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Three Mistakes Church Leaders Make Regarding Conflict

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on November 3, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Our family bought a house last spring, and one of its many wonderful features is a three-car garage.

About one-third of the garage is filled with file boxes containing my books, sermons, teaching lessons, and other assorted items from 36 years in church ministry.

I’ve been trying to create more space in the garage by tossing as many of those files as I can, but one kind of file in particular has been sending me into mini-depressions.

Those files contain written documentation of conflicts that I’ve experienced over the course of my ministry life.

If I could blame all those conflicts on others, I would.

But in some cases, I didn’t handle matters as well as I could have … and it pains me to think about that, even for a second.

Whenever a church has a major conflict, there are often unreasonable, obstinate, irrational leaders and lay people involved.

But pastors and church leaders can do a much better job of teaching and modeling what God’s Word says about how to handle our differences as well.

Let me share three mistakes that pastors and church leaders often make that can help create church conflict:

The first mistake is that the pastor fails to teach on biblical conflict resolution often enough.

It’s the pastor’s job to teach his congregation, “This is how we handle conflict in our church family.”

Many pastors are afraid to do this, and for the life of me, I can’t understand why.

I once knew a pastor who found it relatively easy to confront people one-on-one about the sins in their lives.

That was always hard for me to do.

But he found it difficult to confront people’s sins from the pulpit … something that came naturally for me.

So I realize we’re all different, but I believe that a pastor has to plan at least one Sunday every year where he reminds the congregation, “This is how we deal with our differences around here.”

Some pastors prefer to preach through books of the Bible, and that’s commendable, but you can preach for years and never hit the key biblical passages on conflict resolution.

It has to be done intentionally.

It might be wise for a pastor to do a series … maybe four or five weeks … on conflict in general.  Touch on issues like conflict in the home … the workplace … with friends … and in the church.

Let people submit questions in writing on the conflicts they are experiencing all through the series, and then answer the best questions on the final Sunday.

Then announce, “This series has been so fruitful that I’m going to preach an annual sermon on conflict resolution from Scripture.”

My suggestion would be to schedule that sermon around the time of the annual meeting and budget presentation.

If the pastor never teaches on conflict resolution, how will people know how to act if they’re upset about something?

The second mistake is that church leaders have not devised healthy feedback mechanisms.

During my second pastorate, our church had a large wooden Suggestion Box, which I inherited from the previous administration.

If churchgoers weren’t happy with something, they could write a note and drop it in the box.

One Sunday, I held the box up during a sermon, made a negative comment about it, and then placed it inside the pulpit.

I didn’t like that box because it allowed people to write anonymous notes of complaint.

But what I failed to do was give people a healthy alternative instead.

There are many unhealthy ways that churchgoers express their negativity, but it’s up to church leaders to give them healthier ways to share their concerns.

I’ll mention three quick ones:

*Let the pastor and board conduct an all-church survey at least annually … maybe in the spring.  Cut the Sunday service(s) short by ten minutes and ask people to fill out the surveys where they’re seated.  Ask a handful (maybe five) open-ended questions that call for a positive response.  For example:

Why do you attend our church?

What are we doing well?

Where do we need improvement?

Where would you like to see us in five years?

Then tabulate the responses and put them all on the church website.  Don’t fear the negative responses … they will usually be drowned out by the positive ones. (When I did this once, under improvement, someone wrote, “Get a new pastor.”)

*Hold an informational meeting at least annually.  Let the pastor/staff/board present the church’s goals and budget for the next year.  Then ask people if they have any questions or concerns about the presentation.  If the leaders really listen, many people will share their true feelings, but do so in a structured way.

*Designate several times a year for the pastor to take questions from the people of the church.  He can do this in a large meeting … a smaller forum … or online.  (Maybe try all three to see what works best.)  When he does this, he needs one or two key church leaders to monitor the discussions and to support the pastor in case things go south.

The beauty of these approaches is that:

*the pastor and official leaders are being proactive, not reactive

*the leaders can stay in touch with the congregation better

*the leaders come off as being transparent

*if people complain in inappropriate ways, the leaders can ask them, “Why didn’t you speak up when we had our survey/meeting/forum?”

Over the years, I’ve discovered that people want their say far more than they want their way.

If feedback opportunities are spread throughout the church year, leaders will usually be able to head off any major disgruntlement.

But the one thing church leaders cannot do is to prohibit churchgoers from expressing their opinions and feelings.  Better to channel their concerns in a structured manner than to provide zero feedback mechanisms.

I know a church where the pastor did one of the most reprehensible things I’ve ever heard.  (I have the documentation.)  But whenever churchgoers went to church leaders and expressed their concerns, they were told, “If that’s your attitude, you can leave the church.”

If the leaders want people to attend, serve, and give, the very least they can do is listen to them if they want to express a concern.

The third mistake is that church leaders forget to remind churchgoers of the biblical principles for conflict resolution and the existing feedback mechanisms.

A wise board member once told me, “Most sermons don’t contain a lot of new information.  They’re just reminders.”

We all forget how to act like a Christian at times.

Maybe we’re not feeling well physically … or we’re dealing with frustration at home … or we’re afraid we’re going to lose our job … and we bring our concerns to church.

And when something makes us feel uncomfortable, we overreact emotionally and start spreading our discontent to others.

In fact, even the best Christians get upset about something at church from time-to-time.

And when that happens, they need to be reminded, “How do you think God wants you to handle your feelings right now?”

This is why I believe that every church should have some sort of written brochure that specifies “how we handle conflict around here.”

Let’s say that Joe is upset after a service because he didn’t like something the pastor said in his sermon.

So Joe goes up to Harold … a board member … and starts ripping on the pastor.

Harold should pull Joe aside … listen to him … ask some questions … and then say to Harold, “I suggest that you read this brochure on how we handle conflict in our church and then contact the pastor directly about your feelings.  I have found that he is a good listener and that he really cares for every person in this church.  Will you promise me you’ll do that?”

What are the chances that Harold is going to go home and either hit the phones or complain online?

He might … but he’s also been told by a church leader how to handle his concerns in a biblical and healthy manner.

And if Harold finds out that Joe isn’t handling matters wisely, he has every right to contact him and remind him what to do.

When it comes to handling conflict wisely, we all need reminders, don’t we?

_______________

The first three mistakes have to do with failures on the part of the pastor, staff, and official board.

The final four mistakes have to do with failures on the part of disgruntled congregational members.

I’ll write on that next time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Eighth Anniversary of a Church Coup, Part 2

Posted in Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on October 26, 2017| 3 Comments »

Over the past six years, I’ve heard many heart-wrenching stories about pastors being attacked by church leaders.

One pastor of a large congregation was fired without warning and without any severance.

Two pastors were falsely accused of stealing money from their churches.  In both situations, their attackers brought in law enforcement.

One man served three churches as pastor … and was forced out of all three.

And I’ve heard about many coup attempts, either by the board or the associate pastor.

Out of all the stories I’ve heard, ours is still among the top three worst conflicts.

(You can read Part 1 of this article by clicking on the green link above the title on the left.)

Once allegations have been made against a pastor, he has to trust whatever process was already in place to allow him a fair hearing, or his position … and maybe his career … are toast.

The length of our conflict was exactly fifty days from the board meeting on October 24, 2009 until our last Sunday on December 13.

When the board met with me in October, they attempted to checkmate my wife and me in various ways.

One avenue they used … and it’s used by most boards that attack their pastor … was to impose a gag order on me in the name of “confidentiality.”

The board tells the pastor that they don’t want him discussing their concerns with anyone else.  That’s how they control you.

The board told me to keep matters private (they never asked me), but I never agreed to any confidentiality because I knew it was a trap.

But the biggest trap of all was the board’s threat to quit.  They said, “We’re all willing to resign over this issue … and we’ll give Kim the choice of being fired or resigning.”

But the strong implication was that if she didn’t resign, they would all resign instead.

Why did the board issue such an ultimatum?

I can only guess.

I don’t know exactly how many pastors, staffers, board members, and churchgoers I’ve worked with over the past six years, but I still haven’t heard any stories about a board that threatened to resign en masse.

In my 36 years of church ministry, I never issued even one ultimatum in a meeting.  It’s a power move.

If I said, “I must get my way, or I’ll quit,” someone might respond, “Then we want your resignation tomorrow morning.”

One pastor friend told me he would have said, “I’ve had enough of this.  You want to resign?  Let’s have your resignations right now.”

Not one of the many boards I served with over 25 years as a solo or senior pastor ever would have pulled such a stunt.

The board’s threat wasn’t spiritual in any way.  They didn’t leave any room for discussion or negotiation.

The board had arrested, judged, and sentenced my wife without meeting with her directly or letting her respond to their charges.

And they never made their case to me.

I was told verbally that my wife had overspent her budgets, and when I asked for a figure, I knew it was way overblown.

The signal that the board wasn’t playing fair is that they didn’t prepare a list of her spending for me.  As the pastor … and a board member … wasn’t I entitled to see it?

The night of October 24, the board met with several staff members, and added two charges to their list.

Five nights later, when two board members met with Kim (at my request) to explain their actions, they added even more charges.

Why wasn’t the overspending charge enough?

If a pastor is caught having illicit sex in a hotel room, that’s all you need to fire him.  You don’t need to say, “And you were rude at a board meeting three months ago” as well.

So why add charges?

When Kim didn’t resign immediately after the board made the overspending charge, they had to add charges to force her to quit.

And that was not only cruel, it was also a form of retribution.

There is no justification for the way the board acted.  They violated the church constitution which clearly stated that the senior pastor had to recommend the termination of any staff member to the board before anyone could be dismissed.

Someone was pushing matters … hard … so Kim would resign of her own accord.

And the expectation was that when she quit, I would quit as well.

_______________

Several years after the coup attempt, I asked someone inside that church, “What are the chances that the board was really after Kim and not me?”

Their reply: “Zero.”

So if the board wanted me to resign, why didn’t they come after me directly?

Because, in my view, they didn’t have anything impeachable they could use against me … not even my minute-long rant … and certainly nothing they could tell the congregation … so they went after my wife instead.

As someone on the inside later told me, they viewed us as a single entity … Jim/Kim, if you will.  (If you nail Kim, you nail Jim.)

Even though we didn’t work together very often, we did … and do … love each other very much … even though I quickly corrected her whenever she stepped out of line … something I did in the car and at home (and with a level of scrutiny no other staff member had to endure)!

