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Time for a Holy Rant

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Christian Music, Current Church Issues, Personal Stories, Please Comment!, tagged , , , on June 20, 2012| 9 Comments »

How do you feel about Christian churches these days?

Based on the many Facebook posts I read, some of you are very happy with your church … especially if the church is ministering effectively to your kids.  If so, that’s wonderful.

I’m struggling … and I wonder if it’s just me.

Last Sunday, my wife and I attended a megachurch in our community.  We’re in the process of church shopping and want to make sure we’re covering all the bases in our area.

We sat on the far right side of the worship center … but I didn’t know that the church puts its services online.  Suddenly, this huge boom camera goes flying over our heads … back and forth, back and forth.

If the thing fell, the coroner would have to be summoned.

So we moved to the back row in the next section over … but that didn’t stop the camera from hovering above us again.

At one point, it got so low that I could have reached out and touched it … but what I really wanted to do was stop the thing from flying over my head every thirty seconds!

Fortunately, the service was great, right?

I don’t even want to mention this … but here goes.  (Lord, if I’m just being a cranky former pastor, please forgive me.)

The music was fine … at least I knew some of the songs … but church music is starting to sound the same to me wherever I go – especially the lyrics.  You could take the lyrics to any song, jumble up their order, and write another song with them … and another … and another …

I’m starting to long for “Here I raise my Ebenezer” and “My sin, O the bliss of that glorious thought …”

The pastor was away, so there was a guest speaker … with the obligatory shirt tail out.  (Can someone explain this trend to me?  Is this somehow more biblical or godly … or is it all about being cool?  Would that same person dress like that while making a business presentation?  Just saying.)

The guest speaker had a great introduction – he actually used a story … and then never used another one.  Not one.  Zilch.  With little application, either.  And no outline.  It almost felt like he made up the sermon as he walked to the pulpit.

And he probably walked away with $2,000 per service for his efforts.

I’m just getting started, so if you want to turn back now …

There’s something else I’m struggling with: the lack of intellectual challenge in preaching today.

Can somebody please come up with something that makes us think?

One or two meaningful quotes would be nice … or a story about a great leader from church history … or a detailed explanation of a theological truth.

But instead, it seems like the preaching is designed for spiritual ninth graders.  I was in ninth grade once … but I don’t want to go back there again.

And one more thing … has anything happened in Christendom between the resurrection of Jesus and yesterday’s news?  While our preaching needs to be biblically based, when is the last time you heard a preacher refer to Martin Luther, or John Calvin, or the Anabaptists, or the Reformation?

To steal a quote from Howard Hendricks, modern-day Christianity is a mile wide and an inch deep.

And what’s happened to gifted vocalists and musicians?

If you love Jesus, and He gave you a beautiful voice, are you relegated to singing on the praise/worship team for all eternity?  Why are churches intentionally not allowing gifted vocalists to sing solos or duets anymore?  At our home church in Phoenix, we had one or two vocal selections every Sunday … and they were often the best part of the service … but my guess is that less than 10% of the churches I’ve visited allow such singers to use their gifts.

Can we please hear something besides praise/worship music all the time?

As I look back over more than 50 years of sitting in church, do you know what I remember best?

Illustrations and solos.

When I talked to a friend recently about my feelings, he told me I need to teach on a regular basis.

Oh, no … God couldn’t be telling me that, could He?

Am I the only one who feels this way?

This holy rant is now concluded.

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Remember Your Leaders

Posted in Current Church Issues, Personal Stories, Please Comment! on June 18, 2012| 6 Comments »

There’s a trend I’ve been noticing recently, and I wonder if anyone else has picked up on this.

We have forgotten those leaders who have come before us.

The first time I visited London, I was struck by all the memorials dedicated to those who had died in various wars.  For example, here’s a memorial to those who died in World War 1 … right on the bank of The Thames:

Here’s another memorial to those who died during World War 2 nearby:

Memorial to Members of British Air Force Lost in WW2

This one says, “From mud through blood to the green fields beyond”:

Soldiers’ Memorial in London

In the back of St. Paul’s Cathedral (you can’t take photos inside), there are books filled with the names of those who have died in various British wars.

St. Paul’s Cathedral, London

Yes, I know that we Americans have our war memorials as well, like the moving Korean War Veterans Memorial …

Korean War Veterans Memorial, Washington DC

and the Vietnam War Veterans Memorial … with the name of each fallen soldier engraved …

Small portion of the Vietnam War Veterans Memorial, Washington DC

It’s appropriate that we remember the sacrifices of those who have died to keep our country free … and Great Britain feels the same way.

