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What Church Boards Need from Pastors

November 20, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Once upon a time, when I was a pastor, I enjoyed board meetings.

Sometimes we ate a meal together before the meeting officially began.

Sometimes we read from Scripture and spent time praying for each other.

Sometimes we talked into the night … even past midnight on occasion.

For the most part, those were good times.

I needed those leaders.  I needed their encouragement … perspective … counsel … and prayers.

In my last article, I discussed what pastors need from church boards … but what do boards need from their pastors?

Governing boards need their pastor to be a godly man … a competent leader they can follow … and an example of righteous living.

But more than anything, a church board needs a pastor who is authentic:

*about his walk with God.

*about staff problems.

*about future plans and challenges.

*about his personal and family life.

*about issues relevant to the ministry overall.

Many years ago, when I was a youth pastor, I rode with a group of men to a mountain retreat.  One man asked me, “How is the youth group going?”  He seemed genuinely interested.

When I shared some concerns I had – especially about needing more adult leaders – he said, “Jim, that’s the first I’ve heard about some of your needs.  We can’t help you if you don’t tell us.”

I never forgot that conversation.

I knew what was going on … the students knew … their parents sort of knew … but the rest of the church – including board members – didn’t know because I hadn’t told them.

My silence wasn’t intentional … I just didn’t want to bother anybody.

So when I became a pastor, I started bringing a written report of my activities and plans to every board meeting.  If I wanted the board’s support and protection, they had to know what was happening in my life and ministry.  If my report was only verbal, some might forget by the time they got home.  But since my report was in writing, they had a document they could refer to whenever they needed it.

The board also needed to know how I was doing personally – including my physical and emotional well-being – because my personal life affected me vocationally.

But this was always tricky for me.

Early in my pastoral career, I told the board one night about all the stress I was feeling personally and professionally.

Nobody said anything.  They just stared at me.  I could read their minds: “We’re stressed, too.  So?”

So I began to pull back and reveal less of myself during board meetings.  I learned – rightly or wrongly – that for some board members, you’re their pastor, not necessarily their friend.

But if a pastor can’t share his personal concerns with the board, he needs to share them with some group in the church … or funny things might happen.

I once heard about a pastor who told his board that he was having marital troubles … after which the pastor went silent for months.

A while later, the pastor showed up with a new wife.

He was summarily removed from his position.

I don’t subscribe to the philosophy that says, “The pastor should tell the board as little as possible.”  If they’re going to work well together, the pastor should tell the board as much as they want to know.

There’s another word for that: accountability.

What do you think church board members want most from their pastor?

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment! | Tagged , , | Leave a Comment »

What Pastors Need From Church Boards

November 18, 2013 by Jim Meyer

The relationship between a pastor and a church’s governing board can make or break a ministry.

Let me share a time when I witnessed this truth firsthand.

During my last youth pastorate, several churchgoers were openly criticizing the pastor.  Someone approached me one Sunday in the church parking lot and claimed that 10% of the congregation would leave if the pastor didn’t do what his group demanded.

Since nobody told the grumblers how to handle their concerns, it became open season on the pastor.

So I invited myself to the next board meeting.  I told the members that their pastor was under attack and that they needed to protect him.

The pastor wasn’t convinced this was a good idea.  He had undergone a major conflict in his previous ministry and wasn’t eager for another one.

The board finally voted 5-2 to do something about the attacks – with the pastor casting one of the dissenting votes – but then proceeded to do nothing.

Unfortunately, my experience inside that board meeting is all too typical nowadays.

Being a pastor is all-consuming.  You’re never off-duty mentally, morally, or emotionally.  You don’t even have an “off” switch.

You’re always thinking about your next sermon … staff meeting … hospital visit … counseling appointment … and your critics.

Especially your critics.

Let’s say a pastor starts his week with an energy score of 100.

Subtract 20 points for sermons … 10 points for staff meetings … 5 points for every hospital visit and counseling appointment … and anywhere from 10-40 points for critics.

After a while, the critics … just … wear … you … down.

I believe that if a critic is upset with a pastor personally, he or she needs to speak with the pastor directly … or let things go.

And the church board needs to enforce this principle which comes from Matthew 18:15-17.

If a critic is upset with the pastor’s policies, he or she can speak to any policymaker – including board members.

Having only two ears, the pastor may not hear what his critics are saying for weeks … if not months.

But board members – having 8 or 12 or 18 ears – do know what critics are saying … and need to protect their pastor from circulating flak so he can do his job.

Because every week the pastor has to deal with critics, he loses 10-40% of his effectiveness … and unchecked criticism is the source of much pastoral burnout.

Most of the board chairmen I worked with over the years understood the importance of protecting their pastor from critics … especially Russ and Ray.

Russ and Ray were not “yes men.”  If they disagreed with something I said or did, they’d tell me to my face … with honesty … in love.

They didn’t gauge the views of the rest of the board first.  They didn’t talk about me behind my back.  They manned up and spoke to me directly.

And I loved and respected them for doing that.

But because they were honest with me to my face, they always defended me behind my back.

One time, a regular churchgoer made a beeline for Ray after an informational meeting.  Ray listened … explained the board’s position … and calmed the man down.

When the time was right, Ray told me who the man was … what he said … and how Ray handled things.

When all the board members act like Russ and Ray, the pastor feels free to do his ministry without suffering a 10-40% drop in effectiveness every week.

But when the chairman and other board members don’t share their concerns with the pastor personally … don’t protect their pastor from critics … and pool their grievances outside of meetings … they are sowing seeds for (a) their pastor’s departure; (b) staff resignations; (c) major conflict; (d) heartache among churchgoers; and even (e) their own resignations and departures.

When pastors and board members form an unshakeable alliance, the congregation moves forward.

When board members form alliances among themselves, or with congregational factions … against their pastor … the congregation stalls and then regresses.

