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The Forgotten Enemy

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , , on October 30, 2013| 1 Comment »

Tomorrow is Halloween.  I loved Halloween as a kid.  I don’t love it anymore.

Why not?  As I described in my book Church Coup, events occurred on Halloween four years ago that changed the way I view the day forever.

Simply put, in the midst of a church conflict, my family was spiritually attacked on October 31.  I witnessed the attack, along with several others.  It was frightening … custom-designed … and very, very real.

The intent?  To destroy my family and my ministry.

In the book, I chose not to reveal the details of the attack which did not originate from humans, but from the enemy of our souls.

Satan is real.  He hates God the Father …  Jesus Christ … Jesus’ church and followers … and even you.  If the devil and his hordes cannot keep a person from following Jesus, they will seek to neutralize or even eliminate that believer’s impact so that Christ’s kingdom cannot advance through them.

If you’re courageous enough to keep reading, let me share a story that I left out of my book.

__________

Kim and I had seen Satan at work in Silicon Valley nearly twenty years before.  Santa Clara County has a much larger array of agnostics and atheists than almost anywhere in the United States, so it’s a spiritually resistant area.  We were launching a new church in a warehouse located at a busy intersection when our family suddenly began to receive obscene phone calls at home.  An anonymous caller continually left menacing messages taken from a Three Stooges short or a movie.

One time, the caller left a message taken from the soundtrack to the film The Poseidon Adventure.  Gene Hackman plays a minister trying to lead survivors out of a large ship that had capsized.  Ernest Borgnine’s character says to him at one point, “I’ve had just about enough out of you, preacher.”  That very quotation from the lips of Borgnine’s character was left on our machine!  When I consulted with Dr. Ed Murphy, a worldwide expert in spiritual warfare, he surmised that someone had put a curse on our church.

Dr. Murphy writes about this issue in The Handbook of Spiritual Warfare:

“Cursing is not used in the Old Testament with the Western idea of swearing or speaking dirty words.  Cursing in the Old Testament is a power concept meant to release negative spiritual power against the object, person, or place being cursed.  This is true even when God does the cursing.  In fact, most curse expressions in Scripture refer to God’s action or the action of His servants in accordance with His will.  It is God releasing His power or judgment.  That is why I call it negative spirit power even when activated by God.”[1]

Dr. Murphy continues:

“Many believers have been victims of the curses of the Enemy pronounced by the Enemy’s power workers…. Such curses, to be most powerful, are ‘worked up’ by invocations to the spirits and satanic magic.  They are overcome only by the greater power of God.  Sometimes God does not automatically overcome those curses on our behalf, however.  We are to learn the world of spirit power curses and break them ourselves.  Thus the importance of group spiritual warfare praying.”[2]

After our grand opening, our church quickly became the second largest Protestant church in our city, but we constantly sensed there were strong spiritual forces working against us.  When our warehouse church found itself between leases, the owner forced us to move out, and in the process, we lost one-third of our attendees overnight.  It was only then that I discovered that some illicit activities had been occurring at the intersection where our church was located.  The massage parlor diagonally across the intersection from us was the scene of a host of immoral sexual activity, and our immediate area had become a haven for drug dealers.  When our church moved into that warehouse, we were invading Satan’s territory.  No wonder he fought us so hard the whole time we were there!

Our church moved to a high school five miles away and I eventually scheduled a series of messages on controversial issues.  The night before I was scheduled to speak on A Christian View of Homosexuality, all hell broke loose in our home and church.  Without going into detail, the spiritual warfare I experienced before I gave that message was so real that I could almost smell sulfur – and I did give the message.  But I was so attacked the night before that I felt compelled to write a resignation letter because I sensed that my wife and I had become special targets of Satan.  While I never submitted the letter to the board, I resigned a few months later because, for the first and only time in our lives, our marriage had become severely strained due to events at church.

__________

There are several more stories in the book that discuss the spiritual warfare that new church experienced.  It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.  While I’ve sensed the influence of Satan at various junctures during my 36-year church career, the occasions I’ve just described represent the two worst attacks I’ve experienced.  Satan and his minions tend to leave pastors and churches alone when the mission is muddled, few people are converted, and the church fails to make inroads into the community.  But when a church penetrates the spiritual Red Zone – to use a football analogy – the evil one begins to target the quarterback (pastor) with blitzes and cheap shots designed to knock him out of the game … all the more reason why the quarterback needs a skilled and determined line to protect him.

This is a good time of year to remember that while Satan is real and powerful … our God is more powerful still.

Jesus gave Paul a mission in Acts 26:17-18.  It’s ours as well: “I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.”

Our Lord and Savior told Paul that Satan is real … that he has power … that he wants people to remain in spiritual darkness … that he wants people to wallow in an unforgiven state … but that he has already been defeated at the cross.

But we cannot defeat Satan by fighting each other.  Fellow believers are not the enemy.  The enemy is the enemy.

Let’s unite together and fight him instead.

      [1] Dr. Ed Murphy, Handbook of Spiritual Warfare (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1992), 442.

      [2] Ibid, 444.

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Three Questions About Church Coup

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, tagged , , , on May 10, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Of making many books there is no end … Ecclesiastes 12:13

Several years ago, a few days after leaving my last pastoral ministry, I spoke on the phone with a Christian attorney who was assisting me with some documentation.