Five days after that October 24 meeting, Kim still had not quit.  We both sought outside counsel, and were told, “If Kim doesn’t think she did anything wrong, and she resigns, that would be a lie.  Let the board fire her instead.”

But the board didn’t want to fire her, because they would have endured the wrath of most of the congregation.  They had to make it look like she resigned herself even though they had already “terminated” her.

At this point, I’m going to pull a veil over what happened next to Kim.  Let’s just say that Satan attacked her in a brutal fashion, and that I feared for her very life.  She was later diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Her suffering was the primary reason I eventually resigned.

After the dust settled, I was able to forgive people for what they did to me, but found it extremely difficult to forgive those who had hurt Kim … not only because she is my wife, but because she was the person who best exemplified our mission.

If the board had only followed Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15-17 instead of business practices, matters might have turned out much differently.

Because six days after the October 24 meeting … the day before Halloween … the associate pastor resigned.  And the day after Halloween … the entire board resigned.

Looking back, what was the single most difficult matter for you?

It was having people I thought were my friends turn on me without waiting to hear my side of the story.

The associate pastor turned on me … as did the entire board … as did my predecessor.  That’s eight Christian leaders.

And I was told by someone on the inside that I could have survived the board’s departure, but that the associate’s betrayal ultimately did me in.

Their approach wasn’t biblical … spiritual … loving … or redemptive.  In fact, it felt like hatred.

It was devastating to know that false narratives were circulating around the congregation.  Based on my personal character and ministry history, most people had to know they weren’t true.

Every time I saw someone on the campus after that, I wondered, “What do you know?  Are you for me, or against me?”

I knew who some of my opponents were.  It was no surprise.  But when long-time friends turn on you … it’s heartbreaking.

After the board resigned together, they should have stuck to their initial narrative.

But they didn’t.  Allegation after allegation leaked out from those leaders as justification for their departures even though they had never discussed those issues with me personally.

Their attitude seemed to be, “That charge isn’t gaining traction.  Let’s try another one.”

The aim of my detractors was to destroy my reputation, and they didn’t seem to care how they did it.

And I had no forum in which to defend myself.

When churchgoers hear accusations against their pastor, but he doesn’t answer the charges, they assume the accusations are true.

And that’s when the pastor loses most of his church friends.

Dennis Murray writes: “Antagonists see themselves as saving the parish from a pastor that could more accurately be labeled a reprobate.  They are equally determined that their fellow parish members and all the folks in the greater community see things their way.  In order to establish bragging rights they try to control the story.  They need to do so by making sure that their target does not have any opportunity for rebuttal.”

When the “fire Kim” plan backfired, the “destroy Jim” plot was put in its place.

And it worked well.

I didn’t get my side out until I published my book more than three years later … and by then, my viewpoint was irrelevant.

If I had to do it over again, I would have written out the allegations I had heard … responded to each one on paper … and then made sure that my supporters distributed them throughout the church after I left.

That might have stopped some of the lies that were circulating about me … but, of course, my detractors would have just created new ones.

One day, I received an anonymous letter in the mail.  It demanded that we both RESIGN.  Kim and I were both scheduled that night to meet with the newly-elected board, and I gave the letter to someone who tried to determine who sent it … although he never did.

Kim met with the new board … they even prayed for her … and I met with them afterwards to announce my resignation.

We both appeared to be stubborn at times in our interactions with top leaders, but our seeming intractability wasn’t personal obstinance.  Instead, we were both completely committed to the church’s outreach mission which had been approved eight years before.

On my last Sunday, I urged the church to keep its outreach orientation.

But as soon as we left, our ministries were dismantled and the church quickly flipped back into maintenance mode.

What lessons have you learned from this experience?

Let me share four lessons as they relate to a church’s mission:

If a church really wants to reach its community, that mission must stay on track at all times.

Kim and I had learned this lesson at our church in Silicon Valley.

The staff, board, and key leaders were completely behind the mission of reaching lost people … on paper and in practice.

That commitment created incredible purpose, synergy, and power … and for that reason, that will always be my favorite church.

But during 2009, the commitment to mission was on paper among the board and associate pastor, but it wasn’t being carried out in practice.

There were people who rallied around us because of the board’s actions.  They were the ones who had made the church grow for years.  They served selflessly and gave generously.

By contrast, most of the board members had little to do with the church’s success, and four of the six did not serve in any extra-board capacity.

After creating great damage, the board and associate ran away.

But Kim and I didn’t run.  We waited until a new board was elected … until an investigation was completed … until we were offered separation packages by the new board … and until we had one last Sunday to say goodbye and offer people closure.

If staff members aren’t on board with a church’s mission, they should resign.

Can you imagine how it felt to have the outreach director fully committed to the mission while the associate pastor wasn’t?

It created friction between them.

The associate knew that he wasn’t in sync with the mission.  He told me near the end of his tenure that he should have resigned a long time before.

Why not fire staff who resist the mission?

I know someone who pastored a megachurch for years.  He fired a staff member, and the board instantly rehired him.  The pastor quickly resigned.

When there is conflict between the pastor and a staff member, boards sometimes stand with the senior pastor, and sometimes stand with staffers … and no one can predict which way they’ll lean.

One of my biggest regrets is that I let the associate pastor wiggle his way onto the church board in a non-voting capacity.

Kim warned me what would happen if I let that occur.  She was right.

When the board attacks the pastor, they attack the mission as well.

Pastors know that it’s difficult to convince a church to be outreach-oriented on paper, much less in practice.

When a church calls a pastor, they are looking for someone who fits their culture and community.

If it’s true that only 15-20% of all churches are growing … and that 80-85% are stagnating or declining … then forcing out a growth pastor can be suicidal for a church’s future.

What are the chances that the church will hire another pastor who has the training and experience to do successful outreach?

The odds aren’t very good.

A congregation can find scores of pastors who will pursue maintenance, but it’s challenging to find someone who understands reaching a community.

And once outreach is killed off, it can take years to resurrect it … so many churches end up wandering in the wilderness instead.

When the mission has been surrendered, the pastor has to leave.

If a church’s leaders want to change the mission, they need to go through the pastor rather than around him.

The board could have told me, “We don’t want to do outreach ministry anymore.  It requires too much risk-taking … it costs too much … and it’s creating too much conflict.  We want to be a church that reaches Christians instead.  That’s how we really feel.”

Had they been that explicit, I would have quietly looked for another ministry and then departed.

I came to the church because I only wanted to pastor an outreach-oriented congregation.  Having spent years spinning my wheels in churches going nowhere, I could never go back.

_______________

As you’ve read my story, please don’t feel sorry for me or for my wife.

The Lord catapulted us out of ministry because He knew that the outreach sentiment among the leaders had changed and that we couldn’t be in a church like that anymore.

As I’ve said on many occasions … we left at the right time … just not in the best way.

Did we make mistakes?

Of course.  Even the best pastors and staffers do.

But to this day, I maintain that we never committed any major offenses, and certainly nothing that merited the mistreatment we received.

In fact, many of the offenses we were later charged with had to do with how we handled the 50-day conflict, not how we handled our ministries.

Why revisit the coup eight years later?

*It’s a way of cleansing my soul.  Pastors who experience a forced termination are afraid to discuss it with anyone, much less write about it.

But I’m here to say, “I understand what you’ve gone through and how you’ve been feeling.  And the more you discuss it, the more quickly you will recover.”

If I can help you or someone you know with a coup attempt or a pastoral attack, please write me at jim@restoringkingdombuilders.org.  I love hearing people’s stories … and I know I can help.

*I want pastors and Christian leaders to read my account … both on this blog, and in my book … and ask, “How would we handle a similar situation?  What would we do differently?  Let’s create or strengthen procedures that are biblical, just, loving, and redemptive.”

I spent hours with the pastor of a megachurch and his wife last year, and they bought copies of my book for their top leaders to read and discuss.  I felt humbled and honored by their actions.

*I want my friends to know why I’m no longer in church ministry.

It takes pastors one to three years to recover from a “sheep attack,” and much of that recovery is emotional.

Three years after leaving my last church, I became interim pastor of a wonderful church in New Hampshire.

After I returned to California, my director wanted to send me to another church back east, but after Kim and I spent four days there, we decided against it.

I spoke with my ministry mentor the day after we returned home.  After I told him what happened over those four days, he said, “Jim, if you and Kim go there, it will permanently damage your souls.”

Our souls were already damaged.

Thank God He specializes in healing damaged souls.

 

 

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The Eighth Anniversary of a Church Coup, Part 1

Posted in Church Coup Excerpts, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , , on October 24, 2017| 8 Comments »

“You never need to explain yourself to anyone.  Your true friends don’t require an explanation.  And your enemies won’t believe anything you say.”  Dr. Dennis Murray, Healing For Pastors & People Following a Sheep Attack

On October 24, 2009 – eight years ago today – a coup was attempted at the Bay Area church I had pastored for nine years.

The official board consulted with … and likely collaborated with … the church’s founding pastor (my predecessor) to push me out as pastor.

Somewhere along the line, the associate pastor signed onto the coup, along with churchgoers who were loyal to my predecessor.

Even though I wrote my book Church Coup (published in 2013) as a cautionary tale, I revisit the conflict on this blog every October 24 to see if my perspective has broadened and deepened.  (If you’d like a more detailed description of what happens inside a church when a pastor is attacked, my book – which is on Amazon – may be of interest to you.)

I have no desire to convince my detractors that they behaved unwisely or even cruelly, so this article is not aimed at them, but I am including information I’ve never shared before.

This time, I’ve decided to answer eight questions about the conflict, and hope that my responses will provide insight into coup attempts involving other pastors.

We’ll do Part 1 today, and Part 2 in two days.

What was the coup really about?

I believe the coup was really about stopping the church’s mission, which was designed to reach people without Christ.

When I was hired as associate pastor in June 1999, the senior pastor – a friend for years – wanted me to continue his efforts to reach unchurched people.

We served together eighteen months, and then he retired and I became senior pastor.  (The congregation had approved me as senior pastor-elect seven months before.)

Over time, I had earned solid credentials.

I had been the senior pastor of an outreach-oriented church in Silicon Valley for seven years and had served as teaching pastor of a similar church.  I had also received extensive training from Willow Creek and Saddleback Churches.

My wife had undergone the same kind of training and had served alongside me at the Silicon Valley church.  When it came to outreach-oriented ministry, we both knew what we were doing.

So I wasn’t changing the church’s charter, but clarifying it … expanding it … and furthering it.

Several months after I became pastor, I invited Dr. Gary McIntosh – one of the foremost experts on growing churches in the world – to lead a series of workshops for our leadership team, and 43 people came.  The time with Gary was extremely productive.

