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When Spiritual Leaders Fight Back

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , , on April 24, 2013| 1 Comment »

There’s an unbiblical notion about pastors that has been circulating for years.  It goes like this:

Churchgoers can publicly attack their pastor … accuse him of anything they want … without any corroboration … and the pastor is expected to absorb the hits without fighting back.

We’re told that Jesus refused to defend Himself against false accusations and that His leaders need to do the same.

There’s just one thing wrong with this idea.

It wasn’t true of Moses, or Joshua, or David … or even Jesus Himself, who defended Himself and His message at every turn (read John 5-9, for example) until His God-appointed execution.

Here’s a specific example: how Moses behaved in Numbers 16.

While Israel wandered in the wilderness, 4 men arose to challenge Moses’ leadership: Korah, Dathan, Abiram, and On.

And just in case Moses didn’t get the message, the foursome formed an additional alliance with 250 community leaders against Moses’ leadership.

This group thought that Moses shouldn’t be their leader … that they should be priests … and implied that Israel should return to Egypt.

In other words, they didn’t like their leader nor the direction he was taking them, so they tried to help God out by staging a coup.

In my last post, I mentioned two lessons about spiritual leadership that emerge from this passage:

First, God chooses who He wants to lead His people.

Second, God’s leaders can expect to be challenged periodically.

Here’s a third lesson:

Next, God’s leaders are permitted to defend themselves against public accusations.

I know pastors who have been trashed in public by a single individual or a small group in their congregation.

The majority of those pastors made a beeline for the exit and immediately resigned.

In one case, a woman sent a letter to every home in the congregation claiming that her pastor did not believe several essential Christian doctrines.  Her claims were completely false, but rather than defending himself, the pastor quickly split.

Although Moses wasn’t a pastor, he was a spiritual leader, and when his leadership was challenged publicly, he fell on his face in prayer (Numbers 16:4) … and then stood strong against his accusers.

Why did the humblest man on the face of the earth (12:3) resist rather than wilt?

*Because God had called him to lead His people.

*Because Moses was God’s spokesman to Israel.

*Because God had never commanded Moses to quit.

*Because Moses knew he hadn’t done anything wrong (16:15).

I wish more pastors would stand strong against false accusations.

I once met with a prominent pastor who told me a similar story.  During a pivotal time in his church’s history, four staff members began making accusations against their boss.

The pastor was devastated by their charges, even though they weren’t true.

The pastor knew that if he resigned because of their claims, they would end up in charge of the church by default … and that would be disastrous for everyone involved.

So the pastor called a public meeting of the congregation … and when he did, 3 of the 4 staff members instantly resigned, fearing that their mutiny would be exposed.

At the meeting, the pastor calmly but passionately answered the charges the staff had made against him.

The pastor stayed … the rebellious staff members all left … and that church became a congregation of great impact.

That’s how Moses handled this situation as well.

Finally, God aligns Himself with the leader He called.

Was Moses imperfect?  Yes.

Had he made mistakes as a leader?  Undoubtedly.

Did Korah and his 3 buddies and the 250 community leaders make any valid points about Moses?  Possibly.

But in spite of all this, the Lord sided with Moses 100%.

Moses indicted the rebels “because of all their sins” (16:26) while the Lord mentioned “the men who sinned at the cost of their lives” (16:38).

The Lord never said, “Moses, they’re right … you can be overbearing at times … and a bit too sensitive … and you lose your temper too often.  I’m replacing you with Joshua.”

No, the Lord backed Moses to the hilt.  In fact, He told Moses to get out of the way so He could “put an end to them [the rebels] at once”  (16:20-21).

God couldn’t have made His feelings any clearer when He opened up the earth and sent all the rebels to Sheol … and then sent fire that consumed the 250 community leaders.

True to form, the following day, the whole community in Israel blamed Moses and Aaron for killing the 254+ rebels when God was responsible … even though Moses interceded for their salvation (16:22).

And when Israel “gathered in opposition” to the two leaders, the Lord threatened to wipe them out a second time … only to have Moses plead for their salvation again … even though a plague took out 14,700 people “in addition to those who had died because of Korah” (16:42-49).

In my last article, I mentioned that I recently had a conversation with a man who had been a pastor for 50 years.  In his first church, there was a woman who had run out the previous 3 pastors.

When she tried the same approach with the new pastor, he ran her out instead.

When he told me that, I shook his hand and commended him for his courage.

That pastor knew that God had called him to that church, and that nobody was going to run him out prematurely.

That pastor stayed 23 years and enjoyed a glorious ministry … all because he had the guts to fight back against unreasonable opposition.

Last weekend, I led a seminar at a Christian leadership convention titled, “Dealing with Church Antagonists.”

When I was done, one veteran pastor told me, “I wish I’d heard that 30 years ago.”  Others echoed similar thoughts.

But I’ll never forget one tiny, quiet woman who wouldn’t let go of my hand and repeatedly told me, “Thank you.  Thank you.”

My basic message?  Spiritual leaders – especially pastors – have a biblical right to fight back against congregational antagonists.

Yes, I know such battles can be bloody.  I have the wounds to prove it.

Moses said to his opponents in Numbers 16:7: “No, I’m not the one who has gone too far … you’re the ones who have gone too far!”

Do you have the courage to say that?

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Rebelling Against Spiritual Leaders

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, tagged , , , , on April 22, 2013| 2 Comments »

While reading through the Old Testament Book of Numbers recently, I slowly stopped to read the 16th chapter.

