his book …

Russ and Bobby Richardson

… along with a baseball card I brought along for the occasion.

Richardson Signing a Baseball Card

When it was my turn, I just wanted a photo with Bobby.  Afterwards, I told him how much he meant to me as a kid because he was a Christian … and very few players acknowledged their faith publicly back then.

He told me that things had changed so much that when the Yankees won the pennant in the late 1990s, 18 of the 25 players were believers.  (Makes it harder to hate the Yankees!)

When I told him that I’d seen his grand slam on TV in the 1960 Series, Richardson held out his hand and shook mine.  He told me that he was supposed to bunt in that situation.  After he hit the homer, manager Casey Stengel told him in the dugout, “Nice bunt!”

Richardson played a big role in Baseball Chapel, so I asked him about Gary Carter, the believer and Hall of Fame catcher who is battling multiple brain tumors.  (Carter played a leadership role in Baseball Chapel years ago).  Richardson said he wasn’t doing too well and needed our prayers.

I’ve met players like Ted Williams, Joe DiMaggio, Jackie Robinson, Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, Hank Aaron, Roberto Clemente, Sandy Koufax, and Nolan Ryan.  I’ve had conversations with guys like Duke Snider, Don Sutton, and Richie Allen, and had the privilege of sitting next to Alvin Dark at a banquet years ago.

But I’ve never met a kinder ex-player than Bobby Richardson.  He was everything I hoped he’d be and more.

Thank you, Bobby, for giving this kid a Christian role model decades before Tim Tebow came along.

Bobby Richardson and a Longtime Fan

Posted in Personal Stories | 2 Comments »

Clashing Expectations for Pastors

February 1, 2012 by Jim Meyer

“I am appalled at what is required of me.  I am supposed to move from sick-bed to administrative meeting, to planning, to supervising, to counseling, to praying, to trouble-shooting, to budgeting, to audio systems, to meditation, to worship preparation, to newsletter, to staff problems, to mission projects, to conflict management, to community leadership, to study, to funerals, to weddings, to preaching.

I am supposed to be ‘in charge’ but not too in charge, administrative executive, sensitive pastor, skillful counselor, public speaker, spiritual guide, politically savvy, intellectually sophisticated.

And I am expected to be superior or at least first rate, in all of them.

I am not supposed to be depressed, discouraged, cynical, angry, and hurt.  I am supposed to be up-beat, positive, strong, willing, available.

Right now I am not filling any of those expectations very well.  And I am tired.”

Those are the actual words of a pastor as quoted in the book Pastors at Risk by my friend Chuck Wickman – and I can relate to every one of them.

One of the major problems in church ministry today is clashing expectations.  The pastor believes that God has called him to carry out one set of tasks, while everybody else expects him to meet their own preferences.

When I was a pastor, I’d feel this most keenly on Thursdays.

Thursday was the day I wrote my message for Sunday.  To me, it was the most important thing I did all week.

Because I can’t write a message on a laptop at Starbuck’s like some pastors, I needed total peace and quiet to hear God’s voice, which meant I had to write my message at home.

I’d work hard on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday to clear out my calendar so that I had no distractions on Thursday.  I’d work until 9:00 pm and almost always get up early on Friday (my day off) and finish the message by noon.  I had to finish the message before I could put together an outline, which needed to be in the office that morning.

But invariably, there would be an emergency on Thursday.

The most frequent interruption was that someone would be rushed to the hospital.

Now I loved the pastoring part of being a pastor.  I wanted to visit that person and pray with them.

But it normally took one hour to 90 minutes for me to drive to the hospital, visit the patient, and then return home.

And I’d have a war within.

I’d wonder: “If I visit them, when will I finish my message?  Will I have to stay up until midnight to recoup the lost time?”

The answer was usually “yes.”  Or if not midnight, then I’d get up at 5:00 am the next day to make up the time.

But I’d wonder, “If I go to the hospital, am I putting the needs of one person/family ahead of the rest of the church?  If I visit the person, is it okay if my message on Sunday is mediocre?”

But if somebody went into the hospital on Monday, I’d visit them right away.  I wasn’t conflicted at all.

But Thursdays?  That was study time.

I also had internal conflicts over things I liked and didn’t like doing.