During our conversation, I mentioned to him that I planned to write a book about the events surrounding my departure from the church.

He offered one short phrase in counsel: “Just make sure you tell the truth.”

With my recently-published book Church Coup, I did my best to tell the truth from my perspective.

Let me ask and answer three questions about the writing of the book:

1.  How did people react when you told them you were writing a book?

I received so many different reactions:

*Skepticism.  Most of us have a hard time believing that anyone we know would become a published author, so some people said, “That’s nice” or “Send me a copy when you’re done” – but they weren’t sure I’d ever finish.

However, because anyone can self-publish nowadays, that book can be published … you just have to pay for the privilege.

*Discouragement.  One Christian leader – whom I greatly admire – told me candidly that if I wrote a book on the forced termination of pastors, it wouldn’t sell.

To verify that, a Christian literary agent told me that a major Christian publisher turned down an offer by a bestselling Christian author to write a similar book years ago.  He also told me my book was too long.  (So I cut it from 450 pages to 290.)

*Competitiveness.  I told one Christian leader that I was writing a book … and he proceeded to tell me about a book he had written that sells 5,000 copies every year.

I liked the attitude of another leader better.  When I told him about my book, he told me about a book he had written about an issue in his family … and offered to give me one from the trunk of his car.

*Encouragement.  One Sunday morning at Christ’s Church of the Valley in Peoria, Arizona, my wife and I stopped after the service to chat with Dr. Mark Moore, who had just become the church’s teaching pastor.  When I told Dr. Moore about the book, he asked me to send him a copy when it was finished.  I felt inspired after talking with him.

But the greatest encouragement I’ve received came ten years ago from Dr. Archibald Hart from Fuller Seminary – one of my very few Christian heroes.  (I keep a framed copy of the comments he made on the post-seminar paper I submitted for his class.)  When I wrote in that paper that I felt compelled by God to write, he jotted down, “I’ll be praying that God will not release you from these commitments!”

What’s interesting to me is that many people from my previous church knew that I was writing a book – I announced it repeatedly for months  and even released a few excerpts on this blog – but no one ever asked me not to write anything.

2.  Why did you write on the forced termination of pastors?

*Because I felt compelled by God to write it.  Paul spent three years in the Arabian desert (Galatians 1:17-18).  I’m not sure what he did there or how he lived, but God used that time to prepare Paul for greater ministry.

In the same way, Church Coup was written almost exclusively in several desert locations.  The Lord gave me time to pray, reflect, and work in relative solitude.  I could not have written any book if I was still pastoring.

*Because I wanted to bring meaning to my father’s death.  There is a sense in which a particular church killed my father, who resigned his position as pastor in June 1965.  He died on February 9, 1967 – more than 46 years ago – after several months of suffering from pancreatic cancer.  He went through such a horrendous conflict in that church for two years that I believe the stress compromised his immune system.

My wife never met her father-in-law.  My kids never met their grandfather.  My sister barely remembers her own dad.  But I will never forget him … and I want what happened to him to help others, which is why Chapter 12 begins with his story.

*Because I’ve cared deeply about the forced termination of pastors for decades.  35 years ago, I served as youth pastor in a church in SoCal that voted their pastor out of office.  Although I was not integrally involved in the conflict, I was lobbied by both sides, and I watched in disbelief as Christians acted like the world they were supposedly trying to convert.

Since then, I’ve collected books on the topic, spent countless hours discussing the problem with pastoral colleagues (and anyone who would listen), and thought long and hard about how pastor-board/congregation impasses should be handled.  In fact, 25 years ago, a Christian attorney and I began writing an article on how these situations could be addressed in an optimal way.  While I still have the article, we never published it.

*Because I did my doctoral work on church antagonism.  I had already read scores of books and articles for my dissertation, so why not build on what I had already done?

*Because I wanted to give meaning to a conflict I experienced firsthand.  With my background and passion for the issue of forced termination, how could I not write about it when I went through the experience myself?  Through the years, God has uniquely prepared me to write about this single issue.  If I died today, at least I’ve left behind something that might help Christian leaders and churches in the future.

I’ve asked myself, “What have I learned by going through this crisis?  How can I help other pastors, governing leaders, and congregations?  How can we handle these tragedies in a more biblical manner?”

3.  What kind of reactions do you hope the book inspires?

Some people have already read the book and shared with me their feelings of anger, sadness, empathy, and horror.  I dare not try and program people’s responses, but my prayer is that readers might sense:

*Humility.  During a conflict, it’s okay to disagree with others.  It’s okay to hold firmly to a position.  But too many people in a conflict quickly demonize those who disagree with them … and that attitude leads to destruction.

Humility means there’s a possibility that I’m wrong … or that I may have exaggerated wrongdoing in others … or that I may have overreacted to protect my image or my feelings.

And more than anything, humility may mean that I need to break from the party line and admit, “I crossed some spiritual and moral lines during this conflict.  Please forgive me.”

I pray that all of us – including me – can say to the Lord, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way” (Psalm 139:23-24).

*Change.  In the book, I try and challenge some of the conventional wisdom about conflicts in churches when it doesn’t square with Scripture.

The old paradigm said that if a few people charged a pastor with wrongdoing – especially members of the church board – then the pastor should automatically resign to keep the church united.