Up to this point, Moses had been continually and mercilessly attacked in the harsh wilderness.

The people complained because they wanted to return to Egypt where they enjoyed a more varied diet (Numbers 11).

Moses’ siblings Aaron and Miriam complained that their brother had a special relationship with the Lord that they did not enjoy (Numbers 12).

The people complained again after 10 of the 12 spies issued a report stating that Israel could not survive an invasion of the Promised Land (Numbers 13).

And after the report, the people emphatically stated their preference for new leaders that would return them to Egypt, even talking of stoning Moses and Aaron (Numbers 14).

But the biggest rebellion of all happened two chapters later (Numbers 16).

When I was a kid, our family owned an illustrated Bible story book, and the drawing accompanying this story always frightened me.

In fact, this story is meant to scare us.

Korah (a Levite) and Dathan, Abiram and On (all from the tribe of Reuben) “became insolent and rose up against Moses.”  They allied themselves with 250 “well-known community leaders” (16:1-2).

Their complaint is expressed to Moses in 16:3: “You have gone too far!”

Why had Moses gone too far?  Because, in their eyes, he had set himself “above the Lord’s assembly” (16:3).

These men had been talking among themselves and became convinced that if Moses was special, then they were all equally special as well.

After humbling himself before the Lord, Moses proposed a showdown for the following morning (16:4), ending his challenge with these words in 16:7: “You Levites have gone too far!”

We all know how the story ends: the leaders of the rebellion – along with their families – “went down alive into the grave, with everything they owned; the earth closed over them, and they perished and were gone from the community” (16:33).

Let me share four lessons about spiritual leadership from this pivotal passage (two this time, two next time):

First, God chooses who He wants to lead His people.

God could have chosen Aaron or Miriam, but He didn’t.

He could have chosen Korah or Dathan, but He didn’t.

He could have chosen Caleb or Joshua, but Joshua’s time hadn’t yet come.

Moses didn’t apply for the job, and even after God made it clear that Moses was His choice, Moses still didn’t want to lead Israel.

So many of us who have been in Christian leadership can relate to this story.

Nearly 15 years ago, I was contentedly living in Arizona with my family.  We had purchased our initial house, and for the first time in our lives, we lived near members of my family.

I didn’t plan on going anywhere.

But I was asked by the leaders of two churches if I would consider leaving Arizona and come to work for them.

One church was in the Midwest, while another was on the West Coast.

My wife and I walked the streets of our community that Christmastime and we both agreed: we wanted to stay put.

But six months later, we sold our house in Arizona and moved to a new community.

I didn’t call myself to that church.  I didn’t want to go there.

Instead, God called me.

And that’s how Moses felt, too.

Second, God’s leaders can expect to be challenged periodically.

When Moses watched sheep from ages 40 through 80, my guess is that they rarely if ever caused him problems.

But after age 80, Moses’ leadership was continually challenged: by Pharaoh, by the tired-of-quail crowd, by the Amalekites, and by the 10 spies, among others.

But Korah and his gang represented the greatest challenge of all.

Korah allied himself with 3 other prominent leaders as well as 250 community leaders.  Percentage wise, it was just a sliver of 2 million people, but 254 against 1 looks very intimidating.

When I was a pastor, I didn’t mind it when churchgoers disagreed with me.  And while I didn’t like it when someone was critical of me personally, I deserved it on rare occasions.

But when someone said, “He shouldn’t be our leader anymore,” that really upset me … just like it made Moses angry, too (16:15).

And when Moses was publicly challenged, God became angry as well (16:22).  In fact, Moses later noted that “wrath has come out from the Lord” in the form of a destructive plague upon Israel (16:46).

This past weekend, I had the privilege of speaking with a man who had been a pastor for 50 years.

He told me about his first pastorate.  When he came to the church, a woman in the church had run out the previous three pastors.  When these men did something she didn’t like, she got on the telephone, told people what to think and say, and they’d comply with her wishes by calling a meeting and removing the pastor from office.

Who did God call to lead that church?  The pastor or that woman?

Then why in the world did people follow someone whom God had not called as their leader?

Former pastor and author Charles Wickman told me on several occasions, “Every church needs to celebrate the anniversary of their pastor’s call to ministry on an annual basis.”  Charles believed that some in a congregation attacked their pastor simply because they forgot that God had called him to their church.

And when people challenge their pastor’s leadership, aren’t they challenging God’s leadership of their church as well?

Here’s what Moses said in 16:11 to Korah: “It is against the Lord that you and all your followers have banded together.”

Look, leaders called by God make mistakes at times.  God only uses imperfect leaders.

But way too many church leaders – and rebellious factions – decide they’ll lend God a hand and get rid of their pastor prematurely.

In fact, they come to believe that God has called them to dispose of their leader even though the great majority of their congregation wants him to stay.

Isn’t this what Korah and his cohorts did?  They took their own desire to usurp Moses’ leadership and imposed their wishes on the rest of the congregation.

In other words, they staged a coup.

But rather than backing the coup, God responded differently.

That will be our topic next time.

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Five Reasons Why Pastors Vanish

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , on January 28, 2013| 6 Comments »

Several years ago, a prominent pastor announced his resignation to a shocked congregation.

I knew something about this pastor because he had taught me in school and had once led a retreat for our youth group.

After his announcement, I went online and read comments from people who loved this pastor and appreciated his ministry.

They didn’t buy the public reasons he gave for leaving.  They wanted to know the real reasons.

