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19 Things I’d Rather Do Than Attend a Church Board Meeting

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , on February 4, 2016| 3 Comments »

My wife and I currently run a preschool in our home.  She deals directly with the kids, while I manage the finances and keep the place clean, among other duties.

Whenever I have to sweep the kitchen floor again, or vacuum the carpets, or do umpteen loads of laundry, I tell my wife, “I’d rather be doing this than attending another board meeting.”

And we both nod our heads and laugh.

When you’re a pastor, it’s usually required that you attend regular meetings of the church’s governing board … whatever they’re called.

But since board meetings are more about institutional maintenance than personal ministry, and since they can involve difficult and even painful decisions, and since such meetings can lead to arguments and politicking, the longer a pastor’s tenure in a particular church, the less interesting … or essential … board meetings can seem.

And if several board members begin to attack the pastor in those meetings … especially if those attacks are undeserved … attending those meetings can become unbearable.

As I recounted in my book Church Coup, the last board meeting I attended as a veteran pastor happened more than six years ago.

That final meeting was so traumatic that I relived it on a daily basis for many months … and began my book Church Coup by recounting it in detail.

There are many things that I’d rather do than attend another church board meeting.  Here’s a sample:

*I would rather listen to Oprah babble on about her weight loss for a couple of hours.

*I would rather read the latest edition of Tax Instructions from the IRS.

*I would rather endure a root canal … even though the last one I had done required four hours of work over two days.

*I would rather attend a Celine Dion concert.  (I was once offered two free tickets to one of her shows, and I instinctively declined.)

*I would rather watch 50 commercials starring Flo from a certain nameless insurance company … one after the other.

*I would rather listen to Joel Osteen preach for more than a minute … and that’s stretching it.

*I would rather reassemble a document that I had run through the shredder.

*I would rather watch 7 reruns of the old Full House TV show … a show my kids used to watch … even though I never laughed even once.

*I would rather root for the Seattle Seahawks for an entire game … and for me, that would be pure torture.

*I would rather wait in a two hour security line at the airport.

*I would rather spend a day trading insults with the Dowager Countess of Grantham from Downton Abbey.

*I would rather spend an hour chasing our two chickens around the back yard.

*I would rather drive to Los Angeles (a distance of 100 miles) during rush hour.

*I would rather wear a suit and tie … something I last did when my son got married four-and-a-half years ago.

*I would rather endure two straight weeks of 100-degree+ temperatures.  (But please, God, don’t take that statement too seriously.)

*I would rather go camping … and I haven’t been since I was a youth pastor.

*I would rather stay in a Motel 6 with its paper-thin walls.

*I would rather drive through Oklahoma … easily the most boring of all the states on a cross-country road trip.

*I would rather use a Blackberry again.

Why do I feel this way?

Several weeks before my final board meeting years ago, my wife and I took a mission trip to Moldova, in Eastern Europe.  I led seminars two straight days for pastors on church conflict.  After that, we spent time in Wales, the Lake District, and Scotland.

We took a lot of great photos on our trip, but they’re hard to look at sometimes, because while we were overseas, the church board was plotting against me.

So not only was my last two-hour meeting with the board excruciating, but that meeting tainted all that came before it and afterward.

I once heard a prominent pastor describe the meetings of his elders.  They met in a home … they ate dinner together … they shared their lives … they prayed for each other … the pastor shared a report … and then he was permitted to go home while the rest of the board conducted business.

That pastor’s board was so loyal to him and so competent that he could trust them to make good decisions even when he wasn’t present.

I once heard a megachurch pastor tell about a time when he met with the church board.  After a brief time, he got up to leave.  One of the board members asked him, “Where are you going?”  The pastor replied, “I am going to take my daughter roller skating.”  The pastor was asked, “Isn’t this more important?”  The pastor replied, “Nothing is more important than taking my daughter roller skating.”  And he left.

For some reason, I could never do that.  I felt that I had to attend every board meeting … from beginning to end … not just because I felt the board needed my input, but because I wanted them to see me working and making decisions about the ministry.

And when I finally missed some meetings … because I was overseas … what did they do?

I’ve got to go.  I have to put down mats for the kids so they can take naps.  I also put sheets on their mats and oversee the kids for an hour while my wife takes a break.

I’d still rather do that than attend a board meeting anytime in the future.

Thank you, Lord, for knowing when and how to deliver your servants.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“Touch Not the Lord’s Anointed!”

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , on January 21, 2016| Leave a Comment »

Whenever I hear the story of a pastor under attack – whether the account comes from the pastor, one of his family members, or a board member – I wish I could utter some magic words and resolve the entire conflict peacefully.

In the minds of many Christians, those magic words already exist in the pages of the Old Testament.  Those words are:

“Touch not the Lord’s anointed!”

I first encountered this phrase in my early twenties when I was serving as a staff member under the supervision of a pastor.  Within a short time after I came to the church, the pastor and church council butted heads.

The council asked the pastor to carry out certain duties.  He agreed that he would do them, but then resisted.  The council became frustrated, and then the pastor promised that if they asked him to resign, he would do so.

They finally did ask him to resign, and he countered with, “Touch not the Lord’s anointed, and do thy prophets no harm.”

I guess in the pastor’s mind, those words – quoted as a proof text – were supposed to end all discussion about his future as pastor.

He had played his trump card.

I don’t remember how many council members backed off after hearing those words, but I know of two individuals who decided to go to Scripture and view those words in context.

I was one of them.

The first time we encounter the phrase, “Touch not the Lord’s anointed” in Scripture is in 1 Samuel 24 when David has the opportunity to kill Saul.  Let me share with you what I wrote about this passage in my book Church Coup:

“I have heard pastors under fire quote 1 Samuel 24:6 as a way of keeping their critics at bay.  While King Saul sleeps in the front of a cave, David – who is hiding in back with his men – creeps up and cuts off a corner of Saul’s robe, even though David’s men want him to murder Saul instead.  But David tells them, ‘The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.’  David speaks directly to Saul in verse 10 and utters a similar sentiment.  I’ve also heard pastors quote 1 Chronicles 16:22 to silence critics: ‘Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm.’

“These passages teach that God appoints and anoints leaders, whether kings or prophets.  (Paul states in Acts 20:28 that the Holy Spirit appoints pastors/elders as well.)  David knew he was the successor to Israel’s throne but would only secure it in God’s time and way.  But when David agreed not to ‘lift my hand’ against the Lord’s anointed, he was refusing to remove him from office by killing him.  (Israel didn’t vote on anything.)  Because the Lord selected leaders in the Old Testament, they could only be displaced by divine decree.  But since members elect their pastors in congregationally-run churches, they have the right to un-elect them as well.”

Let me delve a little deeper into this phrase by making four observations about it:

First, while we can draw some parallels between Israel’s leaders in the Old Testament and spiritual leaders today, we can’t press every detail.

David had the chance to kill Saul, but didn’t take it.  Good for him.  He didn’t want to become king by using violence … nor to become king prematurely.

But who is trying to kill pastors today?  Almost nobody.  When churchgoers attack their pastor, they attempt to remove him from office and destroy his reputation.  But that’s a far cry from the temptation confronting David: to become king by murdering Saul while he was sleeping.

However, I will say this: a cursory study of the Old Testament reveals that most of the time, God was the One who authorized the removal of a king, prophet, or priest from office.  He may have done this through human means: Saul was killed/committed suicide in battle; various kings were assassinated; a prophet like Isaiah was sawn in two.

But most of the time, God removed the leaders of His people through death by natural causes (like David himself) … and He let “nature” take its course.

Second, some Christians quote this phrase because Scripture doesn’t give us a lot of guidance concerning how to remove spiritual leaders.

For example, Paul never says in any of his 13 epistles: “Now here is the way to remove an elder/pastor from office …”  He doesn’t seem to even have envisioned it, which is why some churches believe that elders should be leaders for life.  It would have been helpful if Paul had included several extended sections on how a congregation could remove a spiritual leader in his writings, but he never did.

In 1 Timothy 5:19-21, Paul says that those elders/pastors who sin [continually] “are to be rebuked publicly,” but he doesn’t state explicitly that they should be removed from office.

This is why many churches … but not enough … create a section in their governing documents on how to remove the lead pastor from office.  Those documents may or may not cite Scripture with their directions, but because Scripture isn’t clear on how to pull this off, many churches have chosen to follow an extra-biblical/political process instead.

I believe that whenever we discern the theology of Scripture on any given topic, we need to take the whole of Scripture into account … so I don’t think this single phrase represents the entirety of the Bible’s thinking on the issue.

Third, the good thing about David’s words in 1 Samuel 24 is that he takes the call of God on Saul’s life seriously.

As talented as David ended up becoming, he didn’t call himself to become Israel’s second king.  God did that through a “not it” process involving Samuel the prophet selecting David instead of his brothers.

I don’t think most churches – or church boards – think very much about the fact that pastors haven’t chosen to go into church ministry by themselves.

No, pastors go through training and ordination because they believe that God has called them into the pastorate.

I served as the solo/senior pastor of four churches.  Nobody in those churches ever witnessed how hard I worked to obtain my Master of Divinity degree from Talbot.  Nobody saw me research and write my 100-page thesis for Dr. Robert Saucy.  No board members in those churches were present at my ordination council or commissioning service.

In other words, they did not witness all the events that transpired when I was called, trained, and commissioned for service.

And most board members, I would guess, have never even attended an ordination council or commissioning … so they don’t view the pastor as a called individual, but as a hired one.

But I do know this: I became a pastor not because my grandfather and father were pastors … not because I couldn’t do anything else with my life … not because I thought I would become rich and famous … but because God handpicked me to become a pastor when I was 19 years of age.

My general call to the pastorate was ratified when I was ordained.  My call to specific churches was ratified when a congregation voted on me to become their pastor.

God called me to be a pastor, and no board or person can take that call away from me.  As my friend Charles Chandler is fond of saying of churches, “They can take your position, but they can’t take your calling.”

