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Archive for the ‘Conflict with Church Board’ Category

Rebelling Against Spiritual Leaders

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, tagged , , , , on April 22, 2013| 2 Comments »

While reading through the Old Testament Book of Numbers recently, I slowly stopped to read the 16th chapter.

Up to this point, Moses had been continually and mercilessly attacked in the harsh wilderness.

The people complained because they wanted to return to Egypt where they enjoyed a more varied diet (Numbers 11).

Moses’ siblings Aaron and Miriam complained that their brother had a special relationship with the Lord that they did not enjoy (Numbers 12).

The people complained again after 10 of the 12 spies issued a report stating that Israel could not survive an invasion of the Promised Land (Numbers 13).

And after the report, the people emphatically stated their preference for new leaders that would return them to Egypt, even talking of stoning Moses and Aaron (Numbers 14).

But the biggest rebellion of all happened two chapters later (Numbers 16).

When I was a kid, our family owned an illustrated Bible story book, and the drawing accompanying this story always frightened me.

In fact, this story is meant to scare us.

Korah (a Levite) and Dathan, Abiram and On (all from the tribe of Reuben) “became insolent and rose up against Moses.”  They allied themselves with 250 “well-known community leaders” (16:1-2).

Their complaint is expressed to Moses in 16:3: “You have gone too far!”

Why had Moses gone too far?  Because, in their eyes, he had set himself “above the Lord’s assembly” (16:3).

These men had been talking among themselves and became convinced that if Moses was special, then they were all equally special as well.

After humbling himself before the Lord, Moses proposed a showdown for the following morning (16:4), ending his challenge with these words in 16:7: “You Levites have gone too far!”

We all know how the story ends: the leaders of the rebellion – along with their families – “went down alive into the grave, with everything they owned; the earth closed over them, and they perished and were gone from the community” (16:33).

Let me share four lessons about spiritual leadership from this pivotal passage (two this time, two next time):

First, God chooses who He wants to lead His people.

God could have chosen Aaron or Miriam, but He didn’t.

He could have chosen Korah or Dathan, but He didn’t.

He could have chosen Caleb or Joshua, but Joshua’s time hadn’t yet come.

Moses didn’t apply for the job, and even after God made it clear that Moses was His choice, Moses still didn’t want to lead Israel.

So many of us who have been in Christian leadership can relate to this story.

Nearly 15 years ago, I was contentedly living in Arizona with my family.  We had purchased our initial house, and for the first time in our lives, we lived near members of my family.

I didn’t plan on going anywhere.

But I was asked by the leaders of two churches if I would consider leaving Arizona and come to work for them.

One church was in the Midwest, while another was on the West Coast.

My wife and I walked the streets of our community that Christmastime and we both agreed: we wanted to stay put.

But six months later, we sold our house in Arizona and moved to a new community.

I didn’t call myself to that church.  I didn’t want to go there.

Instead, God called me.

And that’s how Moses felt, too.

Second, God’s leaders can expect to be challenged periodically.

When Moses watched sheep from ages 40 through 80, my guess is that they rarely if ever caused him problems.

But after age 80, Moses’ leadership was continually challenged: by Pharaoh, by the tired-of-quail crowd, by the Amalekites, and by the 10 spies, among others.

But Korah and his gang represented the greatest challenge of all.

Korah allied himself with 3 other prominent leaders as well as 250 community leaders.  Percentage wise, it was just a sliver of 2 million people, but 254 against 1 looks very intimidating.

When I was a pastor, I didn’t mind it when churchgoers disagreed with me.  And while I didn’t like it when someone was critical of me personally, I deserved it on rare occasions.

But when someone said, “He shouldn’t be our leader anymore,” that really upset me … just like it made Moses angry, too (16:15).

And when Moses was publicly challenged, God became angry as well (16:22).  In fact, Moses later noted that “wrath has come out from the Lord” in the form of a destructive plague upon Israel (16:46).

This past weekend, I had the privilege of speaking with a man who had been a pastor for 50 years.

He told me about his first pastorate.  When he came to the church, a woman in the church had run out the previous three pastors.  When these men did something she didn’t like, she got on the telephone, told people what to think and say, and they’d comply with her wishes by calling a meeting and removing the pastor from office.

Who did God call to lead that church?  The pastor or that woman?

Then why in the world did people follow someone whom God had not called as their leader?

Former pastor and author Charles Wickman told me on several occasions, “Every church needs to celebrate the anniversary of their pastor’s call to ministry on an annual basis.”  Charles believed that some in a congregation attacked their pastor simply because they forgot that God had called him to their church.

And when people challenge their pastor’s leadership, aren’t they challenging God’s leadership of their church as well?

Here’s what Moses said in 16:11 to Korah: “It is against the Lord that you and all your followers have banded together.”

Look, leaders called by God make mistakes at times.  God only uses imperfect leaders.

But way too many church leaders – and rebellious factions – decide they’ll lend God a hand and get rid of their pastor prematurely.

In fact, they come to believe that God has called them to dispose of their leader even though the great majority of their congregation wants him to stay.

Isn’t this what Korah and his cohorts did?  They took their own desire to usurp Moses’ leadership and imposed their wishes on the rest of the congregation.

In other words, they staged a coup.

But rather than backing the coup, God responded differently.

That will be our topic next time.

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Backing Your Pastor

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Personal Stories, tagged , , , , on March 4, 2013| 2 Comments »

What’s the role of a governing board in relation to its pastor?

Is their job to:

*Support the pastor’s agenda for their church?

*Keep the pastor from making stupid mistakes?

*Prevent the pastor from instituting significant change?

*Substitute their agenda for his?

Personally, I believe a governing board should work in concert with their pastor to discern God’s agenda for their church.

