It’s mid-afternoon on a Tuesday.
As pastor of Grace Church, you’ve just about recovered your energy from last Sunday’s service … and you’re looking ahead to the following Sunday’s worship time.
Suddenly, the phone rings. It’s John, one of your board members. He sounds anxious.
“Pastor, I’ve just heard and confirmed that a petition is being circulated to call for a vote to remove you as pastor. I don’t have all the details, but I thought you ought to know.”
With that one phone call, your world will never be the same.
Because I’ve written a book on the topic of forced termination called Church Coup … because I write a blog on pastor-church conflict … and because I know firsthand what it’s like to be attacked from within your church … I regularly hear the stories of pastors who have already gone through this horrendous experience.
But what about the pastor who has just received word that a group of people from inside the church want him to leave? What, if anything, should he do?
Let me present ten suggestions for pastors who have just confirmed they’re under attack (five this time, five next time):
First, trust your pastoral instincts.
If you think you’re under attack, you probably are.
If you think someone hates you, they probably do.
If you think a group wants you to resign, you’re most likely correct.
Could you just be paranoid? Yes. Could you be overreacting? Of course.
But the most likely scenario is that you know in your heart of hearts exactly what is going on.
When I was under attack more than five years ago, some people from the church came around me and tried to encourage me. They would say things like, “I can’t believe So-and-So is against you” or “I’m sure you’re reading this wrong” or “Maybe this will all blow over in a few weeks.”
While I appreciated their attempts to make me feel better, I knew deep inside what the endgame was: to force me to quit.
And in almost every circumstance, my instincts were right.
The more years you’ve been in church ministry, the more finely-tuned your instincts are. While they’re not infallible, they’re incredibly accurate. Unless you have clear-cut evidence that they’re wrong, trust them.
Second, locate several comforting passages of Scripture and read them daily.
When you’re under attack, you usually can’t concentrate for very long.
If you can maintain a quiet time schedule … including reading through books of the Bible … then go ahead and do it … but realize that you may end up reading the words but not deriving much from their meaning.
Two books of the Bible deal specifically with attacks upon God’s servants: the Psalms and 2 Corinthians.
Time after time throughout the Psalms, David laments that his enemies are trying to harm him … even kill him. The way David felt several thousand years ago mirrors the way many pastors feel today when they’re under attack.
In my situation, I perused the Psalms until I found Psalm 35, and for several weeks, my wife and I read that psalm every evening before we went to bed. If you can identify one or more psalms that work for you, maybe you can park there for a while, and let God’s Word fill your mind and soul.
Paul wrote 2 Corinthians because some people in Corinth were questioning his qualifications to be an apostle. Paul opens up his heart and expresses his feelings in a way he doesn’t do in places like Romans or Ephesians. It’s great therapy.
If you find difficulty praying, it’s okay to shoot “arrow prayers” up to God during the day like “God help me” or “God save me” or “God give me wisdom.” Jesus was in so much pain on the cross that He only uttered a few words at a time, and our Father understands if you can’t pray as long or as deep as you’re accustomed to doing.
Third, confide in believers from outside the church.
When you suspect you’re under attack, proactively contact two types of friends who are not in your church:
*Contact personal friends who are believers. These are people who call you by your first name. They don’t know you as “Pastor.”
Share with them what you’re going through. Ask them to pray for you … and with you right then. Ask them to check in on you over the next few weeks.
When I was under attack, I regularly called several friends, including one who is a pastor, and two who were former board chairmen. While they were honest with me, they also let me know that our friendship superseded whatever my opponents were saying … and they usually saw matters more clearly than I did.
*Contact professional friends who can provide perspective. This includes seminary professors … Christian counselors … church conflict interventionists … and fellow pastors.
Five days after our conflict surfaced, I spent 14 hours on the phone one day with Christian leaders. They were generous with their time … provided much-needed insights … and let me know that I wasn’t alone.
If you can, take notes during these conversations. You’ll be able to relay their thoughts much better to your wife and family, and the notes may be useful down the road if matters go south.
Fourth, identify and meet with your supporters from inside your church … cautiously.
I spoke recently with a woman who was trying to bring a charter school to her community. She told me that a school leader held some face-to-face conversations with two school board members and came away convinced that both members would vote in favor of the project.