But I don’t see church boards or church antagonists even referencing God’s call upon their pastor when they attack him … either his general call to ministry or his specific call to their congregation.

I believe this is a grave mistake.

The call of God upon a pastor’s life does not mean that he cannot be criticized or even removed from office.

But it does mean that such actions need to be engaged in carefully and soberly.  David carefully weighed the idea of removing Saul through murder and decided against it because God had called Saul to be king at that time … not David.

Many church boards need to decide against removing their pastor as well … and learn how to work things out in a biblical manner instead.

Finally, the call of God upon a pastor’s life does not protect him from the consequences of his own actions.

If a pastor drifts into heresy, sexual immorality, or criminal behavior, a church has the right … and the duty … to remove their pastor from office.

*If a pastor teaches that you can earn your salvation through good works … or that Christ’s death on the cross isn’t enough to save us … or that Jesus rose from the dead spiritually but not physically … that pastor is guilty of heresy and should be removed from office.

*If a pastor has been sleeping with a woman other than his wife … or he’s been sleeping with another man … or he’s been caught with a prostitute … quoting “Touch not the Lord’s anointed” just doesn’t wash.  The pastor has disqualified himself from office.

*If a pastor robs the local Best Buy … or smacks his kids around … or, God forbid, murders someone … he can’t yell, “Touch not the Lord’s anointed” as if he’s immune from correction and removal.

But sadly, this is how this phrase is sometimes used.  The pastor is saying, “I’m special … I’m above God’s law and man’s law … you can’t touch me … and if God wants to remove me from office, He will do so directly.”

But most of the time, God removes a sinning pastor through His people.

Now should proceedings begin to remove the pastor from office, I believe the pastor should be treated with dignity, respect, and love … even if he has disappointed many people.

I think of Paul’s words in 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13: “Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who word hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you.  Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work.  Live in peace with each other.”

If you’re a pastor, and you’re under fire in your church, please don’t use the phrase, “Touch not the Lord’s anointed” as a way of getting your critics – or the church board – to back off.

God doesn’t include that phrase in Scripture to provide you with ecclesiastical immunity.

And if you’re a board member, and your pastor has clearly been engaging in conduct that requires correction or removal from office, don’t even hesitate to move forward, even if he should tell people repeatedly, “Touch not the Lord’s anointed.”

There are many phrases I’d prefer that Christians use instead whenever a pastor is under attack … and Colossians 3:13 just may be my favorite:

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

 

 

 

 

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A Day in the Life of a Pastor

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on January 14, 2016| 11 Comments »

Pastor Karl woke up Monday morning with a splitting headache at 4:37 am after having the same nightmare he’d had for the past few weeks.

It was Sunday morning – 15 minutes before the worship service was scheduled to begin – and he had not prepared his sermon.

Karl wondered, “Why do I keep having the same nightmare?”  Whenever he got up to preach, he was always well-prepared … and everybody knew it.

Unable to get back to sleep, Karl stumbled into his home study, rubbed his eyes, and tried to have his quiet time.  As he read from 1 Kings about Elijah, that day’s packed schedule flooded into his mind.  He became so overwhelmed that he kept reading the same lines from Scripture over and over … but he couldn’t seem to grasp their meaning.

After a brief time of prayer, Karl sat in his chair, turned on the news, and fell asleep.

Waking with a start at 7:23, Karl awoke to find his two children had already left for school with his wife Valerie … so for a few minutes, he had the house all to himself.

As he ate breakfast, cleaned up, and got dressed, Karl continued to review that day’s schedule.  He kept telling himself, “I will be home tonight by 10 pm … I will be home tonight by 10 pm.”

Karl arrived at his church study at Family Bible Church at 8:28.  After putting his things on his desk, he walked into the church office to greet Amy, his office manager.  She promptly handed Karl an envelope and said, “It’s another anonymous letter … the second one within a week.  I think you better read it.”

Karl replied, “It’s not our policy to read unsigned correspondence.  If they don’t care enough to go on the record, how can we weigh their complaints or respond to their grievances?”

Amy responded, “I still think you should read it.”

Karl gave it back to her and told her to destroy it.

After signing some letters, Karl asked Amy, “Do you have the numbers from yesterday?”  Amy handed them to Karl.

For the third straight Sunday, overall attendance was down.  Karl couldn’t figure it out.  His sermons on marriage were relevant, the services seemed inspiring, and he’d received some great feedback from a cross-section of the congregation about his messages.

But the attendance figures didn’t reflect his optimism.

Just as ominous, Karl noticed that the offering was abysmal … about 25% less than the average amount the church needed every week to make budget.  Nothing made any sense.

Demoralized, Karl walked toward his office and was intercepted by the worship pastor, who reminded Karl that he would be on vacation the next two Sundays.  Just what we need, Karl said to himself: the B Team will be leading worship when we need the quality of the A Team more than ever.

Just as Karl breathed a brief prayer to the Lord for strength, Amy buzzed him and told him that Patti, the women’s team leader, was on the phone.  Patti was upset with the way the last two women’s events had gone … so upset that she threatened to quit.  Karl spent 45 minutes he didn’t have trying to get her to reconsider.

As he left his office for a much-needed bathroom break, Karl was intercepted by Joe and Tom, two of the seniors.  They wanted to know if Karl had a minute for them.  Karl assured them he would speak with them as soon as he returned from the men’s room.

Joe and Tom told Karl that several of the seniors were upset with him over his recent sermon on marriage … specifically the sermon where Karl preached on 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, Paul’s instructions on sex to married couples in Corinth.  The two men told Karl that the language he used was too graphic for some of the seniors to handle and that they would boycott the rest of his series on marriage as a result.

Karl tried to explain that for those under 60, the terms he used were mild and demonstrated relevance, but the two men said, “We just view ourselves as messengers.  We thought you needed to know.”

An anonymous letter … poor attendance and giving stats … the B team leading worship … and now a seniors’ boycott.  Karl wondered, “What else can go wrong today?”

Karl slipped into the worship center and tried to reach his wife on her cell phone … just for support … but she didn’t answer.

He prayed a brief prayer and returned to his study.

Checking his emails, Karl received two encouraging notes thanking him for last Sunday’s message on sex in marriage … but he also received two notes telling him that his sermon was too graphic.  Karl answered them all.  With one of the critical notes, he wrote several paragraphs … just for self-therapy … but then he erased everything and wrote a two-sentence reply instead.

Lunch was approaching, and Karl was scheduled to meet with Tim, whose family had been coming to the church for several weeks.  When Karl arrived at the restaurant at the scheduled time of 11:45, Tim was nowhere to be found.  He finally showed up at 12:10, causing Karl stress because he had so much to do that day.

Tim said some encouraging things about Family Bible, but then told Karl that if he had and his family were to stay, they needed to see improvement in the youth and children’s ministries.  Because Tim had an important position in a large company, Karl momentarily imagined him giving several thousand dollars a month to the church … helping to alleviate those nagging budgetary difficulties … but Karl swatted that thought away.  He then told Tim, “I will speak to the leaders of both ministries and see what I can do.”

When Karl returned from lunch, he looked through his mail, returned several phone calls, and then sat down for a marriage counseling session with a key couple from church.  Both partners led important ministries, and Karl had no idea there was anything wrong in their relationship.

An hour later, Karl felt like throwing up.  The woman claimed that her husband was guilty of physical abuse … the husband apologized for his temper … and Karl knew he couldn’t counsel them any further, so he recommended them to a local Christian counselor.  But now he knew too much about this couple’s relationship.  How could the husband remain a leader at church … and what was really going on in their marriage?

Since it was mid-afternoon, Karl decided to take a walk, and he ended up at the local drug store.  Trying to get his head together by killing a few minutes, two women from the church saw Karl and began telling them about problems they were having with their adult children.  Karl listened as best he could … offered to pray for them … and walked back to church … the last place he wanted to go.

After answering a few more emails and phone calls, Mike, the board chairman, showed up at Karl’s office for his 4 pm appointment.  The two leaders were supposed to review the agenda for that evening’s board meeting.  Karl asked Mike if he knew anything about the seniors’ boycott, and Mike assured Karl that he had heard nothing about it.

Mike then spent most of the session detailing his problems at work … draining Karl even further.

At 5:15, Karl drove home.  He changed clothes … looked at the mail … greeted his wife … conversed with his kids for a few minutes … and drove right back to church.

The board meeting … which began at 6 pm to accommodate the schedules of the board members … went downhill fast.  The board always reviewed the attendance and giving numbers, and two board members in particular wanted Mike to explain why both indicators were plunging.  Mike stammered out a response … he wasn’t ready for this grilling … but they didn’t seem satisfied.  “Oh, no,” Karl thought, “why aren’t they more supportive?  What’s going on around here?”

During the meeting, Karl received a text.  The senior leading the boycott against Karl’s marriage sermons was taken to the emergency room of the county hospital … 30 minutes away.  Should Karl stay in the board meeting or go to the hospital?

Karl asked the board.  They told him to go to the hospital.  When Karl got there, the senior had been placed in a room, and it was too late to see him.

Now Karl worried about what the board would say about him in his absence.

When he arrived home at 10:17, Karl’s wife Valerie was waiting for him.  She told him about her day … he told her about his … and they both went to bed.

But again, Karl had a hard time sleeping.

_______________

Being a pastor looks so glamorous to many people.  When the pastor stands up to preach on a Sunday morning, his voice is magnified … the lights shine on him … he seems to be in command … and best of all, he seems to be speaking for God.

My guess is that many young people sense a call to ministry by imagining themselves preaching to an enraptured congregation.

But preaching is only a small portion of church ministry for most pastors, even if it’s what most people think about when they mentally picture their pastor.

But the real work of ministry happens Monday through Saturday … behind the scenes … in a church’s offices and hallways as well as community restaurants … and it’s anything but glamorous.

Church ministry is incredibly stressful work.  The late management expert Peter Drucker said that being a local church pastor is one of the four most difficult jobs in America.

Why is this?

*People come at the pastor from all angles: appointments … phone calls … emails … letters … and even when he’s shopping.  And every time, the pastor feels like he has to be “on.”

