There are a lot of things in this world I don’t understand. For example:
Why is one baseball pitcher paid more than $30 million per season?
Why did they have to kill off Matthew on Downton Abbey?
And why does anyone pay attention to Miley Cyrus?
There are also areas of the Christian church I don’t understand:
Why are so many Christians afraid to stand up for their faith?
Why are most churches unprepared for guests?
Why don’t pastors preach on controversial issues anymore?
We can talk about those issues another time.
However, I have five questions that center around conflict in churches – especially involving pastors – that continue to puzzle me:
First, why do so many Christians resort to lying to get rid of their pastor?
When a pastor is innocent of any major offense (like heresy, immorality, or felonious behavior), but a group in the church wants to push him out, why do they lie to get their way?
And why do so many gullible Christians believe the lies without checking their veracity?
And why do churchgoers believe the liars and proceed to shun their pastor?
Paul writes in Ephesians 4:25, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
I hear stories all the time from pastors whose forced resignations were preceded by one lie after the other.
Why do we permit this in the body of Christ?
Can’t figure it out.
Second, why is a forced-out pastor considered “damaged goods?”
In our day, if a pastor is forced to resign from a church, the chances that he can find another church ministry are poor.
Why do search teams make blanket judgments about such pastors without doing a little more homework?
Why does the Church that espouses grace for sinners withhold that same grace from pastors who have been battered and bullied?
I know men with sparkling credentials … who have grown churches … who are excellent speakers … who have proven their stability by leading the same church for 20 years … who have given their lives to the ministry … who can’t get a search team member to even return an email.
If Peter denied that he knew Christ in our day, would God’s people let him back into ministry?
Many pastors are forced out of their positions because they chose to obey the Lord rather than the board.
Shouldn’t we celebrate these men as heroes rather than ban them from church ministry for life?
Can’t figure it out.
Third, why don’t more denominational leaders stand behind pastors under attack?
When I became a pastor, I was told that my district minister was “a pastor to pastors.”
So I shared with him some concerns I had about my church.
That was a big mistake … because he later used what I shared against me.
If you’re a pastor under attack, and you’re looking for someone to confide in, think twice about trusting your regional minister.
Why?
Because they are usually more interested in keeping the church – and its money – in the denomination than standing for what’s right.
If you’re a pastor, and you’re under fire inside your church, and you’re thinking about asking your district executive for help, ask him this one question first:
To what extent will you stand behind me in this conflict?
If you get a wishy-washy political answer … which is likely … RUN!
Before I draw a parallel with Pontius Pilate … why don’t more denominational leaders stand up for their pastors?
Can’t figure it out.
Fourth, why aren’t more Christian leaders doing something about the problem of forced terminations?
In my book Church Coup, I quoted researcher Marcus Tanner from Texas Tech University about the increase in clergy terminations.
Tanner stated, “Everybody knows this is happening, but nobody wants to talk about it. The vast majority of denominations across the country are doing absolutely nothing.”
If 1,500 to 1,800 pastors are leaving church ministry every month – with most of them forced out – then why are good people sitting around and permitting this evil to happen?
And don’t give me this “autonomy of the local church” stuff. That’s just an excuse for Christian fear and dysfunction.
If pastors are being abused and battered and lied about, why are most Christian leaders silent?
Can’t figure it out.
Finally, why are congregations so blind when it comes to Satan’s influence?
Satan uses two primary tactics to destroy pastors and churches: deception and destruction.
Jesus said in John 8:44 that Satan is a liar and the father of lies … and was a murderer from the beginning.
Deception and destruction … two words that are easy to remember.
Anytime that lies are being spread through a church … Satan is involved.
Anytime that someone is trying to destroy a pastor … Satan is involved.
And yet, when Christians are in the midst of a conflict involving their pastor, some attribute the chaos and consternation to anyone and everyone except the evil one.
Why are believers so easily fooled?
Paul wrote about Satan in 2 Corinthians 2:11, “For we are not unaware of his schemes.”
But during a conflict, most Christians seem spiritually deaf and blind.
Can’t figure it out.
It’s high time that Christians took the time to study and practice what the Bible has to say about church conflict.
Or else Jesus’ church is going to have an increasing number of questions that it can’t answer.
Restoring Kingdom Builders 
Why Laundry Lists Devastate Relationships
Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged confronting issues as they arise, Ephesians 4:26-27, false accusations against Jesus, harboring bitterness and anger, laundry list of accusations, treating pastors fairly on February 26, 2014| 2 Comments »
Have you ever had somebody recount a laundry list of your faults?
