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Archive for the ‘Pastoral Termination’ Category

When Spiritual Leaders Fight Back

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , , on April 24, 2013| 1 Comment »

There’s an unbiblical notion about pastors that has been circulating for years.  It goes like this:

Churchgoers can publicly attack their pastor … accuse him of anything they want … without any corroboration … and the pastor is expected to absorb the hits without fighting back.

We’re told that Jesus refused to defend Himself against false accusations and that His leaders need to do the same.

There’s just one thing wrong with this idea.

It wasn’t true of Moses, or Joshua, or David … or even Jesus Himself, who defended Himself and His message at every turn (read John 5-9, for example) until His God-appointed execution.

Here’s a specific example: how Moses behaved in Numbers 16.

While Israel wandered in the wilderness, 4 men arose to challenge Moses’ leadership: Korah, Dathan, Abiram, and On.

And just in case Moses didn’t get the message, the foursome formed an additional alliance with 250 community leaders against Moses’ leadership.

This group thought that Moses shouldn’t be their leader … that they should be priests … and implied that Israel should return to Egypt.

In other words, they didn’t like their leader nor the direction he was taking them, so they tried to help God out by staging a coup.

In my last post, I mentioned two lessons about spiritual leadership that emerge from this passage:

First, God chooses who He wants to lead His people.

Second, God’s leaders can expect to be challenged periodically.

Here’s a third lesson:

Next, God’s leaders are permitted to defend themselves against public accusations.

I know pastors who have been trashed in public by a single individual or a small group in their congregation.

The majority of those pastors made a beeline for the exit and immediately resigned.

In one case, a woman sent a letter to every home in the congregation claiming that her pastor did not believe several essential Christian doctrines.  Her claims were completely false, but rather than defending himself, the pastor quickly split.

Although Moses wasn’t a pastor, he was a spiritual leader, and when his leadership was challenged publicly, he fell on his face in prayer (Numbers 16:4) … and then stood strong against his accusers.

Why did the humblest man on the face of the earth (12:3) resist rather than wilt?

*Because God had called him to lead His people.

*Because Moses was God’s spokesman to Israel.

*Because God had never commanded Moses to quit.

*Because Moses knew he hadn’t done anything wrong (16:15).

I wish more pastors would stand strong against false accusations.

I once met with a prominent pastor who told me a similar story.  During a pivotal time in his church’s history, four staff members began making accusations against their boss.

The pastor was devastated by their charges, even though they weren’t true.

The pastor knew that if he resigned because of their claims, they would end up in charge of the church by default … and that would be disastrous for everyone involved.

So the pastor called a public meeting of the congregation … and when he did, 3 of the 4 staff members instantly resigned, fearing that their mutiny would be exposed.

At the meeting, the pastor calmly but passionately answered the charges the staff had made against him.

The pastor stayed … the rebellious staff members all left … and that church became a congregation of great impact.

That’s how Moses handled this situation as well.

Finally, God aligns Himself with the leader He called.

Was Moses imperfect?  Yes.

Had he made mistakes as a leader?  Undoubtedly.

Did Korah and his 3 buddies and the 250 community leaders make any valid points about Moses?  Possibly.

But in spite of all this, the Lord sided with Moses 100%.

Moses indicted the rebels “because of all their sins” (16:26) while the Lord mentioned “the men who sinned at the cost of their lives” (16:38).

The Lord never said, “Moses, they’re right … you can be overbearing at times … and a bit too sensitive … and you lose your temper too often.  I’m replacing you with Joshua.”

No, the Lord backed Moses to the hilt.  In fact, He told Moses to get out of the way so He could “put an end to them [the rebels] at once”  (16:20-21).

God couldn’t have made His feelings any clearer when He opened up the earth and sent all the rebels to Sheol … and then sent fire that consumed the 250 community leaders.

True to form, the following day, the whole community in Israel blamed Moses and Aaron for killing the 254+ rebels when God was responsible … even though Moses interceded for their salvation (16:22).

And when Israel “gathered in opposition” to the two leaders, the Lord threatened to wipe them out a second time … only to have Moses plead for their salvation again … even though a plague took out 14,700 people “in addition to those who had died because of Korah” (16:42-49).

In my last article, I mentioned that I recently had a conversation with a man who had been a pastor for 50 years.  In his first church, there was a woman who had run out the previous 3 pastors.

When she tried the same approach with the new pastor, he ran her out instead.

When he told me that, I shook his hand and commended him for his courage.

That pastor knew that God had called him to that church, and that nobody was going to run him out prematurely.

That pastor stayed 23 years and enjoyed a glorious ministry … all because he had the guts to fight back against unreasonable opposition.

Last weekend, I led a seminar at a Christian leadership convention titled, “Dealing with Church Antagonists.”

When I was done, one veteran pastor told me, “I wish I’d heard that 30 years ago.”  Others echoed similar thoughts.

But I’ll never forget one tiny, quiet woman who wouldn’t let go of my hand and repeatedly told me, “Thank you.  Thank you.”

My basic message?  Spiritual leaders – especially pastors – have a biblical right to fight back against congregational antagonists.

Yes, I know such battles can be bloody.  I have the wounds to prove it.

Moses said to his opponents in Numbers 16:7: “No, I’m not the one who has gone too far … you’re the ones who have gone too far!”

Do you have the courage to say that?

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Viewing Your Family … and Church … as a System

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , , on April 10, 2013| 5 Comments »

When I was ten years old, my friend Steve invited me to spend a Friday night at his house.  It was an experience I’ve never forgotten.

We flipped baseball cards … slept in the living room in separate sleeping bags … and ate toast with an egg in the middle for breakfast.