*Church ministry is incredibly slow work.  People change slowly.  Congregations change even more slowly.  Pastors may be in a hurry for positive change, but almost nobody else is.

*Pastors have a hard time defining success.  Is it measured by statistics?  A full schedule?  Changed lives?  Faithfulness?

*Pastors are expected to give themselves completely to their congregations … but when can they replenish their own energy and strength?  After all, they work nights and weekends … times most people use to replenish themselves.

*Pastors often don’t know what people really think about them … and maybe that’s the only way they can stay sane.  But they also don’t know what people are saying about them, either, and such talk can end a pastor’s position … or career.

*Pastors can feel momentum shifting away from them in a congregation … and it feels like a very slow death.

_______________

I’ve had many days in church ministry like Pastor Karl.  In fact, much of Karl’s Very Bad Day originates from memories of my own time in ministry.

How do you feel about what I’ve written?

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How Should Christians View the Mistakes of Their Pastors?

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on January 7, 2016| 12 Comments »

I once served as the pastor of a church where the board chairman made a colossal mistake … and I didn’t know what to do about it.

The elders had hired a contracting team to renovate a warehouse we rented into a contemporary worship center.  The contractors we hired lacked a sense of urgency and weren’t making much progress.  Worst of all, when the contractors billed us, we paid them immediately … but they were diverting funds to other projects without paying their sub-contractors.

Concerned that we might be getting ripped off, I recommended to the elders that we consult with an attorney, who told us in no uncertain terms not to pay the contractors any more money until we received lien releases from all the sub-contractors.

One Friday afternoon, the contracting team met with the board chairman (I’ll call him Ben), another elder, and our associate pastor in my office.  (I wasn’t present.)  The contractors said that if we didn’t pay them even more money, they’d pull their people off the job.

Ben took out the church checkbook – he also served as leader of the finance team – and wrote the contractors a large check.  He wanted to keep the project moving along.  The associate pastor warned him not to do it … but Ben did it anyway.

When I was informed later that evening of what had taken place, I was justifiably angry.  Not only had Ben acted against the advice of our attorney, he had also paid the contractors in direct violation of the will of the other elders.

What in the world was I going to do?

Since I accounted directly to the elders … and since Ben was the chairman … in a very real sense, he was my boss.  How could I confront him – of all people – with wrongdoing?

After a terrible night, I arose that Saturday morning and drove to the warehouse.  There was a small room upstairs where some men held a half-hour prayer meeting early every Saturday.

Ben – who met me for prayer on Saturdays – was the only person to join me that day.

And he felt just terrible.

He told me softly but emphatically – with his head hanging down: “I blew it.”

I don’t recall what either one of us said after that, but as pastor, I had to discern how to handle Ben’s mistake.

I don’t remember how many Christian leaders I spoke with about Ben’s action, but I do recall talking to two in particular … and one gave me counsel that I’ve always appreciated.

This leader … who had known Ben for several decades but was now serving at another church … told me that I needed to put Ben’s blunder in the context of his total life and ministry.

This leader told me: “Ben has served the Lord faithfully as a layman ever since I’ve known him.  He has done it all joyfully and yet has never been paid a nickel.  His track record does not indicate that he’s made similar mistakes in the past, so please take his entire life and ministry into account as you make your decision.”

I finally decided that Ben could remain as chairman of the elders, but that he would have to step down as finance team leader.  (I never wanted him to hold two such positions – it concentrates too much power in one person’s hands – so it was an arrangement that I welcomed.)

I called Ben into my office and shared with him my decision.  He completely understood my reasoning and didn’t fight me.  He resigned as finance leader immediately.

I don’t think we ever discussed it again.

Years later, I left that church and moved hundreds of miles away.  I didn’t think I’d ever see Ben again.

But a few years ago, he and his wife were driving across the country, and the other elder I mentioned above invited me to lunch with Ben.  We had a great time.

Ben died several years ago, and although I wasn’t able to attend his memorial service, I wrote his wife a letter.  Although I can’t find the letter on my computer, I know that I didn’t mention his mistake more than two decades before.

In the context of his entire life, it simply didn’t matter.

We live in a culture that exhibits zero tolerance toward the mistakes of public persons.  Say or do the wrong thing in someone’s eyes, and they’ll mention it on Twitter … slam you in a blog … or denounce you in a press conference.

I fear that much of that spirit has leaked into our local churches.

There is great pressure on pastors to be perfect.  It’s a pressure that I felt every day during my 36 years in church ministry.

And it’s an impossible standard to meet.

In fact, it’s one of the reasons why I’m glad that I’m not a pastor anymore.

Because when a pastor misspeaks from the pulpit … or makes a less than stellar decision about a staff member … or doesn’t show up for a large social event … there are always people ready to pounce on him and denounce him.

But I maintain that we should view pastors – and all Christian leaders – through more charitable lenses.

Yes, pastors who are guilty of clear-cut heresy, sexual immorality, or criminal behavior need to be confronted – and fired.

But most of the time when a pastor makes a mistake, it doesn’t approach the gravity of these offenses … and yet there will always be someone who magnifies a mistake and concludes, “Let’s just fire the guy.”

In Ben’s case, his life and ministry were not defined by a single mistake.

Ben loved his wife and spoke highly of her.  He spent a bundle when his daughter got married.  When his father died, he invited his mother to live in his home.

I can still see him reading Scripture before board meetings … inviting the board to pray in the four corners of the warehouse before we starting using it … and reminding me all the time, “God is in control.”

And when I was attacked by a group in the church, he always supported me and encouraged me.

Because Ben didn’t define me by my mistakes, it made it easier for me not to define him that way as well.

So yes, I remember his mistake … but that’s not how I define him … and I’m sure that’s not how God defines him, either.

I think Satan wants us to focus on the flaws in God’s leaders so that we turn from them as examples.

Should we turn away from Abraham because he lied about Sarah being his sister?

Should we turn away from Moses because he angrily struck the rock in front of Israel?

Should we turn away from Elijah because he ran away in fear from Jezebel?

Should we turn away from half the Psalms because David impregnated Bathsheba and murdered her husband?

Should we turn away from most of the Book of Proverbs because Solomon had too many wives and concubines?

Should we turn away from Paul because he called the high priest “you whitewashed wall?”

Should we turn away from Timothy because he was shy and timid and often afraid?

Or should we factor in their flaws and mistakes but view their lives and ministries as a whole?

Yes, I know there’s more to be said on this subject … much more.

But for now, I want to encourage you to define the people in your life … including your pastors … not by their mistakes, but by their entire lives.

Isn’t that the way we want God to view us?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Toxic Churches and Wounded Pastors

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on December 17, 2015| 1 Comment »

“Tell me your story.”

Whenever a pastor under attack contacts me – whether he wants a listening ear, an analysis of his current situation, or some counsel – I encourage him to let me know what he’s going through.

Even though I’ve heard scores of such stories – and have my own to tell – I always learn something that allows me to help someone else down the road.

Years ago, Chris Creech – author of the recent book Toxic Church – heard similar stories from pastors, but he didn’t necessarily want to hear them.

Creech was a new missionary, trying to meet with pastors in hopes that the pastor would persuade church leaders to financially support his plan to teach at a seminary in Singapore.  He had also been a pastor and a church planter for nearly 30 years.

Creech opens his book – and all the information below is taken from its first chapter – by recounting a time when he met with a pastor named Bill and his wife Pat to ask for financial support … but the pastor needed emotional support from Creech instead.  Why?

Two elders had just met with that pastor and accused him of saying something that he had never said.  Creech recounts:

“They then asked Bill to offer his resignation.  They promised that if he refused to resign, they would make certain that he was fired.  They refused to listen to Bill’s explanations.  They had determined that Pastor Bill had to go!”

Creech continues:

“Bill was absolutely shocked.  The church was growing.  They had just completed a major building project.  The treasury was doing quite well.  They were even considering a new missionary (me).  How could they ask for his resignation on the basis of charges from nameless individuals and an attack from a person whose words were completely fraudulent?”

Creech then shares the dilemma that the pastor and his wife had:

“Should they fight the charges?  Would anyone believe them?  Would anyone care?  What would happen to Bill’s career if he left suddenly without a plausible explanation?  What church would consider him if he left without a place to go?  What would happen if they stayed to fight the charges and then were forced to leave?  Was there anyone who could help them with the struggle that was before them?”

After leaving the pastor and driving away, Creech was disturbed but wasn’t sure why.  Then it came to him:

“I was troubled because Pastor Bill’s experiences mirrored my own when I was serving a troubled church.  I too had been wounded, and I still felt the pain of being attacked.  When I listened to the lament of my new friends, Bill and Pat, I was reliving the horror that had been a part of my life.”

As Creech continued to meet with pastors and seek financial support, his experience with Bill and Pat was repeated “over a dozen times.”

*One pastor said a member of his church had died because of the attacks against him.

*Another pastor’s child committed suicide after a church member waged “a relentless war against him and his family.”

*Pastors endured serious physical ailments related to their attacks.

*Pastors had been falsely accused of “adultery, doctrinal impurity, or some other ethical or moral misconduct.”

*Staff members often colluded with the pastor’s primary accuser.

One Sunday morning, Creech was preaching, and during the early part of the service “the sanctuary had emptied of many members of the congregation, including the pastor … after the worship, the pastor told me that he had been meeting with the church’s board during the worship service.  He had been fired …”

Can you believe that?  He was fired during the worship service!

And then Creech writes:

“We have now been on the mission field for many years.  All of the struggling pastors I met during our support raising days have been forced to leave their churches with the exception of two.  These two are surviving, but barely…. Three of our supporting churches have closed their doors since we began our ministry in Southeast Asia.  Struggles between pastors and churches were a significant part of the closing of two of these churches.”

Creech’s book – and I’m not done reading it yet, but I highly recommend it so far – dramatizes what is clearly becoming a serious problem in many of our churches.