I loved studying, teaching/preaching, programming team meetings, staff meetings, and counseling.

I tolerated administration and board meetings.

But I hated editing the church newsletter.  Couldn’t stand it.  And I didn’t want to do it.  I could ask someone else to edit it for spelling and syntax, but I had to read it for content.  (I kept putting it off, though.)

I felt the same way about the program/bulletin.

But every piece that a church gives out to the public has to be perfect.  If you want to attract high-caliber people, you can’t put out something with misspellings and run-on sentences.

And people may judge the pastor on the way that church marketing pieces look as well – so I did them.

I also strongly disliked home visitation – even if I liked the person I was going to visit.

If someone wanted to meet me in my church office, that worked for me.

If we could have lunch together, that was fine.

But to go to someone’s home … that’s always been tough for me.  While I knew how to do it – and could do it well at times – I was always exhausted afterwards.

So I’d try and avoid it if I could … or ask others to make home visits instead.

But here’s the problem.

As you were reading about my ministry dislikes, did you say to yourself,

“But the pastor should edit the newsletter … and he should visit shut-ins and first-time guests in their homes … and he should visit everyone in the hospital – even if he’s preparing for Sunday.”

That’s why conflicts occur.

But pastors know that if they miss certain ministry areas, someone will complain about them … though not necessarily to them directly.

Since there are an infinite number of things that a pastor could do, it’s better for him to write out a list of what he will do and stick to it.  Then he needs to make sure that everybody knows what’s on that list.

So adjust your expectations for your pastor.  Pray for him daily.  Encourage him as often as you can.  But remember:

No pastor knows everything.

No pastor has infinite abilities.

No pastor can be everywhere at once.

No pastor is God.

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor | 4 Comments »

It’s Never Too Late to Forgive

January 30, 2012 by Jim Meyer

Today’s guest blogger is Chuck Austin.  He has been a pastor for many years and is currently serving as a transitional pastor at a church in San Jose, California.  We were talking on the telephone recently and he told me this unusual story that he witnessed.  I thought you’d enjoy reading it!

I arrived at one church where I served immediately following the dismissal of a pastor.  His dismissal had not been handled correctly and resulted in a great many people becoming unhappy, angry, and quite sad.  Many of the people had become disillusioned with their leadership and some called for all of them to step down.

As I listened and heard both sides of the event, I became convinced that the leadership of the church needed to do something proactive.  I even spoke with one of the men to specifically ask him to consider giving an apology to the church.  I left him alone to pray and to let me know when he reached a decision.  I knew that these men needed to go and visit the pastor who had been dismissed (which they all did over a period of time).

One Sunday, as we were getting ready to celebrate communion, the one I had spoken with came to me and told me that he needed to say something to the congregation – and he told me what it was.  He was quite nervous because he didn’t have any idea of the reaction he would receive.  Needless to say, I was excited about preaching God’s Word that Sunday, but I was also excited about this man taking this courageous step.

He spoke in a quiet voice that Sunday and I already knew that a lot of his biggest critics were sitting in the congregation on that particular day.  Following his statements to the congregation, we celebrated communion followed by a closing song and prayer.

Because the man who made this confession was involved in serving communion, he remained at the front of the auditorium following the service.  Immediately, a line of people lined up to hug this man.  Almost every one of them had taken the time to tell me what they thought of him since my arrival.  Now I watched as they waited patiently to talk to him.

There was no mistaking what was on their hearts: forgiveness.  You could see it in their faces, in their embraces, and in their words.  The mistake had been made and acknowledged and the congregation was there to show its support and love for the integrity the man showed.

Standing on the Word of God and doing what it says should never cause fear in any of us because when we attempt what the Lord has told us to do, He’s there to empower us.

On that particular Sunday, it made me proud to be a pastor, but even more proud to see someone take God’s Word and do the biblical mandate … and demonstrate that it’s never too late to ask for forgiveness.

And it’s never too late for a congregation to respond by forgiving as they themselves have been forgiven by God!

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Pastoral Termination | 2 Comments »

Imperfect Christian Leaders

January 27, 2012 by Jim Meyer

What are great Christian leaders really like behind the scenes?

Let me share a story with you.