I had never flipped cards before … slept somewhere in total darkness … or had anything other than pancakes for breakfast on a Saturday.

For the first time I could recall, I realized that the way someone’s family did things was vastly different than mine.

Families not only have systems … families are systems … and family systems theory teaches that every group or organization operates like a family.

Let me make several observations about family systems:

First, the way our family of origin operated seems normal to us.

I grew up without color TV.  To me, watching a black-and-white television was normal.

But when I watched television at someone else’s house, they invariably did have a color set.

In fact, it’s only when we visit the homes of friends that we discover that everyone is not like us … but it’s not easy to shake family culture.

Remember the old TV show The Munsters?  Whenever Marilyn Munster brought home a guy to meet her family, he’d scream and run away.

The Munsters assumed that they were normal and that Marilyn’s boyfriend was the weird one.

And yet to those outside the family … including TV viewers … Marilyn was the only normal member of the family.  It was the rest of the Munsters who were weird.

This same dynamic happens in our churches as well.

After a while, we become so accustomed to the way things are done that we just accept things rather than try and change things.

My wife and I recently visited a church where the music was really bad.  It was obvious to us … but not to church leaders.

They accepted it because it had gone on for so long that it became normal … and yet the music was killing their attendance.

What they needed was for someone from the outside to help them see the problem … if they had the courage to solicit help.  However:

Second, families search for scapegoats when things go wrong.

My wife and I once lived in a place that shared a wall with a family.  We got along fine with them, but on occasion, we could hear blood-curdling screams coming through the wall.

The screams came from a female teenager who had seemed to have some serious life issues that disrupted her family’s tranquility.

Several times, this girl’s parents sent her away for various forms of rehabilitation.  Each time, she thrived in her new surroundings, and was deemed well enough to return home.

But each time she came back, she slipped into her former behavior.

The simplest way to deal with this situation was for the other family members to blame the girl entirely for the way she was disrupting their family.  After all, the screaming stopped when she wasn’t around.

In fact, this is the way that many families handle matters when one family member’s behavior seems intractable: the others blame every family issue on the one who’s acting out.

In our quick-fix culture, organizations … which all operate like families … have a tendency to blame problems on just one person.

*If a sports team isn’t winning, the general manager fires the coach … but some teams fire coach after coach and never improve.

*If a company’s profits are down, the board cans the CEO … but sometimes the entire organization is 20 years behind the curve.

*If donations are down, some churches remove the pastor … only to find giving continuing to slide under the next pastor.

Sometimes in our anxiety, even Christians forget that Jesus was crucified, not because He had done anything wrong … but because the system of His day demanded a scapegoat.  And yet:

Finally, it’s far more productive to treat the whole family system when things get unhealthy.

When the girl in the above story was away from her family, she did well … but when she was with her family, she regressed.

Most likely, the problems in that family weren’t due entirely to her … they were due to her family system.

So instead of sending just her to counseling, the entire family needed to go … but first, they needed to become convinced that they were part of the problem … and pride makes that a tough sell.

In the language of family systems theory, this girl had become the identified patient, or the family scapegoat.

By blaming her for the family’s problems, the others didn’t have to think about making changes in the family system … or in their own lives.

Many churches do the same thing.  They hire a pastor … and then fire him.  They hire another … and soon afterward let him go … time after time.

Most pastors can readily tell that a church suffers from a serious pathology.  But every time he attempts to point out problems and resolve issues, he becomes a threat to the current system … so he has to go.

The church at Corinth was like that … as was the church in Galatia.

So when Paul wrote his letters to those churches, he didn’t address the pastor or lay leaders … he intended that his epistles be read to the entire congregation.

Let me be blunt: there are many churches in this world where the problem isn’t the pastor … it’s several individuals or a group that doesn’t want the church to change.

Because as long as the church maintains the status quo, they maintain their level of power.

But if the church did change, these powerbrokers would be forced to reflect on their own lives, confess their sins, and get right with God … and quit blaming all their church’s problems on their pastor.

When Israel continually rebelled against Moses in the wilderness, the people demanded new leadership on multiple occasions.

But God didn’t immediately fire Moses and replace him with Joshua.

No, God stuck with Moses.  In fact, it wasn’t Moses whose heart needed to change … it was the heart of the people.  God had to kill off an entire generation before he could let Israel into the Promised Land.

Let me summarize this post by posing three sets of questions:

*How healthy is your family of origin?  Your church?

*How often do people at home or at church blame others for problems rather than look at themselves?

*What might be the best way to help your family or your congregation become healthier?

 

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High Noon at Your Church

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Jim's Ten Favorite Articles, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , , , on March 25, 2013| 4 Comments »

Toward the end of the last millennium, the American Film Institute produced a list of the Top 100 Films of All-Time.  Since I was unfamiliar with most of them, I systematically visited the local video store and checked out as many as I could.

One of those films was High Noon – now listed by the Institute as the 27th greatest film ever.

Last night, through the magic of Roku, my wife and I watched the film again.

Gary Cooper stars as Marshal Will Kane.  (My brother John has lived for years in Montana on land once owned by Gary Cooper.)  As the film opens, it’s Kane’s wedding day.  He’s marrying Amy (played by Grace Kelly).

But as they’re ready to leave on their honeymoon, Kane and his wife learn that the dreaded Frank Miller has been released from prison … and is coming to town on the noontime train … to wreak vengeance on the marshal who put him behind bars.

As evidence of this fact, Miller’s brother and two cohorts ride through the middle of town toward the train depot while all the townspeople scatter.

Marshal Kane is advised to hightail it out of town with his bride and not look back.  After all, a new marshal is scheduled to take over the next day.  Let him handle the Ferocious Four.

