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Seven Warning Signs a Pastor is in Trouble

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged antagonism against the pastor, factions that oppose the pastor, opposition to the pastor, pastoral termination, staff resistance and rebellion against the pastor on August 8, 2016| Leave a Comment »

When a pastor is forced out of his position – either by the official board or by a church faction – he is often blindsided.

If it’s the board, they demand that he resign immediately, or else be fired.

If it’s a faction, they lack the authority to terminate him unilaterally, so they make demands – like threatening to leave the church or withhold their giving – unless the pastor quits.

When a pastor is ambushed, it feels like a form of betrayal, and it usually is. Many pastors have shared with me how devastated they were when they were surprised by leaders they trusted.

But in retrospect, there are usually warning signs of trouble ahead that the pastor missed, either because he didn’t want to see them or because his mind was focused instead on ministry objectives.

Let me share with you seven warning signs that a pastor is in trouble … and these come from my own experience:

First, the pastor stops hearing that he’s doing a good job.

Early in my ministry in my last church, people told me all the time what a great job I was doing. I remember one man who lobbied to get on the church board just so he could raise my salary. At times, the praise was almost embarrassing.

But toward the end of my tenure in that church, I heard almost nothing positive about my ministry. For weeks, nobody told me that they appreciated any of my sermons, which was unprecedented in my ministry there.

The lack of positive comments negatively affected my morale. Although I was trying to serve God … not just people … I liked knowing that I was effective, and when I didn’t hear anything, I wondered if I should continue.

Second, the pastor notices heightened attempts to control his ministry.

In my last ministry, I worked in collaboration with the church board for about 90% of my tenure. I didn’t tell the board what to do, and they didn’t tell me what to do. We had a great working relationship. They trusted me … I trusted them … and that’s how it had always been over my entire 36-year ministry career.

But over my last year, the board stopped trusting me, and I stopped trusting them. They starting micromanaging the money and, by extension, the ministry, and began making unilateral decisions outside of meetings and imposing them on me inside of meetings.

I’m sure that in their minds, they were just taking their responsibilities seriously, but they weren’t collaborating with me in any meaningful way, which I resented. It’s like I wasn’t even there.

When the board starts micromanaging the pastor’s time … or his expenses … or the church calendar … or a budget that’s already been approved … the board is trying to control the pastor … and this may mean that the ultimate control weapon – the pastor’s ouster – may be just around the corner.

Third, the pastor discovers that people who haven’t been friends are becoming friends.

This was something that my wife noticed more than me. She told me that board members who barely knew each other at the beginning of the year were now hanging out together socially and using affectionate terms like “bro.”

I knew the source of some of these friendships – a Bible study for men that met at the church on Monday evenings.

That same night, I always met with our programming team – the group that planned the worship services. On occasion, I’d walk upstairs and ask one of the men in the study if he could participate in a future service.

Looking back, many of the men who conspired to take me out were in that Bible study. I am not saying they used their time to plot my demise. I am saying that the study helped them form a bond that made it easier for them to run me out.

Fourth, the pastor experiences more external opposition than ever before.

I remember performing a wedding for a couple outside the church at a seaside resort and investing 32 hours of my time in that endeavor. Yet for the first time in my ministry career, I didn’t receive an honorarium … and I am positive the DJ, wedding hostess, resort, and caterer were not financially stiffed.

I also conducted a memorial service for an elderly man in our church who had died. I met with his daughter and told her I’d be doing the same kind of service I had done years before for her mother, and she approved. But ten days after the service, the daughter’s husband called and reamed me out for preaching the gospel in my own church and demanded that I apologize to him for doing so … which, of course, I didn’t do.

I remember asking myself, “What is in the air right now? It’s open season on me.” It’s like people weren’t praying for me anymore and that Satan was able to attack me directly.

Fifth, the pastor experiences more internal opposition than ever before.

There was a lady in our church I had known for years, and she asked if her son could be married in our worship center.

Even though our worship center was just a few years old, I had only conducted two weddings there, and they were both on the small side.

If someone was going to be married inside our worship center, I wanted to make sure that the couple were both Christians and that the wedding would be performed by an evangelical minister.

This lady told me that her son was a Christian, and that a pastor from out-of-town would be conducting the ceremony.

Since this was to be our first large-scale wedding in the worship center, I consulted with the associate pastor on this matter. Since I was going away on vacation, I asked him to verify that the couple were both Christians and that the pastor was an evangelical and, if everything checked out, to contact the future groom’s mother with our approval.

When I returned from my trip, the associate unilaterally cancelled the wedding without verifying anything.

The lady from our church … who was normally a very calm and pleasant individual … wrote me a blistering email of condemnation (evidently wedding invitations were being printed) … and I took the hit without ever revealing the decision by the associate pastor.

Knowing her contacts inside the church, I’m sure that my name was dragged through the mud for weeks.

Sixth, the pastor notices staff members becoming resistant and rebellious.

I was a staff member in five different churches, and I know how much it meant when the pastor trusted me to do my job and wasn’t always trying to micromanage me.

So that’s how I tried to treat members of the church staff … and at one time, we had as many as ten in my last church.

I inherited four staff members from my predecessor … I kept them all on … and I eventually had trouble with three of them.

I met with them regularly as individuals. We had a weekly staff meeting. I was always available for consultation or support.

But the word began to circulate among the staff, “If you’re having any trouble with Jim, just talk to the church’s founding pastor.”

And when those staff members did, they become resistant and rebellious.

We only fired one of them, but several others should have been fired because their actions declared, “I don’t have to listen to you anymore.”

Near the end, I was talking one day with a staff member who became angry and started accusing me of “coddling people” who weren’t Christians. It was totally unlike him … but I found out later that he was in contact with my predecessor … someone he had never met when he was hired.

When staff members and board members plot against the pastor, he doesn’t want to believe it … but it’s often a sure sign that both groups want more power … and that the pastor must go if they’re to gain it.

Finally, the pastor senses that church leaders no longer support the church’s mission.

I believe strongly in Jesus’ Great Commission to “make disciples of all the nations.” His charter for us isn’t to increase attendance … add people to the membership rolls … get people to join a denomination … or steal sheep from other churches.

Jesus’ charter is for His people to bring people to Christ … to baptize them … and to teach them from His Word … and that means learning how to share Christ with unbelievers and to bring them to your church.

Regardless of what they say, God’s people almost always want their church to be a place where their needs and the needs of their family are met … and yet the only way to win many unbelievers to Christ is to put their needs ahead of the needs of church members.

I had worked hard over the years to help our church become outreach-oriented – and the church board had always complied – but the last board I worked with didn’t support that mission … and I could give countless examples.

When the mission becomes about “us” rather than “those without Christ,” the pastor’s effectiveness will be limited … and he may be through.

I’ve listed seven signs that a pastor is in trouble, and I could have listed many more.

What signs have you seen?

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Showdown at the Denominational Convention

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged antagonism toward pastors, church politics, denominational support of pastors, denominations and church conflict, denominations and pastoral termination, pastoral termination on June 2, 2016| 4 Comments »

This past weekend, while doing some work around the house, I was plagued by some ministry memories I thought I had long forgotten.

But the more I tried to push them down, the more they flooded my soul, and the only way I know to be rid of them is to write them down and share them.

So here goes …

Nearly 30 years ago, I pastored a church in Santa Clara, California … the heart of Silicon Valley, south of the San Francisco Bay.

Early in 1988, my all-time worst antagonist … a man I’ll call Bob … had returned to the church after a year’s absence. He ended up leading a rebellion against me for two primary reasons: he and his wife didn’t like our change in worship music (which the board unanimously supported) and some of the seniors griped to Bob that I didn’t care about them (if you knew them, you’d understand).

About twenty percent of the congregation ended up following Bob out of our church.

Rather than attend existing churches in the area, those refugees formed their own congregation in a school about a mile from our property … and used our church as their sole mission field.

A pastor who had left his church due to moral failure ended up doing a lot of guest speaking at that new church.

Even though their attendance was meager, Bob contacted the district minister with the stated goal of having his new church admitted both into the district and the denomination.

When I found out about Bob’s intent, I told the district minister, “If you recognize that renegade church, we will pull our church out of the district.”

And I meant it.

It just so happened that the denomination’s annual meetings were being held at the new Santa Clara Convention Center that June … just a few miles from our church … and my wife Kim had volunteered to lead the early childhood program.

I chose to serve with my wife and to help with her program for the upcoming annual meetings.

The festivities opened on a Wednesday night, and the facilities were spectacular. The early childhood program was located on the second floor, and that’s where I stayed that first night.

But someone quickly brought me some bad news.

Bob was in the lobby of the convention center handing out literature to pastors and delegates inviting them to his new church!

This was a complete breach of protocol. It just wasn’t done. The meetings were all about churches as a whole, not any one church in particular. Nobody went to the annual meetings and publicized their church at the expense of others.

Those who brought me this news also told me that Bob was not only publicizing his church, but taking verbal shots at me … the pastor of the only denominational church in Santa Clara … while I was serving God in a room upstairs.

Later that day, I found our district minister and asked him what he was going to do about Bob’s breach of protocol.

His reply?

“What can I do? I don’t have the authority to do anything.”

As far as I was concerned, that was the wrong answer.

I spoke with several of my pastoral colleagues, and they were appalled that Bob was passing out literature about his church … and that the district leadership was allowing it to happen.

Finally, a long-time pastor scooped up all of Bob’s literature (he wasn’t in the lobby at the time) … threw it out … came to me … and slapped his hands together as if to say, “That will take care of that.”

I don’t know how Bob reacted when he discovered that his literature had disappeared. Maybe he blamed me … maybe not.

But that incident is a microcosm of how denominations treat pastors when they’re assaulted by conflict:

First, many denominational leaders secretly hope that certain pastors and churches fail.

Bob was a formidable opponent. He wanted to turn our church back to the 1940s and 1950s.

I couldn’t reason with him, and neither could anyone on our board. He was a bully, and he was going to attack me until I resigned.

Several months before, my district minister had even recommended that I quit because of Bob’s attacks.

But I didn’t leave. I stayed … forcing Bob and his minions to depart instead.