But what disturbs me … and like I say, maybe it’s just me … is how quickly we forget the Christian leaders who have done so much to spread the message of Jesus Christ.

Many of the churches in England don’t forget.  For example, here’s a list of all the priors, provosts, and bishops who have overseen the ministry at Southwark Cathedral:

List of Christian leaders at Southwark Cathedral, London

And sometimes you’ll discover that a few leaders have even been buried inside a church …

Final Resting Place of Bishop Talbot, Southwark Cathedral, London

Why bring this up?  What’s the point?

It seems to me that in many Christian churches, we purposely forget the leaders who started a church … and oversaw the construction of some of its buildings … and introduced innovations in missions or community outreach … and brought people to Jesus Christ.

But shouldn’t we honor them instead?

Hebrews 13:7 puts it this way:

“Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you.  Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.”

The context seems to indicate that these leaders were no longer around, that they were either living elsewhere or dead.

But the command remains: “remember your leaders …”

In my second staff position, there were nameplates of previous pastors on the wall in the lobby.  The nameplates simply listed a pastor’s name and the dates he served the church … going back to the late 1800s.  (One pastor served only one year.)

The nameplates didn’t tell you what kind of ministry a pastor had … or whether he was forced to resign due to moral failure or conflict … or whether he was married and had kids.

But the nameplates told people that:

*This church has been around a long time.

*This church has had many pastors … and survived them all.

*This church will survive the current one … even if you don’t like him.

*This church has a history … and it didn’t start the first day you showed up.

I really didn’t care much about those pastors when I served in that church … but I look at things differently today.

A few months ago, I visited the website of a church where a friend once served as pastor for many years.  My friend ran into some conflict there, and I know little about the details.

The church had an entire page devoted to its history … but my friend’s name was nowhere to be found.

It had been obliterated.

Whatever he did or didn’t do … however he left … doesn’t change the fact that he pastored that church for a long time.

I’m not trying to exalt pastors as some kind of super-heroes.  Far from it.

But I want us to realize that other Christians have made sacrifices so we can enjoy our churches today.

Nearly a decade ago, a church that I led as pastor was outgrowing its small worship center.

Since we had some available land, I gathered a group of leaders together and suggested we do some building.

The process was complex.  We had to agree on what we wanted … and hire an architect … and present drawings to the congregation for input … and hire a contractor … and deal with pesky neighbors … and raise hundreds of thousands of dollars … and deal with slow city government … and choose colors … and furnishings … and deal with the naysayers … and on and on.

I get tired just thinking about it.

In addition, the people who attended the church pledged vast sums of money to construct that worship center.  They made commitments for 3 or 4 years, some giving tens of thousands of dollars above their regular giving.

When guests visit that church … or any other church … how cognizant are they of its history?

As that worship center was being built, I saw church construction in a new light.

Every church building I drove past had a story behind it.

A church was growing … and someone had a vision … and persevered through a lengthy process of prayer and construction and fundraising … so a worship center could be built by faith.

I once heard someone say that this generation acts like history started the day they were born.

Too many young people feel entitled … and have little appreciation of those who came before them.

That’s true in the spiritual realm, too.

Just remember: Christian pastors and leaders and parents and friends made sacrifices so you could attend the church of your choice.

They didn’t do it so anyone would remember them … but remember them we must.

St. Paul’s Cathedral in London was built by the famed architect Christopher Wren.  He is buried in the cathedral’s Crypt.  The inscription above his tomb says in Latin, “Reader, if you seek his monument look around you.”

The dome of St. Paul’s Cathedral, London

If an architect is remembered 302 years after he finished construction on a church building, shouldn’t we know something about our spiritual leaders as well?

How can we best do that?

I’d like to hear your ideas.

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Blaming Others for My Mistakes

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Conflict with Church Antagonists, Please Comment!, tagged , , on June 4, 2012| 4 Comments »

Most mornings, while working out on my treadmill, I run to classic rock while watching ESPN.

This morning, I saw highlights from last night’s Celtics-Heat playoff game.

Paul Pierce of the Celtics bulldozed over another player during overtime and was called for a foul … and fouled out of the game.

But did he do it?  According to Pierce’s body language, he did NOTHING wrong and shouldn’t have been called for any foul.

Then LeBron James backed into a defender on the other side of the court and both of them fell down.  When James was called for the foul – and he too fouled out – he couldn’t believe it.

It was the defender’s fault … or the ref’s fault … or the fault of Boston Garden (which seems to make “homers” out of refs) … or the fault of those little green leprechauns that inhabit the Garden.

But LeBron James’ fault?  No way.