Kane is torn.  On the one hand, everybody’s telling him to leave town with Amy … so that’s what he does.  But five minutes outside town, he turns around and goes back, telling Amy that they’ll never be safe if he doesn’t confront Frank Miller and his boys now.

As I watched the film with fascination, I saw many parallels between the way people reacted to the conflict inside their town and the way churchgoers respond to open conflict at their church:

First, everyone feels anxious when a group’s leader experiences an attack.

The opening scenes of High Noon show a town that’s been rejuvenated.  The people of the town are having fun and laughing.

But when Ben Miller (Frank’s younger brother) and his two buddies ride through town, everybody gets off the street and hides.

The town became a happy place because of the work done by Marshal Kane.  He’s the one who cleaned up the streets and made the place safe for women and children.

But as anxiety rises in the town, people begin to engage in self-preservation.

When a group – and it’s always a group – attacks a pastor, the entire church senses something is wrong.

Sometimes people can tell a pastor is under attack because he’s no longer himself.  He lowers his head, doesn’t smile, and seems jittery.

Other times, people start to hear rumors about the pastor – or charges by people who don’t like him.

And as anxiety begins to spread around the church, people start heading for the tall grass.

Second, a leader under attack needs reinforcements.

Marshal Kane was a tall, strong man who knew how to handle a gun.  But would he prevail in a showdown with four experienced gunmen?

Probably not – so Kane began asking the townspeople for help.  He asked men whom he had once deputized.  He asked the guys in the local saloon.  He even interrupted a church service and asked the congregation if a few men would volunteer to assist him.

After all, if 8 or 10 men stood shoulder-to-shoulder next to Kane, then maybe Frank Miller and his gang would see they were outnumbered and just ride out of town.

No pastor attacked by a group in a church can survive unless he has reinforcements.

Maybe some staff members are willing to stand with him … or the entire governing board … or some former leaders … or a group of longtime friends.

If the associate pastor stands with the pastor … along with the board chairman … and a few other key leaders, the pastor may have enough support to turn back the Gang of Gunmen.

But without that support, the pastor … and possibly the church … are toast.

Third, most people bail on their leader when he needs them the most.

This is the heart of the film.

Amy, the marshal’s new bride, runs away from her husband when they return to town because she’s a Quaker and doesn’t want to see any killing.

The guys in the saloon prove worthless.

The people in the church discuss helping their marshal … then decide against doing anything at all.  (The pastor says he doesn’t know what to do.)

And Marshal Kane can’t convince any of his deputies to help him.  One who said he’d stand by his leader runs when he discovers nobody else will help the marshal, and the current deputy is angry with Kane because he wasn’t selected to be marshal after Kane’s tenure.

Kane even goes to see a former girlfriend … and she announces she’s leaving town, too.

Over 25 years as a solo or senior pastor, there were attempts to get rid of me on three separate occasions.

The first two times, the board stood with me.

The last time, most of the staff and a group of current and former leaders stood with me.

But when most pastors are threatened, everybody bails on them.

Why is this?

Because people aren’t informed?  Because it’s not their fight?

No, it’s usually because those who stand beside their pastor when he’s under attack end up enduring the same vilification that the pastor receives … and few are willing to suffer like that.

Finally, the only way to defeat the attackers is to stand strong.

After Frank Miller came in on the noon train, he and his boys left for town to carry out their plan: kill Marshal Kane.

At the same time, Kane’s former girlfriend climbed onto the train … along with his wife Amy.

When Amy hears shots, she instinctively bolts off the train and heads for town.

When she gets there, her husband has already killed two of the four gunmen.

While the drunks in the saloon nervously wait … and Kane’s friends hide in their homes … and the congregation down the road prays … Amy, of all people, defends her husband.

And in so doing, she saves his life … and their future together.

When a group attacks a pastor, they have one of two goals in mind: defeat him (by forcing him to leave) or destroy him (by ruining his reputation and damaging his career).

Because most pastors are tender souls, he usually has just two chances to emerge victorious after such a showdown: slim and none.

Even if the pastor wilts while attacked … and most do … the attackers can be driven away – and even eradicated – if the pastor has just a few Amys on his side.

While we have several incidents in the New Testament where a spiritual leader is corrected (Paul opposed Peter to his face in Galatians; Aquila and Priscilla instructed Apollos in Acts 18), we don’t have any incidents in the New 
Testament where a group of believers tries to destroy their spiritual leader.

So let’s do our best to eliminate this ecclesiastical plague in the 21st century.

With the Gang of Four lying motionless on the town’s streets, the townspeople come outside and cheer Amy and Marshal Kane … who drops his badge onto the street and leaves town for the final time.

Once upon a time, pastors would endure an attack in one church … then go to another church, where they’d be attacked again … then do the same thing several more times.

In our day, most pastors are leaving ministry after the first attack.

If High Noon ever comes to your church, don’t just talk or pray.  If your pastor is being unfairly accused, be willing to fight with him.

Because if he leaves town, the Gang of Four will end up in charge.

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Profile of a Clergy Killer, Finale

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , on February 4, 2013| Leave a Comment »

When pastors get together, what do they talk about?

Their walk with God?

Their family?

Church progress?

Yes, but in my experience, when pastors congregate, they talk about their ecclesiastical adversaries more than any other topic.

Why is this?

Maybe it’s because pastors can’t discuss this issue with anyone in their own congregations … or because their wives don’t want to hear about it anymore … or because they know that other pastors are the only ones who really understand how they feel.

Pastors must endure chronic complainers … and occasional critics … and these individuals can be found in every church, regardless of size.