While the pastor may be the one who articulates the dream, once the entire board has discussed and prayed about it, those leaders should back their pastor to the hilt … even if their friends threaten to leave.

At least, that’s what I believe … but it didn’t take me long to discover that mine can be a minority position.

When I first became a pastor, I was 27 years old.  The deacon board chairman was 74 … and the other two deacons were both 60+.

The chairman – who was also named Jim – loved baseball.  We used to travel together on BART to watch the Oakland A’s.  We talked for hours about all kinds of things related to church life.

One day, Jim came to me very upset.  His older sister – who led the deaconesses – was a member of a fraternal organization for women.  (I know that last sentence sounds contradictory, but I don’t know how else to phrase it.)

Jim’s sister was actively recruiting women to join her lodge … and using the women’s missionary meetings to do so.

In addition, Jim’s nephew … his sister’s son … was the head usher, and he was giving the lodge handshake to every man who came to church … trying to discover who else might be a lodger.

Jim felt that his sister and nephew were more committed to their lodge than the church and that their involvement was keeping them from growing spiritually.  (They both knew next to nothing about Scripture.)

In seminary, my Church History teacher said that you could be both a Christian and a lodge member, but you couldn’t be a good Christian and a good lodge member at the same time.

So I offered to do some research on the lodge.  I found some literature on the topic – this was pre-Internet – and secured a tape by an expert in the field.

One night, with Jim’s support, I presented the materials to the entire board … which had added a younger member by this time.

During the ensuing three hours, I was very careful about my presentation.  We weren’t trying to make anyone leave the lodge …no witch hunts allowed … we just didn’t want anyone from our church to recruit people for their lodge.

And we all agreed on this decision.

Shortly afterward, a woman I thought was spiritually mature (I’ll call her Rita) informed me that she had begun attending lodge meetings because of the influence of Jim’s sister.  This was exactly the kind of thing both Jim and I were concerned about.

I shared some concerns with her that I had about the lodge.  She had no idea.

Before I knew it, the board wanted to meet with me … and they were pretty upset with their rookie pastor.

Why?  Because when Jim’s sister and nephew heard about my comments to Rita, they demanded that I apologize to them … or they threatened to leave the church.

The board had two choices at this point.

They could either back their pastor or demand that I apologize.

Guess what they decided?

They demanded that I apologize.

I refused.

Why?  Because I was carrying out the directive of the deacons.  We had researched the issue together.  We had discussed it together.  We made a decision together.

But when their friends threatened to leave, the entire board collapsed on me.

I ended up visiting the home of Jim’s sister and nephew, along with a deacon.  I listened to their pain and tried to make them understand my/our concerns.

They lacked the theological foundation to understand my viewpoint.  It was like talking to a couple of cats.

That experience took a toll on me.

I broke out in hives all over my chest due to the stress of the situation.

I no longer trusted the board.  We had made a decision together but they all wilted on me.  How could I ever trust them again?

When I asked for my lodge materials back, one of the deacons refused, claiming the materials had caused enough trouble.

My family went on a scheduled vacation.  When I returned, I wondered if I’d still have a job … and the board wondered if they’d still have a pastor.

Several weeks later, the leader of a sister church five miles away called and invited our church to initiate merger talks with them.

Two months later, our churches formally merged … and the church I came to as a rookie pastor no longer existed.

I have often wondered if God closed the church down because the deacons chose friendships over faithfulness.

Fortunately, I’ve only been betrayed by a church board twice … and the story of the second betrayal won’t be in blog form.

It will be in book form.

The overall lesson from this story is this: when a pastor and a board agree on a decision, both parties need to support each other in public.

On rare occasions, the pastor or a board member can revisit an issue … inside a board meeting.

But when a board backs the pastor’s detractors rather than their pastor, they shouldn’t be surprised if the pastor either resigns or starts looking for a new ministry.

It just occurred to me that all four of those board members eventually left that new church separately and angrily.

I sure wasn’t going to chase them down.

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Five Reasons Why Pastors Vanish, Finale

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , on January 30, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Imagine that you attend your church this weekend. You’re in a great mood: your family is healthy, work is going well, and all is right with your world.

You vibrantly sing the worship songs … take notes during the pastor’s message … and feel great about your church.

Then at the end of the service, your pastor stands and reads a letter: he’s resigning … leaving your church forever … after many years of productive service.

He tells you he’s tired … that he’s looking forward to future opportunities … but you wonder what the real story is.

In my last article, I mentioned three reasons why pastors suddenly disappear:

*They’re tired of fighting a handful of antagonists.

*They’re frustrated in their efforts to reach their community for Christ.

*They are tired of being so lonely.

Let me add just two more reasons … even though I could add many more:

Fourth, their family members are hurting because of relentless criticism.

While all pastors believe that God has called them to ministry, many pastor’s wives did not receive that same call.  They believe that God has called them primarily to love their husbands and their children.  They are willing to attend services and serve in a ministry as long as it doesn’t negatively impact their home life.

But when a pastor’s wife sees her husband unfairly attacked … and she sees the toll it takes on his health and his joy and his walk with God … she begins to pull back from church people and church work.

This scenario alone can cause a pastor’s wife to beg him to quit church ministry.

And inevitably, as a few critics focus on the pastor’s shortcomings, they will target her with attacks as well.  They will criticize the way she dresses … whether or not she works outside the home … and how she performs her ministries, among other things.

As these criticisms float back her way, she will be deeply hurt … and such criticisms are meant to hurt.

She’ll pull back even more and strongly suggest that her husband resign.  Some may even threaten to leave him if he doesn’t.

But when people start attacking their children … and if the pastor hasn’t left by now, some will … she will shift into protective mode and insist that her husband resign to save their family.

Pastors going through such situations are torn.  On the one hand, a pastor once took a vow that he would stay married to the same woman forever.  On the other hand, he also went through an ordination process recognizing God’s call upon his life.