When I first got married, I took a full-time job as a church custodian.

On Good Friday, a famous preacher and author – who was also on the radio – came to speak at the church.

The church seated around 400 people.  More than 600 attended that night.  The place was packed.

I stood outside with a friend waiting for the speaker to arrive.  He was late.

When the speaker finally showed up, he was grouchy.

A seminary classmate who was African-American played the piano and sang during the first part of the service.  He was good.  But the speaker wasn’t paying attention.  Sitting on the stage, he began playing with his microphone cord like a jump rope, causing people to laugh.

And then when this famous man began to speak … he started off with a racial joke.

My mouth dropped open.  I was horrified.

And then he gave a great message on Christ’s seven last words from the cross.  People were spellbound.

Every Christian leader has their flaws.  Some are public, some more private.

Charles Spurgeon, the Prince of Preachers, smoked cigars – and said he did it to the glory of God.

The marriage of John Wesley (founder of the Methodists) was an absolute wreck.  (“You wreck me, baby, yeah you break me in two …”)

John Bunyan, author of Pilgrim’s Progress, couldn’t stay out of debtor’s prison.

Yet we consider those men to be great Christian leaders.

But would we today?

A pastor friend recently told me about a famous Christian author whose daughter claimed that she only had a couple of conversations with her father while growing up.  You may have this man’s books.  (I do.)

And another author – a man whose books have helped me immensely – is now divorced.  Based on his writings, he’s the last man I would have expected to undergo that experience.

Rick Warren has issues.  So does Beth Moore … and Erwin McManus … and Max Lucado … and Paul Crouch … (Oh, wait, not Paul Crouch).

I don’t know what their issues are.  Their spouses probably do.  Their staffs might.  But you might never know.

But they have issues, just like anyone else.

Leaders struggle with handling money … and lust … and overeating … and alcohol … and pride … and poor self-esteem …

While a select few sins should disqualify people from leadership, most issues do not.

And because of our frail humanity, it’s a wonder God ever uses anybody, but He does … in spite of our frailties.

Some people are masters at appearing perfect in public.  I have admired some of these individuals greatly.

I practically worshiped one of my professors.  He was smart, funny, passionate, and wise.

Then I had the privilege of having dinner with him and another leader.

My professor was painfully shy, socially awkward, and a poor conversationalist.

But man, could he preach!

It’s okay to have heroes.  We need role models.

But let’s not turn any leader into a god.

Because there’s only one God, and only He is perfect.

And yet for some reason, He only uses imperfect people.

Think about that the next time you’re tempted to rip into a Christian leader.

Posted in Current Church Issues, Personal Stories | Leave a Comment »

Conflicted About Church Music Personnel

January 25, 2012 by Jim Meyer

Pretend you’re the pastor of a new church plant.

You have the funds to hire one part-time staff member.

Who would you hire first?

Some might say, “An office manager.”

But right now, the church office is in your home.  I’d hire her second.

Others might say, “A youth pastor.”

But you don’t yet have any youth, and besides, I’d hire the youth person fifth.

How about a children’s director?

I’d hire him or her (probably her) third.

My first choice?

A worship/music director.

Why?  Because people in our day expect good music on a Sunday.  If the music makes people cringe – even if the message is a home run – many people won’t come back, and they’ll encourage their friends not to attend.

But if the music is great, you’ll start attracting people more rapidly.  Great Music + Great Message = Growing Church

If the Sunday service is all you’ve got when you start, make it as good as possible.

But part-time worship directors are not easy to find.

As a pastor, you want a strong believer in that role, someone who professes what they perform.

That rules out the leader of the neighborhood garage band.

You also want someone who is musically competent, who plays and sings skillfully.

That rules out many church volunteers … and most of them will run when there’s a conflict.

You want someone who can recruit musicians and vocalists, or else it’s going to be a one-man/woman show each week.

Because the more gifted the leader, the higher quality people he/she can attract.

You want someone who gets along with people, because musicians and vocalists tend to be perfectionists.

So you can’t hire a Simon Cowell clone for the job.

And you want someone who performs in the style of your target …

which eliminates Dino and George Beverly Shea (much as I appreciate GBS; Dino is another matter).