Most pastors don’t lose too much sleep over these people.

But ministers do lose sleep over a special brand of critic: the Clergy Killer.

I wrote about CKs in my last article, highlighting three traits they all have in common:

*A CK is someone who strongly disagrees with the direction the pastor is taking the church.

*A CK is someone who collects the complaints of others.

*A CK is someone who seeks additional power in the church.

As I mentioned last time, I can only identify 15 CKs that I’ve known over 36 years of church ministry … and 5 of them were people who attacked my pastor when I was a staff member.

That means as a solo or senior pastor, I’ve only been attacked by 10 CKs … but one is far too many.

Let me share two additional traits of a CK:

Fourth, a CK is someone who makes a conscious decision to lead a charge against a pastor.

A CK isn’t just a critic or a complainer.  Those people can stay in a church for years and never become a CK.

A CK wants to destroy his or her pastor.

When is an attack by a CK most likely to occur?

According to research, between years four and five of a pastor’s tenure.

Why then?

Because by then, a pastor has clearly laid out the direction he wants his church to go.

The pastor’s agenda usually prompts two strong responses from parishioners: agreement or resistance.

Those who resist the pastor’s leadership at this point can go in one of two directions: either they choose to leave the church or they choose to stay and push out their pastor instead.

In my second pastorate, I had this happen to me right on schedule … between years four and five.

When CKs make the choice to force out their pastor, they will use any means at their disposal to get rid of him: threats … rumors … exaggeration … and clear cut lies.

In most cases … and this is going to be a strong statement … CKs believe that it’s permissible to commit evil actions as long as they eventually get rid of their minister.

This is why CKs must be identified and stopped … but only by using the twin weapons of truth and love.

As a wise man once said: beware lest in fighting a dragon, you become a dragon.

Finally, a CK is someone who will never admit that what they’re doing is wrong.

CKs are rightists … people who seek to control everyone around them … insisting that people – including their pastor – do church the way they want church done.

I know of a church that seems to be going down the tubes.  They have been looking for a new pastor for more than a year.  One of their conditions for any candidate is that the person agrees not to use contemporary music during worship.

How much do you want to bet that a CK is chairman of the search team?

The CKs I have known exhibit personality traits that tend toward narcissism, sociopathy, and paranoia.

Their narcissism tells them that they are superior to the pastor.  They don’t believe the pastor knows the right direction for the church … they do.

Their sociopathy tells them that they need to defeat the pastor to feel good about themselves.  The pastor can’t be reclaimed or restored … he must be obliterated.

Their paranoia tells them that they better “get” the pastor before the pastor “gets” them.  So the CK overreacts to every possible slight or offense, interpreting things the pastor says or does in the worst possible light.

What happens to a CK after their attack on the pastor?

Some stay in their church … but rarely repent.

Some leave their church … but only if the pastor can amass a supportive coalition that will confront the CK head-on.

Some are disciplined by the Lord … either through tragedy or death.

I take no pleasure in writing about CKs, but there is a place in Christ’s church for prophetic warnings, and I want to sound the alarm.

For you see, when I was a boy, several CKs banded together and pushed out my pastor.

Less than two years later, my pastor died.

That pastor was my father.

And not long afterwards, that church went out of existence.

What most Christians fail to understand is this:

An attack on your pastor is ultimately an attack on your church.

Never, ever join forces with a CK.

Instead, if you suspect someone is demonstrating the traits of a CK, confront them.  Expose them.  And defeat them.

This is the way of apostles like Paul and John and Peter and Jude.

And it needs to become our way in the 21st century as well.

_________________________________________

This is the 250th article that I’ve posted since December 2010.  I used to think it was a good day if I had 25 views in a day.  Now I regularly receive 3 times that number, for which I praise God.

I’m not writing about issues for the general Christian public … I’ll let others address those things.

Instead, I want to write about topics that Christians think about but can’t find much guidance on.  I want to expose the dark side of the church to the light.

I literally have scores of topics I can write about … all I have to do is peruse the terms people type into their search engines to find my blog.

My Top 10 all-time most viewed articles are:

1. If You Must Terminate a Pastor (3 1/2 times more views than the second most-read article)

2. Pastors Who Overfunction

3. Secular Songs You Can Sing in Church, Finale

4. When to Correct a Pastor

5. Secular Songs You Can Sing in Church, Part 1

6. When You’re Upset with Your Pastor

7. Pastors Who Cause Trouble

8. Conflict Lessons from War Horse

9. Facing Your Accusers

10. Why I Love London

Like most writers, sometimes I write for myself, and other times, I write to shed light on a problem area.

I can never predict how many times a particular article will be read … but I’m grateful every time someone reads even one.

And that includes you, my friend.

Thanks for reading!

Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and a forum where you can ask questions about conflict situations in your church.

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Profile of a Clergy Killer

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , on February 1, 2013| 6 Comments »

Have you ever seen the British TV show Whitechapel?

The show is about detectives in London’s East End who deal with gruesome murders committed by copycat killers who emulate famous criminals.  The first series deals with attempts by the detectives to detect and arrest a murderer who has been replicating the crimes of the infamous Jack the Ripper.

To find the murderer, the show’s three stars must examine crime scenes, check forensic evidence, interview those who knew the victims … and attempt to write a profile of the actual killer.

If they can create such a profile, they hope to stop more murders in the future.

Unfortunately, most churches have another kind of murderer in their midst … a clergy killer.

I first heard the phrase “clergy killer” 16 years ago when I attended a seminar for pastors and their wives.  On that occasion, I was given an article by G. Lloyd Rediger about this issue.

That same year, Rediger published his pioneer work Clergy Killers.