There was a show on TV when I was a kid called Romper Room.  Believe it or not, I had the show’s theme song on record.  The chorus went like this:

I always do what’s right

I never do anything wrong

I’m a Romper Room do bee

A do bee all day long

Seems to me the first two lines of that song perfectly encapsulate the attitudes of millions of people in our country … especially the second line: “I never do anything wrong.”

A Christian counselor friend of mine once told me that we’re raising a generation of sociopaths.  The latest estimates are that 4% of the population has anti-social personality disorder (the new term for sociopathy), characterized by a complete lack of conscience.

As Dr. Archibald Hart told me after class one day, the sociopath feels no anxiety before doing wrong and feels no guilt afterward.  This person lacks a moral core.  While the sociopath can be outwardly charming, he or she is inwardly manipulative.

And what does this person want more than anything else in life?

To win.

The sociopath will do anything to win.

They choose targets … people who threaten them or who they think are weak … and then bully them or abuse them or lie to them just to watch them squirm.

You’ll find these people running countries … and supervising employees at work … and in families … and in politics … and even in your neighborhood.  (Dr. Martha Stout’s excellent book The Sociopath Next Door asks this question on its cover: Who is the devil you know?)

Although a layman cannot properly diagnose someone as a sociopath – it takes a well-trained psychologist to do so – we can at least suspect someone of having the condition if they demonstrate certain symptoms.

The reason I bring this up is that the last place we’d expect to find a sociopath is in a Christian church.  After all, isn’t the confession of sin a requirement for both conversion and spiritual growth?

As 1 John 1:8 puts it, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.”  Verse 10 goes on to say, “If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.”

And yet sociopaths slip into church leadership … and onto church staffs … and behind church pulpits … fooling EVERYBODY along the way.

I’ve worked with a handful of church leaders that I suspected fit this description.

They were charismatic individuals.

They ignored authority.

They made the same mistakes over and over again … and didn’t learn anything from them.  (One leader kept getting traffic tickets, and instead of changing his behavior, he’d fight the tickets in court … and win.)

They put on a facade of charm for their adoring public … while engaging in sabotage behind the scenes.  (Whenever I had to correct their behavior, they would tell their fans, who would become upset with me.)

But what I’m most concerned about isn’t the presence of sociopaths in churches.

I’m most concerned about the fact that we’re raising sociopaths in Christian homes.

Let me give you an example.

Imagine that you have a daughter named Jane, who is in the fourth grade.

One day, Jane’s teacher calls you at work and tells you that Jane’s grades are poor and that she’s been misbehaving in class.  The teacher wants to meet with you … right away.

So you meet with Jane’s teacher, who shows you copies of Jane’s incomplete and poorly done assignments … and shows you indisputable proof via surveillance that Jane’s behavior in class is out of control.

Once upon a time, you and Jane’s teacher would collaborate together and come up with a plan for dealing with Jane’s behavior.  Call it a PTA … a parent teacher alliance.  With a strong alliance between school and home, Jane would be forced to change her behavior.

But what happens in our day?  You become incensed because Jane’s teacher doesn’t view your daughter as being perfect … so you blame Jane’s teacher for Jane’s misbehavior … as well as the school … and the curriculum … and Jane’s classmates … as well as President Bush.  (Can you believe that some people are still blaming him for problems in our country, even though he hasn’t been president for almost four years?)

Instead of forming a PTA, you have just formed a PCA (parent-child alliance) with your daughter and against her teacher … and by extension, every other authority that will come into her life.

And what will happen to Jane?  She may grow intellectually … and vocationally … but she won’t be able to grow emotionally or spiritually.

Why not?

Because you, as her parent, will not let her learn from her mistakes.

Could this be a reason why so many college graduates are living at home with their parents?  Just asking.

I’ll have more to say on this matter next time …

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this matter.

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How Anxiety Creates Church Conflict, Part 1

Posted in Change and Conflict in Church, Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Please Comment!, tagged , , , , on May 16, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I felt very uncomfortable in church last Sunday.

My wife and I are living in a new area and we’ve been looking for a church home.  Last Sunday, we visited a church several miles away that meets in a small converted warehouse.  Our daughter was with us because it was Mother’s Day.

There was much about the church that I liked.

They sang some praise songs I knew.

They acknowledged the mothers in their midst and gave each of them a gift.

They showed a cute video about Mother’s Day.

The pastor’s message was biblical and heartfelt.

But something bothered me … something personal.

When I brought it up to my wife and daughter in the car afterwards, they felt differently.

But I still felt uncomfortable … even anxious.