And you especially want someone who gets along with you as pastor.

Because if the two of you constantly disagree, guess who’s leaving?

But because you’ve hired a part-timer … they may already have a full-time job, and there’s always the danger their job will intrude on the music ministry or they’ll have to move away.

So let’s say that you as pastor have hired this person, and he begins to recruit others onto the team.

What about the spiritual lives of prospective musicians and vocalists?

Can any be unbelievers?  What about someone guilty of immorality?  What if a gifted guitar player isn’t a team player?  What if someone on the team knows about another person’s sordid past?

Your new worship director may be competent musically, but how strong are their leadership skills?

Because if they can’t handle some of the above situations, they’ll revert to you as pastor … and the sparks will start to fly.

The key to everything is the relationship between the pastor and the worship director.

They must get along both personally and professionally.

They must agree on the kinds of people who can sing and play on the team.

They must agree on the predominant style of music for weekend services.

They must clarify these decisions by putting them in writing.

They must learn to trust and support each other in public, even if they’re negotiating in private.

The music director has to handle these kinds of complaints from team members:

“Why does he get to play a guitar solo on his second Sunday when I’ve been in the band for two years?”

“How can you let her sing onstage when she’s obviously a prima donna?”

“How come I can’t sing on the worship team?  My parents say I have a great voice.”

“Why is he allowed to play on Sunday when he missed rehearsal?  I was there!”

Then there are complaints from people in the congregation:

“The music was way too loud last Sunday.  Can’t you turn it down?”

“I tried but couldn’t make out the words to the performance song, so I thought it was a waste of time.”

“Can we sing more hymns?  The worship songs sound all the same.”

“The dress on the young woman who sang last Sunday was inappropriate for church.  You need to talk to her!”

When I was a pastor, I had people tell me at times, “I wouldn’t want your job for anything.”

That’s how I feel about the job of a worship director.  No wonder some people call music the War Department of the Church.

Everybody wants to look good and sound good, but they may not want to be good and do good.

For that reason, let me make three suggestions:

First, pray for your worship/music director(s) by name on a regular basis.

Second, thank them for their ministry when it really rings the bell for you.  (I emailed a worship director from our church last year to thank the band for doing a U2 song, and he wrote back to thank me.  I meant to do it two Sundays ago when the band performed Did You Hear the Mountains Tremble by Delirious?, but forgot.)

Finally, insist that those who criticize the worship director either (a) go to him directly, (b) stop griping, or (c) go somewhere else.

Being responsible for leading worship is a challenging task and not for the faint of heart.

So let’s cherish those who do a great job … and keep working through the inevitable conflicts.

Posted in Christian Music, Church Conflict, Current Church Issues, Please Comment! | Tagged , , | 1 Comment »

Conflicted About Church Music Styles

January 23, 2012 by Jim Meyer

Which single issue has the greatest potential for conflict in a church?

The amount of a pastor’s salary?

The color of the ladies’ bathroom?

The temperature in the worship center?

How about the style of music played on Sundays?

I don’t know if that’s the big issue now, but it sure used to be.

In one church I served in the late 1970s, the youth planned to put on a musical by John Fischer called The New Covenant.  Based on 2 Corinthians 3, the musical was contemporary but hardly edgy.

One Saturday afternoon, after the youth practiced for the musical, a couple of men walked into the worship center and found a student playing drums.  The men immediately ordered the youth to leave the worship center.  They weren’t going to have drums in their church!

Wow, we’ve really come a long way since then, haven’t we?

Let me share three thoughts about resolving conflict involving church music styles:

First, choose a target group before settling on a music style.  If a congregation is filled with octogenerians who are sensitive to loud sounds, rock isn’t going to work.  But if a church is primarily composed of young families, rock may be the only style that works.

A music style is a language.  Styles are not inherently right or wrong.  While rock was once considered to be rebellious, everyone under 65 has grown up with it as the language of their generation.

When I attended Biola College (now University), someone in student leadership invited The Resurrection Band to play in chapel.  (Their motto was, “Music to wake the dead.”)  The band played uncompromisingly fast and hard.  While it wasn’t my style of music, some students walked out during their performance.  (I can still see the red face of a school administrator during the band’s set.)

