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Pastoral Termination and Confidentiality

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on November 4, 2013| 2 Comments »

Someone recently told me about the time her pastor was fired.

After the church board met with the pastor to proclaim his termination, the chairman stood up at the next Sunday service, announced the pastor’s departure, and told the congregation not to contact him at all.

I can understand why a board might feel that way.  After dismissing their pastor, they’d probably be concerned that the pastor might:

*criticize the board’s decision to others.

*undermine the board’s authority.

*encourage members to leave the church.

*start a new church nearby composed of people from his former church.

But if I was a church member and I was publicly told, “Don’t contact the pastor at all,” I’d contact that pastor immediately.

Why?

Because I’d assume that the board was trying to cover up something … like how badly they bungled the pastor’s termination.

Let me tell you why this concerns me.

It is becoming increasingly prevalent for church leaders to try and destroy the reputation of their pastor after he leaves their church.

Why?

Because they’re afraid that the pastor may tell his side of the story to church attendees … and they don’t want that to happen.

Church leaders only want one version of events to become public: their version.

And if the pastor tells his version to even a few people, it may get around and contradict the “official” board version … and this could cause some people to turn against the church board and leave the church … taking their friends and money with them.

But once a church board terminates their pastor – rightly or wrongly:

*Most churchgoers are going to talk about it.

*Some churchgoers will seek to hear the board’s side.

*Some churchgoers will contact the pastor to hear his side.

*All churchgoers will make up their own minds as to what happened.

In my book Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict, I made this statement:

“When leaders make people promise blanket confidentiality during a conflict, they are trying to control the flow of information … as well as their opponents.”

Sometimes after a termination, the church board is saying:

“We believe that we’ve terminated the pastor for just cause.  If you possessed the information that we have, you’d agree with our decision.”

But sometimes, they’re saying this instead:

“We felt that the pastor was acquiring too much power, which would minimize our authority.  So we trumped up some charges to take him out.  Nobody can contradict our version of events except the pastor, so we’re going to discredit him before anybody contacts him.  Whatever he says, he’s trying to hurt the church.”

In my mind, such an attitude indicates a spirit of control … which is why I’d contact the pastor right away to hear his version.

As Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”

People don’t like to be controlled.  And nobody likes a gag order.

But if the board did what was right in God’s eyes, why would they need to try and control anyone or anything?

Shouldn’t they relinquish control of the situation to God instead?

Once a board forces out the pastor, they can no longer control the consequences.

And once the pastor has left the church, how can the board continue to control him?  They’ve severed the relationship.

When I was a pastor, occasionally people would leave the church angrily.

A Sunday or two later, somebody would invariably approach me and say, “I heard Joe and Betty left the church.”

Was it my place to speculate as to why they left?

I didn’t want to misrepresent them.  So I’d say, “If you’re concerned about them, why don’t you call them and speak with them?”

Was that risky?  Of course.  But any other answer would indicate that I was trying to control people and circumstances.

And that’s not the job of a church leader.

That’s God’s job.

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The Forgotten Enemy

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , , on October 30, 2013| 1 Comment »

Tomorrow is Halloween.  I loved Halloween as a kid.  I don’t love it anymore.

Why not?  As I described in my book Church Coup, events occurred on Halloween four years ago that changed the way I view the day forever.

Simply put, in the midst of a church conflict, my family was spiritually attacked on October 31.  I witnessed the attack, along with several others.  It was frightening … custom-designed … and very, very real.

The intent?  To destroy my family and my ministry.

In the book, I chose not to reveal the details of the attack which did not originate from humans, but from the enemy of our souls.

Satan is real.  He hates God the Father …  Jesus Christ … Jesus’ church and followers … and even you.  If the devil and his hordes cannot keep a person from following Jesus, they will seek to neutralize or even eliminate that believer’s impact so that Christ’s kingdom cannot advance through them.

If you’re courageous enough to keep reading, let me share a story that I left out of my book.

__________

Kim and I had seen Satan at work in Silicon Valley nearly twenty years before.  Santa Clara County has a much larger array of agnostics and atheists than almost anywhere in the United States, so it’s a spiritually resistant area.  We were launching a new church in a warehouse located at a busy intersection when our family suddenly began to receive obscene phone calls at home.  An anonymous caller continually left menacing messages taken from a Three Stooges short or a movie.

One time, the caller left a message taken from the soundtrack to the film The Poseidon Adventure.  Gene Hackman plays a minister trying to lead survivors out of a large ship that had capsized.  Ernest Borgnine’s character says to him at one point, “I’ve had just about enough out of you, preacher.”  That very quotation from the lips of Borgnine’s character was left on our machine!  When I consulted with Dr. Ed Murphy, a worldwide expert in spiritual warfare, he surmised that someone had put a curse on our church.

Dr. Murphy writes about this issue in The Handbook of Spiritual Warfare:

“Cursing is not used in the Old Testament with the Western idea of swearing or speaking dirty words.  Cursing in the Old Testament is a power concept meant to release negative spiritual power against the object, person, or place being cursed.  This is true even when God does the cursing.  In fact, most curse expressions in Scripture refer to God’s action or the action of His servants in accordance with His will.  It is God releasing His power or judgment.  That is why I call it negative spirit power even when activated by God.”[1]

Dr. Murphy continues:

“Many believers have been victims of the curses of the Enemy pronounced by the Enemy’s power workers…. Such curses, to be most powerful, are ‘worked up’ by invocations to the spirits and satanic magic.  They are overcome only by the greater power of God.  Sometimes God does not automatically overcome those curses on our behalf, however.  We are to learn the world of spirit power curses and break them ourselves.  Thus the importance of group spiritual warfare praying.”[2]

After our grand opening, our church quickly became the second largest Protestant church in our city, but we constantly sensed there were strong spiritual forces working against us.  When our warehouse church found itself between leases, the owner forced us to move out, and in the process, we lost one-third of our attendees overnight.  It was only then that I discovered that some illicit activities had been occurring at the intersection where our church was located.  The massage parlor diagonally across the intersection from us was the scene of a host of immoral sexual activity, and our immediate area had become a haven for drug dealers.  When our church moved into that warehouse, we were invading Satan’s territory.  No wonder he fought us so hard the whole time we were there!

Our church moved to a high school five miles away and I eventually scheduled a series of messages on controversial issues.  The night before I was scheduled to speak on A Christian View of Homosexuality, all hell broke loose in our home and church.  Without going into detail, the spiritual warfare I experienced before I gave that message was so real that I could almost smell sulfur – and I did give the message.  But I was so attacked the night before that I felt compelled to write a resignation letter because I sensed that my wife and I had become special targets of Satan.  While I never submitted the letter to the board, I resigned a few months later because, for the first and only time in our lives, our marriage had become severely strained due to events at church.

__________

There are several more stories in the book that discuss the spiritual warfare that new church experienced.  It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.  While I’ve sensed the influence of Satan at various junctures during my 36-year church career, the occasions I’ve just described represent the two worst attacks I’ve experienced.  Satan and his minions tend to leave pastors and churches alone when the mission is muddled, few people are converted, and the church fails to make inroads into the community.  But when a church penetrates the spiritual Red Zone – to use a football analogy – the evil one begins to target the quarterback (pastor) with blitzes and cheap shots designed to knock him out of the game … all the more reason why the quarterback needs a skilled and determined line to protect him.

This is a good time of year to remember that while Satan is real and powerful … our God is more powerful still.

Jesus gave Paul a mission in Acts 26:17-18.  It’s ours as well: “I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.”

Our Lord and Savior told Paul that Satan is real … that he has power … that he wants people to remain in spiritual darkness … that he wants people to wallow in an unforgiven state … but that he has already been defeated at the cross.

But we cannot defeat Satan by fighting each other.  Fellow believers are not the enemy.  The enemy is the enemy.