If I made that church my home, I’d remain anxious about this issue.  I don’t want to feel the way I do, but I do.

And this is how thousands of Christians feel every Sunday … at their home church.

They feel uncomfortable about:

*pews that are too hard

*theatre seats instead of pews

*the way the pastor dresses

*songs they don’t know

*songs they do know but have sang way too many times

*the style of the music

*the worship leader

*music volume

*the greeting time (“I don’t want to shake hands with people I don’t know!”)

*the pastor’s speaking voice (his accent, pitch, rhythm, clarity, volume)

*the pastor’s stories (too many, too few, too irrelevant)

*the pastor’s points (biblical?  relevant?  realistic?  meaningful?)

*the pastor’s body language (does he smile?  stand up straight?  wave his arms?)

When I leave a worship service these days, there are many criteria I can use to determine whether I’ll visit again:

*How much like me are the pastor and congregation?

*How well was the service done?

*How meaningful was the music?

*How wisely was Scripture used?

*Did God meet me there?

But increasingly, I find myself measuring a service by how the worship experience made me feel.

And one dominant question rattles around inside my spirit:

How comfortable did I feel in that service?

The more comfortable I feel, the more likely I am to return for a second visit … and eventually stay.

The more uncomfortable, the more likely I am to cross that church off my list and visit another one the following weekend.

Here’s how all this is relevant:

When most people attend a worship service, they want to feel comfortable there.

While they may be open to being challenged intellectually and spiritually, they wish to feel safe emotionally and socially.

If they visit a church once, and it feels comfortable, they may visit again … and again … and again … until they can predict that they’ll feel safe every time they attend.

And if the rest of their family has a similar experience, they will finally make that church their spiritual home.

But there are two wild cards that can mess things up and lead to conflict.

The first wild card is sudden or drastic change that makes them feel even more uncomfortable.

The second wild card is their own personal anxiety that they bring with them to church.

I will discuss both of these wild cards in my next article.

And I hope you feel comfortable until then!

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Who is the Most Spiritual Person in a Church?

Posted in Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Pastoral Termination, Please Comment! on May 7, 2012| 3 Comments »

Who is the most spiritual person in any given church?

While I’m not comfortable with the premise embedded in the question, I have a reason for asking it.

The popular assumption is that the pastor is the most spiritual person in a church.  Although this may be true at times, my guess is that the pastor may not be Spiritual Person Numero Uno.

The pastor may look spiritual on Sundays.  He may wear a suit and tie or possess an angelic smile or wear a “Jesus” pin on his lapel.

But none of those are indications that he’s truly spiritual.

The pastor may sound spiritual on Sundays.   He may read Scripture with a deep voice or express compassion when he speaks or pronounce “God” a certain way.

But none of those are indications that he’s truly spiritual.

The pastor may know more Scripture than anyone else in the church … or more Greek … or more theology.

But none of those are indications that’s he truly spiritual.

When I was a pastor, I assumed that many other people were more spiritual than me.

They read Scripture more … or prayed more often … or more deeply.

They obeyed God more completely … or more spontaneously … or more readily.

They were humble, not proud … transparent, not inauthentic … others-centered, not me-centered.

Truly spiritual people don’t view themselves as spiritual at all.

Many Christians view Paul as the most spiritual Christian who ever lived.  He may have been, but Paul didn’t view himself that way.

He wrote in 1 Corinthians 15:9, “For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.”

He wrote in 1 Timothy 1:15, “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst.”

Line up all sinners in the world, Paul says, and I’m not first in line … I’m last.

Rather than the pastor, I’d nominate the following people for “most spiritual” in a church:

*The woman who attends a prayer meeting every week … even though she can barely walk.

*The man who does his work with the highest of ethical standards … even if he loses business.

*The woman who lives a simple lifestyle … so she can give more money to God’s work.

*The man who has lost a job and been treated unfairly … but continues to follow Christ.

*The woman who teaches Sunday School to third graders every week … even though they may never thank her.

*The man who quietly comes down to the church and fixes things … even though nobody ever sees him serving.

We don’t give awards for “the most spiritual person” in a church, and it’s a good thing.

We’d most certainly be wrong.

While man sees the outward appearance, only God sees the heart.

And my guess is that in most churches, many other people have more godly hearts than the pastor.

People don’t become pastors because they’re more spiritual than other people.

People becomes pastors because God calls them into ministry and gives them certain spiritual gifts (like teaching, pastoring, and leadership).

While a pastor needs to be spiritual … after all, you don’t want a spiritual adolescent to be your pastor … he doesn’t need to be the most spiritual … so let’s not expect him to be that way.