We also had a professional facilitator inside the church oversee the creation of our mission and vision statements … starting with congregational input, and ending with board approval.

So I received wide support for our mission during my first few years, which enabled the church to grow numerically in a highly resistant community and to construct a new worship center.

But toward the end of my tenure, the mission was being sabotaged from within.

Who was sabotaging the mission?

We hired an associate pastor in early 2007 who told me before he was hired that he wanted to be in an outreach-oriented church, but after he arrived, he began to resist the mission because it made him too uncomfortable.

We called a husband-wife team as our youth directors a few years before that, but long after they were hired, they confessed that they didn’t believe in the mission, either.

It was difficult serving alongside key leaders who weren’t with us … and their lack of support eventually became obvious.

For years, I received my greatest support from the official board, and our church grew to become the largest Protestant church in our city.

And with that support, I was able to overcome most staff resistance.

But as 2009 approached, we lost three key board members.  All three men were older than me.  All three supported me fully.  And all three constantly had my back.

As we added new board members, every one was younger than me and involved in business.  I naively assumed they were all behind our outreach mission.

On paper, they were.  In practice, they weren’t.

They began viewing the ministry through “maintenance eyes,” not “mission eyes” … and in my view, had a “money comes before ministry” mentality.

But the one person most committed to an outreach-oriented church was my wife Kim.  I could always count on her.

How did the conflict about mission lead to your departure?

I once had a conversation with a pastor friend whose church was growing rapidly.  He told me, “There are many people in this church who are trying to change our direction so we only reach Christians, but I can’t let that happen.  You have to keep the mission of reaching people for Christ front and center or the church will go off track.”  His comment always stuck with me.

For most of my time in that church, both the leaders and the congregation were solidly behind the mission.

But as we got deeper into 2009, my wife and I were continuing to go in an outreach direction, while the associate and the board were going in an opposite direction … without any formal discussion.

Let me share one story to illustrate this polarization.

As the summer of 2009 ended, we had a part-time staff member in charge of small groups.  She did a great job, putting together thirty groups at one point.  But when she moved away, the small group ministry fell to the person originally hired to oversee it: the associate pastor.

Only he had never been in a small group in his life.

Every year, we announced that year’s groups at a small group fair.  The leaders would stand behind tables and present their groups to interested parties.  People would sign up at the tables and write down their phone numbers/email addresses.

In an outreach-oriented church, the leaders contact those who signed up. We reach out to them.

But the associate pastor vehemently believed that those interested should call the leaders instead … and then accused me of “coddling” people when I disagreed.

I wasn’t coddling anybody.  I wanted the maximum number of people in those groups because that’s where real life change happens in a congregation.  And the best way for people to join a group is for someone to invite them.

But the staff member with zero small group experience thought he knew better than the pastor with more than twenty years of small group experience … and that ministry began to collapse.

And that’s how my last year at the church went.  Resistance, sabotage, passive-aggressive behavior … and I could feel it.

And when that kind of climate develops, you’re going to make some mistakes … and every one will be recorded and counted against you.

Just for the record, those who resisted my leadership were all in contact … and later collaboration … with my predecessor.

When did matters finally come to a head?

The year 2008 was the best year our church ever had.  We had 785 people on Easter Sunday … had nine Sundays over 500 people … and enjoyed our highest average Sunday attendance ever … all on a one-acre campus that was nearly invisible from the street.

You might recall that 2009 was a difficult year economically, and after two years of generous giving in our church, we were about five tithing families short of meeting our budget, which caused great anxiety on the board.

Even though Kim had made plans for outreach events and two mission trips, the board set up procedures designed to slow or limit those activities.  Most of the staff were frustrated by the board’s micromanagement, but the board expected me to keep the staff in line.

I wanted to start a third service to reach a younger demographic, and so with board approval, eleven of us – including two board members and two staff members – visited two churches in Southern California to learn how to add that service.

After many months of work, the board turned down my proposal for a third service at a special meeting, and it became evident that we weren’t in sync.

On paper, our church was still outreach-oriented.  In practice, it was starting to flip backwards.

At the next regular board meeting, we started at 6:00 pm and were still going strong by 10:00 pm.

About 10:10 pm, the chairman stated that the church budget was frozen for the rest of the year and that nobody should even ask for more funds.

I was shocked.  Nobody had discussed this with me in advance, but it was clear that the board had colluded together in making this decision.

Trying to be conciliatory, I told the board that I had already announced to the congregation that we were going to produce a special drama for our upcoming anniversary called A Divine Comedy.  We had already obtained the script and were in the process of holding auditions.  The play was going to cost some money, but if we couldn’t find it in the budget, then I told the board, “I’ll ask several people with the gift of giving to donate the funds.”

The chairman responded to my comment by saying, “No.”

What?  The board was telling the pastor that he couldn’t raise money?

I should have calmly asked, “What do you mean, the budget is frozen?  Who made that decision?  When was it made?  Why wasn’t I included?”

Instead, I lost it.

I don’t know how long my rant lasted … maybe a minute? … but I told the board that it wasn’t fun working with them anymore and that the staff didn’t want to take any risks because the board had started micromanaging them. (Managing them had always been my job, not theirs.)

After the meeting, I spent a long time conversing with the chairman.  I felt awful about the way I had reacted … and knew that everything I told him would quickly get back to the others.

I immediately sought out a counselor to find out why I had reacted so badly.  After hearing me and testing me, he concluded, “You are severely burned out and headed for a breakdown.”

(Why did I burn out?  The construction of the worship center … finishing my doctoral program … and dealing with board and staff resistance all took their toll on me.)

After sharing this story with a pastor friend, he told me, “Jim, you had every right to be angry.”

I told him, “Maybe so, but I got too angry.”

Many pastors lose it in a board meeting on occasion, but in twenty-five years as a pastor, I never had.  In that church, I had a nine-year track record of remaining calm in meetings, but now I had messed up.

I felt like a colossal failure.  I never became angry after that, but I know my rant was used against me.

A more mature board might have met together and said, “Jim seems to be under great stress right now.  He’s meant so much to this church.  Something is troubling him, and we need to find out what it is.  Let’s send two board members to meet with him and see how we can help him overcome his frustration so we can all work together in harmony.”

But that’s not what happened.

In the end, the board never spoke with me about that night again.  They should have.  I was too embarrassed to go to them.  I wanted them to speak with me as a sign of love.

Instead, they did something else.

They waited until we were overseas on a mission trip … and then went after my wife.

Why did they go after your wife?

Kim is an amazing woman … maybe too amazing.

And she does a lot of good … maybe too much good.

The board hired Kim in 2001 as full-time outreach director after a search process produced twenty possible candidates.  Kim was the only person to survive the first round.  She was hired on merit because she knew more about outreach ministry than any other applicant even though others had more formal education.

(One time, we let a major outreach group use our facility for a training meeting.  Kim walked into the room and heard the leader using her material.  They had stolen it from her outright, but that shows how much her approach was valued.)

Kim was the best leader in our entire church.  She had vision … passion … charisma … a great work ethic … and a heart that beat for lost people.  As our mission statement put it, she loved to “share God’s unconditional love.”

In fact, several months before October 24, a board member told Kim, “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to this church.”

She learned people’s names.  She learned about their families and problems.  She recorded what she heard and used that information to help people become assimilated into church life.  She started new ministries … recruiting and training leaders to take them over.  She shared her faith everywhere.

And she did it all with contagious enthusiasm and a smile.

She was the most indispensable person in the entire church … including the pastor.

But she made a few enemies along the way because she believed so strongly in our church’s outreach orientation … and because, in my view, some individuals were jealous of her influence.

On October 24, the board told me they had terminated Kim’s position effective immediately because, they said, she had overspent her budgets.

When I asked how much she had overspent, I was given a number verbally.  I should have asked for written documentation, but I wasn’t thinking clearly.

I did ask for it three days later, but received nothing coherent.  Kim then asked for the documentation again two days later when she met with two board members, but was given nothing.

Was it all a bluff?

The bookkeeper later met with Kim and determined she had overspent her budgets by a negligible amount … light years away from the number I was given at the October 24 meeting.  A nine-person team from inside the church later investigated all charges and concluded there was no evidence that either Kim or I had committed any wrongdoing.

At that October 24 meeting, the board told me to tell Kim that she had a choice: she could resign or be fired.

And then the chairman made a statement I still can’t believe: the board felt so strongly about their decision that they were all willing to resign.

_______________

I’ve answered five questions so far, and will be responding to the final three questions in two days.

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Will Pastor Terminators Ever Apologize For Their Actions?

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with Church Staff, Conflict with the Pastor, Forgiveness and Reconciliation among Christians, Healing After Leaving a Church, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on October 6, 2017| 7 Comments »

In my last blog, I wrote “an open letter to pastor terminators.”

The letter was a composite of stories I’ve heard over the years about the damage that members of the church board have caused pastors and staff members they’ve forced out of office.

One friend wrote me on Facebook and asked, “Would you send it?”

If I thought it would do any good, yes, I would send it.

But the odds are that it wouldn’t.

_______________

It’s been nearly eight years since I left my last church ministry.  Two weeks from today, I’ll be writing my annual article about the church coup I experienced.

Throughout the past eight years, I’ve had this fantasy: that one day, just one of the individuals most responsible for pushing me out would contact me and apologize for their actions.

Sometimes, when I go to the mailbox, I wonder if there will be a letter of confession from one of my opponents inside.

It’s never happened.

Sometimes, when I pick up the phone, I wonder if one of the perpetrators is calling me to say, “Oh, Jim, what we did was so, so wrong.  Can you ever forgive us?”

It’s never happened.

I wrote a book called Church Coup about what happened from my perspective.  I have written hundreds of blogs about the problems of pastoral abuse and termination.

The damage the terminators caused was unfathomable.  I lost my job … income … career … reputation … house … and many, many friends.

A nine-person team investigated the charges against me and concluded that “there was no evidence of any wrongdoing.”

But I was lied right out of the church.  It’s the only way “they” could get rid of me.

I was wronged … severely wronged.

But is anybody ever going to admit their part in the conflict to me?

Almost certainly not.

_______________

So would I send a letter to specific terminators, hoping they would have a “come to Jesus” moment and apologize for their actions?