Both ended up voting no … along with the rest of the board.
The lesson? During times of crisis, don’t assume that people who have supported you in the past will continue to support you in the future.
And don’t assume that people who say they support you will continue to do so … because some will flip on you.
In fact, some may become double agents … acting like they’re your supporter but passing on whatever you say to your detractors … and you may not find out who these people are until it’s too late.
How can you tell who your supporters are?
They’ll use “we” language (“Pastor, what are we doing to do?”) … threaten to leave the church if you leave … encourage you not to resign prematurely … defend you to the hilt when people criticize you … and share any conversations they have with your opponents with you.
Assume that unless you’ve done something impeachable … like commit adultery, steal church funds, or commit a criminal act … most people will continue to support you, at least initially. After all, the great majority of people who attend your church are there because of you … and not because of your detractors.
Fifth, gauge the opposition against you: both who and how many.
This is a difficult step to take, but it’s necessary. Consulting with your supporters, you want to find out:
*Who is against you? Don’t be surprised if your opposition includes a staff member or a few board members. Some church leaders sense that if they can overthrow you in a coup, they will gain more power in the church by default.
When I discovered that some top church leaders were standing against me, I was devastated. Nobody had ever sat down with me and said, “Hey, Jim, I’m concerned about your behavior or about this aspect of the ministry.”
Looking back, those who ended up opposing me went silent whenever they didn’t like something I had said or done. That’s why I didn’t know they were against me.
You have to shake off the shock of discovering that an associate or close friend has turned against you. It says far more about them than it does about you. They lack the courage to confront you to your face and are only willing to go public when they’ve pooled their grievances with others.
*How many are against you? I haven’t read this anywhere, but here’s what I think:
If the entire church board is against you, you cannot survive as pastor. No matter how bad you feel, or what people are saying about you, do not resign without a severance agreement. Trade your resignation for a severance agreement … but don’t resign until you have one in place and it’s been reviewed by an attorney. If you resign without a severance agreement, you will put a tremendous strain on your family financially, and you will kick yourself for a long time.
Here is a blog article I wrote for board members on severance agreements. Feel free to send them the link:
If a vocal faction is against you, try and find out how many people are in the faction, as well as their names. Know your opposition. If they are making demands and threats, they’re probably at the point where they’re telling people, “Either the pastor leaves or we leave.” If the faction doesn’t include any board members, staff members, or spiritual leaders, you may be able to survive provided that your board and/or your staff stands behind you.
During my second pastorate, a vocal faction … mostly composed of seniors … held a secret meeting … created a list of my faults (and included my wife and two kids) … approached the church board with their list … and demanded that I be fired. Because their list consisted of petty items, the board stood with me and the entire faction left the church en masse.
If several members of the church staff are against you, and their complaints are petty, call a public meeting and expose their opposition. Some will probably resign immediately because they don’t want to go on record against you. I know a pastor who did this many years ago and now leads one of America’s greatest churches.
Just because some prominent people are against you doesn’t mean that you should resign. And just because ten or fifteen percent of your congregation is against you doesn’t mean you should quit, either.
It all depends upon the strength of your support from the church board and staff. If they stand with you, you can survive any uprising. But if several of them wilt on you … especially because they’re friends with your opponents … that’s a different story.
I’ll share five more suggestions next time.
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
Revenge Against Pastors
Posted in Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged attacking a pastor, church board and pastoral termination, forced termination of pastors, pastor staff conflict, pastor-board conflict, pastoral termination, pastors under attack on September 16, 2016| 2 Comments »
I just dropped a final payment and a sharply-worded letter in the mailbox to my former cable company (let’s call them Corrupt Cable) a few minutes ago.
Last April, Corrupt bought out my previous cable company (which I was very happy with) and immediately began alienating their new customers.
The bills were higher than they had been. When I called customer service – which I did every month – the reps would tell me I owed one amount, but the subsequent bill would be larger.
When my bill in July was double what the customer rep said that I owed in June, I immediately cancelled (I was on a month-to-month contract) and contacted another company, which came the next day and exceeded my expectations with their professional attitude and performance.
I called Corrupt’s customer service again, asked how much my final bill was, and sent in that amount. But Corrupt later billed me twice the amount the rep said I owed.