Let’s unite together and fight him instead.

      [1] Dr. Ed Murphy, Handbook of Spiritual Warfare (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1992), 442.

      [2] Ibid, 444.

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When Should a Pastor Replace a Leader?

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on October 16, 2013| 6 Comments »

What should a pastor do when the person leading the music on Sundays isn’t working out, but is someone the pastor loves?

That’s the dilemma I faced in my second pastorate.

Jim was in his mid-70s when I first became a pastor.  He chaired the deacons … headed up the search team …  and yes, picked me up at the airport.

While he chose me to be his pastor, I did not choose him to be my song leader.  I inherited him.

We became friends.  We went to ballgames together … served at the rescue mission … and were in frequent contact.

Jim was also the church’s song leader for the Sunday morning and Sunday evening services.

I liked Jim, and he liked me.

After two years, our church merged with a sister church five miles away.  Jim remained the song leader … but he was losing it … and I didn’t know what to do.

Jim was an old school song leader.  He waved his arms to piano and organ accompaniment.  In the mid-1980s, that was bad enough.

But Jim kept choosing the same songs … to the point that we never learned any new music.  He frequently sang the wrong words … or stopped singing altogether because he often lost his place.

Worst of all, Jim felt it was his duty to tell jokes between songs … and he kept telling the same bad jokes over and over again.  (“Can you be a smoker and be a Christian?  Yes … but that will make you a stinking Christian.”)

Those comments didn’t exactly lead the congregation in an enraptured state to God’s throne.

To be kind, Jim was killing our worship times.  He wouldn’t let anyone else lead the music.  He wouldn’t let anyone else choose songs on Sunday nights.

And God forbid that we would ever use a band!

And yet, Jim was largely responsible for bringing me to the church … he still had influence in the congregation … and he was my friend.

What should a pastor in a similar situation do?

How should a pastor make a move to replace a leader who is no longer working out?

First, the pastor needs to clarify his authority.

Pastors sometimes have far less authority than people think.  For example, I intentionally tried not to weigh in on who should lead the women’s ministry.  Let the women handle that!

If there was a problem with an adult youth leader, I wanted the youth pastor to deal with that.

While I wanted to stay in touch with each ministry, I didn’t want to run each one, either.

But when it comes to a church’s worship services, everybody expects that the pastor is ultimately in charge.  And if the music is getting increasingly worse, the pastor needs to take action.

So in my case with Jim, I already had the authority to do something.

I just needed the courage to use the authority I had.

Second, the pastor needs to elevate ministry standards.

If a leader isn’t performing at the level the pastor expects … and the church requires … then the pastor needs to raise the bar.

The pastor needs to have a conversation with the leader in private.  The pastor may also need to create or modify a written position description that describes expectations and benchmarks for success.  He can ask the leader he’s struggling with for input as well.

The pastor then needs to say, “I need to see improvement in the areas I’ve specified over the next six weeks or three months.  Let’s meet every couple of weeks until the deadline.  I want to do everything I can to help you succeed.”

And the pastor needs to inform the church’s governing board that he’s trying to elevate the standards in that particular ministry.

I didn’t have this conversation with Jim, and I’m not sure it would have helped.  Because of his age – he was 78 at this point – he would have interpreted any criticism of his ministry as an indication that I was trying to put him out to pasture.  In addition, he was more than twice my age, and I’ve always been deferential to my elders (1 Timothy 5:1).

In our case, Jim and I clashed before we had that conversation.

Third, the pastor needs to expect sabotage.

From whom?  From the leader the pastor is trying to help.

Sabotage comes in different forms:

*Insubordination: “I am not going to do what you want.”

*Seniority: “I was here long before the pastor … and I’ll be here long after he’s gone.”

*Passive-aggressive behavior: the leader gives the pastor the impression of cooperation but resists making any changes.

*Coalition-building: the leader tells his/her network that the pastor is “trying to remove me from leadership” … hoping that network will support him/her against the pastor.

For this reason, the pastor needs to let the leader know in advance that actual sabotage in any form is grounds for instant removal.

In my case, I asked Jim one Sunday morning if he would sing some songs I had chosen about friendship for that evening’s service.

Jim told me, “Every pastor I’ve ever worked with has always let me choose the songs.”  I replied, “That’s fine, but I want us to sing these specific songs this evening.”

Jim refused.

And then he complained to his network that I was trying to curtail his authority.

I did not back down.  This was a battle I had to win.

The issue was not, “Which songs are we going to sing tonight?”  The issue was, “Who is ultimately in charge of our worship services … as well as our music?”

And the answer has to be, “The pastor.”

Fourth, the pastor usually needs to have a replacement available.

Before the pastor moves to correct a leader, he needs to have someone else available to step in and take the leader’s place … even on an interim basis.

There are exceptions to this rule.

For example, the pastor may not want to remove just the youth pastor … he may also want to blow up the entire youth ministry.

So if he removes the youth pastor from leadership, the pastor may let the youth group flounder for several months.

Why?  Because this gives the pastor time to find a new leader … and may rid the youth group of volunteer leaders who aren’t working out.

As I recall, in Jim’s case, we didn’t have another song leader available …  but that didn’t make Jim irreplaceable.

We eventually replaced him with a band.

Finally, the pastor needs to be prepared to let the leader – and his network – walk.

Whenever I had a tough conversation with a church leader, I knew from experience that the leader might get their feelings hurt and eventually leave the church.

So if the leader stays and improves, it’s a bonus.  But too often, the leader becomes upset, complains to family and friends, and the pastor becomes their enemy.

And for a pastor, losing a leader … and that leader’s network … is painful.  In their hearts, pastors don’t want to lose anybody.

But sometimes, leaders block a ministry’s progress, and if they won’t receive correction and initiate improvement, they have to go.

Especially with a ministry as important as music.

With Jim, he invited himself to the next board meeting, where he had not one … not three … but seven complaints to register against me.

The board listened to Jim’s complaints … challenged him on every one … and Jim sensed that they supported their pastor.

The next morning, he called to tell me that he was leaving the church.  Sadly, that was the end of our friendship.

And this is why these decisions are so full of conflict for pastors.

On the one hand … here is a leader who has been faithful and effective for a long period of time … even years.

But on the other hand, the leader no longer can take the church where it needs to go, and if they stay in charge of that ministry, it might never improve.

So what should the pastor do?

If the pastor does replace that leader, the pastor may lose the leader’s friendship … the leader may leave the church, along with his/her network … and there is no guarantee that the next leader will be any better.

If the pastor doesn’t replace that leader, that ministry may continue to flounder, the pastor may lose people’s respect … and if this scenario is replicated with other ministries, the pastor may end up leaving instead.

What are your thoughts on this issue?

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Correcting a Pastor Graciously

Posted in Burnout and Depression in Ministry, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Please Comment! on September 25, 2013| 10 Comments »

Today marks another milestone for this blog: my 300th article.  By the end of the day, I should reach 50,000 total views as well.

If this is your first visit, or we’re old friends, thanks for reading.  And rest assured: there are enough topics floating through my brain for at least 300 more articles!

As I sometimes do, I thought I’d share my views today in the form of a story …

____________________

Pastor Ryan was frustrated.  The church he led – Redeemer Community Church – was not going well, at least in his mind.  Attendance was down 5% for the year … giving was down 7% … and several key families had recently left the church.

For the past 4 years, Redeemer Community had grown steadily under Pastor Ryan’s leadership.  But the church seemed to have hit a wall, and Ryan wanted to knock that wall down.

Ryan was especially impatient with the elders, the church’s governing board … and at the last board meeting, he let them know how he felt in no uncertain terms.  Ryan was a bit surprised by how angry he became, and he was sure that the board members were equally surprised by his sudden outburst.  Ordinarily, Ryan would have contacted each of them and apologized, but for some reason, he put the idea out of his head.