The night Jesus was arrested, Peter – who had pledged to protect his Master – failed to protect Him from critics.

This caused Jesus to look directly at Peter with sadness … and caused Peter to weep bitterly.

When Jesus-appointed leaders in our churches fail to protect their shepherds, Jesus looks upon them with sadness, too.

How do you respond to what I’ve written?

Next time, I’ll talk about what church boards need from their pastor.

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment! | Tagged , | 2 Comments »

Five Reflections upon Turning 60

November 13, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Okay, I turned 60 years of age today.  So what?

I don’t know if 60 is the new 30 or the new 50, but I feel pretty good overall.

In fact, one of the moms at my wife’s preschool said last week that she thought I was 45.

Bless her.

Let me share five reflections I have about turning 60:

First, my core personality hasn’t changed.

I’m still a bit more on the introverted side … see humor where others don’t … try to under-promise and over-deliver … struggle with perfectionism … and strive to tell the truth.

A Christian counselor once told me, “Your greatest strength is your tenderness.  And your greatest weakness is your tenderness.”  With that single comment, he nailed me!

On the Myers-Briggs test, the word that best describes my type is “Super-Dependable.”  I guess that means that people can count on me.

But I’m also more flexible now … more understanding … and much more spontaneous.  In that sense, I’ve grown … a lot.

Second, my interests have only changed slightly.

I grew up a voracious reader, and still love books.  But I now have more books in the garage than in my study.  I’m slowly developing a library on the Kindle because it’s easier to hold an e-reader at night in bed than a large hardback volume.  Favorite genre: non-fiction.  I haven’t read fiction – with the exception of the Sherlock Holmes stories – since devouring The Hardy Boys in Jr. High.

I still love sports – baseball, football, and basketball – and I’m blessed that all my teams (the Dodgers, Angels, Giants, 49ers, and Lakers) have won championships throughout the years.  But somewhere along the line, I became more fascinated with a player’s character than his talent.  I root for classy, modest, team-oriented players and teams.  I detest thoughtless, showy, and me-first guys.  And I still have a great interest in baseball from the 1900s-1950s, probably because I wrote to – and heard from – so many players from those eras … like Wahoo Sam Crawford, Max Carey, and George Sisler.

Fenway Park 2 Sept. 13, 2012 090crawford_samcarey_maxsisler_george

Music is central to who I am.  I love both great melodies and meaningful lyrics presented creatively.  Favorite groups: The Beatles and U2.  Favorite genres: folk-rock (Bob Dylan, Simon & Garfunkel, The Byrds) and Celtic-flavored (The Corrs and Van Morrison).  Favorite era: the British Invasion and the late 1960s.  Favorite Christian artists: Phil Keaggy, Twila Paris, Delirious? and Iona.  I’ve seen most of the above artists in concert – some twice – and consider myself blessed to have seen and heard them.  But I’m still expanding my musical horizons.  (You should see my Music Wish List on Amazon.)

U2 Concert in Oakland Nov. 9, 2005 091Paul McCartney in Phoenix March 28, 2010 132

Third, I have been blessed with wonderful friends. 

Growing up, most of my friends loved sports, and to my knowledge, none took drugs.  (I don’t remember being offered drugs of any kind.)  My friends were welcome in my home, and I was welcome in theirs.  We all knew each other’s parents.

My three best friends growing up were Ken, Steve, and Dave.

Ken brought me to his church – Village Bible – where I eventually met my wife Kim.

Orange County Church Pictures April 1, 2005 006Ryan's 33rd Birthday - Ken Ho Aug. 31-Sept. 1, 2012 075

I brought Steve to Village, where he met his wife Janie.

IMG_7759

Dave attended Village as well, and we both attended Biola and Talbot together, graduating both times.  (Dave is in the middle.)

IMG_7721

All my friends love the Lord and have solid families.  Their fingerprints are all over my life.  I am who I am largely because of them.

Fourth, I am devoted to my family.

My father wasn’t around much when I was a kid – he worked two jobs – but when he was home, he put his family first, and his example rubbed off on me.

Jim and His Dad

For example, on May 1, 1963 (yes, I remember the date), my dad took me and my brother John out of school to watch the Yankees play the Los Angeles Angels at Chavez Ravine (aka Dodger Stadium).  I hated the Yankees then (still do) and they won 7-0 (Whitey Ford pitched a shutout, and Joe Pepitone hit a grand slam).  But what I remember most is that my dad wanted to spend time with me.

25 years later, I took my kids Ryan and Sarah out of school and took them to spring training in Arizona for a week.  (Yes, their teachers knew.  Yes, they made up their homework.)  I learned that little trick 50 years ago from my dad.

After my father died, my mother had to raise three kids – ages 13, 10, and 5 – by herself.  She learned to drive, went back to school, and worked full-time to support us.  I don’t know how she did it, but I will never forget the sacrifices she made for her family and how she held us all together.

Thanks, Mom.

Ryan's Wedding Aug. 19-21, 2011 077

Finally, I still love Jesus Christ.

My favorite verse is 2 Corinthians 5:21: God made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Jesus died for me.  In fact, the Son incarnate became Sin incarnate on the cross.  I do not deserve that kind of love and cannot fathom it.  But I believe that the Father gave me the righteousness of His Son when I received Christ, and for that I am eternally grateful.

I just finished reading Robert Hilburn’s book Johnny Cash: The Life.  Cash grew up on gospel songs and hymns, and wanted to record those songs throughout his life, even when his record company didn’t think those albums would sell.  Even when he turned his back on God, Cash remembered those songs.

Seven years ago, my daughter Sarah and I visited Blenheim Palace near Oxford, boyhood home of Winston Churchill.  As we walked across the lawn on the way to his gravesite, I started singing gospel songs that I hadn’t sang in nearly 50 years.  Sarah didn’t know most of the songs – they were before her time – but I’ve never forgotten them.