There wasn’t anything wrong with Rez Band.  Their style worked great in certain venues.  But did it work that day in chapel?  Rather than foist that style on everyone, it might have been better for the planners to ask, “What kind of music do most of our students listen to?  Knowing that, who should we invite for chapel?”

Rather than start with a band or a style, it’s better to start with the target group and work backwards.

Second, determine a style and stick with it.  Every weekend at my church, I know which musical style to expect.

Rock.

Not classical.  Not jazz.  Not gospel.  Not hip hop.  Not show tunes.  Not folk.

Rock.

I don’t know when Pastor Don and his music leaders made that decision.  It may have been twenty years ago.  I’m sure when they made it, some people left the church.  When Saddleback Church changed their music years ago, Rick Warren said they lost hundreds but gained thousands.

If a church’s leaders don’t settle on one style, then people will lobby for the style they want behind the scenes.  And if that happens, conflict will break out, and it may not be controllable.

The style chosen should not be the pastor’s preference, or that of the worship leader, or the board, or the biggest donors, or the loudest complainers.

Instead, a style should be chosen that best speaks the language of the target group.

That’s not music – that’s missions.

Finally, make provision for those that prefer another style.  The builder generation grew up on gospel songs and hymns sung to piano and organ accompaniment.  When rock came along, it slowly wiped out gospel songs and most hymns.

When this happened, attendees had five choices:

*sit at home on Sundays and stew.

*watch Charles Stanley, Robert Schuller, or the Crouches on TV on Sundays.

*find a church where you liked the music style.

*threaten to stop attending and giving while recalling the board and firing the pastor.

*try and adapt to the style as much as possible.

I don’t like the “take it or leave it” approach.  There is something inherently selfish about it.  If you’ve been attending a church for years, and you love the church and its mission and its people, but you can’t stomach the new music, should you be forced to leave?

I don’t think so.

Imagine that you love rock, but that this Sunday, the worship music is done in a hip hop style.  It’s done that way the next Sunday … and the next … and the next …

You’d probably ask, “Hey, aren’t we switching back to rock on Sundays?”  If the answer was, “No, we’re a hip hop church now,” what would you do?

That’s how many churchgoers felt when hymns were exchanged for rock.

That’s why I’m a big advocate of the multi-venue approach on Sundays.  Everyone hears the same sermon – live or via a DVD – but people can choose the music they prefer from several different styles.

At the very least, a church can offer one or two contemporary services along with a more traditional one.

When people have:

*attended a church faithfully for years

*served the Lord with their gifts

*donated thousands of dollars, and

*prayed consistently for its leaders …

how can church leaders force those people to leave because they don’t like a church’s new musical direction?

Let me suggest a truce:

Church leaders can freely choose the musical style they believe will best reach their target group without interference,

and in exchange,

church leaders make provision for those who don’t like the new music to enjoy their old music in another venue.

Your thoughts?

Posted in Christian Music, Church Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues | 8 Comments »

Conflicted About Church Music

January 20, 2012 by Jim Meyer

I am crazy about music.

In fact, as I’m writing, I’m listening to the aching beauty of Phil Keaggy’s guitar on iTunes.

But I can remember a time in the late 1970s when many Christians would go ballistic if they heard drums or a guitar in a worship service.  In fact, the 1980s featured the infamous “worship wars” in thousands of churches.

In some ways, the worship wars have subsided.  Boomers and their music are dominant in most churches today.  It’s rare to hear exclusive piano-organ instrumentation in services anymore.

But that doesn’t mean that music ministries are conflict-free today.  Far from it.

In fact, I believe there are qualities inherent in music ministry that readily lend themselves to conflict.

Let me share some of them with you:

First, people involved in music ministry want to sing and play perfectly.

I once had a discussion about music with Craig Bidondo, our music director in Santa Clara for three years.  Craig told me that he loved to play jazz on his keyboard because he was free to improvise, but if he played a classical piece, he had to get it note-perfect.

This is why vocalists and musicians rehearse for hours.  They want to present God their best when His people gather together.

But what happens if a backup singer is off-key, or the bass player keeps missing notes, or the sound guy doesn’t get the mix right?

That one person can affect everyone else on the team – and greatly upset the other musicians and singers.