Let me make four observations based on what I’ve shared from Creech’s book:

First, the problem of pastoral termination is too widespread to be completely the fault of pastors.

Yes, a few pastors are arrogant and narcissistic … a few others are controlling and manipulative … and a few more are just plain incompetent.

But there can’t be that many bad pastors in Christian churches.

Pastors are chosen by God … trained by seminaries … ordained by churches … and called to congregations.  They are highly specialized professionals.

The root cause lies elsewhere.

Second, various church leaders – especially members of the official board – are acting independently of boards in other congregations.

I’m not aware of any blogs, newsletters, or books that encourage church boards on how to push out their pastors.  In other words, this phenomenon is not organized … on earth, anyway.

I see two issues at work when pastors are terminated:

*The church board is unable to think biblically, rationally, and creatively when someone – often another board member, staff member, or key church leader – makes a serious accusation against the pastor.

Board members don’t ask themselves, “What process does the Bible prescribe in this situation?”  They don’t ask, “Why don’t we individually think and pray about this accusation before we take action?”  They don’t ask, “If this accusation turns out to be true, how can we deal with the pastor without pressing for his resignation first?”

Instead, someone blurts out, “I think the pastor needs to go” … another board member chimes in, “I agree!” … and the flame becomes a firestorm.

*The enemy slips into the inner circle of the church undetected.

And he uses the same entry point nearly every time: a church leader who is angry with the pastor over a personal and perceived injustice.

Paul says in Ephesians 4:26-27 that when we let the sun go down on our anger – when we let it fester and grow into bitterness – we give the devil a foothold into our lives and churches.

Just once, when a board member complains about his pastor, I’d love to hear another board member tell him, “It sounds like you have something personal against the pastor.  Why don’t you meet with him and work it out?”

Just once.

Third, church leaders move to power too quickly when love would be far more effective.

When Chris Creech told the story of Pastor Bill’s meeting with the two elders, the elders never tried to use love as a methodology.

Love would have said to Pastor Bill, “We’ve just heard someone make a serious accusation against you.  We’d like to set up a meeting between the two of you.  Our prayer is that this issue can be resolved quickly and peacefully and that you can continue to enjoy a productive ministry here.”

Instead, power said, “We don’t care if this accusation against you is true or not.  In fact, it’s such a serious charge that as far as we’re concerned, you’re through around here!  Pack your bags, pastor, or we’ll pack them for you!”

When the pastor finally resigns, the average churchgoer will hear, “The pastor said something so offensive to someone that he was forced to quit.”

But the reality is that those two elders – possibly without the knowledge of the others – were the real culprits in the pastor’s departure.

In my own case six years ago, the board never tried love.  They went straight to power.  Mass casualties resulted.

Finally, we need strong, determined, principled Christians to stand up to those who bully pastors – even if the bullies are on the church board.

The problem, of course, is that the bullies do most of their plotting behind closed doors.

But inevitably, the plot leaks into the congregation, and some people hear about it.

If I was one of those individuals, I would:

*find out who was on the church board

*ask around to find out which board member was most approachable

*ask to speak with him/her as soon as possible

*ask if the pastor is under fire

*and then ask, “What process are you using to insure that the pastor is treated biblically and justly?”

When there is no predetermined process, the pastor is being evaluated by church politics instead.

Predetermined processes heal pastors and congregations.

Church politics destroy everybody and everything.

I encourage you to obtain and read the book Toxic Church by Chris Creech.  The Kindle edition on Amazon is still selling for only $4.97.

Read Toxic Church … and both you and your congregation can become much healthier.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Four Times that Conflict is Likely in a Church

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on December 10, 2015| Leave a Comment »

I live about thirty miles from San Bernardino, California – the city where a husband and wife team committed horrendous atrocities last week.

Because our entire country is understandably anxious right now, the amount of conflict – reflected in public rhetoric – has also risen among us.

Whenever anxiety rises – whether it’s in a country, a workplace, a family, or a church – conflict inevitably escalates as a result.

There are times in every group when anxiety – and thus conflict – are predictable.

And when we know that anxiety is likely, we can create strategies to lessen the anxiety level – which will lessen any possible conflict as well.

Let me share with you four times that conflict is likely in a church – and I could have included many additional examples:

First, conflict is likely whenever guests are coming over.

My wife and I hosted a Thanksgiving meal at our house two weeks ago.  We had fifteen people show up, including our son and his family, our daughter, and my wife’s twin brother and his family.

Because my wife and I wanted everything to go perfectly, we engaged in meticulous preparation.  We created a menu, bought the food, determined seating, cleaned the house thoroughly, and let everyone know that we were having brunch (without turkey) at 10:30 that morning.

Not everything went optimally, though.  Because we have a preschool in our house – and because we don’t own a dining room table – our guests had to sit in small chairs at low tables.  And because many family members wanted to help cook the food, it was hard at times to move around the kitchen.

But everyone was in such a good mood that we easily overcame those temporary obstacles.

Churches have times during the year when they anticipate company as well, such as Easter Sunday, Mother’s Day, and Christmas Eve.

And because pastors and church leaders are aware that guests will be visiting on those days, they want to create the finest possible impression … but sometimes, people differ on what that looks like.

Many years ago, I pastored a church that was having a Christmas Eve service that started early in the evening.

Some key participants in that service weren’t able to leave work on time, so when they arrived for rehearsal, they were late … but they still wanted to go over their parts until they were satisfied.

When it was time to start the service, our guests were gathered outside the double doors to the auditorium because those involved in the service were still practicing inside.

Watching those guests fidget, I went to our programming director and said, “I don’t care if you’re ready or not, we’re opening these doors right now.”  Although he pushed back, I felt it was important to start at the time we had advertised.

Thank God, we worked things out later on, but I’ve learned that whenever a church is having a big service … or a large event … designed to make a positive impression on newcomers … conflict inevitably results.

Second, conflict is likely when there are changes in a pastor’s family.

I attended some seminars many years ago where the presenters made the following statement:

“For many people in a church, the pastor assumes the role of a father, and his wife assumes the role of a mother.”

And, we might add, some in the congregation see themselves as their children.

As long as the pastor and his wife seem healthy and happy, the congregation feels secure.

But if the pastor and his wife experience disconcerting change, it can affect the entire church family.

Many years ago, I had a friend who was the associate pastor at his church.  While he was there, the senior pastor had a heart attack and was hospitalized.

The church didn’t want to terminate their pastor in his hour of need, but the longer he was out of commission, the more anxious the congregation became.  As I recall, it was his third heart attack, and his recovery period stretched for months.

The church board wanted the associate pastor to provide leadership for the congregation, but he felt that if he did, he would be betraying his supervisor.

Over time, the congregation shrank to such an extent that they had to borrow money from the denomination just to pay their bills … and the entire incident created great anxiety and conflict.

A pastor is a part of three families: his family of origin … his current family … and his church family.

And any change in one family will provoke change in the other families.

So if the pastor gets sick … or his sister dies … or his son gets in trouble at school … or his wife has an operation … the changes in the pastor’s family will cause him weakness, or sorrow, or disappointment, or fear … and those changes in his life are bound to spill over into the congregation.

And when the pastor isn’t acting “normally,” that anxiety inevitably leads to conflict.

In fact, when changes hit the pastor and his family, it’s common for a staff member or a board member to sense that the pastor is now in a weakened position, and to save the church, they assign themselves the role of LEADER and start making decisions that the pastor would usually make … leading to even more conflict.

Third, conflict is likely when the pastor is away.

Whether the pastor goes on vacation … or takes a sabbatical … or is hospitalized … or engages in continuing education … when he’s not around for several weeks, it creates anxiety around the church, and conflict is usually the result.

I once worked for a pastor who took a trip around the world.  His trip took an entire month.  Less than a year later, he was unemployed.

While he was gone, the people who didn’t like him had the opportunity to meet, gripe, and organize without his knowledge.

Nine years ago, I took a much-needed sabbatical.  I was entitled to at least three months off, but because the church had never had a pastor take a sabbatical before, I limited my time away to six weeks.

I went to Europe with my daughter … my wife flew out and joined us … my daughter flew home … and my wife and I went to Moldova for a week of ministry there.

I remember going out to breakfast with the board chairman and another member, reviewing every single issue in writing that I could anticipate … but I couldn’t anticipate everything.

I had lined up all the speakers before I left, including an author and an expert on Islam, but he cancelled his talk while I was away, and church leaders had to create a Plan B.

Unfortunately, Plan B created conflict that ended up lasting for many months.

I didn’t have a cell phone that worked in Europe back then, and if I had one, church leaders could have contacted me and the whole conflict could have been averted.

But the longer a pastor is away, the greater the chance that disgruntled people will start opposing him behind his back.

My wife and I twice visited a church recently where the pastor was teaching Christian leaders in Europe.  At each service, a video clip was played of the pastor greeting the congregation and briefly describing his ministry overseas.

I thought to myself, “That’s really smart.  It seems like the pastor is looking at us … even though he can’t see us … and we can see him as well.  It’s a reminder that he’s the pastor and that he’ll soon return.”

If a pastor knows he can trust the church staff and church board, then he can go away for a few weeks without fear.  But if has any doubts at all … it’s better to take shorter trips.

Finally, conflict is likely when just one staff member rebels.

It’s my belief that when a pastor hires a staff member, that person needs to be 100% loyal to him, both in public and in private.

And if that staff member can no longer demonstrate loyalty, he or she should resign and leave the church.

A disgruntled staff member should not stay at the church … should not spread their discontent to other staff … should not meet with a board member and trash the pastor … and above all, should not lead a rebellion against the pastor.

But I’ve been hearing more and more stories of staff rebellion, and it troubles me greatly.

In some cases, a staff member will claim that the pastor hurt his/her feelings, so they are justified in resisting the pastor’s leadership.

In other cases, a staff member starts to believe that he/she is more competent than the pastor … a sure sign that staff member should find another position somewhere else.

But in still more cases, a staff member believes that he or she should become the pastor, so they use any and every means necessary to push out the pastor.