IMG_0126 IMG_0130

The songs … my Bible … my Christian friends … my church homes … and my family … have all kept me walking with the Lord over the years.

As I look back on the first 60 years of my life, I consider myself wealthy beyond measure.

Thank you for being in my life as well.

___________

I apologize for sending out a draft of this article earlier today.  I meant to hit “Save Draft” and hit “Publish” instead, then had to remove the article since it wasn’t ready for prime time.  Thanks for understanding!

Posted in Personal Stories, Please Comment! | Tagged | 7 Comments »

Let’s Go See the Pastor

November 6, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Imagine that someone approaches you at church and says, “I’m upset with the pastor.”  This individual then proceeds to tell you exactly why they’re angry.

What should you do about their complaint?

Listen?

Agree?

Disagree?

Walk away?

I recently shared a meal with a friend who once served as board chairman in a church where I served as pastor.

He reminded me that whenever churchgoers approached him to complain about me, he told them:

“Let’s go see the pastor.”

My friend was seeking to carry out Jesus’ instructions in Matthew 18:15 by bringing the complainer directly to me.

I asked him, “How did people respond?”

He replied, “They said, “No, no, we don’t want to see him.'”

I asked, “Did this happen during my entire tenure or just at the end?”

He said, “No, it happened at the end.”  (That church went through some stressful times that were beyond our control.)

Over the course of my 36-year pastoral career, I estimate that less than a dozen people ever sat down with me in a loving, biblical fashion and shared a grievance with me.

Some complained through letters and emails … others through response cards and phone calls … and a few accosted me before or after a worship service.

But very few ever made an appointment … met with me one-on-one … and then shared their heart with me.

So when someone did that, I commended them for their courage … and listened very carefully.

But the more common approach in churches is for someone to bypass the pastor and broadcast their feelings/complaints/grievances about him to their network.

I wonder how many did just that over the years?  50?  125?  250?  Only God knows.

Why don’t most people speak directly to their pastor about their concerns?

*They don’t know the pastor personally.

*They can’t predict the pastor’s reactions.

*They don’t want to be labeled as complainers.

*They don’t want to take up the pastor’s valuable time.

*They aren’t sure the pastor will take them seriously or make any changes.

One time, a new couple made an appointment to see me.  They didn’t like our small group format and wanted it overhauled to their liking.

I listened.  I understood what they were saying.  But I didn’t agree with them … so they left the church … but at least they came to me with their suggestion.

But a long-time member used to stop by my office every year and ask me, “Pastor, would it be all right if I made a couple of suggestions?”

Great approach, by the way.

When I assented, he’d make several observations … and I almost always agreed with them.  I valued his views.

If you’re upset about a church policy, speak to any of the policy makers …  usually members of the governing board.  You don’t have to share policy concerns exclusively with the pastor.

If you’re upset with someone personally, though, you need to speak directly with them in a loving fashion … even if that someone is your pastor … or let it go.

Above all, avoid spreading any discontent to others.  Those kinds of complaints are infectious and divisive … and have been known to destroy both pastoral careers and entire congregations.   Churches that permit verbal assaults on their pastor sow the seeds of their own destruction.

Remember the words of James 3:5 in relation to the tongue: “Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.”

But if someone walks up to you and says, “I want to complain about the pastor,” there’s an effective, biblical way to handle that.

Simply tell that individual:

“Let’s go see the pastor.”

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment! | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pastoral Termination and Confidentiality

November 4, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Someone recently told me about the time her pastor was fired.

After the church board met with the pastor to proclaim his termination, the chairman stood up at the next Sunday service, announced the pastor’s departure, and told the congregation not to contact him at all.

I can understand why a board might feel that way.  After dismissing their pastor, they’d probably be concerned that the pastor might:

*criticize the board’s decision to others.

*undermine the board’s authority.

*encourage members to leave the church.

*start a new church nearby composed of people from his former church.

But if I was a church member and I was publicly told, “Don’t contact the pastor at all,” I’d contact that pastor immediately.

Why?

Because I’d assume that the board was trying to cover up something … like how badly they bungled the pastor’s termination.

Let me tell you why this concerns me.

It is becoming increasingly prevalent for church leaders to try and destroy the reputation of their pastor after he leaves their church.

Why?

Because they’re afraid that the pastor may tell his side of the story to church attendees … and they don’t want that to happen.

Church leaders only want one version of events to become public: their version.

And if the pastor tells his version to even a few people, it may get around and contradict the “official” board version … and this could cause some people to turn against the church board and leave the church … taking their friends and money with them.

But once a church board terminates their pastor – rightly or wrongly:

*Most churchgoers are going to talk about it.

*Some churchgoers will seek to hear the board’s side.

*Some churchgoers will contact the pastor to hear his side.

*All churchgoers will make up their own minds as to what happened.

In my book Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict, I made this statement:

“When leaders make people promise blanket confidentiality during a conflict, they are trying to control the flow of information … as well as their opponents.”

Sometimes after a termination, the church board is saying:

“We believe that we’ve terminated the pastor for just cause.  If you possessed the information that we have, you’d agree with our decision.”

But sometimes, they’re saying this instead:

“We felt that the pastor was acquiring too much power, which would minimize our authority.  So we trumped up some charges to take him out.  Nobody can contradict our version of events except the pastor, so we’re going to discredit him before anybody contacts him.  Whatever he says, he’s trying to hurt the church.”

In my mind, such an attitude indicates a spirit of control … which is why I’d contact the pastor right away to hear his version.

As Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”

People don’t like to be controlled.  And nobody likes a gag order.

But if the board did what was right in God’s eyes, why would they need to try and control anyone or anything?

Shouldn’t they relinquish control of the situation to God instead?

Once a board forces out the pastor, they can no longer control the consequences.