I couldn’t figure out why my district minister wasn’t more supportive … until a pastoral colleague clued me into what was really happening.

My friend told me that district leaders wanted both me and our church to fail so they could take over the property … sell it … and use much of the proceeds to plant new churches.

Most denominational churches insert a clause into their governing documents that states that if the church dissolves, the property reverts to the denomination.

Although our church property sat on less than two acres, land in Silicon Valley at that time sold for one million dollars per acre.

What better way to secure a windfall than to force me out and take over the church?

If you’re skeptical that denominational officials do things like this, let me assure you … they do.

And in my case, I’m positive that’s what was happening.

Second, many denominational leaders claim they lack the ecclesiastical authority to resolve conflicts involving pastors.

This is precisely what my district minister told me: “I don’t have the authority to take any action toward Bob.”

Fine … maybe the DM didn’t have any official authority to deal with him.

Many denominational executives claim that they can’t interfere in the life of a congregation because churches are autonomous … that is, they govern themselves without any outside interference.

But let me tell you … when a district minister wants to interfere in a church situation and get rid of a pastor … he will.

My district minister at that time went back to his previous church, advised the board on how to get rid of their current pastor, and was present when the board demanded the pastor’s resignation.

Not only was it a total breach of ethics, he was also violating that church’s autonomy by interfering … and his influence led to a lawsuit.

In my case, I wanted someone to exercise moral and spiritual authority.

After all, what good is ecclesiastical authority if it doesn’t translate into moral and spiritual decisions?

Thank God, several of my fellow pastors did take action against Bob’s sabotage efforts … and I was grateful for their courage.

But if you’re looking for principled action, look away from the district office … because denominations are far more political than they are spiritual.

Finally, many denominational leaders are more interested in building their denomination than advancing Christ’s kingdom.

This was certainly true in our district.

I went to Talbot Seminary (now School of Theology), a non-denominational school. While there, I gravitated toward books written by British scholars like John Stott, J. I. Packer, Michael Green, F. F. Bruce, and D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones.

Those guys were my heroes.

I tried to think broadly, read widely, and view Christ’s kingdom internationally.

But when I started becoming involved with my church’s denomination, I was appalled at how narrow their thinking was.

For example, I served for several years on the district’s education committee. One day, I asked the chairman if I could invite Pastor Chuck Smith from Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa to speak to the pastors in our district. (I knew a pastor on that committee who was saved at one of Calvary’s concerts.)

At the time, Calvary Chapel may have been the largest church in the United States, and certainly was among the most influential churches anywhere in the world.

One of my best friends worked at Calvary with Pastor Chuck and I thought it would be great to have someone from outside the denomination talk about leadership.

My friend asked Chuck if he would speak for us, and Chuck said yes, so I went back to the chairman of the committee to deliver the news.

The chairman asked a district official if Chuck could come and speak. The official said that Chuck couldn’t come because there were plenty of denominational personnel who could speak to the leaders without going outside our own group.

Pretty lame excuse, if you ask me.

That same district official later criticized me for going to Talbot even though choosing a denomination wasn’t even on my radar when I selected a seminary to attend.

A lot of pastors at this point might say, “Okay, this group may identify its denomination with the kingdom of God, and they’re obviously mistaken, but I’ll suck it up, play the game, schmooze the right people, and maybe move up the ladder someday.”

But I can’t do that.

My wife and I have been watching the TV show Blue Bloods on Netflix. If you haven’t seen it, Tom Selleck plays Frank Reagan, the police commissioner of New York City. (And if you aren’t aware of this, Reagan’s family openly talks about their Catholic faith and often says grace before eating … a rarity on television.)

When faced with a dilemma, Reagan always wants to do the right thing. He always chooses principles over politics. He hates phoniness … meaningless social events… and speaks his mind at all times.

That’s me … and that’s why I resonate with Frank Reagan so well.

But I was never comfortable in my denomination. I was the wrong ethnicity … went to the wrong seminary … thought outside the box … and could not turn a blind ear to wrongdoing.

Many years ago, that district was holding a meeting one Saturday at my best friend’s church. I dutifully put on my suit (this was the early 1990s), got in my car, and drove down the expressway toward the church.

About a mile down the road, I thought to myself, “I hate these meetings. I don’t want to go … so why am I going?”

I turned around … went home … and never went to another one again.

My wife applauded me. She said, “You always come back from those meetings depressed.”

She was right … and I hate being depressed.

Fast forward 15 years.

In our last church, out of 400 adults, only seven people cared about our church’s affiliation with that denomination. Only seven.

One night, at a board meeting, a board member asked me what it would take to leave the denomination.

I told him that I didn’t want that to happen on my watch.

My wife later told me, “You made a mistake. You should have taken the church out.”

She repeated that same sentiment to me this past weekend.

But I didn’t want to do it. I thought I could just ignore them indefinitely.

When major conflict surfaced in my church in 2009, I discovered that my former district minister – who never once contacted me personally over a five-year period – was integrally involved in getting rid of me … even though he liked to claim, “I can’t interfere in local church conflicts.”

My wife was right … I should have led the church out of the denomination years before.

If I had, maybe I’d still be a pastor today.

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Strengthening Your Church’s Immune System, Part 2

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged biblical principles on church conflict, confidentiality and church conflict, pastoral termination, predictable times for church conflict, preventing church conflict on May 11, 2016| 1 Comment »

How much do you like to play chess?

One summer, between eighth and ninth grades, I played 97 games of chess with an older friend. As I recall, I won 49, he won 45, and there were three stalemates.

Since he was in the high school chess club and knew all my tricks, I had to prepare myself for long games, which meant that I had to learn how to set up a defense to protect my key pieces, especially the King and Queen.

In the same way, a church needs to learn how to protect their pastor(s) from attack, and to prepare a long-term defense plan.

In my last article, I mentioned five ways that church leaders can protect their church from the inevitability of internal conflicts. (You can access that article by clicking on the green link above and to the left of the title.)

Let me share the last five ways with you:

HOW CAN YOU STRENGTHEN THE IMMUNE SYSTEM OF YOUR CHURCH?

Sixth, create a special document that specifies how to handle conflicts with the pastor (Matt. 18:15-17; 1 Tim. 5:19-21).

Most churches lack this document. If your church decides to create a Conflict Resolution Group, this could be among their first assignments.

It should be biblically-based, conform to labor law, be consistent with the church’s governing documents, and aim to treat the pastor fairly and justly.

If an individual, a leader, or a group in the church makes accusations against a pastor, the governing board should determine the severity of the charges:

*Forgive citations: these are petty, personal issues people have with the pastor (Prov. 19:11; Matt. 23:23-24). The board should say, “This is such a silly charge that you either need to forgive the pastor, pray for him, or let this go. We won’t pursue this any more.” The great majority of accusations against a pastor fall into this “citation” category.

*Confront misdemeanors: this is where the pastor hurt or offended someone personally or where he committed a minor offense while carrying out his ministry (Luke 17:3-4). The proper way to deal with a minor offense is to speak with the pastor directly about it.

*Investigate felonies: this involves serious charges against the pastor, especially involving heresy, sexual immorality, or criminal behavior (Deut. 19:15-21).

If the pastor is accused of a felony, the board should do an investigation and (a) gather evidence; (b) meet with witnesses; and (c) decide if the charges are legitimate or illegitimate.

If they are illegitimate, the accusers should ask the pastor for forgiveness or leave the church, and the board should insist on this. If the pastor’s accusers don’t admit they’re wrong, they’ll just create more charges down the road.

If they appear to be legitimate, the board should set up a meeting between the accusers and the pastor. The pastor must be allowed to face his accusers.

Once this meeting is held, the board must decide the future of the pastor and his accusers in the congregation. Aim for restoration first (Gal. 6:1), removal last.

Seventh, remind leaders that conflict is likely to break out at certain predictable times:

Much of the time in church life, the pastor and staff know that conflict will surface at specific times. For example:

*When the pastor/leaders are initiating change. This is because church leaders have taken a long time to study the changes but they haven’t allowed enough time for people to share feedback and adjust to the changes themselves.

*Easter/Christmas seasons. This is primarily because everyone wants their church to look good on the major Christian holidays and this causes people to become highly anxious. It’s also because people bring their own personal stress over the holiday to church.

*Budget time. This is because the annual church budget determines a church’s values and priorities (“Oh no, the youth ministry budget got slashed while the pastor’s slush fund was doubled”) and because people become anxious about the church’s ability to reach their targeted income.

*When changing the worship service. Despite the fact that the New Testament never mentions even one Sunday morning worship service … and therefore, churches are free in the Lord to plan their own … some people will react negatively and emotionally to any change that they and their friends do not like.

*The addition of a new generation. How many churches have made specific plans to reach Millennials? What is your church doing to reach them? Just think about the changes you’d have to make … and envision the conflict those changes would provoke.

*The addition or removal of staff. “Why did we hire him? I don’t like the guy.” “Why did they let Pastor Brian go? He was always very nice to me.” Those statements alone speak volumes as to how churchgoers view staff members. While I loved adding new staff, I hated letting anybody go because most of the fallout would be directed at me as pastor.

*When the church is shrinking. This is because people don’t want to invest their time, energy, and money in a sinking ship … and because some will pin the blame for decline on one person: the lead pastor.

*When the church is growing. This may sound surprising, but many pastors are ousted because they were too successful. Many churchgoers … especially long-time leaders … would rather be large fish in a small pond than smaller fish in a larger pond. And when they discover that some of their power is to be shared or taken away by new people, they often rebel.

Eight, practice openness about official church matters while maintaining confidentiality concerning the issues in people’s lives (1 Cor. 1:10-17; 3:1-9; 6:12-19).

During a major conflict, church leaders usually stay tight-lipped and say little or nothing to churchgoers about what’s happening.

But I believe that leaders should share as much as they can, not as little as possible, because as the saying goes, you are as sick as your secrets.

*Your church should have at least one congregational/business meeting annually. The purpose of this meeting is for the church to vote on new board members and next year’s budget.

