Last year, I planned to present some seminars on church conflict. I decided to visit some area churches and drop off some promotional literature about the seminars.
Someone I respected had spoken highly of a particular church, so I stopped there first. Walking into the church office, I introduced myself and mentioned that I would be offering some seminars on conflict.
The office manager blurted out, “We’ve hired Such-and-Such an organization for a year to work on the conflict we’re having with our leaders.”
She didn’t know anything about me, and yet she readily confessed that her church was enduring major conflict!
And nearly every major conflict revolves around the pastor in some fashion … and many times, the solution to the conflict seems obvious:
“Let’s get rid of the pastor.”
The latest figure that I’ve seen is that 28% of all pastors have endured a forced exit at some time in their ministry … and the numbers seem to be increasing because most denominations and churches are doing absolutely nothing about the problem. Call it the Christian version of Survival of the Fittest.
Why do pastoral terminations continue to increase? Let me offer five possible reasons:
First, pastors and churches are in denial about this issue.
When they’re called to a church, few pastors think to themselves, “I could face termination here.”
When church leaders initially call a pastor, almost nobody says, “If things don’t work out, let’s can him.”
And yet several years later, a faction may very well coalesce to force the pastor to quit … and nearly everybody in the congregation is shocked.
Pastors and Christian leaders need to say to themselves: “Because forced exits are a reality in today’s Christian community, we need to work hard at staying current with our relationships because an involuntary dismissal could happen here.”
But for some reason, that’s not how we think.
Second, pastors have received little formal training in conflict resolution.
I remember the first big conflict I experienced as a rookie pastor. The board chairman asked for my help in dealing with a specific issue. I brought it to the board. We studied it for three hours and then developed an action plan.
When I began to carry out the plan, the entire board caved on me, and then demanded that I apologize for carrying out the plan. I refused because we had agreed on it together.
I was a PK … had been in church ministry for nearly ten years … had taken a class on conflict management in seminary … and yet I didn’t know how to handle or interpret the behavior of those board members.
During that time, a friend came to visit me, and I had developed a case of hives because I was afraid the board was going to dismiss me as they had the previous pastor.
I believe that every student in seminary who is studying for church ministry should be required to take a class in conflict management … and maintain at least two mentors who understand church conflict while they’re in ministry.
Because when pastors are skilled in handling conflict, they sleep better … lengthen their careers … and preserve their congregations.
Third, pastors rarely speak on biblical conflict management.
Last year, I gave a sermon on conflict resolution based on Matthew 18:15-18, and when I was done, a veteran Christian in her mid-80s said to me, “In all my years of going to church, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard a sermon on that subject.”
For years, this woman attended a church where her pastor was internationally known.
Maybe he did address conflict at times during his sermons, and maybe she just forgot or wasn’t present on those occasions … but maybe she was telling the truth, too.
When I was a pastor, I did a brief series on unity/conflict management at the same time every year. The one year I didn’t do it … thinking, “We’re okay right now” … conflict broke out soon afterward.
When Paul wrote his letters to the churches at Rome and Corinth and Ephesus and Thessalonica, those letters weren’t intended for church leaders alone, but were intended to be read to entire congregations. Paul wanted everyone in those churches to work through their differences with love and understanding.
In the same way, pastors both need to teach on church conflict from Scripture and arrange for specialized training for their staff and leaders.
Because if and when the pastor is under attack, some people will resort to the law of the jungle.
Fourth, churchgoers need a mental picture of what a church looks like after a termination.
When I was in fourth grade, I saw newsreels of Hitler speaking … Nazi torchlight parades … and the remains of Jewish victims in concentration camps.
Those images had a profound impact on me. They caused me to read more about Hitler’s rise to power and to become aware of the devastation that results when evil is tolerated rather than defeated.
My book Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict is an attempt at letting believers know how quickly a conflict can erupt in a church … and how destructive such conflicts are for everyone involved.
My prayer is that believers will say, “I don’t want my pastor’s career and reputation destroyed. I don’t want precious believers to leave this church wounded. I don’t want to compromise my church’s witness in this community for years. With God’s help, I will do everything in my power to prevent and resolve any conflicts in a truthful and loving manner.”
Sometimes I toy with the idea of making a film about pastoral termination that starts with congregational devastation … and then works backward to see how it all began.
(Anybody want to work on this with me … or finance it?)
Finally, Christians seem ignorant of the fact that Satan wants to destroy pastors so he can destroy churches.
After Jesus was arrested, all of His disciples fled. When the shepherd was struck, the sheep scattered.
Satan thought he had won a victory … but he was wrong. But the disciples didn’t regather on their own.
When did they regather? Only after Jesus was resurrected and reassumed His rightful place as their leader.
I believe in spiritual warfare. I have not only experienced it … I have felt it.
When I made mistakes … as every pastor does … I should have been lovingly confronted and given the opportunity to explain and/or be restored.
Instead, there was open abuse … defamation … and slander.
That’s not how God operates, is it?
Remember: the devil specializes in deception and destruction. Those are the telltale signs that he is at work either in our lives or inside the life of our congregation.