And once the pastor has left the church, how can the board continue to control him?  They’ve severed the relationship.

When I was a pastor, occasionally people would leave the church angrily.

A Sunday or two later, somebody would invariably approach me and say, “I heard Joe and Betty left the church.”

Was it my place to speculate as to why they left?

I didn’t want to misrepresent them.  So I’d say, “If you’re concerned about them, why don’t you call them and speak with them?”

Was that risky?  Of course.  But any other answer would indicate that I was trying to control people and circumstances.

And that’s not the job of a church leader.

That’s God’s job.

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment! | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments »

The Forgotten Enemy

October 30, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Tomorrow is Halloween.  I loved Halloween as a kid.  I don’t love it anymore.

Why not?  As I described in my book Church Coup, events occurred on Halloween four years ago that changed the way I view the day forever.

Simply put, in the midst of a church conflict, my family was spiritually attacked on October 31.  I witnessed the attack, along with several others.  It was frightening … custom-designed … and very, very real.

The intent?  To destroy my family and my ministry.

In the book, I chose not to reveal the details of the attack which did not originate from humans, but from the enemy of our souls.

Satan is real.  He hates God the Father …  Jesus Christ … Jesus’ church and followers … and even you.  If the devil and his hordes cannot keep a person from following Jesus, they will seek to neutralize or even eliminate that believer’s impact so that Christ’s kingdom cannot advance through them.

If you’re courageous enough to keep reading, let me share a story that I left out of my book.

__________

Kim and I had seen Satan at work in Silicon Valley nearly twenty years before.  Santa Clara County has a much larger array of agnostics and atheists than almost anywhere in the United States, so it’s a spiritually resistant area.  We were launching a new church in a warehouse located at a busy intersection when our family suddenly began to receive obscene phone calls at home.  An anonymous caller continually left menacing messages taken from a Three Stooges short or a movie.

One time, the caller left a message taken from the soundtrack to the film The Poseidon Adventure.  Gene Hackman plays a minister trying to lead survivors out of a large ship that had capsized.  Ernest Borgnine’s character says to him at one point, “I’ve had just about enough out of you, preacher.”  That very quotation from the lips of Borgnine’s character was left on our machine!  When I consulted with Dr. Ed Murphy, a worldwide expert in spiritual warfare, he surmised that someone had put a curse on our church.

Dr. Murphy writes about this issue in The Handbook of Spiritual Warfare:

“Cursing is not used in the Old Testament with the Western idea of swearing or speaking dirty words.  Cursing in the Old Testament is a power concept meant to release negative spiritual power against the object, person, or place being cursed.  This is true even when God does the cursing.  In fact, most curse expressions in Scripture refer to God’s action or the action of His servants in accordance with His will.  It is God releasing His power or judgment.  That is why I call it negative spirit power even when activated by God.”[1]

Dr. Murphy continues:

“Many believers have been victims of the curses of the Enemy pronounced by the Enemy’s power workers…. Such curses, to be most powerful, are ‘worked up’ by invocations to the spirits and satanic magic.  They are overcome only by the greater power of God.  Sometimes God does not automatically overcome those curses on our behalf, however.  We are to learn the world of spirit power curses and break them ourselves.  Thus the importance of group spiritual warfare praying.”[2]

After our grand opening, our church quickly became the second largest Protestant church in our city, but we constantly sensed there were strong spiritual forces working against us.  When our warehouse church found itself between leases, the owner forced us to move out, and in the process, we lost one-third of our attendees overnight.  It was only then that I discovered that some illicit activities had been occurring at the intersection where our church was located.  The massage parlor diagonally across the intersection from us was the scene of a host of immoral sexual activity, and our immediate area had become a haven for drug dealers.  When our church moved into that warehouse, we were invading Satan’s territory.  No wonder he fought us so hard the whole time we were there!

Our church moved to a high school five miles away and I eventually scheduled a series of messages on controversial issues.  The night before I was scheduled to speak on A Christian View of Homosexuality, all hell broke loose in our home and church.  Without going into detail, the spiritual warfare I experienced before I gave that message was so real that I could almost smell sulfur – and I did give the message.  But I was so attacked the night before that I felt compelled to write a resignation letter because I sensed that my wife and I had become special targets of Satan.  While I never submitted the letter to the board, I resigned a few months later because, for the first and only time in our lives, our marriage had become severely strained due to events at church.

__________

There are several more stories in the book that discuss the spiritual warfare that new church experienced.  It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.  While I’ve sensed the influence of Satan at various junctures during my 36-year church career, the occasions I’ve just described represent the two worst attacks I’ve experienced.  Satan and his minions tend to leave pastors and churches alone when the mission is muddled, few people are converted, and the church fails to make inroads into the community.  But when a church penetrates the spiritual Red Zone – to use a football analogy – the evil one begins to target the quarterback (pastor) with blitzes and cheap shots designed to knock him out of the game … all the more reason why the quarterback needs a skilled and determined line to protect him.

This is a good time of year to remember that while Satan is real and powerful … our God is more powerful still.

Jesus gave Paul a mission in Acts 26:17-18.  It’s ours as well: “I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.”

Our Lord and Savior told Paul that Satan is real … that he has power … that he wants people to remain in spiritual darkness … that he wants people to wallow in an unforgiven state … but that he has already been defeated at the cross.

But we cannot defeat Satan by fighting each other.  Fellow believers are not the enemy.  The enemy is the enemy.

Let’s unite together and fight him instead.

      [1] Dr. Ed Murphy, Handbook of Spiritual Warfare (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1992), 442.

      [2] Ibid, 444.

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Personal Stories, Please Comment! | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Struggling with Marriage and Ministry

October 28, 2013 by Jim Meyer

How much do you know about great Christian leaders like John Knox, William Carey, David Livingstone, John Bunyan, and Johann Sebastian Bach?