When the vow and the call clash, a pastor feels pulled in two directions.  If he goes with the vow, he may lose his ministry career.  If he goes with the call, he may lose his wife … and possibly his career … anyway.

To save their families, many pastors choose to resign from their positions instead … and the pastor normally won’t acknowledge this factor publicly.

My guess is that when pastors vanish, this factor probably plays a role more than 50% of the time.

Finally, they have been asked or forced to leave by official church leaders.

This problem is now at epidemic levels in the Christian community.  Although I’ve read that 1,300 pastors per month are forcibly terminated, it’s safe to say this is true of at least 1,000 pastors per month.

There are so many possible scenarios at work here:

*Sometimes a pastor becomes frustrated with the board because board members focus more on maintenance and money than taking risks to reach people for Christ.

*Sometimes the board becomes frustrated with the pastor because he seems to be tone deaf toward their suggestions and needs.

*Sometimes a board member is personally offended by something the pastor did or said … but never talks to him directly … and gets back at the pastor by leading the charge to get rid of him.

*Sometimes the board becomes convinced they can run the church better than the pastor, so they take shortcuts, trump up some charges, and attack him with every weapon in their arsenal.

*Sometimes the board forces the pastor to resign because they’ve lined up the associate pastor or an interim pastor to preach … while they run the church their way.

Whatever the real reason why pastors and boards stop working well together, when their relationship starts to break down, the pastor will probably be the one who ends up leaving … even if he gets along with every other person in the entire church.

When the pastor stands up to announce his resignation, he probably won’t mention his problems with the board … especially if it affects any separation package he may receive.

Just like baseball managers, elected politicians, business CEOs, and rock bands, few positions in this world come with automatic lifetime appointments.

But for some reason, many of us assume that our beloved pastor will stay at our church forever.

When he leaves, we may grieve for a while, but in the back of our minds, we wonder:

Why did he really leave?

I’ve shared five possible reasons with you.

But if you really want to know, there’s one surefire way to find out:

Why don’t you ask him?

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Five Reasons Why Pastors Vanish

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , on January 28, 2013| 6 Comments »

Several years ago, a prominent pastor announced his resignation to a shocked congregation.

I knew something about this pastor because he had taught me in school and had once led a retreat for our youth group.

After his announcement, I went online and read comments from people who loved this pastor and appreciated his ministry.

They didn’t buy the public reasons he gave for leaving.  They wanted to know the real reasons.

Why do at least 1,500 pastors leave church ministry every month?

Let me share five real reasons:

First, they’re tired of fighting a handful of antagonists.

Most pastors – about 75% – are feelers rather than thinkers.  No matter how much they claim they can handle constructive criticism, any criticism wounds them to the core.

There are people in every church who have figured this out.  They know instinctively that if they continually find fault with their pastor, he will wilt, become ineffective, and eventually quit.

While these people know the pastor’s values, the pastor doesn’t know theirs.

Regardless of church size, when push comes to shove, most pastors leave a church because of a group of 7-10 individuals.

The pastor of a megachurch once told me that no matter how well things went on Sunday, he received a barrage of critical comments on Monday.

When the criticism occurs week after week, month after month, and year after year, it’s no wonder some pastors finally say, “I’m out of here!  I’ve had enough.”

This is why every pastor needs a few spiritual bodyguards who will serve as his protectors and encouragers.

Second, they’re frustrated in their efforts to reach their community for Christ.

If a church truly wants to reach people for Jesus, it will have to make some changes.

It will have to make changes in its worship service(s) … in its leadership structure … in the way funds are allocated … in the way decisions are made … in the way people interact with Scripture.

While some Christians are eager to make such changes, many … if not most … are not.

Too many believers have a vested interest in keeping things the same – year after year – regardless of how effective their church is.

I hesitate to quote Robert Schuller at this point, but I’m going to do it anyway because I believe he’s right.  I once heard him say:

“Any church can grow if it puts the needs of the unchurched ahead of the churched.”

He’s not saying that a pastor should ignore the needs of his people.  Far from it.

But if a pastor only focuses on pleasing the congregation he already has, few if any people (other than the kids of believers) will come to faith in Jesus Christ.

If evangelism isn’t front-loaded, it won’t happen.

The pastor of a rapidly growing church once told me that as his church grew, Christians were constantly trying to get him to change the church’s mission so that it focused exclusively on believers.  Pastors can sense this resistance.

When the pastor is the only one who really cares about reaching the community – and this happens in all too many churches – don’t be surprised if he quietly disappears.

Third, many pastors are tired of being so lonely.

Why is this?  Two thoughts:

*For starters, pastors carry around the problems and pains of their people 24/7.

If you’re in a small group, you know about the sufferings of a handful of people.  But the larger a church grows, the more problems come to the pastor’s attention … and if he’s a caring pastor, he’ll be thinking and praying about those problems constantly.

And most pastors are legally forbidden from sharing the problems of counselees with anyone else … even their wives.

Many times, I’d be out with my wife, and she’d wonder why I was staring into space … but I couldn’t tell her that I was hurting for someone at church.

*In addition, pastors know they can have friends at church … just not close friends.

Why not?

It’s simple: a pastor’s primary vocational problems concern others in his church … like staffers … and board members … and loudmouthed antagonists … and the pastor does not want to run down those people to others.

Because if the pastor really opened up about how he felt, his feelings might get around the church … and hurt people … and hasten his own demise.

So he remains silent … and talks only to people outside the church … if he can find someone who will listen.

Christian counselors will listen … but they can cost a lot of money.

Pastoral colleagues might listen … if you can set up an appointment three weeks in advance.

Many pastor’s wives will listen … but the pastor can’t tell her everything.