For the life of me, I can’t understand this thinking.

In such cases, I always go back to the story of Moses and Korah in Numbers 16.

Moses was a deeply flawed leader.  He was reluctant to serve … very old … prone to frustration … and wasn’t leading Israel anywhere productive.

Korah, Dathan, and Abiram – members of Moses’ staff – led a rebellion against him … and felt they had every right to do so.

But when the ground later opened up, Moses was the only leader still standing on solid ground.

Why?  BECAUSE GOD HAD CALLED MOSES TO LEAD ISRAEL, NOT ANY OF THE OTHERS.

And the same thing is true today.  Regardless of a pastor’s personality flaws or creeping age, if God has called that person to be the pastor, then staff members either need to follow him or resign.

But if a staff member resists the pastor’s leadership … or openly rebels against him … his/her actions will become known, and send the signal to others, “We don’t have to follow the pastor’s leadership anymore.  We can all rebel.”

And World War 3 will break out in that church.

Church leaders can write policy manuals that hope to cover every possible situation, but regardless of their detailed planning, some anxiety-provoking event will always surface in a congregation.

Long beforehand, the wise pastor will tell his people:

“Not everything will go perfectly in this church.  No matter how well we plan, we will occasionally experience bumps and glitches along the road.  But when those situations occur, let’s resolve together to stay calm, to talk things out, to confess our shortcomings, and to forgive each other.  If we do that, we’ll triumph regardless of the issue.”

While we can’t stop anxiety from invading a congregation, wise leaders acknowledge that anxiety … bringing the level of conflict down … which enables God’s people to create spiritual and rational decisions rather than emotional and drastic ones.

What is the anxiety level of your congregation these days?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“I Destroyed My Pastor”

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on December 4, 2015| Leave a Comment »

I have a confession to make … and it’s very painful indeed.

My name is Shirley.  Earlier this year, I said something to a friend that eventually resulted in devastation for our pastor … his family … our church … and my family.

Several months ago, I came home from work early one day, and I passed by the home of my friend Sandi.

Sandi’s car was in the driveway, but her husband’s car was gone, and a Ford truck – belonging to our pastor – was parked in front of Sandi’s house.

My first thought was, “Could something be going on between Sandi and Pastor Joe?”

So I drove by several more times later that afternoon, just to be certain, and sure enough, the pastor’s truck was still there.

By 4:45, Pastor Joe’s truck was gone, and by 5:35, the car of Sandi’s husband was parked in their driveway.

I was suspicious.  Years before, I knew someone whose church was devastated when it was discovered that the pastor was having an affair, so I’ve always been on the lookout for such signs.

Of course, I didn’t have any proof that anything was happening between the pastor and Sandi, but if something was happening, I didn’t want to remain silent, either.

So I called Beth, a good friend and the wife of a board member, and told her what I saw.  Beth thanked me for my call.

Two weeks later, the conversation at church was dominated by a single topic: Pastor Joe and Sandi were having an affair!

For the next several Sundays, the congregation was full of tension.  People stood around in cliques and spoke in hushed tones before and after services.  I happened to walk by two groups, and overheard both of them discussing the same topic: the relationship between the pastor and Sandi.

But I didn’t dare tell anyone that I was the person who initially raised the issue.

Beth told me that the board had already held an emergency meeting without Pastor Joe.  Then the board called another meeting and met with Pastor Joe alone, who vigorously denied that he was having an affair with Sandi.

But right around that time, I started receiving emails and phone calls from people at church claiming that the pastor was guilty of even more wrongdoing.

He was accused of mishandling church funds … of firing the youth minister out of jealousy … of ignoring the seniors in our church … and of mismanaging his family.

Suddenly, it was open season on Pastor Joe.

There were so many rumors flying around about his character and conduct that the board didn’t know what to do.

Due to their anxiety, some important families threatened to leave the church unless Pastor Joe was fired, so the board asked for Pastor Joe’s resignation.

But the pastor didn’t want to resign.  He claimed that he had done nothing wrong, and that all the rumors were really overreactions.

But nobody seemed to hear Pastor Joe’s denials … they only focused on all the new charges.

And then two staff members … several members of the church board … and leaders from the women’s ministry made additional charges against Pastor Joe.

The staff members claimed that he never affirmed them and demanded too much from them.

Several board members stated that the pastor’s marriage must be in shambles because of his affair.

The women’s ministry leaders stated that Pastor Joe didn’t like women and that he always made them feel uncomfortable.

And on and on and on …

It’s been months since Pastor Joe finally left the church.  We have an interim pastor now, but we’ve lost one-third of our congregation … including some of my best friends … and the board has sent out three letters begging the congregation to give more money by year’s end or we won’t be able to pay our bills.

In the meantime, I eventually found out the real reason why Pastor Joe was at Sandi’s house that afternoon.

Sandi’s husband Neil was raised by an uncle.  The uncle lived across the country, and died suddenly of a heart attack.

The news devastated Neil.  He called Pastor Joe and asked him to come to his house right away.

When Pastor Joe went inside Sandi’s house, Neil was there the whole time … and Neil’s car was missing because it was in a repair shop.

If a couple need counseling, they usually go the pastor’s office at church … but if there’s a death in the family, the pastor usually goes to see them in their house.

I should have known that, but for some reason, I forgot.

Right now, I’m wracked with guilt … and I don’t want to tell anybody what I said or who I said it to.

I just pray that someday, Pastor Joe can forgive me.

_______________

This story is a composite of stories I’ve heard from pastors and board members, although I do know a situation where a pastor was forced to resign because his car was parked outside a woman’s house.

There are several themes to this sad but increasingly common narrative:

First, Shirley should have checked with either Pastor Joe or Sandi before she shared her suspicions with anyone else at church.

She might have emailed the pastor and said, “Hey, I noticed your truck at Neil and Sandi’s house last week.  Is everything okay?”

Or she might have walked up to Sandi at church the next Sunday and said, “I noticed that the pastor’s truck was outside your house last Thursday.  I hope things are all right with your family.”

Either way, she would have learned the true situation … since neither party had anything to hide … and that would have been the end of it.

Instead, Shirley failed to speak with either party and went straight to Beth, who talked to her husband, who passed Shirley’s suspicions on to the entire board … needlessly multiplying the number of people involved.

Second, Beth’s husband should have spoken immediately with the pastor and let him share his side of the story.

But he didn’t. Instead, he called the board chairman, who believed that since a board member was making the accusation against the pastor, it must be true.

But Beth’s husband didn’t make an accusation … he just raised a suspicion.  But that distinction was lost on the board chairman.

Unfortunately, with many people, a private suspicion is the same thing as a formal accusation because they hear things emotionally, not rationally.

The chairman could have told Beth’s husband, “Why don’t you call the pastor and find out why he was at Sandi’s house?”

Or the chairman could have suggested, “How would you feel if I called the pastor and got his side of the story?”

Instead, the chairman called a meeting of the entire board … escalating matters … and again, involving way too many people.

Third, the board didn’t keep a lid on their emergency meeting nor its purpose.

How many gossiping board members does it take to bring down a pastor?

Just one.

And how many gossiping board member’s wives does it take to bring down a pastor?

Just one.

There are a few people in every church who can be trusted to keep important matters confidential.

However, there are many more people who can’t be trusted with anything important.

But some church leaders want to make themselves look significant.  They long to tell people, “I know something you don’t know about our pastor.”

But when they do that … especially when they’re passing on false or incomplete information … the results can be deadly.

When certain people inside a church hear either a board member or a board member’s wife make a serious charge against their pastor, they focus on who is making the charge just as much as the charge itself.

In other words, they take the charge as the gospel truth without any independent verification.

Although those leaders could be completely wrong, their office and status in the church makes them automatically believable to many individuals.

Fourth, when a pastor denies accusations made against him, some people will ignore his protests and bury him with even more accusations.

I can’t get my head around this reality, but it happens all the time.

Because they’re public and influential figures, pastors are frequently accused of wrongdoing.

Sometimes the accusations are made in a restaurant after a Sunday service … or in a car driving home … or after a small group meeting … or via email or texting.

Let’s say a pastor is accused by various churchgoers of doing 100 things wrong in a church one year.

And let’s say that 93 of the accusations are made in private and never circulate inside the congregation, so they just disappear.

Then let’s say that four accusations are brought directly to the pastor’s attention, and he refutes them with ease.

And let’s say that two accusations are brought to the board, and they check with their pastor, who again debunks them.

But let’s say one accusation takes on a life of its own, and that key leaders believe it … and spread it … without ever checking with the pastor first.

That single unproven, unverified accusation has the potential to end the pastor’s tenure in that church.

Because when an accusation circulates long enough … and is passed around to enough people … it takes on a life of its own even if it’s untrue … because the pastor doesn’t know anything about it.

Paul’s caution to Timothy must be among the least-obeyed verses in the entire New Testament:

Do not entertain an accusation against an elder [includes pastors; see verses 17-18] unless it is brought by two or three witnesses.  1 Timothy 5:19

Did you catch that?  The elders/board and the congregation should not even entertain an accusation against a pastor unless two or three witnesses are willing to go on the record.

And going on the record means that when they make their accusations, the pastor is allowed to face his accusers and respond to them.

In our little story, Shirley saw the pastor’s truck.  Beth didn’t … her husband didn’t … and the board chairman didn’t … but none of them possessed the wisdom or the courage to speak with the pastor directly.

The result?

Devastation all around.

Fifth, when one serious allegation about a pastor circulates around the church, people often add their own grievances to the mix.

I hear this story all the time.

Let’s say that a board member is telling people that the pastor has mishandled his expense account … and that the news is getting around the church.

When some people sense that the pastor is in trouble, it’s common for them to throw their own complaints about him into the hopper.

Rather than praying for the pastor and their church … or assuming a confident stance that the pastor will be exonerated … or waiting for an investigation to determine the truth … these individuals “pile on” the pastor with their own bitter feelings about him.

And when those allegations reach critical mass, the pastor can’t answer them all, and because those charges hang over him unresolved, he usually has to resign.