*Your congregation should also schedule periodic informational meetings (like a town hall meeting) where the pastor and church leaders can provide updates and receive feedback without the pressure of any voting. Two meetings a year sounds reasonable.

*The pastor, staff, and board should be transparent with church members about everything that involves the church as an institution: attendance, weekly giving, the budget, and policies. Membership has its privileges.

*Everyone in the church should know how to contact the key leaders. Their pictures should be on a wall someplace, and their email addresses should be published.

*The church board should report to the congregation in some fashion as often as the lead pastor has to report to the board. You can’t have an accountable pastor and an unaccountable board. It’s a scenario for disaster.

I learned this adage for church leaders from Dr. Archibald Hart: “We don’t have secrets, we do keep confidences.”

Ninth, practice periodic “conflict drills.”

My wife and I run a preschool in our home, and once a month, we have to do a fire drill. (In fact, we just did one within the past hour!) When the alarm sounds, the children must exit through the front door … even if they have one shoe on and one shoe off … and walk to the fire hydrant along the rim of our cul-de-sac as a meeting place.

In the same way, a pastor and a governing board should run one or two “conflict drills” every year … unannounced … so both parties can evaluate how they handle conflict.

Here’s an example:

*A board member hears that several church leaders are openly complaining about the pastor.

*The board member contacts the complainer and says: “If you are upset about policy matters, please speak with anyone who made the policy (usually board members). If you are upset with the pastor personally, please speak with him directly, pray for him, or let it go. Otherwise, we’re not going to entertain your complaints.”

*The board determines the severity of the complaint (citation, misdemeanor, felony) and acts accordingly.

*Consult with the Conflict Resolution Group and make sure that the ten principles and the governing documents are followed.

*The pastor must be allowed to face his accusers.

*The pastor/board contacts (a) a church consultant; (b) a conflict manager; (c) a Christian mediator; (d) a denominational executive for counsel.

*The board makes a decision and announces it to the appropriate parties.

Create your own steps if you’d prefer, but I believe that periodic conflict drills can be a lifesaver for a congregation.

Tenth, implement these five biblical principles for preventing church conflict:

*Talk directly to those you’re upset with rather than telling others about them (Prov. 11:13; 16:28; 18:8; 20:19; 1 Tim. 3:11; 5:13; James 4:11-12; 3 John 9-10).

*Share your frustrations with the appropriate spiritual leader rather than complaining indiscriminately (Num. 14:1-4; Luke 15:1-2; Phil. 2:14; Jude 16).

*Refuse to allow people to drag you into a dispute between two parties (called “triangulation”) (Luke12:13-14; 22:1-6).

*Deal with offenses as they arise rather than collecting them and dumping them on someone (called “gunnysacking”) all at once (Matt. 18:15; 1 Cor. 13:5; Eph. 4:26-27).

*Report those who attack and conspire against church leaders (Rom. 16:17; Titus 3:10-11).

Since implementing any or all of these ten immune system strengtheners is a lot of work, a pastor would be well-served to implement one or two of them every year.

If the pastor doesn’t initiate ideas like these, when a major conflict surfaces – especially if the pastor is attacked – the law of the jungle is likely to take effect.

Depending upon the level of emotion involved, people may choose sides … define enemies … ignore Scripture … and do anything and everything to remove their pastor from office.

In the process, the church will be destroyed for the foreseeable future, and can only survive intact if there’s a resurrection years later. Not pretty.

Which of my suggestions resonate with you?

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Strengthening Your Church’s Immune System, Part 1

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged choosing church board members, choosing church leaders, creating church mission/vision statements, pastoral termination, preventing church conflict on May 5, 2016| Leave a Comment »

I recently conducted a workshop at the Christian Leadership Training Association Convention in Pasadena, California, on the topic, “Strengthening Your Church’s Immune System.”

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The goal of my workshop was to present ten practical ideas designed to prevent most conflicts in Christian churches.

A severe conflict can damage a church, its leaders, and its people for years. The trauma of a major conflict wreaks havoc with personal relationships, church budgets, pastoral careers, and spiritual lives.

So long before a church experiences serious conflict, the pastor and church leaders should discern, model, teach, and implement healthy, biblical behaviors for resolving differences.

And the best way to manage and resolve conflicts in churches is to prevent them before they escalate.

For a church to grow today, a pastor must initiate change … which involves taking risks … which provokes anxiety in some people … which leads to complaining … which usually focuses on the pastor … which can lead to antagonism, plots, secret meetings, accusations, demands, threats, church splits, forced resignations, and ultimately, a decimated congregation.

I believe that pastors must implement these strategies over time to protect their churches form internal attacks – as well as the pastoral position – or a major conflict can wipe out a congregation for years.

HOW CAN YOU STRENGTHEN THE IMMUNE SYSTEM OF YOUR CHURCH?

First, identify and communicate why your church exists and where it is going.

Many of the conflicts I experienced in my first ten years of pastoral ministry were related to our church’s direction … or lack thereof. I had a mental picture of where I wanted those churches to go but I didn’t articulate it clearly and concisely, and consequently, major conflict resulted on two occasions.

Your mission is your church’s overarching purpose, the reason you exist.

Your vision is your church’s preferred future by a certain date; the direction you’re going.

Let me share four thoughts about mission and vision – and I have done what I’m suggesting:

*Utilize a bottom-up approach. Let the people of your congregation have input into the creation of your mission and vision statements. Avoid using a top-down approach where the pastor rams through his ideas without congregational buy-in.

Start by asking your congregation four open-ended questions on a handout, such as:

What do you like about our church?
What are our strengths as a congregation?
Where can we improve?
What should our church look like in five years?

Reserve 10-15 minutes during a worship service to do this. Let people write whatever they want. Ask them to turn in their surveys anonymously.

Then choose a mission/vision team to compile the responses. Ask the team to meet, maybe on a Saturday morning. Share the responses. Look for patterns. Create draft statements.

Let the pastor refine the language. Send the statements back to the mission/vision team for further input. When the process is complete, the board should officially approve the statements.

*Create compelling statements. Make them shorter rather than longer. The trend today is to have mission statements that are ten words or less so they can be remembered.

“Loving Jesus and others” is boring and vague. “To transform our families and communities for Jesus” is exciting and unifying. Make them simple but somewhat edgy.

*Announce the statements to the church in final form. Post them everywhere: your lobby, website, bulletin, classrooms. The pastor must refer to them often … at least once a month.

*Every consequent decision will flow from your mission/vision statements which may relieve as many as 90% of your church’s “problems.” Those who don’t like the direction – because they wanted to turn your church into Lakewood West or Saddleback North – will be forced to get with the program or leave the church.

Yes, some churches grow without those statements, and some churches that have mission/vision statements never go anywhere. But people want to know, “What’s the plan?” Growth is intentional, not accidental. Without a clear direction, your church will drift.

Second, choose only leaders (pastor/staff/board) who follow and embody Scripture (1 Tim. 3:1-7; Titus 1:5-9).

It’s well-known in evangelical circles that church leaders should be biblically-qualified according to Paul’s lists in the Pastoral Epistles. But selecting leaders of high character doesn’t prevent a church from experiencing a horrific conflict. I know all too well.

*It is crucial that every leader embrace the church’s mission and vision statements. My failure to nail this down was a primary factor in why major conflict surfaced in my last ministry. I assumed that board members were with me without ever asking them directly. Board members can smile when their pastor is present and stab him in the back when he’s absent.

*It is essential that prospective leaders are interviewed (maybe by the pastor and board chairman) and that after they take office, receive training (at least quarterly) and undergo periodic evaluations. (Either every major leader should be evaluated or nobody should be evaluated.)

*The pastor should check with the financial secretary and make sure that any prospective board members are regular, generous givers to the ministry. The pastor can do this by asking the person who knows the givers and their amounts, “Just let me know if this person is a stingy giver … an average giver … or a generous giver.” Believe me, you don’t want any stingy givers on your board because they will tend to shoot down budget increases and special projects because they won’t want to give themselves. You only want regular givers handling church finances.

*It is better to have nobody than the wrong person in leadership. Why? Because it can take a long time to get rid of the wrong person … and there is a price to be paid for doing that.

*It is better to have just a few qualified leaders than any non-qualified leaders. If the church’s governing documents state that you need to have a minimum of seven board members, but you can only find four that are qualified, just go with four. If you don’t, the other three “fill-ins” will kill you.

Third, ask your leaders to study and summarize the biblical principles for conflict resolution.

I believe that the lead pastor in a church must take the initiative to prevent major conflicts from surfacing. One way to do that is to hold regular meetings involving every key leader in your church: staff members, board members, ministry team/committee leaders, small group leaders … and to broaden the ownership base by making the group larger rather than smaller.

The meetings can be held monthly or quarterly … maybe after the last service on Sunday morning, which means you’ll have to provide lunch … but it’s essential that they be held.

This article I wrote several weeks ago describes the process of formulating these principles:

Preventing a Major Conflict in Your Church

The aim of such a process is to create a one-page document stating Ten Principles for Resolving Conflict at _________ Church that should be posted in many rooms all over the church. (Just try and envision the rooms where conflict surfaces, like the church office, the associate pastor’s office, the board room, the kitchen … you get the idea.)

Fourth, create a Conflict Resolution Group inside your church of at least three strong, wise, and healthy individuals.

The reason I advocate a CRG is because when a pastor is attacked, there are usually some board members and/or staff members who are involved in trying to oust the pastor.

And when this happens, they almost always use shortcuts to expedite his departure.

They ignore Scripture … the church’s governing documents … labor law … and common decency because they have their eye on one goal: the pastor’s speedy exit … and they are anxious until “the deed is done.”

*The CRG’s job is to make sure biblical principles and processes are followed whenever a conflict surfaces, not to determine an outcome. They make sure that the pastor is treated justly and fairly at all times. They watch over the entire congregation, but engage in special surveillance over the board and staff.

*CRG members should be voted on by the congregation, making them accountable to the whole church. If the board appoints the CRG, it can just disband the group should the board plan to take action to force out the pastor. But if the CRG reports to the congregation, the board and staff may think twice about railroading the pastor unfairly.

*Terms should be for 1-3 years. Consider especially former board members … retired pastors … and people who work in human resources.