Many pastors quit because it’s lonely at the top … and they’re tired of being perpetually lonely.

I’ll add two more reasons next time!

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The Pastor-Staff Double Bind

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, tagged , , , on November 5, 2012| 5 Comments »

What keeps you awake at night?

When I was a pastor, more often than not, I couldn’t sleep because of church staff members.

Why not?

Because dealing with staff is fraught with danger … real and imagined.

When a pastor hires a staff member, he looks for three primary qualifications: character, competency, and chemistry.

The pastor wants staff members to have character … to lead godly lives and be morally upright.

The pastor wants staff members to have competency … to do their job so well that he rarely has to address any concerns.

The pastor wants staff members to have chemistry … to get along well with him and the other staff.

If a staffer is falling short in any of these three areas, the pastor has to sit down and speak with him or her about his concerns as soon as possible.

And this is where the double bind for him occurs.

Let me offer up an example.

Suppose a board member tells the pastor that the youth pastor left the church campus a half hour early that Sunday morning.  The board member asks the pastor (a) if he knew about this, and (b) if the youth pastor had asked the pastor for permission to leave early.

If the pastor gave the youth pastor permission to leave early, he needs to make that clear to the board member.

If the pastor didn’t give the youth pastor permission to leave early, he needs to find out what’s going on.

Should the pastor call the youth pastor immediately or wait until they’re together on Monday morning?

Let’s say the pastor waits until the next day.  He gets hit with a lot of work when he enters the office and can’t walk down the hall to see the youth pastor until 11:30 that morning.

When he does, he finds the youth pastor is gone … and according to the office manager, won’t be back until Wednesday.

Now the pastor is really upset because the youth pastor reports to him … and the pastor did not give the youth pastor permission to cut out early on Monday or miss the staff meeting on Tuesday.

Should the pastor call the youth pastor immediately or wait until Wednesday?

The pastor decides to call the youth pastor … who doesn’t answer the phone.  The pastor tries again later in the day, but still … no answer.

The next day at the staff meeting, two staff members ask the pastor point-blank where the youth pastor is.  The pastor says he doesn’t know.

After the meeting, the pastor calls the youth pastor again … but nobody answers.

That night, the pastor can’t sleep.  See why?

When the youth pastor finally comes in the next morning, the pastor immediately walks down the hall to speak with him.

The pastor sits down and asks the youth pastor how he’s doing.

The pastor asks about his family and how his ministry went on Sunday.

Finally, the pastor mentions in a matter-of-fact way that (a) the youth pastor was seen leaving early on Sunday, (b) left early on Monday, and (c) didn’t come in at all on Tuesday.

The pastor asks the youth pastor – in a gentle but firm tone – what’s going on.

The youth pastor offers some lame excuses for missing work.  The pastor suspects he’s lying.

They speak awkwardly for a few minutes, and then the pastor – as staff supervisor – tells the youth pastor:

“If you are going to leave church early on a Sunday, you need to ask me first.  If you are going to leave early on a workday, you need to clear that with me first.  If you are going to take a day off during the week, you need to receive my permission first.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

The youth pastor stammers, “Well, I tried calling you, but I couldn’t get ahold of you … so I thought I’d just take the time off and get back to you later.”

When the pastor leaves the youth pastor’s office, he wonders what’s going on.

Is the youth pastor having marital problems?  Could he be addicted to alcohol or drugs?  Could he be working a second job?  Or is he just stressed out and needs to step away from work for a few days?

Here’s one double bind: some board members and staffers are watching how the pastor handles this situation.  If he does nothing, they will conclude the pastor is spineless.

But if the pastor is too hard on the youth pastor, then the youth pastor and his wife … and eventually their friends and many of the youth and possibly their parents … will be upset with the pastor for picking on someone they know and love.

The pastor is thinking, “I’d really like to help the youth pastor if he’s having a problem, but he’s not being honest with me, so all I have to go on is his behavior, which isn’t acceptable.  I need to keep an eye on him from now on.”

The youth pastor is thinking, “Who does the pastor think he is?  I go on camping trips and retreats with the kids without asking for overtime.  I answer their emails and phone calls at all hours.  If I want to take some time off, I’m entitled to it … and I’ve been here long enough that I don’t need to ask for permission.”

If things don’t change, there’s going to be a showdown … and soon.

What happens then?

I’ll deal with that in my next article.

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Repeat Offender Churches

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , on September 12, 2012| 5 Comments »

Someone recently asked me the following question:

“What is the likelihood that a forced termination or major conflict could happen at the same church more than once?  (Let’s say within a 10-15 year span.)  Are there any statistics on that subject?”

Yes, there are.

Leading Edge, a resource for leaders of healthy churches, reported the following statistics in September 2003:

*25% of US pastors have experienced a forced exit at some point in their ministry.

*33% of US churches have had a pastor leave due to a forced exit.

*62% of ousted pastors were serving a church that had forced one or more pastors to leave in the past.

And the most chilling statistic of all:

*10% of US churches have forced three or more pastors to leave in their past and are considered “repeat offenders.”

The driving force behind a pastor’s forced exit is usually a small faction inside the congregation … composed of only 3-4% of the people.

The second largest catalyst is a member of the church’s governing board.

The typical size of the small faction is 7-10 people.

Once a faction or a board forces out their pastor, they know the template and may feel free to use it on the next pastor … and the one after that.

Let’s freely acknowledge that a small percentage of pastors should leave due to heretical teaching, sexual immorality, or a criminal offense.

But in most cases, the pastor hasn’t done anything worthy of banishment.

Presuming that a pastor is innocent of any major offense, how can the people of a church that has experienced this tragedy prevent the forced exit of their next pastor?