While I will use Rediger’s phrase in this article, the rest of the work is mine.

Over the course of 36 years in church ministry (4 churches as a staff member, 4 as a pastor), I have been able to identify at least 15 CKs in the 8 churches I served in.

*3 churches had 3+ CKs, while 3 others had none.

*Most CKs were men – by a 2-1 ratio.

*3 married couples in separate churches worked in concert to force out their pastor.

*3 were board members at the time they surfaced as a CK, while one was an office manager.

*2 of the 15 died of heart attacks at inopportune times.

Clergy killers are not simply chronic complainers … or those who disagree with leadership decisions … or those who get mad and leave a church.

No, clergy killers are self-appointed individuals who are on a mission to get rid of their pastor … and they will use any means at their disposal to accomplish their goal.

What is the profile of a clergy killer?  Here is a composite from my experience:

First, a clergy killer is someone who strongly disagrees with the direction the pastor is taking the church.

These are complaints I’ve heard over the years (some were directed at the pastors I worked for, some at me):

“The music on Sunday mornings is awful.”

“The church doesn’t do enough with the denomination.”

“The pastor doesn’t work hard enough.”

“The church is mismanaging its money.”

“The pastor is lazy because he doesn’t teach enough during the week.”

“The pastor is too focused on the needs of the unchurched and not the congregation.”

“This church is not run enough like a business.”

After each complaint, add the phrase, “And it’s all the pastor’s fault … so he needs to go.”

A person doesn’t qualify as a CK because they mentally toy with these thoughts, or because they share them privately with their spouse or a friend.

No, a person becomes a CK because they boldly – even brazenly – begin to share their complaints with their network at church … almost indiscriminately.

And the upshot is that since the pastor is going in the wrong direction, he must be removed.

Second, a clergy killer is someone who collects the complaints of others.

The CK knows that his or her complaints aren’t enough to eliminate the minister.  They’re just opinions … and not impeachable evidence.

So the CK begins to contact churchgoers they suspect have their own complaints against the pastor … often after worship on Sundays.

The CK shares their complaints in hopes that (a) their compatriots will agree with them, and (b) share some of their own issues.

This gathering of grievances is wrong.

In fact, I’ll even go further: it’s sinful.

And if it continues, it’s downright satanic.

When I collect complaints from others, I encourage them to share their offenses with me.  In the process:

*I haven’t made any attempt at sharing my own feelings with the pastor so he can explain his position or make things right between us.

*I don’t encourage others who are upset with the pastor to speak with him directly … but with me instead.

*I’m using their complaints to build a case against the pastor in direction violation of Matthew 18:15-17 and 1 Timothy 5:19-21.

*I’m not interested in a fair process or in reconciliation … I’m interested in becoming judge, jury, and executioner for my network.

One pastor calls this pooling of offenses “the bait of Satan.”

Here’s the interesting thing: the pastor often finds out who is doing the complaining as well as the nature of at least some of the complaints anyway.

Years ago, when a CK went after me, he began making calls to people who had left the church, suggesting that they left because of me.

One woman vehemently denied that I was the reason she left … and proceeded to tell me what was going on … which was exactly the right thing to do.  Her call provided evidence that a CK was at work in our midst and allowed church leaders to construct a strategy to force him out instead.

Just remember: if the CK had one clear-cut spiritual/moral felony to report about the pastor … like denying the deity of Christ … or an illicit sexual relationship … or stealing money from the offering plate … that might be sufficient to push out the pastor.

But because the CK can’t produce evidence of such felonies, the CK tries to pile up a host of lesser offenses instead … hoping the sheer volume of complaints will be enough to compel the pastor to leave.

And that is not the work of God.

Third, a clergy killer is someone who seeks additional power in the church.

The CK feels that he or she is superior to the pastor … smarter than the pastor … and more connected with the congregation.

Because the CK has an inflated view of their greatness, they believe that they know what’s best for the church … and that the pastor does not.

As I think about those who were CKs in previous ministries, they fall into two categories: those who had a church position and wanted greater authority, and those who did not have a church position but felt they deserved one.

The majority of CKs I have known fall into the latter category.

Some of them had once been on the church board but had not been asked to serve again, which made them resentful over time … especially when they noticed who did get onto the board.

Some of them taught a class or held a leadership role, but felt they deserved more authority because they alone knew what was best for the church.

The truth is that most CKs feel powerless in life.

Maybe they no longer wield the power they once did at work … or the government is after them … or they’re not getting along with their spouse … and they sense they can regain a measure of control if they seize power at church.

Some CKs were even called to the ministry earlier in life … and rejected that call … but still wish to be the Protestant Pope of their congregation.

If you’ve read this far, you might be wondering, “Jim, does this stuff really happen in churches or are you exaggerating to make a point?”

No, it really happens.  In fact, 25% of all pastors have been forced out of church ministry by CKs at least once.

Know anybody who fits this profile so far?  (I hope not.)

I’ll finish up next time.

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Five Reasons Why Pastors Vanish, Finale

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , on January 30, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Imagine that you attend your church this weekend. You’re in a great mood: your family is healthy, work is going well, and all is right with your world.

You vibrantly sing the worship songs … take notes during the pastor’s message … and feel great about your church.

Then at the end of the service, your pastor stands and reads a letter: he’s resigning … leaving your church forever … after many years of productive service.

He tells you he’s tired … that he’s looking forward to future opportunities … but you wonder what the real story is.

In my last article, I mentioned three reasons why pastors suddenly disappear:

*They’re tired of fighting a handful of antagonists.

*They’re frustrated in their efforts to reach their community for Christ.

*They are tired of being so lonely.