Fortunately, Jack, the chairman of the elders, was a mature believer both spiritually and emotionally.  While Jack did debrief with several board members after the meeting, he didn’t overreact to Ryan’s outburst.  Jack figured that Ryan acted out of character because something else was bothering him.  Rather than reprimand him publicly at the next meeting, Jack decided to take a different approach.

So Jack invited Ryan out to breakfast.  After they engaged in small talk, Jack said to Ryan, “I was concerned about the emotions you expressed at our last board meeting.  You didn’t seem like yourself.  I want you to know that I love and respect you as both my pastor and my friend.  So I’d like to ask you … is everything all right?”

Ryan appreciated the invitation to share.  He was embarrassed about the way he had expressed himself at the board meeting.  So the first thing he did was apologize for his outburst.

Jack let Ryan know that he forgave him and that he wouldn’t bring up the matter again.  Ryan then asked Jack, “What would be the best way for me to apologize to the other board members?”

Jack suggested that Ryan bring up the matter right before the board prayed at the next meeting.  Jack assured Ryan that the others valued him as pastor and were more concerned for his welfare than that Ryan had somehow offended them.

Ryan felt relieved.  He had been worrying that the board might severely reprimand him for his outburst … or even discuss firing him.  But Jack’s attitude made him feel like a new man.

Jack told his pastor, “You have done so much good since you’ve been here.  The church has grown.  People have come to Christ.  I’ve seen spiritual breakthroughs in people’s lives, and you’re largely responsible for that.  I believe your best days in this church are ahead of you.”  Ryan felt a surge of energy flow through his spirit.  How he longed to hear someone … anyone … affirm his ministry.

Jack continued, “But Ryan, I need to tell you that several elders were a bit shaken by your outburst the other night.  We don’t want to work for you, and we don’t want you to work for us.  I want us to work together.  The way you acted made me wonder if you want us to work for you.  Am I seeing things right?”

Ryan said, “No, Jack, I don’t want the board to work for me.  I sincerely want to work with the elders.  Because I meet with the elders only monthly, sometimes I forget my place.”

Jack responded, “It’s good to hear you say that.  We’re not here to hamstring you.  We’re here to work alongside you … to be your cheerleaders and protectors … and to help you get things done at our church.”

Ryan said, “Thanks, Jack … that means a lot to me.”

And then Jack asked a question that Ryan had been hoping somebody would ask him: “How are you doing … really?”

Ryan started to cry and asked, “Do you know how long it’s been since someone asked me that?”  Ryan felt that people only valued him as a pastor.  He longed for someone to value him as a person.

Ryan began, “The downturn in attendance and giving has created some fear in me.  I’m afraid that the board or a group in the church is going to blame me for those numbers and that I’m going to be fired.  I really don’t know if my fears are rational or irrational.  Can you help me out?”

Jack assured Ryan, “I don’t judge a pastor’s ministry solely by numbers.  While we’d all like to see attendance and giving steadily increasing, I’ve been around long enough to know that every church has seasons where things aren’t quite jelling.  Personally, I don’t think our music is really reaching the majority of our congregation and that we may need a new worship director.  I also think that you need to finish your study in 2 Chronicles on Sundays because while that book might interest you, most people mentally checked out long ago.  And I think our small group ministry needs some tweaking.  But those are all solvable problems.  If you’re willing to discuss them at the next meeting, I can assure you the rest of the board will be receptive.”

Ryan couldn’t believe how supportive Jack was.  He then asked Jack, “Would it be all right if I told you something else?”

Jack countered, “Of course, Ryan.  Your personal well-being directly impacts the well-being of our church family.”

Ryan searched for the right words and said, “I’m struggling with exhaustion right now.  I don’t want to hear people’s problems.  In fact, sometimes I don’t want to be around people at all.  I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I’ve been afraid that if I tell the board, no one will understand and I’ll be subject to removal.”  Ryan nervously waited for Jack’s response.

Jack wasn’t fazed.  He said, “Ryan, I can tell that you’re not yourself.  I think you need to take some time off.  I don’t know what’s wrong with you or how much time you’ll need, but let me offer several thoughts.”  Ryan listened attentively.

Jack said, “First, I think you need to see a Christian counselor, at least for several sessions.  Whatever your insurance doesn’t pay, the church will pick up.  After all, if the way you’re feeling is church-related, then it may be an occupational hazard.  We want to invest in your long-term mental and emotional health.  Then once we have a diagnosis from the counselor, we’ll know how to proceed.  If you’re suffering from stress, maybe you just need two or three weeks away.  If you’re suffering from burnout, the recuperation period may be longer, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  But I do know this: only a healthy pastor can lead a healthy church.”

Ryan couldn’t believe his ears.  He had been living under the impression that if he ever shared how he really felt with the “board chairman” … or any board member … that they would take steps to dismiss him.  But Jack seemed to understand that Ryan was a human being … a fallible human being …  and that knowledge began to heal Ryan on the inside.

Pastor Ryan apologized to the elders at the next meeting.  They instantly forgave him and even hugged him, being quite aware of their own weaknesses.  When Ryan became frustrated at one point in the meeting, he calmed his spirit, stated honestly but kindly how he felt, and the board understood and heard his view.

Ryan visited a Christian counselor, who told Ryan that he was in the beginning stages of burnout.  The counselor recommended that Ryan take 4-6 weeks off and work on some issues in his life.  Jack and the board assured Ryan of their support and that his job would be waiting for him when he returned.

Ryan returned from his time away with a renewed desire to serve a church that reflected the gospel in the way they treated their pastor.  Yes, Ryan was human.  No, he could never be perfect.  But the gospel message isn’t for non-humans or infallible people.  It’s for those who admit that they need God’s grace.  And having once received it, they’re eager to pass that grace onto others.  Too often, pastors preach grace but experience law from their church and its leaders.  But when pastors receive grace, they extend grace … and when they extend grace, they receive even more grace.

Having experienced God’s grace from his own church family, Pastor Ryan slowly began to feel more energized.  He led better … preached better … and made better decisions.  The church came out of their temporary slump and continued to grow in numbers … and in grace.

All because the church board dealt with their pastor graciously rather than harshly.

May their tribe increase!

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Four Reasons Why Pastoring is Rough

Posted in Burnout and Depression in Ministry, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on September 11, 2013| 4 Comments »

When I was in seminary, my pastor told me, “I feel sorry for people in your generation who become pastors.  You’re going to have to face a lot of issues that many of us pastors never had to face.”

After 36 years in church ministry, I’m pretty sure that I’ll never pastor again.  Even though I have the requisite training, experience, skills, and knowledge, I don’t know if my emotions could handle the rigors of pastoring anymore.

Why is pastoring so rough?

First, pastors always have to be “on.”

A pastor has to be careful with every email he writes … every phone call he makes … every joke he tells … and every conversation he has.  If he lets his guard down for one minute, he may say or do something stupid … and some people will use that against him in the future.

While Christians are fond of saying that we’re “not perfect, just forgiven,” most people expect their pastor to be perfect … and pastors instinctively absorb that expectation.

I recently had a conversation with a pastor who had once been verbally attacked.  He shared some of the complaints against him.  You would not believe how petty they were.  Nobody could stand that kind of scrutiny.

Pastors don’t just have to be “on” when they’re in the pulpit.  They have to be “on” when they’re in the men’s room at church … when they’re driving out of the church parking lot … when they’re answering the phone at home on a Saturday night … and when they’re attending a social event anywhere.

In fact, pastors get so used to being “on” that at times, it’s difficult for them to hit the “off” switch and just relax … and without knowing it, they can easily burn out.