First, identify the perpetrators by name.  A congregation needs to know the identities of those who forced their pastor to leave.  If you don’t know who did it, you won’t be able to stop them from doing it again.  This is biblical.  (Paul fingered Hymenaeus, Philetus, and Alexander the coppersmith as troublemakers, while John cast a spotlight on Diotrephes.)

Second, confront the perpetrators for their divisive actions.  Even if a congregation identifies the perpetrators, little has been accomplished if those same people are quickly placed into leadership positions.  See Titus 3:10-11.

Let me say this as emphatically as I know how: it is spiritually and morally wrong for a congregation to place people into leadership who used deception and destruction to force out the previous pastor.

If you doubt me, read the Book of Numbers sometime soon.  Moses and Aaron were frequently criticized by various leaders and factions in Israel … but God always sided with his chosen leaders and always disciplined those who attacked them.

And God never said to the perpetrators, “You know, you guys are right.  Moses shouldn’t be in leadership.  I’ll open up the earth and swallow him up … and let you guys lead Israel instead.”

In fact, in Numbers 16, God opened up the earth and swallowed the 250 people who stood with Moses’ three critics instead.

Third, prayerfully ask the perpetrators to repent for their actions.  However, this rarely happens.

I know a church where four staff members tried to force out their pastor many years ago.  The pastor threatened to expose them … and three of them quickly resigned.  (The perpetrators in such cases fear public exposure more than anything.)

About five years later, one of the four wrote the pastor a letter of apology, admitting that what he had done was wrong.  The other three?  He’s still waiting to hear from them.

I don’t know why this is, but some people demonize their pastor and then believe that they are justified using any and all means to force him to quit.

Such methodology damages more than the pastor, though: it damages a church’s soul.

Finally, realize that pastors are most vulnerable between years four and five.  Most pastors enjoy a honeymoon of a year or two when they first come to a church, especially if they don’t initiate much change.

During year three, the pastor’s critics begin to emerge.

Between years four and five of a pastor’s tenure, the pastor typically announces and promotes a specific agenda for the church’s future.  Because change provokes anxiety, some people will rebel against the pastor’s agenda.

The pastor’s critics will begin to question everything he does and says.  They will talk to others who feel the same way.  If a leader emerges, they will form a faction to take back their church.

If the pastor is a strong individual … and especially if he has board support … he will continue to communicate the direction he believes God wants him to take the church.

And this will force much if not all of the faction to leave the church.

But if the pastor collapses emotionally … or his family wilts under the pressure … or the pastor’s health is affected by the constant criticism … and especially if the board caves on him … then the pastor will choose to resign instead.

And a tiny, vocal faction will privately take credit for getting rid of their minister.

This information is contained in Carl George’s brilliant article called “The Berry Bucket Balance.”

Many years ago, I did a study of pastoral tenure in my district.  I examined the tenures of 60 pastors.

The average tenure of those pastors was 4 1/2 years … midway between years four and five.

This is a time to be hypervigilant … but an attack can come at any time.

A few years ago, I wrote my doctoral project at Fuller Seminary on church antagonism.

During my research, I analyzed five major conflicts that my church at the time had experienced over the years.

I discovered that the church’s culture was one of non-confrontation.  When people acted up … or committed evil … nobody did anything about it.

The perpetrators felt free to attack, criticize, and even destroy people because they knew that nothing would happen to them.

We have to hit this issue head-on or there will be even more repeat offender churches in the future.

Your thoughts?

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Four Observations About Pastoral Termination

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment! on August 27, 2012| 2 Comments »

I’m in a celebrating mood today because this blog just reached a milestone!

After nearly 20 months and 216 postings, we finally hit 20,000 views last night … an average of just under 100 views per article.

My top 5 articles according to readership are:

*If You Must Terminate a Pastor

*When to Correct a Pastor

*Pastors Who Cause Trouble

*Facing Your Accusers

*When You’re Upset with Your Pastor

The articles I’ve written about my family members (especially my son’s wedding) and about music also have lots of views, but this blog is primarily about pastor-church conflict.

And as you can tell from the above titles, I write primarily for lay people – board members included.  I’m trying to help them deal with their feelings about their pastor when they’re frustrated with the way he’s leading, preaching, or acting.

After talking with pastors and researching this topic for years, I have four observations to make about pastoral termination:

First, few believers know how to terminate a pastor sensitively and wisely.

If a pastor works for the governing board of a church, and the board decides to fire him, the board will probably:

*Ignore biblical principles for correcting a spiritual leader.

*Brush aside the governing documents of their church.

*Skip any kind of due process for the pastor.

*Fail to anticipate how the congregation will react to the pastor’s ouster.

Instead, they’ll just put their head down and remove the pastor using any means at their disposal … even unchristian ones.

I recently talked with a pastor who told me what happened with his church board.

The pastor heard about a conflict training program at a Christian university.  He invited the board to go along.

One board member attended with the pastor.  The other two declined to go.

One week later, those two board members met with the pastor and fired him.

Why didn’t they want to attend the training program?  Because they didn’t want to learn new skills that might prevent them from forcing their pastor to leave.

It’s important that we train boards how to handle conflicts with their pastor before they choose to fire him … because most people … even Christian leaders … cannot control how messy things become when they forcibly terminate their pastor.

Second, boards usually blindside their pastor when they fire him.

I recently spoke with a pastor who had been at his church for nearly two decades.  The church had a large impact in their community and the pastor thought he was doing a great job.

One day, the board called a meeting with the pastor and fired him.

The pastor wasn’t guilty of heresy, or immorality, or any major offense.

And to this day, he has no idea what he did to deserve being terminated.

Here’s the typical scenario:

*Nobody on the board ever sits down with the pastor and talks to him about any concerns they have.

*Nobody confronts or corrects him.

*Nobody allows the pastor to face his accusers and their charges.