Why do at least 1,500 pastors leave church ministry every month?

Let me share five real reasons:

First, they’re tired of fighting a handful of antagonists.

Most pastors – about 75% – are feelers rather than thinkers.  No matter how much they claim they can handle constructive criticism, any criticism wounds them to the core.

There are people in every church who have figured this out.  They know instinctively that if they continually find fault with their pastor, he will wilt, become ineffective, and eventually quit.

While these people know the pastor’s values, the pastor doesn’t know theirs.

Regardless of church size, when push comes to shove, most pastors leave a church because of a group of 7-10 individuals.

The pastor of a megachurch once told me that no matter how well things went on Sunday, he received a barrage of critical comments on Monday.

When the criticism occurs week after week, month after month, and year after year, it’s no wonder some pastors finally say, “I’m out of here!  I’ve had enough.”

This is why every pastor needs a few spiritual bodyguards who will serve as his protectors and encouragers.

Second, they’re frustrated in their efforts to reach their community for Christ.

If a church truly wants to reach people for Jesus, it will have to make some changes.

It will have to make changes in its worship service(s) … in its leadership structure … in the way funds are allocated … in the way decisions are made … in the way people interact with Scripture.

While some Christians are eager to make such changes, many … if not most … are not.

Too many believers have a vested interest in keeping things the same – year after year – regardless of how effective their church is.

I hesitate to quote Robert Schuller at this point, but I’m going to do it anyway because I believe he’s right.  I once heard him say:

“Any church can grow if it puts the needs of the unchurched ahead of the churched.”

He’s not saying that a pastor should ignore the needs of his people.  Far from it.

But if a pastor only focuses on pleasing the congregation he already has, few if any people (other than the kids of believers) will come to faith in Jesus Christ.

If evangelism isn’t front-loaded, it won’t happen.

The pastor of a rapidly growing church once told me that as his church grew, Christians were constantly trying to get him to change the church’s mission so that it focused exclusively on believers.  Pastors can sense this resistance.

When the pastor is the only one who really cares about reaching the community – and this happens in all too many churches – don’t be surprised if he quietly disappears.

Third, many pastors are tired of being so lonely.

Why is this?  Two thoughts:

*For starters, pastors carry around the problems and pains of their people 24/7.

If you’re in a small group, you know about the sufferings of a handful of people.  But the larger a church grows, the more problems come to the pastor’s attention … and if he’s a caring pastor, he’ll be thinking and praying about those problems constantly.

And most pastors are legally forbidden from sharing the problems of counselees with anyone else … even their wives.

Many times, I’d be out with my wife, and she’d wonder why I was staring into space … but I couldn’t tell her that I was hurting for someone at church.

*In addition, pastors know they can have friends at church … just not close friends.

Why not?

It’s simple: a pastor’s primary vocational problems concern others in his church … like staffers … and board members … and loudmouthed antagonists … and the pastor does not want to run down those people to others.

Because if the pastor really opened up about how he felt, his feelings might get around the church … and hurt people … and hasten his own demise.

So he remains silent … and talks only to people outside the church … if he can find someone who will listen.

Christian counselors will listen … but they can cost a lot of money.

Pastoral colleagues might listen … if you can set up an appointment three weeks in advance.

Many pastor’s wives will listen … but the pastor can’t tell her everything.

Many pastors quit because it’s lonely at the top … and they’re tired of being perpetually lonely.

I’ll add two more reasons next time!

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When Pastors Have a Showdown

Posted in Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , on November 7, 2012| 4 Comments »

Remember your first job?

I worked for a butcher’s shop for $1.00 an hour … then washed dishes for three days at a restaurant (quitting because the hours were too late) … then washed vehicles for a few days … then worked for McDonald’s for two long years.

At 19, I was hired by the elders of my church to work with high school and college students for the summer.  At that end of that period, I was hired to work with those same students permanently.

I was a youth pastor in three churches … and later a teaching pastor and an associate pastor.

The sum total of my staff assignments was 10 1/2 years.

And I served another 25 years as a solo or senior pastor.

So I have a pretty good idea what it’s like to be a staff member as well as the lead pastor in a church.

As a youth pastor, I tried to do whatever my pastor asked me to do.

I didn’t pull any passive-aggressive stuff … agreeing to carry out the pastor’s wishes while later refusing to do so.

I wanted to please my pastor … and keep my job.

But as I’ve learned over the years, not all staff members have that attitude … which is why pastors and staffers clash far more than most churchgoers know.

In my previous article, I told the story of a youth pastor (let’s call him Frank) who wasn’t coming into his office at church to work.  Even though his pastor (let’s call him Rick) told him that he needed to clear time off with him first, Pastor Frank chose to ignore Pastor Rick’s directive.

After the pastor tried to clarify matters with Frank, Frank called a board member (let’s call him Joe) who had two kids in the youth group.  Frank told Joe that Pastor Rick had unfairly singled him out for correction and that he was so upset about Rick’s action that he was thinking about leaving the church.

Joe assured Frank that his kids loved him and that he would make sure Frank’s job was safe.

At the next board meeting, during his monthly report, the pastor informed the board of the latest incident with Frank.  Most board members asked a few questions but left staff management in his experienced hands.

But after the meeting, Joe called Frank to tell him that “the pastor is out to get you” and “my family won’t let that happen.”

Because Frank sensed total support from Joe, he felt he had cart blanche to act any way he wanted, even if he resisted the pastor’s supervision.