But then I read that Jesus was accused of wrongdoing all the time, but He didn’t resign as Messiah.  And Paul was incessantly criticized by the church in Corinth, but he kept on serving faithfully.

In fact, while reading the Bible, I discovered that Moses, Jesus and Paul constantly responded to their critics and stayed in their positions rather than walking away from God’s call.

Of course, there is a time when a pastor should leave a church – and it’s not always when the pastor wants to go.  But if and when that ever happens, it must be handled in a Christian manner – with grace, truth, humility – and especially redemption.

And when people attempt to push out their pastor, they may not be doing the work of God.

*Wisdom.  I subtitled the book A Cautionary Tale so that the reader can learn from both the wise and foolish decisions that were made during the conflict.  And I quoted multiple times from the best congregational conflict experts possible.  Since there’s little in print on the issue of forced termination, I wanted to make a small contribution to the literature on the subject.

I’ve preached hundreds of sermons, many of them on cassettes that I’ve stuffed into boxes in my garage.  Nobody has ever asked to listen to even one of them.

But maybe through this book, the church of Jesus Christ can make some small headway in combatting this plague of forced termination in our churches.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.  Romans 14:19

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Introduction to the Book Church Coup, Finale

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Pastoral Termination, Personal Stories, tagged , , , on May 1, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Here is the second half of the introduction to my recently-published book Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict.  I sign all the books that are ordered from my website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org   You can also purchase the book from Amazon and other retailers.

__________

While there are fascinating studies on the forced termination of pastors, Christians need to hear more stories about this tragedy that happens behind closed doors.  Yet pastors are afraid that if they tell their stories publicly, they will look foolish, rehearse their pain, sully their reputations, and damage their chances for future employment. So except for rare forays into the light, the involuntary dismissal of hundreds of pastors every month has escaped the notice of most Christians.  Because most books on conflict are aimed at pastors and church leaders, my hope is to enlighten and empower lay people as well to ensure that conflicts involving pastors or staffers are handled in a just, deliberate, and biblical manner.

I may be violating some unwritten rule that says, “What happens in church stays in church.”  Wouldn’t it be better for our careers and mental health if my wife and I refused to look back, learned from our mistakes, kept our mouths shut, and advanced full-speed ahead?  But I believe it’s a greater evil to remain silent.  What kind of a New Testament would we have if Paul had been mute about the problems in Rome, Corinth, Galatia, Ephesus, Philippi, Thessalonica, Ephesus, and Crete?  We have learned so much from those churches and their blunders.

Part of me wants to travel back in time and prevent my father’s forced exit.  If I could help him with that situation, would he still be alive today?  Although that notion may be unrealistic, I have sensed God calling me for years to do something to limit (and even eliminate) the unchristian practices that are inherent in forcing an innocent pastor to leave a church.  Wouldn’t it advance the kingdom to prevent this tragedy from happening to other pastors and churches?

Let’s acknowledge that troubled pastors do exist. Some have character disorders or a narcissistic bent.  Others are control freaks.  A few are lazy.  Some can even be tyrants.  There are pastors who should be terminated – and even leave pastoral ministry altogether.  But Alan Klaas, who investigated the causes of pastoral ousters in different Christian denominations, concluded that in 45 percent of the cases, a minority faction caused the pastor to leave, while “only seven percent of the time was the cause the personal misconduct of the minister.”[iii]

I have written this book with three purposes in mind.  First, I want to share my side of a conflict as forthrightly as I can.  Several weeks after the conflict surfaced, I sat in two public meetings and did not respond to any of the charges leveled against me.  Three years later, I am able to articulate my responses with greater perspective.  Others have differing views as to what happened, and that’s fine.  This is not the final version of what happened in 2009, but my version as I experienced it.  While the conflict occurred, I took careful notes, generated and received scores of emails, interacted with key players, and interviewed congregational experts.

Next, I want to seek redemption for what we’ve experienced.  Rick Warren says that our greatest ministries emerge from our greatest sufferings:

“God intentionally allows you to go through painful experiences to equip you for ministry to others . . . . The very experiences that you have resented or regretted most in life – the ones you’ve wanted to hide and forget – are the experiences God wants to use to help others.  They are your ministry!  For God to use your painful experiences, you must be willing to share them.  You have to stop covering them up, and you must honestly admit your faults, failures, and fears.  Doing this will probably be your most effective ministry.”[iv]

While my wife and I are unimportant in the larger Christian community, maybe our willingness to share honestly about a painful experience will turn out to be our “most effective ministry.”

Finally, I want to prevent these kinds of conflicts from happening altogether.  My prayer is that by reducing the fifty-day conflict to slow motion, God’s people will be able to identify key junctures and learn from both the wise – and foolish – decisions that were made.  I also pray that believers will institute safeguards so that a similar conflict won’t invade their churches.

It is not my intent to seek revenge on those who hurt us.  Although it took time, my wife and I have forgiven them and wish them God’s best in the days ahead.  But for this story to help others, it must be reported with authenticity and emotion.  My goal is to let believers know how quickly a conflict can spiral out of control and to recommend ways to handle matters that go against our feelings but are consistent with Scripture.

Because I come from a tradition where mostly men are considered for ordination, I will use terms that reflect that reality, although I greatly value the contributions women make in ministry.

Except for members of my immediate family, I have used aliases throughout this book to protect the identity of the individuals involved. I have also avoided naming my former community or church – but all the events related in this story are real to my knowledge.

