When a pastor is under attack inside his church, he begins to suffer from a condition I’d like to call Damaged Pastor Syndrome.
DPS strikes a pastor when he picks up signals that an individual or a group are laying the groundwork to force him from office.
These signals include church members:
*Making inquiries about church attendance and giving patterns.
*Requesting copies of the church constitution and bylaws.
*Calling district or denominational headquarters.
*Visibly gathering before and after church … even if they don’t travel in the same social circles.
*Increasingly making negative comments on social media about the church and/or pastor.
In addition:
*The governing board may call itself into executive session without the pastor’s foreknowledge.
*Staff members may begin to resist the pastor’s directives.
*Staffers may become secretive while talking on the phone.
*Some church leaders may limit or avoid social time with the pastor altogether.
*Certain board and staff members may stop coming to worship … especially when the pastor is preaching.
Most pastors – nearly 80% – are very sensitive individuals, and when they sense an attack is coming, they quickly acquire DPS.
Let me share a story from my own ministry to illustrate this more concretely.
During my second pastorate, the seniors’ Bible class rebelled against me.
They didn’t like the new music the board had approved for worship. They didn’t feel I was paying them enough attention. And the class’s teacher – a former pastor who couldn’t find a job anywhere in Christendom – began to feel powerful as his class focused on the source of their discontent: their pastor.
Before long, rumors of discontent became reality.
A board member found out that a group of seniors were going to hold a secret meeting at a specific time and place. He told me about the meeting.
I was afraid and anxious. I couldn’t think. And I wondered, “Why doesn’t this group like me? What have I done to offend them?”
My wife and I went to a movie – a Disney cartoon, as I recall – just so I could focus on something other than that meeting.
In the end, it didn’t come off because the supportive board member showed up at the meeting unannounced and took away all their fun.
But that didn’t stop them. They rescheduled and reloaded.
Because I didn’t know what was happening … and could only imagine the worst … I shifted into survival mode.
In the end, they created a two-page list of complaints against me, my wife, our son (who was 9), and our daughter (who was 6).
When I found out about this, I called a special board meeting and informed the entire group about the plot.
To a man, they stood with me … even though my district minister recommended that I resign.
But for weeks, I was a wreck. I couldn’t sleep … couldn’t carry on a decent conversation … couldn’t trust people … and couldn’t think about anything other than the attack.
Because I had shifted into fight or flight mode, I was pumping adrenaline at a furious rate to handle the emergency.
The conflict went on for months … until the seniors and their buddies all left the church en masse … forming a new church one mile away.
Now here’s how DPS becomes relevant: when a pastor is under attack, he will be further attacked for responding to the attack like a human being.
For example, when a pastor is under attack:
*If he becomes depressed, he will be attacked for looking gloomy.
*If he becomes fearful, he will be attacked for not appearing strong.
*If he becomes anxious, he will be attacked for not trusting God.
*If he becomes isolated, he will be attacked for being aloof.
*If he becomes ill, he will be attacked for appearing unhealthy.
In other words, the very people who abuse, betray, and criticize the pastor will kick him around even more for not handling himself the way they think he should.
They will ask people in the church: “How can he be our pastor if he isn’t going to set a better example for the rest of us?”
DPS may be the primary reason why pastors end up resigning after enduring a sheep attack.
It took me six months to recover my energy after that group left the church. The pastor of one of America’s largest churches told me that after he survived a similar attack, it also took him six months to recover, so this may be a pattern.
The group attacking the pastor is correct: the pastor may not be very effective for a while due to anxiety, depression, and fear.
But the group is wrong about why the pastor quickly wilts. It’s not because he’s a poor example … it’s because shepherds are never prepared for sheep to turn on them and stomp them into the ground.
Since pastors are attacked while on the job, it only seems fair for the congregation and/or church board to assume responsibility for the pastor’s care while he recovers. This includes a reduced workload … extended time off … funds for counseling … a visit to a retreat center … and creating safeguards to resist another attack.
Because most of the time, it’s not a weakness in the pastor that causes him to collapse under pressure … it’s a weakness in the church system that allows the attack in the first place.
Think about it.
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
Christian Wounded Warriors
Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged Church Coup, forced resignation of pastors, pastoral termination, wounded pastors on February 10, 2016| 8 Comments »
While watching television this morning, I saw a commercial I’ve seen scores of time before.
It was an ad for Wounded Warriors Project, including photos of American military veterans who have been severely injured during combat and are struggling to lead normal lives.
With the concerned face and deep voice of country singer Trace Adkins inviting viewers to support WWP financially, I’m sure these commercials are providing tens of thousands of dollars in revenue to help our vets in need … which is really wonderful.
But did you know there are thousands of former and current pastors who might also be termed Wounded Warriors?
Many of you do know … some of you may not.
I mention this because last week, I posted an article called “19 Things I’d Rather Do Than Attend a Church Board Meeting.” Although several Christian leaders told me they resonated with what I’d written … including a seminary professor and well-known author … one person … whom I do not know … left this comment:
“Articles on congregational and pastoral leadership written in bitterness following a painful dismissal are not particularly insightful or productive. This one is no exception.”
(My policy is to let comments stand, even when they’re negative. I don’t edit them, and only a handful of times have I chosen not to approve comments because I felt they made the writer look bad.)