That was it for me. I sent Corrupt management a strongly-worded two page letter along with a check for the amount the rep said I owed. Corrupt countered with a letter threatening my credit if I didn’t pay them the remaining balance immediately.
I have never written the word “Corrupt!” on a check before, but I just did.
Now here’s the deal: I don’t want to hurt Corrupt’s CEO or force him from office. I don’t want to destroy the company or its shareholders.
I just don’t want to think about them or talk about them anymore. I am done with the Corrupt Cable Company forever.
But in many churches, when someone becomes upset with the pastor, they want to hurt him. They want to target him. They want to force him from office.
And they want revenge.
It’s my contention that many pastoral terminations are really the result of one or more church leaders seeking retribution against their shepherd.
More and more, I’m hearing stories of pastors and staff members who are forced out of their positions, and when they’re done sharing, I say to them, “You know what this sounds like to me? Revenge.”
Let me share with you a composite of situations I’ve heard about firsthand.
Tom (who is now in his early 60s) has been the lead pastor of New Life Church for fifteen years. The church has grown steadily and has a weekend attendance of 1100 people. Tom and the board hired an associate pastor named Joe five years ago, and the first several years went well, but over the past two years, Joe has made Tom’s life a living hell.
Joe (who is in his mid-40s) is surrounded by family and friends who think that he’s a better leader and preacher than Tom and that he’s more culturally relevant. Joe’s wife has been especially vocal in this area.
Some members of Joe’s group (which numbers about thirty) have started to make snide comments about the church and its leadership on social media. Though they don’t mention Pastor Tom by name, it’s obvious they’re aiming their barbs at him.
By contrast, when Pastor Joe does anything in public, he’s praised on Facebook and Twitter by the FOJ Brigade.
At this point, the ideal solution is for the official board to intervene and tell Joe that (a) he still works for Pastor Tom; (b) he needs to tell his supporters to knock off their social media campaign; (c) if Joe has any concerns, he should discuss them with Tom first; and (d) any deviations from their instructions will result in Joe’s dismissal.
But because most church boards are afraid of conflict, and because some board members like Joe more than Tom, this solution isn’t likely to be implemented.
If Pastor Tom does nothing, he’s going to be driven from his position within a short while, because Joe’s followers are starting to smell blood.
But if Tom goes to the board and enacts too heavy-handed an approach, some board members will turn on him and back Joe instead.
So Tom decides that he will talk to Joe in private first. Tom will tell Joe what he’s seeing with his attitude and ask Joe what he plans to do about it.
Tom’s plan doesn’t work and, in fact, upsets Joe greatly. Ten minutes after their meeting, Joe is texting and calling his group, telling them, “How dare the pastor talk to me like that!”
Tom comes out of their meeting dazed and confused, while Joe calls a couple of board members that he senses are sympathetic and negatively exaggerates both Tom’s tone and words.
The verdict? Pastor Tom can’t get along with the staff (even though he gets along with everybody but Joe) and he can’t get along with important people (like Joe’s followers).
So Tom has to go.
I wrote the following paragraph in my book Church Coup:
“I have a theory about the mentality of those who seek to target a pastor they don’t like. Because they sense that what they’re doing is wrong, they have to (a) exaggerate any charges to the level of a capital crime; (b) find others who agree with them to alleviate their guilt; (c) justify their actions by convincing themselves it’s for the common good; and (d) work up their hatred so they follow through with their plan. While this progression sounds like the kind of diabolical rage one might find in politics or war (or the prelude to a murder), the last place we’d expect to find such irrationality is inside a church.”
Over the next three months, Joe’s revenge against Tom manifests itself in five ways:
*Joe lets scores of people know – both directly and through his minions – that Tom should no longer be the pastor at New Life. Joe details Tom’s inadequacies for anyone who will listen, including veiled swipes at his age. As news spreads through the church underground, people add their own grievances against Pastor Tom to Joe’s list. Some people start saying that if Tom doesn’t leave, they will.
*The church board absorbs Joe’s complaints against Tom and calls a special meeting to deal with the conflict. Since nobody on the board has a clue how to handle matters, the easy way out is to dismiss Tom, even though he isn’t guilty of any major offense. Because the board lacks any impeachable offense, they decide to justify their actions by “gunnysacking” Tom – listing as many faults and petty offenses against him as they can create in a single meeting. They come up with seventeen reasons why Tom must leave but make a pact they won’t tell Tom anything.