May God use this book to help his people treat pastors and staff members with greater dignity and respect so they can serve him passionately and productively until Christ returns.

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Introduction to the Book Church Coup

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Pastoral Termination, Personal Stories, tagged , , , on April 29, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Over the course of many months, I’ve posted a few excerpts on the blog from my new book Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict.

Since the book has now been published, I thought I’d post a few more excerpts.  The following is from the book’s introduction (with the formatting altered).

____________________

Did you know that hundreds of pastors are forced to leave their churches every month?

Christians rightly lament the persecution of believers worldwide, but they are being terrorized by secular authorities or religious extremists.  But in far too many cases, pastors and their families are being mistreated in local assemblies by their spiritual brothers and sisters – and the toll keeps escalating.

If a group in a church attacks their pastor and he is forced to resign, the consequences are tragic for everyone involved. The pastor may leave church ministry for good. That church’s reputation will be sullied.  Some believers will flee their church.  Friendships will end.  Outreach will stop cold.  And the evil one will dance.  I’ve seen it all my life.

When I was a boy, my father felt pressured to resign as pastor from a church he founded, even though he was innocent of any major offense.  He died twenty months later at age thirty-eight, leaving behind a homemaker wife who didn’t drive, two sons (ages thirteen and ten), and a five-year-old daughter who has only vague recollections of the father she lost.

During the ensuing years, the pastors of the churches I attended were subjected to similar pressures.  In my early teens, one pastor abruptly resigned in the middle of a church meeting.  My next pastor was forced to resign after five years of ministry.  In my second staff position, the pastor was voted out of office in another contentious public meeting.  And in my next staff position, the pastor was verbally threatened until he lost the will to serve.

When I became a rookie pastor, I learned that my predecessor had been forced from office after just one year of ministry.  When our church merged with a sister church two years later, the other church’s pastor was forced to leave.  Five years after the merger, a disgruntled churchgoer formed an alliance with a faction inside that church and pressured me to resign – but the board stood by me and that group left to form their own church nearby.

The next decade went so well that I hoped that I’d finally outlasted any ecclesiastical opponents. And after becoming the pastor of an impactful church entering the millennium, I entered the Doctor of Ministry program at Fuller Seminary and wrote my dissertation on dealing with church antagonists using a biblical model informed by family systems theory. After studying how powerbrokers operate in a church, I thought I had finally come to a place where peace and understanding reigned.  But sadly, I was mistaken.

In the autumn of 2009, after my wife and I returned from a mission trip to Eastern Europe, our church’s governing leaders stunned us by making drastic decisions.  Seven weeks later, I resigned as pastor because too many people believed a litany of false allegations.  We were not guilty of heresies, immoralities, illegalities, or any major offenses.  While we both had made minor mistakes in our ministries, we were treated like we had committed ecclesiastical felonies.

As I have related our story to family, friends, and colleagues, I have learned how frequently this kind of situation is replicated in local churches.  While there are unique features to our story, the template for forcing pastors from their positions has remained the same for decades, if not centuries.  Forced exits have become so common in American churches that Rediger writes:

“Abuse of pastors by congregations and the breakdown of pastors due to inadequate support are now tragic realities. This worst-case scenario for the church, one that is increasing in epidemic proportions, is not a misinterpretation by a few discontented clergy.  Rather, it is a phenomenon that is verified by both research and experience.”[i]

Guy Greenfield, who was forced out of his position as pastor in his early sixties, comments:

“This problem is a growing phenomenon. Numerous publications of observations and research indicate that it is in fact a major problem approaching crisis proportions.  Talk to any group of ministers, and you will hear stories of tragedy and heartache. In recent years I have interviewed a considerable number of former ministers, now in secular work, and nearly everyone I talked with told me a similar story that resulted in forced termination. Many of them are now cynical, bitter, angry, and discouraged. Most tell me they will never return to a full-time paid church position.  Their wounds continue to be painful.”[ii]

While pastors have always faced the possibility of forced termination, the problem has been growing steadily worse, which is why wounded pastors are flocking to specialized ministries that offer professional assessments, intensive counseling, and peaceful retreats.

For the past three years, my wife and I have been living hundreds of miles from the church we once joyfully served.  We’ve asked ourselves, “How did we get here?  Why did we lose so many friends so quickly?  What did we do to contribute to our exile?”  What’s ironic is that I possess a good-sized library on managing and resolving church conflict, and I think I understand the field fairly well.  Yet part of me continues to engage in self-reproach because I didn’t see the conflict coming – and neither did our church family.  The whole experience still seems surreal.

___________________

I’ll share the other half of the introduction next time.  If you’d like to purchase the book, you can obtain a signed copy from my website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org or you can spend a little less and secure the paperback or e-book at Amazon’s website at http://www.amazon.com/Church-Coup-Jim-Meyer/dp/1624199321/ref=dp_wl_cart1?ie=UTF8&colid=EWNKS64TGXCT&coliid=IN8XJYN9467QW

Thank you!

[i] G. Lloyd Rediger, Clergy Killers: Guidance for Pastors and Congregations under Attack (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 1997), 1.

[ii] Guy Greenfield, The Wounded Minister: Healing from and Preventing Personal Attacks (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2001), 15.