But if they express their concerns, the offender may lash out or feel hurt.

Those of us who aren’t musical performers need to understand the stresses that singers and instrumentalists feel when they’re onstage.  We need to pray for them by name that God will use them to honor Him and touch people’s spirits – and that they will all support each other.

Second, those involved in music ministry want to look good onstage.  Microphones pick up every note played and sung to the congregation.  Lights reveal the various shapes and wardrobes and hairstyles of musicians and singers.

It’s natural for those onstage to want to look and sound their best – and this can make them feel self-conscious.

Those of us in the congregation do notice how people look and sound onstage, especially in churches where everyone up-front appears larger than life on giant video screens.

This magnficiation of people’s appearances and voices can make vocalists and musicians extremely sensitive.

25 years ago, I visited the Oakland Coliseum on a Friday morning to watch a Fantasy Baseball Game involving former members of the A’s.  There were maybe 100 of us in the stands.  At one point, I looked at the scoreboard and saw my face up there – and I was horrified.  If I had known I looked like that … I would have hidden my face between pitches … and I had no appreciable talent.

Christian musicians and singers can feel that way sometimes as well.  Just understand – and encourage them.

Third, the pastor and the music/worship director sometimes aren’t in sync.  This one is huge.

I was on the staff of an Orange County church where the music director was a woman.  She was a gifted accompaniest and vocalist – and I liked her personally – but boy, was she opinionated!  She liked a certain music style and was going to do things her way, and if you didn’t like it – tough.

She rubbed many in the congregation the wrong way.  They in turn constantly complained about her weight and aggressiveness and stylistic preferences.

When the pastor backed her up, she was fine.  But if he caved on her, she was toast.

She didn’t last very long.

My pastor is fond of saying that he doesn’t have to adjust to his staff – his staff have to adjust to him.

I’m in complete agreement with that sentiment.

I believe that the lead pastor and the worship director need to settle on a host of issues, including:

*the predominant style on Sundays

*the number of praise/worship songs

*the number of vocalists/musicians onstage

*the pre-service/post-service music

*a host of other issues

And just in case matters aren’t clear, they should put their decisions in writing.

While the pastor is ultimately responsible for the worship services, the music director is directly responsible for the music.

My preference was for the music director to suggest praise/worship/performance music.  I valued that input.  And if I had a song I wanted done, I would tell him.

I also had the right to veto songs I didn’t think fit, especially sappy songs that men couldn’t sing in church.

The pastor and the music director need to communicate constantly.  The worship director has the right to share his opinions, but he ultimately needs to abide by the wishes of the lead pastor.

And it’s the job of the music director to communicate and gently enforce the pastor’s directives for music to his team.

When the worship director can no longer do so, he needs to make plans to leave rather than use his musicians and vocalists to push back against the pastor.

J. Vernon McGee was fond of saying that when Satan fell from heaven, he fell in the middle of the choir loft.

While there are fewer choirs in our churches today, Satan still knows how to stir up trouble involving music.

But when everyone is working together, the music ministry can lead people into God’s presence and prepare hearts for the preaching of God’s Word.

Any thoughts on what I’ve written?

I’ll share more about music in my next article.

Posted in Christian Music, Church Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues | Tagged , | 2 Comments »

Conflict Lessons from War Horse

January 18, 2012 by Jim Meyer

There’s an inspiring scene in Steven Spielberg’s new film War Horse that sheds light on the conflicts in our lives.

Joey, the war horse, is trapped in barbed wire in No Man’s Land during World War 1.  An English soldier spots him through the mist and boldly leaves his trench to free him.  Holding up a white flag to declare a temporary ceasefire – with his buddies in the trench calling for his return – the soldier reaches Joey but cannot free him alone.

A German soldier emerges from his fortifications to help Joey as well, and he knows how to remove the barbed wire from Joey’s body.  The German secures wire cutters and both men proceed to liberate this extraordinary horse – while keeping a wary eye on the other.

While the enemies work together to free Joey, they illustrate four lessons we can learn about conflict:

First, view combatants as humans.  After working on Joey, both men share their names with each other.  They aren’t faceless persons stuffied into combat fatigues, but real people with hopes and histories.