Pastor Guy Greenfield tried to do just that.  In his excellent book The Wounded Minister: Healing from and Preventing Personal Attacks, Greenfield writes:

“When I was pressured to retire early in my last pastorate by the machinations of a small group of antagonists, I wrote each one a lengthy personal letter describing how I felt about what they did to me, my ministry, my marriage, my family, my health, and my future.  I tried to be honest without being harsh.  I felt they needed to know that they had hurt me deeply.  Not one of them wrote in response, called me, or came by for a visit.  Not one said he was sorry.  Therefore, I had to move on with my life, shattered though it was, and start over somewhere else.”

Greenfield made the first move toward reconciliation.  He followed Jesus’ instructions in Luke 17:3-4:

“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.  If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

In essence, Greenfield rebuked those who hurt him.  They didn’t repent … at least, not to him personally.  Should he then forgive them?

Yes, he should forgive them unilaterally, and he did.  He writes:

“For my own sake, I needed to forgive them even though none said he was sorry.  I tried to do that even though it took me a long time.  I wrote a note to each that I was forgiving him of his mistreatment of me, knowing it would be a process rather than something instantaneous.  I had to do it for myself.  I did not expect reconciliation, but I did need to be free of my resentment.  I did not expect sorrow or repentance from them in order to forgive them.  I made a distinct decision not to seek revenge.  There were several things I  could have done, but I chose not to do any of those vengeful acts.  I could not afford to put my future happiness in the hands of those people who made me so miserable by their abuse of me.”

Greenfield exercised unilateral forgiveness.  He “let go” of his anger, resentment, and desire for revenge.  And that’s all he could do.

Because whenever a pastor or staff member are unjustly terminated, biblical reconciliation … or bilateral forgiveness … as outlined by Jesus in Luke 17:3-4 almost never takes place.

_______________

On a rare occasion, I will hear the perspective of the “other” side … from a board member who tried to get rid of a pastor and later felt badly about it.

A friend once told me that his father was instrumental in pushing out his pastor, and that it haunted him for the rest of his life.

I suspect there are other board members and lay antagonists who later were horrified when they realized that their words or actions had destroyed their pastor.

When my father was pushed out of his last pastorate, a woman whose hurtful words had gone viral cried out in a public meeting, “I never meant for it to come to this.  I crucified the man!”

But those kinds of confessions are all too rare.

_______________

It’s amazing to me.  To become a Christian, a person must confess their sins to the Lord and request His forgiveness, which He always grants.

To remain a Christian, a person must continually confess their sins to the Lord … as 1 John 1:8-10 specifies … and again, the Lord promises He will always forgive.

But when those same professing Christians severely wound the person and position of someone God has called to serve their congregation, they stop looking at any sins they might have committed and only see the sins of their pastor/staffer.

They completely exonerate themselves and just as fully blame the person they’ve driven from office.

In the words of Jesus, they’re focused on the “specks” in their pastor’s life while ignoring the “planks” in their own lives (Matthew 7:3-5).

I have a friend who occasionally holds meetings after a pastor has been forced out.  He gathers together the leaders of the church … places an empty chair at the front of the room (signifying the presence of Jesus) … asks for a period of silence … and then lets the leaders say whatever comes to their mind.

There is often a time of confession as people finally admit to others that they did indeed play a part in getting rid of their pastor … and harming their local body as well.

Maybe, since the deed was done with others, confession can only come in concert with those same people.

_______________

I’ve long since given up hope that anyone who meant to harm me will ever admit it to me.

If they did … since I have already forgiven them unilaterally … I would joyfully forgive them on-the-spot.

But I realize it’s unlikely to happen.

In his wise book Healing for Pastors & People Following a Sheep Attack, Dr. Dennis Maynard writes the following:

“Before we can reconcile with another we have to know that they are truly sorry.  We need to hear their words of repentance.  We need to know their contrition is genuine.  To reconcile with those who are not truly contrite is to excuse their offense as though it never occurred…. We are basically giving them permission to hurt us again.  We need to hear the person who hurt us take responsibility for their behavior.”

Maynard then continues:

“Those that target clergy are oblivious to the pain they cause others.  They have actually deceived themselves into believing they have done the right thing.  They are consumed with their public image.”

He then writes something both remarkable and scary:

“I have not found a single case of an antagonist seeking to reconcile with the pastor they targeted for destruction.  True repentance would also include trying to undue the damage that their conspiracy of lies brought on their pastor…. Some will rationalize their acts of sin and evil as righteous and justified…. Reconciliation is simply not an option.  To do so would be to fail to hold them accountable for the pain they have caused.  We cannot reconcile with them, but for our soul’s sake we still must forgive them.”

I have a theory that the people who target an innocent pastor for termination have surrendered themselves … at least temporarily … to some sort of dark force.  You can’t be a Spirit-filled, Spirit-led individual and go after your pastor with a vengeance.  Kindly show me one place in the New Testament where God blesses that kind of behavior and I’ll eat my words.

_______________

I now live some 500 miles away from my former church.  I cannot envision ever visiting the church again for any reason, and I have vowed never to visit the city in which the church is located, either.

There is just too much pain involved.

I accept the fact that even successful ministry tenures end.  Casey Stengel won ten pennants in twelve years for the New York Yankees – including five World Championships in a row from 1949-1953 – and even he was forced out after the Yankees lost the World Series in 1960.

But to get rid of a leader, God’s people often throw away their Bibles and engage in satanic shortcuts … adopting the strategy of deception leading to destruction (John 8:44).

Since they can’t force their pastor to resign any other way, they start spreading lies about him.

Lies designed to harm his reputation.  Lies designed to cause others to call for his dismissal.  Lies designed to create pain for him and his family.

And that decision … to get rid of a leader at all costs … is guaranteed to cause the leader … his family … his supporters … and their congregation … immense heartache for many years to come.

_______________

The reason that I wrote this article is to encourage the pastors and staffers who have been forced out to:

*accept that the church of Jesus Christ handles these situations horribly … so you aren’t alone.

*accept what happened to you as being part of God’s overall plan.

*accept that you will never fully reconcile with those who caused you harm.

*accept that you can and should forgive each person who hurt you unilaterally.

*accept that God still loves you and wants the best for you.

So will those who terminated you ever repent for what they did to you?

It’s highly unlikely.

After Judas betrayed Jesus, our Savior let him go.

We need to follow His example.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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An Open Letter to Pastor Terminators

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on September 29, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Imagine that the following letter was written to the church board by a pastor who was unfairly terminated five years before …

September 29, 2017

Dear Board Member,

You probably hoped that you would never hear from me again, but I’m asking you, as a fellow member of God’s family, to read my letter below.

I will never forget the day you terminated me as pastor of Christ Church after twelve years of ministry.  It was the last Sunday in September 2012.

We had started a new series on the Sermon on the Mount.  My text that morning was Matthew 5:11-12:

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.  Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

How ironic that after that particular service, you would ask to meet with me in my study and announce that I was being terminated immediately!

Since that meeting, I’ve had five years to reflect on what you did … and why … and I’d like to ask you five questions.  I’d welcome an answer … either through email or a letter … so we can all obtain some closure.

Here are my questions:

First, why was my termination so abrupt?

If you were unhappy with me or my ministry, why didn’t you ever talk to me about it directly?

If someone on the board had said to me, “Pastor, we think your preaching is unbiblical or unhelpful,” we could have discussed it openly.

If someone felt that the church wasn’t growing at the rate it should, we could have benefited from an honest dialogue.

If someone believed that I wasn’t the best fit for the future, you could have told me and I would have started looking for another ministry.

But when you fired me without warning … after I had just preached my heart out in two services … you not only damaged me and my family, but the entire congregation.

We could have resolved any issues as long as we did so together.  When you decided to deliberate in secret without ever seeking my input, you crossed a line.

How was I a threat to you or the congregation?  What danger did I pose?

Second, why didn’t you follow Jesus’ steps for correction in Matthew 18:15-17?

Jesus said in Matthew 18:15, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.”

You never did that.

Then Jesus recommends adding one or two witnesses if His directive in verse 15 doesn’t work.

You never did that, either.

Then He said in verse 17, “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

You did do that.

You announced to the church that I had been dismissed as pastor, but you never followed Jesus’ directives in verses 15 and 16 about having private meetings first.

Even if I had committed adultery or stolen funds from the offering plate, you still should have worked the steps that Jesus outlined.

The church bylaws specified that was the process, not only for correcting the pastor, but also for correcting staff members, board members, and church members.

We used Matthew 18:15-17 when we corrected Steve, our associate pastor, in 2008.  We used it again when we corrected Bill, our fellow board member, in 2011.

Why did you feel that I was the exception to that longstanding guideline?

If you had followed our Savior’s directives, I might have sensed that something was wrong, and taken steps either to resolve the issues, or find another ministry.

But you never did.

Jesus says that when the steps are followed, you have “won your brother over.”

But when you don’t follow His steps, everyone loses.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I’ve often wondered if you were exacting revenge on me for some mistake on my part.

If not, why did you blindside me?

Third, what did I do that deserved termination?

To this day, I still don’t know.

Our church was growing numerically.  Our giving improved five percent from the year before.  We had more small groups than at any time in the church’s history.

I thought we were doing well, and more importantly, I thought you thought we were doing well.

People were coming to faith in Christ.  We baptized five to ten people every quarter.  Many people told their family and friends about our church.

You never told me, “We should be growing at a more rapid rate,” or “We need more money to pay our bills.”  When the statistical reports were given at the monthly board meeting, not one board member ever said, “We should be doing better than this.”

Eighty to eighty-five percent of all churches aren’t growing, but Christ Church was in the top fifteen to twenty percent of churches nationwide as far as growth.

I don’t really know what else I could have done.  I worked fifty to sixty hours every week.  I gave the church my heart and soul.

When you announced my firing, I asked you what I had done wrong … but you didn’t tell me … at least, not to my face.

Five years later, I still wake up in the middle of the night, wondering what I did wrong … and how I could have avoided termination.

As hard as it might have been on you, I’d sleep much better today if you’d been honest with me five years ago.

But while you didn’t tell me why I was released, you did tell others.

Fourth, why was I hurried out of the church?

It takes a pastor at least a year to find a new ministry these days, but you only offered me two months of severance pay.

You told me to take it or leave it, without letting me pray about it, speak with my family, or consult with my network.

You told me to clean out my office in three days.

You didn’t permit me to preach a final sermon or say goodbye publicly.

You instituted a gag order on the staff and board not to talk about my departure in any way.

Why did you treat me like a pagan or a tax collector instead of your brother?

My wife and I suffered humiliation and shame from the way you handled matters.  Was that your intent?

Because of the way you treated me, there will be a cloud over me for the rest of my life.