Let’s give our pastors room to mature in certain areas of their lives.

To me, the most spiritual person in a church is the man or woman who has followed Christ for decades … suffering many losses along the way … but still loves the Lord and desires to please Him.

The next time you attend church, the MSP in the congregation may not be the person bringing the message on the stage.

It could be the person who is running the sound … or the person who arranged the flowers … or the person who cleaned the worship center … or the person who is praying for the pastor’s message in the back room.

Someone other than the pastor.

So let’s see our pastors accurately.

They are called by God.

They have been given certain gifts.

They are to be spiritual themselves.

But they may make mistakes … and get some things wrong … and lose their temper on occasion … and fail to do something you think they should do.

But that’s okay, because after all …

There are other people who are more spiritual than your pastor.

So don’t expect perfection from him.

Don’t put him on a pedestal.

Don’t expect him to become angelic.

Pray for him.  Encourage him.  Love on him.  Write him a note of appreciation.

And most of all, let him be human.

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Hints on Confronting Others

Posted in Church Conflict, Church Health and Conflict, Current Church Issues, Please Comment! on April 30, 2012| 6 Comments »

There’s a scene in the film “Raiders of the Lost Ark” that reminds me of the wrong way to confront someone.

It’s the scene where Indiana Jones races through a Middle Eastern city looking for Marion, who has been kidnapped.  As Indiana runs around frantically, the crowd quickly disperses and Indiana is left staring at a large, scary-looking guy whipping his sword around.

What will Indiana do?  Yell at the guy?  Run?  Call for reinforcements?  Ask for a sword of his own?

Indiana takes out his gun … and shoots the guy dead.  (When I first saw the film, my friends loved that scene.)

That may be the way to handle sword-wielding bad guys, but it’s not the best way to handle a confrontation with someone you love.

And yet that’s what many people do when they confront another person.

In essence, they shoot them.

Jesus suggested a better way in Matthew 18:15: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”

Your brother is another Christian believer.  This passage applies to sisters in the Lord as well.

And the implication is that your brother or sister has sinned against you, violating you in some way.

Let me share five hints for handling a potential confrontation in a more healthy manner:

First, confront in person. 

It is not fair to confront someone in an email, or on Facebook, or in a text, or via snail mail.

The person you’re confronting can’t see your face, or hear your tone of voice, or read you at all.

I don’t like the telephone for confrontation, either – and no, I haven’t confronted anyone via Skype.

Unless impossible, confrontations should almost always be done in person.

You can convey your love for the person through your voice tone, body language, and facial expressions.

You can enter into a dialogue rather than force the other person into listening to your monologue.

You can encourage them to listen to you much easier if you confront them in person.

Second, confront them alone.

If I’m struggling with something you did wrong, or I’m concerned about our relationship, Jesus commands me to talk to you alone “just between the two of you.”

It’s not fair for me to ask someone else to confront you.

It’s not fair for me to bring two or three people into the situation … yet.

What if I’ve got the facts wrong?  What if I’m seeing things incorrectly?  What if I’m overreacting?

Meeting with you one-on-one is the fairest way to handle matters.

Third, deal with issues as they arise.

There is an immediacy to Jesus’ words: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault …”

But what do most of us do?

We avoid confrontation, so we wait … and stew … and get hurt again … and avoid confrontation … and stew … and get hurt again … and then:

WE EXPLODE!

And the object of our wrath probably has no idea about our strong feelings.

It’s an old expression, but true: keep short accounts with people.

As Ephesians 4:26 says, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”

Handle people’s offenses as they arise.

When you avoid dealing with issues as they arise, you’ll be tempted to accumulate offenses.

You’ll keep a running list.

You’ll try and rope others into agreeing with your list.

You’ll eventually be tempted to dump the whole list of offenses on your brother or sister at once, which will seriously damage your relationship and may even end it for good.

Practice confronting people within a short time after they commit an offense.  If you can’t do that, LET IT GO.

Fourth, ask for permission to confront.

We have a right to confront people with whom we are close: family, friends, long-time co-workers.

But we have the right to confront because people give us that right.

I’ve learned to say this at times: “I’ve noticed something you do that I’m not sure you’re aware of.  Would it be all right for me to share that with you sometime?”

When they say yes – and most people will because they’re curious – they have just given you permission to share your concerns with them.

I went to lunch one time with a man who attended my church.  We barely knew each other.

He started criticizing my preaching.  I stopped him cold.

I told him that he hadn’t yet earned the right to criticize me that way … and he hadn’t.  If I changed for him, how would those who liked my preaching feel?