I once heard Chuck Swindoll tell a roomful of pastors that churches that require their pastors to be out too many nights eventually lose them.  And yet, when I was a pastor, evenings were the only time when I could meet with a small group … meet with the programming/worship team … attend board meetings … attend men’s ministry meetings … and on and on.  While I wasn’t driven, I felt like I was shirking my responsibilities if I wasn’t working at least three nights a week.

What’s the solution?  Let your pastor be a person before he’s anything else.  Realize that he has his limits … that he gets weary and tired and frustrated … and no matter how energetic he seems, he can’t always be “on.”

Of course, neither can you.

Second, pastors have few confidants.

During my first pastorate, I was asked to be a guest speaker several times in other venues, and they all went well.  Eventually, I was asked to speak for a district men’s rally … kind of a big deal.

It just so happened that our daughter Sarah decided to enter the world that morning.  I remember working on my talk while trying to assist my wife in the hospital.

When I got up to speak to those 80 men … I couldn’t speak.  I had a great talk prepared, but I had trouble delivering it.  Looking back, it was probably “stage fright.”

I bombed so badly that nobody asked me to do guest speaking for years.

When I went home that evening – my wife was in the hospital – I needed to talk to somebody about what happened to me.  I was in bad shape emotionally.

But who could I contact?

*I couldn’t be vulnerable with anyone from church because they wouldn’t have understood.

*I couldn’t speak with my wife because she was dealing with her own pain.

*I couldn’t call a Christian counselor because I didn’t know any.

*I couldn’t call most of my old friends because they wouldn’t have understood, either.

I finally called a friend who was a pastor, and he gave me lots of time … as he always has.

But this is a recurring problem for pastors.  When a pastor has a major problem, who can he confide in?

The solution?  Most pastors need a pastor … and preferably several pastors … because there are times when a pastor needs someone to listen to him … to accept him … to understand him … and to assure him that no matter how he feels today, he’ll eventually feel better.

And if the pastor makes his wife his only pastor, she may not be able to handle the strain.

Third, pastors are never done working.

There’s always one more person to call … one more parishioner in the hospital to visit … one more letter to write … and one more sermon to review.

And if you’re a perfectionist, things can take twice as long … and you feel guilty about the work you haven’t finished.

The smaller the church, the more access that churchgoers expect to have with their pastor.  Some want the pastor to be their personal buddy.

The larger the church, the longer that TO DO list gets.  Growth can become a monster.

During my last pastorate, I took Fridays off.  But invariably, I didn’t finish my message … or my outline … until almost noon that day, even though I worked on my message at home all day on Thursdays.  My wife would say, “Just finish!  You need to stop!”  But sometimes I needed another story … or to research one last thing … or I felt I could make a point a little better … and I couldn’t stop until I felt good about that message.

Some members do expect their pastor to work superhuman hours.  Every time they drive by the church, they expect to see the pastor’s car there … and if they don’t, they assume the pastor is goofing off somewhere.

Some pastors internalize the ridiculous expectations of these critics and tell themselves, “I may not be the best preacher or leader, but maybe I can prove my worth by overworking.”

I once heard Christian author/counselor Norm Wright say that anybody who works more than 60 hours a week is crazy.  By that measure, many pastors are certifiably insane.

Solution?  The church board needs to tell the pastor, “Here’s what we expect you to do … and not to do.  And if we see you exceeding your limits, we’re going to love you enough to call you on it and insist that you take care of yourself.”

Sometimes I was aching for even one board member to tell me that.

Finally, pastors are haunted by their critics.

I’m currently watching a series of DVDs presented by two experienced church consultants.

One of them told his class, “I don’t know that I’d like to pastor a church again.”  After pastoring three churches in his younger days, he went on to become a seminary professor.

The second consultant stated, “The meanest people I ever met didn’t hold a candle to people I’ve met in the church.”  He said that the attacks of church members against pastors often become personal, nasty, and mean.

It doesn’t take many critics to bother a pastor.  It only takes one.

In his biography Moon River and Me, the late singer Andy Williams recounts a conversation he once had with comedian Bill Cosby.  Cosby was performing in a venue where everyone seemed to love his act … except one guy in the front row who wouldn’t laugh at anything Cosby said.  Williams encouraged Cosby to forget about that individual, but Cosby said that he couldn’t.

I know the feeling all too well.

I’ve been criticized for growing a beard (30 years ago) … for not making my toddler son sit through church services … for wearing a suit … for not wearing a suit … for using the word “guts” in a sermon … for letting drums into the church … for letting women into leadership positions … for not being profound … for being too deep … for not preaching John 3:16 every Sunday (I’m not kidding) … for not giving altar calls (even though they’re never found in Scripture) … for not being Chuck Smith or Chuck Swindoll … for not leading forcefully enough … for leading too strongly … and on and on and on.

Give me five minutes, and I can recall ten more criticisms … because like most pastors, I remember the complaints far more than the compliments.

And although pastors learn to shrug off many criticisms, the cumulative effect begins to wear them down after a while.  They start being guarded … isolating themselves … staying away from people … and barking at those who do criticize them … even if they mean well.

Solution?  Test the criticisms with a trusted confidant.

Last winter, my wife and I flew back east and visited a church that was considering me as an interim pastor.  Much of our time went well, and we met some wonderful people there … but some people did and said things that were insensitive, and on the drive back to the airport, we decided we couldn’t do church ministry anymore.

The latest statistics are that 70% of seminary graduates are quitting ministry before their fifth-year anniversary.  It’s rare to hear anymore about a pastor who has completed 30 or 40 years of ministry.

If you’re a church leader or a church goer, pray for your pastor … and let him know that.  Encourage your pastor … verbally and in writing.  Accept your pastor … for his weaknesses and his strengths.

And remember: public ministry can be so difficult that Jesus only did it for 3 years.

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Five Verses for When You Hit the Wall

Posted in Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , on August 28, 2013| 6 Comments »

There have been times in my life – and ministry – when I hit a wall and did not know what to do next.

I stared at the wall.  It was high.  It was deep.  It was solid.  It was thick.

And it looked impenetrable.

There was no way to go over the wall … or under it … or around it … or even through it.

But I tried.  I really tried.

I slammed the wall with my shoulder … and ended up howling in pain.

I backed up and ran hard at the wall … and the wall won.

I looked for something to carry me over the wall … but nothing surfaced.

I tried to dig my way under the wall … but the wall seemed to descend forever.

For all intents and purposes, I was trapped … and I hate feeling trapped because I prize options.

During many of those feeling trapped times, the Lord came and ministered to me through a single verse of Scripture.

Let me briefly share five of those incidents as a way of encouraging you:

*My first pastorate was very difficult.  I was 27 and the average age of the congregation was 60.  We met in a school cafeteria.  The church was filled with quirky Christians.  On a good Sunday, 50 people showed up.  After the board and I unanimously agreed to a tough decision one night, they quickly reversed themselves, and I was left standing all by myself.

I was afraid that I was going to be fired.

And then our church received notice that our city would be bulldozing down the school where we met so a developer could construct condominiums … and our congregation had nowhere to go.

I stood and stared at the wall.

One day, I read 1 Peter 5 … a chapter that has always encouraged me.  Peter writes in verse 10:

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 

I was suffering all right … more than I ever had in nearly ten years of church ministry.  And yet God promised that the suffering would be temporary and that He would make me “strong, firm and steadfast” through it all.

And He did.

*My second pastorate was even worse.  A sister church five miles away invited our group to merge with their congregation.  Our group said they would come on one condition: that I became the pastor.

I did not want to be a bargaining chip.

After doing some research, I learned that Merger Math usually goes like this: 1+1=1.

Truth be told, I didn’t want to pastor the merged church.  I wanted out.  I went to my district minister and asked him, “Please help me find somewhere else to go.”

He tried, but there wasn’t much of a market for a 29-year-old pastor who served a church of 50 people.

I stood and stared at the wall … again.