Let me add just two more reasons … even though I could add many more:

Fourth, their family members are hurting because of relentless criticism.

While all pastors believe that God has called them to ministry, many pastor’s wives did not receive that same call.  They believe that God has called them primarily to love their husbands and their children.  They are willing to attend services and serve in a ministry as long as it doesn’t negatively impact their home life.

But when a pastor’s wife sees her husband unfairly attacked … and she sees the toll it takes on his health and his joy and his walk with God … she begins to pull back from church people and church work.

This scenario alone can cause a pastor’s wife to beg him to quit church ministry.

And inevitably, as a few critics focus on the pastor’s shortcomings, they will target her with attacks as well.  They will criticize the way she dresses … whether or not she works outside the home … and how she performs her ministries, among other things.

As these criticisms float back her way, she will be deeply hurt … and such criticisms are meant to hurt.

She’ll pull back even more and strongly suggest that her husband resign.  Some may even threaten to leave him if he doesn’t.

But when people start attacking their children … and if the pastor hasn’t left by now, some will … she will shift into protective mode and insist that her husband resign to save their family.

Pastors going through such situations are torn.  On the one hand, a pastor once took a vow that he would stay married to the same woman forever.  On the other hand, he also went through an ordination process recognizing God’s call upon his life.

When the vow and the call clash, a pastor feels pulled in two directions.  If he goes with the vow, he may lose his ministry career.  If he goes with the call, he may lose his wife … and possibly his career … anyway.

To save their families, many pastors choose to resign from their positions instead … and the pastor normally won’t acknowledge this factor publicly.

My guess is that when pastors vanish, this factor probably plays a role more than 50% of the time.

Finally, they have been asked or forced to leave by official church leaders.

This problem is now at epidemic levels in the Christian community.  Although I’ve read that 1,300 pastors per month are forcibly terminated, it’s safe to say this is true of at least 1,000 pastors per month.

There are so many possible scenarios at work here:

*Sometimes a pastor becomes frustrated with the board because board members focus more on maintenance and money than taking risks to reach people for Christ.

*Sometimes the board becomes frustrated with the pastor because he seems to be tone deaf toward their suggestions and needs.

*Sometimes a board member is personally offended by something the pastor did or said … but never talks to him directly … and gets back at the pastor by leading the charge to get rid of him.

*Sometimes the board becomes convinced they can run the church better than the pastor, so they take shortcuts, trump up some charges, and attack him with every weapon in their arsenal.

*Sometimes the board forces the pastor to resign because they’ve lined up the associate pastor or an interim pastor to preach … while they run the church their way.

Whatever the real reason why pastors and boards stop working well together, when their relationship starts to break down, the pastor will probably be the one who ends up leaving … even if he gets along with every other person in the entire church.

When the pastor stands up to announce his resignation, he probably won’t mention his problems with the board … especially if it affects any separation package he may receive.

Just like baseball managers, elected politicians, business CEOs, and rock bands, few positions in this world come with automatic lifetime appointments.

But for some reason, many of us assume that our beloved pastor will stay at our church forever.

When he leaves, we may grieve for a while, but in the back of our minds, we wonder:

Why did he really leave?

I’ve shared five possible reasons with you.

But if you really want to know, there’s one surefire way to find out:

Why don’t you ask him?

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Five Reasons Why Pastors Vanish

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , on January 28, 2013| 6 Comments »

Several years ago, a prominent pastor announced his resignation to a shocked congregation.

I knew something about this pastor because he had taught me in school and had once led a retreat for our youth group.

After his announcement, I went online and read comments from people who loved this pastor and appreciated his ministry.

They didn’t buy the public reasons he gave for leaving.  They wanted to know the real reasons.

Why do at least 1,500 pastors leave church ministry every month?

Let me share five real reasons:

First, they’re tired of fighting a handful of antagonists.

Most pastors – about 75% – are feelers rather than thinkers.  No matter how much they claim they can handle constructive criticism, any criticism wounds them to the core.

There are people in every church who have figured this out.  They know instinctively that if they continually find fault with their pastor, he will wilt, become ineffective, and eventually quit.

While these people know the pastor’s values, the pastor doesn’t know theirs.

Regardless of church size, when push comes to shove, most pastors leave a church because of a group of 7-10 individuals.

The pastor of a megachurch once told me that no matter how well things went on Sunday, he received a barrage of critical comments on Monday.

When the criticism occurs week after week, month after month, and year after year, it’s no wonder some pastors finally say, “I’m out of here!  I’ve had enough.”

This is why every pastor needs a few spiritual bodyguards who will serve as his protectors and encouragers.

Second, they’re frustrated in their efforts to reach their community for Christ.

If a church truly wants to reach people for Jesus, it will have to make some changes.

It will have to make changes in its worship service(s) … in its leadership structure … in the way funds are allocated … in the way decisions are made … in the way people interact with Scripture.

While some Christians are eager to make such changes, many … if not most … are not.

Too many believers have a vested interest in keeping things the same – year after year – regardless of how effective their church is.

I hesitate to quote Robert Schuller at this point, but I’m going to do it anyway because I believe he’s right.  I once heard him say:

“Any church can grow if it puts the needs of the unchurched ahead of the churched.”

He’s not saying that a pastor should ignore the needs of his people.  Far from it.

But if a pastor only focuses on pleasing the congregation he already has, few if any people (other than the kids of believers) will come to faith in Jesus Christ.

If evangelism isn’t front-loaded, it won’t happen.

The pastor of a rapidly growing church once told me that as his church grew, Christians were constantly trying to get him to change the church’s mission so that it focused exclusively on believers.  Pastors can sense this resistance.