When Pastor Rick met with Frank every week, Rick could sense that Frank was no longer cooperative.  Rick didn’t know what was happening.

In actuality, the pastor had been “triangled” by the youth pastor.  Because Rick and Frank weren’t getting along, Frank sought out a third party to assume responsibility for their relationship … and Joe played his part just as Frank hoped.

So instead of the pastor supervising the youth pastor … with the board member as the pastor’s ally … now it’s the board member linking arms with the youth pastor against the pastor.

And now, my friends, you have the makings of a classic showdown.

Frank gradually pulls away from Rick altogether, missing staff meetings and avoiding conversations with the pastor.  Rick notices the change but doesn’t know what to do because he can sense not all board members are behind him.

After several months of this cold war, Rick schedules an appointment with Frank for lunch on Wednesday.

When the pastor arrives at the restaurant, he’s greeted by the youth pastor … and two board members, including Joe.

The pastor is now in a serious double bind.

On the one hand, he needs to regain control of his relationship with the youth pastor, even if he has to fire him.

But on the other hand, if Rick does dismiss Frank, those two board members … and their families … and other board members … and their families … and other students … and their families and friends … may all leave the church together.

They will claim that Pastor Rick mistreated Frank.

They might even insinuate that the pastor is mistreating other staff members.

They may even consider taking action against the pastor rather than let the youth pastor leave.

This is going to be a very difficult situation to resolve.

How can this showdown be resolved in a way that honors the Lord, respects all parties involved, and preserves church unity?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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The Pastor-Staff Double Bind

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, tagged , , , on November 5, 2012| 5 Comments »

What keeps you awake at night?

When I was a pastor, more often than not, I couldn’t sleep because of church staff members.

Why not?

Because dealing with staff is fraught with danger … real and imagined.

When a pastor hires a staff member, he looks for three primary qualifications: character, competency, and chemistry.

The pastor wants staff members to have character … to lead godly lives and be morally upright.

The pastor wants staff members to have competency … to do their job so well that he rarely has to address any concerns.

The pastor wants staff members to have chemistry … to get along well with him and the other staff.

If a staffer is falling short in any of these three areas, the pastor has to sit down and speak with him or her about his concerns as soon as possible.

And this is where the double bind for him occurs.

Let me offer up an example.

Suppose a board member tells the pastor that the youth pastor left the church campus a half hour early that Sunday morning.  The board member asks the pastor (a) if he knew about this, and (b) if the youth pastor had asked the pastor for permission to leave early.

If the pastor gave the youth pastor permission to leave early, he needs to make that clear to the board member.

If the pastor didn’t give the youth pastor permission to leave early, he needs to find out what’s going on.

Should the pastor call the youth pastor immediately or wait until they’re together on Monday morning?

Let’s say the pastor waits until the next day.  He gets hit with a lot of work when he enters the office and can’t walk down the hall to see the youth pastor until 11:30 that morning.

When he does, he finds the youth pastor is gone … and according to the office manager, won’t be back until Wednesday.

Now the pastor is really upset because the youth pastor reports to him … and the pastor did not give the youth pastor permission to cut out early on Monday or miss the staff meeting on Tuesday.

Should the pastor call the youth pastor immediately or wait until Wednesday?

The pastor decides to call the youth pastor … who doesn’t answer the phone.  The pastor tries again later in the day, but still … no answer.

The next day at the staff meeting, two staff members ask the pastor point-blank where the youth pastor is.  The pastor says he doesn’t know.

After the meeting, the pastor calls the youth pastor again … but nobody answers.

That night, the pastor can’t sleep.  See why?

When the youth pastor finally comes in the next morning, the pastor immediately walks down the hall to speak with him.

The pastor sits down and asks the youth pastor how he’s doing.

The pastor asks about his family and how his ministry went on Sunday.

Finally, the pastor mentions in a matter-of-fact way that (a) the youth pastor was seen leaving early on Sunday, (b) left early on Monday, and (c) didn’t come in at all on Tuesday.

The pastor asks the youth pastor – in a gentle but firm tone – what’s going on.

The youth pastor offers some lame excuses for missing work.  The pastor suspects he’s lying.

They speak awkwardly for a few minutes, and then the pastor – as staff supervisor – tells the youth pastor:

“If you are going to leave church early on a Sunday, you need to ask me first.  If you are going to leave early on a workday, you need to clear that with me first.  If you are going to take a day off during the week, you need to receive my permission first.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

The youth pastor stammers, “Well, I tried calling you, but I couldn’t get ahold of you … so I thought I’d just take the time off and get back to you later.”

When the pastor leaves the youth pastor’s office, he wonders what’s going on.

Is the youth pastor having marital problems?  Could he be addicted to alcohol or drugs?  Could he be working a second job?  Or is he just stressed out and needs to step away from work for a few days?

Here’s one double bind: some board members and staffers are watching how the pastor handles this situation.  If he does nothing, they will conclude the pastor is spineless.

But if the pastor is too hard on the youth pastor, then the youth pastor and his wife … and eventually their friends and many of the youth and possibly their parents … will be upset with the pastor for picking on someone they know and love.

The pastor is thinking, “I’d really like to help the youth pastor if he’s having a problem, but he’s not being honest with me, so all I have to go on is his behavior, which isn’t acceptable.  I need to keep an eye on him from now on.”