When fortified inside their own trenches, soldiers on both sides demonized their opponents as threats to be eradicated.  But when they began to work together, they grasped that their enemies weren’t evil spirits, but normal people like themselves.

Second, move toward each other.  As long as both men remained in their trenches, Joey’s life was in danger.  But when the two soldiers took the risk of standing next to each other, they were able to do together what they couldn’t do alone.

When we’re having a conflict with a spouse or a boss or a pastor, it’s human nature to stay hidden in our own trench so we feel safe.  But when we emerge from our safety and stand near our opponent, we open up the possibility for healing.

Third, speak with your combatant.  While working on Joey, the two men discussed the impact the war was having on them.  They knew that after the ceasefire, they’d start lobbing bombs at each other again.  I sensed that if not for the war, these men would have freed Joey and then shared a meal together.  But at least they talked with each other directly.

If Christians just followed Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15, most conflicts between Christians – and inside churches – would instantly die: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”

When in conflict with others, our natural tendency is to move away from them and to tell others about them.  But Jesus says to move toward them and speak to them directly instead.

Finally, people desire peace, not conflict.  During Spielberg’s combat scenes, the soldiers battle their feelings and try to slaughter their opponents, but nobody enjoys war except masochists.  It’s normal to get to know another person.  It’s abnormal to try and kill them.

I’m reminded of Paul’s words in Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  When the two soldiers had liberated Joey, they both claimed him as their own, and could have started their own conflict – but they flipped a coin for him instead.

This scene in this film was so moving that I plan to show it when I teach on conflict.

If you haven’t seen War Horse yet, it’s a film of grandeur and sensitivity.  But be forewarned – there are some real tear-jerking moments.

But I will always remember it because of two soldiers from opposing armies who united together to free a horse.

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Please Comment!, Ten Most Viewed Articles | Leave a Comment »

Happy Valley, Tom Petty, and Reaching Out

January 13, 2012 by Jim Meyer

The church my wife and I attend opened last Sunday’s service with a Tom Petty song.

No, we didn’t sing it as a worship song.  The band performed it.

No, it wasn’t “Free Fallin’,” even though that song mentions Jesus.

No, it wasn’t “Southern Accents,” even though the bridge always moves me.  (“There’s a dream I keep having/where my mama comes to me/ and kneels down over by the window/and says a prayer for me.”)

The song was “Runnin’ Down a Dream,” and it was done well, even down to the “woo hoos.”  (The song went along with the theme “Catch the Vision for 2012.”)

With all the great worship songs out there, why would a church start a service with a song by a secular artist?

It all has to do with having an outreach orientation.

I grew up being taught the following evangelism philosophy:

The church gathers for worship weekly.  Then its people scatter back to their homes, neighborhoods, and workplaces to live out and share the gospel with unbelievers.

How well does that philosophy work?

At least in my experience, not very well.  The latest statistics are that only 2% of all Christians share their faith.  Most churches grow because believers leave smaller/unhealthy churches for a megachurch.

But how is that fulfilling Christ’s Great Commission?

I believe that being an outreach-oriented church isn’t about programming but about a mindset.

That’s why I was blown away by the State of the Church report that our pastor, Don Wilson, shared with our church last Sunday.

Let me share 12 things that Christ’s Church of the Valley (CCV) does well that demonstrates its outreach-orientation.  Please forgive me if it sounds like I’m a pitchman for the church.  The church has its flaws, but it does so many things right that it constantly amazes me.

1. Mission: WIN people to Christ, TRAIN believers to become disciples, SEND disciples to impact the world.

The church’s mission is WIN, TRAIN, SEND.

Notice the order: outreach is first, training is second.  Isn’t this the order of the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19-20?  “Make disciples … baptize them … teach them …”

In my experience, if outreach isn’t first, it won’t happen.

Parking Lot Attendant at CCV

2. Vision: Pastor Don doesn’t just want to win the community around the church for Christ.  He wants to win all of Phoenix for Christ because 86% of the people in Arizona don’t attend church.

That’s a huge vision!

The church is located on Happy Valley Road in northwest Phoenix, but people drive long distances to attend the church, coming from as far away as Surprise and Scottsdale.