If you’re like most Christians, probably not much.  But these men – and their wives – paved the way for evangelical Christianity to make significant inroads into their cultures … and our world.

I just finished reading all 502 pages of William J. Petersen’s book 25 Surprising Marriages: How Great Christians Struggled to Make Their Marriages Work by reading a mere 6 pages per day … and I didn’t want the book to end.

In fact, when I was done, I immediately wrote a glowing review of the book on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/25-Surprising-Marriages-Christians-Struggled/dp/1601261500/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1383001942&sr=1-1&keywords=25+surprising+marriages

Why did this book resonate with me so much?

First, I learned so much about the accomplishments of these impactful Christian leaders.  For example, did you know that:

*Hudson Taylor shocked his missionary colleagues in China by dressing like a Chinese teacher … complete with shaved head and pigtails?

*John Knox laid the groundwork for modern democracy by challenging Scotland to fight against unjust rulers?

John Knox House, Royal Mile, Edinburgh, Scotland
John Knox House, Royal Mile, Edinburgh, Scotland

*George Muller built orphanages in England by faith and prayer … and without asking for either public or private funds?

*William Carey – British missionary to India – learned foreign languages like Greek, Latin, Hebrew, French, Dutch and Italian in his spare time?

*David Livingstone sought to explore the interior of Africa because he believed that if slave traders got there first, Africans would never be open to the gospel?

*John Bunyan used to play tipcat – an early form of baseball – on Sunday afternoons?  (Had to throw that one in.)

*Francis Schaeffer was unknown outside his small denomination until he was in his fifties?

*When Johann Sebastian Bach was offered the job of music director in Leipzig, a councilman mumbled, “Since we cannot get the best, we will have to be satisfied with a mediocre one?”

*The great Jonathan Edwards – one of America’s premier thinkers – was forced out of his first pastorate?

*Adoniram Judson – an American – was imprisoned and tortured because the Burmese couldn’t distinguish Americans from Brits?

*John Calvin made so many enemies in Geneva that people used to name their dogs “Calvin?”

The Christian faith didn’t start the day you were born.  Our faith largely comes from Europe – especially Germany – through England and Scotland to the US.  The story of how it came to us is fascinating.

Second, I learned that getting and being married can be agonizing!

Did you know that:

*Hudson Taylor wrote Maria’s uncle in England to request her hand in marriage, unaware that Miss Addersley (Maria’s guardian and employer) had written to ask the uncle to turn down the proposal?

*Martin Luther married a runaway nun?  (Luther said that his marriage would “please his father, rile the pope, make angels laugh and devils weep, and would seal his testimony.”)

Castle Church in Wittenburg, Germany
Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany
Place where Luther posted his 95 Theses, Castle Church
Place where Luther posted his 95 Theses, Castle Church

*C.S. Lewis married a former avowed atheist and Communist who had been divorced … and when he finally married Joy, they hid it from almost everybody?

*John Wesley did not marry Grace – the woman he really loved – because his brother Charles (the great hymn writer) arranged for Grace to be married to another man?

John Wesley Statue in front of Wesley Chapel
John Wesley Statue in front of Wesley Chapel, London

*John Wesley then married Molly, and that their marriage was “a miserable failure,” causing Wesley to write later in life, “Love is rot?”

*William Carey’s wife Dorothy became severely depressed in India … and never really came out of it?  (Some think she went insane.)

*David Livingstone disappeared for 4 1/2 years while exploring the interior of Africa … and that his wife assumed that she would never see him again?  (She did.  When I saw his memorial in Westminster Abbey, I was so moved that I burst into tears.)

*Billy Graham’s wife Ruth once dug her shoes into Billy’s shins (so he would avoid discussing politics) when US President LBJ asked Billy who his running mate should be before the 1964 election?

*John Bunyan was 31 when he married his second wife Elizabeth … and that she was only 16 or 17?

Tomb of John Bunyan, Bunhill Fields, London
Tomb of John Bunyan, Bunhill Fields, London

*Francis Schaeffer first met Edith by ordering her to break a date with another guy?

*Jonathan Edwards and his wife Sarah lived in a state of siege and rarely left their house for three years during the French and Indian War?

*Adoniram Judson’s wife Nancy developed a liver ailment in Burma and sailed to America for treatment … returning 28 months later?

*John Calvin put together a search team to find him a wife … and after three recommendations, was still a bachelor?

Third, I learned that these leaders willingly suffered for their faith in Christ.

Compared to these men and women, Hollywood knows little about love … and we Christians know little about suffering.

So many of these great leaders lost infants in childbirth and lost children to diseases.

They worried about finances … endured incredible hardships … and did it all because they believed God had called them to their particular ministry.

Missionaries like Hudson Taylor, William Carey, and Adoniram Judson and their wives sailed for months before arriving at their destinations.  Once they arrived in Asia, they not only faced hardships from the native people, but also from fellow missionaries.

And these people gave up so much to serve Christ.  For example, before Adoniram Judson sailed for Asia, he wrote the following letter to Nancy’s father:

“I have now to ask whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death.”

Surprisingly, both Nancy and her father agreed that she could marry Adoniram – who became the first American foreign missionary – even though she never saw her family again.

Finally, I resonated with a few of these leaders more than others.

I love Charles Spurgeon’s command of the English language … Billy Sunday’s affinity for baseball … John Knox’s courage in preaching God’s Word … and the desire of Jonathan Edwards and John Calvin to study and write without messing with “people problems.”

I could also relate to the fact that some of these leaders – notably Luther, Bach, Schaeffer, and Calvin – struggled at times with their temper.

Out of them all, I was more amazed by the stories of the missionaries – the Careys, the Livingstones, and the Judsons – than any of the rest.

In fact, some were so moving and meaningful that somebody should turn them into films.  We need to hear these stories … especially in our churches.

My prayer is that you will hear them too … by obtaining Petersen’s book and reading them for yourself.