Then I read and preached on 2 Chronicles 20.  Three invading armies attacked Jerusalem unprovoked.  King Jehoshaphat proclaimed a time of public fasting and prayer.  The people ended their prayer with these words: “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.”

Then Jahaziel addressed his king and his people in verse 15:

“This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God’s.'”

If you know the story, the people marched toward a hill overlooking the place where all their enemies convened.  The people began to sing and praise God, not knowing what to expect ahead.

But the Lord was working behind the scenes … and when the people of Judah reached the lookout point … their enemies were all dead, having killed each other.

When the deadline came for me to make a decision, I signed the contract to become the new church’s new pastor, remembering that “the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

*That ministry did well at first.  We even had 140 people one Sunday.  But the two groups that came together were incompatible both philosophically and personally.

A church of 80 plus a church of 50 should have resulted in a church of 130+.

Instead, Merger Math prevailed, and after 18 months, we were rapidly plunging toward 80.

And as the attendance and giving went south, I blamed myself for the merger’s failure.  I became depressed and withdrawn, not knowing what to do.

I had hit a wall once more.

Galatians 6:9 pulled me through:

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

I wanted to give up.  But God had clearly called me to that church, so I tried to re-channel my energies.  Even though I couldn’t see the way ahead, I chose to believe that my ministry would “reap a harvest” … not at a time of my choosing, but “at the proper time” … a season of God’s choosing.

*Over the next few years, I gave the church my best leadership.  We revised the church constitution and bylaws … remodeled the worship center … reviewed the entire ministry … revitalized our worship service … and renewed our walks with Christ.

We were happier, but we didn’t grow.  I tried everything I knew, and nothing worked.

It felt like the wall was winning.

Feeling frustrated and desperate, I began to use the Lord’s prayer as a guide to prayer every morning.  I paid particular attention to Matthew 6:10:

“Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

I told the Lord, “I see five options for my future.”  And every day, I’d pray through the options.  I told the Lord the option I preferred, but left the final call up to Him … and He chose the option I least expected!

In fact, it’s an option that most pastors and churches rarely entertain.

*Our leaders decided to sell our church property and start a new church with a new name in a new location.

We were an unlikely bunch to pull this off … and some people told us that.

Although God led us through the entire project, it was slow going at times.  And when the planning commission turned down our request for an occupancy permit, a prominent Christian leader predicted that our goose was cooked.

Once again, I had hit a wall … and it was the tallest, thickest, and widest wall of them all.

Somebody didn’t want our church to exist … somebody in the spirit realm.  During that time, I leaned heavily upon Paul’s words in Ephesians 6:13:

Therefore, pull on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Up to this time in my ministry, I had only experienced opposition from inside churches … but now our opposition came from outside the church in the form of that nitpicking planning commission.

But our church called a day of prayer and fasting … appealed to the city council … and won a 7-0 vote!

It took us 30 months to hire staff … sell the property … find a light industrial building … obtain an occupancy permit … and construct a worship center.  And due to the slowness of construction, we had 7 different dates for our grand opening … continually revising dates because things weren’t yet finished.

But on November 8, 1992 – one of the great days of my life – 311 people showed up for our first public service.

Over the next 5 years, we led many people to Christ and baptized 100 new Christians, becoming the second largest Protestant church in our city.

In fact, years later, Dr. Gary McIntosh asked me to write a chapter about our adventure in his book Make Room for the Boom … or Bust!

By God’s grace, I didn’t give up, and at the proper time, He finally supplied a harvest.

Now I’m in a different season of life.  Although I’ve learned a lot about the Lord’s ways over the years, I still hit walls now and then.

In fact, it feels like my wife and I have just hit another wall in our lives.

Rather than panic, we have to remember what the Lord has done for us in the past.  As Joshua told Israel in Joshua 23:14:

“You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed.  Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.”

I may fail the Lord at times, but He never fails.  Throughout my life and ministry, He has come through … not when I wanted Him to, or how I wanted Him to … but when and how He saw fit.

You may be standing in front of a giant wall right now.  You feel like you’re trapped.

What should you do?

I’ve found it helpful to ask God to give me a verse from His Word, and to live out that verse, trusting that He will eventually break down any barrier.

As Psalm 18:29 says:

With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.

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The Foolishness of Secret Meetings

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , on August 14, 2013| 9 Comments »

Have you ever attended a “secret meeting” at your church?

I have … on at least three occasions.  On each occasion, I as senior pastor met with the church board to discuss disturbing allegations that had come to light about staff members.

So what I’m about to write about does not primarily apply to officially called meetings of a church’s governing board … unless the board violates Scripture, church bylaws, and the gospel.

But have you ever had a group call a secret meeting about you?

Yes.  I know of one definite secret meeting where I as pastor was the topic of conversation, although there have probably been others that I’ve never found out about.

During my second pastorate, a former board member (I’ll call him Bert) resisted changes that the church board and I had implemented in our worship service.  Bert and his wife left the church and began attending elsewhere, but a year later – invited back by a few disgruntled individuals – he returned.

And right after Bert’s return, someone called a secret meeting.  I was the unwilling focus of discussion.

The first attempt at meeting secretly didn’t work.  A board member – who supported me 100% – showed up at the meeting unannounced.  The meeting was quickly cancelled.  (Secret meetings are no longer fun when they’re no longer secret.)

But the second meeting came off successfully.  I was later told that 17 people attended the meeting.  (That was better attendance than we sometimes had for midweek Bible study.)

Guess who became group spokesman?  That’s right … my good friend Bert.

The group sat in a room and listed every sin … every offense … and every thing they didn’t like about me … my wife … my 9-year-old son … and my 6-year-old daughter.

They came up with quite a list.  If they had only shown the list to me, maybe I could have repented of those sins and experienced instant sanctification.

But they didn’t show me the list … they wanted to show the list to the church board.

Fortunately, those 17 people couldn’t keep their mouths shut, and someone tipped me off to their tactics.  The Secret Meeting Coalition wanted to meet with the church board to confess all my personal and professional sins.

So the following Saturday morning, I called a meeting with the church board in my office.  First, I needed an answer to a crucial question:

“How do you feel about what the SMC is doing?  Do you agree with them?”

The board assured me – to a man – that they stood behind me 100%.  In fact, they said that if I resigned, they would all quit as well … which would place the church squarely in the hands of the SMC.  Not good.

I then offered two suggestions:

“How about if two of you meet with two of their representatives?”

That evened the playing field … opened up the chance for dialogue … removed a lot of emotion from the meeting … and provided the best chance for me to be treated fairly.  The board made this suggestion to the SMC, and they agreed to it.

“Rather than letting them read their whole list of charges against me, why don’t you answer each charge as it’s being made?”

The board thought that was an excellent idea, and that’s what they did.

After the two groups met, I was informed of the charges against me and my family.  Mercifully, I can only remember a handful of them.

For example, I was accused of not reprimanding a woman in the church who wore her dresses too short … and the SMC was right about that.  (Besides the fact that this woman’s marriage was falling apart, I never thought it was my place as a pastor to ever tell specific women how to dress.)

The SMC also brought up that my wife’s slip was showing one Sunday.  (But if it bothered somebody so much, why didn’t they love my wife enough to speak with her directly instead of telling 16 other people about it?)

Every single criticism was precisely that petty.  (If I had been guilty of just one major offense, they wouldn’t have had to manufacture miniscule offenses.)

After the two board members answered every single criticism, the SMC probably held several more secret meetings.  They eventually left the church en masse, formed a new church in a school one mile away, and used our church as their sole mission field.

Let me make five observations about secret meetings in churches:

First, secret meetings are not found anywhere in the NT.

Secret meetings are spiritually dysfunctional … relationally damaging … highly political … and psychologically unhealthy.  The secrecy itself says far more about group members than it does about anyone the group is focused on.