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Why I Wrote a Book

Posted in About Restoring Kingdom Builders, Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Pastoral Termination, Personal Stories, tagged , , , , on April 25, 2013| 5 Comments »

Over the past 3 years, I’ve been writing a book on a devastating 50-day conflict that my wife and I experienced in our last church ministry.

The book has now been published by Xulon Press and is titled Church Coup: A Cautionary Tale of Congregational Conflict.

The book is 291 pages long, contains 14 chapters, and has more than 150 endnotes.

Why did it take 3 years?

*Because I wrote 450 pages and had to pare it down.  (You can’t share everything that happened or the book would become unreadable.)

*Because I chose to edit the book myself … and that took twice as long as writing it.

*Because this may be my only shot at writing a book … and I wanted to get it right.

*Because I hoped that the longer I waited, the less painful the recounting of the story would be for everyone involved.

While the first nine chapters are a narrative describing the conflict, the last five chapters analyze what happened and place it in its larger context in the Christian community.

There are models for books like this, such as The Wounded Minister by Guy Greenfield, Too Great a Temptation by Joel Gregory, Why I Stayed by Gayle Haggard, Crying on Sunday by Elaine Onley, as well as the classic Clergy Killers by the late G. Lloyd Rediger.

When I wrote my doctoral dissertation on church antagonism informed by family systems theory, my professional editor could not believe that these kinds of conflicts happen in churches.  Pastors know they occur, as do denominational executives and parachurch leaders, but the average Christian remains unaware of how conflicts begin and are perpetuated.

While pastors and governing boards will profit from the book, I wrote it primarily for lay people, which is why I chose to tell a story.  In fact, I believe that lay people hold the key to preventing and resolving these kinds of conflicts, even when they occur behind closed doors.

Let me make four observations about the book:

It’s personal.  The book is my attempt to share what a pastor goes through when a small minority targets him for removal.  I’m in a unique position to do this because I’ve seen pastors treated this way all my life, starting with my father, who died less than two years after he was forced to resign due to a major conflict in a church he planted.

It’s not possible to lead a large volunteer organization without making occasional missteps, which is why I wrote a chapter called, “Mistakes I Made.”  But I contend that any errors I made were minor and resolvable.  I was not guilty of any major offense and should have been protected against the accusations made against me.

However, some people collected several minor offenses, embellished them, exaggerated their importance, and then accused me of all kinds of wrongdoing.  They chose to elevate their personal agenda over the desires of 95% of the congregation . . . the epitome of selfishness.

While I answer some charges in the book, most could easily have been cleared up if people had simply spoken with me in person.

It’s emotional.  From the beginning, I intended to write a raw book, but after letting some professionals review it, I made modifications.

Because the book rehearses how the conflict affected my wife and me emotionally, there’s a lot of pain involved, which several endorsers noted.  Maybe someday the pain will subside, but from what I understand, it probably never will . . . and not just for us.

That’s why I’ve subtitled the book A Cautionary Tale.  There are lessons we can learn from pain that can’t be learned any other way.

At the eleventh hour, I felt like scrubbing the whole project, but my family cheered me forward.  Why put all that effort into a book and then discard it?  Because I truly don’t wish to hurt anyone or reopen any old wounds.

But if you write about the crucifixion, you have to talk about Pilate, and Caiaphas, and the Sanhedrin, and Peter’s denials, and Judas’ betrayal.  There’s no way around it.

So I tried to put as much distance between me and those who attacked me as possible.  I don’t name the church or its community, and I give aliases to those who were integrally involved in the conflict.  Whenever I could advance the narrative without mentioning people by name, I did, and as often as possible, I attribute actions and decisions to groups rather than individuals.

In addition, I purposely tried not to attack anyone either personally or professionally.  While I vehemently disagreed with many decisions that were made, I try to express myself with grace.

A major conflict surfaces a range of feelings that you can’t conceal.  Before and during Jesus’ crucifixion, He experienced sorrow, depression, agony, abandonment, betrayal, and shock.

In the same way – but to a far lesser degree – there is no way to tell this story without relating strong emotions, especially outrage.  Since I’m a thinker more than a feeler, my account is usually restrained – but not always.

It’s prescriptive.  At the end of each of the first 11 chapters, I offer suggestions as to how to prevent these kinds of conflicts from happening in churches.  I offer counsel to pastors, governing leaders, and lay people alike.  The book is not so much a “look how much I suffered” lament as it is an attempt to point out mistakes that were made to help Christian leaders and churches handle these situations better in the future.

Paul wrote letters to 7 churches and 2 ministry leaders in the New Testament.  His letters to Timothy and Titus were for their eyes only.  But books like Romans and 1 and 2 Corinthians and Ephesians and Colossians were written to congregations and intended to be read aloud to affect the behavior of entire assemblies . . . and Paul often instructs them concerning how to handle the conflicts in their midst.

There’s so little in print on dealing with these challenges.  So the book’s last chapter deals with the problem of pastoral termination.  I offer prescriptions for eradicating this plague that causes at least 1,500 pastors per month to leave church ministry . . . often for good.

It’s redemptive.  While God did not cause this conflict, He did permit it.  After Joseph encountered his brothers in Egypt, he told them, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.”

Much of my ministry in the days to come will be focused on helping congregations prevent these kinds of conflicts.  They are inherently destructive to churches, pastors, boards, and churchgoers alike.  (In fact, there isn’t one instance in the New Testament where churchgoers try to destroy one of their leaders.)