Let me make several observations about this comment – which is atypical of the ones I normally receive – which will give me the opportunity to make some clarifications about my writing ministry:
*I tried to write an article that contrasted my previous calling as a pastor with my current job, which is serving with my wife caring for children in our home … and I made the point that at this point in my life, I prefer what I’m doing right now.
*As those who know me or my previous church situation knows, I wasn’t dismissed as pastor. I chose to resign because my wife was attacked as a way of forcing me to quit … an entirely different dynamic than usually occurs. That may be a “forced resignation,” but it wasn’t a “painful dismissal.”
*Even though I wrote a book about that 50-day conflict … and even though I refer to it on occasion in my blog … I usually write as if people are coming to my blog for the first time. This means that I sometimes will repeat myself … and risk boring my faithful readers … but I want my readers – especially pastors and their wives who have gone through a forced termination – to know that I understand what they are going through and that I feel their pain.
*I’m not bitter about what happened. I accepted my destiny long ago. I have no desire to hurt any of my detractors for what they did … I forgave them years before … nor to harm my former church in any way. But I am wounded, and always will be. How could I not be? My career in church ministry ended after 36 years! But I’m just one of thousands of God’s servants who have suffered similar mistreatment – like David, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Daniel, Paul, and Jesus – and were changed by the experience.
*The list of “19 Things” was tongue-in-cheek and presented in an ironic manner. My sermon prep teacher warned our class years ago not to use irony when we preach because many people don’t get it. It’s still true … but I still enjoy using it … even though I risk being misunderstood. Maybe I could have written that article better.
*My main takeaway from this comment was, “I don’t want to hear anything about the dismissal of a pastor from a congregation or the way he feels afterward. If I hear anything … regardless of the person’s experiences or motives … I will label it sour grapes.”
It’s this last observation that I’d like to address for a few moments.
When I started my blog in December 2010, and when my book Church Coup was published in March 2013, I made a conscious decision: to be willing to share in detail an attempt by a few people from my former congregation to force me out of my pastoral position. I also chose to share how I felt about it at the time … and to try and make a dent in the epidemic of forced terminations in Christian churches today. (I’d like to think that I’ve succeeded somewhat based on the thousands of views I’ve received for my article “If You Must Terminate a Pastor” as well as the number of pastors, board members, staff members, and laymen I’ve counseled over the past few years.)
I didn’t share everything that happened … it would have made the book much longer … and I intentionally left out parts that might make some individuals look bad. In fact, I spent six hours with an attorney reviewing the book’s contents so that I was telling my story accurately rather than wreaking revenge.
I knew that the book would never be a Christian bestseller, although I’ve sold more copies than I thought I would.
I assumed that some Christian leaders would severely criticize me for revealing information that normally stays hidden inside a congregation, although I masked the church’s name … the city where it’s located … and the real names of those who wished me harm. However, while I’m ignorant of what has been said about my book in private, few leaders have criticized me to my face, and many have thanked me for writing and getting the issue out into the open.
I shared how I felt about the conflict because I’m not a programmed robot; I’m a real person with real feelings. A Christian counselor told me, “If you want to help others, don’t ever forget how you felt when you were going through your conflict.” Some Christians are uncomfortable reading about how a pastor feels after a forced exit … and someday I’ll speculate on why that is … but I will continue to inject emotion into my writing because it takes too much effort to suppress it.
Some Christian leaders view forced terminations both cynically and politically. Their attitude is, “You were pressured to resign. You lost, your opponents won. That’s just the way it goes. Shut up about it now.” I am troubled by that attitude because it guarantees that forced terminations – along with all the damage they cause – will continue unabated in Christian churches … although I certainly don’t want to bleed all over the place whenever I write!
The Christian community as a whole does not want to hear about pastoral termination or to hear from its victims. We’d rather banish such pastors … call them “losers” … and tape their mouths shut.
Many years ago, a prominent Christian psychiatrist – who had counseled hundreds of pastors who had experienced a forced exit, along with their wives – wanted to write a book about the subject. He pitched it to a major Christian publisher … and they turned him down. The assumption was, “Who wants to read about pastors who have been terminated?”
The Christian community wants to keep this issue buried because (a) it’s poor marketing for the Christian faith; (b) it exposes glaring weaknesses in congregational life; (c) it reveals hatred and bitterness among church leaders; and (d) it negates the power of the gospel to reconcile relationships.
But don’t Christians believe in redemption … even for ex-pastors?
Can’t we learn something significant from the stories of those who have been forced out unjustly?
Why would we want to silence such pastors?
What are we as Christians afraid of?
Wouldn’t the wider Christian community benefit from an honest discussion of this issue?
Because when a forced termination is handled poorly … and they usually are … forces are unleashed in a church that people can’t control … and those forces damage lots of people … as well as their church’s future.
This is the 491st blog post I’ve written. On occasion, I’ve written about baseball … music … travel … even cemeteries! … and I’ll do more of that in the future.
But I know why people come to my blog in the first place: because I deal with the topic of pastoral termination … in all its many ramifications … and in an authentic and thorough fashion.
When I was in the Doctor of Ministry program at Fuller Seminary, my focus was on church conflict. My editor couldn’t believe the examples I used in my dissertation because she wasn’t aware of what goes on in Christian churches behind closed doors.
But God has called me to this ministry, and I will continue to speak up … and speak out … as long as He gives me breath.
Thank you for reading!
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