Peter Steinke, in his brilliant book Healthy Congregations: A Systems Approach, states: “When we are anxious … we are imprecise, vague, covert, less transparent.  We operate in darkness.  Secrecy is a deadly virus.  Undetected, it can do untold damage, lasting for years.  How can a congregation be a healthy community if it lives in darkness, keeps skeletons in the closet, and allows destructive disease processes to continue?”

Second, secret meetings are an unbiblical way to handle people’s grievances. 

If someone was upset with me or my wife personally – according to Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15 – they should have spoken with us directly, not about us to others.  If they didn’t like the answer they received from us, they could have proceeded to bring in witnesses as Jesus specifies in Matthew 18:16.  And if they were still unhappy about our personal conduct, they could have used the process Paul specified for correcting pastors in 1 Timothy 5:19-21.

But how was listing my faults and sharing them with board members going to help me to become a better person and pastor?

If someone was upset about a church policy – like changes in the worship service – they could have spoken with any board member because we had all agreed on the changes together.  If they didn’t like the answer they received from a board member, they had two options: stay and submit to church leadership, or leave the church peacefully.  A secret meeting was not going to resolve any of their concerns.

But when people pool their grievances, they automatically become divisive.  Joe is upset with the pastor for Offense A … and now Madge is upset with the pastor for Offense A as well.  She takes Joe’s side … carries his offense … adds a few of her own … and the whole group falls right into the trap that one author calls The Bait of Satan.

Division in a church begins when people begin to pool their grievances.

Third, secret meetings tend to overfocus on one person – usually the pastor.

These meetings are specifically arranged to find a scapegoat for the unresolved anxiety experienced by some group members.  “We’re feeling uncomfortable right now, so let’s blame how we feel on the pastor – and if we can make a case against him, we’ll all feel ecstatic very soon.”

But the church would have been in far better shape spiritually if those who had met to hypercriticize their pastor met instead to confess their sins … read Scripture together … pray for church leaders … and engage in a service project for somebody else.  But for some reason, they never found the time to do that.

Fourth, secret meetings reveal the immaturity of participants.

Let me quote Peter Steinke once again: “Secret meetings are not arranged for the welfare of the whole community, nor are they dialogical in nature…. Secrets support immaturity.  Underground murmurers in a community are usually insecure, dependent, and childish people.”

Why is this?  Because participants in secret meetings do not feel strong enough to share how they feel with their pastor or leaders.  They only feel strong when they meet with fellow malcontents.  But when they do, nobody will challenge them … nobody will disagree with them … and nobody will love them into health.  And when they finally leave the room clinging to a list of somebody else’s faults, they are silently confessing that they don’t know anything about grace or redemption.

Rather than becoming angry with people who resort to secret meetings, we should genuinely feel sorry for them … and if they don’t repent, pray them right out of the church.

Finally, secret meetings consist of ecclesiastical vigilantes.

These people ignore the teachings of Scripture on reconciliation … bypass due process as outlined in church bylaws … and decide to take matters into their own hands.  Their group alone knows what’s best for the church!

That particular group of vigilantes couldn’t make a go of their new church.  They found attracting newcomers was hard going, although I have a feeling that they never figured out why.  Their church eventually disbanded.

And you know what was ironic?  When two of the people in that group died, I was asked to conduct their funerals.

I assumed that everyone in that group hated me, but they didn’t.  Only a couple of people in that group really hated me.

It’s been 25 years since that secret meeting took place.  I’ve learned a lot since then about healthy and unhealthy behavior among Christians.

And one of the things I’ve learned is that many of the secrets that arise out of secret meetings eventually become known.  Nothing stays hidden forever.

And yet tonight … all over this land … Christians will be holding secret meetings … most of them aimed at their pastor.

To quote from an old folk song, “When will they ever learn?”

_______________

Check out my website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find my story and recommended resources on conflict.  I will also be leading 3 seminars addressing church conflict on Saturday, August 17 in Temecula, California.  The details are on the website.  I’d love to have you join us!

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How Should a Pastor Handle Critics?

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , on July 29, 2013| 2 Comments »

It’s precarious to be a pastor in our day.  According to the latest research, 70% of pastors are leaving ministry before they reach their fifth year out of seminary.

Why is this?

I could cite many possibilities, but my guess is that well-meaning pastors eventually wear down under a relentless barrage of criticism.

There are times when a critic is right … but much of the time, the critic means well but only represents his/her own ideas, not those of the majority of the congregation.

When I was a pastor, there were times when people accused me of doing something wrong and I disagreed with their assessment.

I heard their criticism … weighed their charges … but didn’t take their side … and in some cases, it made them angry.

A sampling:

*When I wrote my personal doctrinal statement for my district’s ordination committee, a committee member – a megachurch pastor and author – told me that my statement lacked warmth.

But isn’t a doctrinal statement supposed to be about truth and accuracy instead?

*When I met with a denominational executive many years ago, he told me, “You went to the wrong seminary.”

But should I have checked with him before applying to the school?

*The relative of a recently-deceased person from my last church called me up and chewed me out for preaching the gospel at his father-in-law’s memorial service.

But should I have mouthed pious platitudes and sentimental mush instead?

*A board member once chided me for preaching on “political issues” after I preached from Matthew 19 on Jesus’ view of marriage.

But aren’t the words of Jesus in Scripture both normative and relevant for Christians today?

*A couple once became angry with me for refusing to marry them.

But isn’t Scripture clear that a believer is not to marry a non-believer?

Sometimes a pastor knows that his critics have made a valid point.  There’s a little phrase I learned long ago for such situations: “Maybe you’re right.”

But there are times when a pastor’s critics fire bullets at him and the pastor knows they’re wrong … even if the critic believes they’re right.

When Paul appeared before the Roman governor Felix in Acts 24, Tertullus the prosecuting attorney accused Paul of being a “troublemaker” guilty of “stirring up riots among the Jews all over the world” and that Paul “tried to desecrate the temple.”  Acts 24:9 adds, “The Jews joined in the accusation, asserting that these things were true.”

But were they true?  In Paul’s mind, he was merely preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ.  But in the minds of his critics, Paul was inciting public violence and attempting to destroy Judaism.

How did Paul handle this situation?  Agree with his critics?  Throw himself upon Felix’ mercy?  Head straight for jail?

No, Paul answered each accusation, and then says in 24:16: “So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.”

Paul said, “I know my heart.  I have examined my motives.  I’ve mentally reviewed my actions, and before God, I am not guilty of the charges brought before me, and I haven’t done what you’ve accused me of doing.”

It takes a lot of courage to be a pastor today.  The verbal attacks against pastors are often cruel.  (Ever read an online story about Rick Warren?  He preached for the first time in months after his son’s suicide last weekend … and the critics were waiting with sharpened knives.  Check out this article from Time and read some of the comments afterward: http://swampland.time.com/2013/07/28/rick-warren-preaches-first-sermon-since-his-sons-suicide/)

Why bring this up?  Three reasons:

First, because when some churchgoers criticize their pastor for an alleged offense, and the pastor disagrees with their assessment, they become irate.  And from that moment on, they turn on the pastor.  But should a pastor surrender his integrity and agree with critics just to keep them happy and in the church?

Second, because when some board members criticize their pastor for an alleged offense, and he disagrees, they claim, “The pastor is stubborn and doesn’t listen to us.”  Most likely, the pastor heard the criticism loud and clear … he just doesn’t buy it.  When I was a pastor, if I had done everything my critics wanted me to do, I would have come off as a weak and ineffectual leader who was easy to push around.

Finally, because when some churchgoers criticize their pastor for an alleged offense, they want him to apologize and repent for hurting their feelings.  This presumes that a pastor has the ability to control the emotions of others – but he doesn’t.  Have you ever read the Gospels and noticed how many people Jesus offended?  For example, if you compare Mark 3:6 with Luke 6:11, you’ll see that when Jesus healed the man with the withered hand in the synagogue, the Jewish leaders became so furious that they began to plot His execution.  But they were responsible for the way they felt, not Jesus.