It’s not that I can’t learn from others.  I can.  But some rights must be earned.

Finally, affirm your relationship.

Let the person you’re confronting know that you value their friendship and that you are “for” them, not “against” them.

Tell them, “I hope we’ll always be friends.”

In my own life, I only confront people if (a) they’re harming themselves or others, or (b) they’re harming our relationship.  Otherwise, you have to let most things go.

You can never predict how people will handle a confrontation, but if you (a) confront in person, (b) confront them alone, (c) deal with issues as they arise, (d) ask for permission to confront, and (e) affirm your relationship – you have a far greater chance for success.

Your thoughts?

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Getting the Creeps … In Church

Posted in Conflict with the Pastor, Current Church Issues, Please Comment! on April 4, 2012| 2 Comments »

Have you ever gone to church and suddenly developed a serious case of … the creeps?

It happened to me recently.

My wife and I visited a church that was recommended by a colleague.

After parking our car, we felt creepy because we didn’t know where the worship center was – so we guessed its location.  Fortunately, we guessed correctly.

As we walked toward the worship center, though, we didn’t know where to enter it.  Suddenly, a flustered woman appeared and tried to open the door.  It wouldn’t budge.

It felt … creepy.

She did open it on the second attempt, though, and we walked into a small worship center jammed with people … and I instantly felt claustrophobic.

And creepy.

We couldn’t find seats without assistance, so an usher pointed out two empty seats near the back.  We hurriedly sat down.

The worship time was somewhat pleasant, but also felt … well, you know.  I’ve seen worship bands arranged on the stage in various ways, but I’ve never seen six band members on the right side of the stage while the worship leader stood in the corner on the left side of the stage before.  It looked awkward.

I wore jeans to church, like I usually do, but the elders – who served communion – all wore coats and ties.  Some of you may be acclimated to that kind of formal attire, but nobody in our church in Arizona dressed formally, so it felt uncomfortable.

But nothing prepared me for the pastor’s message.

I look for three things when I hear a message: biblical accuracy, intellectual stimulation, and emotional connection.

The pastor was biblically accurate.

There was zero intellectual stimulation.  Many churchgoers may not need that, but I do.  Platitudes aren’t enough.

But I was most troubled by the pastor’s tone while preaching.  It was like he was divine and expected divinity from the rest of us.  We weren’t allowed to be human … nor was anyone else.

A pastor connects best with a congregation when he admits his humanity.  He includes himself in his preaching by using the term “we” and by telling stories that demonstrate that he’s struggling with living like Jesus, just like the rest of us.

But this pastor didn’t tell even one story … and made me feel like I could never measure up to his expectations, much less those of Jesus.

At the conclusion of his message, he told us that if we had fear or anxiety in our lives, we needed to repent of our sin before the Lord.

I felt terrible, because the church had already created so much fear and anxiety in me that by the end of the service, I still hadn’t repented of all my fear and anxiety.

Creepyville.

We couldn’t wait to leave.  All I was thinking was, “Where did I park?  Get me out of here.”

I freely admit that I am not the measure of normalcy when it comes to churchgoing.  There were people who seemed to love the church regardless of my feelings about it.

But the number one feeling I had that morning was:

THIS CHURCH IS NOT FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME.

And, quite frankly, they aren’t ready for any newcomers, either.

I felt like I invaded their secret club.

Have you ever had a creepy church experience?  If so, my readers would love to hear about it.

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Quick Quiz on Church Conflict

Posted in Church Conflict, Current Church Issues, Please Comment! on March 16, 2012| Leave a Comment »

It’s the end of the week, and I’m exhausted, so I thought I’d put together a quick quiz concering what the Bible has to say about the causes and solutions to conflict.

If you finish the quiz – regardless of your responses – you get an automatic “A+” from me.

And if you get all 7 questions right, please let me know.  You’ll find the answers at the end of the quiz.

1. If your relationship with a Christian friend is strained, what does Jesus tell you to do about it?

a. Get a new friend.

b. Tell your other friends about the problem.

c. Tell your pastor about the issue.

d. Talk to your friend directly.

2. In which book of the Bible do we find this counsel: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

a. The Gospel of John

b. Romans

c. Titus

d. Hebrews

3. Many Christians are suprised to learn that the Apostle Paul had such a sharp disagreement with a fellow leader that they parted company.  Who was that believer?

a. Timothy

b. Titus

c. Barnabas

d. Silas

4. True or false?  The NT teaches that God will destroy those who destroy his church.

5. The NT mentions the names of specific troublemakers in its pages.  Which person is not mentioned as a troublemaker?

a. Stephanas

b. Diotrephes

c. Philetus

d. Alexander

6. What does the NT say that a church should do with members who abuse and slander others?

a. Love on them real good.

b. Break their necks.

c. Report them to denominational headquarters.

d. Identify them, confront them, and if they’re unrepentant, remove them from the church.