In my introduction, I quote Rick Warren – who is going through his own period of suffering right now – from his bestseller The Purpose Driven Life:

“God intentionally allows you to go through painful experiences to equip you for ministry to others . . . . The very experiences that you have resented or regretted most in life – the ones you’ve wanted to hide and forget – are the experiences God wants to use to help others. They are your ministry! For God to use your painful experiences, you must be willing to share them. You have to stop covering them up, and you must honestly admit your faults, failures, and fears. Doing this will probably be your most effective ministry.”

This book is my attempt to carry out Rick’s words.  In fact, I felt that God was compelling me to write it.

If you’d like to buy Church Coup, you can order it at our website at www.restoringkingdombuilders.org

And if you find the book helpful, I’d appreciate it if you would tell others about it.

May God richly bless you, and remember the wisdom of Romans 12:18:

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

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On the Road to Redemption

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Personal Stories on October 24, 2012| 13 Comments »

Today is an important day in my life.

I uploaded my book manuscript today to the publisher.

Every year, I remember the birthdates of family and friends.

Every year, I remember the anniversary of my father’s death.

And from now until the day I die, I will remember October 24, 2009.

Because on that day, my life and ministry … and the life and ministry of my wife … changed forever.

And that’s what my book is all about.

I’ve spent more than 30 months working on my book.  Over the past month, I’ve been getting up most mornings around 5 am to finish it.

I’ve told friends and family that “I’m just about done” so many times that they’ve stopped taking me seriously.

When I write articles for this blog … and I’ve written 230 of them so far … I can go back and change some wording any time I want.

But when you write a book, and have it published, it’s permanent.  You get an ISBN number.  It goes to the Library of Congress.

Worst of all for a perfectionist, you can’t change the text after it’s published.

But I’m getting sick of it.  It’s become an unwelcome intruder into my brain and my marriage … and my sleep patterns.

Besides, I can’t write another book until I get this one out of my life.  (I’m writing a simple e-book next time.)

Here’s what I wrote as a summary of the book for the back cover:

Conflict in churches has reached epidemic levels.  With 1,500 pastors leaving the ministry every month – many being forced to leave – Jesus’ church is increasingly losing trained, impactful leaders.  These conflicts damage pastors, their families, and congregations alike.  While many Christian leaders are aware of this issue, most have chosen to maintain silence rather than combat this problem.  Church Coup is the firsthand account of a pastor who experienced a devastating conflict and who exposes why such tragedies occur while suggesting biblical, concrete solutions for their resolution.

The book should be out before Christmas, if not sooner.  I’ll let you know when I have a publishing date.

Please pray for the book’s success.  I already know it’s not going to be a million-seller … after all, there isn’t any murder or sex in it … and the average Christian book sells less than a hundred copies.

So I already expect to visit a Christian bookstore someday and see a remainder mark on the book while it’s baking in the sun on the discount table outside.  (I’ll never get a job in marketing.)

But before that happens, I pray it does some good.

Three years ago, my wife and I experienced confusion, anger, and shame.

Today, we experience clarity, calm, and redemption.

And redemption is a beautiful word.

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Book Excerpt: What Happens to Clergy Killers? Part 2

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , on August 3, 2012| 3 Comments »

This article is the second half of the answer to the question, “What happens to clergy killers?”  In other words, when a group attacks and consequently “takes out” a pastor, how do the people of the average church respond to such an attack on their minister?

The answer might surprise you.  Here’s part two from my upcoming book:

In some situations, mature Christians hang around to see if church leaders will correct the instigators. But if nothing happens after a while, these believers may leave the church permanently, especially if they see the perpetrators serving in visible positions. During such conflicts, a church is going to lose somebody. Isn’t it better to lose divisive people than mature believers?  Anderson comments, “The result is that the church keeps the dissenters and loses the happy, healthy people to other churches. Most healthy Christians have a time limit and a tolerance level for unchristian and unhealthy attitudes and behaviors.”[i]

I had a conversation recently with a Christian man.  We were discussing what should be done (if anything) to churchgoers who join forces to push out their pastor.  This man believes that a church should remain passive toward perpetrators because God will eventually punish them.  He told me about an associate pastor who engineered the ouster of his senior pastor.  The associate later contracted cancer and his wife died a horrible death.  Christians don’t need to address the perpetrators, he said, because “God’ll get ‘em.”

It is true that God may get them.  The law of sowing and reaping still applies in this life (Galatians 6:7) and God promises to repay us all according to our deeds in the next life (2 Corinthians 5:10).  There are cases in the New Testament where God executed swift punishment against professing believers like Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11) and staunch unbelievers like King Herod (Acts 12:19-23). Most pastors can tell stories about the eventual demise of attendees turned into attackers.  For example, a man who led an attack on one of my pastors died of a heart attack the day he was moving out-of-state.  While God may not “take out” every perpetrator, how are twenty-first century believers to interpret all the biblical admonitions to confront divisive individuals in a local church?  Have God’s words now become irrelevant?

When I was a rookie church staff member, I witnessed an event that I have never forgotten.  A few hours before a Sunday evening service, the elders met to discuss what to do about three church leaders who were involved in sexual immorality.  I watched as the door to the pastor’s study swung open and various elders piled into cars to drive to the homes of those leaders and confront them. The serious looks on the leaders’ faces told a story – they didn’t sign up for this – but to their credit, they did it.  Eventually, one offending leader made a public apology (without naming his sin) but all three families affected chose to leave the church.