Finally, God’s people are all too quick to believe the worst about their pastors.

Becoming a credentialed pastor requires a lot of work.

I was a pastor for 36 years.  To become a pastor:

*I attended a Christian liberal arts college for four years before graduating.

*I attended seminary for five years to earn a Master of Divinity degree.

*I was ordained in my home church, which required that I share my conversion testimony, call to ministry, and a written statement of faith before several dozen Christian leaders, mostly pastors.

*I borrowed funds to complete my education (some prospective pastors borrow tens of thousands of dollars).

*I spent seven more years earning a Doctor of Ministry degree.

I wanted to be the best pastor I could be … and thousands of my colleagues have walked a similar path to gain their credentials.

But in today’s climate, one false allegation … one unsubstantiated rumor … can end not only a pastor’s tenure in a particular church, but also his entire career.

If a pastor is guilty of heresy, sexual immorality, or criminal behavior, he should resign voluntarily, and if he doesn’t, a church board has every right to dismiss him from office while still treating him with dignity and compassion.

But so often, a pastor is forced to resign, not because he did anything wrong, but because church leaders … usually those on the official board … let church politics determine their pastor’s future rather than devising and implementing a biblical, fair, and just process to evaluate any accusations made against him.

The pastor ends up leaving the church because church leaders let the accusations against him get out of hand.

Earlier I mentioned that I know a pastor who was forced to resign because his car was parked outside the home of a woman in his congregation.

Years later, a new pastor came to that church, and asked the previous pastor to return so the congregation could ask the pastor to forgive them for the way they mistreated him.

Maybe Shirley will repent, too, for the way she started the rumor mill grinding about her pastor.

But she shouldn’t be the only one to repent.

There’s more than enough blame to go around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why Don’t Pastors Under Attack Just Resign?

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , on November 18, 2015| 3 Comments »

Five years into my second pastorate, I was reviewing my sermon one Sunday morning in a small room in our educational building.  Although I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, I could hear the booming voice of the teacher of the seniors class through the wall.

Without mentioning me by name, he was pounding away at some of the changes I’d been instituting, implying that he was the guardian and protector of the old, more orthodox ways.

After hearing his critiques, I felt like drawing away from him and his class, not toward them.

That group eventually met and compiled a list of my faults, even including my wife and two young children in their “Jim-is-horrible-and-has-to-go” list.

My crimes?

The faction didn’t like the changes the board and I had been making to the worship service (and I made them all with board approval) and to the church’s governing documents.

But I think the real reason for their attack is that they felt that I was neglecting them, and they were partly right, because some of them were really nasty.

The ringleader of the faction also called my district minister, who told me on the phone one night that he thought I should resign.

But I didn’t.

I felt like it.  My heart was broken … my nerves were frayed … and my resolve was all gone.

But I stayed … largely because the church board backed me to a man … so the faction moved a mile away and started a new church.

I know what it’s like to be under attack as a pastor, and I know how awful it feels to have Christian people – who claim to love Jesus – calling for your head.

Some Christian leaders believe that when a pastor is under attack, he should quickly and quietly resign and leave the church intact.

But I don’t believe that such an automatic response is either biblical or wise.

So when pastors are under attack, why don’t they immediately quit?

First, most pastors have a strong sense of God’s call.

When a pastor is invited to lead a particular church, he believes that God has called him to that place.

And for many … if not most pastors … they won’t leave that place unless God clearly calls them away.

Most of the time, a pastor believes that God is calling him away when another church or ministry invites him to be their new leader, and the pastor senses that God is behind it.

But short of such an overture, most pastors believe that when God has called them to a church, they must stay … unless God un-calls them in some fashion.

Is it possible that God can use an attacking faction to un-call a pastor?

I suppose so, but there’s one huge problem with that scenario: the pastor can’t hear the voice of God coming through his attackers.

In fact, he usually hears a distinctly ungodly voice coming through his opponents instead.

Second, most pastors lack a Plan B in case their church situation doesn’t work out.

Most pastors that I know are 100% committed to their current congregations.

They aren’t looking around for greener pastures, perusing pastoral openings, sending out resumes, or doing proactive networking.

Because looking for another ministry position causes a pastor to lose focus and have diminished energy, most pastors are counseled to stay in their present congregations and work through the problems rather than run from them.

So when a faction starts tossing their grievances around the church, the pastor’s instinct isn’t to quit … it’s to identify the problems and solve them.

During my second pastorate, I wanted to quit every other Monday … but I didn’t.

That resilience served me well, because I never seriously entertained quitting during my third and fourth pastorates … a total of nearly 18 years … until leaving was the only option in both situations.

I once knew a pastor who was forced out of his church.  He and his wife quickly moved across the country where he secured a job working with his hands.

But many of us in ministry … and I include myself … only know how to do one thing in life: pastor a church.

So once God calls us somewhere, it’s our tendency to stay, not leave.

Third, most pastors hope and pray that someone – especially the church board – will neutralize or defeat the attackers.

When a pastor is under attack, he cannot effectively lead a charge against his opposition because he is emotionally wounded.

He can strategize.  He can amass a defense.  He can fall to his knees in prayer.

But he cannot take on his critics by himself.  He will need reinforcements.

If nobody comes to the pastor’s defense, and the attackers don’t leave the church, the pastor will be forced to quit.

But if the church board – or some strong, veteran Christians – comes to his aid, the pastor can often survive.

I was a pastor for nearly 36 years, and although I was attacked at various times by individuals, there were only two occasions when the aim of the attacks was to force me out.

The first time, as I mentioned above, the church board came to my defense.

The second time, a group of seven people surrounded my wife and me and again came to our defense … but over the past few years, I have learned how exceedingly rare this is, because the pastor’s attackers will vilify anyone who supports or defends him.

In the last chapter he ever composed, the apostle Paul  wrote, “At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me.  May it not be held against them” (2 Timothy 4:16).

When no one comes to the pastor’s support in the midst of an attack, he’s usually dead meat.

And in such situations, the pastor may choose to resign, not because he was attacked, but because nobody came to his defense.

I have a pastor friend who was once enjoying a fruitful ministry in a church.

He was falsely accused of something, so he went to the church board to ask for their support.

He told them, “You know that accusation is not true.  You know me better than that.”

But rather than supporting their pastor, the board cowered, so the pastor resigned.

He didn’t quit because of the false accusations.  He quit because of tepid support.

Fourth, most pastors hope and pray they can outlast their opposition.

Even though many pastors under attack become emotional basket cases, this thought permeates their brain: “If I hang on, and dig in my heels, and keep doing my job, my opponents will all leave the church.”

Sometimes that sentiment works … and sometimes it doesn’t.

When the attacking faction reaches the point where they’re telling people, “Either the pastor leaves, or we will,” the faction will usually turn up the heat on their pastor.

They will intensify their attacks by making increasingly outlandish charges … creating more and more accusations … soliciting still more charges from former members and staffers … and pressuring staff members and board members to join their cause.

If the church board states unequivocally that they are behind their pastor, the faction will probably leave the church … blaming the pastor on the way out.

If the board is split … some supporting the pastor, others supporting the faction … the pastor may be able to stay as long as any detracting board members don’t join the faction.

But if the board wilts and fails to support their God-called leader, the faction will sense they have permission to go after the pastor.

In the first church where I was attacked, my opposition left the church together.

The second time it happened, the church board resigned en masse, but my other opponents stayed.

I didn’t leave when my detractors wanted me to leave … I left when I sensed that God wanted me to leave.

And there’s a huge difference between the two.

Fifth, most pastors hope to buy time to figure out what to do next.

They don’t resign right away because they have nowhere to go and no visible means of supporting their families.

I think it’s cruel to terminate a pastor involuntarily without providing for his immediate financial future.

And even if the pastor is a jerk, if he has a family, I believe the church has an obligation to care for them.

Let’s imagine that a pastor makes $60,000 a year, and that he gives 10% of that amount to the church.

Over five years, he’s tithed $30,000.  Over ten years, he’s tithed $60,000.  That’s a lot of money.

Most employees don’t give back 10% of their income to their employers … but pastors do.

Yes, the pastor gives those funds away freely, and yes, he shouldn’t expect anyone at church to return those funds back to him.

But since he has freely given, if the board wants him to quit, shouldn’t they freely provide him with a workable separation package?

There are board members in some churches who don’t want to give the pastor any severance at all.  They want to control the money after the pastor leaves, so they concoct reasons why they don’t have to give the pastor any severance.

I think that kind of behavior is despicable.

It usually takes a pastor a minimum of one year to find a new ministry … and if he’s not currently serving in a church, it can take even longer.

When a pastor comes to a church, he puts his faith, his future, and his family in the hands of the congregation and its leaders.

So if they’re going to force him to leave, they need to take care of his family … with a severance package of at least six months.

When I counsel pastors, some receive a three-month package … some receive six months … but only a few don’t receive anything.

Personally, I believe that a pastor under fire should not agree to resign until the church board offers him a written separation package.

And if they won’t agree to give the pastor anything financially, then the pastor should stay and keep on doing ministry until either the board quits or they agree to take care of the pastor and his family.

I believe there are three scenarios where a pastor may consider quitting unilaterally and immediately … even without a separation package in place:

*If the pastor is guilty of heresy, sexual immorality, or criminal behavior, he should offer his resignation to the church board … the sooner the better … although the pastor still has a family that requires care.

*If the pastor’s family is being attacked, he may choose to resign to stop the abuse.

*If the pastor’s detractors begin a campaign against him … soliciting signatures on a petition, calling for a meeting to vote him out, engaging in slander via the telephone … then the pastor may want to quit so that God’s people are not permanently damaged.

I don’t pretend that what I’ve written is the last word on this issue, so I invite you to join the conversation.

Under what circumstances should a pastor under attack just leave?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Are Churches Pushing Out Older Pastors?

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on November 6, 2015| 2 Comments »

My wife Kim and I have been noticing something recently.