*Nobody loves him enough to carry out Matthew 18:15-20 or 1 Timothy 5:19-21.

*Nobody asks God what they should do … but ask God to bless them after they’ve made their decision.

Instead, the board meets in secret, negatively evaluates the pastor’s performance, and fires him without ever giving him the chance to (a) know the complaints against him, and (b) make any necessary adjustments.

Is this legal?  It is if the governing documents of a church say the board can act that way.

Is this moral?  No.

Is it spiritual?  Hardly.

It’s an indication that the board views the church as a business … instead of a spiritual organism … and that they view the pastor as an employee … instead of someone called by God to lead that church.

It’s also an indication that they either lack the time or expertise to correct him … or that they feel the pastor is unredeemable … which seems like a contradiction for people who claim to believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ can transform anyone.

Third, the congregation never hears the truth about why the pastor left.

Under the guise of “confidentiality,” the board makes a pact to refuse to tell anyone the reasons why the pastor has departed.

This may be because the pastor did something immoral and the board is protecting the pastor’s career.

This may be because the pastor did something illegal and the board is protecting the church.

This may be because the board handled things unwisely and they’re covering up their mistakes.

If the pastor was allowed to state publicly why he was forced to leave, he might persuade people that he was treated poorly, which might provoke sympathy for him, turn people against the governing board, and cause people to leave the church.

If the board was allowed to state publicly why they forced the pastor to leave, they would undoubtedly blame everything on him, take no responsibility for their own failures, and have to explain themselves to the congregation.

Because boards just want the pastor gone, they often grant “severance for silence.”  They give the pastor a small compensation package if he’ll leave quickly and quietly … and not tell anyone how badly they handled things.

In fact, because this is such a common problem, I toyed for a while with calling my new book Bungled.

Finally, the perpetrators almost never admit they’ve done anything wrong.

When an individual sins, he or she may or may not admit it.

When a pastor sins, he may or may not admit it.

When a board sins, they almost never admit it.

It is the nature of groups to make a decision and, even if they’re wrong, protect and defend each other afterwards.

How often have you heard the White House … a news organization … a corporate board … a sports team … a school board … a homeowners association … or a state government agency … admit together that they did something wrong?

It rarely if ever happens.

In fact, if even one member of an organization admits that their group has done something wrong, the other members will invariably disown that person or try to remove them altogether.

This is why once a board decides to terminate a pastor, they act like they’re 100% faultless and he’s 100% blameworthy.

And this is why that board and the pastor never reconcile.

I recently spoke with a top Christian leader who told me about a church that called a new pastor.

The pastor wanted to see God renew the church, and he did everything he could to make sure that happened.

But there was just one thing remaining … he wanted the church to reconcile with some of its former pastors who had been mistreated.

The new pastor wasn’t around during the years these pastors served, and the church had many newcomers who had no idea what had happened in the past.

But this pastor called all these men back, and one Sunday, he stood up and confessed that the church had wronged these men of God and asked for their forgiveness on behalf of the church.

I wish this sort of thing would happen more often.  There are too many wounded pastors and churches in our country.

But this kind of thing is rare because of pride.  We convince ourselves that if we did or said something, it was right … but if the pastor did or said something … it was wrong.

Is life really that black and white?

If you’ve been reading for a long time, thank you.  Some subscribers have told me they’ve read every article I’ve written.

If this is your first time here, check out some of the categories on the right side of my blog.  You might find an article or two that will help you deal with the way you feel about your pastor.

And even if you’re an occasional reader, thanks for visiting this site.  We’re honored when you come around.

I love it when people ask questions and leave comments, even if you disagree with something I’ve said.  Since this is the way we all learn, feel free to give me feedback.

I’m still learning a lot about pastoral termination, church conflict, and conflict in general.

And I invite you to keep reading as we learn together.

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Selecting a Church’s Governing Leaders, Finale

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , on August 10, 2012| Leave a Comment »

The single greatest human indicator of a pastor’s success in a church is his relationship with the governing board.

A pastor can be a visionary … and a great Bible teacher … and an insightful counselor … and a superb administrator … but if he does not work well with the board, his ministry will go nowhere.

For most of my ministry life, the boards I served with let me know they were there to support my vision for the church … although they reserved the right to tell me when I was suffering from temporary insanity.

But if a pastor wants to take a church in one direction, and the board wants to go in a different direction, the eventual aftermath will be heartbreaking for everybody involved.

This is why the selection process for church leaders is so crucial.

How should the process be managed?

*The selection process should begin months before leaders are approved.  If you wait to the last minute to select leaders, you will pay for it by securing people who are available but not necessarily competent.

*Nominations can come from the congregation, a nominating team, the board itself, or the pastor.  However it’s done, you can’t allow yourself to be pressured by lobbying.  I’ve found that the best people are initially reluctant to serve and that some who appear eager just want power.

*There needs to be some kind of vetting process for each nominee, including a criminal background check.  Some churches require the written approval of a supervisor at work and/or people in the community (consistent with 1 Timothy 3:7) as well.

*I don’t know how far to push this, but the pastor needs to find out the giving levels of all prospective board candidates in general terms (not specific amounts), especially if the board oversees church finances.  You cannot allow someone on the board who does not give generously to the church.  Board members need to set a financial example and can’t be managing tens of thousands of dollars when they haven’t invested in their own local ministry.

Besides, giving is always an indicator of a person’s spiritual temperature.

I once read that about half of all pastors know how much the people in their church give every week, and that half do not.  (Some pastors come into the office on Monday and the giving records from the weekend are already on their computer.)  While I was one of those pastors who never wanted to know (and never did know) how much people gave, I would make one exception: the pastor has to know whether any prospective board member is already a generous giver … or that person should be dropped from consideration.  (This suggestion came to me from a former district minister.)

