Have you ever experienced the horror of knowing that someone was out to get you?
In fifth grade, I had a classmate named Darrell. He had a bat he called Teddy. He brought his bat to school, and Teddy broke while students were playing softball. Darrell was livid.
He needed somebody to blame, so he chose me. To this day, I have no idea why he did that.
Remember how everyone would freeze when the bell rang to end recess? While everyone was frozen, Darrell threatened to beat me up. He said that for every step I took, he was going to hit me twice.
I was faster than Darrell and could have dodged him, but I stood my ground. Darrell charged me and began throwing punches. They hurt.
But just as quickly, some classmates pulled Darrell off me and separated us. I don’t remember if he got in trouble or not, but he never tried harming me again.
My friends had my back.
Life can be tough sometimes. No matter how hard we try and dodge certain people – or issues – there are times when we need to stand our ground. We make a decision. We feel alone. We’re uncertain how our decision will be received.
Will we suffer a strained relationship? Will we lose our job or career? Will someone we care about abandon us?
It’s during these times that we learn who our real friends are.
Due to a conversation I had with a friend recently, I recalled a difficult time in my ministry more than two decades ago.
A group of Darrells gathered together. They were all upset with me about different issues.
One person felt I neglected the Senior Bible class members.
Another person was upset that I didn’t tell the drummer’s wife that she needed to lengthen her dresses.
Someone else had a complaint about my six-year-old daughter.
The group pooled their complaints and drafted someone to be their leader, a man who had left the church a year earlier.
They were finally going to be heard, and get their way, and gain the power they’d always wanted!
So they made a list of their complaints and presented them to two board members.
There was nothing impeachable in their list. If you looked long and hard enough at anyone’s life, you could come up with a similar list. In fact, I could have created such lists aimed at each of my detractors.
The two board members responded to each charge as they were made, taking all the fun out of the exercise for the antagonists. They reported back to their group, packed up, and left the church for good.
When the group signaled their discontent with me, the board let me know that they had my back. In fact, they told me that if I resigned over their complaints, they would all resign and leave the church as well.
They did not want to surrender the leadership of their church to a grouchy, divisive, angry group of church attendees who were showing their immaturity by their actions.
There is a moral to this story, and it’s this:
To be effective in life, you need people who have your back.
We can’t always predict how our decisions will turn out. And after we make a decision, we can’t see who’s attacking us from the rear.
We need a few people who will keep watch and defend us against those who might attack us.
If a kid misbehaves at home, and his mother disciplines him, and his father comes home and hears about what happened, Dad better back mom up or chaos will result.
If a boss tells an employee to do something, and the employee does it, and a customer registers a complaint, the boss better stand behind her employee.
If a pastor confronts someone about their sin, and that person becomes offended and starts criticizing the pastor all over the church, the board better stand behind their pastor or they will sow the seeds of his demise.
Who’s got your back?
And whose back do you have?
Thankfully, God has the back of His followers. He said in Hebrews 13:5, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”
__________
Last month, I wrote this article (https://blog.restoringkingdombuilders.org/2011/11/07/comparing-arizona-and-california) comparing Arizona and California. While some of my California friends resonated with what I wrote, not everyone agreed with my sentiments, even though they were partially tongue-in-cheek.
So in the interest of fairness, let me present a little poem entitled “Phoenix Wonderland”:
Palm trees wave, are you listenin’?
In the pool, water’s glistenin’,
A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight,
Livin’ in a Phoenix Wonderland.
Gone away is the blizzard
Here to stay is the lizard,
A warm sunny day, we like it that way,
Livin’ in a Phoenix Wonderland.
In the desert we will have a picnic,
Cactus, sand and rattlesnakes and sun.
Christmas dinner is an old tradition,
It’s pinto beans and tacos by the ton.
Later on we’ll perspire,
Temperatures rise even higher,
A warm sunny day, we like it that way,
Livin’ in a Phoenix Wonderland.