Finally, why didn’t you protect my reputation after I left?

I’ve heard rumors since I left … ugly, nasty stories … about why I was really terminated.  I don’t know where these rumors originated, but I thought I’d recount several for you.

“He used the church credit card for personal purchases.”

Not true.

Who thought I did this?  Why didn’t you ask me about it personally?

I had a twelve-year track record of financial integrity.  Didn’t that count for anything?

“He seemed too friendly with the office manager.”

What does that mean?

We were friends, yes … every pastor wants to get along with his office manager, who can make or break his ministry.

But I have always loved and been faithful to my wife, as you well know.

Some of you seemed pretty friendly over the years with women who weren’t your wives.  Should I have called you out without any evidence?

If so, how would that square with Paul’s instructions toward church leaders suspected of wrongdoing in 1 Timothy 5:19-21?

“He made decisions without consulting the board.”

Which decisions?

Every pastor makes hundreds of decisions every week.  You never told me, “We want to be consulted on these specific issues.”  I used my best judgment … which seemed acceptable to the board for nearly my entire tenure … on every decision I made.

When did things change?

“He didn’t manage his family well.”

My wife and I have been happily married for 27 years.

Shana our daughter, and Brad our son, both attended nearly every church service and brought friends before they entered college.

They both earned undergraduate degrees … and both have solid jobs.

Even though they don’t live nearby, we see them several times a year, and our family is doing very well … as it always has.

Shana married a fine Christian man.  Brad still hasn’t found the right woman, but he’s doing great.

How did I fail as a husband or a father?

I’d like to know why you as godly leaders didn’t put a stop to those rumors when they were being circulated after my departure.

If I had heard such rumors about any of you, I would have put a stop to them immediately, and recommended that anyone concerned speak with you personally.

But I wasn’t afforded the same courtesy, was I?  Why not?

If I had to hazard a guess, is it because you wanted to harm my reputation so I couldn’t interfere in church life in the future?

But do you know how much pain you’ve caused us by not refuting those rumors, either privately or publicly?

We’ve not only lost friendships we enjoyed for years, but those rumors may have kept me from obtaining two ministry jobs where I was a finalist.

I could tell by the way the questions were slanted.

_______________

Since I left Christ Church five years ago:

*I’ve been forced to take a secular sales job that doesn’t pay even half of what I earned as a pastor.

*My wife has suffered from depression and anxiety attacks and attends church once a month … at best.

*I’m not involved as a church volunteer because whenever people hear I’m a former pastor, they shy away from me.

*My wife is still under the care of a Christian counselor.

But from what I’ve heard, Christ Church has suffered as well:

*Your attendance is less than half of what it was five years ago.

*The church staff has fallen from nine to three staffers.

*You’ve lost many good people … primarily because you never told them why you terminated their pastor.

*You’ve had three pastors in five years.

Was it worth it?

_______________

So if you had to do it over again:

*Would you fire me abruptly?

*Would you ignore the process Jesus specified in Matthew 18:15-17?

*Would you avoid giving me reasons for my dismissal?

*Would you still keep me from saying goodbye?

*Would you fail to protect my reputation?

If the answer to even one of those questions is “no,” then why don’t you contact me and admit your error?

I promise that I will forgive you.  That will benefit the congregation, you as individuals, and me and my family.

It could be a new beginning for everyone.

Many Christians believe that unity trumps everything, including truth.

But I believe the New Testament teaches that truth comes before unity.  In fact, I believe that unity is always based upon truth.

With that in mind, I’ve sent this letter via email to former and current church leaders, some of whom will undoubtedly contact you about it.

That’s why I call this an “open letter.”

I’ll let those leaders decide where to go from here.

I’m not about revenge but reconciliation.

How about you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Role of a Pastor’s Giftedness in Growing a Church

Posted in Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , on September 22, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Growing a church … especially in 2017 … can be very difficult indeed.

Maybe that’s why 80 to 85% of all churches are either stagnant or in decline.

The Lord permitted me to be the solo or senior pastor of four different churches … three in Silicon Valley, one across the bay from San Francisco.

All of the churches initially grew.

My second ministry grew and then shrank when we lost thirty people at once.  My last ministry grew slowly but steadily until we were the largest Protestant church in our city of 75,000 people.

So I’ve known a degree of success … but I’ve also known my share of heartache.

Many years ago, I came up with a theory about the kinds of pastors who grow churches.  I ran my theory by one of the world’s most brilliant church growth experts, and he told me that, in general, my theory was accurate.

Paul’s words about spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12:18 absolutely nail it:

“But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.”

We might say, “God has arranged the pastors in the body … just as he wanted them” as well.

Let’s break it down like this:

First, if a pastor’s primary gifting is in pastoring/shepherding, he will tend to pastor smaller churches.

I know someone who is a great pastor.  He really loves his people as individuals.  He becomes personally involved in their lives.  He counsels them and prays for them and hurts with them.

And I’d be surprised if his church has ever broken 150 people on a Sunday.

He’d like his church to grow, but knowing his people and their problems is far more important to him.

If a pastor wants to lead a growing ministry, he has to let others share the pastoring … but many pastors aren’t comfortable doing that.

The ratio in church growth circles is that one pastor can only care for 150 people.  If a church wants to grow beyond 150, they need to either hire another staff member or train more lay shepherds.

But if a pastor is dead set on being the church’s only shepherd … and many pastors are … then the church probably won’t grow past 150 … and may be considerably smaller.

The people who attend such a church often do so because they want the pastor’s attention.  They want to know him personally and have access to him whenever they need him.

So once the pastor tries to have others help with the pastoring, many sheep will resist.  They want their pastor!

Knowing this, I still struggled in this area in my last ministry.  As our church grew, I had less time to visit shut-ins, for example.  Even though I arranged for others to visit them, I kept telling myself, “Yes, but they want to see their pastor, too” … and I especially felt that way if they were seriously ill or near death’s door.

Sometimes, I just couldn’t let go … especially if I had already formed a bond with someone.

But the more I focused on pastoring people one-on-one, the more it drained me … and the more the church suffered.

Second, if a pastor’s primary gifting is in preaching/teaching, he will tend to pastor medium-sized churches.

My father-in-law once told me about two brothers who were both pastors.  One brother was a gifted teacher and pastored a church of several hundred people.  The other brother wasn’t as gifted a teacher but led a church of thousands … and was known all over Southern California.  (My father-in-law taught him in graduate school.)

Gifted teachers don’t necessarily pastor large churches.

They often try to lead through their teaching, but as insightful and practical as it may be, teaching alone usually isn’t enough to propel a church into becoming large.

If that pastor ends up on the radio … or his church has a Roku channel … or his church puts video of his sermon online … that can help the church to grow larger … at least for a while.

But gifted teachers want to spend their time studying and teaching as much as they can … and that won’t automatically grow a church.

Teaching was my primary gift.  My first church … which was very small … expected me to be a shepherd, so I was constantly frustrated.  I didn’t want to shoot the breeze with shut-ins every month.  (And the average age in that church was sixty.)

I was also expected to teach Sunday School … preach on Sunday mornings … preach on Sunday evenings … and teach on Wednesday nights.

And to do that well is nearly a full-time job.

When I was studying and teaching, I felt like I was doing what I was born to do.

When I was visiting shut-ins, I felt like I was wasting my time.

If the congregation had turned me loose to spend most of my time teaching, we might have grown … but some constantly griped, “He doesn’t visit enough.”

So I visited shut-ins during the day, visited newcomers at night … and resented it much of the time.

I’d handle things better if I had to do it over again, but at the time, all I wanted to do was study and teach.

And when I finally got into a situation where I had two full days a week to study … the church grew to the verge of becoming large.

Finally, if a pastor’s primary gifting is in leadership, he will tend to pastor a larger church.

I once heard Pastor Bill Hybels give a talk about ten kinds of leaders.

He said that the leaders who grow the large churches are great at putting together ministry teams.  The leader selects a team leader … gives him/her a charter … offers some training … and then turns the team loose.

Then the leader puts together another team … and another … and another.

While I sometimes did that, my wife … who was a staff member in my last church for many years … did that instinctively.  She just knew what to do.

Those who pastor larger churches also tend to be visionaries.  They know the direction they want the church to go in five and ten years.

That wasn’t me, either.

I usually knew the next thing to do, and with God’s help, the goal would become reality … eventually.

But five years out?  That was too fuzzy for me.

Teachers clearly see the past, and milk it for their illustrations and applications in preaching … but the future looks dim.

Leaders just as clearly see the future, and mobilize people and resources in that direction … but they’re not as great looking at the past.

There was once a famous pastor whose Sunday service was televised.  He wrote books and was involved in the culture wars.

I didn’t think he was all that great a preacher.  He preached in a robe … didn’t deal with issues in any depth … and didn’t say anything all that memorable.

But he must have been a great leader because he presided over a church that grew and grew.

Over the years, I’ve learned that most large congregations aren’t led by great teachers, but by great leaders.

The only time most of us see a pastor is when he is preaching a thirty to forty minute message on a Sunday.

What we don’t see is how they run the church all week long … and that’s what really determines the church’s growth.

Back in the late 1970s, Dr. Lloyd Oglivie was the senior pastor of Hollywood Presbyterian Church … yes, in Hollywood, California.

One of my best friends got married there one Saturday afternoon, and he invited me to be his best man.

During rehearsal time, I wandered backstage, and I saw a document I’ve never forgotten.

Dr. Oglivie took 115 church leaders on a retreat.  When the retreat was over, the leaders all signed their names to a covenant which spelled out the church’s direction.

That really impressed me.

The best church leaders get a vision from God … sell that vision to their staff, board, and key leaders … and then use those leaders to cast the vision to the rest of the church.

If you’d rather be shepherding the hurting … or teaching God’s Word … you might try and be a better leader, but eventually, you’ll revert to the way God made you to be.

God made me to be a teacher.

It energized me.  I worked hard at it, just as 1 Timothy 5:17-19 specifies.

But pastoring drained me … and leadership sometimes overwhelmed me.

_______________

Let me end this article with four thoughts about a pastor’s giftedness and conflict:

First, the greatest conflict a pastor experiences is inside his own spirit.

In my last ministry, I spent all day Thursday at home studying for my Sunday message.  I usually worked into the night, got up early on Friday (my day off), and finished just before noon.

Invariably, whenever someone from the church went into the hospital … or died … it was on Thursday or Friday.

I always went to visit the person or their family, but I’d be anxious to get back to my study.