It seems to us that more often than not, whenever we hear that still another pastor has been forced to resign from his church, that pastor falls into the 55-65 age category … and he is usually in his early 60s.

I was thinking about this pattern recently when I ran across an article last weekend about the Washington Nationals pursuit of a new manager.

Even though he was interviewed for the job, 66-year-old Dusty Baker – formerly Manager of the Year three times with the Giants, Cubs, and Reds – was not initially hired by the Nationals.

Speaking of himself as both an African-American and an older manager, Baker told John Shea of the San Francisco Chronicle:

“How many teams are willing to accept what we have to offer?  We’ve got something to offer,” Baker said.  “How much respect do they have for my knowledge and expertise and wisdom over the years?  There’s a certain thing called a life experience degree.  There used to be.”

You’re right, Dusty … there used to be respect for “knowledge and expertise and wisdom over the years.”  But in all too many churches these days, those qualities seem to count for nothing.

(After the Nationals announced that Bud Black was hired as manager, Black turned down the position, and Dusty Baker – who is a great guy – was hired instead.)

Even though I see a pattern starting to develop, maybe older pastors aren’t more likely to be forced out than younger ones.

But assuming my premise has merit, why would any church force out a pastor just because of his age?

Let me suggest five reasons among many … and these are just ideas, not laws cut in stone:

First, older pastors are perceived to be less energetic than younger pastors.

This may or may not be the case.

Some younger pastors are entitled and lazy, refusing to work more than 40 hours.  I have worked with and met some of these people.

On the other hand, many older pastors – if not most – work at least 50 hours a week, many working at least 60.

I suppose it’s generally true that pastors older than 55 have slowed down a bit, but so what?  They more than make up for it with their vast experience and hard-earned wisdom.

Proverbs 20:29 puts it this way: “The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.”

Proverbs 16:31 adds, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.”

Yes, young men usually have greater physical strength than older men, but the gray hair of older men is twice equated with “splendor” or respect in Proverbs.

I don’t like or agree with the perception that older pastors are fading and falling apart, but probably some people in every church believe this.

Second, older pastors are perceived to be less “cool” than younger pastors.

There are millions of Americans who act like life began the day they were born.

They aren’t interested in much of anything that came before them.  They don’t care about how great a pitcher Sandy Koufax was … or what a great songwriter Bob Dylan was and still is … or how Richard Nixon managed to win the Presidency in 1968.

They’re far more interested in celebrities like Johnny Manziel … Katy Perry … and Barack Obama.

Koufax, Dylan, and Nixon represent the past, and are therefore deemed irrelevant.

Manziel, Perry, and Obama represent the present and future, so count a great deal more.

Many years ago, I visited a church where the pastor – a younger man – began the service by telling the congregation how much he loved reality shows on television.  He said he watched every one he possibly could.

Everyone loved his comments … except Pastor Jim sitting in the back.  (I don’t watch any reality TV whatsoever.)

No matter how much they try and keep up with popular culture, quoting the lyrics of a Taylor Swift song doesn’t really suit a pastor 60 years of age … but works much better with a pastor in his early 30s … and those are the people a church needs to reach if they’re going to grow.

Because younger people tend to accept popular culture uncritically … and many older pastors don’t understand or like it … older pastors may be viewed as “uncool” … even if they are godly men.

Third, older pastors are perceived as unable to reach young families as well as younger pastors.

There is an axiom among church growth proponents that pastors are best able to reach people who are ten years older and ten years younger than they are.

For example, if f I’m a pastor, and I’m 40 years old, I can best reach people ages 30 through 50.

If I’m 60 years old, I can best reach people ages 50 through 70.

(By this standard, was Jesus best at reaching people in their early 20s and 40s?)

This doesn’t mean that I can’t reach people who are much younger or much older.

It does mean that it will be more difficult … take more effort … and force me outside my comfort zone.

I was 27 when I first became a pastor.  The church board … composed of four men that averaged close to 65 years of age … gave me a charter to reach young families for Christ.

Nearly two years later, the church was all under 30 and over 60 … with only a handful of people in-between.

When the under 30s grew to the same size as the over 60s, the older group felt threatened and began making demands of the younger group.

I could sense a war was going to break out … but then, a sister church invited us to merge with them, and the war was transferred five miles away.

Let’s be honest: statistics indicate that the younger someone is, the more open they are to the gospel, and the older someone is, the more resistant they are.

So if a church is going to reach young families … which most churches say they want to do … then they may start thinking, “We need a pastor in his early to mid-thirties.”

And if their current pastor is over 55, they may … consciously or unconsciously … chase him right off their campus.

Fourth, older pastors are perceived to be less flexible than younger pastors.

I grew up in the home of a Baptist pastor, and older Baptists don’t dance.  (We can’t dance, but that’s another matter.)

I never attended a school dance in my life … my friends didn’t go, either … and I don’t think I missed anything.

So imagine how shocked I was when someone came up to me many years ago and suggested that we have a dance for singles in our worship center!

That idea was rejected quickly.

“But,” I was told, “many other churches have dances for singles.”

I didn’t care.  The answer was still, “No.”

In my mind, I was expressing my convictions … but to others, I was a stubborn, out-of-touch stick-in-the-mud.

I’m just as stubborn about giving altar calls.  The last one I gave was around 1980 … and only because my pastor at the time told me I had to.

There is a perception out there … right or wrong … that when they hear a creative idea from someone, a younger pastor will say, “Yes,” while an older pastor will say, “No.”

This perception is often held by those closest to the pastor … members of the board and staff … who have their own ideas about the direction the church should take.  But they find that the pastor wants them to champion his ideas while he rarely champions any of theirs.

Near the end of my last ministry, this was how the church board felt toward me.  We had a healthy reserve fund, and I wanted to use a good portion of those funds to start a third service.  After all, our church had been outreach-oriented for years, and my vision was entirely in line with our mission statement and history.

But the board turned down my third service proposal, and wanted to engage in maintenance tasks instead, at least in the short term.  Because I didn’t agree with them, I was labeled “stubborn.”

Younger pastors can be just as stubborn as older pastors, but they often aren’t viewed that way, because they’re seen as “works-in-progress,” while older pastors are “finished products” who just aren’t pliable enough.

Finally, older pastors are perceived to be harder to control than younger pastors.

To me, this is the crux of the problem: a church board … and a congregation … have a much more difficult time making an older pastor bend to their will.

Older pastors know from several decades of experience what works and won’t work for them in a church.  So when a staffer or a board member says, “Pastor, let’s do this” or “Why don’t we try that?”, the older pastor quickly combs through his memory and thinks to himself, “I tried that in two different churches, and it didn’t work in either one.  I’m not about to try that a third time.”

Members of the board might meet informally and say to each other, “We’re sure our proposal will work, but the pastor doesn’t even want to try it.”  And there doesn’t seem to be anything the board can do to change his mind.

But a younger pastor … maybe with just a few years of church experience … may come across as much more open to the same idea.

In John Shea’s article on Dusty Baker, the journalist made this observation:

“The trend in baseball is for owners to hire young, numbers-oriented general managers, often out of the Ivy League, and for those GMs to hire managers with little or no experience who’d buy into their sabermetric philosophies and lineup preferences.”

Translation: younger general managers wish to hire managers they can more easily control.

And they can’t control an old-school manager who relies on hunches, intuition, and gut feelings more than computer-generated patterns.

It’s my belief that when a church board and a pastor don’t agree on their church’s direction, the board will cooperate with their pastor for a while.

But if the family members or friends of board members threaten to leave the church … or stop giving … or stop coming … the board feels pressured, and their anxiety may propel them toward controlling their pastor more forcefully.

And if the pastor resists … and many older pastors do … then the board may conclude that the pastor has to go because they simply can’t control him.

While reading Chris Creech’s book Toxic Church, the author presents information he received from our mutual friend Dr. Charles Chandler from the Ministering to Ministers Foundation about pastors who are more likely to be abused by their congregations:

“Dr. Chandler reports that abuse is more likely to occur when a pastor reaches the age of fifty.  Abuse is more likely to occur when a pastor has had a long tenure.  Abuse is more likely to occur when a pastor has had some significant physical problem.  Abuse is more likely to occur when a dissident member of the church acts in collusion with a staff member of the church.”

Did you notice that first sentence?  “Abuse is more likely to occur when a pastor reaches the age of fifty.”

When my wife and I experienced a major conflict in our church six years ago, an outside consultant witnessed certain events firsthand and claimed that my wife and I were suffering abuse.  He wrote in his report, “How much more should Jim and Kim endure?”

I was 55 years of age when that conflict started, and 56 when it concluded.

Years ago, when I knew I would be leaving a church that I was pastoring, I spoke with one of my ministry mentors – a top church growth expert – who told me, “I’m sure you’ll find a new church.  You’re the right age.”

I was 44 years old.

Thirteen years later, I spoke with that same mentor again about my prospects for finding another pastorate.  But this time, he told me, “Nobody is going to hire you.  You’re the wrong age.”

I wonder how many pastors are pushed out of their churches simply because they’re “the wrong age.”

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Seven Reasons Why Church Bullies Attack Their Pastors

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on November 4, 2015| 2 Comments »

There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:

haughty eyes,

a lying tongue,

hands that shed innocent blood,

a heart that devises wicked schemes,

feet that are quick to rush into evil,

a false witness who pours out lies

and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

Proverbs 6:16-19

There are individuals scattered throughout Christian churches all over the world who fit Solomon’s description in Proverbs 6:16-19 perfectly.

Some people call them clergy killers.  For my purposes, let’s call them church bullies.

Church bullies attend churches where they become so angry with their pastor that they use any and every method possible to destroy their pastor’s reputation so they can force him to resign and leave their church forever.

When I was writing my doctoral project for Fuller Seminary on antagonism in the local church, my editor found it hard to believe that such Christians really do exist.

To this day, I find it hard to believe they do as well.

But they do, and at a time of their choosing, they spring into action and attempt to run their pastor out of the church … and even out of the community.