*Make provision for them to receive training, such as that offered by Peacemaker Ministries in Colorado Springs. Their website is http://peacemaker.net

Realize that Peacemaker University at its lower levels centers upon how to resolve conflicts between two individuals. I have taken their course on coaching people to resolve conflicts.

*The penalty for violating the CRG’s directives is church discipline and possible expulsion. For example, there might be a statement in the church’s governing documents that if the CRG rules that the board didn’t use the approved process for dealing with the pastor, the board could be suspended or must resign en masse. The CRG cannot function effectively unless they can recommend discipline to the congregation.

Fifth, update your church’s governing documents (constitution/bylaws) every five years.

As churches change, their governing documents should keep pace. While I believe that church constitutions and bylaws should be slaves, not masters, whenever a conflict breaks out, the leaders and congregation must abide by the latest version.

*Insure that your governing documents align with your ten principles for resolving conflict. (Covered under the third step above.)

*Make sure you specify the pathway to remove the pastor from office and to remove troublesome board members and staff members as well.

*If a major conflict ever breaks out, some people will become so reactive that they will resort to “the law of the jungle” to win. If your governing documents are clear, they may think twice.

*If your church is ever sued, and a judge takes the case, the judge will decide for the party that most closely followed the governing documents.

I know this seems like a lot of work, but it can be implemented over time.

In fact, let me go further: if a pastor plans on making changes in his congregation, he should implement as many of these strategies as possible first.

The best time to prepare for war is during a time of peace.

I’ll share the remaining five ways to strengthen your church’s immune system next time.

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Four Reasons Terminated Pastors Cut Off Christian Friends

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged pastoral termination, terminated pastors and their friends, terminated pastors and their relationships on March 17, 2016| 4 Comments »

Picture this scenario inside a church:

Pastor Mike has served as senior pastor of Mercy Church for 12 years. During that time, the church has doubled in size and donations.

By any measure, Mike’s tenure at Mercy has been a success.

But due to the increased flow of guests, Pastor Mike has told the governing board that the church either needs to (a) add a third service, or (b) make additional room in the worship center … which might mean knocking out the side walls and expanding the seating.

For some reason … and Mike doesn’t know why … the board seems resistant to both ideas. In fact, at the last board meeting, Mike sensed that the attitude of several board members was, “We aren’t going to get behind your suggestions no matter what. We’re drawing a line.”

It depressed Pastor Mike to think that Mercy wouldn’t want to reach more people for Jesus … but he wondered if there were some church leaders who simply didn’t want to follow his leadership anymore.

Over the next few months, Mike learned that his instincts were correct. Along with three board members, two staff members had also become resistant to Mike’s leadership.

Then one day, Pastor Mike discovered that those board members and staffers were holding secret meetings.

Mike began to have anxiety attacks … which led to panic attacks … which scared him so much that he began to withdraw from all but essential church meetings and activities.

But now he had given additional ammunition to the Gang of Five. In their eyes, not only was Mike pushing too hard to reach new people, he was also acting in an aloof manner.

So they moved in for the kill.

At the next meeting of the governing board, the chairman presented Mike with a letter, claiming that he was distancing himself from people … resisting the board’s leadership … and was no longer qualified to be the church’s pastor.

Then followed the coup de grace … Mike was asked for his resignation.

After negotiating a severance package, Mike quit … with nowhere to go.

Over the following year, Mike cut off all contact with 95% of the people from Mercy Church. It was very painful for him … he didn’t want to do it … but he realized that for his own sanity and wellbeing, he had to.

Taking this step felt counter to all that he believed, but he felt he had no choice. Mike couldn’t bear to see Facebook stories involving church families getting together … featuring photos of those who pushed him out.

So here are the steps Mike took to stop contact:

*Mike reviewed his friends on Facebook and unfriended everybody from the church except those who had explicitly told/showed him they wanted to stay friends.

*Mike reviewed his contacts on LinkedIn and Twitter and did the same.

*Mike cut off all contact with anyone in Christian ministry who seemed to take the side of his detractors, including denominational leaders, parachurch leaders, and pastor friends.

*Mike tossed all email addresses and phone numbers of anyone and everyone who did not stand with him during his conflict at Mercy.

Do Mike’s actions seem extreme?

Some would say, “Absolutely. Pastor Mike should be building bridges to repair relationships rather than putting up barricades to end them.”

But in many ways, I am just like Pastor Mike. When I left my last church ministry nearly 6 1/2 years ago, I had to face some cold-hearted realities, even though they flew in the face of what I believe about Christian unity and relationships.

I had to cut myself off from most of the people in my last church … including ministry friends.

Let me share with you four reasons why I did this:

First, I cut off contact with most church attendees because I was never going to see them again.

The relationship we had was pastor-parishioner. That was it.

And when I resigned, that relationship was over forever.

I was no longer responsible for their spiritual welfare, and they were no longer responsible for listening to me … supporting me … or praying for me.

May as well acknowledge it and let everybody move on.

I’ve never told this story before, but nearly three months after my departure, I had to return to my previous church to move more than twenty boxes of files I had left behind.

When I walked through the worship center balcony upstairs, I saw the daughter of a woman who had just turned 100 years old below. This woman had been one of my biggest supporters for years, and I always assumed I would conduct her memorial service.

But it wasn’t to be. The daughter was present because her mother had just died … and someone else … who didn’t know her … would be conducting the service instead.

No longer marrying or burying people that you love is one of the many prices a forced-out pastor has to pay after he leaves a church … and one he must accept to get better.

I also didn’t want to hear about what was going on in the church … good or bad … and that was the basis of most of my church friendships.

So I had to cut people off.

Second, I cut off contact with some church leaders because they had planned my demise.

It’s painful to face the truth, but when church leaders conspire to get rid of a pastor, they are not just ending their professional relationships with him … they are also ending their personal relationships with him.

By their actions, they are telling their pastor, “We never want to see you or hear from you again. You are dead to us.”

Why keep in contact with people who either hate you or, at the very least, despise you? There’s nothing to work out.

One church leader seemed to stand with me in public, but when he sensed the politics were shifting, he changed his stance … trying to play both sides of the fence.

I heard from him the month after I left … but after that, never again.

He followed me on Twitter, but I figured he was monitoring what I saying, so I cut him off … for good.

Although we had many wonderful memories together, our relationship was finished.

Third, I cut off contact with several pastor friends because they were more loyal to my predecessor than to me.

Years ago, I formed a luncheon group composed of four pastor friends from our denomination plus me. We met every month for lunch … got together every Christmas for dinner … and visited each other’s homes/churches on occasion.

I was especially close to one of the pastors, considering him my best friend … and not just in ministry.

As time went on, two of those friends moved to pastorates in different states. Both went through forced terminations, and I did my best to be there for both of them.

Years later, when I went through my own forced termination, they both called me months later to find out what happened.

(As I wrote in my book Church Coup, my predecessor … who had brought me to the church initially … played a part in forcing me out of office.)

As I shared my story with my friends, it was obvious that our friendships had changed dramatically.

With one friend, when I shared the part my predecessor played, he said something that indicated that my predecessor had already spoken with him … and that my side didn’t matter to him.

I waited several years, but my pastor friends didn’t lift a finger to help me or stay in contact.

In other words, it was obvious that for whatever reason, our friendship was history.

And so one day, I unfriended them both from Facebook and took them off LinkedIn.

That happened three years ago. I’m grateful for the many years I enjoyed their friendship … and maybe living in different states had something to do with it … but I can’t imagine resurrecting those relationships.

So regretfully, rather than waiting for them to take my side or give me some encouragement, I cut them off.

Finally, I cut off contact with anyone who needed a long explanation as to why I left my last church.

For a long time after I was forced out, the injustice of it all was all I could talk about. That obsessive mindset – “God’s people treated me unfairly, and I’d like to tell you about it” – is toxic.

You’re aware that you’re spewing poison, so you limit who you talk to … and for how long … because you don’t want to lose more friends than you already have.

But telling that story repeatedly drains you of the energy you need just to survive. You’re digging your own emotional grave.

Now I feel the opposite. I don’t want to talk about what happened … unless it’s for professional purposes.

God gave me a story, so I’ll refer to it in my blogs … while consulting with Christian leaders … and in any workshops I do on church conflict.

But other than that, I’d rather talk about the presidential race … or the 2016 baseball season … or how fun my grandsons are.

Since I left my last ministry, I’ve wondered if anyone involved in ending my ministry … and career … would ever contact me directly and say, “I’m so sorry for the part I played in your leaving. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”

The answer would immediately be, “Of course I will forgive you. In fact, you may not be aware of this, but I forgave you a long time ago.”

But not one leader or attendee has ever done that.

I don’t want my health and happiness to be dependent upon waiting for people to repent, so I’ve chosen to remain friends with those who:

*love me outside of my last church experience.

*love me in spite of my last church experience.

*love me and believe that I was unfairly treated.

*love me in spite of the fact that I write about every angle of pastoral termination on a regular basis.

I’m a huge Beatles fan and think often of the lyrics to the bridge of their song “We Can Work It Out”:

“Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

I have always thought that it’s a crime, so I will ask you once again

Try to see it my way, only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong … ”

When I was a pastor, I tried to be friends with everyone in the church.

It was expected of me.

Now that I’m not a pastor, I can choose who my friends are.

And I can choose who they aren’t.

Before I left my last ministry, I assumed I was friends with many people in the church … including staff members, board members, and key leaders.

But if they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, then I follow Paul’s words in Romans 12:18:

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

But for those who don’t want to live in peace … I sadly but firmly cut them off … without regret or guilt.

And look forward to complete reconciliation around the throne of God.

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Where Does Hatred Against Pastors Come From?

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged Christian leaders who hate their pastor, forced termination of pastors, hatred toward pastors, pastoral termination on March 11, 2016| 5 Comments »

I am not entirely comfortable with today’s topic: why some people hate their pastor … but some issues grab me and won’t let me go.

Over the past few weeks, I have not been able to mentally censor this nagging question:

Why do some board members/staff members/church members hate their pastor enough to force him to leave?