The youth pastor is thinking, “Who does the pastor think he is?  I go on camping trips and retreats with the kids without asking for overtime.  I answer their emails and phone calls at all hours.  If I want to take some time off, I’m entitled to it … and I’ve been here long enough that I don’t need to ask for permission.”

If things don’t change, there’s going to be a showdown … and soon.

What happens then?

I’ll deal with that in my next article.

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Repeat Offender Churches

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , on September 12, 2012| 5 Comments »

Someone recently asked me the following question:

“What is the likelihood that a forced termination or major conflict could happen at the same church more than once?  (Let’s say within a 10-15 year span.)  Are there any statistics on that subject?”

Yes, there are.

Leading Edge, a resource for leaders of healthy churches, reported the following statistics in September 2003:

*25% of US pastors have experienced a forced exit at some point in their ministry.

*33% of US churches have had a pastor leave due to a forced exit.

*62% of ousted pastors were serving a church that had forced one or more pastors to leave in the past.

And the most chilling statistic of all:

*10% of US churches have forced three or more pastors to leave in their past and are considered “repeat offenders.”

The driving force behind a pastor’s forced exit is usually a small faction inside the congregation … composed of only 3-4% of the people.

The second largest catalyst is a member of the church’s governing board.

The typical size of the small faction is 7-10 people.

Once a faction or a board forces out their pastor, they know the template and may feel free to use it on the next pastor … and the one after that.

Let’s freely acknowledge that a small percentage of pastors should leave due to heretical teaching, sexual immorality, or a criminal offense.

But in most cases, the pastor hasn’t done anything worthy of banishment.

Presuming that a pastor is innocent of any major offense, how can the people of a church that has experienced this tragedy prevent the forced exit of their next pastor?

First, identify the perpetrators by name.  A congregation needs to know the identities of those who forced their pastor to leave.  If you don’t know who did it, you won’t be able to stop them from doing it again.  This is biblical.  (Paul fingered Hymenaeus, Philetus, and Alexander the coppersmith as troublemakers, while John cast a spotlight on Diotrephes.)

Second, confront the perpetrators for their divisive actions.  Even if a congregation identifies the perpetrators, little has been accomplished if those same people are quickly placed into leadership positions.  See Titus 3:10-11.

Let me say this as emphatically as I know how: it is spiritually and morally wrong for a congregation to place people into leadership who used deception and destruction to force out the previous pastor.

If you doubt me, read the Book of Numbers sometime soon.  Moses and Aaron were frequently criticized by various leaders and factions in Israel … but God always sided with his chosen leaders and always disciplined those who attacked them.

And God never said to the perpetrators, “You know, you guys are right.  Moses shouldn’t be in leadership.  I’ll open up the earth and swallow him up … and let you guys lead Israel instead.”

In fact, in Numbers 16, God opened up the earth and swallowed the 250 people who stood with Moses’ three critics instead.

Third, prayerfully ask the perpetrators to repent for their actions.  However, this rarely happens.

I know a church where four staff members tried to force out their pastor many years ago.  The pastor threatened to expose them … and three of them quickly resigned.  (The perpetrators in such cases fear public exposure more than anything.)

About five years later, one of the four wrote the pastor a letter of apology, admitting that what he had done was wrong.  The other three?  He’s still waiting to hear from them.

I don’t know why this is, but some people demonize their pastor and then believe that they are justified using any and all means to force him to quit.

Such methodology damages more than the pastor, though: it damages a church’s soul.

Finally, realize that pastors are most vulnerable between years four and five.  Most pastors enjoy a honeymoon of a year or two when they first come to a church, especially if they don’t initiate much change.

During year three, the pastor’s critics begin to emerge.

Between years four and five of a pastor’s tenure, the pastor typically announces and promotes a specific agenda for the church’s future.  Because change provokes anxiety, some people will rebel against the pastor’s agenda.

The pastor’s critics will begin to question everything he does and says.  They will talk to others who feel the same way.  If a leader emerges, they will form a faction to take back their church.

If the pastor is a strong individual … and especially if he has board support … he will continue to communicate the direction he believes God wants him to take the church.

And this will force much if not all of the faction to leave the church.

But if the pastor collapses emotionally … or his family wilts under the pressure … or the pastor’s health is affected by the constant criticism … and especially if the board caves on him … then the pastor will choose to resign instead.

And a tiny, vocal faction will privately take credit for getting rid of their minister.

This information is contained in Carl George’s brilliant article called “The Berry Bucket Balance.”

Many years ago, I did a study of pastoral tenure in my district.  I examined the tenures of 60 pastors.

The average tenure of those pastors was 4 1/2 years … midway between years four and five.

This is a time to be hypervigilant … but an attack can come at any time.

A few years ago, I wrote my doctoral project at Fuller Seminary on church antagonism.

During my research, I analyzed five major conflicts that my church at the time had experienced over the years.

I discovered that the church’s culture was one of non-confrontation.  When people acted up … or committed evil … nobody did anything about it.

The perpetrators felt free to attack, criticize, and even destroy people because they knew that nothing would happen to them.

We have to hit this issue head-on or there will be even more repeat offender churches in the future.

Your thoughts?

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Four Observations About Pastoral Termination

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment! on August 27, 2012| 2 Comments »

I’m in a celebrating mood today because this blog just reached a milestone!

After nearly 20 months and 216 postings, we finally hit 20,000 views last night … an average of just under 100 views per article.