Let me know what you think!

Posted in Personal Stories | Tagged | Leave a Comment »

Celebrating Memories on a Painful Day

October 24, 2013 by Jim Meyer

Many interesting events have occurred on October 24 throughout history:

*Jane Seymour, third wife of King Henry VIII of England, died 12 days after childbirth in 1537.

*The 40-hour work week began in the Unites States in 1940.

*The charter of the United Nations officially came into effect in 1945.

*The great Dodger Hall of Famer, Jackie Robinson, died at age 53 in 1972.

*The Toronto Blue Jays defeated the Atlanta Braves, 4-3, in Game 6 to win the 1992 World Series.

But on a more personal note, events that surfaced on October 24, 2009 signified the conclusion of a fruitful church ministry for my wife Kim and me, which I’ve detailed in my book Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict.  (If you don’t have a copy, you can order one by clicking on the picture on the right.)

Since we resigned and left the church in December 2009, I’ve started a blog (303 articles and counting), formed a non-profit ministry, written a book, conducted seminars on addressing conflict biblically, and counseled lay leaders, staff members, and pastors who are undergoing conflict in their churches.

I plan to continue doing this – and much more – as long as God gives me breath.

But I’ve never celebrated online the wonderful ministry that my wife Kim and I enjoyed for nearly that entire 10 1/2-year period.  In all my writing, I’ve never even mentioned the name of the church where we served or the city where it’s located … and that policy will continue.

Most of the time, my memory won’t allow me to mentally navigate to any time before 2009.  But just looking through pictures of happier times evokes a positive emotional reaction for me, which is why I’m glad I took thousands of photos documenting our ministry.

Rather than recount the pain, today I’d like to remember times, events, and people that the Lord blessed … and that once again bring a smile to my face.

____________________

In 1999, the Lord led my wife Kim and me to a church that we didn’t really want to serve.  The church building was invisible from the street and located at the end of a long parking lot (behind the trees in the photo) … and yet perched on a beautiful lagoon.

BFCC Building Pictures August 26, 2005 006IMG_0486

A group of 29 parties banded together and donated funds for us to have a down payment on a house … just 30 seconds from the water.

Bay Farm Bridge & Environs Aug. 17, 2007 066Bay Farm Photos Dec. 14-16, 2009 085

The Lord blessed the ministry to the extent that we became the largest Protestant church in our city and eventually built a worship center on the church’s small, one acre property.

BFCC Building Pictures Oct. 10, 2005 038BFCC Building Pictures Oct. 10, 2005 016BFCC Grand Opening Sunday Nov. 6, 2005 011

Several years later, 785 people attended our two worship services on Easter … more than maximizing the small campus.  That year, the congregation donated nearly a million dollars to the ministry.

BFCC Easter March 23, 2008 034

We hosted many outreach events on our campus, like Summer Bible Camp for kids …

BFCC Summer Bible Camp Finale July 17, 2009 013 BFCC Summer Bible Camp Finale July 13, 2007 085

and Western Fall Fun Fest for families every Halloween.

BFCC Fall Fun Fest October 31, 2007 092 BFCC Fall Fun Fest 2008 120BFCC Fall Fun Fest October 31, 2007 123BFCC Fall Fun Fest 2008 107

We penetrated our community by marching in the city’s annual Fourth of July Parade, passing out literature about our ministry, and even winning several trophies.

IMG_0138 IMG_0152BFCC 4th of July Parade 2008 150BFCC 4th of July Parade 2008 164

Our church also took four mission trips to Moldova.  The first time, I taught a course on Christian marriage – the final course in a 3-year leadership training program – with the graduates pictured below.

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Three years later, I taught pastors and leaders in Moldova how to manage conflict in their ministries … right before walking into my own conflict back home.

Moldova Photos 1 Oct. 2009 490Moldova Photos 1 Oct. 2009 491

Kim also led two teams to Kenya, culminating in generous donations from our congregation and community for the building of a well in a remote village many hours from Nairobi.  Kim led a team for the dedication of the well.  In the photo below, Pastor Peter obtains water from the well, and then …

IMG_0740 IMG_0472

Kim meets Stephen Musyoka, who was then Vice President of Kenya.  He flew into the village via helicopter for the dedication.

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One of the great things about Kim is that she adapts to any situation, whether it’s joking with a VP …

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speaking in front of a village …

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or sharing the gospel using the Wordless Book.

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Throughout the entire 10 1/2 years at the church, Kim and I served as a team.  Our daughter Sarah came around at key times as well.

Easter @ BFCC April 8, 2007 024BFCC Mystery on the Menu Event 001024

In retrospect, it’s good that I left the church when I did.  While I’m still not crazy about how we left, God will handle those things.

My friend and mentor Dr. Charles Chandler says that while a church can take your job, they can never take your calling.   That’s certainly true.

But there’s something else that no person or group can ever take away: the hundreds of lives that were changed through that ministry.

When I first entered Talbot Seminary in 1975, my initial class was with Dr. Charles Feinberg, who was a legend in Christian circles.

Dr. Feinberg told our class, “If you can do anything other than being a pastor, do it.”

I’ve felt that way many times!

But I’m glad for the 36 years that God allowed me to serve him in pastoral ministry.

And I’m grateful that God now allows me to help other pastors and churches navigate their way through conflict situations.

It’s my personality to draw on past experiences to help others … and yet none of us can afford to dwell on the past too much.

As baseball immortal Satchel Paige used to say, “Don’t look back.  Something might be gaining on you.”

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  1 Peter 5:10

Posted in Conflict with the Pastor, Healing After Leaving a Church, Personal Stories | Tagged , , , , | 17 Comments »

When Should a Pastor Replace a Leader?

October 16, 2013 by Jim Meyer

What should a pastor do when the person leading the music on Sundays isn’t working out, but is someone the pastor loves?