Let’s admit that this is a real issue in many situations where a pastor is terminated. Sometimes the driving force in a pastoral termination is the personal hatred someone has for their pastor … especially in smaller church settings.

Why is this so?

First, some people hate their pastor because he doesn’t adopt their viewpoints on church matters.

There are people in every church who think they know how to run the church better than their God-called minister.

Maybe they do … but they haven’t been entrusted by God … or by the congregation … with the same amount of decision-making authority as their pastor.

I don’t understand such people. It would be far more sensible … and much less divisive … if such a person either (a) chose to wait and see how some of the pastor’s decisions worked out, or (b) left the church quietly and didn’t make a fuss.

But when people go public against their pastor … even if only inside their own social network … they usually don’t back down or they’re afraid of losing face.

Second, some people hate their pastor because they don’t like his ministry style.

I served under five senior pastors as a staff member over nearly 11 years.

One pastor let me run the ministry the way I wanted. Another pastor gave me a running commentary every week on how I was doing.

One pastor used to come into my office and solicit my opinion on church matters. Another pastor spent most of our time together talking about himself.

Several pastors were loud and opinionated; a couple were thoughtful and reflective.

Some complimented me on a regular basis; others rarely said anything encouraging or kind.

I always felt that it was my job to adapt to them and their style. It was not their job to adapt to me and my style.

But some board members … and especially staff members … believe that the pastor needs to adjust his leadership style to them, not the other way around.

And when a pastor doesn’t make this adjustment, some people will secretly hate him.

Third, some people hate their pastor because he once offended them.

In 36 years of church ministry, I can count on two hands the number of people who came to me and said, “Jim, you said or did something that really offended me, and I’d like to see if we can work this out between us.”

Most of the time, I’d hear something like this instead: “Jim, So-and-So is really upset with you.”

But when most people are upset with their pastor, they don’t want him to know … so they don’t tell him directly.

In some respects, I get this.

When a church is smaller, it’s easier for people to speak with their pastor directly. He’s more accessible … easier to know … and his reactions are more predictable.

As a church grows larger, it becomes more difficult for people to speak with their pastor one-on-one. The pastor might not be visible after a weekend service … or attempts to speak with him might result in his saying, “Call me at church during the week so we can set up an appointment.”

That’s great … but what if you can’t leave work to do that?

And what if you can … but you chicken out before making that appointment?

But why blame the pastor when he doesn’t know how the offended party feels?

It’s irrational … but sadly, all too common.

______________

Let me share with you some things I’ve never shared – not even in my book Church Coup – about why I ultimately left my last ministry.

*It wasn’t because I committed a major offense, because I didn’t.

*It wasn’t because the church was going down the tubes, because it wasn’t.

*It wasn’t because I wasn’t doing my job, because I was … although I was wearing down toward the end without knowing why.

*It wasn’t because of anything my wife did or didn’t do … even though that was the presenting charge … because she was ultimately exonerated by a 9-person team from inside the church.

No, the real reason I left my last ministry was because two Christian leaders hated me.

One leader was inside the church … and one leader was outside the church.

But why did these leaders hate me? I certainly did not hate them.

The leader inside the church had his own agenda. In my view, he wanted to control the money so he could control the ministry. He never seemed to listen to anything I said, but he wanted me to listen to him, even though I tried but rarely understood his points. He engineered my departure from within but did not speak with me personally about any of his concerns.

The leader outside the church had an agenda as well. I’ve protected his reputation for many years, even though he used a scorched earth policy against me. When the time is right, I may reveal more … not to be vindictive, but to illustrate why some pastors are forced out of their church positions.

How do I know these two men hated me?

*They never told me directly how they felt.

There are many disobeyed commands in Scripture, but Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15-17 have to be right up near the top.

Jesus is pretty clear: “If your brother sins [and that includes your pastor], go and reprove him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother.”

Whatever I said or did that offended these men, they never loved me enough to sit down and say, “Hey, Jim, there is something between us. Let’s try and work this out together.”

So I assumed that everything was fine … until I was ambushed and betrayed.

*They both spread their feelings to other Christians.

If I tell you that I’m angry with my pastor, you should say to me, “Why are you telling me this? Go speak with him at once and work things out.” If you’re too scared to speak with him directly, then take it to the Lord in prayer and let it go … or find a friend or family member who lives several states away and share your feelings with them.

But keep those feelings out of your church, or you may destroy a lot of lives. Hatred … even of a Christian leader … can be contagious.

Because if I tell you that I’m enraged at my pastor, you may very well add some petty grievances of your own to my complaint. If I tell my wife about my anger, she may add her own complaints as well.

Before long, I’m focusing only on how the pastor offended me, my wife, and my friends rather than looking out for the best interests of the church long-term.

If these men had come to me, we could have worked things out. If I was wrong, I would have admitted my part. I can be sensitive, but I’m also reasonable.

But they never came to me … but did go to others.

The result? A firestorm.

*They tried to destroy my reputation.

The wife of the leader from inside the church called a friend of mine in another state to criticize me.

The leader from outside the church called another friend to rag on me for a different matter.

In both cases, the callers were hoping that those they called would be receptive to their harsh criticisms.

In both cases, the callers ended up being more loyal to me than to my critics … and told me who called them and what they said.

Six months after I left my last church, I made an appointment with the district leader of a denomination other than the one I had been in for years. My hope was that I might be able to do some guest speaking in churches … just to be useful.

When I started telling him my story about what happened in my former church, he had already heard it, and guessed the name of the church before I even mentioned it … as well as the name of a leader who pushed me out.

It shook me up, and I never sent him my resume or a preaching DVD because I assumed … rightly or wrongly … “Everybody in the Christian world must know about my situation, so why proceed any further?”

In some ways, I still feel that way.

*They did all in their power to force me to resign.

I cannot imagine hating a pastor so much that you would do all in your power to force him out of office.

In my book Church Coup, I wrote the following:

“I have a theory about the mentality of those who seek to target a pastor they don’t like. Because they sense that what they’re doing is wrong, they have to (a) exaggerate any charges to the level of a capital crime; (b) find others who agree with them to alleviate their guilt; (c) justify their actions by convincing themselves it’s for the common good; and (d) work up their hatred so they follow through with their plan. While this progression sounds like the kind of diabolical rage one might find in politics or war (or the prelude to a murder), the last place we’d expect to find such irrationality is inside a church.”

But in all too many cases, that irrationality thrives.

*They never spoke with me again after I resigned.

One of these two men was one of my best friends for at least ten years. He contacted me every few months, even when we lived hundreds of miles apart.

But when our conflict was brewing in the fall of 2009, the consultant I hired told me that my “friend” was involved in the conflict.

Three other Christian leaders told me about his involvement afterward. One of them told me, “You’ve been undermined for years without your knowledge, and it’s amazing that your church has done so well during that time.”

Maybe we’ll reunite in heaven.

_______________

You might be wondering, “Jim, have you forgiven these men who hated you?”

Yes, I believe I have … if we’re talking about unilateral forgiveness.

Two months after I resigned and left my former church, I drove nearly 800 miles back to my former community to pick up some valuables that were being stored at a friend’s house.

That night, I stayed in our old house one last time. (It was up for sale but still on the market.)

I took a walk around the old neighborhood, sat on a bench in a small park … and looked directly across at the house of the leader inside the church who engineered my departure.

He didn’t know I was there, but I prayed and forgave him. I even asked God to bless his life and family.

The leader from outside the church had been good to me for years, so in some ways it was easier to forgive him.

But if forgiveness means reconciliation … former enemies coming together again as friends … I don’t envision that ever happening.

I wish both men and their families well. I don’t pray that God will harm them or strike them dead.

But to this day, I still don’t know why they hated me so much … and I guess I’ll never know.

But while we’re at it, there’s something else I’m wondering:

When the hatred of these two leaders manifested itself … among their wives, their friends, and members of my former church … why didn’t anyone say to them, “You’re angry and even bitter right now, and you need to make things right with Jim, or let things go.”

Maybe someone did say that.

I just wish they had listened.

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Making Charges Against a Pastor

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged church board and pastoral termination, making charges against a pastor, pastoral termination, reasons for forcing out a pastor, reasons for terminating a pastor on March 3, 2016| Leave a Comment »

When I listen to the stories of pastors who have undergone a forced termination, I almost always ask them this question:

“What were the charges against you?”

If a pastor committed a major offense like heresy (and I haven’t met one yet who has), sexual immorality, or criminal behavior, then he knows precisely why the governing board removed him from office, and has only himself to blame.

But in more than 95% of the cases, by any objective measure, the pastor isn’t guilty of any major offense.

And much of the time, the pastor is in the dark as to why the board pressured him to resign.

If I was a church board member, and I was concerned about my pastor’s behavior or ministry, I would tell my fellow leaders, “We need to design and follow a fair and just process for dealing with our concerns about the pastor. Since he isn’t guilty of any impeachable offense, we need to give him the benefit of the doubt and bring him into our deliberations.”

This means following three principles:

First, the pastor needs to know what people – including board members – are saying about him.

Second, the pastor needs to be able to respond to any charges made against him.

Finally, the pastor should be allowed to suggest ways to improve his behavior and ministry.

A minority of church boards follow the above three principles, and when I speak with such a board member, I always commend him for trying to be fair.

But the majority act differently. Here’s a typical scenario:

Pastor Tim receives a phone call at his home late one night from his friend Nate, who tells him that the church board has met in secret twice over the past month. Since Pastor Tim is also a board member, and he wasn’t invited to those meetings, he immediately assumes that the board is talking about him.

And Tim’s instincts are correct.

Since nobody on the board has spoken to Tim about any concerns about him, Tim asks himself a series of questions:

*Am I guilty of a major offense? No.

*Am I aware of anyone who wants to get rid of me? No.

*Am I aware of anyone who is angry with me? No.

*Am I aware of any factions that are forming against me? No.

*Have our attendance and giving slid recently? Maybe a bit, but I can’t believe I’d be fired for a temporary slump.

Even though Tim is confident before God that he has done nothing to merit dismissal, he doesn’t sleep well that night.