It is my job to control my actions and my feelings.  It is your job to control your actions and your feelings.  I cannot control your actions … and I cannot control your feelings … only you can do that.

If pastors had to ask themselves, “If I say this or do that, whose feelings might I hurt?”, they would never do anything.

Many years ago, when I was a pastor, I was accused of doing something that I didn’t do, and the charge really bothered me.  I knew before God that I had done nothing wrong, but that didn’t seem to be enough for a few people.  They wanted blood.

I happened to speak with someone from another profession about the charge, and she said something I’ve never forgotten: “Just because somebody accuses you of something doesn’t mean that it’s true.”

Yes, all pastors sin.  Yes, most pastors are deeply flawed.  Yes, there are times when a pastor steps over a line and needs to apologize and even repent for something he said or did.

But my guess is that the great majority of the time, a pastor cannot agree with his critics … unless they show him from Scripture that he’s wrong … and most critics operate on the basis of their own preferences.

Both Jesus and Paul were accused of doing many things wrong, but they ignored their critics and pressed on.  If they had agreed with their critics, we wouldn’t have a New Testament or a Christian church today.

I believe that the more a pastor focuses on his critics, the less he’ll advance the kingdom of God.  But the more he focuses on God, the greater impact he’ll have on expanding Christ’s kingdom.

And here’s the kicker: God usually doesn’t speak through critics … yet they assume they’re the voice of God … but they aren’t.

During my 36 years in church ministry, God spoke to me most often through (a) Scripture, (b) my pastoral instincts, and (c) my wife.

Critics held place #348 … and that was still too high.

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Who Does the Pastor Work For?

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on July 17, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Pastor Phil couldn’t believe what he was hearing at the monthly meeting of the church board.  He had only been pastor for six months.

Out of nowhere, Don the chairman viciously slammed Pastor Phil.  Don claimed that Phil was preaching against sin too often … that several experiments in the worship service were colossal failures … and that Phil needed to spend less time in sermon preparation and more time in home visitation.

It wasn’t Don’s criticisms that bothered Phil as much as Don’s tone.  Don was implying that Pastor Phil worked for Don!

But that’s not how Phil saw it.  As he planned his time, he didn’t contact Don on a daily basis and ask, “What should I do this Thursday?  Study for my sermon or visit shut-ins?”

It’s safe to say that as many as one thousand pastors are terminated monthly.  My guess is that this question is at the heart of the problem:

Who does the pastor work for? 

As I see it, there are four possible answers:

First, the pastor works for the congregation.

In churches with congregational government, church members vote to call a pastor, usually on the recommendation of a search team and/or the church board.  But while the congregation may have the final say as to who their pastor will be, no pastor can truly work for the entire church body because everyone has differing expectations for their pastor.

Mary wants the pastor to preach through Bible books.  Joe wants the pastor to preach on contemporary social issues.  Linda wants him to speak on family/emotional problems.  Bob wants the pastor to preach on theological truths.

Mary wants her pastor to focus on home visitation/counseling … Joe on administration/organization … Linda on leadership/teacher training … Bob on vision casting/big-picture items.

Mary wants to become the pastor’s personal friend … Joe aims to become his advisor … Linda hopes the pastor will be her advocate for women’s ministry … and Bob wants the pastor to become his golf buddy.

I’ve only shared with you the personal viewpoints of four people!  Can you imagine what it’s like to pastor a church of 75 … or 150 … or 300?  The expectations keep escalating.  The larger the church, the less likely the pastor can ever meet everyone’s expectations.  If he tries, he will fail miserably.

Unless the church is composed of a handful of people, no pastor can ever truly work for the congregation.

Second, the pastor works for the governing board.

Whether they’re called elders, deacons, the church council, the board of directors, or something else, many churches expect that the pastor will work for the governing board.

When I first entered church ministry, this was my assumption.  I’d meet with the deacons once a month and we’d make decisions together.  In fact, I made few decisions without consulting the deacons.

But this arrangement just slowed the ministry to a crawl.  If I made a proposal, but only one deacon hesitated, we didn’t do it.  In fact, the more items I brought to the board, the longer the meetings lasted, and the less we accomplished.

The better way was for the board and I to agree on a job description and for me to report to the board in writing on a monthly basis.  But although I wanted to be accountable, I could never tell them everything I did … and I didn’t want to feed anyone’s micromanaging tendencies.

I believe a pastor should work with the board … not for the board … and that the board’s primary mission should be to encourage and protect their pastor.

When I worked with a board that said, “Jim, you’re the professional.  We’re going to follow your lead and promote your ideas and protect you from attacks” … the church prospered.

But when I worked with a board that said, “Jim, we’re the professionals.  You’re going to follow our lead and expect you to promote our ideas and protect us from attacks” … the church tanked.

Every church I know that is doing something significant for Christ’s kingdom is led by a strong pastor … and I don’t know a single board-led church that is growing to any degree.

Third, the pastor works for a powerbroker in the church.

This person may be a charter member … a wealthy businessperson … the church patriarch/matriarch … a large donor … a church staff member … someone who employs many churchgoers … an adult Sunday School teacher … or a former pastor … but this person holds the real power in the church.  Whenever the pastor wants to make a major change … and sometimes even minor ones … the powerbroker is consulted … even if they hold no official leadership role in the church.

It’s good to have friends.  It’s wise to listen to advice.  But I will never understand why professing Christians ever pledge allegiance to any unofficial/official church leader and let that person do their thinking for them.  It’s not only unwise … it’s just plain dumb.  No powerbroker can ever do for a church what a pastor can do!

Should a pastor listen to board members and powerbrokers?  Yes, he should try and understand their concerns, but that doesn’t mean he should automatically do whatever they want.

Once a pastor has identified a powerbroker, he needs to ask God to remove that person … the sooner the better.  (In case you think this sounds harsh, this is a step that all intentional interim pastors take.  No church can survive if it’s being taken hostage/blackmailed by a powerbroker.)  Whatever the powerbroker thinks, the pastor does not work for him/her … because:

Finally, the pastor works for Jesus Christ.

Jesus is the Head of the church … not the church board … and not a church powerbroker.

Every Christian church is ultimately owned and run by Jesus … and not anybody else.

*Jesus directly calls pastors into ministry.

*The risen Christ gives pastors unique combinations of spiritual gifts including leadership, teaching, shepherding, prophecy, discernment, administration, and showing mercy.

*Jesus leads pastors to engage in formal training in Bible schools and seminaries.

*He gives them ministry mentors.

*He allows them to suffer so they can identify better with parishioners.

*He certifies pastors through the ordination process.

From a pastor’s viewpoint, he works directly for Jesus … with the governing board … over the church staff … and never for any church powerbroker.

But in all too many cases, the board thinks the pastor works directly for them … some powerbrokers think the same thing … and conflict is crouching at the door.

Think about this:

If a church board/powerbroker wants to run off their pastor … and he is not guilty of any biblical offense … then:

*Which board member/powerbroker has God directly called to ministry?

*Which board member/powerbroker has God specially gifted for ministry?

*Which board member/powerbroker has completed formal biblical/theological training?

*Which board member/powerbroker can preach like the pastor … pray like the pastor … counsel like the pastor … and pastor like the pastor?

If the pastor ever capitulates and starts working for the board or for a powerbroker … he’s finished in that church … because a pastor must work directly for Jesus Christ.

What is the church about?

It’s about fulfilling Christ’s Great Commission to make disciples … baptize them … and teach them.

If a structure advances the Commission and expands the Kingdom, we should applaud it.

If a structure hinders the Commission and stalls the Kingdom, we should oppose it.

It seems to me that churches that have a strong leader and a strong preacher do a far better job of advancing the Commission and expanding the Kingdom.