I’ve had this happen to me … and it’s devastating.
Political candidates from both parties use laundry lists against their opponents during election season.
Spouses pull out laundry lists when they’re frustrated with each other.
Employers compile laundry lists when they’re ready to let an employee go.
But most of the time, laundry lists aren’t just unjust … they’re downright evil.
Why do I say this?
This morning, I read Mark 15:2-4 in The Message:
Pilate asked him, “Are you the ‘King of the Jews’?” He answered, “If you say so.” The high priests let loose a barrage of accusations.
Pilate asked again, “Aren’t you going to answer anything? That’s quite a list of accusations.” Still, he said nothing.
When pastors are under attack, their opponents compile lists of their “offenses,” just like the Jewish leaders did with Jesus.
Let me make four observations about such lists:
First, laundry lists are usually desperate attempts to end a relationship.
During my second pastorate, a group of seniors did not like the changes that the board and I were making – especially concerning music.
Since they didn’t want to leave the church, they sat in a room and compiled a list of all my faults – including those of my wife and children, too.
Then they presented their list to two board members, as if to say, “Look at this list! He needs to go!”
That’s what the high priests did to Jesus.
The list compilers don’t want to talk things out … or negotiate … or reconcile in any way.
They want the object of their scorn to be (a) defeated, (b) removed, or (c) executed.
There’s just one problem:
Second, laundry lists rarely contain any impeachable offenses.
Heresy is an impeachable offense for a pastor. So is sexual immorality … and felonious behavior … and even slothfulness.
If someone’s opponents have evidence of an impeachable offense, they don’t need a laundry list.
They only need the laundry list when they don’t have an impeachable offense … which tells us something.
If a pastor preaches that Jesus isn’t God … or he’s caught in a motel with his pants down … who cares if he once became upset at a staff meeting?
When the seniors created their laundry list against me, one of their charges was that I didn’t make the wife of the church drummer lengthen her dresses … as if that was my role.
And all their “charges” were that trivial … which is why the board defended me and the seniors eventually left the church.
Third, laundry lists are simply unfair.
I know someone who once worked for a major Christian organization. One day, his supervisor told him that he was doing 13 things wrong.
How could my friend possibly make changes in 13 areas at once?
He couldn’t … and was dismissed soon afterward.
That’s lazy … even angry … supervision.
Most people can’t emotionally handle having someone point out more than one offense at the same time … much less 13 … and that goes for children, husbands, and pastors.
(And students: remember when your teacher gave you back your term paper and it was full of red marks?)
The biblical principle is to bring up offenses as they arise. Ephesians 4:26-27 says:
“In your anger do not sin”; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
If I’m angry with you for something you did, but I hoard your offense rather than speak to you about it, whose fault is that?
MINE!
And if you continue to commit offenses, but I never say or do anything about them, whose fault is that ?
MINE!
And if I come to you one day … and bitterly hurl your offenses at you … and you don’t take it kindly … whose fault is that?
MINE!
Christians would have far less conflict in their homes, workplaces, and churches if we’d just take Ephesians 4:26-27 to heart.
And when we don’t, guess who gains a foothold in our lives?
Satan.
Finally, laundry lists tend to indict their creators.
In Mark’s account, Jesus wasn’t guilty of any wrongdoing, while His enemies sought to cover up their plotting by trumping up charges.
The list makers intended to throw the spotlight onto a person they despised, but instead, they were revealed as being hypercritical, petty, and vindictive.
Their “barrage of accusations” really stood as an implicit confession:
“We don’t like Jesus one bit. We don’t like His popularity … or His love for sinners … or His novel interpretations of Scripture … or His refusal to obey us … or the authority He’s been acquiring.”
And on and on and on.
Their laundry list was really about one thing: they hated Jesus.
And most of the time, those who use such lists expose their own hatred.
A church leader once came to me with a laundry list of accusations. When he was done, I asked him, “So what you’re saying is that you’ve hated me all this time?”
He coyly admitted as much.
Do you know how it feels to work alongside someone that hates you … especially in a church?
It’s absolutely devastating.
If he had just spoken with me when his feelings first started surfacing, maybe we could have worked things out.
But when he harbored anger … without my knowledge … it ate him alive … and he poured it all out on me.
Then he felt better … and I felt like harming myself.
That relationship ended, as do most relationships where one person nails the target of their wrath with a laundry list of their faults.
If you want to get along with your family and friends, deal with issues as they arise … or take your pain to God in prayer.
Because once you toss a “barrage of accusations” at someone, it won’t be long before somebody gets crucified.
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