*Keeping Joe informed at every turn, the board then ambushes Pastor Tom at their next regular meeting and informs him that he has a choice of resigning (with a small severance package) or being fired (without a severance package). When Pastor Tom asks for the charges against him to be read, the board declines. When Tom pleads for them to let him defend himself, they refuse. The charges against Tom are merely a smokescreen for personal hatred. When Tom becomes upset, they add that to their list.
*Pastor Tom resigns and receives a three-month severance package. However, he’s told he must (a) clear out his office (and all his books) in two days; (b) turn in his keys immediately afterward; (c) never set foot on the church campus again; (d) not discuss his dismissal with anyone or his severance will be curtailed; (e) cut off all contact with everyone at the church.
*After Tom’s resignation is read to the congregation, Joe and his minions want to make sure that Tom’s supporters (at least 95% of the congregation) won’t cause any future trouble, so they spread rumors that (a) he was having an affair; (b) he was using drugs; and (c) he had trouble in previous churches that never came to light. Several of Joe’s supporters also call the local district office and exaggerate the charges against him to make sure that no church in the denomination ever hires him again. The district minister complies.
Some quick observations:
First, this whole situation was handled politically, not spiritually.
When revenge is involved, church politics rule. It’s all about maximizing power … counting noses … denying the pastor due process … and checkmating him personally and professionally. It may not look or sound like revenge, but it is. Where’s the Bible in all this?
Second, the church board wimped out.
Had I been on New Life’s board, I would have recommended that Pastor Joe be confronted for challenging Pastor Tom’s authority. If he wouldn’t repent, I would recommend his dismissal instead. Tom didn’t do anything wrong; Joe did. And it’s far easier to get a new associate than a new lead pastor. But the board went with the squeaky wheel rather than any semblance of fairness or righteousness.
Third, the church lacked a predetermined process for handling complaints against the pastor.
Every church needs such a process. It automatically kicks in whenever dirt starts being thrown at the pastor. Because church boards often operate politically, I believe that another group in the church needs to monitor this process: a CRG (Conflict Resolution Group). It’s not their job to make decisions about a pastor’s future. It’s their job to make sure that the board and the church treat the pastor fairly: according to Scripture, the church’s governing documents, and the law. And if the CRG’s directives aren’t followed, the entire board should be asked to resign rather than the lead pastor.
Fourth, treating Pastor Tom badly will come back and bite the church … hard.
Yes, people will leave the church, even if they never find out the details surrounding Tom’s departure. But more than this: unless Pastor Joe and the complying board members repent, do you really believe that God is going to bless New Life Church in the future? If so, you and I worship a different God.
Finally, God seeks redemption for His leaders, not revenge.
Allow me a personal word. When I left my last church ministry nearly seven years ago, the entire church board resigned because they initiated a coup that failed. They wrote and signed a resignation letter that was cruel and demeaning and intended to provide me with the maximum amount of pain. (I have read it only three times.) They obviously were upset with me about some issues, but they never sat down and talked with me about them. Instead, they concocted a plan designed to checkmate me at every turn, and when their plan backfired, they left enraged.
There was never any attempt at restoration or redemption. It was all about retribution and revenge.
Several weeks ago, I found out that two couples from my former church who had been friends for forty years severed their friendship over the way I was treated. One couple bought into the gunnysacking charges the board made against me, while the other couple – which never heard from me directly – defended me to the hilt based on the pettiness of the charges themselves. While this new information made me sad, I thought to myself, “This is what happens when people seek revenge against their pastor.”
When church leaders hear complaints about their pastor, they have two options:
First, they can lovingly bring the charges to their pastor’s attention, let him face his accusers, ask him for explanations, and remain open to his staying. That’s redemptive.
Second, they can angrily spread charges behind the pastor’s back, refuse to let him face his accusers, insure that he’s not permitted any kind of defense, and remain determined to get rid of him. That’s revenge.
We all know these verses, but they’re a good reminder during such times:
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil…. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written, ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord…. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:17,19,21).
What are your thoughts on what I have written?
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