Once I went into study mode, it was hard to switch to pastoring mode … and hard to switch back again.

But that’s the nature of church ministry.

Accept it, and you’ll do well.  Fight it … like I sometimes did … and it can take a toll on you.

Second, the pastors of growing churches have learned to focus on their primary giftedness and delegate the rest.

I took a class at Fuller Seminary where our professor told us that to be fulfilled in ministry, we needed to spend at least 70% of our time in the area of our giftedness.

We either needed to develop skills to do the other 30% of our job, or find gifted people and delegate assignments to them.

Back in the early 1990s, a well-known pastor suffered a breakdown.  He was spending half his time every week studying for messages, but his real gifting was in leadership and evangelism.

He persuaded his elders to let him rearrange his job description and his schedule so he could be who God made him to be.

The church did very well … that pastor is still there … and he’s influenced thousands of leaders for Christ since then.

The pastor needs to determine what he’s going to do, and then get the board to sign off on it.  It doesn’t mean the pastor is shirking his duties … it means he’s sharpening his focus.

And that’s when God can bless.

Third, church leaders need to be realistic about a pastor’s job description.

I recently read about a pastor who was contacted by a megachurch.  They sent him their job description, the pastor totaled up the hours … and they came to 82 hours a week.

And let me tell you … nearly every church expects their pastor to do many things that aren’t on the job description.

That’s a recipe for losing your marriage … turning off your kids to Christ … and heading for a breakdown or burnout.

Personally, I think a pastor should work 45 to 50 hours a week … and that’s counting all his work on Sunday.  (If it doesn’t count, why should the pastor show up?)

In my last ministry, I spent less than 50% of my time in the area of my giftedness … it drained me … and it eventually caught up with me.

Finally, pastors need to train and trust leaders before the pastor is ready for them to lead.

Here’s the stat that I learned:

A pastor needs to recruit and train leaders … and turn them loose when they’re 70% ready.

Not 100% … 70%.

But the more in control a pastor has to be, the harder it is for him to relinquish key ministry to someone else … especially if the pastor thinks he can do a better job.

Yes, some ministries will probably die using that idea, but many more will thrive because people like to own their ministries.

That’s why the pastor needs to focus on his primary giftedness before he does anything else.

What are your thoughts about what I’ve written?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How Can Church Boards Treat Pastors Under Fire Justly?

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , on September 1, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Christian leader Thom Rainer recently wrote a blog post lamenting the “epidemic” of pastoral terminations.  I offered comments about some of his points in my last article:

Thoughts on Firing a Pastor

One church board member wrote the following in the “Comments” section:

“I appreciate this advice.  I have had to be part of a firing and it was not easy.  I wish I had these guidelines then.”

Let me tell you a story as to why church boards need such guidelines desperately.

During my first decade as a pastor, I met another pastor whose church was a half hour away from mine.  Whenever we had pastor’s lunches in our district, we would hang around afterwards and talk.  This pastor – I’ll call him Gene – became my friend.

Several years later, after preaching at his church one Easter, Gene got in his car and began a trip designed to interview prospective staff members the following day … but he never made it.

Instead, on a stretch of highway called “Blood Alley,” Gene’s vehicle was hit head on by a truck.  Gene was helicoptered to the county hospital.  The next day, I went to visit him.

His face was completely bandaged.  He could hardly speak, but at one point, he motioned for me to come closer, and he whispered, “Pray that I will preach again.”

Gene’s recuperation took a long time.  The glass from his windshield had penetrated his skin, and his face had to be surgically rebuilt.

Not long afterwards … and I can’t remember precisely how long … drugs were found inside his daughter’s suitcase at camp.  She vehemently denied that the drugs were hers, and Gene stood with her, but the church board claimed she was guilty, and demanded that she confess her sin publicly.  Gene chose to resign instead.

When I heard that Gene had quit after nine years as pastor, I called him right away.

I asked Gene what kind of severance he received, and he said that he received two weeks pay and a plaque.  After one month, his medical insurance would be canceled.

A short while later, the truth came out: the drugs did not belong to Gene’s daughter.  They belonged to another girl, who was afraid she would be caught with them and sent home … so she hid them in somebody else’s suitcase.

A year later, Gene and I met for lunch.  When I asked him why the board had pushed him out, he still had no idea.  I gave him a new book on pastoral termination, and after reading it, Gene felt he finally understood why he had been removed.

The church called a new pastor … someone I later got to know … and that pastor invited Gene back to the church and arranged for the congregation to apologize to Gene for the way he and his family were treated … a rare occurrence in Christian circles.

The Lord went on to bless Gene abundantly as he did pioneer work in a field not usually associated with Christians.

Let me make five observations about conflict training for boards from this story:

First, every church board needs to operate by a predetermined set of written guidelines before they even discuss their pastor’s future.

But many churches don’t have them.

If you’re a pastor, and your church doesn’t have those guidelines in place, and you’re under attack, it’s like going to court in a third world country.  You know going in you’re not going to be treated fairly.

Such guidelines are best written when people are thinking clearly because when even a few board members … who are supposedly selected for their spiritual lives … become irrational, they can harm their church … and their pastor … for years.

A board can’t create those guidelines when someone starts becoming upset with their pastor.  Their anxiety will cause them to ignore them completely.

Those guidelines should be found in two primary places: church bylaws … which should have a section specifying how to dismiss a pastor … and a special document that might be found in a church/board policy handbook.

However, in the case of Gene’s board, they didn’t have any such guidelines … and the outcome ended tragically.

Second, even when those documents are in place, many boards determine the result they want, and then choose the quickest pathway to achieving it.

Gene told me about a board member I’ll call Don who had undue influence with the board.  Don had money and was a district trustee.  Gene suspected that Don was behind his ouster … and he was probably right.

From what I know, Don used the situation with Gene’s daughter as a pretext to force Gene out.  (But didn’t Don even consider how much harm he would cause Gene’s daughter?)  At the very least, Don had to sign off on removing Gene from office.

And this is why many boards don’t use or want any written guidelines: they have a powerful board member whose influence supersedes any guidelines.

Such a person might ask, “Why use guidelines when you have me?”

In my third pastorate, the elders used to joke that each of them had one vote, but that I as pastor had five votes.

But the Dons who run church boards … even when they’re not the chairman … have ten votes … not because they’ve earned such power, but because the other board members won’t stand up to them.

Christians rightly lament the way that Jesus was mistreated when He stood before the Sanhedrin, Pilate and Herod before He was crucified, and yet He was at least allowed to speak in His own defense.  Many pastors aren’t even accorded that privilege.

Third, the pastor is the only logical person to teach the board how to handle potential conflicts that concern him … but most won’t do it.

The pastor theoretically has more influence over individual board members than anyone else … and yet, when it comes to managing conflict, most pastors choose not to use that influence.

Years ago, when I served on a church staff, a couple of men in the church began to attack my pastor.  I went to a board meeting, told them what was happening, and asked for their help in stopping the verbal attacks.

The board voted 5-2 to do something … but the pastor was one of the “no” votes.  He was afraid that taking on the bullies would make things even worse.

Some pastors might have said, “Men, here’s what Scripture says about how to handle this situation … and here’s what our governing documents say … and I’d like you to read this book and discuss it at our next meeting.  Then we’ll create an action plan and deal with this biblically and courageously.”

But most pastors feel that it’s self-serving to make such suggestions … but I believe they’re wrong.

Whenever the pastor is under attack, the pastor needs to define the process that the board should use.  If he doesn’t, the board will make up their own process, and much of the time, they will blow their church sky high.

It’s right for a pastor to say, “This is how we do conflict around here.”  In fact, church boards are looking for that kind of leadership from their shepherd.  Yes, he can leave the outcome with them … but not the process.

And I believe if the board ignores that process, or short-circuits it altogether, the pastor has the responsibility to blow the whistle on them because the process will determine the product.

I believe all pastors must do the following three things to prepare their leaders for conflict:

First, the pastor must preach on biblical conflict management and resolution annually.

When Paul writes to the church in Rome … or Corinth … or Thessalonica … and he specifies how to address conflicts … he’s addressing those entire congregations.  It is the responsibility of every believer to become a church conflict practitioner.

Second, the pastor must train the official board and staff on biblical conflict management at least annually.

He can do this before or during a board meeting annually.  Or he can do this as part of a regular retreat.

The pastor could even invite a church conflict expert to do that training.

But if the pastor doesn’t take the initiative, it will never happen.

Finally, the pastor needs to make sure that every board member owns a copy of a great book on church conflict … and that they consult it on occasion.

These are the five books that I most recommend:

Five Essential Books on Pastor-Church Conflict

When the board gets stuck on a conflict during the year … presumably one that doesn’t involve the pastor … the pastor could ask, “What does Leas … or Steinke … or Haugk say about this?”

The problem is that when church leaders become anxious, they look for shortcuts.  The pastor has to teach his leaders, “Let’s look for the best long-term solution, not the quickest short-term one.  These books will help us do just that.”

Fourth, board members need to seek outside counsel when it comes to offering a departing pastor a severance package.

My friend Gene was given two weeks salary and a plaque as his reward for nine years of committed service.

That’s not just heartless … that’s evil.

But where could the board turn for counsel?

I discovered that in Gene’s case, the district knew about the false accusation against his daughter, but chose to do nothing.  They could have insisted that the pastor receive a generous and just severance package, but it wasn’t their practice to interfere in pastor-church conflicts … or so they claimed.

So where can church boards turn for information about pastoral severance?

A few years ago, sensing there is almost nothing about this topic in print, I decided to write an article about severance packages for pastors.  It’s now become my second most viewed article concerning pastoral termination:

Why Give a Terminated Pastor a Severance Package?

I have heard stories how my article has expanded the thinking of church boards, and for that, I am grateful.

In fact, sometimes I’ll notice that the article has been viewed 20 or 30 times in a day, an indication that it may be circulating among board members.

I commend every church board member who reads the article because they’re trying to learn what to do … unlike Gene’s board, which treated their pastor with utter contempt.

As the board member quoted at the beginning of this article admitted in the fuller comment I quoted in my last post, church boards usually treat their pastor the way they treat others in the business world.

What they forget is that God called their pastor to their church.

Finally, church boards often want guidance, but don’t know where to find it.

Several months ago, I had the privilege of consulting with three different church boards about their pastors.

I was referred to each board by the same Christian leader.

One board really listened to me and took my counsel to heart.  They made a change and secured an intentional interim pastor who later wrote me and thanked me for my counsel.  Things were looking up for them.