7. If people in a church accuse their pastor of wrongdoing, which of the following should NOT happen to the pastor?

a. He should be kicked out immediately.

b. He should be treated with dignity and respect.

c. He should be treated without partiality.

d. He should be able to face his accusers in private before he’s accused in public.

Answers:

1. d

Jesus tells His followers in Matthew 18:15, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”

Most relational and church conflicts would be resolved if we’d just put that one verse into practice.

2. b

This verse is found in Romans 12:18.  It tells us that while we can control our responses to other people, we can’t control their responses.

3. c

The story is found in Acts 15:36-41 and has been a blessing to many Christians … because try as we might, most of us have found that there are Christians we like with whom we cannot serve.  On this occasion, Paul and Barnabas parted company over the value of John Mark.

4. True.  Paul states in 1 Corinthians 3:16-17: “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?  If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.”

The pronoun “you” in these verses is plural. The temple mentioned here isn’t the temple of our body (as in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20) but the place where God dwells with his people. Destroy a church, and God will destroy you. I didn’t say it … I’m merely pointing it out.

5. a

The household of Stephanas is mentioned in 1 Corinthians 16:15 as being Paul’s first converts in Achaia.  John had a problem with Diotrepehes in 3 John 9-10.  Paul had problems with the other two guys in 1 and 2 Timothy.

6. d

But churches today don’t do this.  We prematurely forgive antagonists and troublemakers without ever rebuking them or asking them to repent.  It’s like we’ve cut these verses out of our Bibles because we lack the courage to obey Scripture.

7. a

1 Timothy 5:19-21 lays out principles for dealing with pastors and church leaders in a fair way that are accused of wrongdoing.  Paul tells us in verse 21 that all of heaven is watching the way a local church deals with its pastor.  However, many … if not most … churches restort to option “a.”  If the pastor is accused of doing something wrong, he’s assumed to be guilty and is driven out of the church.  This is a scandalous plague that needs to be eradicated in Christian churches.

How did you do?  Let me know if you got 100%.

I apologize for sending out two of these quizzes prematurely.  I hit the “enter” button twice trying to format the outline.

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Hypercritical Christians, Part 2

Posted in Church Conflict, Current Church Issues, Please Comment! on March 9, 2012| 5 Comments »

Jesus once summarized the entire Old Testament Law this way:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37).

God wants us to love Him with our minds.

He wants us to use our brains to distinguish between truth and falsehood and good and evil.

This means that the Lord wants us to critique the culture we live in, the speakers we hear, the books we read, and all that goes on around us.

In that sense, it is good to be critical, as I mentioned two articles back when I asked, “When is Christian Criticism Right?”

However, there are professing Christians in every church who are hypercritical.

They aren’t involved in spiritual ministry and look for flaws in their church and pastor.

Here are two more traits of Christian hypercritics:

For starters, Christian hypercritics rejoice when other Christians fall. 

When a hypercritic hears about a scandal involving a Christian leader, they’re actually happy about it.  As they recount the details to their friends, they feel good inside . . . as if they have ascended a spiritual ladder one rung because someone higher up fell all the way down.

And when someone’s marriage in the church is on the rocks . . . or the teenage girl of a prominent family gets pregnant out of wedlock . . . or a staff member says something stupid in a worship service . . . they love passing on that information to their network and consider it to be good news.

But in the Love Chapter, Paul says that “love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:6).

From a pastoral perspective, when churchgoers publicly sin or privately hurt, it’s not good news, it’s bad news.  God can turn the bad news into good news, but it takes a lot of prayer, love, and time for that to happen.

But the hypercritic rejoices when others hurt because the pain of others gives them something to talk about.

Finally, Christian hypercritics apply ministry to others, not themselves.

When I was in seminary, I took homiletics (preaching) from the late Howard Yim.  One day in class, Howard surprised me with something he said.

After a sermon, a pastor sometimes asks people to close their eyes and raise their hands if they’d like to make some kind of commitment to God as a believer.

Howard mentioned that he sometimes raised his hand after such a message.  I thought to myself, “You do?”

Up to that time, part of me thought that Howard was too cool to need changing.  But when he heard God’s Word preached – even though he taught preaching – his heart was open to the Lord’s work in his life.

I suddenly realized that as a preaching student, I was more interested in how a preacher crafted his message than how that message could impact my life.