Because this kind of behavior makes no sense to most of us, we cannot fathom why a professing Christian – usually a church leader – would engage in this kind of reckless pursuit … but it happens all the time in the Christian community.

What motivates these church bullies?  Why are they so bent on destroying their pastor?

From all my research … from hearing scores of stories from other pastors … and from my own experience … let me suggest seven reasons why church bullies attack their pastor … in no particular order:

First, the church bully wants nonstop access to the pastor but isn’t granted it.

There are persons in every church who want to run the church through the pastor.  They want to become “the power behind the throne.”

So they try and become the pastor’s friend.  They invite him out to lunch … invite him and his wife over for dinner … and even suggest that the pastoral couple vacation with him and his wife.  (I’m going to use the terms “he” and “him” throughout this article even though a woman can also be a church bully.)

Sometimes these individuals will even give the pastor a special monetary gift or advocate that the pastor should receive a larger salary.  By doing this, they’re telling the pastor, “I’m your man.  You can always count on me.”

But if the pastor resists the bully’s machinations … or stops becoming his best friend … or the pastor starts investing himself into someone else … the bully will feel rejected … and may begin to plot against the pastor.

But when the pastor inevitably cuts off the attention – and especially the access – the bully will go berserk, not only because he senses he’s not as close to the pastor as he once was, but because he’s lost his ability to influence the church’s direction.

Second, the church bully believes he knows how to run the church better than the pastor.

According to Proverbs 6:16, this person has “haughty eyes,” meaning they are extremely proud.

Many years ago, I came to a church and met a board member who was full of hostility toward me.

He didn’t even know me, but at my first board meeting, he jumped down my throat over a trivial issue.

Several weeks later, he wanted to meet with me one-on-one.  We sat down together – I still remember the time and place – and he asked me all kinds of questions about the direction I wanted to take the church.

He shared his approach for growing the ministry, but I wasn’t comfortable with it.  His approach was 100% business-oriented.  For example, he wanted to advertise on television and believed that we’d pack the place out if we did.

Over the next few months, this gentleman came after me with a vengeance.  He misrepresented things I said behind my back and tried to turn others against me.

I was a threat to his plans for the church.

When he demanded to speak to me one day, and I delayed phoning him back, he angrily resigned from a volunteer position and left the church.

I was relieved.

God didn’t appoint that gentleman as the church’s leader.  Wisely or unwisely, God had appointed me.

I wasn’t about to be So-and-So’s man.  I wanted to be God’s man.

Third, the church bully senses he is losing control of his life.

Most church bullies don’t have their act together in their personal life:

*Maybe their marriage is falling apart.

*Maybe one of their kids is flunking out of school or is on drugs.

*Maybe they’ve been fired from a job or their career has stalled.

*Maybe they’re heavily in debt and have stopped paying certain accounts.

*Maybe their adult children don’t want to see them.

Whatever the issue, the bully hasn’t been able to control life events, so he feels that he can at least control events somewhere: at church.

Usually unconsciously, the bully says to himself: “I am losing significance at home … my career is going south … and I can’t seem to do anything about it.  But there is one place I can still make a difference: my church family.”

So the bully surveys the congregation and says to himself, “I can make a difference by making this proposal … supporting that idea … or stopping the pastor’s future plans.”

Even though God hasn’t called him to run the church, that’s exactly what the bully wants to do, because if he can control the church, maybe life won’t hurt so bad.

But to control the church, the bully needs to control, neutralize, or destroy the pastor … because the pastor is the one person who can thwart the bully’s plans.

I once spoke to a church consultant about some problems I was having with the church board.  He asked me how they were doing in their personal and vocational lives.  When I told him that two of the men were having major struggles at work, he said, “They’re angry.”

In other words, no matter how placid they looked when they came onto the church campus, they came to church perpetually ticked off … and it didn’t take much for that anger to surface.

Fourth, the church bully is fearful that the pastor will discover secrets in his life.

That same church consultant I just mentioned told me something I’ve never forgotten.

He told me that when a church board gangs up on their pastor to remove him from office, at least one board member is often discovered to be having an affair.

I haven’t heard this observation anywhere else, but his statement was based upon his experience in consulting with many churches.

The bully’s thinking may go like this:

“I have this problem in my life that nobody knows about.  If anybody discovers it, I could lose everything, and I can’t let that happen.  More than anyone I know, the pastor seems to have spiritual discernment, and I wonder if he knows what I’m doing.  So before he ever finds out … maybe from my wife, or my kids, or from friends … I’m going to get him instead.  That way, he’ll never be able to expose me.”

Whenever I did counseling, I was privy to secrets in people’s lives.  While I kept those sessions confidential, there are times when a pastor is preaching and he’ll mention an issue that was touched on in a counseling session … even years before.  The pastor may have forgotten who he counseled and what their problem was, but if the ex-counselee is sitting in church that Sunday, he may very well think the pastor is preaching about him – maybe even trying to change his behavior – and decide to go after the pastor for exposing his secret.

Yes, that’s paranoid behavior, but it happens more than any of us know.

Fifth, the church bully refuses to forgive his pastor for offending him.

Bullies are, by their very nature, notoriously sensitive individuals.  They see offenses where they don’t exist.

And this is especially true when it comes to pastors, because they represent God to many people.

If a bully offends a pastor, he expects to be forgiven.  That’s what pastors do: forgive.

But if the pastor offends the bully, the bully may never forgive him.  He may hold a grudge – sometimes for years – and not let anyone know how much it bothers him.

He probably won’t tell the pastor, either.  Instead, the bully will bide his time and later use that offense to run the pastor out of the church.

Only the bully won’t mention the offense to his friends – or the church board – because the issue that upsets him will look petty in the eyes of others.

Instead, the bully will begin to make official charges against the pastor: “He’s not working enough hours … he’s mismanaging funds … he’s been neglecting the seniors … he seems too absorbed with the office manager” … and so on.

Those aren’t the real issues.  The real issue is that the pastor offended the bully at some time in the past.  The bully hasn’t talked to the pastor about it, and he probably never will.

So what are personal charges end up morphing into official charges.

Proverbs 6:16-19 mentions “feet that are quick to rush into evil.”  I’ve seen those feet before, and they’re silently running toward mischief … and away from God.

Sixth, the church bully has collected grievances from others.

In the words of Proverbs 6:16-19, this person is “a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.”

The second church I pastored was a nightmare in many ways … mostly because of the worst church bully I’ve ever encountered.

His wife was upset with me, and quit coming to church, so he quit coming, too.

But a year later, he returned to lead a rebellion against me, and we lost 20% of our people overnight.

One of his tactics was to call people who had left the church to dig up some dirt on me.  Then he compiled a list of my supposed offenses, making it as long as possible.  Then he presented the list to the church board, which defended and supported me to the hilt.

His tactic didn’t work, but I saw what he was doing … and it was evil.

If a church bully wants to get rid of his pastor, and the pastor is guilty of heresy, sexual immorality, or criminal behavior – the Big Three – then the pastor has dug his own grave … although church leaders should aim for his restoration, not his destruction.

But if the pastor isn’t guilty of any impeachable offense, but the bully wants him to leave, then he may do one of three things:

*He will manufacture serious charges.  This is what the Jewish leaders did with Jesus.

*He will solicit charges from others – hoping there’s a major offense in there somewhere – and pass it around the church as if to say, “Do we want someone so flawed and imperfect as our pastor?”  But this is nothing more than carrying the offenses of others rather than encouraging people to see the pastor personally to make things right.

*He will make a litany of false accusations against the pastor, hoping that the sheer number of charges will drive the pastor far away.  But love doesn’t keep lists of offenses … love deals with offenses as they occur … and one at a time.

All three tactics are evil.  Doesn’t Proverbs 6:16-19 tell us that the Lord hates “a lying tongue” and “a false witness who pours out lies?”

Finally, the church bully has aligned himself with Satan.

Let me quote from Chris Creech in his recent book Toxic Church:

“It is my belief, however, that the one sure way to recognize a clergy killer is the use of the lie.  When an individual within the church is shown to have used a lie, there is no doubt that evil is at work and the person has tied himself or herself to an alliance with the devil, either knowingly or unknowingly” (see John 8:44).

How is the devil able to influence a Christian … even a Christian leader … to destroy his pastor?

It’s disturbing to say this, but the bully is so bitter and so vengeful that he gives himself over to the will of Satan.  In the words of Proverbs 6:16-19, this person has “hands that shed innocent blood” as well as “a heart that devises wicked schemes.”

I have recounted what happened to my wife and me in my book Church Coup … and our conflict climaxed, of all days, on Halloween.

There is no doubt in my mind that Satan attacked my wife and me repeatedly during the fifty days of our conflict.  His intention?  To destroy us in hopes that he could destroy the church.

There were so many lies going around the church … so much chaos … and so much hatred that it was absolutely unbelievable.  I could tell you story after story of Satan’s work during that time, and it would send shivers up and down your spine … unless you’ve been through this kind of thing yourself.

But most of all, Satan used false accusations to try and destroy my wife and me.  His strategy is simple: deception leads to destruction.

And yet here’s the ironic thing: the church bully believes that he is doing the will of God!

Where in the New Testament do we have even one positive example of a believer trying to destroy one of God’s chosen leaders?

We don’t.  Such behavior is condemned throughout the New Testament.

But as I look around the Christian world today, I see incident after incident where Satan influences a bully … the bully tries to destroy the pastor by lying … the pastor ends up leaving … the bully is never confronted or corrected … and someone from headquarters is sent to cover the whole thing up.

In fact, after the pastor leaves, in all too many cases the bully ends up being asked to serve on the church board … or the church staff … or even become the interim pastor.

What a dysfunctional lot the church of Jesus can be at times!

If a church bully read this article, he wouldn’t recognize himself.  I once heard a prominent Christian leader state that any individual who tries to destroy their pastor might be termed a “sociopath lite.”

Since the bully’s conscience isn’t functioning well, the consciences of the rest of the congregation need to be operational and discerning, or Satan can take out a pastor … or an entire church.

Let’s resolve not to let that happen anywhere.

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