My top 5 articles according to readership are:

*If You Must Terminate a Pastor

*When to Correct a Pastor

*Pastors Who Cause Trouble

*Facing Your Accusers

*When You’re Upset with Your Pastor

The articles I’ve written about my family members (especially my son’s wedding) and about music also have lots of views, but this blog is primarily about pastor-church conflict.

And as you can tell from the above titles, I write primarily for lay people – board members included.  I’m trying to help them deal with their feelings about their pastor when they’re frustrated with the way he’s leading, preaching, or acting.

After talking with pastors and researching this topic for years, I have four observations to make about pastoral termination:

First, few believers know how to terminate a pastor sensitively and wisely.

If a pastor works for the governing board of a church, and the board decides to fire him, the board will probably:

*Ignore biblical principles for correcting a spiritual leader.

*Brush aside the governing documents of their church.

*Skip any kind of due process for the pastor.

*Fail to anticipate how the congregation will react to the pastor’s ouster.

Instead, they’ll just put their head down and remove the pastor using any means at their disposal … even unchristian ones.

I recently talked with a pastor who told me what happened with his church board.

The pastor heard about a conflict training program at a Christian university.  He invited the board to go along.

One board member attended with the pastor.  The other two declined to go.

One week later, those two board members met with the pastor and fired him.

Why didn’t they want to attend the training program?  Because they didn’t want to learn new skills that might prevent them from forcing their pastor to leave.

It’s important that we train boards how to handle conflicts with their pastor before they choose to fire him … because most people … even Christian leaders … cannot control how messy things become when they forcibly terminate their pastor.

Second, boards usually blindside their pastor when they fire him.

I recently spoke with a pastor who had been at his church for nearly two decades.  The church had a large impact in their community and the pastor thought he was doing a great job.

One day, the board called a meeting with the pastor and fired him.

The pastor wasn’t guilty of heresy, or immorality, or any major offense.

And to this day, he has no idea what he did to deserve being terminated.

Here’s the typical scenario:

*Nobody on the board ever sits down with the pastor and talks to him about any concerns they have.

*Nobody confronts or corrects him.

*Nobody allows the pastor to face his accusers and their charges.

*Nobody loves him enough to carry out Matthew 18:15-20 or 1 Timothy 5:19-21.

*Nobody asks God what they should do … but ask God to bless them after they’ve made their decision.

Instead, the board meets in secret, negatively evaluates the pastor’s performance, and fires him without ever giving him the chance to (a) know the complaints against him, and (b) make any necessary adjustments.

Is this legal?  It is if the governing documents of a church say the board can act that way.

Is this moral?  No.

Is it spiritual?  Hardly.

It’s an indication that the board views the church as a business … instead of a spiritual organism … and that they view the pastor as an employee … instead of someone called by God to lead that church.

It’s also an indication that they either lack the time or expertise to correct him … or that they feel the pastor is unredeemable … which seems like a contradiction for people who claim to believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ can transform anyone.

Third, the congregation never hears the truth about why the pastor left.

Under the guise of “confidentiality,” the board makes a pact to refuse to tell anyone the reasons why the pastor has departed.

This may be because the pastor did something immoral and the board is protecting the pastor’s career.

This may be because the pastor did something illegal and the board is protecting the church.

This may be because the board handled things unwisely and they’re covering up their mistakes.

If the pastor was allowed to state publicly why he was forced to leave, he might persuade people that he was treated poorly, which might provoke sympathy for him, turn people against the governing board, and cause people to leave the church.

If the board was allowed to state publicly why they forced the pastor to leave, they would undoubtedly blame everything on him, take no responsibility for their own failures, and have to explain themselves to the congregation.

Because boards just want the pastor gone, they often grant “severance for silence.”  They give the pastor a small compensation package if he’ll leave quickly and quietly … and not tell anyone how badly they handled things.

In fact, because this is such a common problem, I toyed for a while with calling my new book Bungled.

Finally, the perpetrators almost never admit they’ve done anything wrong.

When an individual sins, he or she may or may not admit it.

When a pastor sins, he may or may not admit it.

When a board sins, they almost never admit it.

It is the nature of groups to make a decision and, even if they’re wrong, protect and defend each other afterwards.

How often have you heard the White House … a news organization … a corporate board … a sports team … a school board … a homeowners association … or a state government agency … admit together that they did something wrong?

It rarely if ever happens.

In fact, if even one member of an organization admits that their group has done something wrong, the other members will invariably disown that person or try to remove them altogether.

This is why once a board decides to terminate a pastor, they act like they’re 100% faultless and he’s 100% blameworthy.

And this is why that board and the pastor never reconcile.

I recently spoke with a top Christian leader who told me about a church that called a new pastor.

The pastor wanted to see God renew the church, and he did everything he could to make sure that happened.

But there was just one thing remaining … he wanted the church to reconcile with some of its former pastors who had been mistreated.

The new pastor wasn’t around during the years these pastors served, and the church had many newcomers who had no idea what had happened in the past.

But this pastor called all these men back, and one Sunday, he stood up and confessed that the church had wronged these men of God and asked for their forgiveness on behalf of the church.

I wish this sort of thing would happen more often.  There are too many wounded pastors and churches in our country.

But this kind of thing is rare because of pride.  We convince ourselves that if we did or said something, it was right … but if the pastor did or said something … it was wrong.

Is life really that black and white?

If you’ve been reading for a long time, thank you.  Some subscribers have told me they’ve read every article I’ve written.

If this is your first time here, check out some of the categories on the right side of my blog.  You might find an article or two that will help you deal with the way you feel about your pastor.