Instead of hearing a message and thinking, “I hope my wife’s catching that point . . . and Joe over there needs to listen to that verse with both ears . . . and those gossips in the back need to pay attention to this …” – I’d apply the message 100% to my own heart.

I’d block out everybody else and just focus on what God was saying to me.

Hypercritical Christians won’t do that, though, because they’re critical of everyone but themselves.

As Paul asked in Romans 2:21-22: “You, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself?  You who preach against stealing, do you steal?  You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery?  You who abhor idols, do you rob temples?”

A key mark of spiritual growth is that you apply God’s Word to your life, not the lives of everybody else.  Let the Holy Spirit work in their lives … and realize you’re not the Holy Spirit.

I’d write more about hypercritical Christians . . . but I’m coming dangerously close to becoming one myself.

What are your thoughts about hypercritical believers?

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Hypercritical Christians, Part 1

Posted in Church Conflict, Current Church Issues, Please Comment! on March 7, 2012| 2 Comments »

During the old Muppets show on television, Kermit and Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear and Cookie Monster and the gang were doing their best to put on a show on stage with different guest stars every week.

But up in the balcony, two old codgers ridiculed much of what they did.  These self-appointed critics didn’t sing or dance or act (although they were funny at times).  Instead, they hypercriticized whatever the Muppets did.

The spirit of those critics lives on in way too many churches today.

Let me share with you two qualities of a Christian hypercritic (I’ll finish up next time):

First, hypercritics aren’t involved in spiritual ministry.  You might find them on the facility team, or running the soundboard, or counting money – all worthwhile endeavors – but hypercritics tend to avoid getting too close to God.

For that reason, you won’t find them at a prayer meeting, or in a small group, or sharing their faith.

Hypercritics prefer not to stand on the front lines and fight shoulder to shoulder with their fellow soldiers.

Instead, they’d rather do their own thing – while focusing on the backsides of those on the front lines.

In the initial episode of Black Adder (a British comedy starring Rowan Atkinson of Mr. Bean fame), the king calls all able-bodied men out to battle the following morning.  Black Adder oversleeps and meanders toward the battle on his horse … but rides away instead.  When he sees the back of a solider standing by a tree, Black Adder sneaks up and cuts off his head … only to realize that he cut off the head of his own king!

That, my friends, is an all-too-accurate picture of a Christian hypercritic.

Christians on the front lines don’t have time to hypercriticize everybody else.  They’re too busy serving their King and waging war with the enemy.

But hypercritics are rarely visible – possibly so that others won’t hypercriticize them.

Please don’t misunderstand: I am not saying that every believer who isn’t on the front lines is a hypercritic.  (No believer can serve on the front lines forever.)  However, you’ll find most Christian hypercritics as far away from the real battle as they can get.

Second, hypercritics look for flaws in their pastor and church.  Remember what the Pharisees and their allies did to Jesus?  Right at the beginning of His ministry, they watched Him heal a man with a shriveled hand on the Sabbath … and began to plot how to kill Him (Mark 3:1-6).

For the rest of Jesus’ ministry, His opponents spied on Him relentlessly.  He became a threat to their authority and influence, so they tried to find something they could use to discredit and destroy Him.

A few years ago, I took a class on conflict management from Dr. David Augsburger at Fuller Seminary.  During the week, a former megachurch pastor (whose name I knew well) was the class chaplain.  If you wanted to meet with him, he’d schedule a time for you.

I immediately asked if we could have lunch together, and we went out for pizza.  During our time together, he told me how he served the same church for nearly 30 years … and how nasty so many of the people were.  He said no matter how well he preached on Sunday, or how well the services or ministries went, he knew he’d receive a barrage of criticism the next day.

I had visited this pastor’s church and admired it from afar … and had no idea those people were so mean.

Hypercritical Christians find flaws in everything at their church:

*The pastor’s message was too short … or long.

*The pastor didn’t dress appropriately.

*I didn’t like his introduction … or his illustrations … or his applications … or the way he read Scripture … or his attempts at humor … or his accent … or his enunciation … or his haircut … or his voice …

*The music went too long … or we should have had more hymns … or the guitar was too loud … or I didn’t like the soloist … or the mix was bad … or I didn’t know any of the songs … and on and on and on.

It’s one thing to notice things that go wrong at church.  It’s another thing to look for things to go wrong.

Hypercritics want things to go wrong … so they can gripe about them later on.

I guess that makes them feel important … but I have yet to find the spiritual gift of hypercritic in the New Testament.

What are some other qualities of hypercritics that you’ve noticed?

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