A few years ago, CCV planted a church in Surprise.  In 2011, that church became CCV Surprise.  While the church in Surprise has a live worship time, Pastor Don’s messages are shown there on video.  In 2012, CCV will expand into Scottsdale.

3. Target: the church targets men.

If a church targets children, the whole family will come to church 7% of the time.

If a church targets mothers, 18% of the time.

If a church targets fathers, 93% of the time.

This may explain why there are TV monitors in the refreshment areas featuring sporting events every Sunday.  Last year, I watched an NFL playoff game at church while enjoying a hamburger lunch.  There was no reason to hurry home.

The church also offers competitive sports leagues on its campus, including an upcoming tackle football league.

Play Area for Kids at CCV

4. Strategy: the church encourages people to invite their friends, family members, and co-workers.

9% of the people who attend CCV came because they drove by.

9% found the church online.

11% saw the CCV bumper sticker on someone’s car.  (You see them everywhere in Phoenix.)

68% attend because they were invited by someone who already attends the church.

For churchgoers to invite others, their church has to offer people answers and experiences they cannot find anywhere else.

If I’m excited about my church, I will invite others.

Guests I Invited - They Each Get a Free Meal

5. Statistics: I do not believe any church can be measured merely by statistics, but they do tell a story.

Pastor Don said that the church aims to grow in 3 areas by 10% each year.

2010 worship attendance: 15,377 per week

2011 worship attendance: 17,855 per week

CCV Worship Center

2010 baptisms: 1,175

2011 baptisms: 1,539

2010 neighborhood group attendance: 5,711

2011 neighborhood group attendance: 8,158

6. Example: Pastor Don made a point of telling the church that he attends a neighborhood group, he invited neighbors to church, and he and his wife pledged to increase their giving for 2012.

Whenever a pastor challenges believers to do something, those people are wondering, “Are you doing what you’re asking us to do?”  Most people won’t know about a pastor’s involvement unless he shares it himself.

7. Training: CCV has four ways of training people: Starting Point (a once-a-month class orientation class); Foundations (where the church’s beliefs are presented); Neighborhood Groups (which are designed for both spiritual growth and outreach); and T-Groups (the “T” standing for Transformation, groups of 3 people who help each other grow spiritually).

Information Area, Normally Packed at Weekend Services

8. Missions: the church goes on short-term mission trips to places like Kenya, China, and Ireland, where they’re planting a church this year.  Pastor Don also travels to Africa several times a year to train pastors.  The church’s missions’ budget is $2.3 million annually.

Kenya? Did Someone Mention Kenya?

9. Compassion: the church assisted 1,400 families financially in 2011; provides free funerals (including the one for Harmon Killebrew); and has a team of people who assist widows.

Baseball Hall of Famer Frank Robinson after Harmon Killebrew's Funeral at CCV

My wife fell in the parking lot one Sunday morning, and within a couple minutes, a woman in a golf cart picked us up and drove us to the lobby entrance.  We were blown away by the culture of service.

10. Elders: the church has 9 elders, including a friend of ours we highly respect.

3 elders are selected every year.  Their names and brief biographies are placed in the program at the end of each year.  If you think there’s a reason they shouldn’t be an elder, you’re to write down that reason and submit it.

The elders are responsible for the church’s doctrinal purity and financial integrity, as well as praying for the sick and for the pastor before he preaches.

11. Impact: Toward the end of last week’s message, Pastor Don announced that CCV is now the 10th largest church in America, and one of the fastest growing.

And the church will celebrate its 30th anniversary this April.

Line for Christmas Eve Service at CCV

By the way, Pastor Don doesn’t compromise the gospel or any biblical commandments.  He hits the hard issues head-on.

12. Conflict: The more outreach-oriented a church truly is, the less conflict they have.  The more inreach-oriented a church is, the more conflict they have.

It’s possible that I may be leaving Phoenix soon.  If so, the Lord may have wanted me here in part to learn from a church like CCV.

I am not suggesting that your church should become like CCV.  Far from it!  But we can all learn something from other churches, especially those that are effectively winning people to Christ.

May the Lord richly bless you and your church in 2012!

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Health and Conflict, Current Church Issues, Personal Stories, Please Comment! | Tagged , | 2 Comments »

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