Another board chairman contacted me but didn’t agree with my counsel.  The last I heard, trouble was looking for his church.

While I don’t claim to be infallible, people like me …. who serve as outside consultants … can save a church time, money, and heartache just by considering another perspective.

Last year, I helped a pastor on the East Coast face down the bullies in his church.  He told me, “Jim, you have the best stuff on pastor-church conflict on the internet.”

I don’t know how to evaluate his observation, but I do know this: most church boards who struggle with their pastor need someone to listen to them … to guide them … and to advise them … and if they have to turn online for help, I hope my writings prove beneficial.

The boards that go it alone are the ones who cause the most damage to their church and pastor.

The boards that seek conflict training and outside expertise are the ones who cause the least damage.

How well trained is your church’s board in conflict resolution?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Thoughts on Firing a Pastor

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , on August 25, 2017| 5 Comments »

A friend sent me a link to a blog article by Christian leadership expert Thom Rainer yesterday.  His article was addressed to church leaders and titled, “Before You Fire Your Pastor.”

Here’s the article:

http://thomrainer.com/2017/08/before-you-fire-your-pastor/

In his concise way, Rainer shares eight “admonitions” to church leaders who are thinking about terminating their pastor.

To me, these were the highlights … followed by my own thoughts:

“You are about to make a decision that will shape your church, the pastor, and the pastor’s family for years to come.”

I don’t think most boards think about the pastor and his family much when they push him out.  They’re thinking primarily of the comfort level of the group they’ve been working with to get rid of him.

Since the board’s decision will impact their church for “years to come,” why not do an all-church assessment by an outside consultant first?  If the pastor really isn’t a fit, that will be made clear in the assessment, and the pastor and board can discuss a peaceful departure and transition … possibly mediated by the consultant.

Of course, the assessment might show that the board is the problem.  And that might be the main reason why boards are afraid of assessments.  I suggested calling in an outside consultant on two occasions several months before I left my last ministry, but nothing ever happened.

“Understand fully the consequence to your congregation. A church is marked once it fires a pastor. Members leave. Potential guests stay away. Morale is decimated. The church has to go through a prolonged period of healing where it cannot have much of an outward focus.”

Church conflict expert Peter Steinke says that it takes a church two to five years to heal after a moderate to severe conflict, and by definition, forcing out a pastor almost always constitutes a severe conflict.

Many times, the very individuals who pushed out the pastor end up leaving during the healing period.  Maybe they thought the church would get better without the pastor … and with them in charge … but when it doesn’t work that way, they bail.

Outreach usually dies after a pastor leaves … especially if the departing pastor was outreach-oriented.

“Consider the church’s reputation in the community. You are about to receive the label: ‘The church that fired their pastor.’ That will be your identity for some time.”

Most leaders who push out a pastor have never been in a church before where a pastoral termination occurred.  They don’t have any idea what happens inside a congregation after a pastor leaves.  They’re assuming they can handle any and all crises.  But without their pastor to guide them, they’re liable to make a mess of things.

Some people in my previous church tried to ruin my reputation after I left, and it stung.  (Some friends still won’t tell us what really transpired after my departure.)  But the church has suffered as well.

Reminds me of a post a friend put on Facebook several days ago: “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves” … one for the pastor, one for the church.

“Let your pastor know why… he was being fired…. I am amazed how many pastors have no idea why they are being let go. That is cowardly. That is not Christ-like.”

There’s a simple explanation for this omission: most of the time, there isn’t a good reason for sending the pastor packing.  The reasons are more subjective than objective, highlight board members’ personal preferences rather than the pastor’s stubborn sinfulness, and don’t sound convincing when uttered in public.

I still don’t really know why I was pushed out of my last ministry.  After thinking about it for nearly eight years, I’ve concluded that it boiled down to personal revenge on the part of three individuals who spread their feelings to others.  But if that’s truly the case, who is ever going to admit it?  Maybe that’s why I have never heard directly from anyone who pushed me out at the end of 2009.

“Be generous. If your church does make the decision to fire your pastor, please be generous with severance and benefits. Don’t treat your pastor like a secular organization might treat an employee. Show the world Christian compassion and generosity.”

Sad to say, there are boards that look for every reason not to give their pastor a generous severance.  I remember one board that referred the pastor’s severance to the congregation hoping they would turn it down.

With some leaders, once they know a pastor is going to leave, he’s no longer worth anything to them anymore.  He’s dead weight.  (This is exhibited by the fact that after the pastor leaves, those who forced him out will never contact him again.)  They offer their pastor a token severance … threaten to pull it back if he doesn’t agree to their terms immediately … and send him and his family into the night with an exit that seems designed by the enemy.

The longer a pastor’s tenure at a church, the more committed he’s been to his congregation, and the more worthy he is of a generous severance package.  But since it takes at least a year to find a new ministry these days … and usually longer … the board has to factor that reality into their creation of any severance package.

After I read Rainer’s article, I perused the comments, and ran across this admission:

“I appreciate this advice. I have had to be part of a firing and it was not easy. I wish I had these guidelines then. The one part we did decent was giving the pastor in question a long run away to find new employment and kept his benefits going in the transition. I really think we could have done more, but it was something. Often I think this idea of helping pastors launch into another ministry or even transition to a vocation outside full time Christian service is foreign to elders or boards because it is rare in business fields unless you are a high c-level executive with contractual basis. Thus they balk at the idea thinking it bad business or poor stewardship. Finding a role in another church takes time. Often churches are slow to hire, for good reason, so we should reflect Jesus’ generosity when we have to fire someone understanding they can’t just walk into another job next door.”

Here is the phrase that sticks out most to me: “I wish I had these guidelines then.”

What can you and I do to help pastors and boards handle their conflicts in a more biblical, just, and Christlike way?

That’s my topic for next time.

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Which Comes First – Ministry or Money?

Posted in Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on August 18, 2017| Leave a Comment »

“That sounds like a good idea, but looking at the budget, we just don’t have the money.”

How many times have church leaders uttered those words when someone … the pastor, a staff member, a team leader … proposed a new ministry?

According to church conflict expert Peter Steinke, money concerns cause more conflicts in churches than anything else.

Conflicts emerge most often because congregational giving falls short of meeting the annual budget.  And then the attitude becomes, “We can’t spend any money because we’re behind on the budget.  Maybe when we’re meeting or exceeding the budget, then we can talk about doing something else.”

But that attitude guarantees that the church won’t meet its budget.

When I was a teenager, I attended a church that had a two board system.

The elders were the spiritual leaders, and the deacons ran the facility and finances.

That system was guaranteed to make sure that nothing ever got done.

Why not?

The elders were chosen because of their walk with the Lord … while the deacons were chosen because of their business sense.

The elders would invariably propose, discuss, and agree on a proposal, like, “We want to have a special seminar this fall to emphasize healthy marriages.  We’ve contacted an expert in this area who has agreed to do a three-hour seminar for $500.”

Then they’d kick the decision to the deacons, who would veto it, claiming, “Since we’re behind on the budget, we don’t have the money.”

I heard that song and dance over and over again.

This is the most likely reason why so many churches in the 1970s and 1980s moved away from the two board system and instituted a one board system instead.

But even under the one board system, the same argument keeps coming up.

Why?

Because there are people on every board that believe that money is more important than ministry.

They won’t ever say that.  It sounds unspiritual.  But that’s how they behave.

And in the process, such people keep their church from expanding Christ’s kingdom in their community.

Let me share five principles defining the relationship between ministry and money:

First, money is a tool for ministry rather than the reason a church exists.

Churches don’t exist to raise and hoard money.

Churches exist to worship God, teach Scripture, and meet the spiritual needs of people in their community.

And money is one of many tools a church can use to fulfill those purposes.

But sometimes it only takes one person on the church board or staff to sabotage a church’s reason for being.

I once pastored a congregation where someone donated a six-figure gift to the ministry.

Even though we were behind on our budget, I wanted to use some of those funds for ministry.

The money wasn’t donated so we could hoard it or gain interest on the principal. The money was given for ministry … so I made a proposal to reach an entirely new demographic.

But someone on the board wanted to set aside those funds to put a new roof on one of the buildings … in five years.

Yes, a church needs to be a good steward of its facilities.

But church buildings aren’t going to stand before God someday, while every person in that community will.

Only people last forever.

Conflicts occur in churches where the pastor has a vision for ministry, while others have a vision for maintenance.

Second, a church budget is a servant, not a master.

I have lived by a budget for most of my married life.  I budget our tithe … our taxes … our house payment … our savings … and funds for our business.

I don’t consult that budget every week.  I consult it every day … usually several times.

But there are times when things arise that aren’t budgeted, but I do them anyway.

Several weeks ago, my wife wanted us to go away for our 42nd wedding anniversary.  I told her it sounded good, but I preferred to go away for just one night … and I had that budgeted.

But she wanted to go away two nights … and miss a day of work at our business … meaning we’d have to pay extra funds for employees.

I tried to reason with her, but she finally asked me, “When do I get a day off around here?”

She was right … and I relented.  Sometimes investing in your marriage is far more important than saving a few dollars.

But I have been in churches where once a budget category has been spent, that’s it … you can’t spend any more for the rest of the year.

In one church, the funds for refreshments between services dissipated during the summer.

That refreshment time was crucial to our ministry.  People stayed for goodies after the first service and arrived early for goodies before the second service.

And most of the time, our guests stayed as well … and that was our best time to connect with them all week.

If counting beans was most important, we’d pull the refreshments altogether … and lose our best opportunity to meet newcomers.

When I heard that the funds were gone, it didn’t phase me.  I told the person running the refreshments to keep doing them.  REACHING NEWCOMERS IS THE ONLY WAY ANY CHURCH CAN GROW.

But a board member … without authorization or discussion … went to the person running refreshments and told them that the goodies had to stop because we didn’t have the money.

Is the budget a master or a servant?

That board member believed it was a master.

I believed it was a servant.

I still do.

When the budget becomes a church’s master, then Jesus isn’t.

Third, a church has to prioritize outreach or it simply won’t grow.

And outreach costs money.

In fact, a church has to invest funds in outreach continually … and wisely … if it ever hopes to grow numerically.

Show me a church’s budget and I can tell you whether or not they plan on growing.

If they budget most of their money for facilities, salaries, missions, and education … maintenance items … then they don’t intend to grow.

But if they budget a generous amount of money for meaningful worship, creative marketing, special events, need-meeting seminars, tasty refreshments, and community projects, then they’re at least planning to grow.