Where is the courage today that those elders displayed?

        [i] Leith Anderson, Leadership That Works: Hope and Direction for Church and Parachurch Leaders in Today’s Complex World (Minneapolis: Bethany House Publishers, 1999), 31.

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Book Excerpt: What Happens to Clergy Killers? Part 1

Posted in Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Personal Stories, tagged , , on July 30, 2012| 9 Comments »

It’s been a while since I’ve presented an excerpt to my upcoming book, which should be published in September or October.  The book is a real-life story about a group of people who joined forces to force a pastor to resign … using any and all means at their disposal.

The last chapter of the book presents FAQs on this kind of conflict.  In most churches, there are churchgoers who know which perpetrators have launched an attack on their pastor … but to keep their friendship, they usually remain silent.

I’ll divide this question into two parts.  Here’s the first part:

What usually happens to the perpetrators?

Realistically?  Nothing.  Biblically, however, perpetrators must be corrected before they strike again. This can be done by staff members, the governing board, or deputized members.  However, if a transitional/interim pastor is hired after the pastor’s departure, he may have to oversee this thankless task.  (Some transitional pastors are trained to deal with powerbrokers and request absolute authority before being hired.)  Unrepentant individuals who target their pastor sense they are immune from correction and feel free to use the same template with the next pastor.  However, in such situations:

Peace mongering is common. With tranquility and stability reigning as premium values, congregational leaders adapt to their most recalcitrant and immature people, allowing them to use threats and tantrums as levers of influence. Malcontents’ complaints never seem to cease. Unwilling to confront the constant critic, leaders set the table for the unhappy souls to have a movable feast of anxiety.  By appeasing rather than opposing, leaders give control to reactive forces.  Feed them once and leaders can be sure they will be back for more.[i]

As far as I know, no one took action against any non-board perpetrators in our situation.  My counsel to any successor is, “Watch your back.  They know the template.”  Trull and Carter note:

Generally speaking, an incoming minister does not need to fear those who speak well of the predecessor. Those who loved, appreciated, respected, and supported the former minister will likely do the same with the new minister.  The church member of whom the minister should be wary is the one who speaks ill of the previous minister. Those who criticize, find fault with, and express disappointment in the former minister will probably react to the new minister in the same way over time.[ii]

I have to confess, this really bothers me.  For decades, pastors have been told that whenever there’s a major conflict in a church they’re leading, they need to resign to keep the church intact. But why should the pastor leave while those who initiated the conflict are permitted to stay?  I suppose it’s easier to remove one person than many.  And spiritually-speaking, the shepherd lays down his life for the sheep, just as Jesus did (John 10:14-15).  But why don’t God’s people band together and ask the perpetrators to leave as well?  If the pastor can find another church, they can find another church – and it’s much easier for them than for him. I saw the highlights of a basketball game in which both players involved in a fight were instantly removed from the game.  Why doesn’t this happen in churches?  Aren’t we rewarding people for their divisiveness without expecting them to change?

If I was a layman and my pastor was pushed out by non-board antagonists, I’d approach a board member and say, “If you confront those who perpetrated this conflict, I will stay in this church.  But if you don’t deal with them, I will leave and find a church where they take Scripture seriously. And if anybody asks why I left, I will feel obligated to tell them.” While this may sound harsh, how can church leaders take no action against those who have driven out their minister?  Steinke writes:

In congregations, boundary violators too often are given a long rope because others refuse to confront the trespassers. When boundaries are inappropriately crossed and people are harmed, no one wants to name the violation.  It’s as if the disturbance of the group’s serenity is a greater offense than the viral-like behavior.  Boundary violators go unattended and suffer no consequences . . . . The lack of attention only enables the repetition of the invasive behavior.[iii]

Your thoughts?

        [i] Steinke, Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, 102.

        [ii] Trull and Carter, Ministerial Ethics, 129.

        [iii] Steinke, Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, 85.

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Book Excerpt: Combatting Forced Terminations

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with the Pastor, Fighting Evil, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment! on March 2, 2012| 2 Comments »

I’ve been working for more than two years on a book about the unjust ways that many pastors are treated in our day.  The estimate is that 1,300 pastors per month are involuntarily terminated.

I have five small tasks to finish before the book is complete.

Here’s an excerpt:

Why aren’t Christians doing more to combat the forced termination of pastors?

I’m weary of the excuses that Christians use as to why we won’t do more about this issue:

”We need to preserve the autonomy of the local church.”  Of course, but at the very least, we can tell stories, train leaders, expose the template, and teach believers how to deal with pastoral antagonists.  The article “If You Must Terminate a Pastor” on my blog has been viewed hundreds of times (three-and-a-half times more than any other article), an indication that many board members and lay people want help with this topic.

”Pastors must expect to suffer like Jesus.”  We’ve been told we’re going to suffer since seminary, but we had no idea that attacks from fellow Christians could be so vicious.  Besides, Jesus was crucified by religious and political enemies, not by His disciples.  While His men fled when He needed them most, they didn’t drive the nails into His hands.  Jesus was betrayed by only one follower, but pastors are routinely betrayed by staff members, board members, predecessors, and denominational personnel – and sometimes, they work in concert.