And even if you’re an occasional reader, thanks for visiting this site.  We’re honored when you come around.

I love it when people ask questions and leave comments, even if you disagree with something I’ve said.  Since this is the way we all learn, feel free to give me feedback.

I’m still learning a lot about pastoral termination, church conflict, and conflict in general.

And I invite you to keep reading as we learn together.

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Pastors and Their Predecessors

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination on February 22, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Imagine that you land a good job and you’re flourishing in your position.

Your supervisor tells you that you’re doing a great job.

You get along well with your co-workers.

Your clients seem pleased at how well you’re serving them.

It goes on like this for years.

And then one day, you hear a rumor that you can’t quite believe.

Your predecessor – the person who held your job before you – is telling people you know that you’re doing a terrible job.

In fact, your predecessor would like to return to your company … and replace you in the process.

This whole scheme seems far-fetched, so crazy that you refuse to believe what some people are telling you.

You choose not to dignify the rumors by even responding to them.

But one day, co-workers who had been friends for years start to turn on you.

And your supervisor turns on you.

And even some clients turn on you.

You wonder, “What is going on around here?”

And then someone who knows your predecessor tells you the truth: he/she is collaborating with people at your company to remove you so that he/she can take your place … and your clients … and your salary … and anything else he/she can grab.

Sounds crazy, right?

It IS crazy … but I know someone who had this precise scenario happen to them … in a church.

Their predecessor was the previous pastor.

Their supervisors were the church board.

Their co-workers were the church staff.

Their clients were members of the congregation.

The equation goes like this:

Predecessor + church board + a staff member + a small faction = removal of the current pastor

Ever heard of this kind of thing happening before?

I have.

I’ll tell you more about it next time.

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Who’s Got Your Back?

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination on December 9, 2011| 1 Comment »

Have you ever experienced the horror of knowing that someone was out to get you?

In fifth grade, I had a classmate named Darrell.  He had a bat he called Teddy.  He brought his bat to school, and Teddy broke while students were playing softball.  Darrell was livid.

He needed somebody to blame, so he chose me.  To this day, I have no idea why he did that.

Remember how everyone would freeze when the bell rang to end recess?  While everyone was frozen, Darrell threatened to beat me up.  He said that for every step I took, he was going to hit me twice.

I was faster than Darrell and could have dodged him, but I stood my ground.  Darrell charged me and began throwing punches.  They hurt.

But just as quickly, some classmates pulled Darrell off me and separated us.  I don’t remember if he got in trouble or not, but he never tried harming me again.

My friends had my back.

Life can be tough sometimes.  No matter how hard we try and dodge certain people – or issues – there are times when we need to stand our ground.  We make a decision.  We feel alone.  We’re uncertain how our decision will be received.

Will we suffer a strained relationship?  Will we lose our job or career?  Will someone we care about abandon us?

It’s during these times that we learn who our real friends are.

Due to a conversation I had with a friend recently, I recalled a difficult time in my ministry more than two decades ago.

A group of Darrells gathered together.  They were all upset with me about different issues.

One person felt I neglected the Senior Bible class members.

Another person was upset that I didn’t tell the drummer’s wife that she needed to lengthen her dresses.

Someone else had a complaint about my six-year-old daughter.

The group pooled their complaints and drafted someone to be their leader, a man who had left the church a year earlier.

They were finally going to be heard, and get their way, and gain the power they’d always wanted!

So they made a list of their complaints and presented them to two board members.

There was nothing impeachable in their list.  If you looked long and hard enough at anyone’s life, you could come up with a similar list.  In fact, I could have created such lists aimed at each of my detractors.

The two board members responded to each charge as they were made, taking all the fun out of the exercise for the antagonists.  They reported back to their group, packed up, and left the church for good.

When the group signaled their discontent with me, the board let me know that they had my back.  In fact, they told me that if I resigned over their complaints, they would all resign and leave the church as well.

They did not want to surrender the leadership of their church to a grouchy, divisive, angry group of church attendees who were showing their immaturity by their actions.

There is a moral to this story, and it’s this:

To be effective in life, you need people who have your back.

We can’t always predict how our decisions will turn out.  And after we make a decision, we can’t see who’s attacking us from the rear.

We need a few people who will keep watch and defend us against those who might attack us.

If a kid misbehaves at home, and his mother disciplines him, and his father comes home and hears about what happened, Dad better back mom up or chaos will result.

If a boss tells an employee to do something, and the employee does it, and a customer registers a complaint, the boss better stand behind her employee.

If a pastor confronts someone about their sin, and that person becomes offended and starts criticizing the pastor all over the church, the board better stand behind their pastor or they will sow the seeds of his demise.

Who’s got your back?

And whose back do you have?

Thankfully, God has the back of His followers.  He said in Hebrews 13:5, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?”

__________

Last month, I wrote this article (https://blog.restoringkingdombuilders.org/2011/11/07/comparing-arizona-and-california) comparing Arizona and California.  While some of my California friends resonated with what I wrote, not everyone agreed with my sentiments, even though they were partially tongue-in-cheek.

So in the interest of fairness, let me present a little poem entitled “Phoenix Wonderland”:

Palm trees wave, are you listenin’?

In the pool, water’s glistenin’,

A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight,

Livin’ in a Phoenix Wonderland.

Gone away is the blizzard

Here to stay is the lizard,

A warm sunny day, we like it that way,

Livin’ in a Phoenix Wonderland.