*Before board members are officially approved, the pastor and/or chairman should sit down with each candidate and let them know what is expected of them in writing … maybe asking them to sign a document to that effect.

*I believe that if a church votes on/ratifies its board members, the percentage necessary for election should be greater than a simple majority.  In fact, I believe it should be the same percentage that a senior pastor candidate has to receive (usually 75%).

When I was still a teenager, I was selected to count the votes for elders and deacons at my church two years in a row.  Out of 95 votes cast the first year, one man had 20 votes against him.  The second year, one man had 11 votes against him.  Since a simple majority was all that was required for election, both men were put into office … and both men later crashed and burned morally.  I always felt that the people who voted against those men knew something they weren’t sharing.

However, my former church in Phoenix never votes on elders.  The board nominates three men every year, and their brief biographies are placed in the program.  Then the men are introduced in each worship service, and the congregation is encouraged to write down how they feel about the nominees.  If you think they should be elders, or you have reservations, you can write those down … and I assume someone follows up those responses.  (The basis for this process is Titus 1:5 where Paul tells Titus to appoint – not elect – elders in every city.)

*I do not believe that a staff member … with the possible exception of an executive pastor … should sit on a church board.  If the pastor supervises the staff, as in most churches … and the board supervises the pastor … how can a staff member be put in the position of supervising the pastor?  When the staff member is having problems with the pastor, the staffer will inevitably share his concerns with a board member, who may very well take the staffer’s side against the pastor … a classic recipe for a major conflict.

This scenario blurs the lines of accountability.  Who supervises whom?

I’ve tried it both ways, and believe that allowing a staff member to sit on the church board eventually results in one of two scenarios: either the staff member aligns himself with the board and pushes out the pastor, or the pastor aligns himself with the board and pushes out the staff member.

If you know of cases where this works well, please let me know.

*There needs to be some kind of an installation service for new board members … maybe with former board members laying hands on them and praying for their ministry.

*The board needs to find a way to report to the church on a regular basis about what they’re doing, whether orally or in writing.  A board that resists accountability will claim that everything is confidential, which is often an excuse for cloaking things in secrecy.

Whenever I placed a priority on the selection of governing leaders, the ministry went forward at a steady pace.

But whenever I neglected to select leaders carefully, the board, the church, and their pastor paid a heavy price.

Your thoughts?

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Selecting a Church’s Governing Leaders, Part 2

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination on August 8, 2012| 2 Comments »

True or false:

It is possible for a pastor to oversee the selection of a church’s governing leaders according to biblical qualifications and yet experience conflict with those same leaders later on.

It’s oh so true.

Why?  Because insuring that a church’s governing leaders are spiritual is only half the selection battle.  A pastor … and a church … need to ask themselves one additional question before allowing anyone to join a church board:

How supportive are those prospective leaders of the pastor and his vision for their church?

My first suggestion for selecting governing leaders is to choose people whose lives reflect the biblical qualifications.

My second suggestion is to narrow the focus even more and to choose people who will completely support their pastor and his vision for their church.

This assumes that the church has a direction and that the pastor has communicated it to the congregation consistently.  Hopefully, many people were instrumental in contributing to that vision … but once it’s in place, the pastor cannot in good conscience surrender it or negotiate it away.  He has to stand by it … even if others wish to change it.

Here are some lessons I’ve learned along this line:

First, be willing to ignore the minimum number of governing leaders called for in the church’s governing documents.  For example, if church bylaws state that the board must have a minimum of four leaders … but only two individuals are biblically-qualified and fully support the pastor and his vision … then go with just two board members for a while.

As I can personally attest, putting the wrong people on a board just to hit that minimum number can lead to disaster.

I cannot emphasize this point enough.

Sometimes I hear about churches that have a board of thirty or forty people.  In my view, that’s a recipe for insanity.

How can all those people meet at the same time?  How can everyone have their say in a meeting?

And how can those leaders ever agree on anything?

Remember: Jesus only selected twelve disciples.

It’s far better to have an odd number of governing leaders … like five or seven … so the board can make decisions without getting stuck with tie votes.

Personally, I prefer having five leaders than seven.  The fewer, the better.  You can get more done … and more quickly.

For 21 months, I attended one of America’s top megachurches.  More than 15,000 people attended that church every weekend.

Do you know how many governing leaders they had?

Nine.

You don’t select governing leaders so they can represent all the groups in the church (men, women, youth, singles, children, pioneers, newcomers, and so on).

You select governing leaders to make decisions that advance the pastor’s vision for the church.

Nearly all the problems I’ve had with board members over the years occurred because we clashed on church direction.

Second, secure an agreement from each governing leader that they will share any concerns they have with their pastor directly and swiftly.  If necessary, put such an agreement in writing … and discuss it several times a year.

Many governing leaders lack the courage to speak directly with their pastor when they disagree with him.  So they share their concerns with other governing leaders in hopes of gaining allies.  This is often the point at which church division begins.  The pastor’s detractors then go underground … meeting secretly without him, making decisions behind his back, and then imposing those decisions on him at board meetings … and this kind of decision-making makes governing leaders feel powerful.

However, unless the pastor is guilty of heresy, immorality, criminal behavior, or some other major offense, the governing leaders have violated the trust that should exist between them and their pastor.  When matters get to this point, the leaders feel they have to come up with some charges to justify their clandestine meetings … and this is when all hell breaks loose in a church.

The leaders eventually accuse the pastor of major offenses … but the pastor doesn’t know anything about them because the governing leaders lacked the courage or confidence to share them with the pastor as the “offenses” arose.  The pastor then tries to defend himself, but the leaders have gone too far to back down … and often demand the pastor’s resignation.

And then it’s all hush-hushed … not because the pastor did anything wrong … but so the congregation doesn’t find out how poorly the board handled matters.