Four days later, Don, the board chairman, asks to meet with Pastor Tim privately for breakfast the next day. After another sleepless night, Don and Tim meet.

Don begins, “Pastor, a group has formed inside our church that has some serious concerns about the way you do ministry. The board has listened to their concerns and we believe that for the good of the church, you should resign as pastor effective immediately.”

Pastor Tim cannot believe what he’s hearing. He’s absolutely stunned by Don’s revelation.

After a long and awkward pause, Tim asks, “What are their concerns about me?”

Don responds, “We’re not at liberty to say, but they’re important enough that we think you should resign.”

Tim then asks, “Who are these people, Don?”

Don responds, “They’re spoken to us confidentially and we told them we wouldn’t reveal their names.”

Tim then says, “Don, that’s not fair! I need to know who is making charges against me and what those charges are or you’re participating in a kangaroo court.”

But Don doesn’t budge, saying, “Look, Tim, this is in the best interests of everyone involved.”

Ready to blow his top, Tim tells Don, “I don’t agree with you, Don, unless you tell me who is saying what about me.”

But Don won’t reveal a thing to his pastor about the charges.

At this point, let me quote from church conflict expert Speed Leas in his manual Moving Your Church Through Conflict:

“A person being charged or condemned by others should have the right to know what those charges are and [have] an opportunity to respond to them. Denying this opportunity plays into the hands of real or potential manipulators, allows untrue or distorted information to be circulated and establishes a precedent that the way to deal with differences is to talk about rather than to talk with others. I have also found it true that individuals who talk about others out of their presence tend to exaggerate their charges, believing they will not be quoted.”

The process that Leas describes is eminently fair, and yet many church boards violate these principles when they conspire to get rid of their pastor.

Why do church boards do this? Why do they engage in practices toward a man of God that are utterly unjust?

Supposition #1: The board ‘s reasons for getting rid of the pastor are so petty that they’d be embarrassed to reveal them.

A common reason for getting rid of a pastor is that one or two important people just don’t like him. But that’s not an objective charge … that’s a subjective preference … and few people are going to let their pastor know their feelings.

I have a friend who was dismissed and never given a reason. All he could do was speculate. He finally determined that he was fired because he didn’t visit a board member’s child who was in the hospital on an outpatient basis one day.

Supposition #2: Some key people in the church – board members, staff members, or prominent leaders – have threatened to leave the church unless the pastor is sacked.

Some of these leaders are personal friends of board members or their spouses. Some are longtime members or large donors. The board reasons, “It’s easier to get another pastor than it is to replace those who stand against the pastor.” So they jettison any kind of fair process and shut their mouths.

Supposition #3: Some board members – especially those who run small businesses – decide to treat the pastor the way they would treat one of their employees.

What do many small business owners tell their employees when they let them go? “You just aren’t working out.” They speak in vague terms because they feel it isn’t worth it to get into specifics. That same mentality is directed toward pastors in too many situations … but a pastor isn’t a sales clerk or a custodian. He’s someone called by God to lead God’s people and preach God’s Word. Big difference.

Supposition #4: The board doesn’t want to hurt the pastor’s feelings by being specific.

But what could be worse than being summarily and instantly dismissed? I for one would want to know exactly why I was being elbowed out the door … and I wouldn’t let the board off the hook by letting them resort to platitudes and vague generalities. If I had a blind spot in my character or behavior, I’d want to know about it so I could work on it … or I could be dismissed from my next position.

Supposition #5: Someone in church leadership – probably on the board – has a vendetta against the pastor.

That person doesn’t want to implement Jesus’ words and confront the pastor as Matthew 18:15-17 specifies, so they bully or manipulate the board to carry out their wishes … and the board passively goes along with them. This supposition says far more about the board than it does about the pastor.

I believe that many church boards dismiss their pastor prematurely. They never tell him directly about their concerns so the pastor is never given a chance to make course corrections. They also fail to bring up issues as they arise. Speed Leas comments:

“Healthy and fair confrontation should tell the ‘offender’ what is wrong, and prepare the way for negotiation (or collaboration) toward agreement and a better relationship. Confrontation which demands that things be done one way, and does not allow for others to shape the way those things are done, is oppressive and demeaning. There are times when a board or supervisor (the one with authority to direct others) must confront without negotiation or collaboration; but even in these cases the ‘offender’ should have ample opportunity to perform differently before being dismissed from the organization. This is often difficult and done poorly in church situations. Instead of clearly describing to an employee or volunteer what is wanted and seeking to find a way to achieve a mutually satisfactory relationship, too often church leaders avoid confrontation until all hope of improving the working relationship is lost, or they confront and expect immediate change on the part of others without looking at what else in the organization might need to be changed.”

I’m sure there are other reasons why the governing board doesn’t tell the pastor why they’re pushing him out, but these are the ones that come most readily to mind.

If the board refuses to tell the pastor why they’re letting him go, what, if anything, can the pastor do about it?

If I were Pastor Tim, I’d tell Don … at breakfast or later on: “If you want to fire me, go ahead, but realize that you’re going to have to explain your decision to (a) the church staff; (b) other church leaders; (c) the congregation as a whole; (d) members who will contact individual board members; (e) the district minister (assuming the church is part of a denomination); (f) any interim pastor you might hire; and (g) the next pastor.

“And believe me, if you tell any or all of these parties why you’re letting me go, much of what you say will eventually get back to me, and you and the rest of the board will come off as cowards.

“So here is what I propose: I ask that you and one other board member meet with me as soon as possible so you can tell me the real reason why you are letting me go. If you want to fire me, go ahead, but I will not give you a resignation letter unless you’re honest with me and until we agree on a severance package.”

If the board is intent on flexing its muscles, they might fire Pastor Time outright, but believe me … they are going to have a lot of trouble down the road.

This is just my opinion, but I believe that church boards like having a strong pastor when it comes to theology, and biblical morality, and critiquing the culture, but they want a weak pastor when they want to enforce their will upon him. They want him to roll over and play dead, and if he doesn’t, they don’t want him around any more.

This is where church boards need to remember that nobody comes to church to watch the board make decisions. They come primarily because they enjoy the pastor’s ministry.

All the more reason why every church board should treat the pastor fairly and justly.

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The Pastor as Ecclesiastical Enforcer

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged Hebrews 13:17, pastors and enforcing biblical standards, pastors and legal issues on February 25, 2016| Leave a Comment »

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. Hebrews 13:17

I don’t remember anyone in seminary saying anything about this.

And I don’t recall reading about this issue in any ministry books I read before I became a pastor.

And I don’t have a memory of any of the pastors I served under bringing this problem to my attention.

What am I talking about?

Just this: when you become a pastor … whether you’re a solo pastor of a smaller church or the senior/lead pastor of a larger church … you must create and enforce certain rules … both to obey Scripture and to protect your church as an institution.

I’ll never forget the first time I had to do this as a young pastor.

I was called to become the pastor of a church in Silicon Valley at age 27. The deacons were the governing board, and all four were at least 60 years of age. (Doesn’t seem all that old anymore!)

One Sunday several months after I was called as pastor, a deacon (I’ll call him Jay) came to church one morning without his wife. It was obvious by the way Jay spoke that something was seriously wrong with his family.

When I got home, I called Jay’s wife, who told me that she was going to divorce her husband.

Ours was a small congregation, and the news that a prominent couple were splitting up traveled fast.

But more than that: the woman’s decision meant that I had to speak with Jay and ask him to step down from the deacons.

I didn’t want to meet with Jay alone. He was gruff and possessed a volatile temper, but how could I let him stay on the board? He was about to become biblically unqualified for his role.

I somehow convinced the other deacons that Jay needed to step down … and thought I had convinced Jay as well.

But my decision had consequences.

Three months later, the deacons told me, “Jay is our friend. He’s suffered enough. We want him back on the board.” Even though I protested, Jay returned.

Over the ensuing years, Jay exploded with anger at me once or twice a year … and I was never sure why.

Several years later, Jay was involved in leading a group of people out of our church. Was it payback for my decision from years before?

Here are seven things I’ve learned the hard way about the pastor’s role as ecclesiastical enforcer:

First, the role of enforcer is not in the pastor’s job description.

Written job descriptions will say that the pastor “is the leader of the church in all its activities” or that he is responsible for “managing the staff.”

Few job descriptions … if any … ever say, “The pastor is expected to enforce biblical standards and protect the church legally.”

But if the pastor fails at enforcement, he can jeopardize his congregation … or even lose his position … so he has to be an enforcer, even if it makes him cringe.

I never liked being an enforcer, but soon discovered that certain people … especially the governing board … expected it … because they were at work during the week, while I was on the church campus continually.

Second, sometimes enforcing rules falls to the pastor by default.

I once pastored a church where the campus was frequented by skateboarders.

They loved to go up and down a small flight of stairs on the edge of the property with their skateboards.

If I was the only person around, I’d go over and gently ask the guys to find another place to do their skateboarding.

The skateboarders became a chronic problem, never going away for long. I finally had to bring the issue up to the staff … the only ones on campus in the afternoons … because I needed broader help with enforcement … but I received pushback from the youth staff, who didn’t want to offend the skateboarders.

I didn’t want to offend anybody, either. I just didn’t want the church to get sued because we didn’t warn the skateboarders to leave.

Why did the others leave enforcement to me?

I will never know.

Third, sometimes the pastor has to enforce rules because certain people will only listen to him.

I once had a youth director who held regular youth meetings in the multipurpose room … but he always left the room a mess.

The following morning, when the next group came to use the room, it was trashed.

The office manager would tell me, “The multipurpose room was once again a disaster after last night.”

She tried talking to the youth guy, but he didn’t listen … and he wouldn’t change.

I finally had to get involved, but I didn’t want to, because it was just one more distraction from the ministry the church called me to do.

But sadly, certain people won’t listen to anybody but the pastor … and if he doesn’t get involved, nothing changes.

Fourth, sometimes the pastor is the only person who is willing to confront someone on a destructive pathway.

I once worked with a married staff member who was spending too much time with a single man.

Her “innocent” encounters with him were becoming more frequent and less indiscreet … negatively impacting both her job and her marriage.