When the pastor is the only one who really cares about reaching the community – and this happens in all too many churches – don’t be surprised if he quietly disappears.

Third, many pastors are tired of being so lonely.

Why is this?  Two thoughts:

*For starters, pastors carry around the problems and pains of their people 24/7.

If you’re in a small group, you know about the sufferings of a handful of people.  But the larger a church grows, the more problems come to the pastor’s attention … and if he’s a caring pastor, he’ll be thinking and praying about those problems constantly.

And most pastors are legally forbidden from sharing the problems of counselees with anyone else … even their wives.

Many times, I’d be out with my wife, and she’d wonder why I was staring into space … but I couldn’t tell her that I was hurting for someone at church.

*In addition, pastors know they can have friends at church … just not close friends.

Why not?

It’s simple: a pastor’s primary vocational problems concern others in his church … like staffers … and board members … and loudmouthed antagonists … and the pastor does not want to run down those people to others.

Because if the pastor really opened up about how he felt, his feelings might get around the church … and hurt people … and hasten his own demise.

So he remains silent … and talks only to people outside the church … if he can find someone who will listen.

Christian counselors will listen … but they can cost a lot of money.

Pastoral colleagues might listen … if you can set up an appointment three weeks in advance.

Many pastor’s wives will listen … but the pastor can’t tell her everything.

Many pastors quit because it’s lonely at the top … and they’re tired of being perpetually lonely.

I’ll add two more reasons next time!

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When Pastors Have a Showdown

Posted in Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , on November 7, 2012| 4 Comments »

Remember your first job?

I worked for a butcher’s shop for $1.00 an hour … then washed dishes for three days at a restaurant (quitting because the hours were too late) … then washed vehicles for a few days … then worked for McDonald’s for two long years.

At 19, I was hired by the elders of my church to work with high school and college students for the summer.  At that end of that period, I was hired to work with those same students permanently.

I was a youth pastor in three churches … and later a teaching pastor and an associate pastor.

The sum total of my staff assignments was 10 1/2 years.

And I served another 25 years as a solo or senior pastor.

So I have a pretty good idea what it’s like to be a staff member as well as the lead pastor in a church.

As a youth pastor, I tried to do whatever my pastor asked me to do.

I didn’t pull any passive-aggressive stuff … agreeing to carry out the pastor’s wishes while later refusing to do so.

I wanted to please my pastor … and keep my job.

But as I’ve learned over the years, not all staff members have that attitude … which is why pastors and staffers clash far more than most churchgoers know.

In my previous article, I told the story of a youth pastor (let’s call him Frank) who wasn’t coming into his office at church to work.  Even though his pastor (let’s call him Rick) told him that he needed to clear time off with him first, Pastor Frank chose to ignore Pastor Rick’s directive.

After the pastor tried to clarify matters with Frank, Frank called a board member (let’s call him Joe) who had two kids in the youth group.  Frank told Joe that Pastor Rick had unfairly singled him out for correction and that he was so upset about Rick’s action that he was thinking about leaving the church.

Joe assured Frank that his kids loved him and that he would make sure Frank’s job was safe.

At the next board meeting, during his monthly report, the pastor informed the board of the latest incident with Frank.  Most board members asked a few questions but left staff management in his experienced hands.

But after the meeting, Joe called Frank to tell him that “the pastor is out to get you” and “my family won’t let that happen.”

Because Frank sensed total support from Joe, he felt he had cart blanche to act any way he wanted, even if he resisted the pastor’s supervision.

When Pastor Rick met with Frank every week, Rick could sense that Frank was no longer cooperative.  Rick didn’t know what was happening.

In actuality, the pastor had been “triangled” by the youth pastor.  Because Rick and Frank weren’t getting along, Frank sought out a third party to assume responsibility for their relationship … and Joe played his part just as Frank hoped.

So instead of the pastor supervising the youth pastor … with the board member as the pastor’s ally … now it’s the board member linking arms with the youth pastor against the pastor.

And now, my friends, you have the makings of a classic showdown.

Frank gradually pulls away from Rick altogether, missing staff meetings and avoiding conversations with the pastor.  Rick notices the change but doesn’t know what to do because he can sense not all board members are behind him.

After several months of this cold war, Rick schedules an appointment with Frank for lunch on Wednesday.

When the pastor arrives at the restaurant, he’s greeted by the youth pastor … and two board members, including Joe.

The pastor is now in a serious double bind.

On the one hand, he needs to regain control of his relationship with the youth pastor, even if he has to fire him.

But on the other hand, if Rick does dismiss Frank, those two board members … and their families … and other board members … and their families … and other students … and their families and friends … may all leave the church together.

They will claim that Pastor Rick mistreated Frank.

They might even insinuate that the pastor is mistreating other staff members.

They may even consider taking action against the pastor rather than let the youth pastor leave.

This is going to be a very difficult situation to resolve.

How can this showdown be resolved in a way that honors the Lord, respects all parties involved, and preserves church unity?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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Betrayed: A Film Exposing Clergy Killers

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , on October 10, 2012| 6 Comments »

Did you know there are individuals in our churches who seek to destroy pastors?

There is a term for such people: “clergy killers.”

I first heard the phrase used by Dr. Lloyd Rediger in an article promoting his book Clergy Killers which was published in the late 1990s.

The late Dr. Rediger was an ordained Presbyterian minister, a pastoral counselor, a church consultant, and the author of books on clergy burnout and toxic congregations, among others.

In 2011, when I learned that Dr. Rediger lived in the Southwest, I contacted him about the possibility of meeting someday.  However, he told me he couldn’t meet because he was busy working on a film about the clergy killer phenomenon.