That’s the dilemma I faced in my second pastorate.

Jim was in his mid-70s when I first became a pastor.  He chaired the deacons … headed up the search team …  and yes, picked me up at the airport.

While he chose me to be his pastor, I did not choose him to be my song leader.  I inherited him.

We became friends.  We went to ballgames together … served at the rescue mission … and were in frequent contact.

Jim was also the church’s song leader for the Sunday morning and Sunday evening services.

I liked Jim, and he liked me.

After two years, our church merged with a sister church five miles away.  Jim remained the song leader … but he was losing it … and I didn’t know what to do.

Jim was an old school song leader.  He waved his arms to piano and organ accompaniment.  In the mid-1980s, that was bad enough.

But Jim kept choosing the same songs … to the point that we never learned any new music.  He frequently sang the wrong words … or stopped singing altogether because he often lost his place.

Worst of all, Jim felt it was his duty to tell jokes between songs … and he kept telling the same bad jokes over and over again.  (“Can you be a smoker and be a Christian?  Yes … but that will make you a stinking Christian.”)

Those comments didn’t exactly lead the congregation in an enraptured state to God’s throne.

To be kind, Jim was killing our worship times.  He wouldn’t let anyone else lead the music.  He wouldn’t let anyone else choose songs on Sunday nights.

And God forbid that we would ever use a band!

And yet, Jim was largely responsible for bringing me to the church … he still had influence in the congregation … and he was my friend.

What should a pastor in a similar situation do?

How should a pastor make a move to replace a leader who is no longer working out?

First, the pastor needs to clarify his authority.

Pastors sometimes have far less authority than people think.  For example, I intentionally tried not to weigh in on who should lead the women’s ministry.  Let the women handle that!

If there was a problem with an adult youth leader, I wanted the youth pastor to deal with that.

While I wanted to stay in touch with each ministry, I didn’t want to run each one, either.

But when it comes to a church’s worship services, everybody expects that the pastor is ultimately in charge.  And if the music is getting increasingly worse, the pastor needs to take action.

So in my case with Jim, I already had the authority to do something.

I just needed the courage to use the authority I had.

Second, the pastor needs to elevate ministry standards.

If a leader isn’t performing at the level the pastor expects … and the church requires … then the pastor needs to raise the bar.

The pastor needs to have a conversation with the leader in private.  The pastor may also need to create or modify a written position description that describes expectations and benchmarks for success.  He can ask the leader he’s struggling with for input as well.

The pastor then needs to say, “I need to see improvement in the areas I’ve specified over the next six weeks or three months.  Let’s meet every couple of weeks until the deadline.  I want to do everything I can to help you succeed.”

And the pastor needs to inform the church’s governing board that he’s trying to elevate the standards in that particular ministry.

I didn’t have this conversation with Jim, and I’m not sure it would have helped.  Because of his age – he was 78 at this point – he would have interpreted any criticism of his ministry as an indication that I was trying to put him out to pasture.  In addition, he was more than twice my age, and I’ve always been deferential to my elders (1 Timothy 5:1).

In our case, Jim and I clashed before we had that conversation.

Third, the pastor needs to expect sabotage.

From whom?  From the leader the pastor is trying to help.

Sabotage comes in different forms:

*Insubordination: “I am not going to do what you want.”

*Seniority: “I was here long before the pastor … and I’ll be here long after he’s gone.”

*Passive-aggressive behavior: the leader gives the pastor the impression of cooperation but resists making any changes.

*Coalition-building: the leader tells his/her network that the pastor is “trying to remove me from leadership” … hoping that network will support him/her against the pastor.

For this reason, the pastor needs to let the leader know in advance that actual sabotage in any form is grounds for instant removal.

In my case, I asked Jim one Sunday morning if he would sing some songs I had chosen about friendship for that evening’s service.

Jim told me, “Every pastor I’ve ever worked with has always let me choose the songs.”  I replied, “That’s fine, but I want us to sing these specific songs this evening.”

Jim refused.

And then he complained to his network that I was trying to curtail his authority.

I did not back down.  This was a battle I had to win.

The issue was not, “Which songs are we going to sing tonight?”  The issue was, “Who is ultimately in charge of our worship services … as well as our music?”

And the answer has to be, “The pastor.”

Fourth, the pastor usually needs to have a replacement available.

Before the pastor moves to correct a leader, he needs to have someone else available to step in and take the leader’s place … even on an interim basis.

There are exceptions to this rule.

For example, the pastor may not want to remove just the youth pastor … he may also want to blow up the entire youth ministry.

So if he removes the youth pastor from leadership, the pastor may let the youth group flounder for several months.

Why?  Because this gives the pastor time to find a new leader … and may rid the youth group of volunteer leaders who aren’t working out.

As I recall, in Jim’s case, we didn’t have another song leader available …  but that didn’t make Jim irreplaceable.

We eventually replaced him with a band.

Finally, the pastor needs to be prepared to let the leader – and his network – walk.

Whenever I had a tough conversation with a church leader, I knew from experience that the leader might get their feelings hurt and eventually leave the church.

So if the leader stays and improves, it’s a bonus.  But too often, the leader becomes upset, complains to family and friends, and the pastor becomes their enemy.

And for a pastor, losing a leader … and that leader’s network … is painful.  In their hearts, pastors don’t want to lose anybody.

But sometimes, leaders block a ministry’s progress, and if they won’t receive correction and initiate improvement, they have to go.

Especially with a ministry as important as music.

With Jim, he invited himself to the next board meeting, where he had not one … not three … but seven complaints to register against me.

The board listened to Jim’s complaints … challenged him on every one … and Jim sensed that they supported their pastor.

The next morning, he called to tell me that he was leaving the church.  Sadly, that was the end of our friendship.

And this is why these decisions are so full of conflict for pastors.