1,300 pastors are forcibly terminated from their positions every month in America.  If board members would share their personal or policy concerns directly with their pastor, we could probably cut the number of terminations in half.

I once had the privilege of visiting one of America’s great churches.  While wandering around, I spotted a framed document on the wall.  It was signed by the pastor, staff members, and over 100 church leaders … and it specified the direction the church was going to take in the future.

I was impressed!

And that direction cannot be carried out unless the leaders support their pastor’s leadership.

Finally, identify and wait for premium leaders.

I once heard one of America’s leading pastors say that he had identified a man in his church to become a governing leader.  However, this man’s work took him overseas for many months.

But it didn’t matter to this pastor.  He saved a spot on the board so that when the man returned from the Far East, he immediately became a governing leader.

Rather than put an unqualified rookie on the board and hope that he worked out, this veteran pastor saved a place for a great leader instead.

If you fill up a board with unqualified or non-supportive individuals, there may be no room for qualified, supportive people later on … and the good leaders won’t want to serve with the not-so-good leaders.

I’ve never forgotten this adage I learned years ago:

It’s better to have no one than the wrong person.

Boy, is that ever true!

Marry the wrong person, and it may cost you for the rest of your life.

Ask the wrong person to become a governing leader in a church, and everyone may end up paying for it: the board, the pastor, the staff, lay leaders, and the entire congregation.

The stories I could tell …

Any stories or feedback you’d like to share?

 

 

 

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Selecting a Church’s Governing Leaders, Part 1

Posted in Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , on August 6, 2012| 2 Comments »

A pastor friend recently asked if I would post something about how to select a church’s governing leaders.  Whether they’re called elders, overseers, deacons, the church council, or the board of directors, what’s the best way to choose such leaders?

While I don’t consider myself an expert in this area … like most pastors, I’ve made some mistakes in selecting leaders … let me offer three suggestions (each post this week will cover one suggestion):

First, choose people whose lives reflect the biblical qualifications.  Paul instructed both Timothy (1 Timothy 3:1-13) and Titus (Titus 1:5-9) to look for certain character and behavioral qualities in church leaders.  Some thoughts:

*Scripture isn’t dealing with a person’s history but with their lifestyle.  When Paul lists “not given to drunkenness,” is he saying that if a person got drunk once, that person should never be a church leader?  When he says “not a lover of money,” is Paul referring to someone’s overall life pattern or elimininating someone from consideration because they did love money for a time?

There are obviously some one-time incidents that would eliminate a person from consideration (murder comes to mind), but we must also leave room for the grace of God.

I once knew a man who was divorced early in life.  He was the most well-respected man in our entire church – he preached, did counseling, taught an adult class, shared his faith freely – but some people refused to let him become a governing leader because he was divorced (as a believer) soon after his first marriage.  They believed he violated the qualification of being “the husband of but one wife” (1 Timothy 3:2).  However, he married a fine Christian woman after his divorce and they had an exemplary marriage for several decades.  Did he meet the biblical qualification?  I believe he did.  Others would disagree.

*Scripture encourages us to look for people who can manage their own lives.  Someone once asked about former Yankee baseball manager Billy Martin, “How can he manage a team of 25 men when he can’t manage his own life?”

In looking for spiritual leaders, we need to look for people who can manage their money, their temper, their alcohol, and their tongue.  If they can manage themselves, then we want to know if they can manage their family (1 Timothy 3:4-5).  If they can manage both themselves and their family, they stand the best chance of managing their church.

*Scripture encourages us to look for people whose lives have been consistent over time.  In 1 Timothy 3:10, Paul says of deacons (and the same principle applies to elders/overseers), “They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.”

In general, I only asked someone to serve as a governing leader if I had been able to observe their life for at least two years.  That made their behavior predictable … though not necessarily perfect.  A church’s governing leaders are sometimes under stress … maybe they have to deal with a wayward staff member, or declining offerings, or a case of sexual immorality … and you’d like to know ahead of time how they’re going to handle tough situations.

This is why I wanted all potential governing leaders to serve in a leadership position somewhere in the church before I considered them for the governing board.  If they hadn’t served as a leader first … and then they became a governing leader … how could I predict their behavior on the board?  I couldn’t.

Sadly, some people are exemplary believers in non-leadership positions … but they become tyrants when they become leaders.  The only way I know to minimize this risk is to make sure everyone serves as a non-board leader before they’re ever considered to become a governing leader.

*Scripture encourages us to know something about the spouses of leaders as well.  Bible scholars are divided as to whether 1 Timothy 3:11 refers to deaconesses or deacon’s wives.  Let’s assume for the moment that Paul is discussing the wife of a governing leader (whatever applies to deacons also applies to overseers/elders).

The wives of leaders need to be “worthy of respect, not malicious talkers, but temperate, and trustworthy in everything.”

It is possible for a man to be perfectly suited to become a governing leader … but to be disqualified because of his wife.  The problem?  She can’t keep a secret.

I’ve had governing leaders tell me, “I never tell my wife a thing about what’s going on in the church.”  However, I had one leader tell me, “I tell my wife everything that’s going on in the church” … and I’ve served with leaders whom I suspected told their wives plenty if not everything.

I do not believe that everything discussed by a church board should remain confidential.  That’s ridiculous.  The governing leaders make all kinds of decisions, and most of them can/will be shared openly with the congregation.  I believe that a church with transparency is far healthier than a church full of secrets … especially concerning issues and policies.

But when governing leaders meet, they also discuss people in the church … by name … and those discussions need to be kept confidential.  As a pastor, I was willing to discuss anything and everything at the church except what was going on in the lives of individuals … unless it was already public knowledge.

In other words, we need to be open about the institution of the church but be protective of the individuals in that same church.

Any thoughts about what I’ve written?

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