Even though she had many friends … and they knew what she was doing … nobody had the courage to say anything to her.

Things were getting worse, so I lovingly spoke with her about the matter … and she became very upset … assuring me she wasn’t doing anything wrong.

A short while later, with another couple present, I spoke with her again.

Her friends didn’t say a word, while I spoke with her twice.

She quit her position and watched her marriage crumble. It was painful to watch.

But I had to do it, even though she never spoke to me again after our second meeting.

The pastor can’t be the only sheriff in a church. He needs some deputies.

Fifth, sometimes the pastor needs to share enforcement duties with other leaders.

One of my mentors used to tell me that whenever I had a difficult decision to make, I should take it to the governing leaders and “hide behind the board.”

Sometimes I would do just that, especially if I was uncertain how much authority I had to address a certain issue.

But if I already had the authority … like with church staff … I usually didn’t tell the board anything.

Maybe this is just my experience, but over 36 years in church ministry, I discovered that most church leaders cannot be counted on to enforce rules and policies, either because they are afraid of losing friends, or because they don’t know how to use their authority.

One time, my wife and I went to a restaurant after church one Sunday, and the youth directors were having a planning meeting there with their adult volunteers.

While that was commendable, I had made it clear to the youth leaders that all adult volunteers were expected to attend the first service, and engage in youth ministry during the second service. (You can’t have your adult volunteers … who are to be examples to the youth … not attending services.)

Well, the volunteers were skipping the first service and coming just for youth ministry … a definite no-no.

By this time, the youth directors were reporting to a different staff member, but he refused to enforce our policy.

So I had to speak with the staff member, as well as the youth directors … but as I learned later, nothing changed … and then matters became even worse.

This is the kind of stuff in a church that wears a pastor down. I don’t know how many times I tried to get someone … a board member, a staff member, a lay leader … to help me enforce certain guidelines, only to watch them wilt in the end.

That’s why many pastors stop asking other leaders for help and just enforce matters on their own.

Sixth, the pastor needs to address issues that concern him sooner rather than later.

I once heard Pastor Bill Hybels say that it’s the job of a leader to “intercept entropy.” That is, when a leader notices that things are going south, he has to go to the right person, describe what he’s seeing, and ask that changes be made.

When I was a young pastor, I would notice that certain things were wrong, but I’d sometimes let things slide.

But the older I got, the more quickly I addressed concerns, because things don’t get better when you fail to address them … they only get worse.

I tried to be gentle yet firm … but it wasn’t always easy for me to do.

Many years ago, I had a three-hour dinner with a nationally-known Christian leader. He was asking me questions about how I managed the church staff.

He said to me, “Jim, are you a responsible person?”

I said, “Yes, I’m very responsible.”

He replied, “Do you only have to be told to do something once?”

I said, “Yes, if you tell me to do something once, I do it right away.”

He responded, “Well, everyone is not like you.”

That exchange might not seem all that profound, but it opened up my eyes to the fact that some of my attempts at staff enforcement simply weren’t working because I naively assumed that everyone was like me … but they weren’t.

So the one thing I could control was to address issues quickly … as they arose … rather than wait for a “perfect time” that never came.

Finally, every church needs an enforcer other than the pastor.

I have a friend who served many years on the staff of one of America’s largest and most impactful churches.

He told me that the senior pastor … a name people know worldwide … always wore the white hat around the church campus.

People came to view him as their father … their uncle … and their friend. He was greatly beloved.

But the executive pastor was the one who wore the black hat. My friend would tell me stories where the executive would tell people to leave the campus and never come back.

If the senior pastor had become involved in enforcement issues, it would have resulted in a lot of bad blood between him and others … so he had somebody else do it instead.

This arrangement works well in a megachurch, and maybe even in a large church … but the smaller the church, the more enforcement duties fall directly on the pastor.

And the more times the pastor engages in enforcement, the more certain people resent him … and want to pay him back for taking them on.

I don’t know what percentage of conflict in a church occurs because a pastor tries to enforce rules/policies, or what percentage occurs because some people resent his interference.

But I do know this: enforcement issues sometimes kept me up all night.

When you pray for your pastor, toss in a prayer every now and then that God will give Him the wisdom to know when to enforce the rules … and when to let somebody else do it.

And if your pastor ever needs to speak with you, please … listen to him and cooperate.

Because, as Hebrews 13:17 tells us, someday he will have to give an account to the Ultimate Enforcer.

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Christian Wounded Warriors

Posted in Church Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged Church Coup, forced resignation of pastors, pastoral termination, wounded pastors on February 10, 2016| 8 Comments »

While watching television this morning, I saw a commercial I’ve seen scores of time before.

It was an ad for Wounded Warriors Project, including photos of American military veterans who have been severely injured during combat and are struggling to lead normal lives.

With the concerned face and deep voice of country singer Trace Adkins inviting viewers to support WWP financially, I’m sure these commercials are providing tens of thousands of dollars in revenue to help our vets in need … which is really wonderful.

But did you know there are thousands of former and current pastors who might also be termed Wounded Warriors?

Many of you do know … some of you may not.

I mention this because last week, I posted an article called “19 Things I’d Rather Do Than Attend a Church Board Meeting.” Although several Christian leaders told me they resonated with what I’d written … including a seminary professor and well-known author … one person … whom I do not know … left this comment:

“Articles on congregational and pastoral leadership written in bitterness following a painful dismissal are not particularly insightful or productive. This one is no exception.”

(My policy is to let comments stand, even when they’re negative. I don’t edit them, and only a handful of times have I chosen not to approve comments because I felt they made the writer look bad.)

Let me make several observations about this comment – which is atypical of the ones I normally receive – which will give me the opportunity to make some clarifications about my writing ministry:

*I tried to write an article that contrasted my previous calling as a pastor with my current job, which is serving with my wife caring for children in our home … and I made the point that at this point in my life, I prefer what I’m doing right now.

*As those who know me or my previous church situation knows, I wasn’t dismissed as pastor. I chose to resign because my wife was attacked as a way of forcing me to quit … an entirely different dynamic than usually occurs. That may be a “forced resignation,” but it wasn’t a “painful dismissal.”

*Even though I wrote a book about that 50-day conflict … and even though I refer to it on occasion in my blog … I usually write as if people are coming to my blog for the first time. This means that I sometimes will repeat myself … and risk boring my faithful readers … but I want my readers – especially pastors and their wives who have gone through a forced termination – to know that I understand what they are going through and that I feel their pain.

*I’m not bitter about what happened. I accepted my destiny long ago. I have no desire to hurt any of my detractors for what they did … I forgave them years before … nor to harm my former church in any way. But I am wounded, and always will be. How could I not be? My career in church ministry ended after 36 years! But I’m just one of thousands of God’s servants who have suffered similar mistreatment – like David, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Daniel, Paul, and Jesus – and were changed by the experience.

*The list of “19 Things” was tongue-in-cheek and presented in an ironic manner. My sermon prep teacher warned our class years ago not to use irony when we preach because many people don’t get it. It’s still true … but I still enjoy using it … even though I risk being misunderstood. Maybe I could have written that article better.

*My main takeaway from this comment was, “I don’t want to hear anything about the dismissal of a pastor from a congregation or the way he feels afterward. If I hear anything … regardless of the person’s experiences or motives … I will label it sour grapes.”

It’s this last observation that I’d like to address for a few moments.

When I started my blog in December 2010, and when my book Church Coup was published in March 2013, I made a conscious decision: to be willing to share in detail an attempt by a few people from my former congregation to force me out of my pastoral position. I also chose to share how I felt about it at the time … and to try and make a dent in the epidemic of forced terminations in Christian churches today. (I’d like to think that I’ve succeeded somewhat based on the thousands of views I’ve received for my article “If You Must Terminate a Pastor” as well as the number of pastors, board members, staff members, and laymen I’ve counseled over the past few years.)

I didn’t share everything that happened … it would have made the book much longer … and I intentionally left out parts that might make some individuals look bad. In fact, I spent six hours with an attorney reviewing the book’s contents so that I was telling my story accurately rather than wreaking revenge.

I knew that the book would never be a Christian bestseller, although I’ve sold more copies than I thought I would.

I assumed that some Christian leaders would severely criticize me for revealing information that normally stays hidden inside a congregation, although I masked the church’s name … the city where it’s located … and the real names of those who wished me harm. However, while I’m ignorant of what has been said about my book in private, few leaders have criticized me to my face, and many have thanked me for writing and getting the issue out into the open.

I shared how I felt about the conflict because I’m not a programmed robot; I’m a real person with real feelings. A Christian counselor told me, “If you want to help others, don’t ever forget how you felt when you were going through your conflict.” Some Christians are uncomfortable reading about how a pastor feels after a forced exit … and someday I’ll speculate on why that is … but I will continue to inject emotion into my writing because it takes too much effort to suppress it.

Some Christian leaders view forced terminations both cynically and politically. Their attitude is, “You were pressured to resign. You lost, your opponents won. That’s just the way it goes. Shut up about it now.” I am troubled by that attitude because it guarantees that forced terminations – along with all the damage they cause – will continue unabated in Christian churches … although I certainly don’t want to bleed all over the place whenever I write!

The Christian community as a whole does not want to hear about pastoral termination or to hear from its victims. We’d rather banish such pastors … call them “losers” … and tape their mouths shut.

Many years ago, a prominent Christian psychiatrist – who had counseled hundreds of pastors who had experienced a forced exit, along with their wives – wanted to write a book about the subject. He pitched it to a major Christian publisher … and they turned him down. The assumption was, “Who wants to read about pastors who have been terminated?”

The Christian community wants to keep this issue buried because (a) it’s poor marketing for the Christian faith; (b) it exposes glaring weaknesses in congregational life; (c) it reveals hatred and bitterness among church leaders; and (d) it negates the power of the gospel to reconcile relationships.

But don’t Christians believe in redemption … even for ex-pastors?

Can’t we learn something significant from the stories of those who have been forced out unjustly?

Why would we want to silence such pastors?

What are we as Christians afraid of?

Wouldn’t the wider Christian community benefit from an honest discussion of this issue?