Makes you want to hop a plane and live in Phoenix, doesn’t it?
Enjoy your weekend!





Giving Your Pastor Feedback, Part 2
Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment! on September 12, 2011| 1 Comment »
Last time, I presented four ways you can share feedback with your pastor:
*Speak only for yourself.
*Speak to him directly.
*Speak to him wisely.
*Speak to him positively.
Let me add three more ways:
Fifth, speak to him sensitively. Learn his schedule and share your feedback at a time when he can receive it.
If you have something positive to say, you can share that pratically anytime. If you have negative input, try and avoid sharing that on a Sunday.
The pastor needs to be “up” on Sunday, not only to preach, but also to meet people. The pastor has been focusing on those few hours on Sunday morning all week long, and if you want to derail his ministry temporarily, then throw some criticism his way. It may wound him enough that it impacts his ability to help others that day.
I don’t know how other pastors are on a Sunday, but I tried to be sensitive to God’s Spirit. If God was going to use my ministry, I needed to be right with Him and right with others. Although I always welcomed constructive suggestions, there were times when people meant well but said things that discouraged me.
One Sunday, a couple pastors visited our church in Santa Clara because they planned on starting an outreach-oriented church in a nearby community. After the service, I greeted both of them. One of the pastors was kind in his remarks, but the other one made derogatory comments about the service. I had never met him before, and didn’t think he had earned the right to offer an instant critique. His comment was all I could think about for days, and it deflated me.
A pastor friend once did some research on the best day to share criticism with a pastor. Sunday was the worst day. Tuesday was the best day. Why Tuesday? Probably because the pastor has worked through his emotions about the previous Sunday and is looking forward to the following Sunday with optimism.
So if you have any comments about today’s article, save them for Tuesday!
Sixth, ask questions rather than state opinions. As a child, I didn’t enjoy taking communion. The atmosphere was funereal. The organ played softly while people bowed their head in reflection. Didn’t Jesus tell His disciples, “Do this in remembrance of your sin?”
No, He said, “Do this in remembrance of Me.” When I think of my sin, I’m somber. When I think of my Savior, I’m grateful, joyful, and excited. So during communion, I sometimes invited the congregation to focus on Jesus by singing.
While many people enjoyed this experience, some did not – and made it very clear to me.
One man expressed his displeasure to me about singing during communion three times on his response card. After the third time, I sent him a letter telling him why I did it that way. He promised he’d never complain again.
Which would have been more effective?
“I don’t like the way you do communion … I grew up in churches that did it another way … it should be a solemn time … I’m not used to it …”
or
“Why do we sing during communion?”
If you ask a pastor a question about a church issue, you make him the authority (which he probably is), and you can decide whether you like his answer and respond accordingly. When you state your opinion like you’re the authority, you’re just setting yourself up for an argument. There is a time and place to state your opinion, but before sharing it with the pastor, you might find out why he does what he does first.
Finally, avoid making threats. Like most pastors, there are people who have said to me, “If you don’t start doing this or stop doing that, I’m going to leave the church for good.”
It is never wise to say that to a pastor.
Most pastors will think to themselves, “Fine. Then leave. If you’re going to threaten me, then we don’t need you around here. Go mess up someone else’s church.”
I always figured that if someone threatened to leave the church, they were as good as gone anyway. Most people have more sense than to say that.
The truth is that I usually welcomed feedback from people. There were times when I wanted to do something in the church but either the staff or the board didn’t agree with me. If some people came to me unsolicited and said, “Pastor, we need to fix and repaint that wall” or “We need to start a ministry for singles,” then I could share that complaint/suggestion with the appropriate group so they would know others felt the same way.
When you share feedback with a pastor, give him time to respond to you. Sometimes people came to me with an idea and they wanted an instant answer from me, but I usually had to think and pray about it, as well as consult other leaders.
Feel free to share a time when you shared feedback with your pastor. How did it go?
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