After 36 years in church ministry, I look back and realize that when I was working for the board, the church stalled … and when I worked for the Lord, the church prospered.

As Pastor Chuck Smith from Calvary Chapel has often asked pastors, “Who do you work for: the board or the Lord?”

As for me and my house … we work for the Lord.

Who do you work for?

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Interview with a Church Bully

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on July 15, 2013| 8 Comments »

Let me introduce you to Zane.  He’s been a member of the governing board at the 225-member First Baptist Church in a medium-sized Midwestern city for 42 years.

During that time, Zane has watched 10 pastors come and go … and most of the time, Zane has led the charge for the pastor’s removal.

I recently asked Zane if I could interview him about the way he wields power in his church.  I had just one stipulation: he had to tell the unvarnished truth.  Zane agreed.

Zane, the average tenure of a pastor in your church is less than 5 years.  Why is this?

For the first year or two that a pastor is with us, he is still feeling his way around.  He’s trying to get settled, matching names with faces, and learning about our culture.  During this time, I still wield the power in the church.  But if new people start visiting, and the church starts to grow, then I gather my board buddies together and we start sabotaging the pastor’s ministry.

Why would you do that?  Don’t you want your church to grow?

Not really.  If the church grows too much, then the balance of power will tilt toward the pastor, and we will have to work even harder to dislodge him in the future.  While it would be nice to have more people and funds, we can never let the church get larger than our ability to control things.

But don’t you want to fulfill Christ’s Great Commission and make disciples?

I almost never think about people outside this church.  My goal is to satisfy the desires of the people I know inside this church.

How does that work out in practice?

For example, I meet with my buddies at a restaurant before every board meeting.  We review the agenda and make decisions among ourselves.  Then when we attend the meeting, we control everything, and the pastor ends up having little influence.  On those rare occasions when the pastor persuades the board to do something his way, I contact the board members afterward and bring them back into line.

So you don’t want your pastor to be a leader?

That’s right.  The pastor doesn’t know the community or the church’s history or its people like I do.  We hire him primarily to preach, counsel, do visitation, and conduct weddings and funerals.  We don’t need or want a leader.

When you finally decide that a pastor needs to go, how do you accomplish that?

The best way to get rid of a pastor is to wear him down so he’s no longer effective.  There are several ways we do this.

First, we oppose his plans for outreach.  We can’t afford to have people join the church that we can’t control.  Newcomers are almost always loyal to the pastor, so we have to limit their number.  We usually do this by controlling the money.

Second, we always make sure to attack the pastor’s wife.  We’ll criticize her for working outside the home (meaning she’s not very involved at church).  Or we’ll criticize her for not working outside the home (indicating that she’s lazy).  If she’s not outgoing, we’ll say she’s unfriendly.  If she’s too outgoing, we’ll claim she wants the spotlight.  It doesn’t take long for the pastor’s wife to sense that we don’t like her – and she’ll pass on her feelings to her husband.  When she starts missing meetings, or stays home from church completely, then we’ll claim the pastor doesn’t manage his family well.

If attacking the pastor’s wife isn’t successful, we start in on their kids, and we always find something to nail them on.  As we start spreading our opinions about the pastor’s family around the church, they practically have their bags packed.

When we attack his family, the pastor begins to wear down physically.  He becomes discouraged and depressed.  He starts isolating himself from others.  Then we claim that he isn’t fit to lead us.  This usually works.

And if that doesn’t work?

Then we start spreading half-truths.  We’ll claim that the pastor has been padding his expense account.  We’ll claim that his wife is seeing someone else.  We’ll say that one of their kids is getting poor grades.

If we’re consistent and adamant about our claims, most people in the church will believe us.  Very few people ever ask the pastor if the claims are true.  You wouldn’t believe how naïve most Christians are.  They believe the first thing anybody tells them especially if it comes from an official church leader.  My wife and the wives of my board buddies have become experts at calling churchgoers to run down the pastor.

But that’s lying!  How can you justify what you’re doing?

I’m not really lying … just stretching the truth a little bit.  In all honesty, I don’t care about the pastor – I care about the church.  And I really don’t care about the congregation as a whole – only about my friends and family.  As long as I’m in charge, they’ll keep coming because they know I represent their interests.

But isn’t what you’re doing in direct contradiction to Scripture?

Well, I asked Jesus into my life when I was 9 years old, so I know I’m going to heaven.  But I’ve learned more about subverting a leader from following politics than from the Bible.

What about church bylaws?

We either ignore them or rationalize that they don’t apply in our situation, and nobody has ever called us on it.

If a pastor became wise to your tactics, is there a way for him to stop the attacks?

I suppose there is theoretically, although no pastor has ever tried.  To stop us, the pastor would have to expose our behind-the-scenes machinations to those outside our network.  Since I’m in control of my network, almost nothing the pastor could say would sway them, but if he could document our tricks, he might convince some people to stand against us.  However, in that case, we’d just claim that the pastor was being divisive.

Just in case, we make sure to build strong alliances before we launch our attacks.  I contact the district minister of our denomination and detail the pastor’s deficiencies, so if the pastor ever contacts him, the district minister recommends that the pastor leave the church to keep the peace.  I also contact the associate pastor and office manager and coax them into spying on the pastor.  One is always a willing accomplice.

If by some strange occurrence the pastor survives my campaign against him, I have one more ace to play: my buddies and I threaten to leave the church.  We’ve only had to do this twice, and it worked both times.  If you just say, “It’s either us or the pastor,” it’s amazing how quickly people turn against the pastor because people assume that we know things they don’t know.

If the pastor resigns, what happens to his supporters?

Most of them eventually leave the church, so it affects our attendance and giving temporarily.  But we usually hire a new pastor within a few months.  When we advertise the position, we’ll get 200-300 resumes – and I always make sure to stack the search team with my people so I have the final say.

What happens to the pastors that you force out?

I don’t really care.  I’d say less than half go back into church ministry.  Right after the pastor leaves, I make sure to spread a few additional rumors about him to discourage people from contacting him in the future.  When a pastor is at our church, I try and discredit him.  After he leaves, I try to destroy him.  That way, if he tries to tell anyone from the church why he really left, he’ll be shunned rather than taken seriously.

What’s your worst nightmare?

A pastor with experience who is a strong leader.  If the church starts growing rapidly, and donations pour in, I might have to sell my soul to the devil to stop him.

I’m also afraid of a pastor who is adamant that he gets to face his accusers.  My whole strategy is based on secrecy and back-hallway maneuvering.

I’m also afraid of a pastor who comes to this church and teaches the congregation how to prevent and resolve conflicts biblically.  My success at chasing out pastors is based on my ability to manipulate a faction to carry out my wishes.  If a pastor taught the church how to handle disagreements in a biblical way, my time as a leader might be nearing an end.  Fortunately, most pastors avoid preaching on conflict, so right now, I’m safe.

One more thing: I’m fearful of a principled board member that I can’t manipulate, as well as a strong lay person who insists that we follow the Bible in our dealings with the pastor.

The latest statistics indicate that 23 million Christians in America no longer attend church.  What kind of role does bullying a pastor play in those numbers?

How would anyone know that their pastor was being bullied?  I do my work in secret, and few pastors or Christian leaders are willing to discuss the issue.

Any final words for our readers?

You’re not actually going to publish this interview, are you?  You never told me that!

____________________

I hope by now you’ve figured out that this is a purely fictional interview.  It’s a composite made up of church bullies that I’ve known, read about, or heard about from other pastors.

A friend of mine is writing a book about church bullies, so if you have any stories you’d like to share that he can use, please send them to me and I’ll pass them along.  Thanks!

Check out our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org  You’ll find Jim’s story, recommended resources on conflict, and a forum where you can ask questions about conflict situations in your church.

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