”We need to maintain confidentiality about forced exits.”  This is a church wide problem, cutting across all denominations and theologies.  This plea for confidentiality is nothing more than a cover-up for our incompetence in preventing and managing these tragedies – and is exactly what Satan wants.  When professing Christians abuse and batter clergy, and pastors try to talk about it, we rush to hush them up in the name of unity.  But isn’t this the same tactic abusive husbands use with their wives?  What would happen if we still couldn’t talk about that problem?

“Shedding light on this issue is poor marketing for the Christian faith.”  But if we can make progress in alleviating this problem, wouldn’t the image of many churches improve?  Let’s learn our lessons and brainstorm solutions so these conflicts don’t become so destructive.

I’d like to find just a few Christians who are outraged at the way pastors are mistreated today.  In Matthew 23:33-35, Jesus was still outraged at the way God’s leaders had been treated by religious people throughout Jewish history:

“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?  Therefore I am sending you prophets and wise men and teachers.  Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town.  And so upon you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar.”

Jesus stood alone in condemning these past injustices committed against God’s servants.

Where are His descendants today?

What do you think we can do to eradicate this plague on Christ’s churches?

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Book Excerpt: Signs that Conflict is Brewing

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with the Pastor on November 9, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Here is an excerpt from my upcoming book on church conflict:

What are the signals that conflict may erupt in a church?

Christian leaders wish they could detect the early warning signs that conflict is ready to break out, but precursors to organizational conflict are not easy to identify with accuracy.  However, some church consultants believe that the initial indicator that antagonism may be brewing is the surfacing of complaints.  While every church has its share of unhappy adherents, a larger than normal quantity of complaints to and about its leaders may provide early warning signs.

The Bible contains many accounts of people murmuring against authority.  The Israelites grumbled about Moses and Aaron in the desert (Exodus 16:6-8).  The Pharisees and scribes complained that Jesus received tax collectors and sinners (Luke 15:2).  False teachers in the early Church were called “grumblers and faultfinders” (Jude 16).  People often resort to griping when they feel they cannot control their circumstances.

Sometimes frustrated individuals complain anonymously, which is never healthy for an organization because such protests cannot be weighed or answered.  People who carry grievances need to be willing to be quoted with their name attached, but it is even better to help the person share any concerns with those who can act upon them.  Most church leaders refuse to even read anonymous notes, although they sometimes make valid points.

Peter Steinke observes that anxiety is similar to a bodily virus in that it needs a host cell to replicate itself.  All forms of murmuring require the reinforcement of a host cell or cells to spread.  Four viruses, in particular, can turn a congregation into a “hot zone”: “The viruses are secrets (gossiping, whispering), accusations (blaming, faultfinding), lies (deceiving), and triangulation (shifting burdens elsewhere).”  The complaints can be about anything: the pastor’s sermons, the upkeep of the church property, the children of a staff member, or the music in a worship service.

Some people nitpick so often that others identify them as complainers who use whining as their primary way of relating to others.  Complainers expect that their grievances will be made right.  They can even put a church’s leaders on the defensive and make them feel guilty.  If a pastor or board can identify whether the flow of complaints are normal or abnormal, they can respond appropriately to address discomfort in the congregation.  However, often it is difficult to assess matters accurately.

A second signal that conflict may be beginning is reduced participation on the part of attendees.  Faithful individuals suddenly stop attending worship services on a regular basis.  People who enjoy serving God abruptly pull back from their ministry commitments.  Believers who have donated to the church cheerfully suddenly withhold their financial giving.  When this occurs among a handful of individuals, it is not cause for alarm, but a decline in overall attendance can be a foreboding sign.  Shelley and Robert Moeller believe that “some dropping out, however, is premature.  Some members don’t challenge the system enough to give it a chance to respond better to their needs.  Sometimes they drop out because they feel helpless to change or challenge the system.”  Richardson calls this behavior “emotional distancing.”  Frustrated believers may take this stance when they do not know what else to do, while other times they use withdrawal as the ultimate trump card in a power struggle and threaten to leave the church if they are unable to have their way.

A further signal that conflict could be building in a church is the formation of coalitions.  Individuals who have complaints against a church’s top leaders often find one another and band together.  Sometimes a coalition revolves around a cause, while other times people join such a group merely because their friends do.  While pastors become accustomed to complaints and do not lose much sleep over the reduced participation of a few people, the formation of coalitions alarms them because such groups easily can become divisive on a larger scale.  When a few random complainers pool their gripes, the result can be both toxic and explosive to a church family.  The great majority of the time, groups meet in secret to build a case, usually against the pastor.

Certainly Paul the apostle was familiar with the concept of coalitions when he chided the congregation at Corinth for the splitting of their church into various factions: “What I mean is this: One of you says, ‘I follow Paul’; another, ‘I follow Apollos’; another, ‘I follow Cephas’; still another, ‘I follow Christ.’”

Finally, when anxiety in a congregation is high, conflict will be high as well.  It is the job of church leaders to do all they can to reduce anxiety, which in turn should reduce the level of conflict.  Leaders do this through their own calm presence and by communicating honestly and often with the congregation.  But if the pastor is wounded and the board is plotting behind-the-scenes, neither party is likely to speak to the congregation, resulting in the problem only growing worse.

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