If a church budgets for outreach, but giving doesn’t meet the budget, some will say, “Let’s get rid of outreach for the rest of the year.”

But when church leaders are serious about growth, they’ll say, “Either we need to raise more money or we need to cut other categories … anywhere but outreach.”

A homely story.

Let’s say Bill and Joanne get married, and they can barely make ends meet financially.

And then Joanne gets pregnant.

Are they going to say, “Okay, let’s have this baby, but we’re going to spend the same amount of money we spent before the baby arrived?”

No … they’re going to do whatever it takes to provide well for their child … and that includes trusting God to expand their budget.

God sends lost children to churches He knows will provide for them … and steers them clear of churches that put budgets before people.

Money flows toward churches that make plans to reach their community … and away from churches that focus only on themselves.

And you can take that last statement to the bank.

Fourth, God honors churches that take divinely-sanctioned risks.

Twenty-five years ago … around the time of our 17th wedding anniversary … my wife and I began talking about going to Europe for our twentieth anniversary.

We decided to save money for three years to make that dream a reality.

But along the way, it didn’t look like the trip was going to come off, so I told Kim, “I don’t think we’re going to be able to do this financially.”

She responded, “I’m going whether you go or not.”

We began doing research … watching Rick Steves’ videos … and talking to others who had been to Europe.

Then we visited a travel agent.  (Remember those?)

I can’t explain it, but everything came together financially, and on the morning of our twentieth anniversary, we found ourselves at the Schilthorn in Switzerland … high up in the Alps.

I’ve been to Europe many times since, and it all started with my wife believing that somehow … in some way … we were going to go!

In the Parable of the Talents, Jesus commended the servant who invested his talents for gain, but condemned the servant who buried his talent in the sand.

Sad to say, most churches bury their financial talents in the sand.

May I share one reason why that’s so?

It’s the misplaced pride of the pastor.

My wife and I attended a church north of Phoenix, Arizona, for eighteen months called Christ’s Church of the Valley.

Every summer, the pastor took his key leaders away for a weekend to visit a church … sometimes out-of-state … that was effectively reaching people for Christ.  (Such a trip costs money!)

Every time they returned, they had their thinking expanded … and came home with a boatload of ideas.

While we attended there, the church became the tenth largest church in the United States.

Rather than act like he had it all together, the pastor wanted to learn from other pastors and churches … and incorporate their best ideas into his ministry.

The church took many risks.  Many paid off … and some did not … but so what?  That’s the nature of risk-taking.

I heard about a church that gave out annual awards.  They gave an award every year to the person who took the biggest risk … and failed.

Why did they do that?

Because they wanted to highlight, “This is a church where we take risks.”

How risk-taking is your church?

Finally, a church needs to let God make their decisions, not money.

In his book Money, Sex and Power, Richard Foster writes the most memorable paragraph I’ve ever read about Christians and money:

“The Christian is given the high calling of using mammon without serving mammon.  We are using mammon when we allow God to determine our economic decisions.  We are serving mammon when we allow mammon to determine our economic decisions.  We simply must decide who is going to make our decisions – God or mammon…. If money determines what we do or do not do, then money is our boss.  If God determines what we do or do not do, then God is our boss.”

If it’s true that 85% of all churches are stagnating or shrinking, my guess is that most of those churches let money make their decisions.

It takes great faith to trust God over money.  As Jesus said, we can’t serve both.  But whenever church leaders say, “We can’t do that … we don’t have the money,” they’re confessing that money makes the decisions in their church.

And how can God bless such a church?

Now here’s the irony:

Pastors preach to their congregations, “The Bible teaches that God’s people should give a tithe of their income to the Lord’s work.  Even if you don’t have the money, just start tithing, and the Lord will bless you in many ways … including your finances.”

It takes faith to believe that God will take care of you if you give ten percent of your income to Him, doesn’t it?

And yet more often than not, those same leaders want congregational members to demonstrate faith in the way they manage their incomes but demonstrate faithlessness in the way they manage their church’s income.

There is nothing more exciting than for a church to focus on a God-given dream designed to reach others for Christ.

There is nothing more miserable than for a church to focus all its energies and finances on itself.

Focus on money … and the church will go downhill.

Focus on ministry … and the church will come alive.

Does your church focus on ministry or money?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Forgotten Victims of Pastoral Termination

Posted in Conflict with Church Antagonists, Conflict with Church Board, Conflict with the Pastor, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on August 11, 2017| 2 Comments »

I write a lot about the toll that forced terminations have on pastors and their wives … both personally and professionally.

I also write about the effects that pushing out an innocent pastor has on an entire congregation and its future.

But there is one group that I … and many in the Christian world … tend to forget about when it comes to pastoral exits: the average churchgoer.

Several years ago, I met with a longtime friend at Starbucks.  My book Church Coup had just been published and he wanted to discuss what I wrote.

My friend told me that he and his wife had been attending a church where they really liked the pastor … but seemingly overnight, the pastor disappeared … and the word was that the pastor did not leave voluntarily.

The church quickly hired a new pastor, and once again, my friend and his wife really liked him, but within a short period of time, that pastor was pushed out as well.

My friend and his wife were both hurt and sickened by what they had experienced.  He admitted that the two of them were not currently attending a local church although he didn’t rule out going to church sometime in the future.

My friend would be an asset to any church.  He has an earned doctorate … has taught in a Christian university … and for decades has been a key leader in one of America’s greatest institutions.

But somehow, I doubt that those who pushed out those two pastors even gave someone like my friend a second thought.

I suppose the only way to find out how the average churchgoer feels about their pastor is to call a public meeting and let each person vote on his future … either to give him a vote of confidence or to vote him out of office.

If and when a church does take that step, they’re almost always shooting themselves in both feet … as well as the heart.

Since most church leaders don’t want a pastor-board or pastor-staff rift to become known, they’ll work behind the scenes to try and checkmate their pastor privately.

But … and I ask this question all the time … how many people attend that church because of the pastor … and how many attend because of the pastor’s detractors?

Let’s say Sonrise Church averages 300 adults every Sunday.

And let’s say 15 people … that’s 5% of the congregation … want Pastor Paul to leave.  (That’s a typical percentage.)

And let’s say out of those 15 people:

*there are two board members and their wives.

*two are the associate pastor and his wife.

*there are three couples who believe the associate should be the pastor.

*there are three older individuals who have been in the church since its founding.

Then let’s say that out of the 300 who attend Sonrise:

*240 (that’s 80%) attend that church because they love Pastor Paul’s sermons … leadership … and personality.

*30 attend because they’re loyal to the church as an institution.

*15 attend because they’ve been there for more than 20 years.

*15 want Pastor Paul to leave.

Let me ask several questions about this situation:

First, why do most people attend Sonrise Church? 

They attend Sonrise because of Pastor Paul … pure and simple.

They may have initially come to Sonrise because of a personal invitation or a marketing tool, but they have made Sonrise their church home because they like the pastor.

Virtually nobody attends Sonrise because of the church board or the pastor’s detractors … and it’s highly likely that the great majority of the people couldn’t even name one board member.

Second, how likely is it that those 240 people are aware that 15 people want to get rid of Pastor Paul?

It’s not likely.  Those 15 know they must act in secrecy or risk having their plot exposed.  While they speak almost exclusively to each other, they are open to increasing their ranks if they know for certain someone feels as they do.

But if even a handful of those 240 discovered the plot, they might ream out the plotters, or contact Pastor Paul or another leader with their findings.

Third, why don’t the 15 leave the church quietly instead of trying to force out their pastor?

I wish I knew the answer to this question.  It would save everyone a lot of heartache.

My research and experience tells me that the 15:

*believe they are smarter and more spiritual than their pastor.

*believe they know the direction the church should go in the future.

*believe that one of their group should be the church’s true leader, not the pastor.

*believe that they somehow “own” the church in a greater way than others.  (This is “my” church or “our” church, not “their” church or “his” church.)

*believe that the pastor is either a “bad man” or a “bad leader” and deserves to be sent packing.

Fourth, how likely is it that the 15 are aware of the love and loyalty that the 240 have for Pastor Paul?

Again, it’s not likely.  Most of the 15 have closed ranks and only socialize with each other.  They don’t socialize with many people from the 240 … and when they do, they either discount their feelings or disagree with them.

If someone came to any of the 15 and said to them, “Most of the people in this church have great affection for Pastor Paul,” they would respond, “I don’t think that’s accurate.”  But they’ve isolated themselves from others for so long that they can’t accurately measure reality.

Finally, what’s the best word to describe the feelings of the 15 over against those of the 240?

Sinful … with selfish a close second.

Most of the time, when a faction pushes out an innocent pastor, they are thinking primarily of the wishes and desires of their own group rather than the church as a whole.

In fact, the faction is blind and deaf as to how the average churchgoer feels about their pastor.

I have heard the following statements from non-leaders whose pastors were forced out:

“The spirit has gone out of this church.”

“I don’t think I will ever be the same.”

“I’m so hurt that I can’t bring myself to go to church anywhere.”

“He was the best preacher I ever heard in my life.”

In their book Church Refugees, Dr. Josh Packard and Ashleigh Hope claim that a high percentage of Christians are now “the dechurched.”  To save what’s left of their faith, they’re “done” with the local church, and never going back.

I wonder how many of those people were driven away from a church where a small percentage of bullies organized to take out their pastor.

The Book of James ends this way:

My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.  James 5:19-20

The implication in this verse is that the “wanderer” has left the fellowship because he or she did something wrong.

But it is entirely possible in our day for someone to wander away from church … or their faith … because of the way that professing Christians treated their pastor.

Thirty years ago, I attended a conference led by Win Arn called “How to Close the Back Door to Your Church.”  I learned a great deal.

One of the things I learned is that a church needs to track its attendees closely.  Once someone misses a few Sundays (at my last church, it was two), they need to be contacted right away.

Once people have missed six to eight Sundays in a row, they are nearly impossible to get back because they have reinvested their lives in other things … and have concluded that “the people of that church don’t care about me.”

When a faction in a church … whether it’s the official board, or just 5% of the congregation, succeeds in forcing out their pastor … the last place they’re focusing is on the average churchgoer.

They’re focusing on keeping the staff in place … selecting guest speakers for future Sundays … finding an interim pastor … and putting together a team to search for a new pastor.

So it’s easy for people who are angry … or bewildered … or hurt to slip out the back door and never be seen again.

It’s getting more and more difficult to win people to Christ these days.

How tragic for Christ’s kingdom if we bring some through the front door … and lose even more through the back door … because we keep beating up our shepherds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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