I could add many other reasons why the forced termination of pastors is on the increase, but these are the five that readily came to mind.
What are some of the reasons why you believe pastoral exits are increasing?









Ten Insights Concerning Church Conflict
September 4, 2014 by Jim Meyer
How would you like to receive top-notch training from an expert you respect and admire?
That’s what happened to me last week when I flew to Minneapolis and received 14 hours of training in church conflict from veteran congregational consultant Peter Steinke. He’s the author of several books, including Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, one of my top five favorite books on church conflict.
Steinke has engaged in congregational interventions over 27 years. He’s been involved with 217 churches/Christian entities encompassing 16 states and 8 denominations.
And from his experiences working with churches, he’s created a process for helping churches in crisis called Bridgebuilder.
Steinke presented case studies … worked his way creatively through a syllabus … and made lots of offhand remarks, many of which I wrote down verbatim.
Here are ten insights concerning church conflict that I found fascinating and that I thought you might benefit from. They aren’t in any particular order.
Insight #1: “When you replace a music director, you sign your death warrant.”
Why is this? Because many people become emotionally attached to the staffer who leads them to God’s throne in worship.
And if a pastor or a board tries to force out that person and put someone else in their place, things can become very unpredictable.
Insight #2: “People engage in sabotage when they are losing control.”
How many times have you witnessed this experience?
A board member … staff member … key leader … or opinion maker is unhappy with a decision made by the pastor. The pastor meets with them … listens to their concerns … explains his position … and concludes the meeting in prayer.
Then that unhappy person immediately goes out and begins to undermine the pastor using threats, demands, and complaints.
Why?
Because the pastor seems to be in control … and the discontented person senses they’re not.
Insight #3: “Getting rid of a pastor won’t solve the [presenting] problem. The problem is within the system.”
It is common for some people in a church to think, “We’re having problems because of our pastor. If we get rid of him, this church will be far better off.”
This kind of thinking … borne out of anxiety … is counterproductive. Many churches have built-in patterns that cause them to go off the tracks. Those issues must be identified, faced, and resolved.
But if they aren’t, the next pastor … and the next one … and the next … may all be sent packing because the real issues haven’t been addressed.
Insight #4: “Peace is often preferred over justice.”
During a conflict situation, churchgoers just want the conflict to end, even if the pastor … staff members … or others are treated shabbily.
The mature congregation says, “We’re going to aim for justice, so we’re going to devise a process, take some time, and handle this wisely.”
The immature congregation says, “We just want peace, so we’re going to ignore processes, take shortcuts, and get this over with quickly.”
Insight #5: “It’s better for people to leave than go underground.”
When a major conflict surfaces in a church, there are going to be losses in attendance and donations and volunteers, no matter which choices are made.
When people leave the church for good, there is closure for everyone involved, painful though it may be.
But when people start meeting and plotting in secret, they’re prolonging and intensifying the conflict … and there’s going to be some form of implosion.
Insight #6: “The consultant is responsible for the process, not the outcome.”
Steinke says that when prospective congregations ask him about his success rate with interventions, he answers, “100%.”
He believes he’s been successful when he works the process he’s devised, which is his responsibility.
But the outcome of his intervention? That’s the responsibility of the congregation and its leaders.
For this reason, he doesn’t make recommendations to churches in conflict, but gets them to make their own recommendations.
Insight #7: “The top trigger for conflict is money.”
Steinke says these are the top 7 triggers for conflict in churches: money, sex, pastor’s leadership style, lay leadership style, staff conflict, major traumas/transitions, the change process.
Just my own observation: when money becomes the bottom line in a church, it becomes an idol, and God is relegated to second or seventh or tenth place.
But when God is first, money takes its rightful place.
But when giving goes down … or doesn’t meet budget … some leaders/people become anxious, and instead of turning to God, they try and control the money even more.
The result?
Conflict.
Insight #8: Conflicts in churches increasingly revolve around the change process.
Steinke said that 42 of the last 47 interventions he’s done … nearly 90% … have to do with change.
Many pastors feel that all they have to do is announce a change and it will automatically happen. Once they’re convinced, they assume others will be as well.
But people need time to process change … ask questions … share feelings … and seek clarification.
When they’re not given those opportunities … conflict results.
Insight #9: During public meetings, there will be no verbal attacking, blaming, or abusing of others tolerated.
During his interventions, Steinke gives church attendees opportunities to speak publicly about how they feel about the conflict.
But they are not allowed to begin their sentences with “You,” but must make “I” statements instead.
If people violate this rule, Steinke reiterates it and expects people to abide by it.
If only we’d had this rule during all those business meetings my churches had over the years …
Insight #10: The consultant focuses on working the process, not on changing others, alleviating their anxiety, or giving them answers.
When Steinke goes into a church situation, he focuses on his role and reactions, not those of others. He tries to remain a “non-anxious presence.”
Once again, the consultant’s job is not to analyze the church and fix everything, but to work a predetermined process that causes a church’s members to discuss and affect their own outcome.
After attending Bridgebuilder, I am now qualified to offer it to congregations in conflict. If you know a church that might benefit from this process, please send them my way.
Thank you!
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