In the desert we will have a picnic,

Cactus, sand and rattlesnakes and sun.

Christmas dinner is an old tradition,

It’s pinto beans and tacos by the ton.

Later on we’ll perspire,

Temperatures rise even higher,

A warm sunny day, we like it that way,

Livin’ in a Phoenix Wonderland.

Makes you want to hop a plane and live in Phoenix, doesn’t it?

Enjoy your weekend!

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Why Attack Pastors? Part 2

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment! on August 5, 2011| 11 Comments »

In my last article, I mentioned the book Crushed by former pastor Gary Pinion.  Although most of the book is about the pain that pastors in general are experiencing today in ministry, the author relates a personal story about one of his own pastorates.

One day, a governing leader came to Pastor Pinion and told him that several people in the congregation had complained to him about the pastor.  When the pastor asked how long this had been occurring, the leader replied, “Several months now.”  The pastor then asked the leader, “Have you told even one of the complainers to come and visit with me about their concerns?”  The answer was, “No.”

When a pastor hears that people have been publicly pooling their complaints about him, it makes the pastor uneasy, because he knows this is how major conflicts in a church are launched.  And when a leader fails to encourage the complainers to speak with the pastor personally about their issues, unbiblical behavior begins to snowball.

When Pastor Pinion learned that one of the complainers was “a catalyst for all the lies and innuendos that had been circulating,” he invited the man to his office.  When the pastor confronted the man, he began to yell and scream, “You are not feeding me and I have been at this church a lot longer than you and I have sure given a whole lot more money to this church than you and I’m not leaving!”  Pastor Pinion laments that “that was the beginning of my ‘forced exit.'”

Why do professing Christians abuse and attack their pastors?

Last time, I mentioned three possible reasons:

First, they are angry with God, and blame His audible, visible messenger for something God did or didn’t do.

Second, they are angry with their father and blame the man of God because he reminds them of their father in some way.

Third, they feel that the pastor slighted them in some way.

Here are four more possibilities:

Fourth, they want their pastor to be someone he’s not.  Most Christians have a favorite pastor from their past.  Maybe he always said hi to them, or baptized them as a child, or helped their family through crisis.  Or maybe they have an affinity for a particular pastor on television or radio.  Or maybe they’ve combined the attributes of many pastors into one perfect pastor.

Although they may not be aware of it, they measure all subsequent pastors by their mental ideal.  And when they finally discover that their current pastor cannot be the person they want him to be, they feel hurt, disappointed, and angry.  They want their pastor!  And if they can’t have him, they’ll begin a whispering campaign or call their favorite pastor and complain about the current one.

Fifth, they want to retain their friendships.  Have you ever had this experience?  You’ve been reading your Bible recently and feel convicted about the way you sometimes talk harshly about other people.  So you resolve that you’re either going to keep your mouth shut or only say kind things about others.

One day, you go out to eat with some church friends, and one of them starts criticizing your pastor.  You instantly recall your pledge to the Lord, but you also want to join in the conversation.  Before you know it, you’re agreeing with some of their criticisms and adding a few of your own.  Although you feel guilty as soon as you leave the restaurant, you convince yourself that no real harm was done.

Why did you do it?  You wanted to fit in with your friends.  After all, when the pastor isn’t around to defend himself, he doesn’t seem so great, does he?  In my previous article, I shared the story about Pastor Pinion’s friend who flipped on him and couldn’t tell him why he did it.  I know why: his destructive friends meant more to him than his godly pastor.

Where are the Christians in our day who know how to stand up for what’s right?  If we can’t stand up to fellow Christians when they are committing evil deeds, how authentic is our faith?

Sixth, they think the pastor is attacking them through his preaching.  Think about this: the only person in our culture who consistently tells adults how to live is the pastor.  The president gives speeches but doesn’t talk about divorce or sexuality.  Your boss may give occasional talks but she never encourages you to love God or others.  Your spouse may not like the way you manage money but he never sits you down for a 30-minute lecture on tithing.

Christian pastors regularly give unpopular messages about unpopular topics from an unpopular book – and occasionally in an unpopular tone.  The worst possible response I could have to a talk I gave was to have no response at all.  As Spurgeon used to say, you want people to be “glad, sad, or mad.”  But when some people get mad at a pastor – often just for preaching what the Bible says – they can go on the attack and harshly criticize him to others.

Finally, they want the pastor to leave.  The man who came to see Pastor Pinion told him, “I have been at this church a lot longer than you and … I’m not leaving!”  When people get to this point – whether they say it to their pastor’s face or not – they’re saying, “Either he’s going to leave or I’m going to leave … and it’s not going to be me.”

Sadly, there seem to be people in every church who assign themselves the project of getting rid of the pastor.  Sometimes they’re members of the governing board or staff.  Sometimes they’re a long-time member or a former pastor or the leader of a coalition.  But they have made up their minds that they cannot co-exist with the pastor.  By all rights, they should leave the church – quickly and quietly.  Instead, they convince themselves that this is their church – not his – and that he needs to leave their church as soon as possible.

Unless the pastor is guilty of heresy or destructive behavior, this is a supremely selfish action.  After all, most of the people who attend that church are there because of the pastor, not because of the board or a long-time member.  Besides, every church belongs to Jesus rather than chronic complainers.

If people would put the same energy into praying for and encouraging their pastors as they do into criticizing and attacking them, everyone would benefit.

What is God asking you to do for your pastor?

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