The film has now been released, and it’s called Betrayed: The Clergy Killer’s DNA.

My wife and I recently viewed the 90-minute film in its entirety … hitting the pause button along the way to discuss what we had just heard.  (I can be annoying that way.)

The film features unscripted interviews with pastors, psychiatrists, and Christian leaders who seek to expose what they say has been “the best kept secret in the Church.”

And these leaders hail from evangelical, mainline, and Roman Catholic congregations.

Those who are interviewed discuss the motivations of those who attack clergy … our need to label this kind of behavior as “evil” … the viciousness of the attacks … the role of Satan and spiritual warfare … and the heavy cost that clergy killers exact on pastors, their families, and congregations.

In fact, clergy killers consider themselves to be on a mission: to destroy a pastor at all costs … regardless of how much the CK hurts others.

The film not only exposes people who attempt to harm their pastors, but also indicts churchgoers who allow this “emotional terrorism” to happen without doing anything.

I encourage you to order this film and watch it with other believers.  It’s one of the best things you can do to keep your church healthy … and to protect your pastor from unwarranted attacks.

In fact, if you’re in a small group, I encourage you to show the film sometime and discuss it afterwards.

You can order the film from the following website (and they’ll send it right out):

http://www.betrayedthemovie.com

It’s one of the best moves you can make to protect your pastor … and your church … from clergy killers.

Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and a forum where you can ask questions about conflict situations in your church.

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Standing up to Emotional Terrorism in Churches

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Jim's Ten Favorite Articles, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , on October 8, 2012| Leave a Comment »

A wise old pastor once warned me to avoid “the kiss of death.”

The kiss of death for a pastor isn’t administered by a woman … or a governing board … or a government agency.

No, the kiss of death occurs when a pastor resigns his position without anywhere else to go … because when churches are looking for a pastor, they prefer to call one who is already serving in a church rather than one who is in secular work or unemployed.

I nearly experienced the kiss of death in my second pastorate.

The church I served as pastor was the result of a merger between two churches … and I had led one of those churches.

The church board and I went on a retreat in the mountains.  We evaluated the entire ministry, including ways to improve everything we did.

This included the music ministry.

The board agreed to allow a band of young men to play for our services on Sunday mornings and evenings.

(The mother of the board chairman liked the band so much that when she died, she requested they play at her memorial service.)

However, when we made this change, I warned the board in advance that some people weren’t going to like it.

And I was right.

One middle-aged couple in particular became incensed about the music.  The wife refused to come to church.  Her husband eventually stayed home as well.

One year later, this antagonist contacted my district minister to complain about me.  By this time, he had gathered together a small but vocal contingent of people who viewed me as the antichrist.

One night, my district minister and I had a conversation in which he recommended that I resign to keep the peace in the church.

However, the entire board had told me that if I resigned, they would all resign along with me … leaving the church in the hands of the antagonists … who didn’t have a collective clue as to how to run a church.

Fortunately, the board stood with me … but the district leadership wilted.

For years, this scenario has played itself out in thousands of churches:

*The district leaders of a denomination hold a training time for pastors.

*The pastors are encouraged to institute changes in their churches so they will grow numerically.

*The changes always involve taking risks … and such risk-taking always angers some attendees.

*Those attendees who are angry about the changes don’t speak directly with their pastor about their feelings.

*Instead, they go around the pastor and form a faction inside the church designed to oust the pastor … threatening to boycott services and withhold giving unless their demands are met.

*In the process, someone in their group calls the district minister and complains to him about the pastor, intimating that the pastor is so divisive and/or ineffective that he should be removed from office.

*The district minister listens to the complainers, ends up taking their side, and then recommends that the pastor resign to keep peace in the church.

That’s exactly what happened to me 25 years ago.

Here’s the problem, however.  For any church to grow:

*The pastor needs to assume leadership.

*Leadership involves taking risks.

*Risk-taking always provokes change.

*Change always provokes anxiety and even anger.

*And those reactions are always aimed at the leader … in this case, the pastor.

*If the pastor receives support from the church’s governing board, he will survive and the church has the best chance for success.

*The pastor also needs support from his “superior,” whether that’s a district minister or a bishop.

*But if either the board or the district collapses on the pastor, he may be forced to resign.

I’ve recently been reading an insightful and motivating book on denominational leadership at the district level.

It’s called Hit the Bullseye by former denominational executive Paul Borden.

Borden says that district leaders need to become coaches for pastors, who need to become better leaders in their churches.

And if this occurs, Borden writes about district leadership:

“We are also willing to confront those congregations and congregational leaders (the emotional terrorists) who for years have chewed up pastors and spit them out.  We have confronted both pastors and congregations even though it has cost the region the loss of financial support.”

That last statement takes great courage to implement.  One of the reasons district leaders side with a church over against their pastor is to keep donations to the district flowing.

Borden continues:

“Finally, we are adamant about not letting the region be used to promote congregational triangulation, which allows laity to condemn pastors anonymously.  If any lay leaders call the region to complain about their pastor those leaders are told they must first confront their pastor before we will become involved in offering assistance, if that is required.”

Borden goes on to say that “congregational transformation will create tremendous conflict in dysfunctional, dying churches” and that “the worst thing that can happen in the midst of such conflict is mediation, since the conflict is more about the transfer of power and who will lead the congregation, than individuals or groups not being able to get along.”

Let me tell you one reason why so many churches aren’t growing and so many pastors are ineffective.

It’s because pastors instinctively know that for a church to grow, they’ll have to take risks … and if they do, they may very well end up standing alone without any support … because many Christian leaders will not stand up to emotional terrorism.

Will you?

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