Because when a forced termination is handled poorly … and they usually are … forces are unleashed in a church that people can’t control … and those forces damage lots of people … as well as their church’s future.

This is the 491st blog post I’ve written. On occasion, I’ve written about baseball … music … travel … even cemeteries! … and I’ll do more of that in the future.

But I know why people come to my blog in the first place: because I deal with the topic of pastoral termination … in all its many ramifications … and in an authentic and thorough fashion.

When I was in the Doctor of Ministry program at Fuller Seminary, my focus was on church conflict. My editor couldn’t believe the examples I used in my dissertation because she wasn’t aware of what goes on in Christian churches behind closed doors.

But God has called me to this ministry, and I will continue to speak up … and speak out … as long as He gives me breath.

Thank you for reading!

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A Day in the Life of a Pastor

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged church conflict, pastor's schedule, pastoral stress, sources of pastoral stress on January 14, 2016| 11 Comments »

Pastor Karl woke up Monday morning with a splitting headache at 4:37 am after having the same nightmare he’d had for the past few weeks.

It was Sunday morning – 15 minutes before the worship service was scheduled to begin – and he had not prepared his sermon.

Karl wondered, “Why do I keep having the same nightmare?” Whenever he got up to preach, he was always well-prepared … and everybody knew it.

Unable to get back to sleep, Karl stumbled into his home study, rubbed his eyes, and tried to have his quiet time. As he read from 1 Kings about Elijah, that day’s packed schedule flooded into his mind. He became so overwhelmed that he kept reading the same lines from Scripture over and over … but he couldn’t seem to grasp their meaning.

After a brief time of prayer, Karl sat in his chair, turned on the news, and fell asleep.

Waking with a start at 7:23, Karl awoke to find his two children had already left for school with his wife Valerie … so for a few minutes, he had the house all to himself.

As he ate breakfast, cleaned up, and got dressed, Karl continued to review that day’s schedule. He kept telling himself, “I will be home tonight by 10 pm … I will be home tonight by 10 pm.”

Karl arrived at his church study at Family Bible Church at 8:28. After putting his things on his desk, he walked into the church office to greet Amy, his office manager. She promptly handed Karl an envelope and said, “It’s another anonymous letter … the second one within a week. I think you better read it.”

Karl replied, “It’s not our policy to read unsigned correspondence. If they don’t care enough to go on the record, how can we weigh their complaints or respond to their grievances?”

Amy responded, “I still think you should read it.”

Karl gave it back to her and told her to destroy it.

After signing some letters, Karl asked Amy, “Do you have the numbers from yesterday?” Amy handed them to Karl.

For the third straight Sunday, overall attendance was down. Karl couldn’t figure it out. His sermons on marriage were relevant, the services seemed inspiring, and he’d received some great feedback from a cross-section of the congregation about his messages.

But the attendance figures didn’t reflect his optimism.

Just as ominous, Karl noticed that the offering was abysmal … about 25% less than the average amount the church needed every week to make budget. Nothing made any sense.

Demoralized, Karl walked toward his office and was intercepted by the worship pastor, who reminded Karl that he would be on vacation the next two Sundays. Just what we need, Karl said to himself: the B Team will be leading worship when we need the quality of the A Team more than ever.

Just as Karl breathed a brief prayer to the Lord for strength, Amy buzzed him and told him that Patti, the women’s team leader, was on the phone. Patti was upset with the way the last two women’s events had gone … so upset that she threatened to quit. Karl spent 45 minutes he didn’t have trying to get her to reconsider.

As he left his office for a much-needed bathroom break, Karl was intercepted by Joe and Tom, two of the seniors. They wanted to know if Karl had a minute for them. Karl assured them he would speak with them as soon as he returned from the men’s room.

Joe and Tom told Karl that several of the seniors were upset with him over his recent sermon on marriage … specifically the sermon where Karl preached on 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, Paul’s instructions on sex to married couples in Corinth. The two men told Karl that the language he used was too graphic for some of the seniors to handle and that they would boycott the rest of his series on marriage as a result.

Karl tried to explain that for those under 60, the terms he used were mild and demonstrated relevance, but the two men said, “We just view ourselves as messengers. We thought you needed to know.”

An anonymous letter … poor attendance and giving stats … the B team leading worship … and now a seniors’ boycott. Karl wondered, “What else can go wrong today?”

Karl slipped into the worship center and tried to reach his wife on her cell phone … just for support … but she didn’t answer.

He prayed a brief prayer and returned to his study.

Checking his emails, Karl received two encouraging notes thanking him for last Sunday’s message on sex in marriage … but he also received two notes telling him that his sermon was too graphic. Karl answered them all. With one of the critical notes, he wrote several paragraphs … just for self-therapy … but then he erased everything and wrote a two-sentence reply instead.

Lunch was approaching, and Karl was scheduled to meet with Tim, whose family had been coming to the church for several weeks. When Karl arrived at the restaurant at the scheduled time of 11:45, Tim was nowhere to be found. He finally showed up at 12:10, causing Karl stress because he had so much to do that day.

Tim said some encouraging things about Family Bible, but then told Karl that if he had and his family were to stay, they needed to see improvement in the youth and children’s ministries. Because Tim had an important position in a large company, Karl momentarily imagined him giving several thousand dollars a month to the church … helping to alleviate those nagging budgetary difficulties … but Karl swatted that thought away. He then told Tim, “I will speak to the leaders of both ministries and see what I can do.”

When Karl returned from lunch, he looked through his mail, returned several phone calls, and then sat down for a marriage counseling session with a key couple from church. Both partners led important ministries, and Karl had no idea there was anything wrong in their relationship.

An hour later, Karl felt like throwing up. The woman claimed that her husband was guilty of physical abuse … the husband apologized for his temper … and Karl knew he couldn’t counsel them any further, so he recommended them to a local Christian counselor. But now he knew too much about this couple’s relationship. How could the husband remain a leader at church … and what was really going on in their marriage?

Since it was mid-afternoon, Karl decided to take a walk, and he ended up at the local drug store. Trying to get his head together by killing a few minutes, two women from the church saw Karl and began telling them about problems they were having with their adult children. Karl listened as best he could … offered to pray for them … and walked back to church … the last place he wanted to go.

After answering a few more emails and phone calls, Mike, the board chairman, showed up at Karl’s office for his 4 pm appointment. The two leaders were supposed to review the agenda for that evening’s board meeting. Karl asked Mike if he knew anything about the seniors’ boycott, and Mike assured Karl that he had heard nothing about it.

Mike then spent most of the session detailing his problems at work … draining Karl even further.

At 5:15, Karl drove home. He changed clothes … looked at the mail … greeted his wife … conversed with his kids for a few minutes … and drove right back to church.

The board meeting … which began at 6 pm to accommodate the schedules of the board members … went downhill fast. The board always reviewed the attendance and giving numbers, and two board members in particular wanted Mike to explain why both indicators were plunging. Mike stammered out a response … he wasn’t ready for this grilling … but they didn’t seem satisfied. “Oh, no,” Karl thought, “why aren’t they more supportive? What’s going on around here?”

During the meeting, Karl received a text. The senior leading the boycott against Karl’s marriage sermons was taken to the emergency room of the county hospital … 30 minutes away. Should Karl stay in the board meeting or go to the hospital?

Karl asked the board. They told him to go to the hospital. When Karl got there, the senior had been placed in a room, and it was too late to see him.

Now Karl worried about what the board would say about him in his absence.

When he arrived home at 10:17, Karl’s wife Valerie was waiting for him. She told him about her day … he told her about his … and they both went to bed.

But again, Karl had a hard time sleeping.

_______________

Being a pastor looks so glamorous to many people. When the pastor stands up to preach on a Sunday morning, his voice is magnified … the lights shine on him … he seems to be in command … and best of all, he seems to be speaking for God.

My guess is that many young people sense a call to ministry by imagining themselves preaching to an enraptured congregation.

But preaching is only a small portion of church ministry for most pastors, even if it’s what most people think about when they mentally picture their pastor.

But the real work of ministry happens Monday through Saturday … behind the scenes … in a church’s offices and hallways as well as community restaurants … and it’s anything but glamorous.

Church ministry is incredibly stressful work. The late management expert Peter Drucker said that being a local church pastor is one of the four most difficult jobs in America.

Why is this?

*People come at the pastor from all angles: appointments … phone calls … emails … letters … and even when he’s shopping. And every time, the pastor feels like he has to be “on.”

*Church ministry is incredibly slow work. People change slowly. Congregations change even more slowly. Pastors may be in a hurry for positive change, but almost nobody else is.

*Pastors have a hard time defining success. Is it measured by statistics? A full schedule? Changed lives? Faithfulness?

*Pastors are expected to give themselves completely to their congregations … but when can they replenish their own energy and strength? After all, they work nights and weekends … times most people use to replenish themselves.

*Pastors often don’t know what people really think about them … and maybe that’s the only way they can stay sane. But they also don’t know what people are saying about them, either, and such talk can end a pastor’s position … or career.

*Pastors can feel momentum shifting away from them in a congregation … and it feels like a very slow death.

_______________

I’ve had many days in church ministry like Pastor Karl. In fact, much of Karl’s Very Bad Day originates from memories of my own time in ministry.

How do you feel about what I’ve written?

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Restoring Kingdom Builders

Archive for the ‘Conflict with Church Antagonists’ Category

Seven Warning Signs a Pastor is in Trouble

Showdown at the Denominational Convention

Strengthening Your Church’s Immune System, Part 2

Strengthening Your Church’s Immune System, Part 1

Four Reasons Terminated Pastors Cut Off Christian Friends

Where Does Hatred Against Pastors Come From?

Making Charges Against a Pastor

The Pastor as Ecclesiastical Enforcer

Christian Wounded Warriors

A Day in the Life of a Pastor

“Church Coup”

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Church Conflict

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Pastor Abusers

Pastors and Burnout

Pastors and Forced Termination

Archive for the ‘Conflict with Church Antagonists’ Category

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“Church Coup”

Categories

Archives

Follow Blog via Email

Church Conflict

Conflict Resolution Groups I Recommend

Pastor Abusers

Pastors and Burnout

Pastors and Forced Termination