On the one hand … here is a leader who has been faithful and effective for a long period of time … even years.

But on the other hand, the leader no longer can take the church where it needs to go, and if they stay in charge of that ministry, it might never improve.

So what should the pastor do?

If the pastor does replace that leader, the pastor may lose the leader’s friendship … the leader may leave the church, along with his/her network … and there is no guarantee that the next leader will be any better.

If the pastor doesn’t replace that leader, that ministry may continue to flounder, the pastor may lose people’s respect … and if this scenario is replicated with other ministries, the pastor may end up leaving instead.

What are your thoughts on this issue?

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment! | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments »

Four Ways to Show Your Pastor Appreciation

October 9, 2013 by Jim Meyer

October is Pastor Appreciation Month.

If you regularly attend a church, how grateful are you for its pastor(s)?

The concept of showing appreciation to our spiritual leaders is biblical.  Paul writes to the church at Thessalonica:

Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you.  Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work.  1 Thessalonians 5:12-13

What form might this take today?

I won’t presume to speak for other pastors … just for myself … but here are four appreciation expressions I always cherished:

First, I was touched whenever someone wrote me a note about my ministry.

When I first became a pastor, I stood at the back door after the Sunday service to greet people as they were leaving.  I enjoyed meeting “my flock,” but sometimes, the comments I heard seemed insincere.  For example, a fairly well-known pastor and his wife visited our worship service one time, and as she passed me at the door, she stopped and said. “Good diction.”  I could have done without that “compliment!”

Joe Aldrich used to call this the “glorify the worm” ceremony.  It’s almost like people feel obligated to say something positive about the service and sermon … even if they don’t mean it.

So, like many pastors, I eventually stopped greeting people at the door after the service, preferring to remain up-front, especially so I could pray with people who had a problem.  Although not my intent, this meant that if someone wanted to express appreciation for the message, they had to seek me out after the service.  By doing this, I received far less feedback – and sometimes no feedback at all.

But if someone sent me an encouraging email that night or a gracious note later in the week, their thoughtfulness lifted my spirits.  For years, I kept an email folder titled “Thank Yous” and would re-read those notes if I was doubting my ministry effectiveness.  To this day, I keep a box filled with notes of appreciation from those in past churches.

The best notes don’t say, “Thank you for your message/ministry, pastor.”  The best notes say, “God really used you to speak to my heart today.  I’m going to ask God to help me change this area of my life.”

Do that, and your pastor might break out into praise … or tears.

Second, I was touched whenever someone gave me a book as a gift.

For centuries, books were the tools that pastors used to prepare sermons.  With biblical software, the internet, and e-books, the hardbound or softbound book isn’t as popular as it once was … but books still have great value for many of us in ministry.

During my first staff position – as a youth pastor – the youth group gave me The Treasury of David by Charles Spurgeon when I graduated from seminary.  Still have that set.  (Although you can now get it on your Kindle for free.)

When I left my second staff position, a deacon gave me a book of poetry.  He wrote something inside like, “No church could ever have tested you like this one.”  (He was right!)  Another family gave me a set of commentaries by J. Vernon McGee.

In my last ministry, one man gave me a book on Joe DiMaggio signed by the author.  A woman gave me a book called Jesus CEO.  Someone else gave me an old set of Spurgeon’s sermons.

It can be a challenge to buy books for a pastor – some have extensive libraries – but even a gift certificate to buy books from Amazon is most appropriate.  Craftsmen can always use new tools.

Third, monetary gifts are welcome during Pastor Appreciation Month.

Many churches send out a letter to the congregation and ask people to give a special gift to their pastor(s) every October.  You won’t believe what a blessing this is.

During my last ministry, I took a sabbatical of six weeks after seven years of service.  Before I left, the church collected a pastor appreciation gift a month early so I could use that gift during my time away.  Although things went south at that church several years later, I will never forget the kindness and generosity of that congregation for most of my time there.

Those unexpected funds allowed my wife and me to buy some things we couldn’t normally afford.  One time, I bought my wife a large Goldilocks chair.  Another time, I purchased a marvelous recliner – one I still use every single day.

And when I see those chairs, I’m reminded of the gracious people who sacrificed so we could occasionally take time to relax!

Finally, the best gift is to know that people in the congregation are walking with the Lord.

In 2 John 4, the apostle John writes:

It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as the Father commanded us.

If your church paid your pastor $500,000 a year, but no one was growing spiritually, that pastor would be poor indeed.

But if your church barely paid your pastor enough to live on, but God’s people were truly walking with the Lord, that pastor would be rich!

Few pastors venture into ministry to become wealthy.  We enter ministry because God has called and equipped us to serve His people.

And whenever the pastor can tell that believers are growing in their faith, he knows he is doing what God called him to do.

I’m getting to the age where I don’t know how many years I have left.  Two?  Ten?  Twenty-five?  Only God knows.

But if someone has touched my life – especially for the Lord – then I want them to know now how much they’ve meant to me.

And so I thank God for three pastors who have touched my life deeply:

*For Pastor Bill Brittin, who dedicated me as an infant.  Years later, I served as his youth pastor for 3 1/2 years.  To this day, he’s the only man I call “pastor.”  He is now with Jesus.

*For Dr. Earl Grant, the first pastor I ever worked for.  I only served under him for two years, but learned enough to last a lifetime.  He performed my wedding ceremony … because I married his daughter.

*For Pastor Dave Rolph, my friend for 45 years.  Dave and I took English and Greek together at Biola, sat in the back row together at chapel four days a week at Talbot Seminary, and graduated together 33 years ago.  Dave has always been there for me, and it’s been exciting to see the way God has used him both in his churches and on the radio.

When is the last time you expressed appreciation to one of your pastors?

If they’re still around, how about doing just that … maybe this week?

Posted in Current Church Issues, Personal Stories | Tagged , , | 2 Comments »

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